Work Text:
Headlights illuminated endless, dense flakes of snow in front of him. The wind whipped the windshield, and Jotaro kept both hands firmly on the wheel. It wasn’t easy to drive the dark roads to begin with, and now snow clouded a lot of his view, but he knew the road. He could drive it blind if he had to, but he pulled Star Platinum out beside him to help him see the road. He knew the biggest danger right now was other driver’s, and Star Platinum’s keen eyes would spot them. Jotaro’s phone chirped, and he answered his phone wirelessly.
He heard Polnareff’s somewhat defeated voice say, “Hey.”
“Hey. Did you catch your flight all right?” Jotaro asked.
“No,” Polnareff replied. “The flight’s been cancelled due to the weather. Should I get a hotel, or can I stay with you? I know Jolyne’s coming so I don’t want to cramp your style.”
He didn’t hesitate. “She’ll love to see you, Jean.”
“Is it okay with her mom?” Polnareff asked. “I mean, I can get a refund on my ticket and spend a few days with you two, but I just - I don’t want to step on anyone’s toes.”
“You won’t,” Jotaro said.
“Could you ask her and call me back?”
“I’m driving,” Jotaro said. “I don’t think I’m going to make it to the train on time.”
“I can take a cab to the station and meet Jolyne,” Polnareff said, “but I need to know whether to book another day or get a refund.”
“Get a refund,” Jotaro said. “I’m sure it’ll be fine. Jolyne will want to see you and honestly, it’ll be nice to have you there too.”
Jotaro thought he could feel Polnareff smile on the other line, and he smiled to himself at the thought. Polnareff said, “Are you sure?”
“I’m sure,” Jotaro said. “Get a refund and meet her at the station for me. They probably will want to wait until I’m there, but at least she won’t think I forgot about her if you’re there.”
“Okay. How long until her train comes in?”
Jotaro quickly checked the clock before looking back onto the road. He said, “Twenty minutes. I’m not going to make it, Jean.”
“How far behind are you?”
“In this weather, I’m maybe thirty minutes away. I feel like I could walk it faster.”
“Well, be safe,” Polnareff said. “I’ll call again if I’m worried.”
“See you soon,” Jotaro said.
Jotaro hung up the phone. He glanced at Star Platinum and then sighed. “I guess I should call her,” he said.
Star Platinum dialed and he called his ex. When she answered, he said, “Hey it’s me.”
“Is everything all right with Jolyne?”
“She’s still on the train. Listen, Jean Pierre’s flight was cancelled. Would it upset you if he stayed with us? He offered to stay at a hotel until he could catch another flight, but honestly I think that’s ridiculous. He’s just going to spend the New Year alone somewhere.”
“Didn’t he make other plans?” she asked.
“Probably,” Jotaro said. “I’m going to be late picking up Jolyne because of this weather, so he’s meeting her at the station and waiting until I get there. Do you care if he stays?”
She said, “No, I don’t mind. Jolyne loves Jean.”
“Perfect.”
“You know we could have planned this from the get-go,” she said. “I don’t mind that Jean’s in your life now, all I ask is that you’re consistent with Jolyne. I don’t want her thinking that you’re just going to move from partner to partner. At least I know Jean isn’t going to be out of your life even if a romantic relationship doesn’t work out.”
“What are you trying to say?”
“I’m saying you’re making it sound like I’m the bad guy,” she said. “I’m happy Jean is in your life, but if he’s going to be in Jolyne’s life too, make sure she gets to see him often.”
“So you’re mad I didn’t invite him in the first place.”
“Jotaro, I’m not mad,” she said. She definitely sounded tired, at least. “I’m just saying you didn’t have to ship him off to wherever he was going in the first place. Jolyne likes seeing him and wants to see him.”
Jotaro tried to digest this information. “I don’t know why I thought you’d be upset.”
“I’m not,” she replied, “but if you and Jean do break up and Jolyne still wants to see him, you can’t tell her not to be friends with him.”
