Chapter Text
“I don’t wanna go.”
Jax was kneeling, face buried into Pomni’s shoulder, tears falling that he hadn’t let anyone see in years.
For the first time, he couldn’t hide behind sarcasm or force a joke to cut through the fear. Pomni had seen everything; every broken piece of him was exposed.
And he despised it.
Not because she judged him.
But because she didn’t.
They stood in the consuming darkness, the only light coming from a random street lamp. There was a moving silence around them, like deep static and distorted memories swirling around their embrace.
Pomni wasn’t sure how much time had passed since she had been in the abstraction, but she was simply relieved to have found the real Jax. She wasn’t sure if all of those other versions were real or mere reflections that he was trying to portray, but she didn’t care. Pomni was holding on and refusing to let go, even if she had no idea how this worked or how they would get out.
“Then don’t... Stay.” It came out barely above a whisper. Pomni was crying too and couldn’t help the tremble that escaped with her words.
To Jax, Pomni made it sound so simple, so comforting, yet it seemed impossible. Nobody came back from abstraction; nobody was able to walk away from this h*ll.
Yet... Here Pomni stood, holding him.
In a place that might not fully exist in any real sense, asking him to stay.
And for once, Jax couldn’t think of a sarcastic remark.
The silence didn’t last for long.
The streetlamp above them flickered, just once at first, like a glitch in “reality” itself.
Pomni felt it before she understood. Something was behind her, reaching out.
Not a sound. Not a shape. Just a pressure, like the air had shifted differently, like the world was suddenly aware of her holding on and didn’t approve of it.
Then came the voices.
Faint, distorted, threading through her thoughts like broken radio signals. Calling her name. Telling her to let go and come back.
Her breath hitched.
“No…” she whispered, tightening her grip on Jax.
The ground beneath her felt heavier, as if it had decided she wasn’t welcome there anymore.
The flickering light sharpened… Once… Twice…
The presence behind her surged, no longer hypothetical, but undeniable now.
Something latched onto her from behind.
Cold. Firm. Real.
Plastic locked around her, yanking her backward hard enough to break her stance for a fraction of a second.
Zooble.
“...Let go.”
The words slipped out of Jax like they hurt to say, barely a breath. Not a command, but a refusal to make this harder for her than it already was.
But the words didn’t stop her this time. They only made something inside her tighten.
He was telling her to let go.
After everything she had just seen. After she had finally decided not to run, he was still trying to push her away.
“No,” Pomni whispered again, with a little more force.
It wasn’t even a response to him. It was for herself. For the part of her that had finally stopped being alone. A selfish instinct that wanted to hold on to what they had.
Zooble pulled harder behind her, plastic digging in, dragging her body back slowly.
Pomni shook her head.
“I can’t-” her voice broke, “I won’t do that.”
Her grip on Jax didn’t loosen; if anything, it tightened further. Like letting go wasn’t something she was willing to learn at this moment.
Zooble’s pull tightened, plastic digging in harder around Pomni’s middle, dragging her backward in sharp, uneven jerks that made her grip on Jax shake.
She still refused to let go.
Jax could feel it; not just her hands around him, but the fact that she was being taken away while still choosing to hold on, even when it hurt her.
“Pomni-” he tried again, but his voice cracked in a way he didn’t recognize.
She wasn’t listening. Not because she couldn’t hear him, but because she was refusing to.
The abstraction around them shuttered, like the space itself didn’t know what to do with the situation.
Jax’s breath caught, and for a moment, he forgot how to pull away.
“Stop…” he whispered, but it came out weaker than he meant it to. Not an order. Not a defense. A plea. One last attempt to push her away before she got caught up in the fallout of his actions. Again.
Pomni shook her head immediately. “No.”
That single word landed harder than the strain on her middle. Because it wasn’t aimed at Zooble. It was aimed at him.
And Jax- Jax didn’t know what to do with that.
His instinct was still to push her away. To insist. To protect her, the only way he knew how. But it didn’t work; she wasn’t backing off. She wasn’t hesitating. She wasn’t doing what she was supposed to do. What he wanted her to do.
She was staying. Even now. Even when she was being dragged away.
Something inside Jax snapped; not loudly, not like before. This time not breaking into panic or chaos. It broke into silence. Into the realization that she wasn’t leaving because he told her to.
And what felt worse, she wouldn’t let him leave. She still thought he was someone worth saving.
Zooble’s grip tightened one final time, the force behind Pomni turning from resistance into something sharper, more absolute. The space around them seemed to buckle as the scene intensified, like reality itself was deciding it had held long enough.
Jax felt it first; the shift, the breaking point beneath everything.
“Pomni-”
His voice barely made it out before the world fractured.
She didn’t let go.
Even as her body was pulled backward, while her arms shook under the strain of holding onto him, she refused to release her grip. There was no hesitation anymore. It was her choice, held on too desperately to break.
