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Sam Winchester had no illusions about life being fair. He knew life was like a lemon. Sour, sticky, and unsatisfying. Life never gave him sugar to make lemonade. Nope, for Sam Winchester life was a lemon. For all intents and purposes, he was a lemon. No one had a little boy and expected him to present as an omega. It was shameful, like having a female alpha. His external body parts didn’t match what his body could do. That made him a freak and he was certain his dad would have asked for a refund if he could.
Actually, he hadn’t spoken to his dad in years, not since he presented. Dean took the position of being his alpha. Omegas were the lemons of society too. Regardless of what external sex organs they had. All omegas needed an alpha guardian. An omega could still go to college but had to be home before dark. He couldn’t legally drive, because why would anyone trust a lemon to drive?
To make matters worse for Sam, his lemon status didn’t just extend to what was hidden under his pants. He couldn’t pass for the typical petite and slender omega. He was six foot four and taller than Dean. Dean insisted that he workout so Sam carried some unappealing muscle. Most people mistook Sam for an alpha until they caught his scent then confusion crowded their face. At least by being strong, he could pelt someone who messed with him.
Despite his lemon status, Sam went to college. He attended Stanford and Dean worked as a mechanic in town. It was perfect. The thing was Sam had a giant monster hanging over his head, the scent tests. When he presented at sixteen a sample of his scent was taken and placed into a database so an alpha could be found for him. Usually, this happened in a matter of days but not for Sam. Seven years later, Sam feared who his alpha would be or worse, he could be Dean’s burden forever. Even if an alpha did come forward, which was voluntary on the alpha’s part, the alpha could reject him. And Sam knew the alpha would reject him.
No one wanted a lemon.
++
Castiel Novak, age thirty-five, was not the epitome of put together alpha. Most of his friends had teenage children but not him. Castiel never submitted a scent sample. He wanted to be able to provide for an omega. He had very traditional beliefs about omegas. Castiel worked hard to pay for a decent home, find the right school district and beta nanny for his future children. He had no illusions about an omega being suitable for parenting, cooking, or cleaning.
Rather, Castiel wanted his omega near. He wanted that omega to love attention and never worry about anything outside of making him happy. A young omega with full breasts, a small build, brown hair, and hazel eyes was what he pictured his omega as. He envisioned her to be about sixteen and eager to please him.
When he dropped off his scent sample, Castiel turned his nose up at a small bony male omega. The omega was shaking and the scent of terrified omega filled the whole government building. No one wanted a male omega. Getting a male omega was like asking for lemonade and only being given a lemon. Castiel wasn’t sure what he would do if he was scent matched to a male omega. He asked his older brother, Gabriel, what he should do once. Gabriel told him to love the omega. But Castiel didn’t understand how anyone could love a defective thing like a male omega.
No one wanted a lemon.
++
There was something surreal about actually being in the Office of Alpha and Omega Affairs. Whether it was a good feeling or a bad feeling, Sam didn’t really know. It was different. That was the best way to describe it. He didn’t know much about what happened here, just rumors mostly. He knew his scent matched alpha was located. Sam wondered what the alpha looked like. He wondered if he was kind. He wondered if he would want him. He wondered if his alpha was a she. He wondered if his alpha was a lemon like him.
Sam twisted his hands in his lap. He looked around and saw the other omegas with their alpha fathers. The omegas were small and young. The alphas looked tired or proud maybe, John never looked like them. As it was, he was getting strange looks from everyone. Sam wondered how many of them thought Dean was here to return him. He glanced at his brother. Dean’s gaze was steady on the ceiling. What Dean was thinking, Sam didn’t know. All he knew was Dean’s scent was a mix of protectiveness and sorrow. He found that odd but he was glad Dean came with him.
It wasn’t until the sun began to fade in the evening sky that he got called back to a room and locked inside without Dean. Sam could have sworn he saw tears in Dean’s eyes when he glanced back at him as the guards took him away from the only family he ever had. Sam was sure it was his imagination, though. His alpha brother would never cry. Dean was strong and everything Sam could never be. Sam didn’t think there would ever be a day when he didn’t envy his big brother.
Now Sam had to wonder if he would ever get to see his brother again. He had to wonder what his alpha would do to him. The room gave him an ominous feeling. It was white. White walls. White towels. White bed. White lights. White stained glass over the window. White doorknobs. White security cameras. Everything was white except him. His worn blue jeans and faded gray t-shirt made him feel out of place. Sam curled up his toes in his boots. He could feel the crack in the sole of the shoes. The sole cracked a few weeks ago, but Sam never told Dean. He didn’t want to burden Dean. It only really mattered in the rain anyways. The water would leak into his shoe from the crack and soak his sock. Sometimes, Sam wondered if the shoe was a lemon like him.
