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"Ow! You're pulling!"
"If you would stop moving I wouldn't be pulling!"
"OW! Stop!" He was trying to wrestle his hands free from the tangle of red hair they were caught in after he tried to put whatever Goddamn product he was supposed to into her hair. Instead, all he managed to do was get his fingers netted and tugged on the child's hair in his effort to get them out.
Un-fucking-believable. Six-hundred-years-old and he was sitting there with a squirming crying child in his lap, all because he was supposed to put in some sort of product. How the hell did he manage to find himself in this situation again?
Oh right. It all started with that fucking phone call.
Some Hours Before.
"You want me to do what?" Sebastian pinched the bridge of his nose, already regretting his decision in calling the other man up for assistance. Honestly, he should have just went to Undertaker. It would have been so much easier with him.
"I need you to watch Matilda for a little while. I'm going to be out of town and Grell is working long hours tonight."
"And you called me -- why?" Michaelis curled his fist in the phone cord, pushing down his growing frustration and managing to push his anger down enough that he could respond.
"Because if I do remember correctly, you owed me a favor. Or need I remind you what happened in Nottingham?" The silence on the other line told him he was already on the verge of winning this argument. Alucard owed him a great deal for what happened that day. They swore never to speak of it again, but he did owe him.
"You're a conniving bastard. I hope you know that," Came the Vampire's response. Defeat.
"Yes. And I will expect you here by Six tomorrow."
"Six?"
"Yes."
"In the evening?"
"Yes, Alucard. In the evening. I'm sorry you don't get to sleep in as late as you'd like." He heard the other's grumble of dismay before returning with,
"You're already asking a whole damn lot, Michaelis."
"Nottingham."
"You and that fucking-!" Sebastian pulled the phone away from his ear so as to not hear the profanity spewing from the other man's lips. He waited a moment before bringing the phone back.
"Are you done? I do have to prepare, you know." He imagined the Vampire was fuming on the other line, probably with one hand on the trigger. He would make a note later to tell Alucard to keep his guns out of Matilda's reach.
"Yes, I'm done," The other quipped. "I'll watch the brat but I'm not playing tea-party with her." Alucard was already regretting this.
"Don't be ridiculous," Sebastian scoffed. "Matilda doesn't like playing tea-party. I have to go but I'll be sure to make you a schedule for the evening. Oh, and one more thing."
"What now?"
"Do not call my daughter a brat unless you want those fancy guns of yours shoved somewhere they don't belong." Then the call ended with a click.
Some Hours Later
"She already ate dinner so you just need to follow everything else that I've written for you there." Sebastian could only spare glances to the Man in Red as he went about. He still had to pack young Ciel and then himself before seeing to ot Grell would be able to collect Matilda in the morning. It was only for the Evening but knowing his luck -- "Her bath needs to be at seven-thirty sharp, her teeth brushed at eight, dressed and in her pajamas at eight-fifteen. If she asks for a bedtime story, there is a copy of Rudyard Kipling's The Phantom on her bookshelf."
"Uh huh."
"If she asks for warm milk, the kitchen is on the first floor in the East Wing. Do not let her use any of the fine China, she has a habit of dropping tea cups."
"Uh huh."
"You're not even listening, are you?" He set down a bag harder than necessary, startling the other Devilish creature out of his bored state. "Alucard-"
"I am listening," The Vampire grunt, setting down the knife he had been toying with. "Bath at eight, pajamas at Nine, I got it." Sebastian sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose in irritation before looking back at him.
"You are the most infuriating man I ever had the agony of meeting."
"He says while leaving me with his only child," The vampire smirked. Sebastian only narrowed his eyes, striking the table and sending the knife up, grabbing it and pressing it to Alucard's throat. All within a matter of seconds.
"That is right. So pay very close attention right now, Vampire. This is my only child and she means more to me than perhaps you will ever understand. So if I come back and there is so much a chip in her fingernail, I will hunt you down and remove your head however many times as it takes before you are right and truly dead. Do I make myself clear?" Alucard took a gander down at the knife then looked back at the Demon.
"Crystal." He was met with a false grin before the knife was stabbed down and stuck into the table dangerously close to his hand. Then he picked up the bag he had slammed down and carried it out to the foyer where the other luggage waited. The child in question was coloring away with her pencils, feet swinging from her chair as she hummed. She set down her pencil and slid out of her chair to scamper over to him, bringing her arms up with a bright grin.
