Work Text:
[you]
hey guys
guess what
[strawberrytea]
what!!!?
[you]
that girl i hated in my club?
she's @Tea&BookLover
and we r dating
everyone is typing...
۶ৎ
The way Natsuki first finds the discord chat that kinda changes her entire life, is through, technically, her father - though Natsuki doesn't like to connect them that way.
You see, one of his friends has, somehow (Natsuki doesn't understand how he can put up with her fathers antics, he's a horrible friend and they only talk once or twice a year. Maybe that's actually why, what's the saying? Absence makes the heart grow stronger? Yeah, sure it does) put up with all his shit over the years.
This friend also has a daughter, and whenever he comes round to drink beer and jerk off (or whatever men do together) they're always pushed together, sent upstairs to wallow in Natsuki's room until the friend leaves.
There are advantages and disadvantages to this.
Advantages - Her father is always more relaxed after his friend leaves, and is wayyyy less likely to notice Natsuki. Also, the friend always brings too much food for the both of them, so Natsuki is always supplied for the next week (and a half if she can make it last.)
Disadvantages - She has to put up with awkward little Momo, who cannot carry a conversation for her life.
Obviously, the advances outweigh the disadvantages by a lot, but Natsuki still dreads the hours she has to spend couped up in her room with Momo. She can tell that the girl is judging everything. The stains on Natsukis wall, the patchy paint, her old toys and ratty blankets. Looking down on her, thinking she's better than her.
Stupid Momo. Natsuki kinda hates her sometimes, with her pretty little pink dresses, the bows that sit so nicely in her hair, the compliments she gets from little old ladies, "Oh, you're so cute, Momo!"
Most of all, she hates how when her fathers friend leaves, he calls her name up the stairs and swoops her stupid body into his arms, or gives her stupid hair a little ruffle and snags her hand. It makes something in her stupid chest contract and ache. Stupidly.
But, she's getting away from the point. One day - nearing the end of Momos visits, as her father starts getting even more... weird and yuck, even to people who aren't Natsuki - Momo brings her shiny new phone with her. For once, she starts the conversation, leaning into Natsukis space as she chatters about all the new features it has, how she's the first out of her friends to get one, how she's so excited to talk to everyone!
Natsuki has a phone too of course, at this point she's thirteen (fourteen next month!) and had managed to weasel her birthday into her fathers memory enough so that he remembered, and got her a phone. Or well, he got it for free. And it was an old one one of her cousins didn't need anymore. And the screen was already broken. And it was actually a week after her birthday - but it doesn't matter.
What does matter is that Momo - who's a year older that Natsuki, so her father doesn't "snoop through all her stuff anymore!" (Something in Natsuki's head hurts at that. Why would her father look through her stuff? When she asks this question, Momo gives her a weird little side-eye and says, "well, to keep me 'safe', or whatever I guess."
Natsuki doesn't ask anymore questions, but her head still hurts)
Momo has this weird little app called discord. When Natsuki points it out, Momo brightens and clicks on it, going on about this-and-that-and-this. She tells Natsuki thats it's a chatting app, that you can have to get invites to gcs (groupchats, Momo explains, side-eyeing Natsuki again) to be added. She scrolls through her full list of gcs, yapping about what each of them are about.
She's scrolling past one, when Natsuki notices the profie picture. "Hey, what's that one?"
"Hmh? Oh, it's just a anime one, I think."
"But the character's from a manga?"
"Is she? Oh, I just joined for fun. I'm gonna leave it soon anyway, there's only like, five people."
"It's a he- whatever. Can I have the link?"
"...sure? I'll send it to you."
When Momo goes home, and Natsuki sneaks back up stairs, she immediately jumps onto her lumpy mattress, and downloads discord, waiting impatiently as the little download circle goes so slowly. It's probably just to spite her, Natsuki bets. She looks away and focuses on something else so it doesnt think its getting the better of her.
Once it does finally download though, she makes an account as quickly as her fingers can type, and finally joins the gc, her pulse rocketing up higher and higher.
She joins, is greeted by a massive text box displaying all the rules. She skim reads it before clicking off that channel and into the side bar, looking through until she finds "chatting!!"
She clicks on it, and her fingers are not shaking.
Natsuki starts typing, unsure of what to say so she just decides on "hey" boring, but, like, do you have any better ideas?
[you]
hey
i just joined
Yeah well that's obvious, Natsuki, she curses herself, teeth clenched.
[you]
my fav manga is kitchen princess
She adds, nawing on the inside of her cheek - not nervously!