Sam jumped when the door opened. He moved back to the corner of the room as fear overcame him. An alpha came into view at the same time as his scent. While Dean smelled like home and safety. The alpha smelled like Heaven, love, and safety. The alpha was handsome but shorter than him. Most people were shorter than him so he wasn’t sure if that was a fair point or not. Aside from being short, the alpha had messy black hair and bright blue eyes. He remembered thinking in elementary school that only angels had blue eyes and hating himself for having hazel eyes. Sam closed his eyes for a moment. Even as a child he saw himself as a lemon.
The slamming of the door caused Sam to snap his eyes open. The alpha’s scent changed. It no longer felt safe. He wanted to run. He wanted to find Dean. The alpha’s eyes no longer reminded him of angels. Now they reminded him of a warrior in the middle of a battle that was long since lost. Sam found himself sinking down to the floor and pulling his legs up to his chest as involuntary whimpers left his chest. He moved his hands up to shield his face and to hide.
Something crashed against the wall and fell to the floor with a dull thump. Out of the corner of Sam’s eye, he could see it was a collar. It was in that moment that Sam knew his scent matched alpha didn’t want him. This alpha didn’t even want to know his name or anything about him. All this alpha saw was the physical side of him and even Sam knew he looked disappointing. It was just somewhere in the back of his mind, in the fantasies he never told anyone about, he dreamed of his scent matched alpha loving him anyways. Like in Beauty and Beast where he was the Beast.
The door slammed again and Sam knew the alpha left. He carefully unfolded himself and picked up the collar off of the floor. He never wanted to be a collared omega. Dean never made him wear a collar. He saw omegas that wore collars. They were cloyed by their alphas. Sam doubted they ever left their alpha’s side. Sam hated them for being so weak, but now as he held the collar intended for him in his hands he knew it was something else he felt. He was jealous of them for having something that he would never have.
Sam slipped the collar in his pocket. He didn’t know why he wanted to keep it. Maybe to tell himself that he was close to having an alpha or that the alpha would come back. He didn’t really know. Maybe if he stared at it long enough, he could convince himself he wasn’t a lemon.
++
Castiel left the Office of Alpha and Omega Affairs in a fury. A male omega. A fucking male omega. How could God be so cruel? It wasn’t fair. It wasn’t, not at all. Castiel did everything right. He didn’t rush out to give his scent sample the moment he presented like some did. No, he waited. He created a stable home for his intended omega. He was responsible. He had a decent job. He had everything he needed to provide for an omega.
He stumbled into his brother’s apartment and slammed the door. Gabriel lived in California. In the same town as the freak of nature, he had been paired with. His older brother wasn’t nearly as responsible. Gabriel mated Kali at eighteen. Only to lose his omega and three children in a fire shortly after the third one was born. Gabriel’s omega couldn’t handle it so she ended it for herself and Gabriel’s children. His older brother moved to a different part of California to start over.
Castiel doubted working as a janitor at Stanford and eating at the local soup kitchen every night counted as starting over. It was just Kali destroyed everything that mattered to Gabriel. It was common knowledge that omegas couldn’t parent, but Gabriel was idealistic. He thought omegas were smart and capable. Castiel never told Gabriel he was wrong as they buried his children. He let his brother mourn.
Gabriel sat up on beer stained sofa from a frat party that Gabriel never attended. Castiel grumbled, “A fucking male omega.” He figured that would explain everything as he slid down the closed door and pulled his knees up to his chest. He buried his hands in his face so Gabriel wouldn’t see his tears in his moment of weakness.
Gabriel asked, “So what was he like? What is his name?” It was clear from Gabriel’s tone he didn’t see the problem and why would Gabriel? His older brother was different. Even his scent was unlike any other alpha. Before Kali died, Gabriel had a sweet scent. It reminded Castiel of a candy store that made their own candy. After Kali died, his scent soured like lemons.
Castiel shot a glare at his brother and snapped, “I don’t know. I saw him and I didn’t want him. I… I became angry and left. Why did I wait for years to mate only to be disappointed? I could have traveled. I could have done so much with my life, but I wasted it all.” A sob escaped Castiel’s throat before he could stop it.
Gabriel sighed, “You’re a selfish bastard you know that. I would give anything to have my omega back. I wish I would have waited like you did so Kali would have never… It doesn’t matter. What matters is that you have someone matched perfectly for you and what? You don’t want him because he’s male? Are you that scared of a penis? Or is it something else? Is he bigger than you? Are you afraid that he’s going to fuck up your alpha-God complex? Because let me tell you Castiel, you may have saved all your life for this but you never grew up.”
Castiel let his hands fall to the floor in defeat. He muttered, “What am I to do?”
Gabriel shook his head and declared, “Tomorrow morning, you will get breakfast with me at the soup kitchen. There is one male omega that volunteers there every morning before class with his alpha brother. Sam’s a sweetheart. He smells like a lemon tree after a rainstorm. You’ll see, maybe he will inspire you to give your omega a chance.”
