Chapter Text
Stage 1: Denial
Sakuya was straight.
Because why wouldn’t he be? He was a playboy, a charismatic charmer out for the ladies’ hearts. It was an image he’d willingly put on and carefully polished way before the start of his idol career, and Sakuya was nothing but image-conscious.
Sakuya had nothing against queer people - hell, he was practically surrounded by them for the whole VS AMBIVALENZ audition and beyond. He was fine with that and he supported his queer friends wholeheartedly; just because he was straight didn’t mean he got to dictate other people’s preferences.
He was straight because he liked women. There, easy as that.
He was straight.
He was straight.
He was-
“Have you been listening to what I have to say, you frivolous lad?” Rey asked, flipping through that silky smooth hair of his. “Or perhaps you have become so entranced by my beauty that you can no longer pay attention?”
…Fuck.
“Hmph. As much as I am flattered by your admiration, I would much rather you pay attention when I converse with you. Now, where was I?”
And he continued on. To what point, Sakuya didn’t know. His ears had already stopped registering the words that came out of his eccentric rival’s mouth, about half of which would be incomprehensible regardless if he’d listened or not. His voice, though, flowed sweet like honey; every rise and fall, every pitch and tone mingled into a symphony. It was deep as an ocean yet calm like a clear summer sky, lulling him into a state of comfort-
A pen to the head brought him back to reality.
“Are you listening?” Rey questioned once more, wiggling said pen in front of his rival’s face. “Do my words mean nothing to you, Charao? Am I wasting my precious breath for a mindless fool who cannot even comprehend the true extent of my knowledge and beauty?”
“Okay, sorry,” Sakuya looked away, embarrassed but equally annoyed at the lecture. “But in my defense, it’s not like you’re that coherent in the first place.”
“Excuse me??”
“Speak like a normal person and maybe I’ll listen.”
Rey gasped, dramatically placing a hand on his chest, “How DARE you?? My tongue is as eloquent as my voice is beautiful. I can move thousands of people with my presence alone, Charao! If anything, your inability to grasp my words says more about your intelligence than any flaw in my verbal articulations!”
Now it was Sakuya’s turn to gasp, because damn it that comeback was really good, “Well, it’s not MY fault I don’t spend my free time reading dictionaries, Bocchan!”
“And it is NO fault of mine that you fail to understand even the most rudimentary of expressions, Charao!”
“It’s not like I don’t understand! It’s just…” Sakuya hesitated. It didn’t take him long to realize that he’d excused himself into a corner, and by the time he did so he found himself trapped in the piercing stare of Kisumi Rey. Silver met magenta as the world seemed to stop for just a second, just so Sakuya could have a better look at the icy blue sheen highlighting his rival’s irises.
“It is what, Charao?”
The aforementioned Charao blinked himself out of his trance again, “I- Well, um, I was- I spaced out, okay??”
“And for what reason?” Rey crossed his arms and narrowed his eyes. The shimmery silver now morphed into one dangerous glint, a look which made Sakuya’s heart jump. Whether it was out of fear or a strange sense of attraction, he wasn’t sure at the time.
Whatever that feeling was sure did mess with his head, for he blurted out this kind of response without any prior thoughts or consideration: “Who wouldn’t be lulled to sleep by that silky smooth voice of yours?”
“How could you, Charao? I am very-” Rey then did a double take, “Pardon?”
Sakuya must have realized it also, eyes widening the moment he fully registered what he’d just said. Fuck, did I say that out loud??
“Sakuya…?”
“Nothing!! It was nothing!!” the XlamV idol immediately turned away. Heat rose up to his cheeks as he shielded them from the incoming gaze, his heartbeat quickened in an instant.
Peeking out from the edge of his fingers, he could see the questioning look on Rey’s face. With eyebrows slightly furrowed and thin, pink lips ever so slightly agape, his rival took on a look of childlike wonder, adorably curious so unlike the regal idol he presented himself to be. Something about the twinkle in his eyes that tugged at Sakuya’s heartstrings, so precious that he couldn’t take his eyes off of.
Bocchan is so cute when he’s confused~
Wait-
“Um, is everything alright-”
“I’M FINE!!” shouted Sakuya, startling his rival. “I’m fine. I’m fine. I’m toooooootally fine. Hehehe…”
He forced out a chuckle, hand awkwardly scratching the back of his head. Rey remained unconvinced, pink glossy lips now curling together into a pout. The sight alone could be enough to make Sakuya explode on the spot.
