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- Next, - the doctor said, and Yeosang entered their office.
Wooyoung stayed in a small stuffy waiting room alone with his thoughts. He and the other two members of the boy group PHEROMONE are undergoing an annual planned health check-up. A venereologist is the last this time.
Wooyoung has been anxious lately. Mostly because Yeosang is sad for some reason, and Yeosang's pain is always Wooyoung's pain as well. In addition to this, Wooyoung wants to change their friends with benefits status to a serious closed relationship status more than anything now and cannot think of anything else.
This is unfortunate, as PHEROMONE is about to go on tour.
- Any complaints? - Wooyoung can hear the doctor say, as he is standing right to the door. The door is slightly open so he can also see Yeosang's red hair and a fragment of his shoulder through a narrow slit between the door and the doorframe.
- No, - Yeosang replied.
Wooyoung's feelings for Yeosang are stronger than ever, and it makes him want to fly, it is summer, the weather is amazing, Yeosang's birthday is in a week, they will spend June and July in Europe and see the most beautiful cities...
But Wooyoung is unhappy. Because he and Yeosang are technically not a couple. They are something else. A bit more than friends but still less than lovers. They are lovers by night and colleagues by day. Their bodies and souls merge in Wooyoung's bed at night, but the next day Yeosang behaves as if nothing has happened, as if it is just business. It is fair. Such is the nature of their arrangement. It has been like this since the beginning.
But Wooyoung has made a terrible mistake of falling in love, with his colleague no less, and now cannot imagine his life without Yeosang.
- How many sexual partners have you had over the past two weeks? - the doctor asked, and Wooyoung's heart nearly stopped.
He is holding his breath, and his eyes filled with tears from the tension and panic.
He knows that if Yeosang lists several people besides him now, he will go insane from jealousy and heartbreak. Even though they are not in a relationship and are free to do whatever they want. Technically. Yes, Wooyoung covered Yeosang's entire body in kisses two days ago, and they talked all night long afterwards. But it does not mean anything, does it?
Wooyoung wants to cover his ears or leave the room but Seonghwa is standing behind him, and other people are waiting with them too. It would look weird.
- One, - Yeosang replied. - Just one.
Wooyoung gulped, crossed his arms on his chest and pressed his forehead against the wall. He is overwhelmed with joy and relief. Yeosang meant Wooyoung, didn't he? What they have counts, doesn't it? Of course, it does. He is at the doctor's office, he is not going to lie now!
When Yeosang left the office, Wooyoung was ready to pepper his face with kisses but could not do it in front of others. Moreover, it was his turn. Lastly, Yeosang would not have liked it. He does not like public displays of affection and appears rather cold.
- Should we order pizza tonight? - Wooyoung suggested cheerfully when they left the hospital.
- You're in such a great mood, - Seonghwa smiled. - It's rare to see someone in a great mood after visiting a venereologist!
- Life is a party! - Wooyoung exclaimed and started twerking in the middle of the street. - Why not celebrate?
Besides, Yeosang's birthday is just a few days away. Wooyoung is already celebrating.
- I'd love to eat pizza, - Seonghwa said. - I like your idea. Yeo, what about you?
- I, uh... - Yeosang muttered absentmindedly. - Yeah. Yeah, okay...
Wooyoung's heart skipped a bit as he was looking at Yeosang with admiration. How should he confess? Where should he start?
Is Yeosang ready for a relationship?
At the dorm Wooyoung found Yeosang standing by a big kitchen window, rubbing his own arms. A small counter with an electric kettle, sugar, and paper cups is in front of him, but the kettle is not on, so he is not waiting for the water to boil. He is ruminating, observing the landscape outside.
Lush blue and pink hydrangeas are in bloom.
- Hey, - Wooyoung is trying to sound nonchalant not to scare Yeosang off. - What's up?
Yeosang turned his head, giving Wooyoung a chance to admire his profile.
- Hey, - he smiled. - The sky.
- You haven't eaten today, - Wooyoung remarked, fighting the urge to hug him from behind.
- That's because of the check-up, - Yeosang found an excuse.
Wooyoung sighed and nodded. He does not want to interrogate Yeosang if the latter does not feel like talking.
He came up to Yeosang, not saying anything, just enjoying his presence. He wants to bury his face in the crook of Yeosang's neck but it is better not to bother him right now.
- Pizza is on the way, - Wooyoung said softly. - You can join us.
- I will, thanks, - Yeosang smiled, but Wooyoung could feel his ice cold attitude.
Yeosang is like this. Cold and proud. If he is worried or going through something, he puts up a tall barrier around himself. Wooyoung wants to climb it, to demolish it but leaves Yeosang alone instead. He needs time.
They both need time.
- Please, eat, okay? - Wooyoung asked him, gently rubbed his arm and left.
After the pizza night Wooyoung ended up in Yeosang's bed again. He was not cold anymore, giving Wooyoung the warmth he was craving. Wooyoung is feeling the deep bond between them, and it is making him ecstatic.
