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Padme had long ago accepted she would never get a proper triad-marriage in her life.
There are two reasons behind that knowledge.
The first was an unavoidable result of the very nature of her relationship. It is hard to actively be on the market for a third when you cannot let anyone know that you are in a primer relationship in the first place. Almost impossible in fact. As far as everyone was, and should be, concerned, Padme Amidala was single and Anakin Skywalker was a proper Jedi with no attachments. Sure, she could go out and date but it was hardly the right way to explore a potential third person for their relationship. Not to mention there was always the chance that once that third found out about who the other party to the relationship was they could back out and then ruin everything.
The second reason was Anakin, or more specifically, his personality. There was a possessiveness about him that she feared would be disastrous to any attempt at maintaining a relationship that included another. He was bad enough when he had to deal with the relationships she had in the past before reuniting with him. She did not want to think about what he’d be like if he had to share her in the present. Especially not with how rarely they saw each other. If the hypothetical third had a schedule better suited to her own the jealousy and fear could consume Anakin whole and she would lose everything. Both what she already had and the possibility of ever having more.
Padme knew it was probably for the best that they didn’t try and find a third. Or at least, the best thing for now. Maybe after the war, once everything had settled down and they had decided what to do about their relationship in the long run they could think about it. For now though, it simply wasn’t a possibility.
Still, it hurt sometimes. Hurt to watch trios walking down the streets together and knowing she would likely never have that. However, it was a hurt that she was familiar with and had learnt how to deal with. A missing part of her life that she had come to peace with.
She knew it was an unspoken hole in their relationship that they both seemed content to ignore. Just another thing neither of them spoke about. She wondered if Anakin cared, or if he really didn’t see it as a potential problem. Wondered if he honestly thought that they could build and maintain a relationship based on two. She didn’t want to bring it up. Didn’t want to be the one to begin a conversation about a subject that surely would end in an argument during the rare moments they got to spend together.
She almost wasn’t able to process it when he was the one to bring it up.
“I mean if you don’t want to that’s okay as well. I just thought you would but if you want to just keep it as us I’m totally okay with it as well. I mean I’m more then okay with it. I love you and am so lucky to have you.”
“No. No it’s not that I don’t… you just surprised me, that’s all. I didn’t think you’d want a third.”
“Why not?” He looked hurt and confused (like a sulking child) and Padme wanted to laugh at his expression. She didn’t though. This was an important conversation and she feared she would only have one opportunity to have it.
The true answer to the question was that Padme didn’t think him capable of sharing, but she knew saying so would turn it into an argument about his jealous tendencies. If that happened she knew the topic would likely never be raised by either of them again. So instead she went with a different approach. “I just didn’t think you would want to risk our relationship being found out.” Anakin would end up in a greater amount of trouble if they were found out. He would be forced from the Jedi order and unable to continue helping people the way he wanted to. She probably would only receive a slap on the wrist in comparison. Jedi were forbidden to marry (and even though their relationship was not technically a true marriage, primer couples were close enough to be forbidden as well within the Order). Senators were not.
“I know there will be a risk involved, but I think I want this enough to be willing to try.”
“Is thinking you want this really enough to gamble everything?” Even though she wanted it too she couldn’t, wouldn’t, let him gamble their whole relationship on a fleeting want. Not after all the care they had taken in keeping it quiet from everyone, including those they trusted most.
Anakin honestly seemed to contemplate what she had said. To actually think through what he was doing instead of just going through with whatever first thought came to his mind. He was serious about it.
“I’ve been thinking over it for a while, and, yeah, it’s a pretty big gamble, but I think I, no, I do. I want this and I think you do too. I think it’s worth it.”
“Okay.”
“Are you sure? If you don’t think it’s worth it just forget I said anything.”
“Ani. You’re right. I do want this, but I also know it’s a big step. We’ll have to be careful, but if you want to then okay. Let’s do it.”
“Are you sure?”
“Yes. I’m sure.”
“Thank you!” He pulled her into a tight hug, pressing kiss after kiss on her face and neck. Any thoughts of him being unsure about it, of him wanting this because he believed she wanted what society told them was normal, were removed from her mind.
“You have to promise me something though, if we do this. Ani, I need you to give me your word.”
“On what?”
“You won’t get jealous. Please Ani, I cannot bear to have our relationship fail because of jealousy.”
He sobered at the request and she half feared he would argue the point. Would argue that he was not jealous or possessive and have the whole conversation fall apart to that. “Okay. You have to promise me the same thing.”
“Of course.” She didn’t understand though. There was no reason to fear her jealousy. She had never expressed any possessiveness over him when it came to potential or past lovers. Not unless. “You already have someone in mind.”
Anakin nodded and pulled away from her. He shrunk in on himself, ducking his head into the collar of his robes. She tried to think through everyone they knew. Tried to figure out who it could be that would have him afraid that she would be jealous. She couldn’t think of anyone.
“Ani, who? Please, just tell me.”
He muttered his answer into the collar of his robes and she couldn’t help but be reminded of the same nervous habit he had when they first met again as adults. She walked over to him and gently tugged his arms so they rested on her hips, allowing her to lean into him. “Come on. Tell me.”
“Obi Wan,” he said and watched her for her reaction.
“Obi Wan? Oh.” She wasn’t completely against the idea, but she understood how Anakin could fear her jealous. It wouldn’t be Anakin left out of spending time with their third because of conflicting schedules but Padme. Plus, he did have the longer history with the man.
“Look, just forget I said anything, okay? It doesn’t matter. It was just a silly idea, but I can tell you don’t want to.” He tried to pull away from her, but she was quick to reach out and grab hold of his hands.
“Ani, no. It just surprised me. I would have reacted the same no matter who you suggested.”
“So you’re okay with him joining us?” Anakin asked, excited hope creeping into his voice.