“I wouldn’t,” Jotaro said, a little offended she’d suggest it.
“Good,” she said. “Jolyne is really excited about her presents, so I’m hope you’re ready for her.”
“I am,” Jotaro said. “I’ll talk to you later.”
“Have a good time.”
She hung up, and Jotaro ended the call on his end. He returned his full focus to the road. He was going to be really late. The snow thickened, but after about thirty minutes of cursing under his breath, Jotaro parked at the train station and rushed in.
He found Jolyne sitting in Polnareff’s arms. Jolyne - eight now - sat happily with her arms around Polnareff’s neck. She wore a puffy pink winter coat and Polnareff’s light blue scarf. Polnareff just wore a grey sweater-jacket combo – he hadn’t expected to be back in bad weather. His hair was braided back into a ponytail, which meant Jolyne had enough time to braid it. Jolyne looked at Jotaro, but mostly ignored him. Polnareff spoke with one of the attendants, and Jotaro introduced himself and showed his identification. He followed the attendant out of earshot.
The attendant said, “She was a little teary leaving her mom and got a lot worse about twenty minutes in. We gave her some hot chocolate and some candy to try to cheer her up, but she slept most of the way after that. She’s probably going to have a lot of energy.”
“I appreciate you trying,” Jotaro said. “Sorry I was late.”
“We’re behind schedule due to the weather,” the attendant said with a smile. “You’re fine.”
Jotaro offered a weak smile back. He thanked the attendant and returned to Jolyne. Polnareff said, “Do you want to hug Daddy?”
“No.”
Jotaro opened his arms to hold her, but she stayed firmly in Polnareff’s arm. Jotaro’s shoulders slackened some. “All right,” he said.
He had been looking forward to celebrating Christmas alone with Jolyne. She had been pulling away from him. He was largely absent from her life, and now that he’d split up with her mother, she didn’t really understand why she had to be alone with him. She liked Polnareff though, and Jotaro envied him. Polnareff was always fun and warm, whereas Jotaro struggled to entertain her. He had hoped without Polnareff there he could bridge some of the gaps, but now Polnareff was literally between them.
But he was also relieved to have him. She was always happy with him. He broke a lot of the tension. And Jolyne could be a handful. She had an independent streak and liked to wander off. She was easier to watch with two sets of eyes.
He grabbed Jolyne and Polnareff’s suitcases. They started to walk out of the station, and Polnareff brushed the back of his hand against Jotaro’s. Polnareff caught his eye and gave him a smile, and then they hit the weather outside. The night air howled around them.
“I’m just parked over here,” Jotaro said, nearly shouting.
They jogged to his car, careful not to slip on any ice. Polnareff put Jolyne in the backseat and she said, “I want Jean to sit in the back with me!”
“Jean needs to be up front to help me see,” Jotaro said.
He went back to put the luggage in the trunk, and Polnareff stood next to him. He said, “I have a couple of sleeping pills in me. I’m going to be useless helping you with the weather.”
“I’ll try Star Platinum again,” Jotaro said. “He helped me get here.”
“Listen, maybe we should stay in the city.”
“What?”
“I can use the refund I got from the airport to pay for a hotel room,” Polnareff said. “It’s like a five minute drive from here. I called and they’re holding a room for me.”
“But Jolyne’s presents are back at my house,” Jotaro said. “I’ve driven through worse weather before.”
“Jotaro, she’s homesick and tired. I’m about to fall asleep. This car ride is going to be an hour, isn’t it?”
Jotaro sighed. “At least.”
“Let me bring it up,” Polnareff said. “I think it’s for the best.”
“But I don’t have any presents for her,” Jotaro said.
“The toy stores are closed, but there’s a gift shop at the hotel,” Polnareff said. “Maybe we can find her a plush to tide her over.”
Jotaro said, “This isn’t how I pictured our time together going.”
“I know,” Polnareff said, lightly taking his hand. “I’m sorry everything’s all messed up.”