"Up! Up, Daddy!"
"What's the magic word, Matilda?"
"Up, please!" She giggle at the hands on her waist before she's being heft up and settled on his hip with a grunt.
"You're getting a bit too big to be carried, darling," He said. The child pouted with an 'aww' of disappointment, her little gloved hands holding on to his lapels. "No pouting. You're a big girl and what do big girls not do?" He asks.
"Cry or pout," She answers, pretty pink lips pulling back into a bright smile, even more so when he poked her nose.
"That's right," He says as he sets her down. "Now I expect you to be on your best behavior tonight. But if something bad happens what do you do?" She rocks on her heels with a hum, playing up not knowing when they have gone through this a hundred times now.
"Scream and run to Undertaker," She grins.
Alucard grimaced from the doorway, making a sound of disgust that earned him a glare from Sebastian. "You are disgustingly domestic. What is screaming and running going to do, exactly?"
"I have a special scream," The little girl piped. "It makes people's heads and eyes es'plode!" The way she giggled told Alucard that she had used it before--possibly multiple times perhaps--and he would admit it chilled him a little bit. He did not like kids to begin with. Let alone demonic little murdering kids. Sebastian stood up, straightening out his coat with something of a huff.
"Quite right and I give her full permission to use her Hellish Wail on you should you get out of hand." He gives the vampire another heated glare before gathering the luggage. "I'm behind schedule as it is. I'll see you tomorrow, Darling." He kneels down once more to hug his child and kiss her temple.
"Love you, Daddy!"
"Love you, too." Alucard once again gagged at the affectionate display, finding the entire ordeal repulsive (and this was coming from a man who eats people, mind you). The weight of the situation, and the fact he was to be stuck with a six-year old for well over twelve hours, slowly began to settle on his shoulders as he looked down to the child who stared back at him with mix -matching eyes. He could take down armies (had done so multiple times), He could make grown men weep and piss their pants, he could bring Kings down to their knees! How hard could one little girl be?
"So, Madeleine-"
"My name's Matilda."
"Fuck."
Well, this was going to be just splendid.
---
"Why is your hat so big? How come your spectacles look like that? Why are you so tall? Are your guns heavy? Why did you bring them? What do those pictures on your gloves do? Are you a demon like Daddy? Why are you teeth so sharp?" Alucard felt his eyelid twitch as the kid fired off one after the next. Not even five minutes went before she shot him with the first question. And then the next. And then the next. And then the next.
"How the fuck does he deal with you?" He hisses without knowing, plucking the child up and planting her unceremoniously on the counter top. She whined from the harsh drop, giving her best childish glare and pout.
"You're not s'pose to curse! Cursing is bad!"
"Believe me, Kid," He drawls with a blank look. "Cursing is the not the worse thing I have done. It still won't be if you don't stop with the questions." He gave her stomach a little jab, pulling a squirm out of her and a swipe of her little paw.
"You're being mean!" She whine. "I'll tell Daddy on you! I'll tell him you were mean!" He snort at the threat, stepping back to laugh at the absurdity of his situation, of her, of everything!
"You think I give a rat's ass what your 'Daddy' will do?" She pout again before this sly smile crossed her face. For a second, he swore she looked exactly like Sebastian with that smile.
"Then I'll scream!" He paused and narrowed his eyes at the little brat, planting his hands on either side of her and leaning in close.
"You wouldn't dare."
"Try me."
He leans back slowly with a snort, folding his arms and shaking his head at the child in amusement. "Yeah, you're his daughter alright. Even got that same damn smirk, you conniving little bi-" He caught himself before he could finish. Right. Couldn't swear in front of the precious little darling. Heaven forbid.
"Bitch," Matilda piped out and Alucard stared, slowly raising an eyebrow at the child.
"Aren't you a little young to be cursing?" She shrugs.
"Mommy curses whenever Daddy isn't around. Sometimes Undertaker does too! I've heard lots of curses."
"So you mean to tell me I've been censoring myself for you for no reason?" She nods.
"Yep!" He jams his hands on his hips with a huff of air.