[strawberrytea]
oh my god
MINE TOO????
And it unfolds from there.
۶ৎ
She grows to love the people in the little chat. Momo was right, there's only five people, six with her having joined, but they're all so friendly and encouraging. It's kinda shocking at first, how different it is too anything in her own life, but Natsuki takes it in stride, trying to give as much as she can get and taking things at her own pace.
The five people are: strawberrytea, who's very cheerful and likes that same manga Natsuki does, crash&burn, he's quite a lot older than most of the others in the group (Natsuki being the youngest) but is supportive all the same. There's niiomii, who's Natsukis' age, but is more into anime, she's also pretty cool, less excitable than strawberrytea. And crash&burns sister, fairy who is really funny and leaves Natsuki burying her face into her pillow at too-early hours of the moring so she doesn't wake up her dad.
There's one other person as well, Tea&BookLover. Natsuki... doesn't really know anything about that one. She asked strawberrytea, and they just said something kind vauge, like, yeah, she's pretty quiet, but really nice!
Natsuki doesn't really devote all that much time too thinking about the elusive Tea&BookLover, since she likes everyone else on the gc so much.
That's until she posts one of her poems.
۶ৎ
It's not purposeful, obviously. Natsuki didn't show everyone her poem because she wanted to talk to Tea&BookLover, she didn't even know they liked poetry, let alone that they would reply to a message.
But she did.
It starts like this:
[you]
HEY!!!
do any of u guys like poetry???
[strawberrytea]
ehhjh
kinda??
i HATE doing it in english and i dont read it outside of school tbh
[you]
well
i wrote a poem
like just now.
[strawberrytea]
well if YOU wrote it i obvi wanna read it!!!
[you]
okay okay!!
thoughts?
its my first poem too so
dont be mean!!!
Tea&BookLover is typing
[Tea&BookLover]
Well, I believe that the language you're using is pretty basic. While it does convey your point, it also doesn't really add anything to the atmosphere. The meaning is also very obvious, in my opinion, and while obvious meanings can help a poem stand out, it also helps the reader really think about what they're reading and what the author is really trying to say.
[strawberrytea]
SHE REPLIES!!!!
hellooo bookluver!!!
but i quite liked the poem @no.1kazamifan!!!
[Tea&BookLover]
Was that too much?
I really like poetry...
[you]
well you did go all in on the criticism part ig
but like thanks
i think??
Tea&BookLover is typing...
Tea&BookLover has left the chat.
[strawberrytea]
oh dear.
that's like the first time she's typed more than a few words
۶ৎ
She doesn't really know what to think. That's gotta be, like, rude right? To just go all off on someone like that, especially when they just said it was their first poem.
Weeeiiiiird, Natsuki thinks, and puts it out of her mind.
۶ৎ
Until she gets a message.
[Tea&BookLover]
I just wanted to apologise for what I said in the chat the other week. I didn't mean to be hurtful, I just love poetry and writing and when I see someone else new to it I tend to go overboard.
Of course, you don't have to accept my apology or anything but I just wanted to tell you because I felt terrible and I hope it wouldn't hurt any of your feelings.
[you]
it was pretty rude cant lie
but its okay since youve apologised
[Tea&BookLover]
Oh good!
Thank you.
[you]
no problem
do you write poetry?
[Tea&BookLover]
Yes I do.
It's one of my favourite pastimes.
[you]
sweet
wanna share?
[Tea&BookLover]
Well I don't want to be pushy.
It's not very good.
And my handwriting is hard to read...
[you]
jeez dont wanna show me its okay
[Tea&BookLover]
It's not that I don't want too!!
It's just embarrassing.
My poetry can be very personal.
[you]
some of the ones ive written recently have been kinda open too
you can show me one of the less personal ones maybe
Tea&BookLover is typing...
Tea&BookLover has left the chat.
Tea&BookLover opened the chat.
[Tea&BookLover]
Okay.
It's pretty old, so it's not as good as my more recent poems.
[you]
its fancy
[Tea&BookLover]
Thank you.
Yours is cute.
[you]
whats that supposed to mean?!
[Tea&BookLover]
Well the language is just very simple, that's all!
[you]
why does poetry have to be all fancy anyway!?
i dont understand why the meaning always has to be hidden
if i want to be blunt why cant i be blunt?
its really stupid
and pretentious
[Tea&BookLover]
Well, complicated language and layered meanings makes the poem stand out.
[you]
how can it stand out if all poems are the same?
