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Christmas at the McCormick household was like everything in that family, poor. Kenny was used to not getting a present under a Christmas tree. Hell, he was used to not having a tree at all. The flashy lights they had as the decoration were so old and broken only few lights flashed colours. Kenny stopped believing in Santa when he saw Kevin sneaking one night and placing two gifts under the tree. When Kevin realised he was caught in the act he told Kenny about everything. How their parents sat him down when he was 4, and explained to him why he couldn't have a present that year. That was the year Kenny was born. How by the age of 6 Kevin had started giving small presents to Kenny on Christmas each year. Because he didn't want Kenny to feel like nobody cared about him. Kevin said he didn't want Kenny to feel left out by his peers, whose parents could afford nice gifts every year. After that year Kevin gave up playing Santa Claus for his brother. And then Karen was born and started talking and learned about Santa. It only seemed fitting that Kenny would get her presents from Santa.
Stotches loved Christmas. Every year they would get some new decoration, and their house would shine brighter than the sun. Christmas lights on every window, wall and door. Reindeer sled on the roof that at every hour would light up in different way. Leopold Butters Stotch was used to big feasts on Christmas eve. He was used to going caroling with his family. He was used to every part of Christmas that made Christmas that merry jolly holiday. Except getting presents under the tree. He got presents, just not every year. Most years he received nothing. Now most of his peers stopped believing in Santa Claus by now. But each year that Butters didn't find a present under the tree, it would only convicte him that Santa is real. Because, Santa only brings stuff to nice boys and girls. And Butters knew he wasn't nice, especially on those years. His parents had told him so. They had drilled it into his brain. With all the punishments, and groundings, Butters knew he was on Santa's naughty list. He was sure of it.
During autumn months Kenny saved money. Every day he would try to refrain from eating so that he could afford a nice gift for his sister by December. He strategically waited for Christmas sales, or Black Friday, when good stuff would be so cheap it would be deadly. Last year he got his skull opened up when he was trying to get her a professional sewing kit. He couldn't get it, so instead Kenny bought her a sketchpad and some really fancy pens, as soon as he revived. This year he wanted to get her that sewing kit. So he saved his money, marked a date on the calendar when sales start so he could get it on that exact day, avoiding getting killed.
Despite his cherry and optimistic attitude and excitement towards the holiday season, Butters dreaded the winter months. He prepared his Halloween costume during the October, in November he tried to avoid the Christmas hype, but when December came he couldn't avoid it. He hoped he had proved himself to Santa as nice. He didn't talk back to people. He went to school regularly. He made his own lunch. He tried to avoid any reason why he would get grounded, and hoped that he had redeemed for his early in the year misdeeds.
One of the few things Kenny hated about school was lunch. Kenny didn't have many friends, but those he did hang out with annoyed the hell out of him during lunch. Especially when he was starving himself to save money. Kenny hated how lunches were expensive at school. He hated how everyone around him had at least enough food to satisfy their hunger. And he hated Eric Theodore Cartman. The fatass in question always had so much food on his tray that it was falling out, and Kenny couldn't do anything but watch as Cartman vacuumed it all. Kenny often stared at Cartman during lunch, trying to ignore his stomach. Of course when his stomach made any noise, it was always loud enough for Cartman to hear it and make fun of him about it. Kenny hated the fatass. Kenny also hated being treated as a charity, so he refused to eat other people's food, or left overs. But when the hunger gets too bad, screw pride, he would eat out of cafeteria's trash can if it got to it. Today wasn't that day. Kenny sent daggers into Cartman's skull, as the fatass talked with food in his mouth about all the presents Santa (read: Mrs Cartman) would get him for Christmas.
Butters didn't have many friends. He was a social butterfly, without a clique of his own. He didn't fit with Craig's crew. Girls weirded him out sometimes. He liked them, and they liked him. They were the only ones who didn't think it was weird he liked girly stuff, like dresses, make up and Hello Kitty. But they often talked in their weird girly way that Butters found alien. Butters also didn't like spending his lunch with Jimmy. He liked Jimmy. But he couldn't eat while listening to his jokes. One because he was expected to laugh at said jokes. Two because he didn't understand what the punchline to the joke was. Before Tweek joined Craig's crew, Butters would usually sit with him. But now, there was only one group that welcomed Butters.