“Then what did you just-”
“Oh wow look at the time,” Sakuya pointed to the nonexistent watch on his wrist. “I gotta go now. Been nice talking to you!”
“Wait!”
And still he took off, leaving Rey alone and more confused than ever. Sakuya never wanted to resort to this, running away like a damn fool in front of his precious rival. His stupid, beautiful rival, whose silky hair and sultry voice remained clear in his mind long after their conversation was over.
But that wasn’t attraction. He was not and had never been attracted to Rey. Rey was objectively beautiful so it was totally normal for him to feel that way. Who wouldn’t want to stare at those luscious locks and perhaps even feel them flow between their fingers? Those were totally normal thoughts by a normal person, one that respected and admired his rival in a normal amount.
Sakuya was normal, and that meant he was straight.
He was straight.
He was straight.
He was-
__________
Stage 2: Anger
Sakuya couldn’t get him out of his mind.
Kisumi Rey had invaded his every thought. Purple traces and silver glints lingered in the corner of his eyes, persistent and intense. Going to the convenience store? He wondered if Rey had a favorite snack. Passing by a boutique? He saw Rey in place of those fashionably dressed mannequins. Strolling at the park? He imagined Rey with his hair adorned with wildflowers, flowing in the kiss of the soft summer breeze.
Everywhere he went, he thought of Rey. Everything he did, he thought of Rey. Even with the smallest of stimuli that barely had anything to do with his rival, his mind immediately jumped to Rey, Rey, Rey,…
And it was starting to drive him mad.
He was straight so he was supposed to be normal. Rey was nothing but a mere rival to him… Well, more like a rival-but-also-a-constant-companion-who-understood-him-more-than-anyone-else-in-the-world, but that was it! They should be staying strictly platonic at best because there was no way for him to just casually strike up a relationship without risking the inseparable bond made from their rivalry.
And because he was straight, of course.
He knew he couldn’t blame Rey, for it was never the rich guy’s fault that his mind decided to be funny and let him take over in the first place. So instead he took it out on the vegetables he was preparing for a fancy weeknight meal, pounding his knife onto the cutting board with much force.
I wonder if Bocchan has ever tried this-
“STOP IT!!!” Sakuya shouted, hitting the board over and over. It was a miracle that he somehow did not cut into his hand, and even more so when the onion he was dealing with was now diced up to perfection. On any other day he’d proudly pat himself on the back for such a feat, but this time his joy was soon clouded by the ever so persistent purple in the corner of his eye.
“Impressive.”
At least this time the rich guy was actually present and not just a figment of his imagination.
“Thanks…” replied Sakuya wearily. Rey didn’t seem to have noticed the sheer aggressiveness of his rival’s movement; quite frankly he was just amazed by how quick it was.
“Perhaps I shall try doing the same,” the purple-haired spoke with a hum. “It appears that I am stalling us both with my lack of speed.”
“It’s fine, Bocchan. We’re not serving anyone else here.” Because yes, this was a private dinner between the two of them. It wasn’t unusual for two very close rivals to prepare and enjoy dinner together, even if it was initiated by one party wanting to learn how to make a hearty meal and refusing to come to their butler for help first.
Still, Rey redirected his attention, his gaze razor sharp as he drew in a breath. Here comes the focused face, thought Sakuya - totally normal of him to notice such. Recounting each and every movement made by his talented rival, Rey chopped along the length of a carrot at lightning speed. His knife work was swift yet precise, with each cut came a straight line evenly spaced from one another. Sakuya watched with both eyebrows raised to his forehead; while he had never been one to underestimate his rival, having excellent skills with a knife was the last thing he expected from a pampered rich guy.
Could it be that Rey had been practicing lately? It was already impressive that he could even be entrusted with a sharp kitchen tool in the first place, but to think that he was now skilled enough to potentially match Sakuya within a year? It must have taken a whole lot of effort - one that, quite frankly, might be better suited going towards his family business.
Could it be that… Rey had been practicing specifically for him?
“Ah,” the purple-haired paused suddenly, “it appears I have cut myself.”
He raised his left index finger in the air, perfectly at eye level to see crimson spreading just below the tip. Only then did the reality of the situation hit both the men present.
“AHHHHHH, I AM BLEEDING!!! Dear the heavens! I am not ready to die! The world has yet to prepare for the loss of my beauty!! Oh, what shall I do?? It is not my time to abandon this life just-”
“B- Bocchan! Hey!” Sakuya called out, only for Rey to not hear him and continue to flail about helplessly. He soon had the wits to grab hold of the shaking rich guy’s shoulder, forcing that silvery gaze upon his calm magenta as he yelled: “Bocchan! BOCCHAN! CALM DOWN!!”