“I… I need to think about it. Not because I’m against the idea. It’s just that it’ll be a change in our relationship, and we need to seriously think if he would be a good fit. As well as some other stuff.” Keeping a relationship with one Jedi secret was hard enough, but two? People would be quick to assume them intimate if they saw the three of them together. Society programmed them all to assume any group of three people standing close enough were in a relationship.
Anakin deflated a bit at her response. “Right, yeah, you’re probably right.”
“Ani-“ Padme went to reassure him that it wasn’t a hard no, and it wasn’t her trying to stall either, but his comm beat her words.
He answered it, and Ahsoka’s voice echoed through asking her master where he was and informing him that he was needed back. “You still haven’t debriefed yet. We arrived and you just vanished.”
Anakin apologised to his padawan and turned the comm off. He turned his attention back to Padme but couldn’t seem to find what he wanted to say.
“Go on. Go back before they send someone out to come find you.” Like Obi Wan, who neither of them would be able to act naturally around after the conversation they just had about him. “I’ll think about it, and as long as you haven’t been sent off on another mission in the meantime, we can talk tomorrow.”
“Right. Tomorrow.”
“I’ll see you then,” Padme said as she followed Anakin to the door.
“Yeah.” He stopped before leaving and pulled her into a kiss. “I love you.”
“I know Ani. I love you too.”
He seemed satisfied with that, and, with a nod, left to return to the temple and the part of his life that wasn’t forced into secrecy.
There was paperwork for Padme to do, things she had been working on before Anakin had showed up, but she already knew she would struggle to focus on it. Instead, she poured herself a glass of water, sat down, and tried to process both what had happened and what needed to happen next.
Anakin wanted to bring Obi Wan into their relationship. He wanted to bring Obi Wan in as their third.
She wasn’t completely against the idea, even after some contemplation. Obi Wan was certainly an attractive man, always had been. When she had first met him she had quickly developed a childish crush on him. It would have been almost impossible not to. He had been an attractive, older, foreign boy who swept into her life during a chaotic moment with the intent to protect and help her. The fact he was a Jedi just made it forbidden and all the more tempting. Many nights both during and after his visit had been spent by her and her handmaidens giggling about him. “Knowing our luck he can probably sing as well,” Saché had said during one of the gossip sessions and they had all agreed that he was so ‘ridiculously perfect’ that he probably could.
She had matured in the years between that meeting and the next one and had left the crush behind as a girlish fantasy, although she did wish she could have sent a picture of bearded Obi Wan back to the younger version of herself because it really did suit him. Not to mention that Anakin had turned from a cute child into an attractive young man. After that she had never really thought about Obi Wan in those terms again.
She had never told Anakin about it. He knew she had people in her past, both individuals and primer couples looking for a potential third, and he handled it with varying degrees of acceptance. Obi Wan was different though, too tired up with Anakin’s life for them to be able to laugh it off together. Especially not after all the times he had complained to Padme about the fact people tended to be fond of his ex-master.
She had thought his annoyance was because of all the attention given to Obi Wan over him. Annoyance at the fact that Obi Wan’s charm, good looks, and natural charisma meant a lot of people favoured his company over Anakin’s often abrasive attitude.
“The worst bit is he encourages it,” Anakin had complained to her one day. Now the words seemed to have a different meaning to her. Obi Wan had held a reputation as promiscuous before Anakin was put in his care. She would know – during her crush she had searched out articles on it to fuel the daydreams. After Anakin the stories stopped. Most media just considered it the natural progression for a Jedi. Obi Wan was now a master and had additional responsibilities, and as such had abandoned his teenaged escapades. Anakin was probably used to being the centre of his Master’s attention, it made too much sense that he would be jealous at those who tried to take it from him.
Maybe it wasn’t a good idea to bring Obi Wan into their relationship. She probably shouldn’t encourage Anakin’s obsession with those he met as a child. It would be healthier for them both to try and find a third who had few ties to either of them.
On the other hand whoever joined them would need to know how to deal with Anakin, both in his best and worst moods. If anyone knew Anakin Skywalker at all his extremes and how best to handle them it was Obi Wan Kenobi.
So there were pros and cons to bringing Obi Wan into their relationship as a third, but Padme knew that would be the way no matter who the suggested third was. If she had stopped to think before getting together with Anakin, she would have been able to build two lists then as well. She had but briefly - their items consisted entirely of ‘it’ll risk his position as a Jedi’ and ‘we want this’. Really, it wasn’t the way to decide. There was no formula that would predict if a relationship would succeed or not. One just had to decide if it was worth trying and hope everything didn’t fall apart.
She just had to decide if it was worth the risk.
The war was kind enough to not need Anakin’s immediate attention, and he was still on the planet the next day. Padme was aware that it was perhaps not actually the best thing. Maybe it would be better for him to be sent away and they both be given more time to think about it. She still had promised that they would talk about it if he was still on the planet, so she would give him the answer as clear as it was in her mind.
He greeted her at her apartment with a strong hug and just as strong a kiss. “Missed you.”
“Anakin, it’s only been a day.”
“So? I miss you whenever we’re parted.”
Padme hummed and pulled away but left her hand in Anakin’s grip when he reached to grab it. “Dinner’s ready whenever we want to heat it up.”
“And we’re ‘talking’ before or after it?” Anakin asked. She wondered if he would read anything in her answer.
“Before.” She walked into the main living room of the house, and Anakin trailed after her, not breaking his hand away from hers until she sat down on the lounge and indicated for him to sit across from her.
“So, you thought about it?” There was a nervous energy about him, and Padme could tell he was struggling to sit still. He was trying to look like he was serious about it instead of desperately hoping for her consent to the matter.
“Yes I have.”
“And?”
“And I am willing to try.” Anakin lit up at her response, but she held her hand up, stopping him from letting the excitement take over and sweep them both up. She had given him an answer, but there was still a lot to talk over.