Butters manoeuvred his way to Stan's squad's table. At the table at one side sat Eric, occupying half of the bench. And at the other side sat Kyle, Stan and Kenny. Eric was stuffing his face with everything on today's Manu and talking, not bothering to chew his food. Kyle was absentmindedly steering his fries, and dipping them into ketchup. Stan waved at Butters and pointed at the small space on Eric's side. Kenny seemed to stare at Eric with so much anger, Butters was afraid that the boy in orange parka would jump up and punch the life out of Eric.
'So,' said Eric, not realising half of his lunch fell out of his mouth. Kenny's eye twitched. 'I sent Santa the full list last night. I am expecting I'll get at least half of the stuff. Probably a new laptop and headphones. But new digital camera would be awesome.'
Stan snorted, 'You know your mom is getting you your Christmas presents?'
Butters looked between two boys, as if he was watching a tennis match.
'Of course she is. She's getting me a new iPad, but Santa....'
'No I mean all of your presents. Every year. All your gifts from ''Santa''. Your mother got you all of them,' Stan tried so hard not to laugh as he made air quotes.
'She did not! Butters back me up. Santa exists, right?' Eric elbowed Butters in the chest, making Butters drop a salami from his sandwich. Kenny clenched his fist and brought it to his face. He bit on his knuckles.
'Santa is make belief,' Kyle said. He looked bored of the conversation. 'He was made up so that Christians could bribe their children to behave for presets.'
'What do you know? You are just jealous that Santa never got you any presents because you're Jew!'
'Santa never gave anyone a present. Because he doesn't exist!' Kyle gritted his teeth at Eric, finally taking his eyes of the fries.
'Kyle's right!' said Stan, 'Santa is imaginary. A fairy tale.'
'I think he's real,' Butters said so quietly he was sure people wouldn't notice he said anything at all with all of Eric's shouting and arguing. But as soon as he said it, everyone stopped and stared at him as if he grew an extra head.
'See! Butters agrees with me. Santa is real!' Eric beamed proudly.
Kenny for the first time ignored Eric, his eyes focused on Butters. Kyle and Stans's jaws hung open.
'You have A in physics. You know it's impossible to travel across the world in one night, delivering gifts to every boy and girl, right?' Kyle asked slowly, as if he was talking to a five year old.
'Well. Uhm,' Butters squirmed in his seat feeling everyone's eyes on him,'He is magical. So physics don't, err, apply to him.'
Kenny seemed to consider Butters's reasoning.
'No. Magic doesn't,' Stan started but Kenny stopped him.
'Leave them be.' He looked between Cartman and Butters,'Cartman is spoiled shit, and Butters is too innocent. Don't ruin it for them.'
Kyle pushed his tray. 'I can't.' He still had some fries on it. 'I think I'm gonna be sick.' Cartman was too happy to relieve Kyle of his fries. Kenny wanted to murder him.
Today was the day Kenny could stop starving himself. He had finally gathered enough money for the sewing kit, and today was the second day of the sale. He had miscalculated, or had spent some money he had saved. But either way he was finally able to go to the store, slap few crumpled bills and change on the counter and pay for Karen's gift. Kenny was really proud of himself as he wrapped her present with random left over of coloured paper from art class. When he was finished it looked like a rainbow had threw up on a box. Or badly taped scraps of paper trying to cover what the box was originally for. Kenny left the gift at Kyle's, because that was the safest place he could think of to hide Christmas presents. He needed to hide the present from Karen until Christmas morning, and to hide it from his family until Karen has opened it. He couldn't risk his parents unwrapping the box and realising how much it cost. They would've found a way to retun the sewing kit for refound, or resell it, undoing all the days, weeks, months Kenny had starved himself. He couldn't let that happen. Again. When Karen was seven, he got her a doll and a dollhouse that cost a fortune, and took him half a year to collect the money for it. His mother found it and sold it before Karen got a chance to open the present on Christmas morning. Kenny then bitched to Kyle about the whole situation. Kyle felt sorry for Kenny, so he gave Santa's gift to Karen that year, instead of Kenny. Kenny didn't know how to refuse.