[Tea&BookLover]
Its about the meaning behind the poem. You cant create a good, deep metaphor is everything is prevelant from the first glance!
[you]
thats just an excuse to keep poetry all the same!
i can do whatever i want with my poetry
[Tea&BookLover]
And I can do whatever I wish too in mine!
I suppose thought I might've found someone with a modicum of maturity in that gc but I don't know what I expected out of people who still like manga
[you]
you're in that groupchat!!!
manga is literature
why are you being so stuck up?!
Tea&BookLover has left the chat.
۶ৎ
Natsuki is actually fuming. She's on fire with how angry she is - how dare this stupid weirdo call her and her friends interests immature! She's the immature one - going off about how bad Natsuki's poetry is.
What a - what a bitch.
She grinds her teeth, almost aching for another argument so she can tell Tea&BookLover exactly where to stick it. But she won't.
That would be admitting failure, she left the groupchat first, and until she tries to talk to Natsuki, their argument will stay at a stand-still.
Natsuki is nothing if not stubborn. Nothing.
So she bides her time, she bakes and reads manga and talks incessantly in the gc, her heart palpitating whenever she sees that stupid, pretentious username online.
(the truth is, Natsuki is as angry as she is sad. The truth is, Natsuki thought she might've found someone who she would be able to share poetry with, someone who might take her seriously.
The truth is, Natsuki is very, very lonely.)
۶ৎ
Tea&BookLover is typing...
[Tea&BookLover]
Hello, I showed these messages to a friend of mine and they said that, apparantly, I had acted rudely, so I just wanted to say that I am very sorry.
[you]
you dont seem very sorry.
[Tea&BookLover]
I am.
It's hard to convey things over text, but I am deeply sorry.
[you]
even if u r sorry u were super rude abt my friends
every1 in the gc
why r u even in a gc abt manga if u think its so immature
[Tea&BookLover]
I first clicked on it because I thought it was about a book I liked.
My internet was bad at the time and the name at the time said "book lovers" but now I believe I may have missed the "manga" part of the name.
[you]
right.
so why stay?
[Tea&BookLover]
I felt like it would be rude to join and immediatly leave.
[you]
but its not rude to call someones hobby immature?
[Tea&BookLover]
I cannot help the things I don't like.
And I did apologise
[you]
yeah well if ur friend had 2 make u say it its not really an apology
id rather u just leave the chat rather than say smth you obviously dont mean
[Tea&BookLover]
They didn't make me apologise!
I came to them for advice and they gave me advice!
[you]
right.
well what were u even expecting 2 get out of this?
Tea&BookLover is typing...
Tea&BookLover has left the chat.
Tea&BookLover has entered the chat.
Tea&BookLover is typing...
[Tea&BookLover]
I wanted somebody I could share my love for poetry with, but clearly you don't want that so I will leave.
[you]
we can share poetry
but dont try and force ur ideas of good poetry onto me
[Tea&BookLover]
I was just trying to give constructive critisism.
[you]
theres a diffrence between contructive critisism and just being rude
like when i saw ur poetry and the advice you gave me was just you trying to make my style into urs
if we r gonna share poetry dont do that
[Tea&BookLover]
I won't, but it also goes both ways. I want to keep my style and you can keep yours.
[you]
fine
[Tea&BookLover]
Fine.
[you]
this is what i wrote today
advice?
[Tea&BookLover]
Well it depends on what kind of poetry youre going for, but the rhyming scheme you've tried out is a little haphazard, maybe next time you could try selecting words or lines of the poem that are supposed to rhyme with another line of poetry.
I do quite like the meaning of the poem though, and your handwriting is very neat.
[you]
its a start
ur turn
[Tea&BookLover]
Well?
[you]
i like it
[Tea&BookLover]
I thought you didn't like this style of poetry.
[you]
I never said that
I just said that I didn't want my poetry to be like that
doesn't mean I hate it or anything.
[Tea&BookLover]
Oh, okay.
[you]
well i think that u would probably be pretty good a freestyle if u ever wanted to try that
also i think that ur word choice is pretty good too, but i would switch out small with tiny
i think it just sounds better but its my opinion
[Tea&BookLover]
That's actually a pretty good idea, thank you.
Would you like to do this again?
[you]
yeah
i would.
۶ৎ
Yay! Natsukis brain says, completly without her permission. There's another notification on her phones cracked screen. It's from Tea&BookLover.
