Work Text:
It was the full moon's fault. It was the wind, and the perfume of the wisteria in the cool night.
Yue had gotten a caress on his hair, but it was long that a bubble of hope had been growing inside him, and the honesty of his feelings burst through his heart.
"I hope you like the way you made me," he said.
"I do," Clow answered, so calm, but he must have understood. Yue knew he was pretty, and if he was in love, it must have been by design.
This day he risked all his happiness for a higher one.
"I have hoped for other things. I love you. You're my special person and I want..."
He wasn't sure what he wanted. He didn't hope for his love to be requited. He was Clow's servant. He hoped for it to be welcome, to be a joy to his master; he hoped for a kiss maybe. There was a part of him that had dreamed about being used, even if he knew his body hadn't been built for love like his heart had been.
He thought he had planned it. He had just dreamed about it. The pretty song in his heart turned into weak words outside.
"I only want to please you," he said finally.
And for a few seconds, the night was silent and hope smelled like flowers.
"I'm so sorry," Clow said, and if he had said anything else, being held in his arms might have been the sweetest thing in the world, and being kissed on the forehead might have him melting in happiness, but he was _sorry_, so sad for making Yue sad, and their sadnesses were mirroring each other, creating infinite reflections, making the whole night so cold.
Yue had risked all his hope and had lost it.
His heart had been free and had lost itself.
"Please tell me you won't resent me," he whispered, trying to salvage at least a little happiness from the wreck. "Please tell me you'll pretend nothing has happened."
"I won't resent you." Clow took his shoulders, and put him away. It was necessary, and it hurt. He looked him in the eye. "I didn't want to break your heart, I promise," he said. "If you want to, I'll erase your memories of this evening."
Yue felt like he was choking, but he wasn't sure if it was on hope or despair.
"Would you erase my love?" he asked.
"Never. I don't think even the strongest magic can erase love, and if it did it would be wrong. Just the memory of my answer."
It was so tempting, being able to get back his hope. But wouldn't Yue condemn himself to lose it again and again?
"Is it the first time I’ve told you?" he asked in terror.
"Yes."
Yue could breathe better, as the certainty sunk in, and he realized that he wouldn't want his pain to be cut from him. Confessing hadn't been a mistake, it had just been fatality.
"Don't," he answered. "I'm strong enough for this."
"One day," Clow said, "you'll meet the person who's made for you."
This might have hit more cruelly than his previous rejection. Clow had created him, and if it wasn't for him, it could at least be for no one else.
Yue didn't say anything, just shook his head, his long, moonstruck hair rippling so softly that it might have been the wind.