'Because,' Kyle argued, 'the gift is from Santa not from you personally.'
That year Karen got fairytale book, her now favourite. And every year after Kenny hid the present for Karen under Kyle's bed.
After lunch Butters thought about what the guys had said about Santa. He really thought about it. Like Kyle said, he used his physics to calculate the speed Santa Claus needed to achieve to give every boy and girl in the world their present, assuming of course they weren't on the naughty list, or Jewish, or they didn't celebrate Christmas for whatever reason. He made a conclusion that either he really has some special magical abilities that allows him to do all this, or his slade is a time travel device. Or the simplest solution, he isn't real. As soon as the idea of Santa not being real crossed his mind he dismissed it. He couldn't think like that. He couldn't question what his parents have told him. When he got home he was already working on possible theories on how Santa really delivers his gifts. At strike of midnight all small Santa decorations sent out a signal, and Santa used, like wizards in Harry Potter, some kind of magical powder to travel from fireplace to fireplace. But that didn't explain how Santa got in apartments without fireplaces. Did Santa even deliver gifts to places without fireplaces? Maybe he. Maybe Santa had. Or perhaps Santa made. Butters didn't even know what to think anymore. Was everything he ever knew about Christmas a lie? Was anything real?
'Butters, dear? Can you come to the kitchen for a second?'
Mrs Stotch was unloading the dinner from the oven. 'Yes, mom?'
'Listen, Butters. Your father and I are going to the mall, to do some Christmas shopping. We wanted to get new Christmas sweaters for the family picture.' Butters waited for her to turn from the meal to face him. She wiped her hands against her apron. 'We wanted you to come along, but only if you have done all your homework.'
'I did it during school.' Butters said.
'Is your room clean?' Butters nodded, his mother looked at him like she was staring into his soul. 'Good. Then prepare the table. We'll be going right after dinner.'
Mrs Stotch invited Mr Stotch to dinner as soon as Butters had laid out plates and silverware on the table. After dinner, Butters was left to clean up the table and wash the dishes as his parents were discussing what they needed to get while they were out.
The mall was festively decorated with red, gold and green ornaments that hung from the ceiling. Few mistletoes were hung, where couples would stop to give each other a kiss. Each shop had their own decorations, and displays that brought customers in to buy stuff on Christmas sales. Few Christmas trees were placed in larger parts of the mall. Honestly Butters let himself forget about his inner struggle to find out the truth about the existence of Santa Claus. As Mrs Stotch was looking through the ugly sweaters displayed in the store, something big and red caught Butters's eye. He knew he shouldn't wonder by himself but as soon as he saw the man in the Santa suit he needed his questions answered. Santa's beard was obviously fake, since it was pulled down the man's chin so that the man in the Santa suit could smoke.
'You are not him, are you?' Butters asked carefully, if by chance this man was actually the real Santa and. When the man jumped in surprise Butters was sure this man was definitely not Santa. Butters felt silly for even thinking this man could be the real Santa Claus.
'Who are you, kid?' Man in the Santa suit said scanning above Butters's head, searching for the boy's parents.
Butters wondered if this Santa imposter knew secrets to how the real Santa worked. 'Do you know him?' he asked sweetly. Imposter Santa was taken aback. He dropped his cigarette and stepped on the budd.
'Look kid, I have no idea what you're talking about.'
'I need to know if he's real or not.' then Butters blurted out a speech he wasn't preparing to make. About why he needed to know if Santa was real. He also told the stranger about few of his theories on how Santa delivered the presents. He asked the man in the suit if any of them were true, or close to the truth. He finished his speech by asking bunch of questions about Santa's existence. Like how did he really prepare for the travel around the world.
'If you're lost I can help you find your parents, otherwise get lost. I'm on my break.' Imposter Santa ignored Butters's questions and he lit up another cigarette.
Just as Butters was about to try to get the imposter to listen to him again, Mr and Mrs Stotch appeared beside him. Mrs Stotch started apologising to the man in the Santa suit while Mr Stotch scolded Butters.
