Archive of Our Own

TheHonoredOne69 • 5d

bro, he's definitely testing your boundaries. classic move. what you need to do is test his back.

next time you get out of the shower, drop your towel and see if he looks away. if he does? straight. if he doesn't? well.

for science.

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Zenin_Rebel • 5d

OP, you are quite literally the densest person on reddit and the bar is low.

But sure listen to the towel guy. I want to see what happens. pls update. remindme! 24 hours

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NotABear • 5d

Hmm. Have you considered that maybe he just really likes the smell of your shampoo? Some shampoos have really appealing scents. What brand do you use?

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NailHammer_Girl • 5d

He's not straight.

He might not even be standing upright emotionally.

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DivineDogs_ • 5d

Honest question for you, OP. Is there any version of this where you'd be happy if it turned out he meant those things seriously?

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TheHonoredOne69 • 3d

op, don't give up yet. i don't think the result was conclusive. try another one.

this time, wear his clothes. find his biggest softest shirt and just wear it after you shower. bonus points if it's way too big on you. report back.

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Zenin_Rebel • 3d

Straight confirmed. moving on.

The man walked into a door, OP. His brain fully shut down because he saw you naked, and you typed out "ah yes, heterosexuality" with your whole chest.

I have never been more invested in a stranger's life. Wear the shirt OP.

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NailHammer_Girl • 3d

OK SO FOR REFERENCE!! when I see my guy friends naked by accident I say "dude wtf put pants on" and go back to my phone!! I do NOT:

• knock everything off my desk

• panic and cover them with a blanket

• walk into a door

• hide for TWO HOURS

• make them tea FROM MEMORY

• TEXT THEM because I can't make eye contact

The shirt thing is good, but I'm raising the stakes. wear his shirt AND sit in his lap. say you're cold or whatever. Do it!

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r/relationship_advice • 2d
TunaMayo_

UPDATE 2: I (22M) wore my roommate's (22M) clothes and accidentally ended up in his lap. He bought me $120 of sushi but didn’t say no homo??

It's me again.

I took the advice, wait til Y was out, went through his laundry, and found The Shirt. washed to death black concert tee, three sizes too big on me, hangs off one shoulder, goes to mid thigh. Put it on with just shorts underneath, of course, because I still have self-respect.

He came home carrying groceries. saw me on the couch in his shirt and dropped an entire bag of produce. An avocado rolled under the TV stand. It's still there, I think.

He asked me if I was wearing his shirt, and I said "yeah all mine were dirty". Then he just stared at me weirdly and said "It's fine" and started putting the groceries away in complete silence. He did put the milk in the pantry, though. We didn't realize it until the next morning. Is it still safe to drink that? (I know that's for another subreddit, but I appreciate any advice on that too)

Anyway, he didn't say anything else about the shirt for the rest of the day. He was a bit quiet, but he’s usually quiet, so I don't think it was too out of the ordinary. But when we were eating lunch, he did touch my hair and told me I can go through his closet whenever I want and take any of his shirts.

Actually, what he said was "anything of mine is yours," then he got really quiet and added, "shirts. I mean shirts."

So, free shirts.

I think that's a score for me because I've been eyeing his big hoodies for a while now.

Later, we were playing Mario Kart. I was on the floor, and he was on the couch. I was still wearing his black tee btw, I feel like that's relevant. I was losing because I always pick Rainbow Road like an idiot. At one point, I stood up to play because I was frustrated, and I thought the change in altitude would help me. I still lost. 

He was laughing at me. I tried to take his controller because I thought the problem was my controller (definitely not me), and I’m a sore loser. He held it above his head, which was rude, so I stepped closer to grab it. We were struggling for a bit, but then the rug under me slipped out of nowhere, and I fell into his lap. Definitely not on purpose, not intentional. I did see the comments telling me to do it, so I guess this worked out in your favor.

His hands grabbed my waist immediately and just… didn't let go. We were sitting there, me in his lap, him holding me. We just stared at each other for a really long time. I can feel his heart going insane through his chest. Like genuinely concerning bpm.

Then he said "I can't do this anymore" (?). He picked me up—PICK ME UP—and put me on the couch next to him. Left for like ten minutes. Then he came back and asked if I wanted sushi.

He ended up ordering $120 of the good shit. We ate in silence. At one point, I got rice on my cheek, and he reached over and wiped it off with his thumb. Then stared at his own hand for several minutes.

Here's my analysis:

• grabbed me because I was falling. reflexes

• heartbeat = adrenaline from being startled

• "I can't do this anymore" = mario kart. He hates rainbow road too

• sushi was an apology for making it weird

• the thumb thing... ok I got nothing for that one

He's straight. Sushi was platonic. We're good there.

TL;DR: I wore my roommate's shirt, fell into his lap, he held me, then ordered apology sushi. friendship forever.

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r/relationship_advice • 1d
TunaMayo_

UPDATE 3: I (22M) slept in my roommate's (22M) bed. He held me all night and said he loves me. Is this a new straight guy thing???

I know. I KNOW. Before you all start yelling, I need SUPPORT, not JUDGMENT.

(...who am I kidding)

So at 11 pm, I knocked on his door. He opened it in a t-shirt and boxers, hair messed up, glasses crooked. He looked really good, which I'm not sure is relevant, but I'll include it just in case.

I told him my back hurt, which was technically true because my Ikea mattress IS garbage, and asked to crash in his bed. He stared at me for way too long, then stepped aside and said "yeah, of course" in this really soft voice.