Ever since she had apologised, they'd been sharing poetry. Natsuki expected to hate it, expected Tea&BookLover to be a massive stuck-up weirdo, but... well. Natsuki guesses that maybe she's good at the whole poetry stuff. She's been doing it a little longer than Natsuki has, and she takes a lot of different inspiration than Natsuki does, but occasionally her advice can be pretty good. Sometimes.
Natsuki taps on the message, fighting to keep her face from morphing into a big grin, for no reason. At all.
It's a poem, like usual. A lined, unwrinkled piece of paper with her looped, curling handwriting written neatly into the lines. At first, Natsuki found it pretty hard to read it, but she's learnt ater all the poetry they send each other.
Tea&BookLover is still kinda nervous about sharing her poetry, that much is obvious. In all honestly... Natsuki isn't completly comfortable sharing hers as well, so that's why she only shows Tea&BookLover the boring simple ones she writes she she's in a rut. The ones she shows to her irl friends so they don't keep going on about her manga.
If they're both pretty scared... how is Natsuki supposed to make Tea&BookLover want to show her, her more personal poetry when Natsuki doesn't even want to do it herself? She's never been one to try and brighten peoples days, she's too - rough for that. Prickly.
Why does she even care anyway? What Tea&BookLover wants to show her, is none of Natsukis business.
Totally.
۶ৎ
[you]
hey
i wrote a poem but like its really really personal
and im kinda scared 2 show it 2 you because ik that we've only known each other 4 like a few months
but 4 some reason even tho we argue like loads
i feel really super close 2 you which ik is like super weird and cringe and ugh
THIS IS SO STUUUPPPIIDDDDDDDDDOUGIUGUTF&O^RTI&%RI&FUTFUOTFUTF
this is a draft, it will be deleted in seven days!
۶ৎ
[you]
i just wrote another poem
its personal though
its about how my dad never has enough food in the house and how i always feel scared when i get home and how i hatehatehate him a lot but i also rlly love him and idk why
oh my gof natsuki ur so CRINGEEEEEEE
this is a draft, it will be deleted in seven days!
۶ৎ
[you]
do u mind reading one of my poems?
its a little cringe tho.
and when u see it ur gonna think im pathetic
and hate me
this is a draft, it will be deleted in seven days!
۶ৎ
[you]
hey strawberry?
I need 2 ask u smth.
[strawberrytea]
yesssssss?
ask away my dear.
[you]
like
if I wanted 2 show some1 smth rlly personal
how would i like.
do that?
[strawberrytea]
aww babies first emotional conversation!
it kinda depends on whooooo?? they r and what u wanna show them!
but basically just say smth like "hey i wanna show u smth rlly personal is that okay?"
and just see wtv happens!!
[you]
right
okay
[strawberrytea]
am i allowed 2 know whoooo this is??
and what?
and where?
and why?
and how?
no.1kazamifan fan has left the chat
[strawberrytea]
NO IM SOWWY PWEASE COME BACK!!!
۶ৎ
[you]
hey i wanna show u a poem i wrote
but its personal so like
is that okay?
[Tea&BookLover]
Yes, that's fine with me.
I was actually wondering whether I could show you something personal as well?
[you]
fine with me
be pretty weird if id didnt since im like doing it too
Tea&BookLover is typing...
[Tea&BookLover]
I like it. It feels very raw, from the actual soul.
I didnt want to be rude before, but your poems did feel a little stale, like you where hiding something.
[you]
i like that too.
i kinda have the same problem
sometimes when I talk i feel like im just going to mess everything up
and that im just being rlly annoying.
[Tea&BookLover]
I feel like I can't do anything normally. Everytime I try to talk or connect to people I end up creeping them out when I start talking about my passions.
Or passion, really.
Even worse, is if they decide that they want to be friends, but only out of pity. I despise that.
[you]
same
id rather u just call me a baby 2 my face thanks.
Tea&BookLover is typing....
[Tea&BookLover]
I really liked sharing these personal poems. Can we do this again sometime?
[you]
sure i liked it too
u just gotta schedule a appointment with my secretary.
[Tea&BookLover]
I'm sure you must be swamped with everyone trying to talk to you.
[you]
now ur getting it!
۶ৎ
Time goes on, as time does, and Natsuki is in the last year of middle school, then high school and then -
She joins a club.
It was a last-ditch attempt really. She really needed a place to store her manga after her dad had torn it all up the last few times, and in school sounded like the best option since her locker was getting too full.
She was going to at least give the anime club a try, but after walking past and glancing at the guys in there, she turned on her heel and marched right back to the bulletin board, suppressing the shiver that raced up her spine. Weirdos! They were looking at her like she was a piece of meat!
