Chapter Text
Chapter 1 - why am I here?
Sakura had never asked this question to herself before, not when she first joined the academy, not even when she was bulllied by Ami and her friends and not even when her friendship with Ino broke. Yet today she was asking this question to herself.
No one asked her why she choose to be a shinobi not since she was 6 years old and barely stepping into the ninja academy. Maybe her parents did, she doesn't remember what her answer at that time had been. She wishes she did so she would have something to tell herself, to convince herself.
She regrets what she said to sasuke about naruto being an orphan and all the other rude words she said. The memory made her wince. Naruto's shocked expression. Sasuke's cold stare. The words had left her mouth before she could stop them.
Her mother has taught her better, she was supposed to be better but naruto has a talent for making her lose her temper.
She sighs, what was the point of wondering all this when everything already happened? Naruto that dobe- no, no more that. Naruto didn't even listen to her apology, something about expired milk or something.
She walks back towards their classroom, her appetite already gone and opens the sliding door. She almost sighs in relief when she sees no one inside before mentally scolding herself.
'What am I scared of?! of Naruto? As if he can do anything to me! Then perhaps Sasuke-kun..no way! He is the love of my life why would I avoid him! I will win his heart before Ino-pig even knows it!'
She falters, her thoughts pausing as she remembers sasuke words from earlier today. Did she still has a chance after all that? What if he hates her? Maybe she should lay low for a few days, just a few days so he can forget about it. It was totally not because she was scared or because the idea of flirting with him after all this made her stomach churn, definitely not!
Her earlier thoughts come rushing back to her in the silence, all the thoughts about why she choose this path and her dreams. Even inner sakura was silent today leaving her no one to talk to so she can fill the silence and ignore the depressing thoughts. Honestly saying, she doesn't exactly remember her reasons for joining the academy.
She met Ino after joining the academy, so that couldn't be the reason. Sasuke wasn't the answer either. She met him even later than Ino, not her parents either..so why? Why did she come to the academy? Sakura forces herself to think, to remember. She has always prided herself over her perfect memory yet that same memory seems to fail her today.
Sakura turns her head to look out the window, looking at the view of konoha visible from here, she sees the young academy students playing in the playground making her smile as she remembers herself doing the same and shouting about becoming an amazing kunoichi. Was that it? Was that why she joined the academy? Then looking at herself has sakura become closer to that dream?
She looks down at her figure, skinny from the dieting with no visible muscles except the ones she got from the sparring and daily taijutsu classes. looking at class rankings then yes she was strong, she was the top kunoichi but Sakura has always been smart, she wasn't stupid enough to delude herself into thinking she was truly the strongest among the girls.
Even if it hurts her pride to admit sakura knows she can't actually defeat ino in a spar, hinata even less no matter how shy that girl was, she was still a hyuuga. Why hadn't she trained? Ah yes because sasuke-kun wouldn't like girls like that but was she really sure of that? They were in a ninja academy for God's sake. It was impossible to have no muscles so if he didn't like a girl with muscles or anything like that then wouldn't he choose a civilian girl instead?
She felt pathetic, nauseous and fights the urge to puke everything she ate for lunch as she forces herself to face all things she had deliberately ignored the whole time. She was weak, utterly ridiculously weak. She can't even defeat ino, much less Naruto the class's deadlast.
The class door opens and she looks up to find naruto and sasuke walking inside. Now that she was seeing this without her rose tinted glasses that she had put on she can see how even though they both fought all the time, sasuke-kun looks the most relaxed around naruto.
She averts her eyes, unable to look at the two of them. She didn't even look at sasuke-kun for fear she would puke if she looks at him again and feels how much she has ruined her shinobi life.
Sasuke-kun was right, she really was annoying. There was no way he would ever like her now, even she can't like herself.
"-Chan! Sakura-chan!" Sakura blinks, realising she had spaced out and looks at the source of noise and finds Bright blue eyes that always looks so bright but actually had a darker blue shade mixed into it staring into her green ones.
"Y-yeah? What were you saying?" She forces a smile, digging her nails into the wood of her desk.
Naruto though surprised that she didn't hit him for being so close to her immediately smiles brightly and rubs the back of his head sheepishly. "Nothing, it's just you weren't responding at all so I decided to check if you are okay! Dattebayo!"
"Ah..i am fine, thanks for checking.." She glances at Sasuke-kun with small hope that maybe he was worried too even if slightly, that she was wrong about having lost her chance, that it was maybe a misunderstanding she had.
But that hope was bound to be crushed, sasuke wasn't even looking at her, his eyes glaring at the wall in front of him like it offended him.
She gulps down the urge to say something, fighting back the sting in her eyes and looks back at Naruto. "What are you doing?"
The blond boy went to the door and peered out into the hallway to see if their new sensei was just lurking out there for some reason. Sakura saw Naruto hop off the table he was standing on to lodge an erasure into the door. The boy caught her watching him and gave her a cheeky grin.
"It's what he gets for being late!"
Pfft," Sasuke said derisively. "Like a Jonin would fall for such a stupid booby trap."
Naruto scowled, but ignored him, turning to sakura instead, his expression was stiff, clearly expecting a scolding.
She hesitates, maybe on a regular day she would have done just that but she didn't feel like that today. "Just..be careful, he is still our sensei.."
Both Naruto and sasuke looks at her in surprise, Naruto because he didn't expect Sakura to say that and not scold him. Sasuke too was surprised, usually Sakura would have agreed with him and would have Scolded Naruto.
She averts her eyes, keeping her mouth shut and not saying anything more.
When the door moved the eraser fell and landed on the silvery mess of hair below it.
"HAHAHAHA!" Naruto howled. "You fell for it! You fell for it!"
She stares at Kakashi, baffled. Though seeing him being hit filled her with slight satisfaction through all the gloom she was still shocked to see a jonin being caught in a trap so easily. Was he tricking them? But what would he gain from tricking them, mere genins?
Kakashi for a minuscule moment stilled which sakura interpreted as surprise, before he fell into a languid body language, scooping up the eraser and inspecting it with a lazy look over.
"Hmm," he said cupping his chin in his free hand. "How can I put this? As for my first impression…?"
Naruto started to swallow back his wheezing laughter to see what the man would say.
"I don't like you."