“Anakin, we have to be sure not just about ourselves but Obi Wan as well. You might be willing to go behind the Order’s back to be with me, but he might not be.” Obi Wan had actually been raised by the Order. He had been ingrained with their ideals from a young age. His life had been defined by them. Anakin had spent his childhood outside the Order. Spent his childhood with a mother. It made sense that he would crave a family. That he would be okay with lying in order to have one. There was little evidence that Obi Wan would be the same.
“He’s lied to them before with Satine.”
Padme remembered her: the Duchess of Mandalore. She had respected her, and while the two had disagreed on points, in a different life she could have seen them becoming friends. She had suspected there was something between Obi Wan and the Duchess but had written it off as her reading too much into their relationship. Now Anakin was implying it to be true, and it certainly shed different light on their interactions.
“He certainly has good taste then,” she said, partly because it was true and partly to see what Anakin’s reaction would be. She wanted to see how he dealt with the idea of Obi Wan with another. To try and determine how much of a threat to the relationship his jealousy really was.
“Yeah, well, that was before he met me. It’s in the past, and I’m pretty sure it’s gonna stay there.” An ex that would remain an ex, at least that explained why Anakin didn’t seem to hate the Duchess. He probably enjoyed ruffling his ex-Master’s feathers with it. “But he was serious about her back then. He would have left the order for her. He told her when… that doesn’t matter. I heard him tell her.”
There was another point. One that he was running through his head, contemplating whether or not it would help or hinder his argument.
“Who else? Ani, there’s someone else isn’t there?”
“Yeah. Me. When I was younger at least, and I don’t know, maybe even now. I mean, I hope even now, but I know he would have when he was first given me to train.”
“How do you know?” She wondered if he had actual evidence or if it was the memory of his childhood self superimposing his mother’s loyalty onto his Master, twisted over time into something he considered the factual truth.
“He was arguing with Mace… well, Master Windu. Maybe he was talking strongly with him, I don’t know, I only really caught a little of it. But he said that, if the Order hadn’t let him train me when everything happened, he would have left and trained me anyway.”
She understood why he was unsure about sharing it. On one hand it proved Obi Wan was at least one time had been loyal to Anakin over the Order. On the other hand it was a reminder of where their relationship had started, as teacher and student, and maybe they shouldn’t try to cross that line.
There was a third side of it as well, the one Anakin himself probably didn’t even realise. He knew that Obi Wan was (even at one point) more loyal to him then his lifelong loyalty to the Order. Had evidence that, if forced, there was a chance he would be chosen over the other most important part of Obi Wan’s life. It was something Padme had never given him. She had always made sure that she was never in the position to have to choose between Anakin and the Republic. To never be in the position where she would be forced to express an answer that even she herself did not know.
“Okay,” she said, not wanting to let the silence drag on.
“So can we?”
“I guess, but Anakin we don’t know if he will want to be with us even if he won’t tell. He might be willing to leave the Order to protect you, but that does not mean he wants to be in a relationship with you, or me for that matter. He just might not be attracted to us like that.”
“I don’t see how anyone couldn’t be attracted to you,” Anakin said, leaning over to kiss her and she laughed but allowed it and didn’t argue back. She tried not to think about the fact he didn’t mention the possibility of Obi Wan not being attracted to him.
“Anakin, just don’t rush into this, okay? Give him time. Give me a chance to date him by myself and with you. I did skip that step with you, and as much as I love you and I love what we have, I do wish we had drawn it out a little more.” It was the truth, she often wished she had let their relationship move more slowly. Not because she regretting getting together with him but because she did actually enjoy dating and wished she had gotten the chance to experience it with Anakin. Of course, it also had the benefit of stopping him from completely overwhelming Obi Wan with his usual all-or-nothing mentality and cringe-worthy seduction tactics.
Anakin deflated but agreed, and Padme made a mental note to tell Obi Wan, if they succeeded in getting him to join them, of what she had just saved him from.
Anakin quickly recovered from his slump. “So, what do you plan on doing with Obi Wan on your dates?”
Of course he must know. She knew when she agreed that he would want to be a fly on the wall for any interaction between her and Obi Wan.
“Dinner, Anakin.”
“Oh. Wait, do you mean take Obi Wan out to dinner, or we should have dinner now?”
“Both.” She walked to the kitchen, and he followed behind. “What about you? What do you plan on doing with Obi Wan when I’m not around?”
There was a double meaning given to the words by her pronunciation, and Anakin caught what she was implying. He blushed then grinned, and she was sure there were some interesting going through his head. There certainly were within hers.
“I don’t know. Probably somewhere on a mission. It’d be weird if I suddenly started taking him out to places. He’d be suspicious, and you want to take it slow. And about the other thing… probably not, I mean, hopefully, I mean, would it be okay?”
“Is what okay?” She put on the innocent front to see him blush and stammer about it.
“Me sleeping with him without you there?”
“Not right away but, yes, eventually it would be okay.” She was tempted to add so long as they recorded it for her to watch, but she knew better then to put the idea into Anakin’s mind. “As long as it is okay for he and I to sleep together when you’re not around.”
That stopped him for a moment, which was exactly what she was worried about. Anakin being all for the idea of both of them being in a relationship with him but less comfortable with them having a relationship with each other separate from him. He gave her a grin, but she didn’t believe for a second he was completely over it. “Can I watch.”
“Some times. So long as I can watch you and him.” She could see his eyes darkening at the idea, and she was pretty sure hers were as well. It was certainly an attractive concept, the two of them being together like that and one she was sure many people would pay good credits to see. The idea that it would be something for her alone to be witness to just made the idea all the more attractive. The idea of Anakin watching her with Obi Wan lead to just as many interesting and pleasurable possibilities.
She laughed when Anakin reached forward to pull her into his arms. Laughed and gasped at the kisses he pressed against her neck. “I’m sure that can be arranged.”
