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The ninja were gone and Lloyd was alone again.
He had gotten used to it, at this point. Really, he had been used to it for years. They were off doing their ninja-things, and Uncle Wu was helping them, and Nya was… somewhere. He wasn’t sure where she was, actually, but she almost always disappeared around the same time the ninja went off to fight. He was really curious about that. Not including Uncle Wu, it was Nya he spent the most time with. They were both stuck on the Bounty when the ninja got to fight bad guys. Uncle Wu always asked her to babysit, which was stupid because he was way too old for a babysitter. Lloyd was totally fine by himself. Had he released several Serpentine tribes that wanted to take over Ninjago last time he was fully alone? Yes. But he had learned his lesson! He was plenty mature, Kai!
Anyways, Lloyd was fine when everyone was gone. He stayed in his room and read his comics, and sometimes even played the ninja’s video games in secret. There was a thrill to sneaking into their room, covering his mouth to muffle his giggles. He liked the games well enough, but eventually he realized no one would be coming back for a while and the thrill faded and Lloyd just felt kind of empty. He usually just let the game play out, watched the game over flash on the screen and sat there feeling hollow, like something had been whittled out from inside him a long time ago and never put back.
When the ninja were on the ship, he would watch them play sometimes. He drew his hood above his head and hid among the shadows and tucked into dark corners. He watched them laugh, shoving each other, obnoxiously cheering when they won. Cole was awful at video games. The rest teased him relentlessly, but not in a mean way. It was easy and friendly and kind. Lloyd’s green eyes had remained fastened to them as he felt his stomach churn. He thought he was going to be sick. He did his best to run away make a tactical retreat silently, but it wouldn’t have mattered anyway. Their laughter drowned out his steps.
That had been a few days ago. He hadn’t had the guts to even think about video games since, and he had re-read his comics about a thousand times since coming on to the Bounty. He needed to do something, anything to distract him from this unwanted feeling that seemed to be gnawing on his bones and slowly tearing him apart.
He was better than this. He was Lloyd Garmadon, son of Lord Garmadon, Master of Destruction! He could be alone. He was always alone. He had been alone since he was four years old and left on the doorstep of Darkley’s Boarding School for Bad Boys. In the many years he’d been there, he hadn’t made a single friend. He was too loud and abrasive and had done too many good deeds to be taken seriously, so the older, meaner, kids and even some teachers took pride in tormenting Garmadon’s weakling son. He hid in closets and under stairwells and under the covers of his bed, wishing that the mother who left him or the father he’d never known would whisk him away and take him anywhere else. Then he’d been on the streets, going days at a time without speaking to another human being. He thought he’d found a friend in Pythor, for a moment. But he was wrong, and everyone knows how that turned out. Lloyd was always alone, and always would be.
At some point, Lloyd’s breathing had grown erratic. This shouldn’t matter to him anymore. It wasn’t like it made a difference whether the others were on or off the Bounty. When they were around, they just ignored him anyway. They blew him off when he tried to say something to them, and he knew he was being annoying but he just wanted to talk to someone, anyone. Even Nya, who was the kindest to him, vanished when he was around. The only reason they let him stay here was Uncle Wu, and barely even then. They didn’t want him. They hated him.
Lloyd’s labored breaths had turned to gasps, and tears were running down his cheeks. He tried to keep quiet at first. Then he realized no one would hear him, so he sobbed until he fell asleep.
The ninja were back.
Lloyd had splashed water on his face when he woke up to make sure it wasn’t red or puffy. He was sprawled on the couch re-reading one of his Birdman and Bluejay comics. This was the issue where Bluejay, Peter Toll, died. He was the second Bluejay after Ricky Redson, and everyone hated him. They hated him so much that they actually voted for him to be brutally murdered by the Comedian, and he was eventually replaced by Alvin Draper. Naturally, he was Lloyd’s favorite character. Nobody cares about Alvin Draper, Kai!
He could finish re-reading later, though. He had something better planned for entertainment.
“Lloyd! I’m going to kill him!”
It seemed like Kai had gotten out of the shower.
“Kai? What happ–” Nya cut herself off, face in her hands, laughing so hard she started shaking.
Jay started cackling.
“This is the best thing I’ve ever seen! I need to get my camera!”
“No!”
Kai finally came into Lloyd’s line of sight, and what a sight it was. Kai’s face was so red Lloyd thought that steam might actually come out of his ears. His hair had turned a bright, ugly shade of orange. Lloyd’s prank had been a success.
“Lloyd Garmadon!”
“Yes, Kai?” Lloyd asked innocently. “Did you do something different to your hair today?”
“Yeah Kai, you’re looking a little… orange,” Cole choked out in between fits of laughter.
“One, that was not funny. Two, Lloyd, you better have a way to fix it or else!”
“Hmm…” Lloyd pretended to think, like this hadn’t been the plan the whole time. “Only if you let me play your video games for the next week.”
“Fine!”
“You also have to play with me. I know you have some that are only multiplayer.”