"Well fuck me sideways and call me Sally." She breaks into a fit of giggles as soon as the words are gone, covering her mouth to hide them and failing. Now he got how to handle her. He found grinning as he pulled Jackal from its holster. She marveled at the sight and sheer size of it.
"You wanna know why I carry these with me?" She nods quickly with a bright smile. "Because I'm a hunter. I hunt people. Nothing I shot ever gets back up." She makes a soft 'ooh' sound as she scoots closer, squinting to make out the curly-que cursive enscribed on the weapon.
"Hellsing... Co... Corruption."
"Corporation," He corrects her. "They supply my weapons, tell me who to kill, and I just take out the target." He removed the bullet from the chamber and held it up for her to see. It was easily the size of his thumb at least. She could probably hold it. With two hands of coarse.
"Whoddya hunt?"
"People."
"What kinda people?"
"Bad people."
"Bad how?"
He paused for a moment as he picked his words carefully. She was only a child and he had to remember that whatever he said she would most likely repeat. Michaelis would kill him seven times over if she repeated anything he said. "I hunt people who bite off more than they can chew." She blinks and tilts her head. Then she hits him with a new question.
"Are you a vampire?" It actually catches him off guard, making him blink his own at the girl before nodding slowly. He loads the bullet back in then holsters Jackal once more.
"Yeah. I am." He watches as her eyes slowly brighten and her hands ball into fists while her smile practically splits her face in half. She's even bouncing.
"Like Dracula?" She asks. "Like the book? Can you turn into mis' n' shadow? Can you hypnosize people?" She stops when his hand settles on her head, heavy and cool to the touch from his gloves.
"You read too many books, Kid. That is a stereotype."
"But can you?"
"Yes," He says with a roll of his eyes. "I can also turn into a Hellhound. Does that satisfy your annoying curiosity?" He ruffles her hair some, pulling a whine from her as she grab a his wrist and yanks it from her head with a loud,
"Dog!"
"Hellhound. Little bit different from a dog."
"Can you change? Please? Please? Pleasepleaseppleasepleaseplease--mmf!" She's silenced by his palm, his hand nearly covering her entire face as he hisses his shush. Then he sighs and pulls his hand back.
"Maybe if you're a good girl," He emphasizes with a poke to her head. "I'll consider changing. How does that sound?" She nods again, clasping her hands together tight in her lap like a 'good girl' would, he supposed. She was a cute kid. He would give her that. "Alright. Let's do bath time a little early tonight," He said while picking her up off the counter and setting her down. Damn. She was sort of heavy.
She pouted and looked ready to start picking an attitude, but the look he gave her sorted her out right quick and she remained silent. Only pouting as she sulked away to the bathroom. He looked no happier. Six hundred years old and he was babysitting.
He Let Matilda run her own bath because apparently the kid knew how to work the faucet, all he had to do was plug the tub because her arms were too short to reach.
"Turn around," She says as the tub is filling up. She's got a towel clutched tight in her little hands and this stare that bore into him till he rolled his eyes and turned his back to her. Children. He would never understand them. He heard the rustle of her dress as she removed it and then stepped into the tub and turned the water off. She even added bubbles. Because why not.
"Okay you can look now." He turned to see -- well, her. In a tub of water and bubbles. "You have to wash my hair now."
"Matilda, I think you're old enough to wash your own hair without a problem."
She frowned. "Daddy always washes my hair."
"I'm not your Daddy," Alucard dead panned. He would gladly wait outside the bathroom while she bathed, but he would be taking no part of it. None. Absolutely not. Not in a million-
"Please?" She asked, voice quiet as he looked up at him through bright red lashes. She was giving him the puppy eyes. Goddamnit this was why he didn't like kids. He looked away. Then back. Away again. Back. Finally he let out an exasperated sigh while running a gloved hand over his face.
"Fine." He hears her squeal in joy followed by a little splash of the water as she moved. Most likely grabbing the bottle of shampoo-conditioner. He hung up his coat then rolled up his sleeves. He considered removing his gloves, glanced at the child holding a bottle of bright pink soapy disaster, considered otherwise, then removed his gloves and set them aside. He knelt down beside the tub, taking the small basin and filling it before slowly spilling it out over her head, thoroughly wetting her hair. He ignored the sight of her playing with her rubber ducky as he worked the soap in, careful not to scratch her scalp God why did this stuff smell like cotton candy?