She could let it go on. Happily let herself be guided back towards a bedroom (or pushed up on the bench or against a wall – Anakin was certainly strong enough to support her) and forget about dinner and everything but Anakin (except maybe the possibility of Obi Wan joining them). She could, but she knew she shouldn’t, so after a minute or two of enjoying Anakin’s affections she gently pushed him off. “Dinner. Remember?”
“Right.” He had forgotten.
“So, when are you next leaving?” Padme knew there would be another mission soon, there always was these days.
“The day after next.”
“You were actually given a break?” Normally Anakin would be back for a day, if lucky, before being sent away to some other part of the galaxy that needed saving. To most people, three days wasn’t a ‘break’, but with the work-load of both of them it was. Padme loved the part of Anakin that made him go out and fight to keep the people and their ideals safe. She just hated that it always took him away from her.
“Yeah, we actually got a break for a change.”
“Do you know how long you’ll be gone for?”
“No. Why do you ask?”
“I just wanted to know when I would get to see you again.” She lazily placed on her hands around Anakin’s neck, and he settled his hands onto her hips. “And I thought I might ask Obi Wan out to dinner, see if his old reputation still holds any weight.”
“Then I shall try and make the mission as short as possible to bring him back to you.”
“Don’t do anything reckless trying to finish the mission early, Anakin. Promise me.” She would never be able to live with it if someone got hurt for her to try and actually get a proper balanced relationship in her life.
“I won’t.”
Padme struggled to believe that Anakin wouldn’t do something in his excitement at the prospect of Obi Wan joining them. She just hoped it wasn’t something that would end up getting him, or someone else, killed.
The first mission finished but another one was given before Anakin even had time to return to the Temple. By the time the third came around, Padme was sure Anakin had to have done something foolish towards Obi Wan. She just hoped the presence of Ahsoka and the clones would stop him from being too forward with his advances.
She was more than a little glad when she ended up involved in the mission.
Nothing seemed to have changed between Anakin and Obi Wan. Anakin still acted like Anakin, and Obi Wan acted like Obi Wan, and they worked together just as effectively as they always had, and interacted just the same.
Nothing had changed, and that fact was more telling than any other.
This hadn’t been some spur of the moment decision for Anakin. Padme had seen how Anakin acted when taken unaware of his attraction. Seen how he acted when he had been given no time to plan out his seduction and instead was just given the object of his attraction and nothing to stop him. This wasn’t that.
Anakin wasn’t uncomfortably trying to keep Obi Wan’s attention on him. Wasn’t trying to impress him any more than usual. Part of it was because Obi Wan seemed naturally inclined to give Anakin priority attention. The other part, Padme realised, was because it had all been done in slow stages. Anakin hadn’t woken up one morning and decided he wanted Obi Wan to join their relationship. No, Padme realised looking back, it had been a slow progression that even she hadn’t noticed until she had been told about it.
Anakin had slowly become more and more fond of his ex-Master, and in that, had been slowly changing his interactions to be less friendly and more flirty (or as flirty as he got which seemed more to just be an affectionate possessiveness) and, in that, had managed to actually find a seduction method that wasn’t completely unbearable to witness.
It was a shame none of them had noticed it.
Well, none of them had noticed it until now.
It was strange, watching their interactions in the new light. It was the same interactions, the same behaviour, but suddenly the meaning behind them had changed drastically.
Anakin’s recklessness and teasing words around Obi Wan were no longer just him trying to get a rise out of the normally so serious man, but a grapple to be the centre of his attention. A ‘look at me and don’t stop’ that succeeded nearly every time he tried it.
Obi Wan was encouraging it and probably didn’t even realise.
That was their next problem: getting Obi Wan to realise that Anakin was attracted to him and convincing him that it was not just a joke at his expense.
Luckily for Anakin it wasn’t just him involved in the seduction of Obi Wan Kenobi.
“Actually Master Kenobi,” Padme said when he asked her if she needed anything else before they split to return to the temple. “I was wondering if you were free later tonight for dinner?”
Anakin grinned from behind Obi Wan’s back, and Obi Wan sputtered for a second. He glanced back at Anakin, who quickly schooled his expression into bored disinterest, before returning his attention onto Padme.
“Dinner?”
“Yes. I was going to have it with one of the other senators and made a reservation, but they cancelled at the last minute. I thought maybe you could join me instead?” It was a lie. She had no reservation whatsoever. She would have gotten one if she had any forewarning of this opportunity but she wasn’t going to let it pass just because it was unpredicted. She could get one though, and no comment would be made about its lateness.
“Surely there is someone else you would rather have as company,” Obi Wan replied with a pointed glance back at Anakin. So maybe she and Anakin hadn’t been as subtle as they both thought. Oh well, at least that answered the question of whether or not Obi Wan would inform the council about them.
“No. There is no-one else I can think of.” He raised his eyebrow at her, and she put all her effort into maintaining an unaffected expression.
Apparently she had succeeded in not looking like she had any alternative motive (or maybe Obi Wan had just resigned himself to not being able to get out of it) because he agreed to accompany her.
Anakin grinned at her from behind Obi Wan’s back, and she resisted the urge to return it while Obi Wan was still facing her. After giving a time and agreeing on a meeting place Obi Wan, gave her a bow before leaving with Anakin, who was struggling to keep his face passive whenever his ex-Master’s attention was on him.
The moment she arrived back to her apartment, she placed a reservation at one of the restaurants she often dined at. She did have to maintain the cover story if hopefully only temporarily. There were no questions asked about her requesting a private booth, not that she thought there would be. Politics often happened over dinner, and there were sometimes sensitive matters that came up that those dining together did not want known. There were also those who had secret lovers they wished to take out without media attention - which, Padme supposed, she was one of, although she didn’t feel as dirty as she thought she would. They would be granted and ensured their privacy.
