Archive of Our Own

Akuta was discovering that preservation is a difficult process. For one, he wasn't preserving something physical. Movies can easily be preserved on DVD’s, VHS, and film reels. Songs can be preserved on vinyls, CD’s and cassette tapes. You can replay them anytime you want, as much as you want, for as long as you want. He’s rewatched movies tens of times, and he’s heard Nanaki play back the same albums hundreds of times. It’s how favorites are solidified, by repetition. It’s not as complex as trying to preserve feelings. He can’t exactly extract the fuzziness in his chest as it closes tight and format it for a video or music player. So, he’s been trying other ways to preserve that feeling. Journaling. 

He never saw himself as the type to journal down his feelings, but as he spoke with Kaede on how to reflect on his feelings, he suggested a journal so that it’s private. Taking up on his suggestion, he began to look for one. He searched through stores to try and find something that fit him, but nothing really stuck out until he was looking in a 99 cent store after school. He scanned around, trying to find different supplies among the tall shelves and saw a section filled with notebooks. There, he saw a plain white book, with a spiral edge big enough so he could hold a pen inside of it and a black rubber band to close it off. He opened inside and saw the margin size and also liked the way it felt in his hand. The cover being blank was also cool since he could just doodle on it, or put stickers he likes, or maybe have Kiroku come up with something! He knew that it was perfect, and ended up buying it along with some snacks for their dorm. 

It was pretty useful, as he ended up jotting down any movie ideas he had during school, the motion of his writing keeping him awake during his Algebra 2 class. When he was home, he could snap the rubber band back and forth as he tried brainstorming ideas to fill in plot holes, or think of ideas for their next tour. It felt good hearing it reverberate and sound out into the air, and he liked putting his ideas to paper for a change. When he felt like he had to get the idea out of his head ASAP, he’d say it in a voice note, send it to Kiroku, and then jot it down afterwards. He liked playing the criticisms Kiroku gave him, and the small praises he’d get as well. Sometimes, he’d even get a voice note back with his opinion! Those were the best times, being able to replay his voice and secretly hoping it got stuck in his head like an earworm.

This small notebook was something he didn’t let anybody touch though, and he found himself being possessive of it. Kiroku could obviously hold it, of course, he had exclusive access to the weird thoughts and ideas of an upcoming galactic movie director. But he was worried anybody else who did flip through the pages would open the journal and accidentally stumble upon a passage about how much he’s thought about Kiroku’s lips, or how he’s wanted to save the texture of his fingertips as they’re pressed against his, or … anything embarrassing like that. Anything where his true thoughts are revealed. The black rubber band gave it a small sense of security, but he couldn’t really stop someone from moving it to the side and opening it. Would he have to jump somebody to stop them? Well, he’s not all skin and bones, but he’s definitely not as strong as some of the other people in the HAMA house. He would not win in a fight against some people, and so keeping it on his person 24/7 was one of the only solutions. 

It also, maybe, possibly, most definitely kept track of his Hanahaki symptoms as they worsened over time. He ended up coughing up more lilacs since that night he realized he was in love, the chunks slowly getting bigger and bigger over time. It was at best, uncomfortable, and at worst, draining. He’s not dumb, he’s tried researching solutions to cure it. Every online forum, every article, every single thing told that the answer was to “Confess your feelings! What’s the worst that could happen?” The thing is that he can’t really see a world where Kiroku likes him back. 

Kiroku likes him– at least he thinks he does, his paranoia these days has been messing with his head. Kaede told him it was a normal feeling, a byproduct of feeling jealous, but he hated it. He was at least sure Kiroku tolerated him. They work together, share a dorm room, and have coffee sometimes in the morning as well! Well, he has hot chocolate, Kiroku has coffee with milk and sugar. But they’ll just sit together and drink it in silence, and sometimes he’ll see Kiroku looking over at him! That means something, that had to mean at least he liked him. But not in the same way Akuta liked him. 

He’s written about that feeling one too many times, the feeling of unreciprocated love, and maybe he’ll sneeze a flower or two as he tries to let it go. He wishes he was just angry instead of this wallowing sadness when he thinks about the truth of the situation. And he’s tried to keep his usual optimism about this subject, that maybe there’s a slim chance that Kiroku does like him that same way. Where he also dreams about holding onto his hand, or his smile, but every time he does try and imagine it he sees a blur for his face. An empty slate, where it’s not exactly him. He can’t see himself with him, literally. He’s written only 2 words about it, “It sucks.”

So, the worst thing that could happen is that Kiroku doesn’t also love him, and he has to deal with the heartbreak of it all. He’s been sort of microdosing the pain, in the form of his brain trying to dream about Kiroku giving him a kiss and him not being able to see himself as it’s softly planted on his cheek. Akuta keeps his optimism here instead, he thinks it’ll be easier to get over with as well! At least he hopes so. He’s heard Nanaki silently crying sometimes, sad music escaping his headphones into their room when he’s trying to edit a video, and prays he doesn’t end up like that. He won’t. He’ll keep that promise to himself, he won't let his feelings ruin him.

Akuta taps his pen a few times on the side of his head, jotting down the next idea he has for a one-liner. He has his knees up in an empty stairwell, the sound of students leaving their clubs being a faint echo in the distance. He found out nobody really uses it, apparently it’s “haunted”, but he hasn’t seen a ghost there anyways. If the ghost tells him to leave, he will, but for now it’ll just be him, alone. The window streams in warm light, making him feel like he’s a dog sitting in the sunlight to stay warm. He decides to take a break in writing part of the script and flip to another section of the notebook. His log of the disease. 

His face turns to an unreadable expression for a second as he counts back the day. He writes down, “No coughing today. Chest feels weird. I got to talk to Kiroku earlier during lunch, and it felt good. His voice sounds” before he puts down his pen and buries his head into his knees, feeling really ashamed of how easily his mind jumps to Kiroku. He feels his ears get warm, and thinks about grabbing a tissue from his pocket. Secretly, he’s looked over a playlist Nanaki made online, one that’s full of love songs. He’s listened to it so many times, it's burned into his head. Akuta can’t help but think of him and Kiroku everytime, it just feels so … cheesy. At least what he felt lined up with the lyrics, where his love wasn’t something he could easily put to the side. 

He finishes the sentence, “His voice sounds nice. It’s soothing to hear. I like hearing it even though it might make me cough up more flowers.” It’s something he’s discovered on his own as well, what triggers his flowers to want to leave his lungs, making him hunch over waste bins at night. The fuzzy feeling, the thing he wants to preserve, it’s the root of it. He noticed that when his face turned a shade of light pink after Kiroku laughed at something he said, the flowers itched in throat yet again. It’s like they’re telling him to stop liking Kiroku, that being in love with him was forbidden. Or, maybe that he should confess his feelings, that they’re literally trying to escape from how much he likes him. Whatever it meant, he didn’t like the flowers. They were ruining his project! And also, slowly killing him, as he accidentally found out while searching for a cure.

After a certain point, Hanahaki becomes less about petals appearing in sneezes and more about coughing up stems riddled with thorns. There’s a “romanticized” version seen in different media, where it’s sort of cute that someone can’t seem to stop spitting up flowers because they’re so in love. Akuta has gradually found that version annoying, as if people looked at the disease with rose glasses. He wasn’t sure when it would be developed, the pace is different for everybody, but he knew that if the feelings were kept for more than half a year, then it’d quickly turn deadly. Not everybody is also too keen on finding out what feelings they’ve kept hidden, so the flowers usually give it away. Oftentimes, representing the kind of emotion or what the person is like. The morning after he talked with Kaede, he ended up asking Nagi about what purple lilacs meant. He stood across from him in the shop as he explained to him what the flower meant off the top of his head. First emotions of love. He felt his heart clench as he knew that it was true to him. Kiroku is his first love. He thanked him and left, continuing on with his day as he thought about journaling what he learnt down.

He’s had time to wonder about the dilemma as well, if he should continue the preservation process, and through precautious pondering, he’s picked to continue on. It doesn’t even hurt that bad, there are probably things that hurt more, like heartbreak (Like he’s never experienced it before.) So he’ll go through that pain again and again, as long as he can love Kiroku. Even if it won’t go anywhere. Even if it’ll stay in his journal and his head. Even if nothing will change, he prefers that anyway. These feelings are sacred, and he enjoys it more if he’s the only person that can hold onto them. Well, having Kiroku feel the same way would be awesome, but he doesn’t, so … It's fine if it’s just himself. He’s made peace with it. He swears.

Akuta was about to leave the empty stairwell, and head back to his dorm room. The sun was beginning to set, and he didn’t plan on taking the last train back! He stuffed his journal into his bag carefully, making sure to avoid it getting messed up among the loose papers in it. He was about to get up, but then he heard a familiar voice. 

“I … I’ve been–”

Another voice cuts in, “Start aGAIN. You’re lacking confiDENCE.”

“Again?!”

“...”

“...Fine.”

Was Kiroku practicing something? He had to be seated for this! He leaned against the stairs, listening to Kiroku’s voice wave through from the hallway to him. He heard him suck in a breath, trying to keep calm, and then he spoke again.