Jotaro squeezed his hand. “I’m glad you’re here.”
“Really?”
“Yeah, really,” Jotaro said. “Sit in the back with Jolyne.”
Jotaro brushed the snow off the car as Polnareff climbed in the back with Jolyne. Jotaro sat back in the driver’s seat and checked his phone for directions to the hotel. He flicked on the wipers to brush off the fresh snow. Polnareff said, “So your dad and I were talking, and we thought it might be fun to stay at a hotel overnight.”
“Why?” Jolyne asked.
“We could order up room service and watch a movie,” Polnareff said. “It’d be like a small vacation.”
“But I’m already on vacation,” Jolyne said. “And what about my presents?”
“Jean is worried it’s not safe to drive in the snowstorm,” Jotaro said. “Is it okay if we wait overnight for the storm to pass?”
Jolyne huffed and folded her arms across her chest. Polnareff said, “We thought we could buy you a souvenir from the gift shop. So you can always remember when your dad lived somewhere snowy.”
Jolyne pouted, but she said, “Fine.”
Polnareff asked Jolyne about her train ride and only managed to pry one or two word answers out of her. She was definitely frustrated, but Jotaro could tell she was trying to be pleasant. Jotaro quickly arrived at the hotel. He parked in the covered parking again. Jolyne would only hold Polnareff’s hand as they walked into the hotel. Jotaro was, again, stuck with the luggage.
Jolyne kept her eyes on the gift shop while Polnareff checked in. She tugged on Polnareff’s hand. Jotaro said, “Do you want me to take you there?”
She shook her head. “I want to wait for Jean.”
Polnareff finished checking in, and the hotel held their luggage while they looked through the gift shop. Jotaro tried not to look at the prices as he glanced at the plush toys. There were a large assortment of sea creature plushes, and Jotaro’s critical eye checked them out for inaccuracies. Jolyne said, “It’s all fish.”
“I wonder why it’s all fish,” Polnareff said.
The cashier mentioned that there was an Aquarium next door, and it was one of the major draws to the city and this hotel specifically. The gift shop had unlicensed toys, but they were a bit cheaper. Polnareff said to Jolyne, “Maybe we could stop at the Aquarium tomorrow.”
“Boring,” Jolyne said.
“We could go for your dad.”
Jotaro picked up a set of two otter plushes that were holding hands. Velcro kept their hands together so they could be separated and reconnected. He said, “Look at the otters, Jolyne.”
“No thanks.”
Polnareff took one from Jotaro and said, “These are cute.”
They still failed to catch Jolyne’s interest, but Polnareff gave Jotaro’s hand a squeeze before handing it back to him. Jotaro put the otters’ hands back together and placed them back on the shelf. Jolyne grabbed Polnareff’s hand and pulled him to another wall. Jotaro looked at the whales and manatees.
He noticed another grey creature at the bottom and pulled it off the shelf. “You’re kidding,” he said to no one.
He walked over to Polnareff and Jolyne. Polnareff was holding a medium-sized black teddy bear with a plaid shirt. The pair of them laughed together. Jolyne tried to shush Polnareff, but he said, “We think this bear looks like you.”
“What?”
Jotaro looked down at himself. He had on a heavy flannel shirt underneath his jacket. He felt his thick beard. He had meant to shave it - or at least trim it down before Jolyne came - but he liked it. He looked at the bears black eyes burrowing into him. Emotionless. They hadn’t even stitched a smile onto his face.
Jotaro sighed, “It does look like me.”
Polnareff handed the bear back to Jolyne and asked Jotaro, “What do you have?”
“Oh, it’s a Giant Isopod.”
“What?”
“It’s just weird they’d even make a plush of it,” Jotaro said, hugging it to his chest. The plush was the size of his torso. He said to Jolyne, “Wouldn’t you like something like this?”
She looked at it with only some disgust and said, “Um, no thanks.”
She took the bear and walked back to the sea creatures. Polnareff said, “Do you want it for yourself?”