Kai gaped at him. “Lloyd! I don’t have time for that! We still have to fight the Serpentine and catch the Samurai and a ton of other top secret ninja stuff that you don’t need to know about!”
Lloyd glared. Playing with him couldn’t be that bad, right? He may have annoyed them all, but it was still video games! Kai liked video games. He wanted Kai to like him. “Do you want your precious hair back or not?”
“He’s serious, Lloyd,” Cole interrupted, “we actually do need to do stuff. Also, he’ll totally say that the bet’s unfair if…” He stopped himself, but Lloyd had already latched on.
“What bet?”
“Cole!” Jay hissed. “He’s gonna tell Sensei!”
“Kai,” Lloyd threatened, “tell me or I’ll never tell you how to fix your hair.”
Kai yelped. “Fine! Fine! We have a bet that whoever finds out the Samurai’s identity gets to be the green ninja.”
Lloyd frowned. “That’s the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard.” He considered it again, tilting his head. “You still haven’t found out who it was?”
Lloyd had. It was obvious, when he started looking. Nya wasn’t a very subtle person— the massive, hulking, mechanized suit was a testament to that.
Kai scowled. “No, but I’ll get him soon!”
“No, it’ll be me!” Jay protested.
“I’m clearly the most able to find the Samurai’s identity,” Zane argued.
“No way, I’ll obviously be the one to find out and be the green ninja!” Cole laughed. Jay pushed him, and it quickly turned into a shoving match with loud bickering in between. Lloyd’s skin began to crawl.
Like the time he watched them play video games, he ran. Like then, even with Kai’s hair still bright orange, no one noticed.
Kai was supposed to be watching Lloyd today, and he clearly didn’t want to be.
Kai was maybe the most against having Lloyd on the Bounty out of all the ninja. Where most of them approached him with cool indifference, Kai made how he felt obvious. He had always been the least likely to hide his emotions. Lloyd could read the others just fine, notice the downturn in their lips and the furrow in their brows when he spoke, but at least they had the kindness to not explicitly say or do anything to him. Unlike Kai, who constantly made snide comments and was openly hostile towards him. Once, Lloyd had even heard him yelling at Uncle Wu, screaming that Lloyd was a danger to all of them and needed to leave.
Lloyd couldn’t blame him, but that didn’t mean it didn’t hurt.
Kai’s babysitting skills were abysmal. Maybe they would be better with a kid he actually liked, or at least one he didn’t hate, but with Lloyd they definitely needed work. Lloyd snuck a look at him. He was staring at the wall as if it could turn back time so that he could’ve come up with an excuse to get out of this situation. Lloyd wished he would look at him.
Lloyd scowled. If Kai didn’t want to hang out with him, so what? He was fine.
“Kai, I’m hungry,” he whined.
He hadn’t eaten in hours and Lloyd’s cooking abilities were limited. Kai finally turned around to glare at him.
“Then make yourself food. I’m busy.”
“I don’t know how,” Lloyd said petulantly.
“Make some pancakes or something. You can do that, right?”
Lloyd could make pancakes. Uncle Wu had taught him right after he came on the ship, when he had mentioned that he’d never had them before. Wu put his hand over his on the spatula and taught him how to flip them, staying patient even when Lloyd got batter over both of them. It was one of the best days Lloyd had ever had.
Lloyd dug into the drawer with the girdle, pulling it and its tangled chord from the mess of dishes above it. He plugged it in and started on making the batter.
Lloyd snuck another look at Kai. He was staring at the wall again.
Look at me. Look at me. Look at me.
He hated this. He hated being unsure and he hated being lonely and he hated how this place was so different from everywhere else but still the same. He hated that he wanted it to be different. Most of all, he hated himself for how desperate he was for them to want him even when he knew it would never happen. If it weren’t for Uncle Wu, he would have been gone by now. But even Wu seemed to look straight through him sometimes, like he was seeing a ghost.
“Shit!”
While Lloyd had been lost in his near-delirious thoughts, his left hand, which held the spatula, had slowly fallen until it had hit the hot girdle. He had burned the furthest right part of his palm in a line down a little past his wrist.
“Lloyd? What the— oh, fuck.”
Kai had heard him. He stared at Lloyd wide-eyed. He seemed like he had been thrown off-kilter, which was rare given that he was usually so sure of himself. Lloyd thought it was kind of funny.
“I think I got burned.”
“Really? I couldn’t tell.” Kai laughed, but it sounded panicky and not at all like him.
“Do you know how to fix a burn?”
“Do I—” Kai shook his head, aghast. “No, I don’t know how to fix a burn! Why would I know that?”
“You’re literally the fire ninja! You definitely should know that!”
“Exactly, I’m the fire ninja! I don’t get burned!”
“Have you not burned other people in training before?” Lloyd asked, curiosity getting the better of him.
“Sensei Wu or Nya usually help them if I do!” Kai griped.
“That’s stupid. It was your fault, so you should fix it,” Lloyd accused.
“You know what? We aren’t having this conversation right now. Do you know how to fix a burn?”
“Uhh,” Lloyd scratched his head. “Wrap it, maybe? I dunno.”