'What the hell were you thinking? Disappearing like that?' Mr Stotch pointed accusingly at Butters. His face was red with anger. 'You can bet your ass when we get home you'll be grounded, mister!'
Butters didn't make a single word in his defence when Mr Stotch turned to apologise to Santa the imposter. Mrs Stotch turned towards Butters. Her face didn't scream anger, more like worry and disappointment.
'Have you got any idea how worried we were? Do you have any idea what was going inside our minds when we couldn't find you?' she said, her hands on her hips. She appeared more intimidating then her husband. 'You could have gotten hurt. Or kidnapped! We are very angry with you, young man!'
Karen proudly showed Kenny their makeshift Christmas tree this year. She had made a Christmas tree using few Christmas cards she made during art class. There were only three cards stacked one on top of the other two, so it wasn't all that impressively tall, but it was still cute. It looked more like a pyramid than a tree.
'This one I made for you and Kevin.' she pointed to the bottom left card.' This one is for mom and dad' she pointed to the bottom right. 'And this one is for my guardian angel.' She pointed to the top one.
Kenny felt like crying for some reason. He pulled his sister into a bone crushing hug. She was the most precious thing in his life. She truly deserved far more than he could give her.
'I love it.' he whispered to her. And she returned the hug.
When Kevin came back from work at the gas station he announced that they could afford the electric bill, and that he had bought new wire of flashy Christmas lights. Karen was eustatic. She jumped on Kevin and the oldest sibling twirled her in the air. Kenny felt a rock fall from his shoulders. He was reminded that he wasn't the only big brother in the family.
Kevin, Kenny and Karen set up the old and the new Christmas lights in their room, so it looked festive. Karen made origami ornaments, and paper snowflakes so they could tape it to the windows. Kevin used toilet paper tubs and duck tape to make Karen's Christmas tree taller, and more impressive. Kenny made few ornaments himself by cutting some of his magazines. When the McCormick siblings were done, their room didn't look so sad. The three of them sat together admiring their work and their room. They talked about what they all wanted for Christmas, and New year. What they all wanted their future to look like.
'I want to have my own room.' said Kevin.
'I want to survive tomorrow.' said Kenny.
'I want for all of us to be happy.' said Karen.
Their peace was shattered when the yelling began in the other room. The three siblings ignored it, since they were used to it. When a plate crashed against the wall, Kevin announced that he was going to bed. The younger siblings all followed behind him. More screaming, and plate smashing was heard, but the children of the McCormick household were use to it all, so falling asleep wasn't hard.
For Butters, days before Christmas were unbearable. When the school break started, he didn't have a valid excuse to leave his room. Or do anything entertaining but watch snow fall through his bedroom window. And over think. He replayed everything he ever heard about Santa. From when he was little, to now. Santa is make belief. He was made up so that Christians could bribe their children to behave for presets, said Kyle. Santa is imaginary, a fairy tale, said Stan. He felt like a total fool for believing in the magical gift giver. He was sure everyone was laughing at him behind his back. Butters is too innocent, said Kenny. Too innocent to know the truth. Too naïve to figure out the truth. Butters the fool. He could feel rage for the holiday and everyone who celebrates it growing inside him. He wanted Christmas to burn. He didn't care now if Santa was real or not. He was over that question. He wanted to make everyone feel like a fool. He wanted to destroy Christmas. His plan was born out of bored and betrayal he felt. On Christmas Eve he moved like he was under a spell. First he waited for his parents to fall asleep, and then he got dressed in his Professor Chaos costume and snuck out. There was nothing like wrecking havoc while wearing tin foil helmet and gloves. Professor Chaos get up gave Butters the courage to do what he planned during those blurred together days before Christmas.
Kenny never let himself fall asleep on Christmas eve. He couldn't let Karen wake up without a present waiting for her under the tree. And at this moment her wrapped gift was waiting under a bed in a Jewish household, just few streets over. Kenny waited until he was sure Karen was asleep, and got out of bed.
When he was outside, Kenny let himself breathe. He looked up at the stars and smiled. He imagined Karen's face when she sees her present. It wasn't a long walk to Brofloski's house. Kenny threw snowballs at Kyle's bedroom window, to get the other boy's attention. When Kyle opened the window, he was hit with another snowball by accident. Straight in the face.
