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It was supposed to be an uneventful evening. A party at Lan Qiren’s to celebrate Lan Xichen’s new job. It should have been a few hours of boring adult conversation and trying to make sure Wei Ying didn’t break any important rules but instead while they were all congregating in the kitchen, Huaisang dropped a bombshell…
“Word is that Xichen has a Twinkie in the city.”
Jiang Cheng choked on his drink and Wei Ying raised an eyebrow at him. Lan Zhan’s expression did not change. “Xichen does not eat junk food.”
Huaisang rolled his eyes. “That is not what I meant. I mean he has a shiny new boyfriend who is somewhat younger than him and he boinks him when he goes into the city.”
Lan Zhan blinked very rapidly.
“Huaisang! You broke my best friend! Lan Zhan sweetheart, come back to me. Blink once if you can hear me…” Wei Ying pleaded.
“Who calls their best friend sweetheart,” Huaisang whispered to Jiang Cheng. Jiang Cheng shrugged and looked at the wall. Huaisang narrowed his eyes. “You’re being weird.”
“Fuck off,” Jiang Cheng growled.
“No, you’re being weird and I suspect it’s because you know something…do you know who Xichen is dating?” Huaisang asked.
“HOW THE HELL WOULD I KNOW THAT?!”
The room fell silent. Wei Ying looked at Jiang Cheng with wide eyes and a wider mouth. Even Lan Zhan had a slightly less blank expression than usual.
“You do know something!” Huaisang screamed excitedly. “Tell me!”
“I know nothing. You need to shut up. Everyone needs to shut up. This party is about Xichen. It’s about Xichen’s new job.”
“His new job in the city. Does everyone note that Xichen is planning on moving to the city?” Huaisang pressed.
Wei Ying shrugged with his arms wrapped around Lan Zhan’s neck. “So?”
Huaisang rolled his eyes. “Why would Xichen suddenly want to move to the city when his family is all here?”
“The Twinkie,” Lan Zhan whispered and Huaisang nodded.
“Twinkie?” Lan Xichen asked, suddenly appearing in the doorway.
The room fell silent once more.
“Brother,” Lan Zhan said, stepping forward. “You can tell me anything. I am…here for you.”
Xichen smiled. “That’s nice and not at all mildly concerning. Why is everyone looking at me?”
“Because of your Twinkie,” Lan Zhan said seriously.
“My Twinkie?” Xichen asked.
“Erhhh he means my Twinkie! You know how I love junk food! Ha ha ha!” Wei Ying yelled, reattaching himself to Lan Zhan‘s neck.
“Very well, I just came to get a drink,” Lan Xichen explained. He moved to the bench to pour himself a cranberry juice, his arm slightly grazed Jiang Cheng’s as he poured. Jiang Cheng moved away in-case eagle eyed Huaisang noticed. Lan Xichen paused for a moment, then continued.
“I’m going to the bathroom,” Jiang Cheng announced loudly then stomped out of the room. He stood in the bathroom checking his watch and pacing until Xichen finally sneaked into the room.
“What’s wrong?” Xichen asked, looking concerned.
“I’m a fucking twinkie!” Jiang Cheng hissed.
“Pardon?” Xichen replied.
Jiang Cheng explained what Huaisang had said. Xichen looked amused.
“This isn’t fucking funny!” Jiang Cheng snapped.
“It’s a little funny,” Xichen replied. “You are my Twinkie in the city.”
“I AM NOT A FUCKING…humph!”
“Shhhh,” Lan Xichen urged, putting his hand over Jiang Cheng’s mouth. “You are not a twinkie to me, you know how I feel about you Jiang Cheng. It is true that I am moving to the city to see more of you, that has to show you I am very serious about you.”
Jiang Cheng nodded and Xichen moved his hand away from his mouth. Xichen held out his arms and Jiang Cheng walked into them and allowed himself to be hugged.
“We could tell them?” Xichen offered. Jiang Cheng made a noise and buried his head in Xichen’s chest. Xichen sighed and stroked his hair. “You know I’ve wanted to go public for a while, are you embarrassed by me?”
“No! I…” Jiang Cheng didn’t know how to explain. He made a business of seeming above emotional bullshit so how could he tell Xichen that the reason he couldn’t let their relationship go public was because he couldn’t stand to see the hurt in the eyes of his brother who he loved so dearly when he realised that Jiang Cheng had accomplished what he had been trying to do for a decade…bag a Lan.
They both looked at each other in silence until Xichen sighed. “Okay,” he conceded and kissed Jiang Cheng’s forehead. “We should head back out there…”
“Lan Zhan come in here!” The handle to the bathroom started to jiggle.
Xichen grabbed Jiang Cheng’s hand and they jumped into the bath and behind the shower curtain just before Wei Ying came plowing into the bathroom with Lan Zhan being dragged in behind him.
“Wei Ying, why are we in the bathroom?” Lan Zhan asked.