Rey immediately went quiet, staring wide-eyed at his rival. It was rare to see him so dumbfounded and confused, so unlike the elegant idol that was presented on stage. Sakuya would’ve taken a snapshot of that face right now if not for the seemingly dire circumstances.
Regardless, he reined himself in just as the rich guy’s panic began to resurface, “First things first: use your thumb to press on the cut!”
“But the blood!”
“You wanna bleed to death?”
The blatantly false threat was somehow scary enough for Rey to comply. He winced, thin lips folding together into a pout. Sakuya quickly reached for the first aid kit in a nearby cabinet (he’d had the whole kitchen memorized from the frequent dinners at Rey’s place, which was a totally normal thing to do with one’s rival) and pulled out all its content. Cotton pads, gauze, medical tape. Everything he needed was there.
“Alright,” Sakuya turned to his rival, who was still pouting like a small child, “now we rinse the cut on the sink.”
Rey gasped, visibly taken aback, “And let the filthy tap water go into my flesh? How could you??”
“Either that or you let bacteria in instead,” replied Sakuya bluntly. “Which one is it, then?”
He didn’t wait for the rich guy’s response, he just grabbed his hand and ran it under the sink water. Rey sucked in a breath through his teeth, eyes sewn shut as though every inch of his body burned. Once the red had been washed off and flowed down the drain, Sakuya held Rey’s hand in his own and began dressing the wound: first lay a cotton pad, then wrapped a layer of gauze, and finally all was secured by a round of medical tape.
One would’ve thought that a simple adhesive bandage should be enough to do the job, but Sakuya - with his extensive experience in the kitchen - could immediately tell that the cut was deeper than it seemed. A simple grazing of the skin should not produce one whole drop of blood right at the first second, and considering how much force Rey had used on his failed attempt at imitating his rival, it was a miracle the knife had not sliced clean through his finger at all. In a way, the guy had the right to fear for his life.
“Stupid, stupid Bocchan,” Sakuya cursed under his breath. “Why do you do this to yourself? Where’s your common sense? Didn’t your parents or butler teach you not to play with knives??”
“I… I thought I could try doing what you did,” Rey answered quietly. “You made it look so simple.”
“Yeah, because I’ve been doing this my whole life,” Sakuya replied with much bite. “You, on the other hand, have little to no experience. I’d rather you just stick your pretty face out of this-”
Sakuya looked up just before the last syllable left his mouth, then his voice immediately faltered. In front of him was no longer a confident, boisterous young master he came to appreciate as a rival. Rather, before him was a man with a thousand regrets, whose sorrowful gaze went deep as the ocean and mournful as the starless night. Sakuya felt a lump in his throat, unable to peel his eyes away even as the sight pierced straight into his heart and cut it into a million pieces.
Guilt swallowed him up in an instant, the clouding anger in his mind parting to make way for remorse. While it was indeed foolish of Rey to disregard knife safety just for a showboating trick, he did not deserve getting the brunt of Sakuya’s lashings like that. Really, his anger had always been directed at himself, if not for his stupid feelings then for his inability to take precautions around his rival. And yet…
“My apologies,” Rey spoke quietly, not daring to look into his rival’s eyes. “I never realized how much I have troubled you. If it is your wish to see me gone, then I shall-”
“No, don’t say that,” Sakuya sighed with a pang of guilt in his heart. “I’m sorry, Bocchan. I didn’t mean to snap. You were trying to help and I shouldn’t have been so irritable.”
“What seems to be the trouble, Sakuya?”
The magenta-haired felt his breath hitch. There was something about the way Rey said his real name that sent a chill down his spine, especially with that low, sultry voice of his. “N- Nothing. It’s nothing.”
“Are you sure it is nothing?”
“Yeah, yeah, I’m sure,” he waved a hand in front of his face. “I guess I was just worried about you.”
They both went quiet. Neither knew what to say, perhaps still too packed with guilt to even start. Sakuya wondered if he’d ruined their dinner, which would just add yet another layer of shame to his already jumbled mind. Focusing his gaze on Rey’s hand against his own, just so he wouldn’t spiral any more than he already did, he came to notice how soft and dainty it was. His thumb brushed gently against the bandage on the other’s finger, pondering if they’d ever compared their hand sizes before. Maybe Rey’s hand would be slightly larger than his own, but it would also be so much more delicate and supple.