She then took a shower and started working on her clothes and makeup for the night. She had gotten her underdress on and was about to start on getting the outer one on when Anakin arrived.
“Before you ask this isn’t all I’m wearing,” Padme said upon greeting him.
“I wasn’t going to ask. You look wonderful in everything you wear. I’m sure you could wear the clothes you had on earlier and still would look better than everyone else out tonight.” Padme knew Anakin was honest with his words. Knew from his point of view she could be wearing rags and still be the most attractive women in all of the galaxy to him. It was one of the advantages to dating him, and something she probably took for granted.
“Yes well, it’ll raise questions if I show up to one of the most expensive restaurants on Coruscant in dirt stained clothing, and we want to avoid unnecessary attention onto ourselves.” She did not want to think about the gossip that would follow if she actually did such a thing. “And anyway I want to look my best for what will hopefully be my first date. Now, since you’re here you can help me get this on.”
Anakin certainly wasn’t as talented at helping her dress as her handmaidens had been. However he knew enough about her clothes and how they went on and (more importantly to him) came off that he could at least decrease some of the time it took her to get the dress on. She did her own hair and makeup as he sat and watched, having learned that tying to distract her while she did it just made it take longer and put her in a bad mood. At the end of it she managed to have a few minutes spare before she had to leave.
“I think you’re more nervous than I am.”
“What?” Anakin said as if he was offended by the mere idea, but he was the one restlessly pacing around the room while Padme sat on the lounge. “I’m not nervous.”
“It’s okay if you are.” It was normal for a primer couple to be nervous when courting a potential third in their relationship. At least that was what all the ‘advice articles’ said, as well as the advice given to any primer couple by well-meaning friends. Despite the fact her relationship was a secret, Padme had heard the advice many times. It was one of those things that was always said whenever a primer couple even mentioned the idea of bringing a third into their relationship with friends.
“I’m not nervous,” Anakin repeated and sat on the couch next to her as if it would prove the point. “Just, what if something goes wrong? Or someone finds out? Or Obi Wan tells the council? Or if you don’t like each other.”
“Oh Ani.” Padme reached over to gently entwine their fingers. “The restaurant is very good at maintaining the discretions of its patrons, and Obi Wan won’t tell the council.” She now knew he knew about them, or at least had suspicions, and hadn’t done anything about it yet. “And I know Obi Wan well enough that I doubt I will suddenly grow to hate him, and as far as I’m aware he doesn’t despise me.”
“No, he doesn’t. But what if you both don’t like each other more than that?”
“If we find we only like each other as friends, then we will deal with it.” It was a fear faced by many when trying to bring a third into their relationship: what would happen if the person hit it off with one of them but not the other? There was always the potential that the original primer would split and a new one formed. Although Padme supposed she should be the one holding the fear, not Anakin. She was the one that might find herself without a partner at the end of it. She didn’t fear it though. She had no fear that Anakin might break up with her and form a primer couple with Obi Wan. The idea seemed so ridiculous it was almost laughable. “For now though, I should probably get going.”
“Right,” Anakin stood and helped her up, not that she actually needed any. “Well, good luck, and… can I wait for you here? I mean, to see you after, or do you want to wait until morning?”
“No, you can wait.”
Anakin relaxed at it, if only slightly, and a part of Padme wished she could show all the people that believed him to be fearless the nervousness he was suffering over bringing a third into their relationship. Another part of her enjoyed the fact that it was something only she got to see. That she was a part of the small list of people who got to see the person Anakin Skywalker really was.
“Okay. Well, hopefully you have a fun night. Not too fun though, I mean…” he frowned, trying to find a balance between his want for her and Obi Wan to enjoy each other’s company and want to keep her to himself. At least he wasn’t completely against the idea.
“I promise I’ll bring him back here if anything too fun might happen so you can join in,” Padme said more as a joke then a legitimate expectation of the night before giving Anakin a kiss. “Just, don’t burn down my apartment while I’m gone. And no tinkering with my appliances. I expect everything to be working exactly the same as it was when I left.” She knew working on machinery calmed him, but she hated when he would get his hands on something of hers with the goal of ‘making it better’. Granted they did end up ‘better’ but often the enhancements were unnecessary.
“But what if I can make it better?” he asked mostly in jest. At least, Padme hoped it was in jest.
“The same, Anakin. If I bring Obi Wan back, I don’t want him walking into some half gutted machine on the floor.” Not that it would surprise Obi Wan, who knew Anakin’s love of machines probably better than even she did, but if she brought him home she wanted everything to look as inviting as possible.
“Fine, now go on, you don’t want to be late.” He gave her a gentle pat on the bum, which she returned with a gentle slap against his arm and a kiss that was easily returned.
“Why do I have a feeling that by the end of tonight I am going to be conceding an argument to you?” Obi Wan asked after looking her up and down when she approached him at their agreed meeting place.
Padme hadn’t thought about that. She had been so focused on the idea of maintaining the cover story that she was supposed to be meeting another Senator, and the social idea of wearing your best clothes while trying to attract someone, that she hadn’t thought of what the clothing would mean to Obi Wan. Normally when they met there was some crisis going on that needed to be resolved. Obi Wan knew she dressed her best when she had a particularly important argument to win. Perhaps she should have worn something plainer.
“You do look wonderful,” Obi Wan said, apparently sensing her distress at his words. Which, great, she had told Anakin not to worry, and here she was ruining things by over-thinking everything.
“Thank you,” she said, and an uncomfortable silence soon surrounded them. It was strange. She had never felt this kind of uncomfortable before. She had never dated that seriously (she had certainly dated a lot but never with the thought of ‘this might be who I’m with forever’), and with Anakin everything had just sort of fallen into place. It was only made worse by the fact she could tell Obi Wan was waiting for her to move first. For her to indicate how the night would go and exactly what level of familiarity they would fall into. He knew about her and Anakin, or at least had a strong suspicion, as evidenced by his behaviour earlier in the day. Maybe he thought she was thinking of having an affair on him. Maybe he was giving her the benefit of the doubt and was waiting for her to prove that it really was just a friendly dinner. Maybe he was giving her enough rope to hang herself with.