“I love you, and I have been for a wh-while.”

Akuta holds his breath. His ears must be working wrong. He heard that incorrectly. He must have.

“AGAIN. You’re stuttering, it shows you’re SCARED.”

“I-I am scared! You don’t … think I am!? What if … he doesn’t … feel the same?”

“It’s not about him feeling the same, it’s about you telling him how you FEEL. This disease is going to kill you, remember THAT.”

Right. He knows Kiroku has Hanahaki disease already. This shouldn’t be a surprise to him.

“At least … I wanna try … being romantic.”

That, though, was much more of a surprise. 

“There’ll be time to change your wording latER. You’re shaking like a leaf in the wind, at least say more than a few WORDS!”

“Alright.” Kiroku takes a pause, his footsteps sounding like he walked around in a circle. “I’ve been in love with you for the past few months. I … I’ve had .. hanahaki disease as a … result of it so … I-I wanted to cure it. Y-You do–”

“Good grief, You’re still stutterING.” Dewawa criticized him.

He rebutted, “At least I … spoke more!”

“I’ll give you that MUCH.”

Akuta stayed silent and heard Kiroku continue practicing. He couldn’t focus on whatever else he was saying as he continued to think about what he’d realized; Kiroku was in love with somebody. He was in love! Just like him, but a little different! This was much more than a simple crush! He should congratulate him, joke about hiding it from Nanaki, or anything! He should be happy that he found somebody he likes, that he’d want to spend his whole life with. That he wants to hold close to him, and go on dates with, and keep in his ribs alongside his feelings, and … and–

“Isotake?” Kiroku called out to him.

He looked up at the top of the staircase, snapping out of his thoughts. He found his emotions easily shown on his face as Kiroku looked back at him with something he couldn’t read exactly. His eyes had gone wide as if he was afraid of something, like he was caught doing a crime. Akuta found it hard to keep a steady face as he realized something important.

Kiroku was in love with somebody. That somebody is not him.

Akuta began to choke up, “C…Congrats bro! I’m– I … I’m …”, his words getting stuck in his throat as his eyes welled with tears. 

God, he can’t take this pain anymore. 

He grabs his bag and books it, running down the stairwell despite Kiroku calling out to him. He doesn’t know where he’ll go, just somewhere without him. He can barely stand to look at him now. Akuta finds some sort of irony in it all, where a moment ago he was getting flustered over imagining his voice and now he’s cursed with it stuck in his head. He heard Kiroku call out to him, louder this time, and he wanted to stop. He would have liked an answer for the situation, who his best friend was in love with, but he knew it’d hurt. Kiroku would awkwardly mumble somebody’s name that wasn’t Akuta Isotake, and he’d still have to look at him with his signature smile. He would still have to be happy about it all. But he isn’t. Instead, there's this pounding sadness ringing throughout his entire body. It’s making him run even though he doesn’t know where he’s going, and all he wants to do is cry, or yell at someone, or try and beg his brain for a reason on why he feels this way.

He still is running by the time he’s stopped hearing his voice, and he hears his phone buzzing with text messages. He checks his notifications quickly and sees they’re all from Kiroku. Well, isn’t that amazing. He turns off his phone, ignoring it. He’s not sure where to go next, wandering through an empty hallway. He doesn’t want to go back to the HAMA house, just in case he runs into him again, but he knows he might run into him again at the entrance. If he stayed here long enough, maybe it’ll trick him into thinking he left already? It’s his best shot, so he might as well linger around a little more. 

Akuta cleared up his tears from his weird emotional outburst, wanting to forget about it quickly. He didn’t realize that his feet had walked on his own to the art room, standing in front of the entrance. He doesn’t know what else to do but open the door. The smell of paint filled his head, making his eyes prick with tears as he thought about what he ran away from. His best friend. Practicing a confession. And he’ll say “I love you” to somebody that isn’t him. He wanted to reject the idea entirely, hope that it wasn't true, that his ears were working wrong, but he knew what he heard. He takes a deep breath in, trying to hold back his emotions in the shell of himself. And yet, his words haunt his head once more. 

“I’ve been in love with you for the past few months.”

In what world would he ever say that to him? Stupid. He’s an idiot for even thinking Kiroku would love him back. What did he even expect? That he’d confess at a new years eve party, or with a poem, or in the rain, or with anything at all? Did he actually believe that his life was like a movie, where he’d get a picture perfect confession and a happily ever after? Because it isn’t and he knows the truth. That struggle of his to be able to see both of them together wasn’t for nothing, he was preparing for this. For him to expect a confession, even to think about Kiroku actually doing all the cheesy romantic things he’s dreamed of … it’s worthless to dream about that anymore. He’s worthless. He’s a waste of space. He can’t stand to be in the same space as him, or be reminded of him, and to even take in the simple scent of materials makes him sick to his stomach. What’s wrong with him?

–Right. He’s consumed with jealousy. He thinks about how Kaede described the feeling to him, “Or, you’re angry and you don’t know why,” but he knows exactly why he feels this way. He wants to fulfill his own selfish request of being the person Kiroku loves, the one he’d treasure, the one he’d be confessing to. He wants to be the person who makes him smile, or laugh, or blush with a tinge of embarrassment behind his eyes. He wants to be the person he’d hold onto, and bring him to places he likes, and explain why he loves it so much. He wants to see the world from his eyes, and wants to understand how he looks in it. He wants to be something important, something he’d value, and Akuta knows that Kiroku does see him as someone important. But … he wants to be important-er. His own selfish request cannot be fulfilled, and that’s why he’s angry in the first place. Since it’ll go to somebody else. And he has to be fine with that. 

He can barely wallow in his feelings before something pricks at his throat again. He ends up coughing into his sleeve, seeing … an unfamiliar flower? He didn’t have much time to question it before he had to cough again, seeing another flower fall out of his mouth. He picked it up from the floor, examining its shape. It was bigger than the lilacs, that’s for sure, and they were still purple. The petals were more of a deep purple though, and they had a blue tinge to it, especially in the center. The dot in the center connecting all of them together was a brighter blue as well. Why was he coughing up a new flower, now of all times? He wanted to question it more but he knew he was entering another coughing fit. He rushed over to the sink, not caring much for the paint residue sticking inside of it.

Akuta spat out more petals of the new flower until another blossom left his mouth. He hacked out some lilacs, the familiar sight of it giving him a small amount of comfort. There was a strong floral taste in his mouth, the weird velvety taste feeling uncomfortable. He looked in the sink after he caught some of his breath, seeing it scattered with purple flowers and petals. “Great.” He thought to himself, lifting his head up and wiping his mouth off on his sleeve. His sarcasm comes back to bite at him as he enters another coughing fit. The sound of his own throat trying to get rid of the disease had begun to annoy him tremendously. He doesn’t remember how long he was hunched over the sink, he only remembers the relief he had when the flowers were gone at the cost of his throat being scratched up.

He adjusts his headband, staring apathetically at the flowers next to the dried paint. And then his brain has to think. Purple, paint, being in the art room. He lets his emotions go for a second time, gripping onto the sink as he lets himself cry. Even his tears remind him of how honest he was with Kiroku that night, letting himself remember about the bullying he faced. He can’t help but wish he positive jumped again, or let Kiroku see him as a hot mess like this so he could sing to him sweetly about how it’ll all be ok. But he’s lying to himself, it’s not ok. He doubts it’ll be ok for a long time. His tears hit the flowers, feeling them run down his face as he tries to clean them up. 

Stupid. Idiot. Dumbass. Waste of space. He’s pissed off, but not at Kiroku or anybody. Himself. He hates himself for feeling so possessive, for feeling he deserved anything when he’s not more than trash. These disgusting feelings of his, the ones of envy and jealousy, only confirm it. All he can feel is this pain, deeply settled in his bones, messing with his brain as it pounds in his skull. Kiroku deserves someone who doesn’t turn into an emotional wreck at the drop of a hat, someone who struggles to even be true to himself. He deserves better than … whatever he is. His vision is a bit blurry, but he tries to distract himself as he cleans up the flowers in the sink. It would be a nuisance to anyone who wanted to clean their paint brushes there, only to be met with petals. He picks them up, handsfulls at a time as he moves them to the trashcan. He watches them leave his hands, his sniffling being the only sound in the room as he sees them float down. 

And then he sees it, as if lightning struck him.

In his mind's eye, an idea for a movie. Unlike the chasing action or gritty drama’s he’s written, it’s a more softer romance. Set in high school, where the two main characters connect through a meetcute, and then they become closer, and then– he has to write this down! Like immediately! But, he’s unsure if there would be a good place to do it. All of the art supplies make him think of Kiroku, and the HAMA house is no good, so he’ll just head to his uncle’s house! He’ll definitely have a clear mind there! Akuta washes his hands and leaves the art room, not even bothering to dry them as he picks up his bag. He walks through the halls carefully, like he’s in a spy movie, and doesn’t spot Kiroku. He ends up quickly changing his shoes and leaving the school. He’s fortunate enough to catch a bus back to his own house as it reaches the stop. He opens his phone, seeing text messages from everyone in Day2. Ah. Right. His heart twists as he sees the previews to them, deciding to ignore them and to text Teach that he’s staying at his own house for a few nights since he has a movie script idea. Just in case they end up worrying more. 