“Charao.”
“Hm?” The call of his nickname alone snapped Sakuya out of his thoughts. He really hoped the guy hadn’t noticed how he’d been staring at his hand…
“If you truly have been concerned for my well-being,” Rey continued, still somewhat timid, “may I ask you a favor?”
“Sure thing!” replied Sakuya enthusiastically. Anything to make up for how I treated him. “How can I help?”
“Now that you have bandaged my wound, could you kiss it better?”
And then his heart dropped straight to his stomach, “…What?”
“Could you give it a kiss? It might help-”
“NO! Why would I do that?!” Sakuya immediately let go of the rich guy’s hand. He turned away, heat rising up all the way to his ears, “How the hell does that help??”
“Well, doesn’t kissing make it heal faster?” Rey stated matter-of-factly; he seemed to be more confused with Sakuya’s reaction than the suggested act itself. “What is so wrong about that?”
The question shook his rival to the core, “Wha- I- Well- It’s weird, okay???”
“How so? I do not see a problem with-”
“AUGHHHHH!!”
Sakuya covered his face and stormed off. He couldn’t do this, couldn’t dare take another look at his beautifully clueless rival. There was nothing normal about kissing another man’s hand and, as stated, Sakuya was normal. Even when the deepest part of his subconscious had actually wanted to try doing so.
But he squashed that part down for now, because he was straight and he was normal. Rey was a rival and nothing more.
“Hey, come back! What is the matter?” Rey called out, to which he received no response. “Moriya does that all the time! What is so wrong??”
And with that, Rey was alone in the kitchen, left to stare blankly at a vigorously bubbling pot while holding the bandaged finger in the palm of his hand.
“Charao, what does burning smell like?”
__________
Stage 3: Bargaining
“Is Rey okay?”
“Are you asking about this?” Rey showed off his left index finger, now wrapped with a simple band-aid. “That, my friend, was a result of an unfortunate accident.”
“Accident??” exclaimed Cuc, genuine concern washed all over his face. “Is Rey hurt??”
“Not for now, at least. But it did leave quite a mess,” Rey recounted. “A single slice of the blade and a pool of crimson stained all over my beautiful hand. For a second I thought my soul would be leaving this Earth never to return.”
Cuc widened his eyes, following along with much wonder. Meanwhile, a certain idol at the back of the studio couldn’t be any less impressed.
“But alas, I pulled through,” the illuvista leader proclaimed dramatically, to which his teammate gasped in awe. “Over years’ worth of trials and tribulations, I have developed the resilience necessary to survive in this cruel world. And now that victory is mine, I shall continue my journey to spread beauty across the globe!”
“It’s just a cut,” Sakuya, watching from afar, rolled his eyes. “So dramatic.”
“I’m glad he’s okay, at least,” said Cion next to him.
“Stupid, stupid Bocchan,” the XlamV idol muttered under his breath, forgetting that he was still within hearing range of an illuvista member. And calm as he was, Cion couldn’t help a small frown at the remark.
“Don’t be so harsh on him. Shouldn’t kitchen accidents be normal?”
“I- I know!”
Sakuya turned away, feeling the embarrassment creeping up. Sensing the watchful eyes of the younger idol in his peripheral vision did not help matters, either; the boy could be thinking up a million ways to judge him already.
Truth be told, Sakuya didn’t know why he was bothered. Yes, kitchen accidents were normal, even someone so proficient like him had to go through some every once in a while. And yet, the thought of Rey hurting himself hurt him also. That protectiveness naturally turned into worry, then that worry mistranslated into anger in the heat of the moment. Just like how overprotective partners act around each other in the romance movies he’d watched.
Wait-
“Sakuya,” Cion’s voice snapped him back to reality. Startled him, even, “may I ask what happened?”
“Ah,” Sakuya scratched the back of his neck, his voice small, “we made dinner together yesterday and, well, I kinda did a knife trick in front of Bocchan.” That’ll be easier to explain than ‘chopped up vegetables really fast because of my weird feelings’. “He found it impressive so he wanted to try, too. And you know how well that goes.”
“Oh,” Cion hummed. Something in him seemed to click just a second later, “You guys have dinners together?”
“Why is that the only part you paid attention to?”
“No, I heard you! It’s just…” the green-haired held back a chuckle, “I just find it interesting.”