She was defiantly over-thinking this.
She was over-thinking it, and if Obi Wan was in fact looking for evidence of guilt she was giving it.
“Sorry. I’m a bit distracted.” She could do this. It wasn’t like this was the first time she and Obi Wan were alone. She knew him, both from tales from Anakin and actually having spent time with him herself. She had it better than many did on their first date with a potential third. Dating certainly seemed more fun on paper, and in her memories, then it was turning out to be but she could do it.
“If something came up, I would not be offended that you have to cancel.”
“No, nothing came up. It’s just…” The fact that she wasn’t content with having one Jedi break his vows but wanted two. Or maybe it was the fear that it wouldn’t work out and she would lose Anakin over it. “Just, everything that is going on. It sometimes gets too much.”
“It will end eventually,” Obi Wan said to reassure her.
“Yes, well, there is still a lot of things between now and then.” A lot of people who would die before the war was over. She wasn’t going to let the night turn depressing through thoughts of all the people still suffering under the effects of the war while they were free to go out to dinner in an expensive restaurant. “Let’s not talk about it though, just for tonight.”
“If that is what you wish.”
“Yes. It is. We should probably head off. It would be a shame to be late after saving my reservation from having to be cancelled.”
The trip to the restaurant was short, but Padme felt some of the awkwardness between them fade. It returned after they were left alone at the table, and it was clear that nobody could see or hear anything they said.
The food was good, and, after a bit of small talk, eventually the reawakened awkwardness faded away again and it felt like every other time they were alone together. The awkwardness giving way to the comfortable familiarity that had grown between them after years of regular interaction. Padme wondered if she wanted to ruin it even if it meant the possibility of finally having a third in her relationship.
“I must admit, I am surprised you invited me,” Obi Wan said, breaking the silences that had occured when they ate.
“And why is that?”
“I merely thought with Anakin being there that you would have preferred to ask him to join you.” There is a look in his eyes that, if she had any doubt left about him knowing about her and Anakin, would prove the matter conclusively.
Padme gave a snort. “No. I don’t think I would enjoy taking him somewhere like this. That is. I mean to say as pleasant as Ani is to be around, he is not one to appreciate places like this.” She had contemplated it many times throughout their relationship. She knew that it would be unlikely to risk their relationship being revealed with the restaurants policies, the ability to think of excuses, as well as people’s preference to assume physical affair rather than emotional relationship when only two people get seen out together. The idea of how uncomfortable Anakin would be in a place like this made her not. They instead would obtain food and eat it in the confines of her apartment. Both freed from the expectations placed on them. Freed to just enjoy each other’s company.
“So you are with him.” It was neither a question nor accusation, just a statement, muttered by Obi Wan. He seemed to be avoiding meeting her eyes as he said it.
“Yes.” It was best to be honest about it. Lies were not the way one should go about starting a relationship with anyone. Maybe that would be all that is gained from the dinner: Obi Wan aware of her and Anakin’s relationship instead of merely suspecting it. Let that settle into his mind before suggesting he join. Padme wanted to do it right and not rush into, and that might be the way to go about it.
“Oh. How long, may I ask?”
“Since Geonosis.”
Obi Wan shut his eyes, and she swore she caught an ‘of course’ muttered, but if it was there it wasn’t aimed at her, so she let it go.
Eventually, Obi Wan looked at her again and then at the setting they are in. “And he is okay with this?”
They both knew that Anakin knew about this. He had been there when Padme asked Obi Wan if he would join her. Obi Wan hadn’t seen Anakin’s expression when she had asked him though. He Hadn’t seen the grin. Even if Anakin knew about the dinner, it didn’t mean he was happy about it, and it would be the more reasonable of assumptions that he wouldn’t like the idea.
Still, she couldn’t help but laugh at the words, because she knew what Anakin actually wanted. She knew new that he was likely pacing around her apartment hoping it goes well enough that it isn’t just her that arrives home to him. She wasn’t going to share that just yet though.
She knew Obi Wan could not possibly guess the joke, so, after she suppressed her laughter, she gave him a reassuring smile. “Yes, he’s more than okay with this. In a way, this was his idea.” He was the one that first brought up the idea of Obi Wan joining their relationship.
“I doubt Anakin would suggest you take another man out to dinner to a place like this.”
“He would if he wished to take the same man out to dinner… well, maybe not to somewhere like this.” Anakin would never really want to belong the world of the upper class, and Padme loved him because of it. Still, she did wonder what sort of place Anakin would consider date-worthy if he was placed in the position to need to choose.
She watched as the words were processed by Obi Wan and watched when the realisation of what she was implying set in.
“Oh. “ A breath and she watched his face turn serious, which wasn’t a good sign at all. “Senator-. Padme.”
She beat him to his words, hands coming across the table to encase his. “We aren’t going to push you to do anything you don’t want. And I promise it won’t be weird if you don’t want to try. And if it’s because of the Code I completely understand.”
Obi Wan sighed, and shook his head and he looked guilty. She had messed this up. She moved too quickly and had caused a man who already carried way too much weight on his shoulders distress. “It’s not about that.” He hung his head, and she only tightened her grip on his hands when he tried to pull them away. She wouldn’t let him carry this as his blame. Not when it belonged on her.
Eventually he lifted his head and again met her eyes. “I shouldn’t want this. I shouldn’t-“ he paused, reassessed what he wanted to say, and started again. “I must confess, I suspected that there was something between Anakin and you for some time now. I didn’t say anything because I told myself I had no real proof, but I am not so unselfaware to believe it to be the truth. No, I didn’t say anything because I believed it made Anakin happy. I believed it made you happy. And, despite my loyalties to the code, I wanted you both to be happy. You both deserved to be happy.”