Y-u-ck!
BookLover, would understand, Natsuki thinks, mournfully, eyes skimming over leaflets and pamphlets and posters. She said something ages ago about hating the way boys looked at her... jeez I can rela-
The Literature Club!
The best place to be yourself - come today! We'll write our way into your heart!
Be yourself huh? Natsuki would like a place to do that.
۶ৎ
[you]
oh my GOD guys
can i vent 4 a sec???
[fairy]
we give permission
[crash&burn]
we do
[you]
haha
but anyway
i like just joined this club cause they said smth or other abt like "being urself" or wtv and then when i try and talk abt/bring my manga in the club leader just bitches at me!!!
like i was literally just trying to join ur stupid club but fine I'll go ig
ugh like whats the point in trying to invite ppl in if ur just gonna push them out anyway!?
there was another girl there and she was pretty nice tho
[niiomii]
awwww im srry that sucks ass
wanna call 2 take ur mind off it?
[you]
ugh i cant
my dads home
[fairy]
why cant u just call and be quiet?
[you]
idk i just cant ig
niiomii, fairy and crash&burn are typing...
[you]
btw guys
Tea&BookLovers phone like blew up
so shes not gonna be online 4 a while
[crash&burn]
doesnt really make any difference
she like never talks
[you]
shes actually cool
[fairy]
oh shes cool huh?
[you]
SHUT UP
۶ৎ
Monika turns out to not actually be the massive bitch Natsuki thought she was. There was this whole heartfelt apology that made her head hurt and her chest ache weirdly, but like. She guesses it was pretty nice - really, nice.
These girls are some of the best friends shes ever had.
And after she sets those boundaries with Sayori, everything seems to fall into its place.
Apart from one stupid little - well. Tall, purple thing.
Yuri, is just so - rude! Natsuki doesn't even know why, is it because of the manga? Well if Monika doesn't mind, then why should Yuri?, she's either got to suck it up or go join a different club!
She's so condescending as well, like she physically cannot take Natsuki seriously or whatever. She constantly hints that manga is immature, that it's childish and she gets sooooo offended when Natsuki says she doesn't like her books! She's such a - weirdo! Natsuki just doesn't get it - At. All!
Like, why does she have to be so - so... queenly! She always looks down at Natsuki, like she's nothing even though Natsuki got over her middle-school emo "I hate people and also I'm soooo much better than everyone!" Phase agesss ago! But nooo, Yuri just seems to be stuck there, with her stupidly thick books.
(the worst part actually is, is that the reason Yuri is able to dig herself so far under Natsukis skin, is because she's Yuri. Because, Natsuki remembered noticing her in school before, remembered thinking "she's pretty." And shutting off the thought before it could fully form.
The reason she hates Yuri so much, is because Natsuki really, really wanted Yuri to like her, to think her poetry was good, to think that maybe Natsuki was more than just cute, maybe she wasn't immature and stupid for liking manga.
The reason is, Natsuki has a cru-)
۶ৎ
[you]
omg guys.
remember that girl i hated in my club
she just gave me a envelope
after we had that MASSIVE argument
[niiomii]
is it a bomb
[you]
maybe???
idk im gonna open it
[strawberrytea]
pwease dwont expwode!
[crash&burn]
if you dont stop fucking talking like that im gonna break into your house istfg
[strawberrytea]
heh......id like that u know...
😝
[crash&burn]
IM GOING TO FUCKING KILL YOU OH MY GODDD
[niiomii]
please get a room guys
also @no.1kazamifan whats in the envelope!?!
[you]
its a letter
omg guys she prolly just cussing m
[niiomii]
kazami?
no.1kazamifan has left the chat
[fairy]
shes dead
۶ৎ
Okay, so well.... Yuri isn't a stuck-up, pretentious bitch after all, Natsuki was... wrong.
Somehow, after their argument, after the - letter. After Natsuki finds Yuri sitting on the stairs, after they talk, after the cupcakes, after her panic attack. They become-
Friends. Like, scarily quickly. Like, actually scary. Natsuki's so scared she's gonna mess everything up and Yuri is gonna hate her again but - it doesn't happen. Yuri doesn't see through Natsukis mask, right into her real self. The selfish, angry, defensive girl who's exactly like her father.
Or, as Natsuki is slowly coming to realise. Maybe there is no mask, maybe there is no "real her." Maybe - she's the mask and the "real her". Maybe Natsuki is selfish and angry and defensive, but she's also funny, and caring and - in her own, stunted, stiff way - kind.