“It’s just a friendly dinner with a rival! What’s so wrong with that??” Sakuya then pointed an accusatory finger, “Don’t you and Jintaro-kun do the same, too?”
“Yeah, because we’re dating.”
Sakuya immediately went quiet.
“How often do you guys have those dinners together?” asked Cion, his tone teasing.
“Th- That’s none of your business!”
“Jintaro and I eat out once a month. More if it’s a special occasion,” the illuvista idol spoke in a singsong voice, a dreamy smile bloomed on his face at the mere thought of his rival-turned-boyfriend. “Your dinners with Rey sound like a common occurrence.”
Sakuya gulped. He didn’t have time to refute before Cion dished out the final blow.
“Are you guys happen to be-”
“No, Bocchan and I are NOT a thing!!”
The whole room went still, even Cion himself seemed taken aback. It didn’t take him long to realize that he wasn’t alone in the studio, not when it was booked for illuvista for the whole day.
“Sakuya okay?”
“What is the matter, Charao?”
The latter deep, silky voice shook him to his core. His mind blanked, his heart stopped on its tracks. By this point there was no way to get out of this situation other than dropping dead on the spot.
“Ah, I was just asking if you and Sakuya are-”
“NOTHING! IT WAS NOTHING!!” the magenta-haired butted in. He quickly wrapped his arm around the younger idol, strong and sudden enough to startle the boy, before brushing his rival off, “Hehe, Cion-kun and I are just chatting. Nothing to do with you, by the way! I’m just gonna borrow him for a sec.”
With that, he dragged poor Cion away from his own team, even before his leader had a say in it. Judging by the lack of footsteps tailing behind, however, it seemed like they hadn’t had a use for him just yet.
Sakuya led them both far and away from the dance studio, finally stopping at the end of the hallway in an entirely different corner of the floor. Even well outside the hearing range of Rey and Cuc, he kept his yells to barely above a whisper.
“I’m not dating Bocchan, okay? I mean, sure, we happen to be very close and- yeah, I do find him incredibly attractive but so does everybody else!! Whatever it is you’re assuming is not true!”
“That’s… not what I was asking,” Cion replied simply, to which Sakuya felt his heart drop. “But now that you mention it…”
Sakuya let out a screech, head in his hands as the pain of embarrassment consumed him. The question of whether Cion had said that solely to mess with him or not had never once crossed his mind.
“Ah, so you’re going through it, too,” the boy hummed, trying his best to hold back a giggle. “It’s okay, Sakuya. You’ll come around to it eventually.”
“Huh?”
“When I first found out I was in love with Jintaro, I didn’t want to believe it. But as I reflect more on it, I realized-”
“No, no,” muttered Sakuya, tightening the grip on his hair, “I can’t be in love with Bocchan.”
“Why not?”
He looked up to face Cion, near tears, “I’m straight.”
Cion, in response, only gave him a blank stare, “Are you sure about that?”
“Of course I am! Why would I not be??” Sakuya panted. “I- I’m a playboy! I like women! I’m normal!”
“Well, you can be all of those things and not be straight.”
“How is that possible??”
“Sakuya,” Cion fixed his glasses, lenses reflecting a glint of morning light, “have you ever heard of bisexuality?”
“Bi- what?” It took Sakuya half a second to register, “Oh! Bisexual? Yeah, um, I’ve heard of that…”
“Do you know what it means?”
“Is it the one where you like two genders?”
“More than one gender, technically. That includes men, women, and everything in between.”
Sakuya nodded slowly, “Okay. What about it?”
“Have you ever considered that you might be bisexual?”
The magenta-haired felt his heart drop. No, he couldn’t have heard it right…
“Wh- What do you mean?”
“You like women, and from what I observe you also like Rey. Rey isn’t a woman, so that means you like more than one gender. That makes you bisexual.”
Sakuya’s grip on his hair tightened, threatening to tear it apart. His breathing turned quick and shallow, not helped by the lump forming the back of his throat. Being an adult meant that he should’ve been used to uncertainties and unexpected outcomes of life, but none had ever shaken him to the core like now.
It seemed like Cion could sense that distress, too, “Sorry, I’m not trying to force any label on you. I was just making conclusions based on my observations, but you’re free to identify however you want to be.”
“No, no, it’s not your fault,” Sakuya sucked in a breath, his vision stabilizing bit by bit, “I just… I- I’m straight…”
“Then that means you identify as straight. It’s okay.”
“No, like… I can’t be bisexual, can I? I’ve liked women my whole life!”
“You’re also attracted to Rey.”