He ends up getting a seat on the bus, and begins jotting down in his notebook. He still has the vision lingering in the back of his head, how the movie would play out, and he’s beginning to dislike the ending he’s given. The main characters in it, there’s no happy ending for them. They both end up being too scared to confess, and end up separating after spending their year together. By the time it’s spring, they’ve gotten new friend groups and only awkwardly look at each other. Akuta hates that idea. They should have a happy ending! The purpose of these sorts of movies isn’t to be realistic and sad, it’s not like the real world! It’s to give hope and inspire others! So, he’ll nix that part of it, everything else is great though. In its stead, he’ll write an amazing confession, and a picture perfect kiss!

He almost forgets his stop as he’s in the middle of writing down the climax scene, hopping off the bus and running home so he can write the rest of it down. He ends up rushing to unlock the door, missing the keyhole twice in his excitement, taking his shoes off and heading over to the kitchen counter. He ends up scribbling down almost the entire movie idea, besides the ending, but he’ll deal with that later! For now, he’s got a cult classic romance movie in the making, and it’ll be so great that he’ll finally make his debut as a movie director! 

. . . Maybe then, he can finally see him and Kiroku together. The purpose of that journal was to preserve his feelings, right? So, if he takes the ideas from there and puts them into the script, then that entire movie will be a way for him to express his true feelings. The truth feels scary to confront, but as long as Kiroku is there, or the character written with him in mind, he’ll be able to do it. He won’t have to abandon his notebook, or anything like that! And since Kiroku doesn’t like him anyways, he’s fine with being a bit embarrassed if anyone else sees it. He’ll be able to brush it off and casually mention it’s from a crush that went nowhere. He’d probably be with someone better why the time he has to explain. All of his feelings, no matter how small or big or nice or nasty they may seem, they were there with a purpose. So he won’t neglect them this time. He doesn’t want to neglect them. He’ll preserve them carefully, and immortalize them. Maybe then, it’ll leave his system and he can go back to seeing Kiroku as a friend. “That’d be nice” He thinks to himself, opening up his computer and making a new document. 

Click clack click clack click clack click. He deletes the last line and tries to think of something else. His keyboard clacks again as he thinks of something on the spot. Clack click clack click clack click clack. He scratches the line again and gets out of his bed, taking a small walk to clear his head. He’s been marathoning rom-com movies for the past few days to get in his head how a romance movie should go. From While You Were Sleeping, to When Harry Met Sally, and 10 Things I Hate About You, he’s pretty much binge watched the best movies from the golden age of rom-coms to study how his movie should be. He’s actually made cohesive notes this time on the lighting, direction, and pacing this time! And even though some movies did give him a nosebleed, he powered through it since nothing is gonna stop him!

While writing the script, he found that his journal entries had intertwined with the story. Some of the scenes needed to have that classic sappiness behind them, where you can clearly tell the characters are in love with each other. All of the best romance movies have a level of yearning between the main couple. There's scenes where no words are spoken between them, but you can clearly see in their eyes how much affection they hold for each other. He hopes nobody will notice it’s parts of dreams taken directly from his journal. He thinks the lovey dovey thoughts he’s had finally came in use, the romantically charged moments making it all mean more. The notebook had a use!

Akuta sits back down in his bed again, reading the scene for the 6th time. He thinks about it for a moment, trying to see how it’ll play out. Instead of something that’s meant to be him and Kiroku, it’s the main characters! He sees one of the main characters guiding the other around, probably not around the places around their high school but somewhere else, and he sees them holding hands. The cinematography in his head shows one of the main characters complimenting them, letting the scene linger on the other blushing and stuttering over their words because of it. His ears turn slightly pink as he reads the scene once more, being happy with the way it’s written. He doesn’t think it’ll matter too much if this scene makes him embarrassed now, since he’ll be over it soon. It’s like writing a love song, he thinks, it’s best to do it when you’re in love since you’ll know how it feels at that moment. Or, maybe it’s better to do it when you at least know what love feels like? Or, maybe you don’t need to know what love feels like at all, as long as you understand it? And love has a ton of meanings anyways, so perhaps it doesn’t matter too much then? This is why he doesn’t write love songs and he sticks to writing scripts. He has a lot more words to say than what can fit into a chorus. It’s harder for him to choose only a few words when he has so many things he wants to describe, and he doesn’t think people would want to listen to a 2 hour long song.

It’s becoming a recurring feeling, the one that’s felt when flower petals get logged in his throat, and he knows that another coughing fit was going to occur. He sits up, moving his computer away from him as he expects the worst, and he coughs up a singular flower. The flower is fully intact, still sitting on his tongue before he spits it out and it looks back at him. It’s the unfamiliar blurple flower from earlier, the one that came after he … left. He’s been stuck with these flowers more the past few days, not really understanding what they even meant. He would go ask Nagi, but he’s been busy working on his script and he doesn’t want to bother him. Searching up the petal got him close to nowhere, and so he’s been dealt a card with no idea how to play it. Thinking about it, the flower sort of reminds him of Kiroku. Maybe he’s just desperate to connect anything back to him, but the darkness of it makes him think of his black hair. It’s better to think of the meaning as that, just a Kiroku flower. He stands up and throws the flower away before returning back to his work, knowing he should keep the same progress on it if he wants to finish it.

He scrolls through the document, seeing how all the scenes line up as he skims through it. He looks over a scene more towards the end, trying to see if it’ll click in his head. It’s when the main characters have a miscommunication over something. It's one of the most popular tropes in rom-coms, of course he had to add it in! Yet, every time he read it, something was just off about the scene. He couldn’t place it, maybe the tone was off? Should he make it more light-hearted like the rest of the film? Or something more serious? It’s missing something to make it fit in with the rest of the movie, but he can’t figure out what. He thinks he could be rushing it, since he did just write 2/3rds of it in 4 days, but he also wonders if there's something he hasn’t understood yet that’s lacking from the scene.

He takes in the word count for now, feeling proud for having written so much in such little time. Between taking care of himself and still heading to school, all he’s been doing is writing. He’s even written scenes while bored out of his mind in class, not paying mind to the material being taught. When Sekiguchi and Morita tease him again over what he’s writing, he simply ignores them as all of his attention was directed towards the next scene he could write. Akuta has been taking the bus straight home as well, so he hasn’t seen anybody from the Day Squad in a while. But it’ll be fine! When he’s done with the script, he’ll just tell everyone he was busy working on it and they can all look at it together! The stairwell had become a new friend of his anyways, the sunlight becoming another familiar face as he got used to staying late. The sound of his pencil moving and the clacking of his keyboard became the sounds most heard in it, giving him an odd sense of comfort.

Akuta was still scrambling down ideas on how to make the miscommunication scene fit in with the rest of the script as Muneuji sat next to him in the “haunted” stairwell one day during their lunch. He’s not sure how he found it since he thought it was something only him and Kiroku knew, but that’s okay! He commented on the fact that he’s never seemed so focused before, seeing how much he’s been writing. All Akuta had mentioned was that he was working on a big project, and how he’s gonna finish it soon. He asked if he was okay, since he hasn’t spoken to them in a while, and he told him he was fine! Since he was!

“Akuta, Kiroku is … he’s worried about you. We are all worried about you,” He began to state. Akuta looked pained when his name was mentioned, glancing over at his journal again. “Kiroku told us what happened a few days ago–”

“That wasn’t me!” he objected.

“Huh?”

“It– That wasn’t me at all! I’ve changed since then! I’m all better now, so … !”

“Still, it is concerning that you reacted that way. Do you want to talk about it?” 

He didn’t want to talk about it. He didn’t want to mention it again, cause it’ll make him cry like he did a few days ago. He found his voice stuck in his throat again and he hugged the journal close to his chest. 

“It’s just … What did he tell you about it?” he questioned him.

“Kiroku told us he was practicing something important, and that you overheard and ran away.”

“Did he say what he was practicing?”

“No, he left that part vague, but I think he told Chief about it.”

“Mmm … can we stop talking about this?” he quietly asked, closing his journal as he looked at him. The boy next to him thought about it for a moment, hesitating before agreeing. Instead, he brought up something else. 

“You’ve been carrying that book around and writing in it for a few weeks now, right?”

“Yeppers! It’s been good since I've been writing all my movie ideas in it instead of on random scrap paper.”

“Is that so … would you want to share it with anyone?” he queried.

“I mean~ maybe! In, like, the future! It’ll probably be immortalized in some museum and people can look at my great ideas for scenes!”

“What about now? Anybody you would want to give it to?”

“Hmm hmm … Kiroku! He can see it! But it might be a bit embarrassing for me, so I'd probably have to leave!”

“Embarrasing?”

Akuta admitted, “Yeah, it’d be awkward since I like him and he likes someone else.”

“Well, of course you like him.”