It doesn't stop the fear, but it lesses it a little. And then a week passes, and a month and then five months have gone by and her and Yuri are almost attached at the hip - all of them are attached at the hip.
Monika still hangs out with some of her other friends at lunch and break, but every other day she'll come seek the club members out, and they go to their place - the back of the school. Natsuki and Sayori steal some spare benches (Monika turns a blind eye.) And it's perfect. Natsuki brings her manga (and cupcakes, and cookies and no Sayori - I can't bring an entire cake to school!?)
Monika drafts more posters to put up around school, Sayori scrawls out her poetry, messy at first but more refined after each version, and Yuri takes her books.
Okay, so maybe at first, Natsuki was also being kinda judgy about Yuri's books, but she's over that now, like wayyyyy, over that. In fact - don't you dare tell actually anyone else this! - sometimes, if she gets to a point of a manga that she's already re-read or she knows something bad is going to happen she... well. ShereadsoverYurisshoulder!
Following as Yuri turns the pages. Tracking characters with names like "Auxliander Issam Devilish, the fourty-second." Halfway through one of her book, Natsuki starts recognising some of the names, they feel a little like old friends and at that point she goes back to her manga, cheeks burning.
But, sometimes when Monika is with her other friends and Sayori has skipped off to go talk to her boyfriend - they finally got together a little while ago, thank god, Natsuki was being put through her paces with their pining! - she ends up hanging out with Yuri at their spot - the out-of-commission stairs.
It's - Natsuki. She. Ugh.
She likes it okay? She really, really, really, REALLY, likes it. Every time they end up alone together, sitting on their stairs, a box of green-tea cupcakes between them, Natsuki feels so... quiet. She never thought she would enjoy it, feeling soundless, calm. A sea with no waves.
But sitting with Yuri brings her a strange kind of peace she finds herself seeking more and more often. She loves Sayori, loves Monika, they're her friends, the... thebestfriendsNatsukihaseverhad! and. Andshewouldn'ttradethemforanything!
But being with Yuri just feels different. It's hard to describe, Yuri would probably be able to do it easily, with all those fancy-nancy words she's got stored up in that brain of hers, but Natsuki fails. She likes her poetry as it is, but no matter how many or how few words she tries to put it into, she can never encapsulate what she feels with Yuri.
The only other person who is kinda aware of this is Tea&BookLover. Yeah, they're still going two years later, and Natsuki is proud to be able to call her a friend. She sticks though Natsukis fumbling attempts at decribing her-and-Yuri, and when she gives up, she - kindly - says that its probably for the best. That she can try in the future.
Tea&BookLover is just so nice. If you'd told Natsuki back in the middle of the last year of middle school, she would have told you to "fuck off" but yeah, she's a lifeline kind of. A patient, awkward girl around Natsukis age who she just connected with.
Yes okay, she has two crushes on two girls. Leave her alone, okay? Who wouldn't develop a crush on someone who actually tries to understand your point of view and helps you through poetry?
Ugh, all these feelings and honesty are making her sick. Yuck!
۶ৎ
[you]
think i might just give up on this 1 tbh
its just not rlly going anywhere
[Tea&BookLover]
If that's what you want to do, just remember you can always go back to it later.
Mind reading one of mine?
[you]
nah
go ahead
[Tea&BookLover]
[you]
oooh is it a horror one?
its actually halloween pretty soon if you think about it.
[Tea&BookLover]
Halloween is three months away.
And it isn't supposed to be a horror poem
[you]
its not THAT long if u think abt it.
is it not a horror poem?
huh
[Tea&BookLover]
It's supposed to be romantic.
I'm just really bad at writing romantic poetry, I suppose.
[you]
nah i dont think you are
it fits your style fine
but whos the lucky girl?
Tea&BookLover has left the chat.
[you]
booo
۶ৎ
"Sooooo, Natsukiiiiiiii...." Sayori says, halfway into their club meeting, she's been on the verge of saying something for the entire half-hour and it's been driving Natsuki up the wall.
"Yeah?" She asks, looking up from the manga that shes only read two pages of 'cause she's been waiting for Sayori to finally say whatever it is. Jeez, this better be good!
"I was thinking that as a club activity, we could start sharing poems..... with each other." Shw says, with a hopeful little smile.