“I’m not buying a Giant Isopod for myself. I’m an adult.”
Jotaro hugged it tightly. He did like it a lot. Jolyne let out a frustrated sigh. “Why aren’t there any cool animals?”
“They have a Giant Isopod,” Jotaro said.
“I don’t want a bug.”
“It’s a crustacean,” Jotaro said.
Jolyne looked at him like he was making stuff up. Polnareff asked, “What are you looking for?”
“I don’t know,” she said.
She walked a ways away and Polnareff followed her. Jotaro gave the Giant Isopod another hug before placing it back on the shelf. He then moved back to where Jolyne was looking. She looked at a model car. Jotaro smiled to himself. He loved looking through car magazines and books when he was younger. He built quite a few model cars. The one Jolyne looked at was a bright red die cast convertible. She wouldn’t need to assemble it, but it was much larger than a toy car.
“Wouldn’t you prefer a stuffed toy?” Polnareff asked.
Jolyne hugged the bear and shook her head. Jotaro said, “Do you really like it?”
“I might break it,” Jolyne said. “It’s for older kids.”
The cashier pointed out that they had tubes of small toy cars. Jolyne went to look, but Polnareff and Jotaro stayed behind. “It is too old for her,” Polnareff said.
“When I go check into our room, buy that car for her,” Jotaro said. “I’ll pay you back.”
“It’s $50,” Polnareff said. “Are you sure?”
“I think she’ll be careful,” Jotaro said, “and if she isn’t, who cares? She’ll have fun with it.”
“Okay,” Polnareff said, “but she might think it’s from me.”
“I don’t care,” Jotaro said. “I just want her to have it.”
“All right,” Polnareff said. “I’ll pick it up, but I’m going to try to slip it to you.”
Jotaro nodded and caught up with Jolyne. “Do you like those cars?” he asked.
She nodded.
“How about that silly bear?” he asked.
She smiled and nodded again. He was a little flattered she wanted the bear even after Polnareff made it clear the bear resembled him.
“I’ll buy them then,” Jotaro said, “just to tide you over until tomorrow. You might get a little something extra tonight though.”
Jolyne opened her arms, and Jotaro lifted her. He carried her in one arm and paid for the toy cars and plush bear with the other. He just liked having her in his grip again. She wrapped one arm around his neck and the other clung back to the bear when he handed it back to her. He carried the toy cars in his other hand.
Polnareff said, “Hold on a sec, I want to talk to Jolyne.”
Jotaro passed Jolyne to Polnareff before walking to the entrance of the gift shop. They talked quietly, and Jotaro waited. He hoped Polnareff was coming up with a clever excuse for leaving them for a few moments. When Jolyne came back, Jotaro asked, “What was that about?”
“Jean said he’s going to meet us in the room.”
Jotaro and Jolyne went back to the front desk to get their luggage, and then they took the elevator up to the room. They were on the tenth floor. Jolyne took the card from Jotaro to unlock the door. She managed to get it on the first try, though Jotaro helped her push the door open. Jotaro barely had time to take off Jolyne’s winter coat before she charged through the room. As he pulled in the luggage, Jolyne ran to look out the window. While Jotaro took off his jacket, he took a quick look around the room. It had two queen-sized beds, a television and a television stand, and next to the television stand was a small table with two armchairs. The room was packed pretty tightly. He texted his ex to let her know Jolyne was fine and that they were spending the night in a hotel.
Jolyne said, “It’s snowing too hard to see anything outside.”
She dropped into one of the sofa chairs and put the teddy bear on the table. “Can I have my cars, please?”
“Sure,” Jotaro said.
He handed her the tube and she opened it in a way that suggested she had opened many of them. The teddy bear watched, and Jotaro realized it was basically like having him in the room. He had to make the effort to communicate. Jotaro sat on the armchair next to her and asked, “Do you have a lot of these?”
“Yeah, I have a whole bin,” she said. “Mom bought me this container for them where there’s a slot for each car, but it won’t hold all of them. I might just put my favourites in there.”