“I do, but not in that way … Right! I love him!” He simply said it like it was a common truth. Muneuji looked over at him with a tinge of surprise on his face. 

“You love him?”

“I'm super, duper, 200% sure! Don’t think I've ever told anyone about it before besides Teach.”

“But … he loves someone else?”

“Yeah. He does. Someone who … isn’t me.” Akuta hesitated on ending his sentence, letting a sadness seep into his heart. “I guess I wanted to write down how much I … I love him, so these feelings would leave me and then we’d go back to being friends, but every time I think about it, about him liking somebody else … It's like a wound is reopened but nastier. Like getting a scrape on your knee, letting it heal, then getting a deep cut. It hurts to think about it.” He held a knee to his chest as tears began to well up in his eyes, trying his best to push away the pain. Muneuji put a comforting hand on his back as he consoled him.

“It’s fine to feel that way, love can be an extremely strong feeling. Feelings … feelings like that, they will not go away. Even if you write about it hundreds of times,” he reassured. “So it’s fine to carry it in your heart for a while, and to be in pain thinking about it. That’s the point of life, isn’t it? To have these kinds of experiences?”

Akuta cleaned off the tears with his sleeve as he looked towards him. “Yeah, you’re right. I guess it’s fine if my heart hurts a little now.”

“It’s more than just a little though. That’s why you haven’t spoken to him in 4 days.”

“I … uh … maybe, maybe it is.” His voice warbles. His tears began to spill as he wept, “It hurts a lot, it really, really does. He probably likes someone who’s just not … me. Someone who’d be better than me. And I wanted to get rid of it since it hurts so much but … it won’t go away for a while now, right?” 

“... It probably won’t, but it’ll be fine. You have the rest of the Day Squad, and Chief, and even Karigane looking out for you. You have our back, and we have yours.”

Akuta held onto him tightly as he continued to cry, feeling like he properly let go of his feelings for the first time. Muneuji held onto him too, feeling thankful that he trusted him enough to talk to him. After he was done, the bell rang again for the next class and they both went their own ways. In the back of his head though, he knew how to solve that miscommunication scene in his script!

He went back to it as soon as he got home, immediately removing the old scene and replacing it with a new one. This new scene, this would establish a longer issue in the story instead of being immediately resolved. The protagonists here would still struggle to understand each other, of course, but then they end up in a small argument that leaves both of them angry. They end up not speaking to each other for a few days because of it, causing a cold war to form between them. The tension would rise and it’d end up being more dramatic! And so, the last act of the movie would be them mending their friendship, them confessing, all the good stuff! The issue is, he doesn’t really know how to write it. 

The loose ideas he had in his journal are giving him a guide, but he looks towards the end of the script and finds nothing has been written for the ending still. He has a general idea how he wants it to go, but when his fingers linger over the keyboard, he finds that all the words have left his head and he can’t type anything up. So, he goes back to his trusted tool, his journal. He’s re-read all of the journal entries at least twice, causing butterflies to form in his stomach yet again and he ends up in a coughing fit half of the time. The kiroku-reminder flowers have been occurring more and more these days, feeling like they’ve been haunting him anytime he opens up a trash bin. It’s just staring back at him, reminding him about how he left in an instant, how he still called out his name, how he knows that he doesn’t like him back yet he’s still doing this for no reason. 

Even after that, he can’t figure out how to write the ending. He’s done research on it, ended up watching Pride and Prejudice and Ever After in between, and before he knew it it’s been a week since he’s spoken to Kiroku. As he writes, he still keeps his phone close to him just in case his uncle calls him, but it lingers in the back of his mind how he’s doing. Is he ok? Should he text him? Is the dorm room quieter without him? He wonders if he notices how he’s absent from certain places, like the smell of cigarettes lingering even after a person is gone, clinging in the air like a desperate way to last in someone’s memory. Akuta secretly hopes that Kiroku is worried about him too, in the same way he thinks about him. He thinks about him too much, and not enough at the same time somehow. Schrödinger's concern, he coined. 

He ends up pacing his house during the evening, trying to rack his brain for a good ending. It can’t be just any words, it has to be the words. The scene the audience will love and memorize for years. It's those words that build up being worth it, where the plot feels inevitable and perfect. But his head is empty, and he’s read all of his journal for a third time and does not intend to torture himself for a fourth time. In his desperation, he hadn’t recognized the nosebleed he'd gotten while walking around the table, only noticing it when the taste of blood hit his lips. He rushes to grab a tissue and sits down, hanging his head as he still continues to think about the ending.

He feels like giving up, calling it quits and leaving it as another unfinished draft in the piles of scripts he’s written. But then he thinks of Kiroku, and how much he’s written about him in that journal, and scratches that decision. He thinks about the message he’s meant to convey behind it, the meaning behind why he’s written this much, and he knows it’s there, in the bottom of his heart but he doesn’t know the words for it yet. But he swears it’s there, it’s what motivated him to write all those entries about Kiroku. He’ll … he’ll find it out soon. 

His random talks to Kiroku about movies, or art, or about anything, are becoming something he’s missed the most these days as he wades around in sheer boredom. As he doesn’t know what to do next, he decides to look through his computer files to look at any drafts. He scrolls through them, the nondescript titles not giving much away. Sometimes, it’ll be “aaaaa.pdf” or “ufhvqblierhbv.pdf” with a title hidden inside the document that gives a much better understanding of the information compared to the one the document has. In his scrolling, he finds a document labeled as “!!!love!!!.pdf” and decides to open it. It’s not a movie script, but instead a small rant about his feelings. Well, he didn’t know they were romantic feelings yet, to him it was just his best friend looking shinier in his eyes. 

He ends up reading it in its entirety, feeling a level of embarrassment for not recognizing his feelings sooner. It’s not more than a few paragraphs on some of his thoughts. The “Akuta” here is different from the one he was a week ago, and it’s different from him now. The one here seems … much more naive. One that’s blissfully unaware of the lingering truth that’s already clinging to his clothes. He reads it again and feels a silhouette of himself form as he reads the simple wishes he had. In his words, he wanted to sit next to Kiroku, even if they didn’t speak a word. And in that silence, there would still be comfort since he can look up and see him working hard. He’ll see his bangs clipped up, and think it looks cute, and then he’ll go back to his own work, the admiration he has for Kiroku lingering in his thoughts. 

He reads the next paragraph, one that details about the dreams he’s had of them on dates. In one he had weeks and weeks ago, it was them going to an amusement park. Wandering through the park together the entire day, he writes down how attentive Kiroku was to make sure he wasn’t passing out or had too many nosebleeds that day. The next time, it was a movie marathon of a popular sci-fi series. He remembers how he held onto his arm, still jumping every time a slight scare happened and seeing Kiroku look over at him with fondness. He thinks back to some of the dreams he had of Kiroku since he wrote this. One of the most recent ones he had was one where they went to a famous art museum together for a study trip, only from a day or two ago. He saw a spark in Kiroku’s eyes as he pointed out different paintings and what he liked about them, from the context to the technique used. He always liked hearing Kiroku’s different opinion on things, even things he didn’t fully get. He continues on reading, reaching the last paragraph. His favorite one is just a day where they sat together, alone in the dorm room, having coffee and hot chocolate as they talked about their plans for the day. Nothing of the conversation was remembered, but all he knew is that they had been dating for a while compared to the other dreams. He noted down how fuzzy it felt seeing them together for so long, and he hopes it can come true in the future. In these sentences, they’re together, like actually together instead of him just wishing about being with him.

It’s so soft and honest and … sweet. 

He hasn’t really seen love as this “sweet” thing in a while. The past few days have been like torture to his brain, where he hasn’t spoken with the one he loves in so long that he yearns for him. Well, it’s been a week, he might be dramatic, but so what? It definitely does feel like that! Mixed with the fact he has hanahaki disease and the new flower he’s been coughing up, he doesn’t feel all that well while writing the script. The way it always makes him think of the incident isn’t pleasant, and the sound of his own dry cough is something he’s hated to hear. Yet, it’s the same reason that document was made and how it detailed his dreams and wishes to date him. Why he had gotten the journal in the first place, filling it with how he wanted to hold his hand, and kiss him, and to stay in love with him for as long as his feelings burn. This love of his … it’s been so varied. That’s exactly how love is though! Love is something that can head in so many directions, where it’s tense and dramatic and ugly, but it’s also light-hearted and adorable and sweet! That’s the best thing about being in love, that sort of sweetness that fills your heart when you see that person! Where your heart is going to burst, and you feel nervous, but it’s alright. Since they’re there. And if they are there it’ll all be okay. Even if it really isn’t. And as if a lightning bolt has struck him again, he figured out why he’s writing the movie in the first place. 

It’s a confession!

He’s confessing to Kiroku on how he’s been feeling all these months, through the form of a script written as if they were the leads. Where the main characters go through the ups and downs of being in love. The journal was his direct source on all of the feelings he’s been bottling up for months, the fuzzy feelings showing in the cuter scenes and the hardship they go through in the last act of the film. It’s true to them as well! All of the feelings he’s had tightly kept to himself, the good, the bad and the ugly, they’ve been a part of his journey. And even though Kiroku isn’t there, he’s been slowly letting the feelings go. Through the ugliness, the beauty, the complexity and the plainness of his feelings, he’ll get it across to him no matter what. Even in a way, Akuta realizes that he’s been seeing them together all of this time. Like a mental fog clearing from his head, he sees it.