“We are happy. If you think our want for you to join our relationship is because we are unhappy about it, then please trust me in that you are wrong. We are very happy. We just… think we might be even happier with you as a part of it.” Might be happier being a completed triad instead of a primer stuck in a limbo forever wondering where the missing piece might be.
“You say that as if the idea has not come entirely from Anakin. I know him, maybe better then you. I know what he can be like. He’s-“ Obi Wan paused, but only for a moment, more to show that one train of thought had ended and another was to begin than to actually consider his words. “I don’t know if you were aware, but while I was a Padawan I had a reputation. That is, back then, I had a number of... lovers. So I suppose the stories that followed were well deserved. That stopped after I was put in charge of Anakin. I allowed everyone to believe it was because I had matured. That I was taking my new position seriously and was trying to decrease any possible distractions, remove the temptation of attachment. It was not the truth, though. The truth was I could not leave Anakin in the care of anybody else. He would throw tantrums if I did, and I couldn’t bear the idea of trying to sneak out while he was sleeping. I resigned myself to celibacy until he became old enough that he no longer required my constant attentions. Now though, I cannot allow it to go on. I cannot allow him to drag you into a relationship you do not want because he unreasonably fears my affections turning elsewhere.”
Padme wanted to focus on the unspoken part of the last sentence, on the fact that Obi Wan had feelings for Anakin, and she suspected they were not platonic. He certainly hadn’t said that he was against the idea of being in a relationship with Anakin if not for his fears about her being pressured into it. She had another part of it that needed to be dealt with first though. “And what if I wish to be in a relationship with you as well.”
“Padme. Please. Do not lie to me about such matters.”
“I’m not.” Padme winced at the force that she had placed behind the words, but Obi Wan did not seem offended with them. Instead he looked at her with sympathy. As if she was merely trying to protect Anakin from being called out for his behaviour. “You really believe it so impossible for me to be attracted to you?”
“I am aware that I am not the most attractive person. Certainly not when placed in comparison with you and Anakin.”
Padme could not help but laugh. Then she realised Obi Wan was being entirely serious.
“Really? You do not believe yourself attractive? But certainly, after all those lovers.” She did wonder if he knew a number. He seemed like the sort of man who would keep track of names, flighty perhaps, but passionate while with them. Maybe she could ask him one day, if everything managed to make it all work out.
“I am aware that attractiveness is not the only factor when it comes to choosing one’s bed partner. Convenience goes a long way as well.”
It was a hard concept to process, the idea that Obi Wan Kenobi was not aware of his attractiveness. Hard to think that the man she and her handmaidens had all swooned over did not realise that he could elicit such a reaction. For all the potential bad the relationship could deal for Anakin’s possessiveness, it would do Obi Wan good. If Anakin treated him the same way he treated her, praised him the same way, then Obi Wan would have little choice but to accept the fact that he was gorgeous. Especially with her making sure that he knew Anakin’s words were the truth and not just him being blinded by his infatuation.
Padme wanted to ask what she would have to do in order to prove to Obi Wan that he was attractive, but she had a feeling there would be no easy answer. Instead, it would just be another layer of the relationship that needed balancing out. Something that either created a fragility that would spell the end for the relationship or would pass away with time for the better of them all.
There was no point asking, and no words that could give the assurances that Obi Wan would believe. Therefore Padme did not bother trying to find some to use. Instead, she leant over the table and pressed her lips to Obi Wan’s.
It was a chaste kiss at first, but after a few seconds she took the chance and moved to deepen it.
For all of Obi Wan’s prior protests, he did not push her away, nor did he act as if it was not happening, allowing her to only embarrass herself. No, when she turned the kiss into something more than chaste, he kissed back. She wondered what it meant, that she enjoyed the fact that his previous lovers had left him with the ability to kiss well. She doubted she would need to teach him much like she had had to teach Anakin everything. No, if anything, there would be a chance of her learning something from him. She probably shouldn’t have liked the idea as much as she did.
“Does that not prove I am not doing this merely for Anakin?” she asked when they separated.
“No. It does however prove a different point. It’ll be too risky. That was dangerous idea, someone might have seen.”
“Not here, and we can control ourselves. Anakin and I have managed to keep our relationship a secret for many years.” Obi Wan gave her a look that showed how much he doubted that her and Anakin’s relationship was truly as ‘secret’ as they believed it, but, really, it was stupid of them to believe he wouldn’t have found out. Maybe they should have invited him earlier, or at least told him. “This restaurant has a reputation for keeping the affairs of its patron’s secret.”
“So there wasn’t a dinner with a Senator that cancelled last minute?” Obi Wan asked, an eyebrow raised, and Padme did bristle slightly at the accusation.
“Lovers aren’t the only affairs that Senators may wish to keep secret. Sometimes there are conversations that one would rather not end up in the ears of the public, or worse, your opposition. But yes, there wasn’t a dinner until I booked it after you said you would join me.”
“This is a horrible idea. There are so many ways it could go badly. We really shouldn’t.”
“You’re not saying no.”
Obi Wan let out a laugh as if he only realised the fact himself. “No, I’m not.”
A silence fell, and Padme wondered if she should break it or let Obi Wan think the matter over. It was probably for the best to give him a chance to think the idea over, to let the information settle before he made a decision.
“Padme, I trust you in many matters. You are intelligent and know how to make decisions that are the best for all involved. I’m asking you to be completely honest when answering this question. Do you really think this is a good idea?”