'What the hell was that for?' Kyle angrily whispered not to wake his family, but it was still loud enough for Kenny to hear.
Kenny shrugged apologetically, 'Sorry?'
Kyle rolled his eyes. 'Are you coming up? Or... How did you plan this?'
'Can you give it to me? I'll be waiting up front.' Kyle nodded and closed the window, before disappearing into the house. Kenny rushed to meet the boy by the front door. Kyle, still in his pyjamas, opened the door with a colourfully wrapped box under his arm. Kenny thanked him, and went back to his house. On his way back he noticed he wasn't alone walking through the South Park's streets at night on Christmas eve. He noticed Butters running to the park and from it carrying Christmas decorations, wrapped boxes, ugly sweaters... If Butters wasn't wearing Professor Chaos outfit, Kenny would have thought Butters was trying to decorate some part of town as a surprise to someone special. But he was wearing Professor Chaos outfit, so that surprise wasn't to make someone feel joy, but probably fear. Kenny decided to follow the boy to see what's bothering Butters so much that he wanted to cause chaos during a holiday.
In the South Park's park Kenny saw Butters standing on top of a pile of. Well, Kenny would describe it as Christmas junk.
Butters kicked, jumped on and smashed the pile of Christmas presents until wrapped boxes were completely destroyed. He ripped sweaters. Broke Christmas lights. Smashed to pieces small ceramic figurines of Santa and his reindeers. He popped balloon Santa. He broke ornaments at his feet. When he was finally satisfied with how everything looked unrecognisably disfigured he poured gasoline, he took from his dad's garage, over it. He threw the empty bottle into the pile. He took out a match box from his pocket, and just as he was about to lit it he heard someone call his name.Butters is too innocent, that voice said earlier that month. Butters turned to face Kenny. Kenny's parka was unzipped, as if he had just put it on in a hurry, and under his arm he carried a badly wrapped present.
'What,' Butters barked, 'the heck do you want?'
Kenny seemed to be taken aback. He glanced at Butters's right hand, the one that he was holding a match in. He took a cautious step towards Butters.
'Put the matchbox away.' Kenny said slowly and calmly, as if he was talking to a rabid animal who was about to kill him. Kenny put Karen's present down, so if anything happens to him, at least it will have a chance to survive the night. He prayed to whatever celestial being was listening that he won't die tonight by burning. Because that would not only be extremely painful, but also inconvenient. He also added that he didn't want to die at all tonight. If he had to die, at least make it after Karen's gift was under the McCormick's poor excuse of a Christmas tree. At least make his death convenient. Butters just stood there, unmoving, as if he was paralysed. Kenny took this as an opportunity to take the matchbox away from the blond. His hands moved slowly, and calculatingly as if he was defusing a bomb. As soon as he was left without his matchbox, Butters began to cry. He dropped the match he'd been holding.
'Shit, dude. What's wrong? Why are you crying?' Butters didn't even realise he was crying, until Kenny had pointed it out. That's when he began to hiccup. He felt cold aluminium foil against his cheeks and eyes, as he went to rub his tears away. He looked away from Kenny, and tried to figure out what was wrong. He knew what was wrong, and why he was crying. But how could he tell Kenny that, without sounding like an idiot. He knew his problem was childish, he knew he was behaving childish. He knew he was behaving badly. But, destroying those symbols of Christmas made him feel like he had power over what the holiday means. He just stayed silent, crying in front of Kenny. Kenny looked worried.
Kenny was worried about Butters. He was still crying. Still standing by the pile of broken Christmas junk, that now smelled of gasoline. He wasn't sure what to do to cheer the boy up, or even if he was supposed to cheer him up. Maybe what Butters needed now more than anything was to cry. Butters sniffed before finally talking.
'I. I am sick of Christmas.' Kenny scanned Butters's face. Butters smiled through his tears, as if he was trying to ignore his feelings of anguish and put a happy mask on. It unnerved Kenny.