“Did you bring any?”
“No, I didn’t want to accidentally lose any,” Jolyne said. “So I’m glad I have some now.”
She took each of the cars out and lined them up in front of her. There were eight vehicles. Five cars, one pick-up truck, one van, and one ice-cream truck. Jolyne picked up the ice cream truck and looked at the window on the side of it. She absently said, “Thank you.”
Jotaro smiled and squeezed her shoulder softly. “I’m sorry you have to wait for your presents.”
Jolyne simply shrugged and pushed around the ice cream truck.
Jotaro rubbed his beard and then stood up to look for the television controller. Jolyne spoke under her breath as she moved the cars around, and Jotaro found the room service menu and looked through it. Jolyne jumped up as the door handle rattled, and she charged to the door.
Jotaro’s feelings were a little hurt. She hardly emoted around him, and she was clearly excited to have Polnareff back. He took off his hat and ran a hand through his hair. He tried not to think about how much he fucked up with her. He listened to Polnareff and Jolyne talk softly as he concentrated on the menu.
Would it be like this all night? Would he be neglected and alone?
He looked up when Jolyne said, “Daddy.”
Polnareff balanced Jolyne on his hip while Jolyne held out the Giant Isopod plush towards him. His eyes widened at the sight. “What?”
“Jolyne knew you wanted it,” Polnareff said, “so she told me to buy it for you when you weren’t looking.”
“I’m gonna pay him back,” Jolyne said. “Promise.”
Jotaro tried not to get emotional. “You wanted me to have this?”
Jolyne nodded and said, “So you’re not lonely when me and Jean Pierre aren’t visiting you.”
Jotaro’s eyes welled up with tears, and he lifted Jolyne (still holding the Isopod) into his arms. He hugged them both tightly and kissed Jolyne’s cheek. She said, “You’re being weird.”
“I’m just really happy,” Jotaro said, breathing her in. “Thank you so much.”
She started pushing him away, and he set her back down on the ground. He hugged the Giant Isopod and buried his nose in it. Jean motioned for him to come over, and Jotaro quickly wiped his eyes. He still kept the isopod against his chest. Polnareff and Jotaro turned their backs to Jolyne, and Jotaro gave Polnareff the isopod as he took the model car from him. He kept it behind his back as he walked towards Jolyne.
Jolyne was playing intently with her cars, and she didn’t notice Jotaro approach her. He set the car on the table as he sat down beside her. She stopped playing to look at it. “Really?” she asked.
Jotaro nodded.
Jumping on the chair, Jolyne screamed and hugged him tightly around the neck. “I’ll call the front desk so they know what the screaming is about,” Polnareff said.
Jolyne continued screaming, and Jotaro hugged her back. He said, “I trust you to be careful with it. The side mirrors will be really delicate.”
She stopped screaming to nod seriously. “I will,” she said.
“But don’t be too upset if it does get broken, okay?” Jotaro said. “I bought it for you so you could enjoy it.”
Jolyne shook her head. “I’ll take really good care of it.”
Polnareff softly talked to the front desk in the background, and Jotaro put a hand on the back of her head. Jolyne hugged him again, and he lifted her into his lap. She unboxed the car while sitting on his lap and eagerly showed him all the parts of the car she knew. Jotaro loved every second of it. He was amazed how much she knew about cars, and it reminded him of himself when he was a bit older than her.
Really, he was just happy she was talking to him with such excitement.
Polnareff started to look through the menu, and Jolyne moved her cars to the floor so she could play with them with more ease. Jotaro lightly traced his hand across Polnareff’s back to look over his shoulder. Polnareff said, “They have chicken fingers for Jolyne.”
Jotaro used Star Platinum to lightly kiss Polnareff’s cheek before letting him fade. Polnareff smiled softly and asked, “Are we going to go for dessert as well? They have ice cream.”
“She had a lot of chocolate on the train,” Jotaro said.