Akuta Isotake is an upcoming movie director. He is in love with his best friend, and he knows how to write the ending. 

It’s been quiet. It’s been quiet in the HAMA house for the past few days, in fact. Kaede knows that, but he still can’t get over it. The sporadic leader of the day team had been off on his own for a week, apparently needing full concentration to write his next movie script. He doubts that it’s entirely about that, knowing somewhat of what happened between Akuta and Kiroku. A week ago, Kiroku had come home looking dejected. He didn’t mention what had occurred, but Muneuji filled him in on the incident. Apparently, some miscommunication had arisen between him and Akuta, causing the orange haired boy to leave before he had a chance to explain anything. So, a rift had formed between the leader and his best friend. The rest of Day2 became naturally concerned, trying to talk to both of them. Nanaki and Ushio ended up talking to Kiroku about what happened from his perspective, and Muneuji went ahead to talk with Akuta. They ended up reporting to each other about it, and apparently it’s something they couldn’t tell him at all. Muneuji told him that Akuta will come back here eventually and explain it to him, while Nanaki and Ushio agreed to let Kiroku tell him about it when he’s ready. So he’s left in the dark about it all. 

Usually by this time, they’d all come to the HAMA house together, eagerly telling anyone in the living room about how their day went. The chatter of difficult classes, drama between classmates and events their school was planning would have filled the space, but it’s hollow now. He’s noticed that they all still come back together, but it’s later. He wonders if they’re planning something, or it’s a coincidence and maybe they’re more busy with their clubs? Whatever the case may be, the silence was unnerving to him, so he planned to do something to keep his mind busy. As he was about to stand up from the kitchen table, he heard the familiar shuffle of keys faintly, followed by a muffled swear under someone’s breath. He sees the face of Akuta walk through the door, with two thick piles of paper under his arm. 

“Teach! I’ve done it!” Akuta called out to him, closing the door as he ran over to him. “I finished the script,” he proudly declares while handing him a copy, “And I want someone else to proofread it for me!”

Kaede was in a bit of shock, not expecting to see him so suddenly. “S-Sure, I'll proofread it for you,” he agreed, “But I haven’t seen you in days! How have you been?”

“I’ve been doing A-OK! I worked hard and locked in on finishing this screenplay! It’s absolute peak to me, I can already see it becoming an all time classic! A must watch for rom-coms!”

“A rom-com?”

“Yeppers! I’ve been branching out these days!”

Kaede flips through the pages, looking over the script until a scene catches his eye. It’s a simple scene between the leads. One of the leads ended up bringing the other along to show him his favorite places around the school. As he excitedly pointed out places, the other lead noticed they were holding hands. He seemed embarrassed by it. The more chipper lead described more places, as the reserved lead ended up complementing him. After the compliment, it seemed they melted a little, stumbling over his words as he wondered if it’s true. The reserved lead affirms it, making the other look away from him. They both then become aware of the fact that they’re holding hands, and the chipper lead still continues to give him a tour despite his face being more pink. As he finished reading the scene in his head, he began to ask little questions to Akuta.

“It seems to be pretty straight forward with its plot so far … the main characters like each other, right?”

“Mhm! I ended up writing one of the MC’s based on myself, since the entire story is based on these feelings I kept to myself for a while.”

“...What kind of feelings?”

“The ones I kept in my journal!”

He rummages through his bag for a second, pulling out a decorated journal. The cover is filled with different pencil scribbles, having a ton of different objects filling the empty space. From art supplies to movie equipment, it really does feel like the journal would belong to Akuta. Kaede is hesitant to pick up the journal, but since he left it out, he wonders if it’s okay for him to look at it. He doesn’t want to stumble upon anything he shouldn’t be looking at though. He continued to look at the journal as a silence formed between them, his hand reaching out hesitantly before Akuta slammed his hand on the cover and pulled it towards him.

“Sorry Teach, but–”

“It’s- it’s fine! It’s yours anyways!”

“You ended up recommending me keeping one to uh … right! To reflect on myself! And so I got one! But I ended up writing a lot more movie ideas in it and I don’t wanna spoil it for you!”

“Ah, alright then. So, some of the ideas for this movie are from that book?”

“A lot of them actually!” 

“That's great! I guess the ideas were really great since you completed it pretty quickly.”

“Yep! All in a week!”

“A week?!” He exclaimed.

The boy tilted his head in confusion, “Yeah, seven days. I know usually it takes me longer but … the ideas were really that banger!”

Kaede began to fret over him, wondering if he slept enough or ate enough. He assured him that he did, but the deep bags under his eyes gave it away. He questioned why this specific script meant so much to him in his head, wondering how he could find that out. He flipped to the end of the end of the script, flipping between behind a few pages until he reaches a climax scene. The scene is, of course, very dramatic, in which the characters end up confessing their love for each other in indirect ways. Cas, the character he assumed Akuta based on himself, ended up making a small video with moments he recorded of their hang outs, focusing on his friend. Bones, which he’s somewhat certain is meant to be Kiroku, ended up giving him a painting of both of them. It’s really adorable, since they both were unaware of their feelings. It feels like it was inevitable, like any rom-com movie is. Yet, as he looked over a scene, something bugged him.

“Akuta, did you mean to come back at this part later, or something?”

“Hm? Which one?”

He turns the thick packet towards him and points at a line, “This one. It just says ‘They kiss’, and compared to everything else it just feels … plain? I’m sure you’ve seen a bunch of romance movies to study how characters would have chemistry together, so how would their first kiss go like?”

“Ahahaha, right! Yeah, guess I did miss that part. Thanks for catching it! I don’t think I thought of it much, so I will right now!”

Akuta pulled the script closer towards him, reading the descriptive section over and over in his head, again and again to get an idea. He grabs a pen as he begins to think about it. He’s definitely thought about kissing Kiroku before, so it’s nothing new to him. In the past, it was harder for him to visualize in his head. He’s described how shitty it was, only wanting to see him and his crush together for once. But as he gradually wrote more and more of the script, it’s like a fog had lifted in his head and his face became clear. Akuta sees the way he reacts to even a simple kiss, his face turning bright red as Kiroku tries to hide his laughter. And even though he was embarrassed, he’d still want another one. He’d ask him quietly if he could try, and he’d say yes while looking away from him. Akuta would cup his hand around his cheek, and then lean in, tasting–

“AKUTA! Your nose is bleeding!” Kaede exclaimed, hurriedly standing up to grab a box of tissues. Akuta suddenly feels a little lightheaded, feeling a warmth rise on his face. His ears were already bright red, with the rest of his face in a light pink tinge. As Kaede handed him some tissues, he leaned forward as the napkins were quickly stained with blood. 

“That’s probably why I didn’t think about it too much,” he joked, moving the old tissues away and replacing them with new ones as more blood flowed out. 

“But … you’ve been fine with kiss scenes in movies before, right?”

“Yeah, I mean, sort of! I’ve been getting better since we saw that movie together in theaters that one time!”

“I just don’t get why it’s so strong now, like you’re bleeding a lot, like way more than a usual nosebleed.”

“I am?”

“That’s like your 2nd tissue and it’s been only a minute.”

“Well … It’s probably not that important! Haha, I mean, I usually get nosebleeds anyways.”

“Thats true, but … hmm, I guess with the situation the rest of the Day Team told me, I'm just a bit worried.”

Akuta shot back up, staring straight into him, “Did Kiroku say anything!?”

“No, but Nanaki, Ushio, and Muneuji did. They didn’t mention much anyways.” 

“Ah … okay then.” He sighed, sinking back down into his seat.

“Still, from what I heard, you ran away after you overheard Kiroku say something?”

“Yeah, I did. It’s … mmm, it feels more complicated to explain when I haven’t told you much.” He explained, gazing at the script for a moment as he looked back at Kaede, “When I ended up writing the ending, I was thinking back to when I wrote The Night Sky’s Love Call and it had a meaning to it. Since the meaning of that was ‘Friendship’, I wondered about the meaning of this movie too.” Akuta mindlessly flipped through the pages of the script, the texture of paper dragging on his fingertips. “It like, hit me like a lightning bolt when I realized why I was even writing it! Since uh … it’s meant to be a confession.”

“A confe…” Kaede echoed, his voice trailing off. It suddenly clicked in his head why Akuta turned bright red reading the scene over again, why he hadn’t talked to Kiroku in so long, and why he even spoke to him on that balcony those weeks ago. “You like Kiroku?” he asked.

“Yeah. I li- love him. Big time!”

“That’s great! I’m really happy for you!”

“Thanks man, it’s just … Kiroku … he doesn’t like me back.”

“He doesn’t?!” 