'What? Why?' Kenny asked, when Butters's smile faltered and he began to cry more intensely. Butters just shook his head. Kenny understood this much. Something bothered Butters. Butters didn't want or wasn't able to talk about it. And it was getting cold outside. Snow began to fall again. Butters being in his Professor Chaos costume was probably freezing. 'Let's get out of the snow.' Kenny took Butters's hand to guide him away from the junk pile, but Butters wouldn't move. He just shook his head.
'Butters, you'll freeze to death in that Chaos costume of yours.'
'Where. Where would we go?' Butters hiccupped.
'Where do you wanna go?' Kenny asked, 'Home?' Butters shook his head.
"Anywhere but.'
'Anywhere but.' Kenny nodded, and thought about where he could take crying Butters. Then he remembered Karen's gift laying in the snow. 'How about my place?' Butters slowly nodded, and followed Kenny back to his place.
Kenny went first inside to check if the coast was clear, before sneaking Butters in. Butters was shivering by this point. He was still crying, but he had become a lot calmer. Kenny felt self-conscious about the smashed plates by their feet, and by the cracked walls. The house wasn't in the best shape to welcome guests, but at least his parents were quiet. Butters stuck close to Kenny, looking at his own feet as he walked. Kenny led Butters to bedroom he shared with his siblings. It was the warmest room in the house, not only by the temperature but also with colours of the flashing Christmas lights and hand crafted ornaments. Kevin and Karen were still fast asleep. Kenny left Karen's gift under the tree that Karen and Kevin made and went up to the closet to pull out a sweater and a blanket for Butters to warm himself. Butters awkwardly stood in the centre of the room, looking around, but not daring to touch a thing.
'Here.' Kenny said as he handed Butters the sweater,'wear this.' When Butters put on the sweater Kenny made him sit at the foot of the Christmas tree, right next to the heater. The sweater was a little big on Kenny, but it fitted perfectly on Butters. Butters pulled out his Professor Chaos cape from under the sweater.
'What made you do this?' Kenny sat facing Butters. Kenny wrapped a blanket around Butters's shoulders. Somewhere in his bed Kevin mumbled something incoherent. Both boys were silent for few moments, staring at Kevin, anticipating his awakening.
Butters swallowed and whipped a stray tear from his cheek. 'I told ya, Ken. I got sick of Christmas.'
'But why? What happened that made you snap?' Kenny asked after a brief pause.
'I don't know.' Kenny knew Butters was lying. Butters took few shaky breaths, and Kenny wondered if Butters had asthma. He knew Kyle's brother had it, but he wasn't sure what he should do if Butters had asthma attack right here and now. Butters continued to speak after a pause. 'I felt. I feel stupid.'
Kenny didn't understand why would Butters feel stupid. He was one of the smartest kid in their class. Right after Kyle and Wendy. So he asked him.
'I feel stupid for thinking Santa—' Butters let the sentence die away. But Kenny figured it out. Butters felt ashamed for believing in Santa. Butters stopped crying, he curled up on the floor so he could hug his legs, and rest his chin on his knees. Kenny appreciated the way that the Christmas lights illuminated Butters. Light reds, yellows, greens and blues shifted across his features. The two boys sat there in silence. It wasn't an awkward silence, but more of understanding. Butters didn't want to say anything that would make him look stupid more than he felt, and Kenny didn't know what he could say to cheer him up. He was satisfied with just looking at Butters as his features were illuminated by the lights. He noticed how blue light made Butters's eyes even more blue. How red light made him look older, a little. How the yellow light highlighted his blond hair. How green made Butters look calmer. How blue got lost in the aluminium helmet of his. How red danced across Butters's lips.
It wasn't long until light of dawn shone through the window of the bedroom. Kenny turned off the Christmas lights, to save the energy for electrical bill. Butters took off his Professor Chaos helmet, and gloves. The two boys then spoke with hushed voices, so to let the other people in the room sleep a little more. Butters told Kenny about his normal Christmas. How he would wake up on Christmas morning and find nothing under the tree, because how his parents would say, Santa doesn't bring presents for boys who are grounded. Kenny told Butters how he spend months before Christmas to afford the gifts for his little sister. Butters had told Kenny how he'd gotten himself grounded on Christmas. Rustle of a bed interrupted the two boys in their heart to heart discussion about Christmas. First of the McCormick's woke up.
