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V loved the rain.
When that changed, Jumin didn’t know. When they were younger, rainy days always dampened V’s mood. When it rained now, though, V could be found hovering near an open window if not directly outside in the downpour. Jumin’s scolding did little to keep him indoors and out of the damp, so the man caught colds often.
Jumin wondered if it wasn’t because V didn’t have to see the rain to enjoy it. He could smell it, feel it against his skin, so there was no need for vision. That was just a guess, though. He’d asked before, but V hadn’t provided a response other than, “it puts my mind at ease,” Jumin figured that was excuse enough and let it go.
V was a perfectly capable man, vision or not, but Jumin still made it a point to check in on him routinely and today was no different. The forecast called for rain throughout the evening and Jumin took pleasure in watching V relish in the weather so he discretely invited himself over. V liked the company, even if he didn’t say much.
Their silences were never uncomfortable like Jumin experienced with some people. He knew V well enough to be able to read him without any words and felt at ease to just let the silence speak for itself. He was content with the quiet and found himself watching V from across the table as it began to rain, the soft pitter-patter breaking the silence. V smiled and visibly relaxed in his seat, shoulders dropping and slim fingers slackening their grip on the mug in his hands.
Jumin thought V was beautiful. It wasn’t a new revelation for he’d noticed years ago, but there were times when it hit him all over again. As if he never fully appreciated his friend’s features and when he finally did, he noticed small, new things. Like how long his eyelashes were, how well maintained his cuticles looked, the way his head tilted ever so slightly when listening to something. These were minute details that any normal person would never pick up on, but Jumin was incredibly attuned to everything about V.
“You’re staring again.” V murmured without opening his eyes.
There was no use denying it, “I am.”
“What is so fascinating?” V wondered, hint of amusement in his tone.
Jumin debated the question and figured V was just a fascinating person, “You I suppose.” V flushed, as Jumin expected him to. The man never took complements well.
“That’s kind of you.”
“Will you tell me something?” Jumin asked hesitantly. He dropped his gaze to his mug in front of him when V’s foggy eyes sought him out across the table.
“If I can.” V assured then sipped on his cooling coffee.
Jumin hated to repeat himself, but his curiosity would never let him settle if he didn’t know, “What is it about the rain..?” he wondered, “I only ask because you look most at peace when it’s raining and I figure there must be some sort of reason.”
V pursed his lips in thought and sighed as he shifted to lean his elbows against the table, “Come here, won’t you?” His voice was soft, gentle. How could Jumin refuse? He stood and left his coffee behind as he took the seat beside his friend. V smiled at him then nodded, “My reason will probably sound silly to you, but I will tell you if you wish. Rika was my sun.”
Jumin frowned at the sudden mention of Rika and regretted bringing the topic up at all. V didn’t like to talk about Rika these days, it pained him and Jumin knew that.
“She was my sun,” he continued, “and I was hers. Soon, the sunshine against my skin felt like her warmth and when I missed her, I took solace in watching the sun set or rise knowing she would be watching it too. We were one you see, Jumin. Two halves of a whole and now I’m missing a piece of me. I no longer enjoy the sunshine against my skin because it’s a reminder of better days, days before I related her warmth to pain. So, when it rains there is a sense of cleansing. There’s no sun to taunt me and the smell of damp earth is nothing floral like the scent of her hair. I’m at peace when it rains because I know the past is the past and I am no longer there. I live here, right now, amidst the crying sky and allow myself to forget for a moment what that kind of ache feels like when you’re missing a piece of yourself.”
Jumin could think of nothing of worth to say.
“I don’t expect you to understand, Jumin.” V said softly and sat back, “It’s a complicated feeling.” Jumin thought he knew all about complicated feelings, but found himself tongue-tied still. “You can tell me it’s stupid, you know. I won’t be offended. It’s silly to miss her after everything she’s done, but you know I’ll never stop loving her.”
“I know.” Jumin said, his voice lower than he’d meant, “I know and I don’t think it’s stupid. I do wish you’d hurt less. I don’t like seeing you ache. Even when you smile it’s there.”
V smiled, “You see right through me.”
“Of course I do. You’re practically transparent. Regardless, it’s raining. Shall we go?” Jumin offered, knowing at least the chilly drops against their skin would make them feel something that wasn’t this. V held his hand out and let Jumin lead him outside after they stepped into their shoes. It wasn’t raining hard, but the sky was considerably darker than when Jumin had first arrived and there was a fog that hung in the air and clung to their skin.
Jumin watched V tilt his face to the sky, eyes closed and that tiny smile adorning his thin lips. Jumin figured V was more like the wind than the sun and wondered if that made sense. It probably didn’t, but looking at him now made his chest ache and he wondered if it was a similar pain to what V felt. He wished for their younger, carefree days, but also wished for an unknown future beside his best friend, whom he cherished. Dare he say loved?
“Jumin.” V’s voice pulled him from his thoughts and Jumin realized V was a bit closer than necessary. He could feel his warm breath ghosting against his face as he breathed. “Thank you.”
“What for?” Jumin asked, confused.
“Always being beside me.” V reached for him and Jumin took his outstretched hand. Despite the rain, V was incredibly warm. His black V-neck clung to his slim frame and his hair dripped fat raindrops onto his face. Once again, Jumin was reminded how stunning his best friend was and he ached to tell him so.
“You don’t have to thank me for that. I’m beside you because it’s where I want to be.” Jumin said then brought his hand up to brush the water from V’s cheeks.
V’s breath caught at the gentle touch and Jumin watched his pale cheeks color if only slightly, “I’m glad to hear that.” He said softly.
Embarrassed Jumin thought.
They stood like that, neither of them willing to pull apart and neither knowing how close they could get without crossing some invisible line. V’s foggy eyes searched for Jumin, never quite focusing, but every time they nearly did, Jumin’s heart leapt in his chest. “Do you know it pains me not to be able to see you? You’ve only ever been expressive around me. I hope that hasn’t changed.” V whispered.
“It hasn’t.” Jumin promised, knowing full well he turned into an open book around V.
“Tell me what it is you’re thinking then.” V encouraged.
Jumin considered several answers, but thought honesty would be appreciated the most and said, “I’m thinking the rain suits you. I’m thinking you should be freezing, yet your skin is warm. I’m thinking I want to be beside you always. I’m wondering what would happen if I were to kiss you.” He watched V’s lips part in surprise and his face flushed a lovely shade of pink. He licked his lips nervously and the fingers that were still laced with Jumin’s tightened.
“Do you want to..?” V asked nervously.
“Very much. It’s been plaguing me all evening.” Jumin admitted, omitting that it’d been plaguing him far longer than that even. “Jihyun,” he cupped V’s cheek and stepped closer until they were nearly pressed flush against each other, “let me be your rain.”
V’s arms wound around Jumin’s neck, fingers threading through wet hair as he pulled him close. Their noses brushed and Jumin stared as V’s eyes fluttered closed. Their lips met briefly, gently.
Once,
Twice,
Jumin wrapped an arm around V’s waist and tugged him close as he kissed him. He could hear his heartbeat in his ears and the cold was no longer seeping through his clothes because the only thing he could focus on was V and how right he felt in his arms. He parted his lips invitingly and V followed shyly, tongue tentative against Jumin’s until Jumin sighed into his mouth and deepened the kiss. V tasted faintly of coffee and something entirely foreign, yet still so sweet. It was something Jumin figured he could become addicted to. When they finally parted, V’s eyes stayed closed as Jumin rested his forehead against his.
“If you’re my rain, what does that make me?” V asked curiously.
Jumin smiled, “My wind.”