Polnareff shrugged and said, “I could use the sugar.”
“They offer room service until 11, so how about we wait and see if we feel like dessert later,” Jotaro said, squeezing Polnareff’s arm. “There’s a lot of dessert at home.”
Polnareff offered a mock pout before winking at him. They both turned as Jolyne started to cry. She walked towards them, just bawling loudly. Jotaro kneeled down and asked, “What’s wrong, sweet pea?”
Jolyne held her arms out for Polnareff to lift her. Jotaro’s heart only broke a little bit as Polnareff lifted her, but it recovered when she said, “We didn’t get Jean a gift.”
“That’s okay,” Polnareff said, hugging her. “I’m just happy to be with you.”
She cried harder and clutched his shirt. Jotaro rubbed her back and said, “It’s okay. We can pick him up something and surprise him later.”
“But what about when he’s lonely too?” she asked, wiping her eyes as the tears continued to fall. “He’s not always with us.”
“Hey, I’ll be okay,” Polnareff said, raising her up to look her in the eye. “I’ll just remember what it’s like to be with you and I’ll be happy again.”
She sniffled. “You’re just saying that.”
Jotaro knew Jolyne was mostly teary because she was tuckered out and homesick. When he tried to take her from Polnareff she wrapped her arms around Polnareff’s neck and shook her head. Jean said, “You can buy me something later. I’ll survive the night without something. I have you and your daddy right now to keep me company. I won’t be lonely.”
Jolyne’s eyes lit up and she tried to squirm out of his arms. Polnareff set her down on the ground and she ran to the table. She fetched her teddy bear off of the table and ran back to Polnareff. She said, “Here.”
Polnareff laughed and said, “It’s really okay, Jolyne.”
“No, you need the daddy teddy bear,” Jolyne said. “He’ll keep you company when you’re without him.”
“But what will you do?” Jean asked.
Jolyne motioned for Jean to lean down, and he complied. She lowered her voice - though Jotaro could still hear it clearly - to whisper, “He’s given me so many fish stuffies that I can just hug one of them.”
Jotaro said, “They’re dolphins. They’re mammals.”
“Yes dad,” Jolyne said with a resigned sigh, and then she gave Polnareff a look that suggested she knew better and was just humouring her dad.
Polnareff offered her a smile in reply and lifted her up. “Are you sure you want to give me this?” he asked.
Jolyne held out the teddy bear as if she was frustrated he hadn’t taken it already. “Yes. You need it.”
Polnareff said, “If you’re sure-”
“I am,” she said. “Take it.”
Polnareff took the teddy bear and kissed her cheek. She playfully pushed his face away as he started to blow raspberries on her cheek.
The three then looked through the menu together and ordered some food. They also picked out a movie to watch. They ate cheerfully and then collapsed on one of the beds together, with Jolyne between Jotaro and Polnareff. Jolyne’s toys were scattered across the room, and Jotaro and Polnareff’s plushes sat together on the other bed.
After the first movie, Jolyne and Polnareff changed into pyjamas. Jotaro didn’t have a change of clothes, and he borrowed Polnareff’s – though they were a little short in the leg. They hunkered down for a second movie on the bed. Both Polnareff and Jolyne insisted they could watch another movie, despite how heavy both of their eyelids looked. Jotaro was surprised Polnareff had lasted this long. Jolyne and Polnareff fell asleep near the beginning of the second movie. Jolyne had folded herself into the crook of Polnareff’s arm and rested against his chest. Polnareff had shifted back to keep his head on a pillow. Jotaro looked over at them and got up quietly.
He went to his jacket and fished his cell phone out of it. He saw a missed call from his ex. He dialed her number to call her back. “Hey,” she said. “I was just calling to see if Jolyne was doing all right and if she wanted to talk to me.”
“She’s great,” Jotaro said, his voice low. “She’s fallen asleep.”
“Perfect,” she said. “I’ll be up for another few hours if she wakes up and wants to talk. I mean, my phone will be on if she’s upset, so you can call me and wake me up if you need me.”
