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“What are ya lookin’ at Omi?”
Kiyoomi had once again been persuaded—or more accurately ambushed—into going out to dinner with their friend group, and watching a movie at the Miya’s apartment afterwards.
It started with a message from Motoya asking him if he wanted to join them, which he decided to so very kindly ignore, planning on feigning ignorance when he was inevitably asked why he hadn’t answered.
Unfortunately he could no longer do that when there was an Atsumu stood in front of his door, determined and not planning on leaving without Kiyoomi. He knew this because it had happened before, and fortunately for Atsumu he had a hard time saying no to him.
So that’s how he and Atsumu ended up walking to a new restaurant Osamu wanted to try, which wasn't unusual. However other times he’d make Motoya—or more recently Atsumu—tell him where they would be going beforehand, so he could look up the place and their menu.
“Looking up the menu,” Kiyoomi said flatly.
“They probably have the exact same menu as the other places ‘Samu wanted to try, with like a couple of their ‘special’ dishes. I’m sure they’ll have something ya like Omi.”
“Look I know I’m being stupid, you don’t have to tell me that. Just let me look it up and it’ll be fine.”
He knew Atsumu was probably right, and that he was being dramatic. Still, that didn’t change the fact he hated spontaneously outings. He already didn't have the time to properly get ready today, as Atsumu decided to fetch him at the last possible second. Leaving him with just enough time to just trow on some clothes and otherwise make himself look presentable.
“Yer not being stupid, well maybe a little but whatever. Lets just stop walkin’ for a sec, don't want to walk into oncomin’ traffic or somethin’,”
“I’m not going to walk into incoming traffic, I can multitask just fine.” Kiyoomi replied. Stopping anyway, letting Atsumu guide him towards the side of the sidewalk, where they stood side by side. Their shoulders almost brushing against each other every time Atsumu tried to read his screen.
As it turned out it was actually quite a bit easier to read whilst standing still compared to walking, not that he would admit that though.
Another thing he wouldn't admit—or didn't have to, because Atsumu knew he was right—was that the menu did in fact consist of the same dishes there usually were, with a few of them having a little bit of a twist to them making them special.
They stood there in silence for a little while, Atsumu never standing still for more than a few seconds at a time, as Kiyoomi took his time to properly read over the menu. After checking his notifications, and sending a sarcastic reply to one of Motoya’s earlier messages warning him that Atsumu was coming—that one he actually missed, unfortunately—he put his phone away.
“Ready?” Atsumu asked. Bumping his shoulder against Kiyoomi’s and giving him a grin.
“I should've ignored you standing outside until you eventually left.”
“I’ll take that as a yes, now lets go Omi. They’re probably already waiting on us.”
“Great.”
The rest of their walk to the restaurant was a lot more pleasant, with Atsumu telling him about an outdoor volleyball tournament they were planning for the end of spring, and how they were asking all the nearby colleges and universities to participate.
It was nice hearing him talk about something he was so clearly passionate about, the subtle—or the not so subtle ways he’d change. The cocky persona he’d usually put on would just disintegrate, and all there was left was an boisterous and captivating Atsumu.
The walk to the restaurant was short, normally he would’ve been grateful, but now he just felt disappointed. He certainly wasn’t disappointed about their walk ending, more so about the fact they had to go inside and join the others now.
When Atsumu stood in front of his door to ask him come along he could hardly say no, but there was definitely a reason he ignored Motoya’s messages earlier. Truth be told he was utterly exhausted and really just didn’t feel like talking. Nor did he feel particularly well. He had been having heart palpitations and dizzy spells the entire day.
As he joined the others, who were indeed already seated and waiting on them, he was glad to be able to sit down. Being thankful for the fact he was never very talkative, even at the best of times, so he could just sit and listen to the rest talk without it being too obvious he wasn’t feeling well.
Whilst he was half listening to Osamu’s critique of his food, he had made up his mind to go back home when they were done with dinner, instead of joining the rest to watch a movie.
***
Unfortunately for him that’s not how it ended up going, the dinner part went relatively uneventful. The food was fine, the restaurant itself was actually pretty nice, and it wasn’t too busy yet. He mostly just kept to himself listing to the others talk—which wasn’t anything unusual.
However when it was time to leave and he was about to say he was heading home, he was asked by non other than Atsumu if he was coming. And for the second time that day he found he didn’t have it in him to reject his request.
So that’s how he ended up watching a horror movie out of all genres, its not that he didn’t like them it’s just that they tended to flare up his symptoms—another thing his illness made it hard for him to enjoy.
He was seated on the very left side side of the couch, with Atsumu next to him—which he was rather grateful for, seeing as he respected his personal space. Well for the most part anyway, whenever they were sitting next to one another Atsumu seemed to always find a small way to be touching—mostly something inconspciseus, like their feet or knees.
Kiyoomi wasn't a fan of touching people, or being touched by them, but he found that he didn't mind those little touches with him. Lately he even found himself looking forward to them, being painfully aware when Atsumu decided not to initiate.