A bolt goes up Natsukis spine, and she can see Yuri sitting up ram-rod straight at her desk, the one she likes to read at because it's halfway in the stream of sunlight that comings through the big open window - the one with the best view of an oak tree -, so it means she can sit at the desk and have the pages of her book illuminated but not be blinded by the actual sun - oh right. Sayori wants a response, oops.
"I, nnnn." Natsuki, scrunches up her face, like she eating a lemon. "I dunno, Sayori. You can share your poems but, like. Mine are...."
"I know your a pretty private person," Sayori says, clasping her hands together, like she's praying or something equally weird, blinking up at Natsuki with her stupidly big, blue, eyes. "But, like. I want us to be comfortable sharing stuff with each other. I'm not gonna, like, force you!" Sayori says, and Natsuki rolls her eyes, like Sayori would ever try to force anyone to do anything.
"But I want to be able to share my passion with all of you!"
"Mmmmmm..." Natsuki wrinkles her nose, watches Yuri - out from the corner of her eye - stare at her book and pretend she isn't listening.
"We could just trial it?" Sayori suggests.
"Like, just do one club meeting?" She asks, frowning.
"Yeah! And then if you really, really don't wanna do it again, you don't have too!"
Sayori grins and, like. Actually who can say no to Sayori when shes smiling? It's like kicking a puppy. To death.
Natsuki says yes.
۶ৎ
On a day where her and Yuri are left to their own devices, Natsuki decides to bring up the impending poem-share thats been looming over her mind since it was mentioned.
(What if they all hate her poems, what if they all think it's immature, what if they think Natsuki is childish and a kid and stupid and she can't d-)
She takes a breath, and breaks their silence.
"Yuri?" She asks, voice small. Or maybe the silence is just big.
"Yes, Natsuki?" Yuri replies, looking up from her book, smoothly tucking a strand of long purple hair behind her ear. Her voice is so nice. When she first meets people, Yuri stammers a lot or talks too much, but when she gets to know you, her voice evens out into a nice, deep, smoothness.
"I was, hoping. Well. I. I dont. The." She smacks her flaming cheeks with her palms and presses her face into her knees, embarrassment burning her alive.
She hears Yuri laugh - it's like a bell tolling, her subconscious says, like when they ring bells for marriage, hey you know who you should marry -
Natsuki cuts that thought off where it starts. She sits up.
"Lemmie start again." She says, ignoring how pink she probably is.
"Whenever you're ready." Yuri murmurs, a hint of amusement in her voice.
"I've been..." she screws up her face, glowering at the corner of the stairwell and sits the word out like it's a yucky bite of food. "Worried, about the poem sharing thing Sayori wants us to do. So, um. If... if you wanted too.... I thought we could - share some poems? Just between us, but, like, if you don't want too..." she flushes deeper, tucking her hands underneath her thighs and scowling at her knees.
Ah damnit! She thinks, I'm freaking shaking. Jeez, it's not that big of a deal, why am I making it a big deal? Ugh this is stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid-
"Natsuki?" Yuri says, voice velvet-smooth and soft and nice and calming. She sets her hand on Natsukis shoulder, a warming presence, a gentle reminder, you're not alone.
"I would love to share poems with you. I have to admit I've been... nervous, about the poem share myself, so I'd be thankful to do it with you."
"Oh," Natsuki lets out a breath she didn't realise she was holding, her shoulders sag and she relaxes, fully, for the first time in a while. "That's - that's good. Um... thank you, Yuri. I -it. I..."
Yuri smiles, a small, careful little thing, and nods her head. "I understand."
"Okay, awesome." Natsuki breathes out, a little breathless. The adrenaline rush has fades and now she just feels... kinda tired. Ugh, staying up all nigh talking to Tea&BookLover was not a good idea huh?
She supresses a yawn, and reaches into her school bag, ferreting around for what she should've put in there this morning...
There's a a granola bar (courtesy of Monika), a piece of paper Natsuki thinks might be it, but turns out to just be the drawing Sayori did of the two of them as Martin and Dory from Nemo, some manga, the box of cookies she brought for their club meeting later, some tape and blue tack for sticking up club fliers and finally her notebook in all its pink glory.
She fishes it out, and sees that Yuri has scooted down a step whike she was busy rummaging through her bag like a alley-cat. She flushes, but manages to banish the thought, god knows she seen Yuri do some weird stuff over the months, she's good.
"So, um. Should we do it at the same time?" Natsuki asks, craning her neck to look up at Yuri (stupid tall-ness... or whatever)
Yuri nods, and at the exact same time they both flip open their notebooks to reveal-
Natsuki knows that handwriting.