“Y … Yeah. I overhead him uh … practicing a confession alone that day. I was just there at the wrong place, at the wrong time. I wanted to be happy for him, just like how you were with me right now, but I … I ended up crying and leaving without speaking to him. Now I haven’t spoken to him the entire week.” Akuta lamented, resting his head on the table in his arms. “I wrote the script to confess to him, but now I’m actually thinking about it, I dunno if he’d actually like me back. Maybe, there's someone he likes who’s better than me, you get it?”

“I do, but how do you know he doesn’t?”

“He was practicing a confession.” 

“So you don’t know.”

“It probably wasn’t for me–”

“You literally don’t know! Maybe he was practicing it so it’d be perfect for you!” He challenged. Akuta slowly lifted up his head as the words clicked in his head. 

“To make it perfect … right. YOU’RE RIGHT!!! Kiroku could totally be practicing, like how I've been writing up this script for the past week!” He straightened up as a light re-entered his eyes.

“Exactly! You can’t give up hope, especially since you don’t know for certain!”

“I HAVE TO GIVE HIM THE SCRIPT!!!” He exclaimed like it was the most important thing in the world. “It’s– my script, it's like his confession! And if he’s gonna confess his love, I'm gonna do the same!” He hurriedly stuffed the papers into his bag alongside his journal. He seemed extremely hyper at the realization, hugging Kaede tightly as he thanked him. 

“Thank you, thank you, thank you! We’re so back!!!”

“You’re welcome! But, are you going to leave right now? They all might be on their way back already.”

“They might be, but I have to take that chance that he’s still there! 90% of gamblers lose before they hit it big, and I’m not gonna be in that 90%!” 

Kaede seemed really amused by this entire incident. As he saw him leave through the front door, thanking him several times over in the process, he wished him good luck and told him not to give up hope. Akuta only has hope in his heart now. There’s totally a chance! He can literally see them together! So, he just can't give up now! And if there’s someone better than him, then … then he’ll be fine with that too since he at least had a chance to say how he feels! That’s gotta be better than nothing! He ran down the street, reaching his stop as he waited for the bus. As he checked the times for the bus, he noticed it would be only a few minutes before one was there. Luck was on his side today!

Deciding to use the time he had to his advantage, he ended up calling Kiroku to see how he was. Even though their conversation was a little awkward, he felt like it was the first step that needed to be taken so that they can go back to being “normal” again, whatever that would mean in the future. There’s still a chance that Kiroku doesn’t like him back, but there's a chance that he does! He’s not sure of the odds being in his favor, but he’ll always take that bet. As long as their friendship, or whatever they have going on, doesn’t fade away. 

Muneuji and Nanaki crowd around Kiroku, with Ushio standing off to the side. They were the only students left on the top floor of Asunaro High, the emptiness of it making it feel much more eerie than it would be at noon. The small huddle was looking over an index card Kiroku held.

Nanaki reads off it, “I’ve had a crush on you for the–” 

“–Don’t …! Don’t say it … out loud!” Kiroku interrupts him, trying to conceal his embarrassment.

“It’s pretty straight forward, especially for Golem.” Ushio comments.

“I want … Isotake to know … my feelings … without it being … misunderstood.”

Muneuji complimented, “That’s really thoughtful of you to consider how Akuta will receive it.”

“I’m also glad … you guys are helping me.”

Ushio responded, “I know this means a lot to you, so … you don’t gotta hesitate when you need our help, ok?”

“Alright …”

“The confession does come off as really strong, though.” Nanaki remarked.

“Eh…?” Kiroku was confused, was there something wrong with it?

“The confession is just fine, what are you even on about?” Ushio retorts with. 

“It’s just … maybe it’s just me but I’d go for something softer. More romantic.”

“Of course you’d say that.”

“What does that mean?”

“Did you even hear anything of what Golem said? He says he wants it to be direct, not some lovey-dovey confession. Not everybody thinks like you.”

“Excuse me? He’s saying he likes him, of course I thought it’d be more romantic.”

“There’s a lot of other things that build romantic tension besides someone's words anyways. I thought you understood that from the amount of times you’ve been rejected.”

“Like you’d have any experience with confessions at all, how would you even do it?”

“W-Well! I’d …”

“Or are you too proud of yourself to even confess at all?”

“You didn’t even let me finish speaking, dipshit!”

“You weren’t even saying anything, it looked like you were too busy caught up in your daydreams to give me a response.”

Nanaki and Ushio continued to bicker with each other on how to give a confession, criticizing each over the most minute details. What Nanaki had said was stuck in his head, was it romantic enough? That’s something he also wanted to try doing from the start. He wanted Akuta to experience a romantic confession scene as well, like the ones depicted in films. Even though he rarely watched romance movies, he had a sense of what they’d be like from watching clips of the most famous ones. He thought about both him and Akuta watching them together, cuddled up around his computer watching a classic romance film together, seeing his face blush at a kiss scene, and he’d see him get all embarrassed afterwards. He’s been dreaming of them doing cute things together since he’s been planning the confession weeks ago, but during the past week he’s unsure if Akuta will accept it. It ate at him little by little, the fear of Akuta rejecting him, but he had to remind himself that he’s confessing because it’s mainly because his health is going to get worse and not because he wanted to tell him that he loves him. If it was up to him, he’d keep this feeling all to himself and never share it. So, he decides that being “romantic” enough is not a concern of his. Everything complicated can come later, he just wants Akuta to know. 

“Nanaki, Uu-chan, stop fighting. We are not getting anywhere if you keep on squabbling.” Muneuji scolded them, stepping in between them before more of their argument continued. They both apologised weakly and stepped away, hearing a phone ring in the air. They looked around, curious on who it belonged to as Kiroku fished out his phone from his pocket. He picked up the phone, feeling a flurry of emotions when the voice on the other end was Akuta’s.

Akuta had suddenly called him, sounding like he was in a rush, where he was speaking too fast for him to understand anything he said. After asking him to slow down, he had called him to ask if he was still at the school since he needed to give him something important. He confirmed that he was, saying he was on the top floor. The line went silent for a moment, before Akuta asked if he could head to the hallway he was at a few days ago. He agreed immediately, promising he would be there. His best friend said he’ll be there in about 20 minutes. So, he had 20 minutes to prepare himself for what might be the scariest thing in his life. 

Kiroku excitedly explained to the others what happened, and how he was going to talk with Akuta. The other 3 boys cheered for him, with Muneuji asking Kiroku if they should stay nearby if anything goes wrong. He shook his head in disagreement, knowing that everything will go the way it’s meant to be. He assured them it was fine to go home as well, so Nanaki, Ushio and Muneuji left him. As their footsteps got quieter, he ended up pacing around to himself, wondering if his own words were true. 

In one scenario, the confession he had planned goes accordingly, and they end up together. His hanahaki stops, and they both can be happy together. Kiroku has had ideas for their first date stored in his head for a while, and he hopes that they’ll be able to do it together soon. In another scenario, he ends up getting rejected and will have to face the pain of being heartbroken. He’s dwelled on the worst of it too often this past week, trying to get himself out of the negative loop in his head by drawing both of them together, or just of Akuta. He finds that he’s studied his face so much these days, that he’s able to replicate him from memory. The shine in his eyes when he gets a new idea, the adorable smile he has when he compliments his art, the way he’s slowly become his muse over time, all of it he replicated in his sketchbook. Despite Pinfu teasing him more these past few weeks as a result of him wanting to practice his confession, he’s found it really necessary. He’s afraid he’ll trip up on his words, or say something the wrong way, and the words he confessed to him will end up getting skewed. He’s already declared that he’ll confess to him today no matter what, so all he can do is wait with both eagerness and anxiety as he waits for his best friend to arrive. 

It’s no big deal, he thinks to himself. Just, say the words he’s been practicing. Simple. Easy. A piece of cake. Yet if it was, he wouldn’t be pacing in circles right now with all of his nerves scattering. He feels something push up from the back of his throat and looks for a trashcan immediately. He opens the door to an empty classroom, spotting one in a corner nearby the door. Before he can even move though, a cough forced by his body sends petals up from his throat and into his mouth. He kneels and puts his head into the bin, being thankful that both the classroom and the bin are empty. He spits out the petals, not being surprised when more show up. Kiroku has known this feeling before, several times over the past 2 months, and so he should have gotten used to it. In a way he did, knowing when a fit was about to start, but he never knew when it would end. 

He sees the white petals of an orange blossom mixed with his blood and spit and feels ashamed looking at it as if it were telling him, “This is the reason why you’re confessing, nothing more.” He feels his heart clench as he spits up thin, stringy yellow petals with more blood and more parts of the flower. It's disgusting looking at it. He jokes with himself, maybe Akuta will randomly walk in on him coughing up flowers again. At least it’d be nice to see him. The white melts in with the yellow and red in his vision, and then he hears a voice speak to him. 

“You got this Kiroku!” Rouzel cheers.

Dewawa chimes in, “You’ve been practicing it for weeks, you’ll do just FINE.”

“I am sure your feelings will be well communicated, so do not fret over this.” KB reassures.

Pinfu teases, “You’ll be rid of your fee~lings, finally! I didn’t like seeing you all mopey~”

“Maybe afterwards … you’ll finally be able to rest well ssu…” Ripris mentioned.