Which was why he noticed about a fourth into the movie that Atsumu wasn't touching him at all, in fact he was sitting hugging his knees to his chest. He honestly looked worse than what he imagined himself looking like; he was pale, his breathing uneven, and when he looked closely he thought Atsumu looked like he was about to cry.
“What’s wrong?” Kiyoomi whispered to him. Giving Atsumu a small nudge with his elbow.
He didn’t get a response though, well not a verbal one at least. He looked at Kiyoomi with what he could only describe as panic.
Something was wrong, that much was obvious, but he had no clue what. He had a feeling Atsumu wasn’t going to be able to tell him what it was either.
“Miya, I’m going to need you to come with me okay?” Kiyoomi whispered. Not wanting to draw attention to them.
When Atsumu made absolutely no indication of having heard him, he pried open on of his hands that was digging into his knee, and took his hand in his own. Getting absolutely no resistance from Atsumu as he stood up from the couch and started guiding him towards the kitchen.
In the background he could hear the sound of a woman screaming, along with a gasp he was fairly certain belonged to Motoya. Which let him to squeeze Atsumu’s hand, seemingly that was what he needed to realize his hand was being held, subsequently he felt Atsumu’s clammy hand gripping onto his own.
“Want to leave?” Kiyoomi asked. Now no longer whispering as they reached the kitchen. He had no clue what it was that set Atsumu off, his best bet would be the horror movie, although he figured Suna wouldn’t offer to watch that if that were the case.
His frantic nodding was all Kiyoomi needed in response to pretty much pull him out of the front door, only letting go of Atsumu’s hand to quickly put on his shoes. He didn’t even think to announced that they were leaving, a message to Motoya will just have to do when they get to his apartment.
The walk to his apartment was silent save for the sound of their foot steps, his platform boots making most of the sound. He tried getting Atsumu to answer his previous question twice but it was to no avail. Fortunately their apartments weren’t that far apart, so the walk was relatively short.
It proved to be a rather difficult to fish his keys out of his bag one handed, the other still occupied by Atsumu’s hand. however, after struggling for a moment he managed to get the door unlocked.
Upon stepping into the hallway—or more accurately, upon pulling Atsumu with him into the hallway, he gave a small shiver at the temperature difference. As he tried to pull his hand free from Atsumu he only tightened his grip.
“Miya I can’t take off my shoe’s like, and neither can you.”
Seemingly that was enough for Atsumu remember what he was doing, and to get embarrassed—a light pink tinting his cheeks, bringing a bit of color back into his face—finally letting go of Kiyoomi’s hand.
Kiyoomi noted he was still a bit shaky as he struggled to remove his shoe’s, as he looked over at Atsumu he noticed he was having the same struggle. Guess the adrenaline was not only getting to him, but to Atsumu as well.
Once he had successfully taken off his shoes, and made sure Atsumu did the same, he headed for the kitchen. Atsumu trailing behind him, now fidgeting with his sleeve.
“I’ll be with you in a second I just need to take my medication and put the kettle on, you can go sit down on the couch in the meantime,” Kiyoomi said. Whilst they were walking towards the kitchen.
However Atsumu didn’t budge, he just continued standing next to him—just a bit closer than he normally would. So, he took his medication and made them tea whilst Atsumu was invading his space, although it didn’t get on his nerves nearly as much as it would with anybody else.
He’s seen Atsumu drunk a few times, the first time being when Motoya dragged him along to a party after one of his volleyball games—where Atsumu happened to be as well. This was right before their friend group became a thing. Back then he hadn’t been particular fond of Atsumu, but he found that he was much more palatable when he was sober, and not putting on a rather conceited act.
That was fairly in the beginning of their friendship as well, back when Motoya would succeed in getting him tag along with him more often. Something he noticed was that Atsumu seemed to be a rather clingy drunk, even though he pretended that wasn’t the case.
It was noticeable in the little details though, he would follow Osamu around everywhere, and later when they became proper friends, Kiyoomi too. Another thing he noticed was that he became pretty touchy with people, himself excluded, presumably because Atsumu knew he generally disliked touch.
Kiyoomi came to the conclusion that he must be clingy whenever he was drunk, or in this case didn’t feel good.
“Come on,” Kiyoomi said. Carrying the two glasses of tea with him towards his bedroom, wanting to change into some comfortable clothes first, Atsumu would probably appreciate some as well.
Atsumu trailed behind him without a word, he couldn’t help but think about the fact that this was the longest time they’ve spend together without Atsumu talking his ear off. He absolutely hated it.
He grabbed two pairs of sweatpants—both black, as was most of his closet—along with an old band shirt for himself and a black t-shirt with a print of a constellation on the back of it. One he had gotten from his older sister in the largest size they had many years ago, which he was fairly certain was supposed to be a women’s shirt as well. Not that he ever cared much about what gender clothes were supposedly meant for.
“Why are you staring at me like that Miya?”
“Sorry,” Atsumu said meekly. Now looking anywhere but at him.
“Sorry that was mean, I didn’t mean it like that,” Kiyoomi said. Uncertain of how to proceed. “Do you want a hug?” He asked after a few seconds, when Atsumu had still to look up from his feet.