“I think the good that could be gained if it turns out well is worth the risk of the bad that might come from it should it not.” She could list all the problems that could come from it, all the ways it could go wrong, but there was a part of her that told her that the three of them would balance each other out. It might be the part of her that had been told since birth that two people did not make a stable relationship and that they always need a third to balance them out. She hoped it was actually based on the fact that the three of them had worked together many times to stop crisis from becoming catastrophes, that they had found solutions that had galactic ramifications – how hard cold relationship issues be when compared to that? “I think that there is nobody else in the galaxy that would be better suited. Both Anakin and I trust you, and I know you trust him, and from what you just said you trust me as well. So yes, I think, I do think this is a good idea.”
“For some reason, I think it is as well,” Obi Wan replied with a frown on his face that told Padme he was thinking about something. She didn’t know what but there was a part of her that hoped it was the Force. A part of her that hoped the power that ran through the universe was guiding them together as well. If something as powerful as that was saying this was the right thing to do, who were they to argue?
“So, are you saying you will join us?” She needed confirmation. Needed the actual words from his mouth and not just an assumption based on others.
“I’m saying I am willing to try but... I think going about this slowly might be for the best and... talking to Anakin about it before we say anything definite. I’m guessing you know where he is?”
“My apartment, likely dismantling one of the appliances in his anxiety despite the fact I told him not to.”
Obi Wan chucked at her words, but it was because they both knew it to be true. They both knew what Anakin was like, knew him at his best and at his worst.
“Well, unless you want any more to eat, perhaps we should head off and get it over with?” Obi Wan asked, and Padme nodded.
“Yes. We should.”
The walk back to the apartment was weird. Their relationship trapped in a limbo that, while hopefully the main part of it, would be resolved would probably always hang over them. It would end with them trying to find what actions are allowed in public, both out of fear of their relationship being revealed as well as personal comforts. They seemed to be two planets in orbit near each other, coming in close only to pull away just before the gravitation-fields touch and they collide, only to come back around to being dangerously close to the other again.
Anakin looked almost ecstatic to see Obi Wan entering with her, and Padme remembered the comment she had made before she left about why she would bring Obi Wan back with him. “He’s just here to talk Ani,” she said, and his excitement faded slightly. Which made sense. If Obi Wan was willing to come and talk about it, then he wasn’t completely against the idea. She knew Anakin would trade off sex if it meant the chance of something more permanent.
They made their way to the living room, now three planets instead of two, and Padme found the fact that Anakin seemed suddenly cautious about his ex-Master’s space funny. She found it funny that he acted as if not half a day ago he wasn’t near-constantly within it, moving around Obi Wan with a comfortableness that she had seen triads that had been married for decades unable to master. Obi Wan seemed to find his change in behaviour entertaining as well.
They settled on the lounges, and, despite his anxieties, Anakin actually sat down instead of pacing the room as he had earlier that night. He sat down but kept glancing between them as his hands knotted together, something he attempted to hide within his robes. “So, you said yes?”
“I said I was willing to give it a try, but Anakin you cannot let this get in the way of missions. You are not to allow our relationship to blind your decisions. My life is not more important than the tasks given to us.”
Padme knew the answer Anakin was going to give even before he said it, and really Obi Wan should have expected it as well. “I can’t promise that.”
“Well, in that case,” Obi Wan stood to leave, but Anakin quickly stood and caught his hand.
“Let me finish. I can’t promise that because I would never be able to let you die for the good of the mission. I will always find a way to make sure both happen. I can’t- I won’t lose you. It doesn’t matter if we are together in that way or not. You’re important to me, and I will keep you safe. I know you’re not immortal, but please don’t make me promise to just let you die.”
Padme understood what Anakin meant. They could all die any day. They were all too entrenched in the war, too involved. There was likely high prices on all their heads among certain circles. It was something that they had accepted for the good of others. They would each happily die if it meant the war over and their side victorious, yet they would not allow either of the others to die unless they had truly exhausted every avenue that could potentially save them. It was something they had already been tested on. Something they had already proven.
Obi Wan sighed and brought his free hand to the pinch the bridge of his nose. “Where did I go wrong? Anakin-“
Padme saw what was going to happen before Obi Wan. She saw Anakin move in closer and knew what he was going to do. Obi Wan was only given indication when Anakin reached up to grab the hand that was not already in his grasp and move it from Obi Wan’s face so he could close the distance for a kiss.
Obi Wan kissed back, and Padme watched, feeling a lot less like a voyeur then she thought she would. She wondered if that indicated you had found your third, a comfortableness in watching intimacy that, if it was between any other two people, would make you blush and look away. There was a comfortableness in seeing someone you love kiss someone else without the itch of jealously rising under your skin.
“I don’t think you did anything wrong, you were always perfect for me,” Anakin said, and Obi Wan sighed in a way that even Padme recognised as him giving in.
“Promise me you won’t do anything reckless because of this?”
“What do you take me for?” Anakin asked, offended, and Obi Wan glanced over at Padme with a look of shared disbelief. “Of course I won’t.”
“What do you think, my lady, is he to be trusted?”
“Oh, of course not, but then again, whenever is Anakin not reckless?” she asked as she made her way over to them.
“Yes, I guess that is true,” Obi Wan said, affection in his tone.
“Why am the only one getting picked on here,” Anakin said.
Padme cupped his chin and leaned up to press a kiss to his cheek. “Because you are so easy to.”
“Anakin, let us have this. I’m sure you’ll come up with some of your own for both of us,” Obi Wan agreed and gently pressed a kiss to Anakin’s other cheek, which, if Anakin’s annoyance had been based in reality, quickly defeated it.
“So, I can take that as a yes?”
“Yes what Anakin?” Obi Wan asked and Padme stifled her laugh at Anakin’s expression.
“That you’ll join us? Was that a yes.”
“It was,” Obi Wan confirmed and Anakin’s face split into a grin. Padme was sure her own had a similar expression of glee.
There was still a lot of work. Both in finding how their relationship worked with the three of them in it as well as keeping it from the rest of the galaxy’s knowledge, but somehow, it felt as if it would all be worth it in the end.