++
Gabriel bounced into the soup kitchen early the next morning with Castiel. The normally sober kitchen smelled different this morning. The scent of happy omega and proud alpha that normally flooded the halls was absent. Gabriel knew in an instant that Sam wasn’t here this morning. He took his bowl of bland oatmeal, toast, juice and sat down in his usual spot with Castiel sitting across from him eating nothing.
He savored the food like he always did. Sure, the food wasn’t much but this soup kitchen gave him two meals a day no questions asked. They never even asked him to find God. He felt like family here and today some of his family was missing. Gabriel knew Sam and Dean Winchester were just about as broke has him. Mechanics make slightly more than a janitor, but they still weren’t rolling in money. On top of that unmated omegas couldn’t work. All the responsibility fell to Dean.
It was halfway through his bowl of oatmeal that he finally understood the constant presence of the omega and alpha. Rather than just taking the handout, Dean worked for their food with Sam. Dean did this before and after his shift at the auto repair shop. Neither of them ever really got a day off. They did this every day. They fed other people so they could eat too.
He knew that Sam and Dean lived in neighboring building to his. Gabriel glanced at his stony-faced brother. Gabriel asked, “So little brother, how would you like to buy some groceries for Sammich and Deano? If they aren’t here one of them is probably sick and I think this may be the only meals, they get.”
Castiel just shrugged in reply. It was a shrug that Gabriel recognized from childhood. It was the shrug of defeat. Castiel did this whenever life became too big of a burden. Gabriel wondered what it felt like for Castiel. He wondered how Castiel’s pain compared to his. He wondered if there was really a comparison at all. Gabriel had loved. He had drowned himself in the love of his omega and children only to have it cruelly taken away. Castiel never even gave his omega chance.
Gabriel never bought into the lemon bullshit. Sure, an omega may not look perfect but it wasn’t what was on the outside that mattered. All the sugar in the world won’t make a lemon peel taste good. You have to peel the lemon and coax out it juices and add sugar to make it perfect. Gabriel supposed mates were like that. Love never came from the surface. It came from deep within in the person. It had to be coaxed out with patience and sweetened with time and love.
The truth was Gabriel knew Kali had rotted from the inside long before she died with their children. He knew she was sick and needed help, but he was foolish. He thought that if he was good alpha, a strong alpha that he could handle it himself. He was a selfish bastard. It was his fault his omega and children died. He let them die because he was too afraid of being viewed as weak by asking for help.
Gabriel didn’t want Castiel to lose his omega. It was a pain that Gabriel lived with every day and it never got any better. He couldn’t even look at the photographs of Kali and the children. He couldn’t watch children play without breaking down. He couldn’t watch a birthday party without thinking of his own children blowing out their candles. The pain Gabriel felt inside his soul never faded. It ached constant and hard.
If anyone was a lemon in this world it was him or maybe he was a just a shell of the person, he used to be. Gabriel sometimes wondered if he would ever be whole again. It was just he couldn’t be a doctor anymore. He was too broken. He didn’t want Castiel to break like him.
++
Sam curled up on the sofa Dean found on the side of the road three years ago. He had blankets wrapped around himself and he clutched the stupid collar to his chest as tears ran down his face. He was hungry but he didn’t care. Dean left for work this morning without eating. They didn’t work at the soup kitchen this morning so that meant no food. It meant going hungry.
Sam whimpered because it was his fault Dean didn’t eat this morning. It was his fault Dean didn’t sleep last night. Dean stayed up all night holding him and taking care of him. Why? Sam didn’t know. It wasn’t like he deserved any of it. He was worthless. His own mate couldn’t even look at him.
A knock on the apartment door caught Sam’s attention. He heard Gabriel’s voice from the other side shouting at him, “Sammy, open up. I brought you some food.”
Reluctantly, Sam got up off the sofa after tossing the collar on the sofa. He walked to the door and opened it. He resisted the urge to immediately to slam the door in Gabriel’s face. He seethed at the small alpha, “What is he doing here?”
He watched Gabriel glance between him and the dark-haired alpha. Sam’s stomach growled and he shook his head. This was foolish of him. He was a burden to everyone. Patrons were bringing him food because he was pathetic. But Sam knew Gabriel was more than a patron. Gabriel was a friend. He fended off asshole alphas when Dean wasn’t around. He was sweet and showed Sam a kindness that he had never known outside of his own family. Still, Sam didn’t know why the alpha that rejected him was with Gabriel.
Gabriel let out a slow breath and said to the alpha, “Sam is your scent match? Really? And you didn’t give him a chance. Cassie, you’re an asshole.” Gabriel stepped inside Sam’s apartment and Sam just stepped aside. He didn’t know what else to do. Part of him still wanted Cassie to want him. He thought Cassie was an odd name for an alpha, but he didn’t want to judge the alpha by his name. He didn’t want to be that shallow.