'It's Christmas!' Karen said as she flung the blanket off her. She was wearing her red and green pyjamas that were getting a little too tight. She jumped out of bed, but as soon as she saw Butters she froze. Butters awkwardly waved at her.
'Marry Christmas,' Butters asked more than said.
Karen looked at Kenny. He softly smiled at her as if there was nothing unusual going on. 'Is he your present from Santa?' Karen asked innocently.
Butters blushed and hid his face with a blanket that Kenny gave him earlier that night. Kenny gave his sister a sly smirk, 'It appears so,' he winked at Butters, who peeked a little from the blanket cocoon just to hide again.
Karen jumped on Kevin to wake him up. 'It's Christmas! It's Christmas! Wake up!'
'I'm up! I'm up!' Kevin jolted upwards on a reflex. When he was truly awaken up he grinned at his sister and tickled her as a punishment for waking him. She giggled and kicked around, until he let her go.
'What time is it?' Kevin asked as Karen rushed to the tree to check for gifts. He sat on his bed, he was wearing an old t-shirt and boxers.
Kenny looked at the clock on the wall before answering, 'Fifteen past seven.'
Karen carefully opened her present. Kenny turned to look at her face of surprise, wonder and amazement when she saw what it was. Kevin on the other hand stared at Butters, trying to figure out if he was hallucinating the cocoon of blanket with small coat of blond hair. Karen proudly showed her gift to her brothers, explaining how to use each tool in the kit.
'And, uhm, Kenny—?' Kevin said trying to get attention on Butters. Karen hugged Kenny and Butters from behind.
'Kenny got a present too!' Karen said. Kenny's cheeks turned to light pinkish hue at her words, and Butters again hid his face in the blanket.
'Since when did you become so nice?' Kevin teased his little brother.
'I am always nice!' Kenny protested.
'I don't know, Kenneth. It looks like Santa gave you a present to be naughty with.' Kenny playfully kicked his brother. Butters somehow became smaller in his little cocoon. Kevin laughed.
'Did you sleep at all?' Kevin asked Kenny when Karen went out to make everyone some Christmas breakfast. Kenny shook his head. 'When did you come back?'
'Around...two-ish, three-ish?' Kenny looked at Butters for confirmation, but the other boy gave a silent shrug.
'One of these days, you'll die from lack of sleep.' Kevin warned his brother. Kenny blew him a raspberry, so Kevin changed the topic, 'And where did you pick up the Stotch kid?'
Kenny looked over at Butters, who slowly started to emerge from his blanket cocoon, as if asking if it was okay if he answered the question. Butters answered instead, 'I had a breakdown in the park. Ken calmed me down, and took me back here.'
'Well aren't you a charmer, Ken.' Kevin teased his brother by imitating Butters's nickname for him. Kenny groaned.
Karen came back with two plates of half a pop tarts and gave each half to Kenny and Butters, then went out to get more for Kevin and herself. At each passing minute after the breakfast Butters dreaded going home. At home he would be alone, locked in his room, and his parents would probably put bars on his window. Here he laughed with McCormick siblings, after he got used to them all. Here he sat next to Kenny. Here he played with Karen, and gave her tips on how to sew a dress that twirled just right. Here he was entertained by Kevin's teasing of Kenny. Here he laughed. He doesn't remember when he laughed on Christmas day like he did at the McCormick's. He liked spending Christmas here.
Something about Butters's laughter made Christmas at the McCormick's household so much richer. Kenny didn't know what was it about his laugh that made Butters sound so perfect. Kenny was reminded of the boy who cried in the park in the night. He was proud of himself for making that boy smile and laugh. Butters's whole face light up when he smiled. His eyes sparkle. His lips become adorable when they curved. Kenny honestly didn't care if he would forever be teased by his brother for how his own face looks when Butters smiled, but he just loved looking at the Butters's perfect smile. It felt like Butters brought life back to him. Kenny was glad that Karen had asked him to spend the next Christmases here.
'Am I too innocent?' Butters asked Kenny when they were walking back to his house. Since Butters was nervous and shaking he held Kenny's hand for support.