There was the sound of footsteps. Wei Ying pacing, Jiang Cheng was sure of it. “Um…so Lan Zhan…there’s something I want to…okay…so just…”
Jiang Cheng rolled his eyes and Xichen smiled clearly amused.
“Wei Ying, are you well?” Lan Zhan asked.
The room was quiet for a moment. Jiang Cheng held Xichen’s hand and his breath.
“I want to be your twinkie!” Wei Ying cried.
The room fell quiet once more.
“You want to be…my…twinkie?” Lan Zhan asked very slowly.
“Yes! Lan Zhan, I love you. There I said it! I love you and I want to be your twinkie and I want you to be my twinkie and I want us to live twinkily ever after!”
Jiang Cheng pretended to throw up and Xichen pressed his lips together to suppress his smile.
“Wei Ying….” Lan Zhan replied. “I love you too and I want to be with you but please…stop saying the word twinkie.”
“Done!” Wei Ying yelled and then…then followed the most horrible sounds that could only be Lan Zhan and Wei Ying making out.
Jiang Cheng squeezed his eyes shut and Xichen covered his ears for him.
“Lan Zhan…do you really think your brother has a twi…a boyfriend in the city?” They heard Wei Ying ask.
Jiang Cheng opened his eyes and Xichen lowered his hands from Jiang Cheng’s ears. They looked at each other.
“I think that brother must have a good reason for moving to the city and if that reason is a boyfriend, I support him.”
Xichen smiled.
“Yeah, I agree with you Lan Zhan. I support him too. I love you so much, I understand why he would want to be close to the one he loves too,” They heard Wei Ying say.
“Love you,” Xichen mouthed to Jiang Cheng.
“Love you too,” Jiang Cheng mouthed back.
“Let’s get back out there Lan Zhan and hold my hand tight, I want everyone to know we’re a couple now!” Wei Ying announced.
“Mn,” Lan Zhan replied. The bathroom door opened and closed and Xichen and Jiang Cheng waited a few minutes before sneaking out from behind the shower curtain.
“Well, I’m glad they finally worked that out,” Xichen said.
Jiang Cheng nodded.
“Maybe now that that is resolved we can revisit going public?” Xichen offered.
Jiang Cheng’s eyes widened. “You knew why I didn’t want to tell people about us?”
Xichen nodded and tucked a lock of hair behind Jiang Cheng’s ear. “I know how protective you are of your family, Jiang Cheng. I respect your feelings.”
Jiang Cheng gazed up at his boyfriend. The man who had endured countless early mornings in order to leave the flat before Wei Ying could catch him, the man who endured being listed as ‘plumber’ in Jiang Cheng’s phone just in-case his brother decided to snoop one day. He deserved better and Jiang Cheng decided today was the day he would make that happen. He took Xichen’s hand in his and squeezed it. “Let’s go out there, and tell them I’m your twinkie,” he said.
They still left the bathroom one at a time as they didn’t want to start off unveiling their relationship in such a scandalous way, this was still Lan Qiren’s house. Xichen left first and headed to the kitchen a few minutes later, Jiang Cheng followed. Wei Ying and Lan Zhan were holding hands and smiling at each other. Huaisang was making a toast to them finally getting together. “Ahhh look at this! Lan Zhan and Wei Ying all loved up at last! Hey Xichen, this would be the perfect time for you to tell us who your boyfriend is?” Huaisang urged.
Xichen looked at Jiang Cheng.
“Why are you looking at him for?” Wei Ying asked. “Does he know who your twinkie is?!”
“Wei Ying you said you would not say that word again,” Lan Zhan frowned.
“Oops, sorry Lan Zhan! Tell you what, I will owe you a kiss for every time I say that word. Call it penance.”
Lan Zhan nodded.
“So why is he looking at you Jiang Cheng?” Wei Ying asked.
Huaisang suddenly cried out. “Oh! No…really? How could he have missed…how could I have missed…oh this is delicious! This is truly delicious!”
Xichen smirked at Jiang Cheng who could feel his face going redder and redder.
“What does Huaisang mean?! What’s going on?” Wei Ying wailed.
Jiang Cheng opened his mouth. Then closed it again. Then opened it again.
“Jiang Cheng we don’t have to do this…” Xichen started.
Huaisang made a disapproving noise. “Oh no he absolutely does have to do this…come on Jiang Cheng you can do it…just say the words…I’m his…”
“His what? What are you, Jiang Cheng?” Wei Ying demanded, then his eyes widened. “You’re not…his twinkie?!”
“That’s one,” Lan Zhan said.
“You’re his twinkie?!”
“That’s two…”
“No you can’t be! How would you be…Jiang Cheng! You’re the twinkie?!”
“That’s three…”
“He is not a twinkie…” Xichen interjected firmly.
“That’s still three brother does not count,” Lan Zhan interjected.
Xichen sighed and walked over to Jiang Cheng and took his hand. “He is my twinkie…I mean my boyfriend! He is my boyfriend! My much loved boyfriend and my reason for moving to the city.”
