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It had been a week or two since that first visit at Shockwave's house, and the fastest racer in the country was finding it hard to drag himself back to work. Blurr loved his life on the track, and had dreamt of being a racer since he was just a boy, ever since he first saw Moon Racer take home a victory with historical speed. When he and LongArm had moved in together, they had managed to save up enough money to start off the blue haired man's racing career.
He had worried that he'd stop loving it after LongArm's disappearance, but racing turned out to be one of the few outlets that still worked. When he missed his fiance, when he was scared of how they would find them, if they would find him, when he was angry at how a highly decorated detective, a friend of the city, could go missing in only an hour, he would run. Then he would drive. It spurred him on, made him a little faster on and off the track. He'd given up being stationary when he stopped going to their small house in favor of hotels or on the really bad days, the back seat of his car. But lately, lately he'd been eager to spend time in his home town. He still tried to stay as far away from the house as possible, but the local motel was still run by the same family it had been when he lived here, so they were kind and didn't ask him too many questions. He didn't know why, but something about the weird little family that he kept running into, he found himself unable to pull his thoughts away from them. The little girl with the letters, and her weird, damaged uncle.
It was his third or fourth visit, (each was started with a cup of coco that Sari would make them, always with a stick of cinnamon. Shockwave got two, "to make him feel special" Sari told him) Blurr was so taken over by a nauseating deja vu that he had to sit down on the floor by Shockwave's bed. The man had offered him a cold bottle of water, that too-familiar flash of concern only lingering in his visible eye for a single moment before it was washed away by that apathetic amusement he always wore.
Blurr had been told he regularly ruined his flings or relationships by trying too hard to compare them to LongArm, it was a flaw of his he was quite aware of. But when this many coincidences piled up what was he supposed to do? The hot cocoa was one thing, plenty of people took their cocoa with cinnamon, the favorite snacks, local staples, anyone in the area could have a fondness of the same snacks Blurr and LongArm used to share. But the books? They even had to have the same books on their bedside table?
Blurr had little trouble actually reading, he just preferred doing other things. LongArm had been one of the few people who could explain books to Blurr in a way he found interesting. When they first started dating, when money was tight and they both worked too many hours to spend as much time together as they'd like, LongArm would make Blurr lay his head on his lap, and would read him whatever story had struck the up and coming detective's fancy that week. One started popping up more often than the others.
It was a warm day, early fall. The smell of spice and crisp leaves in the air had almost lulled the speedster to drift off, LongArm's thick fingers working through his messy hair, massaging his scalp, when the familiar words rolled off of his lips.
Perking up, Blurr had forced his heavy lids open, squinting in the orange light of the setting sun and watching his partner through his lashes. "Carmilla again?"
An almost sheepish smile on LongArm's face made Blurr's stomach flutter. "Jus' surprised is all." Blurr barely stifles a yawn, warmth keeping his limbs heavy. "You're so smart, everyone in town talks about it.I just figured you'd pick something bigger, harder to read."
LongArm had chuckled at him, never stopping the long, slow strokes against the speedster's scalp. "Oh there are plenty of 'challenging' books that keep my fancy, Blurr. This one though, I think the charm keeps me coming back. You can feel the love in it."
They had talked a little longer, Blurr taking a mental note to actually read the book that had gotten his boyfriend to ramble for over an hour (a rare thing at that point in their relationship). Every time he saw that book, he'd think of LongArm. It was no different now than it had been then, only now the thoughts were sharp, painful shards of glass that left him bleeding for hours, even 5 years later.
He mustered up the courage to ask Shockwave about the book a week later, after Megatron had picked up Sari and left the two to clean up her mess (he'd get her back for it one of these days, the little demon was only fast when it came to evading her chores).
Shockwave had stayed quiet for a long time, so long Blurr wasn't sure if he hadn't heard him or was simply ignoring him.
"It's a reminder." Was the response that crept from behind the curtain.
"A reminder? I can't imagine you needing many of those. You can keep up with my talking and read and deal with Sari all at once." Shockwave was a steal trap, something Blurr tested with frequent information dumping and trivia cards.
A bitter chuckle rumbled in the other man's chest, what little Blurr could see of his scarred face twisting into a nasty grimace. "Even someone with my capabilities need reminders, Blurr."
And a reminder it would remain. Each page tainted with the past a nasty reminder of what had landed him here in the first place. Don't fall in love when you have an important job to do.