He cannot be imagining it, it feels so real!
Yeosang is right here, on his knees in front of Wooyoung who is sitting on the edge of his bed. Yeosang is kissing his thighs and knees, almost worshipping him, gently rubbing his legs, sucking on his nipples, licking and kissing his stomach, as if trying to tell him something with no words. Wooyoung is holding Yeosang close, but not too close to assure him he has not lost his freedom, kissing his neck, shoulders and collarbones and rubbing his back.
After they finished, Yeosang climbed back to bed, and Wooyoung felt the wall rise up between them again.
- Are you upset about something? - Wooyoung asked softly and kissed Yeosang's shoulder.
Wooyoung does not smoke after they finish anymore, like he used to in the beginning, back when it was all a fun little game. He wants to smoke, though, as the tension between him and Yeosang is making him more and more nervous.
- Just the usual... - Yeosang shook his head and crossed his arms on his bare chest.
Wooyoung fought the urge to leave a kiss on his hip.
- They don't give me enough lines, - Yeosang complained, not naming names, and Wooyoung felt hurt. - They say I'm a talented dancer and should dance. But I'm a singer too!
- You're a great singer, - Wooyoung assured him, slowly crawling closer to him.
Wooyoung talked to one of their producers, expressing his willingness to give a part of his lines to Yeosang, but his proposition was declined.
- I wish I could just stand still for once so that everyone can only hear my voice! - Yeosang exclaimed in frustration.
It is dark in the room but Wooyoung can hear that his voice is trembling and can see the tears glistening in his eyes.
- If it doesn't change, I'll leave the group, - Yeosang revealed, and it hit Wooyoung like a hammer. - A smaller company has noticed me. They say I have potential and a considerable fan base so they can promote me as a solo artist...
- Oh, wow... - Wooyoung chuckled nervously.
It is for the better. Yeosang deserves this. Wooyoung should let him go.
- No wonder they noticed you, you would make a great solo artist, - Wooyoung said, barely holding back tears. - But don't you think it's...too early for that? Just...don't make a hasty decision, don't be in a hurry.
- Yeah, I know, - Yeosang nodded. - So far I'm just considering it.
So, he is ready to leave Wooyoung. Just like that. He does not need him that much...
Ironically, the next day Wooyoung had to go to the television company for his individual schedule. He has arrived in a terrible mood. He is here, participating in The Masked Singer, where people mostly judge him for his voice and its versatility, while the man he loves is upset because he does not have such opportunities! Wooyoung is ready to give his all to Yeosang, including the participation in this show, but it is unlikely to change something.
Nonetheless, Wooyoung must be a professional and use his pain as a creative tool. Art is a weapon, as they say. He has dressed as his character, Snake, and is now waiting to go on stage and fool everyone again. Hongjoong, their manager, is the only person who knows Wooyoung is Snake. Even Yeosang does not know. Wooyoung cannot tell anybody. It is a huge secret, and if he tells someone, his company will be fined.
All Wooyoung can hope for is that Yeosang watches today's episode. It is set to air right before his birthday, at the beginning of their European tour leg.
Tove Lo & Stromae - des fleurs
- Love the way you flirt, - Snake started singing, having marched on stage confidently. - It's so obvious but you're so cold...
Yeosang is unlikely to watch this and recognize Wooyoung, but Wooyoung is desperate, and this hope is all he has. He also hopes Yeosang does not feel hurt or envious after watching his performance. The last thing Wooyoung want is to be Yeosang's rival. He does not want to compete with him and does not need his envy, contrary to what the word of mouth has it. He needs his love.
- I'm not the worst lover out there, - Snake sang.
Wooyoung is feeling really vulnerable, pouring his soul out, spreading his ribs and exposing his heart for the whole world to see. Snake's heavy costume with a large golden cobra's hood is his armor.
- It's just that we always put on a bit of a show, - Snake sang, and their voice trembled at the end.
The judges and the public adored Snake's performance so they were not eliminated. Funnily enough, Wooyoung will have to fly back to Korea from whatever European city he will be at the time to shoot the next episode. He will have to fly alone. Without Yeosang. Quickly fly to Korea and come back to Europe.
The devil on Wooyoung's shoulder is whispering to him, forcing him to make it look like he is flying to a secret lover back in Korea to make Yeosang jealous.
But it will be later, not now. Right now Wooyoung is fighting his demons and a bitter pain of abandonment, that is cutting through his soul like a dagger. Is Yeosang really ready to leave him? Does he not care in the slightest? Was it all just a game to him?
On the plane to Paris Wooyoung felt nauseous and refused to eat. Today is Yeosang's birthday but Yeosang seems upset. They have barely been talking for the past few days, and Wooyoung is withering without his touch.
After the plane landed, Wooyoung kept Yeosang at a distance. He will let Yeosang go, if so he desires. He did not try to tease him like he usually does, did not try to bite his neck or touch hands as if on accident. Yeosang is not his, and he is not Yeosang's. He needs to remember this. His birthday gift to Yeosang is not bothering him and letting him be.