He was really beginning to question whether or not he had finally gotten stuck in Hell when she squeezed her duck at him and a little jet of water sprayed his chest. All the whip she was grinning. He may have dumped the next bucket of water on her a little hard. Lucky him she didn't get soap in her eyes.
Another quick rinse of her hair, and candy floss scented body scrub later, and he was in this situation: Hands stuck in her hair while she squirmed and cried in his lap all because he had to put in some damn product. He finally managed to get his hands free without tearing (too much) hair out. She sat sniffling and rubbing at her head with an angry glare at him which he gladly returned.
"Plan b." He grabs the brush and hands it to her then crossed his arms. "You brush. I'm not going to take any shit from Michaelis because I pulled your hair." She huffed but didn't object while brushing (and getting the thing caught) flaming red hair. It took a few minutes and plenty of her own yanks and tugs later before her hair was finally back to a straight wave of scarlet. Then he was moving, sitting up and pushing her off his lap.
"Bedtime, brat." He picks her up, much to her discomfort, and brings her to bed so she could dress in her nightie. The sooner she was asleep, the sooner he would be free of her. "You want a story?"
"No."
"Good. What about water?"
"No."
"Fantastic. Night, kid." He pretends he doesn't notice her pout, it hears her huff and then flop on her bed while pulling up the blankets. He just turns off the light, grabs the door handle and pulls it close behind him--
--and then he pauses.
His jaw hurt from how hard he had his teeth clench, and he may have dented the brass knob with his grip. He felt like a heel. Matilda was just a kid and--
And God he was going soft. He sighed and went back to her bed, flicking on her lamp and standing over her, watches as she pulls the covers around her tighter with her back to him. He simply takes off his glasses and sets them down.
"Hey, Kid, watch this." Matilda opened her eyes and blinked at the odd sound that followed, almost like cloth ripping--or maybe it was skin? She glances back and slowly rolled over, gasping and sitting up when she saw.
The hellhound was huge. Easily bigger than her, sitting down on its haunches like it was, it reminded an awful lot of the horses she would sometimes see at the Races. She bounded from her bed, scampering up to the huge canine with a bright smile.
"Doggie!" The beast snorted and rolled its six eyes before moving and lying down on its stomach. It gave Matilda every chance to climb up onto its back, careful not to pull any fur as she giggled. Then she squeaked when it stood and lifted her up with ease. She risks a glance down, grabbing on to the hound's collar with a gasp of fear from how high up she was. Now he really did remind her of a horse. The Hound turned, mindful of its tail, and carried her out into the hall where it broke into a slow trot.
She couldn't tell how long she was on its back, only that sometimes he would slowly stalk down the narrower halls, then burst into a run down the larger stairwells and corridors. All the while she was laughing and screaming in delight at the top of her tiny lungs, hair mussied up from the brush of wind from his running. He slows by the drawing room, lowering down once more and allowing her to slide off. She bounces and claps her hands as the odd tearing like sound returns, and then the man jn red is before her once again.
"Happy?"
"Yes! Yes yes yes!" She squeals with joy and little bounces that make her hair fly. She lifts her arms up to him, much like she had done with her father earlier. "Up! Up!" She's willing so he does, holding her with ease on his hip while carrying her into the drawing room and straight to the bookcase. He lets her pick a book to read before he really needs to put her to bed.
He isn't at all surprised when she picks Bram Stoker's Dracula.
---
"I was now myself looking out for the conveyance which was to take me to the Count. Each moment I expected to see the glare of lamps through the blackness, but all was dark. The only light was the flickering rays of our own lamps..." He stops his reading to look down at the child in his lap, fast asleep and clutching onto his coat in her dreaming. He closes the book and sets it down, then rests his fist against his cheek while watching her. She was cute. He would give her that. Just a cute little girl who hadn't an idea what the world was truly about.
"You're not all bad, Kid," He murmurs while plucking his hat off and setting it on her own, much too big. Comically so. It has him chuckling a moment before the yawn is escaping him and his eyes are closing. "Yeah... No bad at all."
Sebastian finds them the next morning like that, unable to help but smile at the sight. The great Vampire King cuddling a small child whilst asleep. It would make great blackmail--once he got the photo developed that is.