“Please–” Pomni’s voice came out cracked, breathless, not a refusal this time but something more fragile, more desperate, like she was trying to anchor him with sound alone. “I have you. I’ve got you.”
The abstraction snapped. A loud roar escaped from the darkness as they were shot out.
There was no slow transition, no easing out; just a violent collapse, like a rubber band stretched too far, finally giving out.
Cold air rushed in. Hard ground replaced the nothingness. Light replaced the endless darkness. Sound and music flooded back all at once, overwhelming after the static silence.
Pomni hit first, still holding Jax, her arms locked around him, even as the world reassembled itself around them in sharp, painful familiarity of the circus. Zooble stumbled back into Ragatha and Gangle, who had been helping to pull Pomni out.
For a moment, everything was still.
Too still.
Jax didn’t move.
Didn’t speak.
Didn’t open his eyes.
Pomni stayed frozen, her grip still tight, like she was afraid that if she loosened even slightly, the moment would reverse itself.
“...I wasn’t letting go,” she said quietly; not defensive, just stating it into the silence, as if she needed him to understand it, even when sitting here, unconscious.
Pomni hated how normal everyone was acting. It had only been a few days since she had saved Jax from the abstraction, and they were already finding some sense of normalcy.
She hadn’t.
Eating felt impossible most of the time. Thinking about anything that wasn’t Jax lying there, still unconscious, was even harder. Had he been a jerk to her in the past? Sure. But now, after everything she had seen, she couldn’t imagine leaving him behind.
Not anymore.
Pomni had been sitting on the edge of his bed since they took him into the room, like moving would somehow make this more real than it already was.
The others came and went. Ragatha, Gangle, and even Zooble checked in sometimes. Always briefly, with careful glances at Jax, but longer ones at her.
They at least pretended to care, which Pomni didn’t know what would feel worse.
Life in the circus kept moving, as if Jax wasn’t almost erased. As if there wasn’t still a purple bunny lying motionless within.
She lost track of time somewhere between staring at the wall and staring at him.
“You know,” she murmured, voice thin with something that almost sounded like humor, “this is probably the longest you’ve ever gone without annoying somebody.”
Nothing.
Not even a twitch.
After three days.
Pomni stared at the floor.
“I thought you’d wake up sooner,” she said quietly, like speaking too loud would shatter the reality of his presence.
Her gloved fingers found a loose thread on the hem of her shorts and started pulling at it without a thought.
“If only you had the decency to do this when Caine was still around,” she added, a small huff of air escaping her.
She had every right to be upset, but it didn’t feel right, not after everything they went through.
“I honestly thought you’d wake up immediately and start yelling at me.” A small laugh slipped out before she could stop it, but it collapsed almost instantly.
Nothing brought comfort.
“At least then I’d know you’re okay…”
Pomni continued to sit for a long time.
Long enough that the silence stopped feeling like something she was sitting in and started feeling like something she was part of.
Jax didn’t move.
Of course, he didn’t. It’s not like she expected him to; she knew that. But knowing didn’t make it any easier.
“I don’t get it,” she said suddenly, voice quieter still.
The words startled her a little- not because she didn’t mean them, but because she hadn’t planned on saying them out loud.
Pomni swallowed.
“I keep thinking…”
She paused.
Her fingers tightened slightly against her legs, grounding her in something physical as the emotions rose.
“I know you told me to let go,” like she was conversing with someone who could actually answer, even as the room stayed quiet. “I remember that. I remember you saying it.”
Her voice wavered.
A single tear traced down her cheek.
“...But I couldn’t.”
The words hung there, heavier than she expected them to feel once they were out.
Pomni blinked, like she was just processing the admission.
“I don’t know what that makes me,” she whispered, softer now. “I just… couldn’t lose you.”
The deafening quiet of the room seemed to press in around her, like it was listening back.
“I’m talking to someone who isn’t even here...” Pomni released a frustrated sigh and wiped at her cheek, almost irritated with herself for letting this happen at all.
She pushed herself up from the edge of the bed, movements slow and unsteady, like her body didn’t fully agree with leaving.
“I need a minute,” she murmured, not really to anyone in particular.
She took a step away from the bed.
Another.
Each one felt heavier than it should have, like leaving him alone in that state was something she wasn’t allowed to do, even if he didn’t notice her staying.
Pomni hesitated when she reached the door.
She looked back.
Jax still hadn’t moved.
Still the same.
Still…
A breath. Different. Faint.
Almost nothing.
Pomni’s hand slipped away from the doorframe without her noticing.
Another breath followed, uneven this time, like something trying to remember how to exist again.
“...J-Jax?” Her voice cracked, even on something so small.
He didn’t respond, but something had changed.
His fingers twitched.