“Okay,” he said. “I think she’ll be okay. You can tell she was a little homesick at first, but she seems fine now.”
“I’m glad to hear it,” she replied. “How is everything going?”
“Really good,” Jotaro said. “We ended up staying at a hotel overnight because the weather is so bad. Jean is using the money from his plane ticket to pay for it.”
“That’s very sweet of him.”
“He’s been great,” Jotaro said. “We picked Jolyne up a few gifts from the hotel’s gift shop so she could stand to be without her presents for another day.”
She laughed and said, “Did she throw a fit?”
“No, no,” he said. “She was just really quiet. I didn’t want to upset her.”
“Did she get anything good?”
“I bought her a few toy cars,” Jotaro said. “How long has she been collecting them?”
“A couple of years,” she said.
There was a beat of silence and Jotaro said, “I really haven’t been around much.”
“You’re trying now.”
Jotaro rubbed his beard and sat on the ground. It occurred to him how tired he was.
She said, “Jotaro?”
“Yeah.”
“Are you all right?”
“Yeah,” he said. “Yeah, she bought me a gift with Jean’s money.”
“That was cute.”
“Yeah, I almost started to cry,” Jotaro said. “She was giving me the cold shoulder and I just - it was nice.”
She said, “I’m really glad, Jotaro. I never wanted you out of her life.”
Jotaro considered how he would still have to keep her at arm’s length. She’d be safe when he and Polnareff were together, but he didn’t want her to ever get targeted. It hurt to realize he could never completely be in her life. He’d always be a bit absent. He’d always be a shadow.
His heart sank as he thought about how he’d be like his own father.
“Jotaro?”
“Yeah.”
“You are going to be a part of her life, right?” she asked. “You’re not going to pull away again? You’ve done this before and I don’t think she can go through that again.”
He didn’t immediately reply.
She said, “If you’re going to pull away, I’m coming there right now to get her. You’ll break her heart.”
“No, I’m going to try,” he said. “I’m really going to try.”
“What does that even mean?” she asked. “How do you just try to be a good dad?”
Something caught in his throat. He hated that he couldn’t just explain it to her. He hated that he couldn’t be what he promised he’d be. Tears stung his eyes as he thought about her growing up without him. How many more moments would he miss? He already missed so much.
He tried to keep his voice steady as he said, “I’m trying. Don’t take her away from me.”
She sighed. He imagined her pinching the bridge of her nose like she always did when she was tired. He pulled his knees to his chest and listened to her decide. She said, “All right. But I want to talk to her tomorrow.”
“Okay.”
“And we need to talk about how we’re going to make this work,” she said. “I don’t know why you moved to the middle of nowhere.”
“It’s for work.”
“You’re a marine biologist and you’re a twelve hour drive away from the closest ocean,” she said.
“There are a lot of lakes around here,” he said. “I’m trying to get transferred closer.”
He wasn’t. The farther away he was, the safer they were. She said, “All right, okay. We’ll talk tomorrow, all right?”
“Okay,” he said. “I’ll make sure Jolyne’s awake to talk tomorrow.”
“Have a good night,” she said.
“You too.”
“And call me if Jolyne needs me.”
“I will,” he said.
She hung up, and Jotaro hung up on his end. He sat on the floor staring at the closet. Both he and Polnareff kept people at arm’s length to keep them from getting hurt. They both feared losing more people they cared about. Some days they even pushed each other away. He knew he was making the right choice to keep Jolyne away from him and safe, but he also wanted a relationship with her. He wanted her to be excited to see him, and he wanted to be in her life.
He just didn’t want to hurt her.
He saw a large plastic bag in the closet and noticed the logo from the gift shop. He got up and gathered it up, assuming that there was nothing left in it. When he lifted it up, he noticed there was a weight inside of it. He reached in and pulled out the two plush otters with their paws velcroed together. He stared and them and thought Polnareff probably bought it for him.