Oh my god, Natsuki knows that handwriting.
Fuck oh my god. Oh my fucking god - fuck shit. It's all so obvious, ugh, it's so obvious, fucking Tea&BookLover!? That's like, Yuris middle name or something!!!
Pieces of the puzzle start slotting themself in place, and at the end, Natsuki is left with a very, very embarrassing puzzle. Fuck - Yuri knows about her dad, and also her, like, malnourishedment or whatever and also that she likes -
FUCK.
Ohhhh god, oohhhh nonononono. If Yuri has connected the dots (which she will have since she literally read murder mysteries where you have to figure out the killer, for fun) then shes gonna know that Natsuki A) Likes a girl with long purple hair, B) this girl likes really complicated books and C) They got off on the wrong foot.
It doesn't take a genius, especially since she knows Yuri (or should she say fucking Tea&BookLover) also has a crush on someone so now everything is gonna be so awkward and-
Wait. Waiiiiit. Wait a second...
That poem that Yuri/Tea&BookLover had sent her a few months ago, about a girl with pink hair who she's scared of. The one that had made stupid, whimpy tears brim in her because of course the girl she likes had to like someone else, someone more sophisticated than Natsuki. The poem about the girl she liked.
A girl, with short pink hair.
Oh. Oh. My. God.
She's. So. Stupid!
It's only been a few seconds since they both showed each other their poems, but it feels like a lifetime. Natsuki looks up too see Yuri looking at her, face a flushed pink, eyes blinking rapidly.
Natsuki can hear her heart in her chest, she wonders if Yuri can hear it too. If she can hear the thunder of her pulse in her fingertips when she ghosts them over Yuri's long, boney fingers
She's at a loss for words. What is there to say? Maybe she could google it, or put it on reddit or something.
(TIME SENSITIVE QUESTION) what do you say when it turns out that the girl you have a crush on is also the other girl you've had a crush on online for like years and you've also been showing her the poetry you wrote about how much you liked her, and she also knows about your weirdo dad-
Hahaha. Yuri still hasn't said anything.
Natsuki is going to die. Or explode. Or die by explosion. Or like, embarrassment or being like on fire, or suprise? Hamsters can die from suprise right?
Natsuki feels like a hamster right now, small and scared and skittering.
"...Yuri," she manages to say, or well, whisper, since her throat kind of isn't working. "Yuri." She says again, louder, almost speaking volume. Like a normal person.
Yuri blinks, doesn't say anything. "I..." Natsuki trails off, thinking about that poem, the girl that haunted Yuri, the way she described it.
There's not really anything she can say, so instead she reaches up and out, fingertips brushing along smooth skin. Her heart is rabitting around in her head, doing backflips and shaking and so so happy.
Natsuki tilts her head to the side, leans up and fits their lips together.
At first, Yuri is still as a stone statue and a lightning-strike of fear races down Natsukis spine. She goes to pull away, but cold, thin fingers gentle wrap themselves around her wrists and tug her back.
Jeez, she thinks through the ringing in her ears, my manga was right, this is so awesome.
Neither of them are very good at kissing, since its the first time Natsuki has done it since she was like, seven and playing kiss chase with boys on the playground, and she bets it's also Yuris first time since playing kiss chase so they're both pretty inexperienced, but it's still good.
Yuri is warm, though her hands are cold, and their lips slot into each others so neatly, like they were molded for this, like they were meant for-
Natsuki cuts that thought off CRINGE!!!! And promptly stops thinking for a little while.
When they pull away, Yuris eyes are blown wide and she's looking at Natsuki like she's flying (she isnt, she looks down to check) and her hands are still wrapped loosely around Natsuki wrists.
Natsuki resists the urge to pinch herself.
"We're so stupid." Is what Natsuki says and then the bell rings.
۶ৎ
The next Literature Club meeting they go to, Natsuki and Yuri arrive at the same time, their hands interlocked and Sayori actually screams.
When Natsuki tells her later, Yuri doesn't believe it, but she knows she saw Monika dab at her eyes with a tissue.
But, in all honestly, once they get over the fact they actually knew each other for literal years before meeting, things kinda settle back to normal, there's nothing especially different about their relationship, only that sometimes they hug and hold hand and, like.... kiss and stuff and its all really, really, stupidly nice.
Sometimes they slip each other poems, on bad days and good days and Natsuki may or may not have a special box where she keeps all of them, and Yuri may or may not sleep with them under her pillow.
God. It's such a cringe thing to say, but Natsuki doesn't think she's ever been happier.