We lay down on opposite sides. normal. plenty of space. But I run cold, and he is basically a human space heater, so I kept scooting closer until I was pressed against his side, and he went completely stiff. I asked if it was ok, and he did this huge exhale and said "Yeah. This is okay."

Then he put his arm around me and we basically cuddled. It was nice. I can't deny that.

Here's the thing. I was almost asleep when he started talking. Really quietly. I don't think he knew I was still awake.

He said stuff like "why do you do this to me" and "you have no idea, do you." Something I couldn't quite hear. And then, very clearly: "I love you so much it makes me crazy. I've loved you since freshman year and you don't even know."

Then he put his face in my hair and said "You always smell so good. God. I'm so fucked." and he kissed my hair. said "I'm sorry" into it. I don't know what that apology is for.

Now, consider:

1. People say "I love you" to friends. It's 2026. Men express platonic love.

2. The hair kiss could be accidental

3. "I've loved you since freshman year" = could mean friend love. bro love. roommate love.

RIGHT????

I didn't know what to do, so I pretended to be asleep. My heart was going so fast he could've definitely felt it, but he didn't say anything. Just held on tighter and fell asleep with his face in my neck.

I am currently typing this under the blanket with one hand. I keep refreshing the comments with my brightness all the way down. He is asleep behind me. still holding me. Every time I move, he tightens his arm a little, and I have to stop breathing for a second.

Reddit, please help. I have maybe 6 hours until morning, and then I have to look him in the eyes and deal with the fact that my roommate told sleeping-me he's been in love with me for three years.

Am I reading too much into this because Reddit got in my head?

TL;DR: My roommate and I cuddled all night. He told sleeping-me he's been in love with me since freshman year and kissed my hair. straight?

Edit: I think I might be the stupid one

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r/relationship_advice • 2h
TunaMayo_

FINAL UPDATE: I'll never trust advice from Reddit again (but thank you)

Last post. And I mean it this time.

So I did not sleep at all.

I was reading through all of your comments on my last post. Some of you were helpful. Most of you were yelling. A lot of you told me to free him from the trenches, which was rude but fair.

Morning happened eventually. He woke up first and realized he was still holding me. I was still pretending to be asleep. He didn't move right away. Just held me a little longer. I didn't know what he was thinking because I had my back turned to him. He might have kissed my hair again too but I don't know for sure because I was trying hard to keep my breathing even. Then he let go very carefully and left.

I stayed in his bed for maybe ten more minutes so it wouldn't look suspicious. Also because I was trying to gather my thoughts. Then I went to the kitchen.

He was at the stove in yesterday's shirt, hair still messy, glasses crooked, making eggs.

Before I could say anything, he asked, very softly, "I'm making yours sunny-side up. Is that okay?"

Sunny-side up is my favorite.

Obviously, he knows that.

And I don't know how, but that was the thing that did it. Him just standing in our kitchen, making my eggs exactly how I like them.

So I told him I heard him last night. That I wasn't asleep.

total silence.

He asked how much. I said all of it.

Then, for the entertainment of the 4000 strangers who had somehow become emotionally invested in my humiliation, the important part went like this:

Him: "I can find somewhere else to live next semester."

Me: "What?"

Him: "You don't have to worry about it. I know you don't feel the same way. I'll fix it."

He immediately started spiraling and apologizing. He sounded like he was trying not to cry. wouldn't even face me.

He genuinely thought I was there to end our friendship. He thought hearing "I love you" would make me leave. He was still holding the spatula while saying this, btw. standing there trying to break his own heart with my sunny-side up egg burning behind him.

So I turned him around and kissed him.

He froze for like two seconds, then just lost it, grabbed me so hard my feet came off the floor, and kissed me back. I won't go into details about our kiss because that's none of your business, but just know that I was so dizzy that my legs actually gave out when he put me down.

He caught me before I fell, thank god, and asked, "Are you okay, baby?"

Baby.

He called me baby. I don't think he realized he said it out loud because he froze right after. He looked like he wanted to apologize, so I kissed him again before he could ruin it.

Anyway, after that kiss, he asked if he was dreaming. I said no. He asked if I had heard everything. I said yes.

Then he asked, "Do you actually want this?"

And I told him, "I've wanted this since before I knew I wanted it."

That was a very deeply embarrassing but unfortunately true statement.

I told him I've been calling him my roommate on the internet for five days while strangers screamed at me, and I think part of me knew the whole time, but I was scared.

He did this laugh-cry thing. called me an idiot. Then he told me he's been in love with me for three years, and I thought he was STRAIGHT.

In my defense: he dated a girl

In his defense: literally everything else

I'm writing this from our couch right now. He's next to me, reading over my shoulder and turning red. He says his side of the story is "much worse," and he "deserves compensation" for three years of this. also hasn't let go of my hand since we sat down. I moved to type, and he just adjusted his grip. I'm typing one-handed. It's taking forever. I don't care.

so:

• not straight. Very not straight

• in love with me for three years

• I am confirmed the most oblivious person alive. Every single one of you saw it before I did

• We're dating now 

• The avocado is still under the TV stand. We actually need to fish it out

• I'm deleting this account

to everyone who has been following this: your advice was terrible and reckless, and it worked. I hope you're proud.

and to Y, who's reading this right now with his ears so red I'm genuinely concerned:

I love you too. Sorry, it took me three years and 4000 strangers on the internet to figuer it out. You can stop holding my hand so I can type

(he said "no" so forgive me for the typos in this psot)

Goodbye, Reddit. You were unhinged, but you were right.

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