The otters reminded him of him and Polnareff. Clutching to each other so they wouldn’t float away and lose each other in the chaos around them. Sometimes his everyday life felt like a long dream, and he needed Polnareff’s steady hand to keep him grounded and together. Sometimes he felt like he and Polnareff were the only otters he knew. He wondered if Polnareff just bought them because they were cute, or if he saw a connection too. He couldn’t even count how many nights he spent sitting with Polnareff where he just watched him with their fingers intertwined. So much death followed them, he loved seeing Polnareff just living and breathing.
He put the otters back in the bag. He wasn’t sure if they were a gift for him, for Jolyne, or if Polnareff wanted him to give it to him, and if it was a surprise, he didn’t want to spoil it. He stretched and walked back to the bed. He set his phone on the nightstand and flicked off the lights. He kept the television on, and its cool glow illuminated Polnareff and Jolyne.
Jotaro slid under the covers on Polnareff’s side of the bed. He lifted Polnareff’s arm up so he could rest in the crook of his arm like Jolyne. Polnareff stirred and turned his head to face Jolyne. Jotaro wrapped Polnareff’s arm around him and then watched Jolyne’s face.
He couldn’t believe how much she’d grown, and he still remembered holding her in his arms as a baby. She was growing so fast and so much. He felt both like nothing had changed and everything had changed. He thought of the otters again as he realized life’s stream moved all around him. Jolyne had his eyes and her mother’s nose. Her lips seemed to be a mix of both of them, and he wondered how they’d change as she aged. He hoped her eyes would soften like her mother’s. He’d had too many people misjudge him because of them.
He brushed her cheek with the back of his hand and thought about how much he loved her. It scared him. His heart could be ripped out so easily, and she was still so small and vulnerable. He wanted her to have a stand so she could protect herself, but she also didn’t want her to have one. He wanted her to be safe and away from all the stand users and the dangers that came with them.
Still, he constantly looked for one around her. He planned out how to have the conversation with her. And if she had one, he’d be more present in her life. He’d be less of a danger to her. It was selfish to want her to have a stand. He was torn. He wanted her to have that advantage to protect herself, but he never wanted her to have the life he had.
Polnareff gently rubbed his arm. Jotaro didn’t pull his eyes away from Jolyne. “Sorry to wake you,” Jotaro whispered.
“I’ll be out again in a minute,” Polnareff replied. “You okay?”
“I don’t know,” Jotaro said, “but it’s not something we need to talk about right now.”
“Are you going to be able to sleep?” he asked.
Jotaro smiled and nodded. “I think so.”
Polnareff rubbed the back of Jotaro’s neck. He softly said, “I’m really glad I could be here. I thought maybe you didn’t want me.”
“I’m glad you’re here too,” Jotaro replied. “Most days I’m lost without you.”
Polnareff started to laugh and stopped himself. Jolyne stirred. She rolled over so her back faced Polnareff and Jotaro. Jotaro hated not seeing her face. Polnareff voice trailed off slightly when he said, “You know that’s not true. You’re the rock in this relationship.”
He thought Polnareff was falling asleep again. Still, he replied, “I don’t know.”
Polnareff was clearly dozing off as he replied, “We can be each other’s rocks then, and we’ll make sure we don’t sink together.”
“I hope you’re right,” Jotaro said.
Polnareff scoffed. Jotaro looked at him to see Polnareff’s eyes were closed. Half-asleep, he said, “I’m always right.” He let his head sink deeper into his pillow as he continued, “Except for those times when I’m wrong.”
Jotaro smiled and turned back to watching Jolyne’s back. He listened to the cartoon chirp on the television and snow pelt against the window. He listened to Polnareff’s heartbeat and Jolyne’s steady breaths. Time both moved and stayed still. His eyelids grew heavy as he thought about how much he wanted to stay in this moment with them. Both alive and breathing and safe. Both happy. For a moment, he thought everything would be fine, and he drifted into sleep with that thought.