“Okay!” Kai frowned. “Now we just have to find the gauze…”
“It’s in there.” Lloyd pointed to the cabinet.
“Great! Can you grab it?”
Lloyd glared at him.
“What? You have another working arm, don’t you?”
Lloyd glared harder.
“Ohhh.” Lloyd could see the moment realization dawned on Kai as his face lit up. “You can’t reach, can you?” He grinned.
“Shut up,” Lloyd grumbled, feeling his face heat up. “I’m gonna be taller than you someday and you’ll regret this.”
“Sure, pipsqueak.” Kai ruffled his hair. Lloyd froze.
Kai didn’t seem to notice. His hand left Lloyd’s head in favor of grabbing the gauze from the cabinet.
“Go sit down, kid.”
Lloyd moved automatically, sliding into a chair at the kitchen table. He didn’t really understand why Kai was doing this, but he’d take what he’d been given.
Kai cautiously picked up his arm. Lloyd fought back his flinch. He wrapped the gauze around him gently, pausing when Lloyd couldn’t hold back a hiss.
“...Does it hurt?”
“What?”
“The burn. Does it hurt?” Kai’s eyes, normally a fierce blaze when he looked at Lloyd, had turned into a tender flame.
“No,” Lloyd lied, averting his gaze. Kai shook his head.
“Liar.”
Lloyd ignored him.
“You need to put money in the swear jar, you know,” Kai grinned.
“You did too!”
The ninja were gone and Lloyd was crying again.
He hated this. He hated feeling like this. This had never happened before—not at Darkley’s, not on the street, never. It was like he was constantly walking around with a pit in his stomach, waiting for something to happen. He could barely untangle his knot of emotions, the constant dread and fear and loneliness that seemed to follow him wherever he went now. He let out another sob into his pillow.
“Lloyd?”
Kai was standing by the door. He shouldn’t be here.
Lloyd curled into himself and pulled the covers over his head.
“Lloyd.” Ever so gently, Kai peeled the covers back.
“Go away,” Lloyd mumbled.
“Kid, I’m gonna need you to talk to me.”
“I said go away! You don’t— you never want to talk to me normally, you hate me, you all— you all hate me, so just leave!” Shaky words poured out between gasps, tears streaming down Lloyd’s face. Then he realized what he had said to Kai. His whole body locked up.
Oh no. He had just told Kai— this was bad. What would Kai do? Lloyd couldn’t— he wouldn’t be allowed to stay, now. His head was spinning fast and he couldn’t— he couldn’t—
Someone was touching him.
“Lloyd, breathe.”
He was trembling, he realized. His whole body was shaking. He inhaled, letting out a shuddering breath. He was still crying. He wanted to throw up. Kai was sitting on the bed next to him.
“I’m sorry— I didn’t mean— I’m sorry, please don’t leave me, I’ll be quiet, I won’t— please—”
They would kick him off the ship now. There was no way they would keep him now, and Kai would never talk to him again, and—
“Kid, it’s okay.”
Lloyd risked a peek at Kai between wet eyelashes. He— he didn’t look mad? That didn’t make sense. Maybe since he didn’t want Lloyd here, and he was happy to finally have an excuse to get rid of him. But that didn’t seem right either, because Kai just looked sad.
“Can I give you a hug?”
Lloyd bluescreened. He had just yelled at Kai. Kai, who hated him. His face was wet and also almost definitely snotty. And Kai had just asked to hug him.
When Lloyd didn’t respond, Kai cautiously moved towards him. Slowly but surely, he wrapped his arms around him, and Kai pulled in Lloyd until he rested against his heart. Lloyd's breath hitched.
“We aren’t gonna leave you, kid.”
But he— that didn’t—
“You aren’t gonna get rid of me?” he mumbled into Kai’s pajama shirt.
Kai rested his head on top of Lloyd’s hair. He could feel Kai’s small smile.
“Nah. You aren’t too bad, pipsqueak.” Kai’s hand snaked upwards and began to card through Lloyd’s hair. Lloyd closed his eyes and sniffled. The sickness he had felt earlier slowly receded.
“I don’t… I don’t understand,” Lloyd whispered.
“What do you not understand?”
“I am bad. Everyone knows it. I did everything wrong before, I’m doing everything wrong now. I don’t get why you don’t just leave. It’s not like you paid attention to me before unless I was doing something bad anyway,” Lloyd mumbled the last part under his breath.
“And I’m sorry I didn’t. I was… pretty mean to you, kid. I promise I’ll do better. And you’re not bad, not at all. You’ve made some bad decisions, sure, but that doesn’t make you a bad person, Lloyd.”
Lloyd was skeptical, but today, he didn’t want to be bad. Today, he wanted to be comforted by Kai’s voice and his hand gently thumbing through Lloyd’s hair.
“Tell me a story?” he murmured.
“What kind?”
“About you guys. The ninja.”
“Well, one time during training Jay was so distracted staring at Nya that…”
Lloyd smiled and began to doze. The ninja were home and so was he.