They are just colleagues, after all.
- Guys, we're meeting at 3 p.m. in the lobby, - Hongjoong, the group's manager and the members' friend, is whispering, turning around to see that Yeosang cannot hear them.
Yeosang is at the reception, going through the check-in procedure, and Hongjoong used this opportunity to discuss his birthday celebration.
Wooyoung sighed. There go his plans to stay in his hotel room and watch sad shows! What is the point of the most romantic places of Paris if he cannot enjoy them together with Yeosang as a happy couple?
- Woo has ordered a cake in a Parisian bakery! - Hongjoong revealed at last in a hushed voice, smiling. He was dying to share this secret with someone.
- So cool! - Seonghwa giggled.
Wooyoung bit his cheek to hold back tears. Yeosang soon came back, and Wooyoung went to the reception so that the rest could not see his red face.
He was ready to break into tears as soon as he set foot in his hotel room but was taken aback by an unusual interior detail and stopped in his tracks, dropping his suitcase.
He approached the bed cautiously, as if he was walking on a mine field. As if a huge bouquet of roses were a bomb about to detonate.
"Des fleurs, des fleurs, toujours des fleurs..." - was written on a note in Yeosang's handwriting.
Wooyoung covered his mouth with his hand and shut his eyes, then called the reception to ask for a vase and went into the shower. After the shower he put the flowers in the vase, smelled them once again and left the room.
The members met in the lobby at three in the afternoon, as planned. The cake is to be delivered to a café near the Eiffel Tower where they are going to have supper.
- Let's go, birthday boy! - Hongjoong told Yeosang with a smile when the latter came down to the lobby.
He looks absolutely breathtaking, but Wooyoung is behaving appropriately. Like his colleague.
After going sightseeing and taking a lot of pictures, the four got hungry and went to the café in a great mood. A waiter came up to their table with the cake in his hands right as they were tasting snails with red wine.
- Happy birthday to you, happy birthday to you! - Wooyoung, Hongjoong and Seonghwa are singing, clapping their hands.
Yeosang is flustered, blushing and hiding his face, but happy.
- Thank you, guys, - he thanked them. - Oh, the flowers...
The pointed at dry roses on the cake.
- They're edible, - Wooyoung informed him. - And very sweet.
- But they are...plants, - Yeosang looked down at them. - Won't they have a bitter taste?
- You don't have to taste them, - Wooyoung assured him. - They might as well just be a decoration.
Yeosang nodded, looking at the flowers. Wooyoung's plan to be nonchalant has failed.
- You're free to decide, - Wooyoung said softly.
Yeosang ended up tasting one of the roses and seemed to have enjoyed it. After they payed the bill, the four of them headed out to the Eiffel Tower. The first stars have appeared in the sky, and a light summer wind is blowing.
While Hongjoong and Seonghwa were taking photos in front of the Eiffel Tower, Wooyoung took a deep breath, then exhaled and approached Yeosang.
- Did you you like the dry roses? - Wooyoung asked him. - It was a Persian love cake...
- I did, - Yeosang replied, smiling, as the wind is blowing through his hair. - They turned out to be sweet, just like you'd said. Did you like the fresh roses?
Wooyoung felt a sting in his chest.
- I did, very much, - he responded with a serious expression and longing in his gaze. - I actually have another gift for you. Not from the group but from me personally.
He handed Yeosang a velvet case with an expensive gold dangly earring, the kind that Yeosang likes so much. It is in a form of a butterfly, Yeosang's favorite symbol.
- Happy birthday, Yeo, - Wooyoung said softly, as Yeosang was putting the earring in. - Be happy.
- Thank you... - Yeosang replied with pain in his eyes.
Wooyoung looked down and fixed his hair.
- I love you, Sangie, - he finally confessed. - But I don't want to force myself onto you or restrict your freedom...
Yeosang touched his chin with his fingertips and locked their lips.
They have done all kinds of freaky things together, but Wooyoung's heart has never raced that much.
- This is the best gift ever, - Yeosang whispered against Wooyoung's lips. - I love you too, Woo.
Wooyoung chuckled happily and cupped his face.
- I was just scared to confess and thought it wasn't as serious to you...- Yeosang went on. - Because it is very serious for me. It was one thing when we were just blowing off steam but then, when I fell for you...I only wanted you to myself and got jealous very easily. And I thought you did not need any of my toxic monogamy. So I figured the best thing I could do was just...let you go. So I've started letting you go little by little. But then I saw your performance...
- You've recognized me? - Wooyoung asked a rhetorical question.
- Of course, from the very first episode, - Yeosang replied softly, touching Wooyoung's elbow. - And I thought...What if I try to make you mine as a birthday gift for myself?
- I'm only yours, darling, - Wooyoung whispered and rubbed his nose against Yeosang's. - Happy birthday...
Turns out Yeosang loves public displays of affairs affection, just like the smell of roses. The roses were the last thing Yeosang saw before falling asleep in Wooyoung's arms, and their sweet smell lulled him.