He feels his heart relax, the coughing not as intense as before. He’ll still have his friends after this, so he won’t be completely alone. He looks at the flowers in the bin mixed with his blood. He notices the touches of green from chopped off stems, and even a few leaves. This confession wasn’t meant to be romantic, right. He still has to remind himself of it. A part of him wishes it was, something nicer where he’d be able to give Akuta a confession that’s fit for a movie. The truth of it is that he wasn’t even sure that he’d like him back. He hopes he does, he really, really hopes so, that’s been the one thing on his mind for weeks. To be able to go on all of those dates he’s dreamed of, to be able to call him his boyfriend, to kiss him … it’s been the one thing that’s all over his sketchbook. If things go right, maybe he could give him the sketchbook? But that’s if things do go right. He’ll put a pin in that thought for later. Ignoring how Pinfu is teasing him about his yearning, he notices that the irritation in his throat has stopped. He swallows and lifts his head up, looking at the flowers in the trash can. This disease, it’s been the worst thing to happen to him. He can’t wait to get rid of it. 

After leaving the classroom, he goes to find a bathroom that’s open and cleans up his face. The blood staining his lips reminds him of that night weeks ago, one where Akuta discovered he had Hanahaki. He’s wanted to forget about the hurt look on his face that night. But now that he’s thinking about it, it did look similar to the one he had a week ago, when he overheard him practicing his confession. His hands balled into a fist thinking about how he was the cause for both of them. Akuta deserved to know the truth, the full truth. He’s talked to him about opening up about his feelings to Day2, but Kiroku can’t do the same. Hypocrite. He finishes cleaning off his face and walks over to the stairwell, taking a seat closer to the railing, anticipating the arrival of his best friend.

Kiroku takes a deep breath in and looks at the index card in his hand. He mutters the words to himself again, as if they were a speech he has to memorize. He wasn’t completely sure what Akuta was giving him, but he did hear from Muneuji that he’s writing a script, so maybe it’s that? He really hopes it is, secretly. He always likes reading Akuta’s scripts, getting a better idea of what goes on inside of his head with each one. The voice notes he sends of his random ideas are charming, and he likes listening to them again when he feels like he’s in an art block. Someday, he’ll have written so many drafts that he’ll finally be able to understand him completely. He wishes for a day like that to arrive sooner and sooner with every thought he has of him.

He begins to practice one more time as he hears someone walk up the stairs. Kiroku sees the familiar face of his best friend etched in worry, but as he walks around the bend it melts away as soon as he sees him. He feels his words get stuck in his throat as Akuta says hello and takes a seat next to him, both of them not saying anything. He wonders how he’s been the past few days. Even though Kiroku tried contacting him, he never responded. And for how long he’s been absent, he’s been concerned if he’s been taking care of himself. He looks over to him, seeing his eye bags darker from when he last saw him. He couldn’t help but ask him a question.

“Have you … been okay?”

“Hm? Yeah! I’ve been doing just fine, it’s just I've been working on my next script!”

“You have been … that’s good.”

“I’ve already finished it, and I wanted to have you read it!” he declares, giving him a thick packet. 

He takes the packet and looks over the cover of the screenplay, “Is this … your next movie idea?”

“You bet! One of the characters is based on you again, so I need the lead actor to make sure the script is top tier!”

“Ah … okay then.”

Kiroku flips to the first page, and begins to read it in his head. A silence gradually formed between them as Kiroku began to read the dialogue between the characters. He can already tell which character is based on him, Bones, but he’s not sure who the other one is yet. As he reads more, he hears Akuta talking about his process on making it. He doesn’t grab too much of it, besides the fact he had written down ideas in a journal and transferred them to the script. Kiroku easily sees the way he hesitates to speak in Bones’ speech pattern as well. As he finished off the next few scenes, he wondered out loud about the genre.

“Is this … a comedy? Or maybe … a slice of life …” He mutters under his breath.

Akuta answers him immediately, “It’s a rom-com.”

“A … romance movie?” 

“Mhm. Thought it’d be … uhhhh … n-never mind, lost my train of thought, keep on reading!”

“Okay … It’s good so far.”

“You think so!?” The boy next to him squeals, his eyes shining like diamonds. Kiroku smiles, nodding his head as he pumps his fist. He takes this small moment in, not seeing him happy like this in a while. The last time he saw him, Akuta had tears in his eyes like the night he told him about his past. He remembers how he struggled to speak to him, trying to deny his feelings for what he thinks is his friend's happiness. He couldn’t get that memory out of his head, how he was responsible for him trying to bottle up his feelings again. But at least now, seeing him so happy … he wishes he could treasure this present moment more. 

He continued to read through the script, asking small questions about setting and cast and how he came up with things. Their conversation was lively, and something they hadn’t had in a while, even before the incident. It was, of course, a rare thing for Akuta to finish a movie, but for him to finish a rom-com movie of all things was even rarer, like finding a fish on land. He knew his aversion to romance movies, usually because of the intimate scenes that would happen, and how easily Akuta would blush over a kiss scene. If it went on for any longer, he’d probably end up getting a nosebleed. He wondered how he found the will to write a rom-com only, not diluting it with any other categories he’s more familiar with.

As he reached one of the very last scenes, he quickly caught on to the fact that his character was in love with the other lead, and that they had mutual feelings for each other. He read about them confessing their feelings for each other in different ways. Of course, his character did a painting of both of them. He muttered under his breath that he should have done that instead. Akuta asked him immediately, curious about what he said. He played it off as wanting to make a painting of Day2 together, and he swore he saw Akuta get a little upset at it. Kiroku noted it in his head and continued on reading. He reads the next line in his head, a stage direction. He only sees a simple line, “They kiss.” He thinks about it for a moment, re-reading the last few lines to get his head on straight. The context didn’t help him much with the realization he had in his head. He felt his face grow warm as he realized what that meant.

“Isotake … if i’m the lead actor again … you want me to–”

“IMEANONLYIFYOU’REFINEWITHIT!!” He spat out, a bright red blush growing on his face as well.

Kiroku asked cautiously, “But … who’s going to be … the other actor?”

Akuta buried his face in his hands, being washed with regret as he mumbled his answer. “Me … most likely … I had, uh, written Cas with me in mind.” Kiroku immediately understood the implications of it, his mind racing with the thought, “HE WANTS US TO KISS!?!?” With his face growing in blush each second, he couldn’t help but have that stick in his head. Akuta wanted both of them to kiss. What the hell does that even mean?! Like, platonically or something? Actors kiss all the time for a movie without being together. Stage kisses happen, of course, but it feels like it’s much more intimate when it’s with them. Well, of course, Kiroku has been having a big fat crush on him for the past 7 months. He’s been already imagining what their first kiss would be like, and he does not intend it to be for a movie … maybe it can be an excuse to practice kissing with him– oh god what’s he even thinking. Focus, he has to focus! 

Akuta exhales, looking away as he explains more of his thoughts. “I guess, you know, after seeing you practice your confession, I had gotten this idea in my head that it probably wouldn’t … be for me. So I, um, wrote this. Just to see … to see how it’d be to … I wanted to picture us together!” He confessed to him, his entire face turning bright red. He felt like his nose was going to have another nosebleed, so he grabbed a tissue from his pocket. Kiroku stood as still as a statue, processing what he just said to him. “You know how I gave The Night Sky’s Love Call a message? I guess I ended up thinking of one for this project while I was writing the ending,” He continued to explain.

“It’s a confession. I wanted to let you know this since it’s true to me but,” his voice trailed off as he muttered loud enough for only both of them to hear, “I … love you. I love you, I really, really, do Kiroku. And–”

Kiroku quickly took his free hand and held it in between his. He looked into his eyes, a shot of confidence coursing through him as he professed.

“--I’ve been in love with you for the past 7 months.” 

Akuta looked at him in surprise, his heart beating so loud he could hear it in his ears. The immense clarity and certainty in his voice, like he knew he wanted this for so long, it made him speechless. He had heard it right this time. That same line that caused him to feel like his heart was splitting in two was mending the halves back together. Kiroku loves him.

Kiroku loves him!

His best friend in the entire world, the master artist, the person he’s in love with, loves him back! It's true! That means he can take him on dates around the different wards, and hold onto his hand, and they could be a couple, together! Both of them! They can still have coffee and hot chocolate together in the morning, and he’ll be able to still see his smile and his laugh! They’ll be able to stay together still, and he won’t have to throw away his feelings, and he’ll be able to reassure them with him! And maybe they can look back on this moment and joke about how dumb they were for not realizing it sooner! Pure, unfiltered joy was swirling around in his head as he began to realize more things, making it break out onto a smile on his face.

“Ah- um … I didn’t plan this far … I mean, I did! But … ” Kiroku awkwardly mumbles. 

“That’s- That’s alright! I didn’t expect the big confession you were planning to be for me anyways!”

“You didn’t?!” 

Akuta blinks at him. “Yeah. It just never really clicked in my head until now that, like, you’d like me back. I thought it was just me who felt this way.”