'I would say so, I guess. Why?' Butters made an oh sound and slumped his head. Kenny immediately knew he said something Butters didn't want to be true. 'You're hopeful. You remind me of Karen, she's as innocent as they come. It's hard to be innocent these days, so it's very precious and valuable thing to be. That's what I—,' Kenny was about to say I love about you two, but did he really. He knew he loved Karen, she is his sister after all. He watched her grow up. He adored everything she did. Kenny knew he liked Butters, but love him. Sure Butters made his day light up. And yes, Butters had a smile that could make Kenny weak. And the way Butters called him Ken, made his chest feel lighter. Butters looked up at Kenny, probably wondering what he left unsaid.
'Never mind.' Kenny finally said when he realised he made an awkward pause.
'That's what you what?' Butters asked.
'Is it really important what I think?' Kenny let out a small laugh.
'Yes.' Butters said without hesitation, 'Because I—.' Butter wasn't even sure what he was going to say after I. Was he going to say anything at all, or just try to get back at Kenny for making his chest tighten.
'Are you getting back at me?' said Kenny, with small hint of humour in his voice.
'Maybe?' Butters playfully teased. Butters thought about what he thought of Kenny. He was kind. He didn't talk much, but when he did talk he always said something charming and witty. Butters liked how his hand fitted inside Kenny's. He felt safe with Kenny, and that felt nice too. Butters liked being around Kenny. He liked being close to Kenny. It all felt familiar and nice.
Butters breath tightened when they reached his house. He stopped moving. Kenny tightened his hold on Butters, as if he was saying I'm here. Butters looked like a deer looking into headlights. He returned the squeeze on Kenny and the two went to the back, to try and sneak Butters in the same way the boy snuck out. When they got to the basement hatch Butters let go of Kenny's hand. As soon as Butters let go, Kenny felt emptiness of his hand. He already missed the feeling of holding Butters's hand. Butters bent down and slowly and quietly opened the hatch.
'I guess this is goodbye?' Kenny said.
Butters turned to face him. As if he was deciding what to do in that moment. Oh well. He was already grounded, and will be in even more trouble for sneaking out. He thought what could possibly happen that is worse than what will happen when he faced his parents. And he grabbed Kenny by his parka and pulled him closer. Their lips met.
Kenny could feel the warmth go through him. Kenny's eyes were open in shock. Butters was kissing him. Lips on lips. Butters wasn't pushing his tongue into Kenny's mouth. Butters wasn't trying to feel Kenny's body with his hands. Butter's hands stood firmly on the hood of Kenny's parka, pulling him towards Butters's lips. Butters's perfect lips. Kenny let his eyes fall close as he enjoyed kissing Butters. Butters kissed so innocently, that made Kenny smile into their kiss. If Kenny had initiated the kiss, Butters would have already been pinned against the wall, and the kiss would turn into a make out session. He would have made Butters pant with desire for more. Kenny enjoyed this innocent kiss. It was so much like Butters. He pulled Butters closer by looping his fingers into Butters's belt loops. Kenny wasn't sure how long the kiss lasted but if someone asked him he would say not long enough. Butters pulled away first. Kenny wanted more. More of Butters's perfect lips on his.
Butters didn't know what came over him, but he enjoyed it. He enjoyed kissing Kenny. It felt strange. Yet familiar and nice.
'Uhh.' Kenny said intelligently, still holding Butters by the waist.
'I really have to go now.' Butters said and he hugged Kenny. He wanted to get to feel the nice feeling of being around Kenny for just a bit longer. Just so he could go home and face his parents. Face whatever they had in stored for him for sneaking out at night. Kenny pulled him tighter as if he sensed how much he needed the closeness to the other boy.
Kenny pulled him closer because he didn't want Butters to go. He was being selfish. He wanted to keep Butters for himself. He realised he did wanted to say I love you two. Kenny realised how he did love Butters. Everything about Butters. Kenny loved the way Butters smiled. He loved the way he held his hand. Of course it wasn't the same love as he loved his sister. It was different, but still love. He wasn't sure if he should say anything about how he felt, he just held Butters in his arms. Because who knew when he would be able to do this again.