“That is ONE man!”
“That still counts,” replied Cion, calm against the older idol’s panic. And of course that just made things worse for Sakuya.
“Arghhhh, it can’t be! This can’t be happening!” He bent over, head still in hands. Magenta eyes then glimmered, however, not with tears but with hope as a loophole crossed his mind, “Ah, maybe I’m attracted to Bocchan because he looks like a woman! Yeah! So that means I’ve always liked women and that makes me straight!”
Cion blinked - once, then twice - before sighing, “Well, how do I explain this?”
Sakuya thought he’d cornered the boy, that this would be enough to end the conversation right then and there and pretend nothing had ever happened. But as always, Cion was two steps ahead.
“Imagine Rey with short hair,” the illuvista idol continued, much to his senior’s confusion, “Any hairstyle is fine, as long as he clearly reads as a man. What are your thoughts on that?”
That… was something he’d never thought of. It had never occurred as a legitimate concept to him, let alone a plausible scenario that could happen at any point in time. To him, Rey’s long hair had always been part of his character, an integral aspect that, if removed, would render his entire being unrecognizable.
“Short hair, huh?” Sakuya hummed, trying (and somewhat struggling) to form an image in mind. “Well it can’t be too short ‘cause that won’t look good with his face shape. A layered cut, perhaps? Or maybe even a wolf cut that reaches his collarbone?”
The pieces slowly came together, gaining more and more clarity. Sakuya thought it all out loud, “Short hair would show more of his jawline, or at least makes it stand out more. It’d make him look more masculine but not, like, ‘manly’, you know? I mean, he doesn’t need to look manly to be handsome; plenty of men have soft features but still look attractive. Having short hair would make him look… sharper? More open? His eyes would be more prominent without a whole curtain of hair behind them and, oh, it’ll make it really hard to resist those silvery gaze-”
Cion gave him a pointed look. And that was when the realization finally hit.
“Oh…”
“Seems like you’d still find him attractive.”
“Oh, no…”
“So appearance wasn’t a major factor.”
“No no no no.”
“That means-”
Sakuya hid his face behind his hands, his wails muffled through his fingers. He couldn’t believe it. He didn’t want to believe it. He’d fought his whole life to craft as perfect of an image as he could, and yet…
“Once again, I won’t force any labels on you,” said Cion evenly, giving his senior a sympathetic look. “Your identity is ultimately your own decision so feel free to go with whatever you want. But this is also something you can use to reflect on.”
True to those words, Sakuya reflected. From the moment Cion left him alone, to his trip to the convenience store, to the final hours of the day when he was lying in bed, he thought long and hard about it. There was no way he was actually in love with Rey. There was no way his attraction to Rey was anything more than conventional opinion. There was no way he wasn’t straight; he was supposed to be normal!
He searched left and right for an answer, website after website, discussion board after discussion board. He made his case as specific as possible, wanting so badly to be merely an exception and not part of the rule.
“Am I a straight man if I’m attracted to women and only one man?”
“Am I a straight man if I’ve only liked one man recently and have never liked men before?”
“Am I a straight man if I’ve only liked one man who looks like a woman?”
All these questions had a single answer to them, and one that Sakuya did not want to hear.
“No, attraction to more than one gender indicates bisexuality. You can prefer one gender over another and still be bisexual.”
He even scored a 49% on one of those crappy ‘Am I gay?’ quizzes!
He stared at the ceiling. It was way too late into the night, when the street light shining through his curtain was the only light source there was. He couldn’t sleep, not with a world-shattering revelation plaguing his mind. It was at this moment that he realized he could no longer hide from it, not when someone else had been able to see through him, not when all the evidence presented led to the same conclusion.
Not when the velvety purple and silvery gaze took over his mind again.
He was attracted to his rival. That he had to accept, because there was no way he was this obsessed otherwise. It wasn’t Rey’s fault that his beauty was out of this world, or that his confidence came from reflection and never arrogance, or that his eloquent tongue yet less than stellar common sense made for oh so entertaining banters. It was entirely Sakuya’s fault for finding those traits attractive and endearing, falling so hard that there was no getting back up now.
But… that would also mean he was not straight, and that he could not accept. He was supposed to be normal! He was supposed to be a playboy out for the ladies’ hearts! Yet every time he closed his eyes and thought of an ideal partner, he only saw… Rey.
His mind repeated the same sentence over and over, hoping to fall asleep with that ingrained in mind.
I am straight. I am straight. I am-