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One fine day in June, a disturbance found its way into Severus Snape's heart. To be fair, his heart was always disturbed, but this was a new ripple amongst the many. The brats he had to tolerate would be swarming home for a couple months, so it wasn't that. No, he could sense…love, in the air. He couldn't stand that. And it was coming to someone he liked. Yes, liked, secretly, just like Lily, although that was in no way secret. Either way, he couldn't stand it. His throne being usurped again by some haughty pretty boy. Never mind that he did his best to make this woman suppose he couldn't stand her, it was not fair! Time to be creepy.
Accordingly, he left his chambers in the dungeons in order to float about the corridors like a toothless lethifold. Personally he thought he looked very dapper, but to judge from the reactions elicited in both pupils and teachers, lethifold was truly the more accurate descriptor. Oh well, one must play to one's strengths.
Floating up to the pinnacle of the castle, Severus loitered in a certain corridor in the North Tower, leaping behind a statue of a hag when he heard the sound of lover's footsteps. Yes, he could tell that these steps were of a romantic bent by the slow and carefree way in which they moved across the stone, like there was nothing in the world but their companion, and certainly no problems. Plus they were always accompanied by hateful giggles and foolish whispers. The voices that were approaching him acted like saws on his nerves, not the ditsy woman's, but the man's, which was nothing short of beautiful. Adonis sweet and devilish cunning. It took everything the potion master had not to turn it's owner into dust upon sight.
"But, darling, surely there must be someone else? I, well I am just a mere muse of the stars. I am not worthy-"
"Shush! Shush, my love. First of all, I already chose you. Second, there's no other woman who can compare to you. I have learnt so much from these Cassandra lips."
"Oh, Janos..."
"Grrr." Severus ground his teeth and bit his tongue to stop from screaming. The footsteps sailed past his hiding place, revealing their owners - a woman with crazy hair, crazy beads, and crazy glasses, and a male supermodel slash Hellfire Club member in an exquisite suit. It was all the Slytherin and world's worst lady's man could do not to spontaneously combust. The couple would ascend to the top of the tower and observe the length and breadth of the lake and forest while continuing to prattle, but Severus had a way to deal with that. He carefully tailed them. They didn't call him 'Slippery Snape' for nothing.
Yes, as he expected, Riptide had strewn roses along the parapet of the tower, and hummingbirds were floating around looking adorable. Hummingbirds were Sybill's favourite bird, grrr. He snuck back down to the ground while they got to canoodling, stealth crawling his way to Hagrid's hut, where he kept an answer to just this sort of problem.
Up at the summit of the tower, the mutant and the seer were embracing and dancing to some cheesy music, Riptide's gorgeous chin resting on Sybill's frizzy head when a sound alerted the bad boy to a disturbance in his romantic idyll. Being an evil mutant, he was used to being ever on the watch for sneak attacks, as well as ever on the watch for the opportunity to launch sneak attacks, so he trusted his instincts and turned towards the parapet, just in time to bear witness to a flock of fireworks arcing up from the earth, straight at him, and his companion by association.
"!!!" Being a man of few words, and not wishing to upset his excitable paramour, the man did what he always did when threatened, that is he struck a pose and generated a tornado from nowhere, pushing Trelawney away forcefully but gently and waving his hands. He had no time for a big twister so a small one would have to do.
And it did do. It caught the majority of the spears of fire in its windy grip and flung them away, anywhere but at the mutant and his lady, and those it didn't catch were on the outskirts and set to miss anyway. All across the castle and it's grounds, fireworks crashed, spraying tiles and sending stone crashing down to the ground, injuring many. One fireworks, the biggest and central one, even spun back towards where Snape stood, a blazing dragon slamming into the ground at his feet, hitting him in the face with a projectile vomit of mud that shot him through Hagrid's hut, out the other side, and into the Forbidden Forest, where he belonged.