“It’s true,” Jiang Cheng confirmed.
“For how long?” Wei Ying asked.
“Six months,” Xichen confirmed.
“Six months?! You’ve been his twinkie for SIX MONTHS?!” Wei Ying shouted.
“That’s four…” Lan Zhan added.
“I can’t believe this! You were sneaking around behind my back! I feel so betrayed!” Wei Ying wailed.
“I didn’t want to tell you because I didn’t want to hurt your feelings you idiot!” Jiang Cheng shouted back.
“Well you hurt my feelings anyway! I would have been happy to know you were Xichen’s twinkie…I would have supported you!”
“That’s five…” Lan Zhan counted.
“WILL EVERYONE STOP SAYING IM A TWINKIE!” Jiang Cheng screamed.
“What on earth is going on in here?!” Lan Qiren boomed appearing in the doorway to the kitchen.
Huaisang clapped his hands together. “Well…Wei Ying and Lan Zhan just started dating tonight but it seemed that Jiang Cheng and Xichen have been secretly dating for six months already and Jiang Cheng doesn’t like being referred to as Xichen’s twinkie even through he totally is Xichen’s twinkie and Lan Zhan is keep track of all the times Wei Ying says the word Twinkie so he can collect kisses for it later.”
Lan Qiren rubbed his forehead. “Very well…Lan Zhan, I’m glad you have finally revealed your feelings for Wei Ying who apparently managed to miss your adoration even though I think it was blatantly transparent to everyone including single cell organisms. Xichen I’ve been aware of your relationship with Jiang Cheng since I overheard you two having what I can only refer to as an intimate video call…I’m glad you have finally decided to reveal your relationship but Jiang Cheng is not a twinkie and should not be referred to as such, and Lan Zhan, you do not need to blackmail Wei Ying for kisses, everyone in this room knows he will kiss you as many times as you wish simply because he loves you. Now, everyone who is related to me, or is a boyfriend of someone related to me, you will attend a family dinner in two days time and we will discuss the logistics of these new arrangements but for now everyone will keep their voices down and behave!”
Everyone mumbled their agreement and Lan Qiren left the room.
“Was anyone else turned on by that?” Huaisang asked whilst fanning himself. Everyone ignored him.
“Lan Zhan! He invited me to dinner! I’m family!” Wei Ying announced.
“Mn,” Lan Zhan replied with a smile.
“You are also family,” Lan Xichen whispered to Jiang Cheng. Jiang Cheng smirked. “And apparently I am not a twinkie.”
“You most certainly are not,” Xichen confirmed, pressing a kiss to Jiang Cheng’s lips.
“Ew, let me get used to it first before the public displays!” Wei Ying complained.
Jiang Cheng rolled his eyes. “My boyfriend can kiss me if he wants to, if you don’t want to see it go take your boyfriend somewhere and kiss him instead.”
“You do owe me six kisses…” Lan Zhan said.
Wei Ying frowned. “Six? I thought it was five?”
Lan Zhan blinked and Wei Ying shrugged. “Oh well, if you said six it must be six! I trust you! Come on my darling Lan Zhan! Let’s find somewhere private to complete our business.”
“Mn,” Lan Zhan said happily as he was dragged away.
Jiang Cheng and Xichen looked at each other then looked at Huaisang who was happily watching them. “Don’t mind me,” Huaisang said, taking a sip of his drink.
“Fuck off, Huaisang,” Jiang Cheng snapped.
Huaisang rolled his eyes. “Fine. I’ll leave you to smooch in peace. Maybe Lan Qiren would like to lecture me somemore…I think I’ll go find him and find out…”
Xichen frowned as Huaisang left. “You don’t think he really has designs on my Uncle, do you?” He asked Jiang Cheng.
Jiang Cheng shrugged. “Your Uncle is a big boy, he can take care of himself. Now where were we?”
Xichen smiled at him. “I was about to kiss my twinkie…I mean my boyfriend…I mean my….sorry…I think it will take a while to get that word out of my head.”
Jiang Cheng sighed. “It’s okay, I’m sure we can replace it with something better.”
“Perhaps…husband?” Xichen offered.
Jiang Cheng’s eyes widened. “What the fuck?! Xichen you can’t just…humph!”
Xichen kissed him before he could get any more words out and as he melted into his boyfriend’s embrace he couldn’t help but concede silently to himself that husband was a huge improvement over twinkie.
The End!
PS Lan Zhan got a lot more than six kisses and he was very smug about it.
PPS Qiren did lecture Huaisang for three hours and was impressed with Huaisang’s rapt attention throughout.
PPPS…Jiang Cheng got promoted to husband one month after Xichen moved to the city. Wei Ying was very jealous which made it all the sweeter for Jiang Cheng.
PPPPS…Lan Zhan is going to propose to Wei Ying tonight…Wei Ying will refer to himself as Lan Zhan’s twinkie for life and Jiang Cheng will throw a shoe at his head.
The “real” end!