“I thought … it was just me … who felt this way too! Wait–” Kiroku added on, grabbing something out of his bag to give to him. He handed Akuta a sketchbook, telling him to flip through it. As he opened up to the first page, he felt his face cycle through about 20 different emotions before he settled on awe. It was drawings of him, or of him and Kiroku together, and it was undeniably the work of the person sitting right in front of him.

“While you were gone … I couldn’t stop missing you so … I just …”

“You couldn’t stop missing me?”

“I … yeah. I couldn’t. I want you … to know that.”

“Thats … is that how you see me?”

Kiroku nodded his head in response. Akuta continues staring at a sketch of him smiling, letting his heart swell. He feels overwhelmed with emotions, but in a good way! Like when a movie he’s been really looking forward to is releasing tomorrow, but also different. It feels so much more special since it’s Kiroku. And through the sketchbook he’s given him, it’s really clear that he likes him. … Does Kiroku know that he loves him? I mean, he can just say it, but actions are stronger than words? The idiom goes something like that, but he wants to make it extra clear since it’s true! That’s why he wants to show it to him! Something that's stronger than his script, something more true and honest and– of course, the journal!

“You’re really amazing … Wait, then I’ll give you something else too!” 

“Huh? But … you already gave me … the script?”

“Yeah, but I want to give you more! You also deserve to know how I feel, like how I really, really feel!”

Akuta scrambles to get his bag, giving him his journal. Kiroku takes the book, looking over the decorations of movie equipment and art supplies, a mesh of both of their interests together on the cover. 

“It’s uhm … my inspiration! For the movie! So …” Akuta stumbles out, his voice reducing to a whisper at the end. He looks away as the other boy flips through it, seeing all of the logs of how much he’s loved him. From the first day he bought the book up until a week ago, it’s crammed with all of his unfiltered thoughts, like he extracted it from his head and put it onto the page. He sees out of the corner of his eye as he stops on a page, reading it as he looks back and forth between the book and himself. He feels his ears get even redder, which seems impossible from how read they have been. A silence formed as Kiroku read intently, both of them too shy to speak. He flipped to another section and asked him a question in surprise.

“You had … hanahaki disease as well?” he asks him.

“Oh! Yeah, I did! Well, I still have it. I think? I’m not sure how it’ll go away after this.”

“I heard from Nanamegi … that it won't grow back. It’ll … slowly fade away … with time.”

Akuta replied with a happier tone, “That's great! I got sick of hearing my own cough anyways. And, uh, we can let it fade away … together.”

“Together … I like … the sound of that.”

“Y-Yeah! Me too!!! I’m glad it’s with you! I really am!”

“Akuta …” Kiroku began with. Akuta perked up hearing his first name be called out by his voice. It sounded really nice, he thought, the way it rolled off his tongue. “You don’t have to … prove to me … that you love me … between the script … and your journal … your feelings are clear, okay?”

“I don’t? But, I want to make sure you know it!”

“Then … you’ll have plenty of time … to let me know.” He stated, "There's tomorrow … and the day after that … and even the day … after that one as well.”

“--Oh.” He felt the words he was going to say melt in his mouth as his heart flipped. That was the person he fell in love with. “He is that amazing!” He thought to himself. He smiled as he saw Kiroku put away the journal he gave him, doing the same with the sketchbook. He saw him hesitate on putting the screenplay away though, seeing him pick it up and read it again in his hands. He sees him contemplate on what to say, as he looks at the ground awkwardly as he spits something out.

“From the script … I-I um … ughm … I … I wouldn’t mind doing the kiss scene … ! As long as … it’s with you.” 

Oh. Oh!

Kiroku wanted to kiss him! He didn’t have much time to think about that realization sooner. That's perfectly fine and chill and okay with him. Yep. Like he hadn’t been writing about that feeling for weeks on end. Like he didn’t try to memorize the shape of his lips in the case they’d be against his, with his hands in his hair, and–

“Akuta, you’re bleeding!” Kiroku called out to him, snapping him out of his own dreams. He found the tissue he’d taken out just in case and put it in his nose, cleaning up the blood from his upper lip. 

“You. Kissing me. That sounds like a dream, ahahaha … Can I kiss you right now?”

“Yes! I mean– yeah … that’s– it’s fine!” 

He barely knew where to start. He vaguely remembers the movies he’s seen, but he’s always tried his best to avoid the kiss scenes. Maybe he should’ve paid closer attention, just in case something like this happened. He does his best to stop the nosebleed from ruining his first kiss, hoping more tissue will make it go away. As the bleeding stopped, he looked Kiroku in the eyes as he moved closer to him, leaning in as he cupped a hand around his cheek. It felt warm in his palm, the softness of his face being something he’s wanted to hold onto for a while. Akuta asked him in a hushed tone if this was okay, and Kiroku said it was fine. The gap between them closed little by little until their noses touched. Right, like he’s half-seen in movies. He tilts his head a little before their lips finally meet.

It’s a weird sensation, Akuta found out quickly, a wave of shock moving throughout his entire body giving him goosebumps. His lips were chapped, like he’s imagined, but it’s something he wants, again and again. He feels Kiroku’s hand grab the back of his hair as he sinks into it, both of them not wanting to let go just yet. It was perfect. It was everything he dreamed of, even if it was their first kiss. He couldn’t have asked for more than this. They break away for air, with Akuta grabbing another tissue as he feels another nosebleed start. Kiroku laughed softly as Akuta stumbled over apologies and his honest thoughts about it. He held onto his hand, their fingers interlocking. It felt like a hundred different questions were popping into his head as he realized more things.

“So, does that mean we’re dating?”

“Mhm.”

“Can I call you my boyfriend?”

“Of course.”

“Do we … Does anything have to change?”

“Only if … you want it to change.”

“I don’t want anything to really change besides the fact that you’re my boyfriend and that we can kiss and hold hands now and we can go on dates together.”

“That's still … a big change.”

“But we’ll still be, uhm, doing things like before as well, right? Like the way we can joke with each other and share our awesome ideas and see movies together?

“We can do that every day … if you want.”

“Oh. Okay. That’s good. I’d want that. Do you want it to change?”

“ . . . No. This is just fine.”

“AAAAAAND, FIN!” Akuta proudly announces as he dramatically closes his script. Kiroku goes to grab his hand, taking a bow with him as the small crowd of Kaede, Sakujiro, Muneuji, Nanaki and Ushio applaud them.

“Uuu, that was really heartwarming Akuta!” Kaede says, wiping away a tear from his eye. 

Sakujiro hesitated, “I wasn’t aware that you guys weren’t …” his voice trailing off. Kaede whispers a few things into his ear as his face cycles through different emotions before looking back at him in surprise. After whispering a few more things to each other, he continues, “It’s a very well done story, Isotake. I’m proud of how far your writing abilities have extended.”

“Thanks Karigane!”

“I still can’t believe Idiotake wrote this all in a week, it’s really great.” Ushio compliments.

“Hehe, that’s just the power of love!” He boasts, hugging Kiroku from the side. 

Nanaki asks them, “Speaking of it, how much has your Hanahaki faded away?”

“It’s … better than before … I’m not … coughing up blood anymore …”

“And there’s less flowers on my end!”

“That’s good to hear. I’m not really certified, but I heard it does take more time to fade away the more serious it was.” He adds on. 

“Well … it’s only been two weeks since … We've been together. I’m sure … after another month … it’ll be gone for good.”

“Mhm! And after we’re all better, I’d like to recruit all your help again to make this movie possible!”

“But, this is much longer than your last film.” Muneuji doubts.

“Rome wasn’t built in a week! I’m sure it’ll take a lot of time, but it’ll be worth it since everyone will be able to know how great my boyfriend is!” Akuta says with confidence, Kiroku’s face turning slightly pink at his words. 

“Who’s going to direct the movie if you’re one of the lead actors?” Ushio asks.

“It’d be you!”

“ME???”

“Yep! I’d think you’d be a great director since you were assistant director before!”

Muneuji responded, “I’d be glad to reprise my role once more as well.” Chimes of agreement from the small group as they talked about doing their roles again. Akuta smiled as he leaned into Kiroku’s ear.

“I’m glad I can do this with you.” he whispered to him, soft enough so only they’d hear.

“Me too.” He responded, smiling fondly back at him. 

“Alright,” Akuta leans away and speaks to the audience as Kiroku still looks at him, his heart swelling as he looks back at him for a moment. “Then Isotake Troupe 2.0 is formed!”

“Are there any places you have in mind?” Kaede asks the both of them.

“Maybe … Shodoshima again.” Kiroku suggests.

“Ooo! There was that small island that was a popular spot for couples, right? Maybe we can go there!”

“Anywhere but there.” Nanaki said sternly.

“Alright, alright, me and Kiroku have to think it over together anyways! And there’s still a bunch of time left, so it’ll be fine if we think more about it!

“Yeah …! I want it … to mean a lot … to both of us.”

“I want that too! Aren’t we perfect for each other?” Akuta says, looking over at Kiroku

Kiroku laughs and it feels like Akuta just won a jackpot, “Hehe … we are.”

“ . . . Go get a room.”