Cassie followed Gabriel into the apartment and Sam closed the door. He could feel his heart beating in his chest as Gabriel placed the shopping bags on the kitchen counter. There was a thin layer of dust in the kitchen from lack of use. The refrigerator wasn’t even plugged in. It cost too much to run. Sam knew he didn’t have much with Dean but they were happy. He only had a few weeks left until he was done with his undergraduate degree. They talked about moving someplace with a lower cost of living.
Somehow standing here in his rundown apartment face to face with a well off alpha and his friend from the soup kitchen, Sam felt outclassed. He was just a worthless omega. He could smell his scent changing to sorrow as Cassie flipped through the cabinets. Every single one was empty. Shame filled Sam from the inside and bled into his scent. He wanted to run away but he had nowhere to run to.
The alpha, Cassie, spoke. His voice was deep and gravely. He was different from how Sam imagined it, but it was somehow perfect. “Sam, my name is Castiel. Gabriel is my older brother. He insisted that I meet you. I can’t say I am impressed by you. You live in squalor. You don’t dress like a proper omega. You clearly workout to gain muscle. And why aren’t you with your alpha father? Why is he so irresponsible? An omega should not be left alone, ever.”
Sam breathed in deep through his nose as a quiet rage filled him. He saw the edges of his vision turn red for a moment, because how dare he. How dare he question him about his life. How dare he… How dare he… He walked out. He didn’t even ask his name. How dare he… Slowly, Sam’s rage turned to words as Gabriel put a gentle hand on his arm. He could scent Gabriel. He could tell the alpha was trying to calm him down. “My dad walked out on my brother and me when I presented as an omega. He didn’t want a freak for a son. He probably would have drowned me in the river if he could. Dean does the best he can. I know we don’t have a lot but I got a scholarship to Stanford and it doesn’t cover everything. Dean works to cover rent, utilities, and my books. We volunteer at a soup kitchen so we can eat. We don’t ask for a handout from anyone. I… We work for our food. I don’t care if I am not good enough for you. I don’t need Dean to hold my hand because no one has ever held my hand. No one has ever given a shit about me except for Dean and he never coddled me. Get out of my home. I hate you.”
As the words left him, he felt a burning his soul. It was like a fire that couldn’t ever be put out. He collapsed on the shag carpet and buried his nose in the crook of Gabriel’s neck. He took comfort in the scent of an alpha that would never be his. An alpha that Sam could never understand why he cared enough to bring him food, to begin with.
++
Three months later Gabriel found himself at the Office of Alpha and Omega Affairs. He had his scent sample sent in again. This time he was asking for a rejected omega mate. He put the pieces of his life back together. He started working at the hospital in the pediatric ward again. The smiles, even the last ones, gave Gabriel something back he lost in the fire. The hours were long but healing. Sam’s scent made him want to do something more than mop the floors at Stanford. He couldn’t really understand that. No one’s scent ever made him do that before. And seeing Sam and telling him about how his life was coming together was the icing on the cake. Sam listened. He encouraged. He was perfect.
He still lived in his rundown apartment but he dropped off a couple bags of groceries at Sam and Dean’s apartment door every week. He still dropped by the soup kitchen when he wasn’t working. He didn’t eat there anymore. He volunteered and he savored his precious moments with Sam. In his appeal the Office of Alpha and Omega Affairs, he asked for Sam specifically if they were found to be a scent match and Gabriel was certain they were. Since Sam was a rejected omega, the government didn’t show as much concern for him. Gabriel hoped that Sam was his scent match.
As Gabriel got led back to the room that held his omega he held his breath. He opened the door and saw Sam crouched down in the corner. Relief filled him at the same time Sam’s scent of fear and distress hit his nose. Gabriel made his way into the room and took Sam in his arms. He saw the look of surprise on Sam’s face.
He rocked his omega in his arms and he let their scents mingle in the room. He kissed the top of Sam’s head. Sam tilted his head in submission but it was more than that to Gabriel. This was Sam telling him that he was worthy and Gabriel had never truly felt worthy of anything in his life. He didn’t know how Sam could see through all of his faults. He didn’t know what he did to deserve Sam. This omega in his arms saved him from himself. This omega’s scent helped him find himself. He owed this omega everything. He bit down gently on Sam’s neck until he tasted blood.
Gabriel sucked and licked the wound until the blood stopped. He breathed deep and Sam smelled claimed. Sam was his. He breathed in Sam’s perfect scent again. Kali never smelled this perfect. Gabriel wondered if the fairytales of true mates were true and he wondered if Sam was his. He knew he would probably never know and it didn’t really matter. He had what mattered in his arms.
He breathed in deep and let the scent of lemonade wash over him. He had finally found his way home.