He had no idea how to handle someone not being okay in front of him. It’s not that he wanted to be mean he just didn’t know how not to be, growing up he had never really been on the receiving end of genuine kindness whenever he was upset. Now he felt like he could never be, nor did he know how to be on the giving end.
It felt wrong for him to witness Atsumu like this, at the same time it felt incredibly intimate. Terrified to act wrong—whatever that even meant—he tried to act as he normally would, with their banter and all, even tough that clearly wasn't what he needed at this moment. For now he would allow himself to be gentle and sweet with Atsumu, playing it off as him being caring.
“‘kay,” was all Atsumu could muster before falling into Kiyoomi’s arms. He could’ve sworn he saw his eyes glistening at the corners.
The feeling of being hugged always felt like suffocation to him, he suspected that was the case as all the hugs he received were forced. The people who respected his boundaries never pushed, so the only times he got hugged it was by people who didn’t.
With Atsumu it was different though—everything with him was different. He didn't particularly like it, it still felt too awkward, but it didn’t make his skin crawl either.
He felt Atsumu’s head resting on his shoulder, with his arms wrapped around his middle coming together at the small of his back. His sense of time seemed to be completely lost as he stood there in the middle of his bedroom—the clothes now abandoned on his bed and leaving the cups of tea to get cold. For a second he thought about how he was glad he hadn’t put some cold water in it to cool it off a bit.
As Atsumu retrieved from their embrace he couldn't help but miss the warmth that came from him.
He handed him one of the pairs of sweatpants along with the shirt to change into, he himself doing the same. Afterwards he got into bed and urged Atsumu to do the same, having scrapped the idea of moving to the living room.
Much to his surprise their tea was now what he considered to be the perfect drinking temperature, after making sure Atsumu was seated properly he handed him one of the cups of tea as well. Next he grabbed the remote and turned on the television, handing the remote to Atsumu. Who was sitting considerably closer compared to how he normally would, to the point that if either of them moved their legs just a tad bit they would be touching.
“What are we watching tonight?”
“I dunno,” Atsumu mumbled, fidgeting with the remote.
“Do you want to continue watching our show or just do a movie?”
Atsumu had enthusiastically told him about a book he read—or more so that he had to read for school, and actually happened to enjoy—that was getting adapted into a tv show. He had offered to watch it with him, even though it wasn’t something he’d usually watch himself. Getting to see it with Atsumu made it worth it though.
“Movie,” Atsumu said, taking a big sip of his tea.
“Want to pick one yourself or do you want me to do it?”
He got handed the remote back in answer of his question. Honestly he had no clue what kind of movies Atsumu was into, but he figured anything horror—or just scary in general, was off the table.
The movie he settled on was an old movie he remembered Atsumu telling him about, he and Osamu had supposedly watched that movie a thousand times when they were kids. Their mother had even bought a second DVD as a back up in case they lost, or destroyed the first one.
The second Atsumu recognized the movie a small smile came to his face, letting him know he choose the right movie.
“Ya remembered,” Atsumu said softly, smiling at him.
“huh? Oh the movie, yeah of course I did.”
He didn’t have a particularly good memory, but somehow everything about Atsumu stuck—from all the way of them meeting for the first time until now. Although at first he didn’t remember because wanted to, more so because every little thing Atsumu did seemed to annoy him. He wasn’t sure when the change started to happen, but as time went on and he got to know Atsumu better, all the little things he disliked about him started to become endearing rather than annoying.
Somewhere during the movie he found that Atsumu had placed his head upon his shoulder, and he even had his arm around Atsumu’s waist. He must've been too distracted thinking about how he was going to bring this whole ordeal up to him, that he hadn’t noticed that they were now—simply put, cuddling.
At one point he decided he should just let Atsumu bring it up, however he feared he would simply never bring it up, and the moment would pass and he’d be left wondering what triggered him without an answer. Unable to prevent it from happening again in the future.
So having made up his mind, he would bring it up once the movie ended.
“Can I ask you something?” Kiyoomi asked, feeling like the movie ended too quickly.
“Yeah.”
Atsumu seeming knew what the conversation was going to be about, seeing as he turned his head more inwards towards Kiyoomi’s neck, this way he was able to feel the warmth radiating from his cheek. As wrong as it might be, he couldn’t help but find some solace in the fact Atsumu was also not well prepared for this.
“Was it the horror movie? or did something else happen?”
“Ah well, I guess just the horror movie,” Atsumu admitted, the embarrassment evident in his voice. “When I was little I used to be terrified of ‘em, guess I still am. I really did think I grew out of that though, but apparently not.”
“Why didn’t you say anything when Suna was picking the movie then? I mean you clearly hadn’t attempted to watch one in a while or you’d know you still couldn’t watch horror movies.”
That last part might've been unnecessary and a bit mean, but he hadn’t meant it that way. He could only hope Atsumu didn’t take it as such, and by the little sound of his chuckle he assumed he hadn’t.
“I couldn’t tell ya Omi.” Atsumu said sheepishly, before speaking again a few seconds later. “Well I guess ‘cause I thought it would be embarrassing,” Atsumu admitted faintly.
“Right,” Kiyoomi said softly. Thinking better of adding how this was objectively more embarrassing than simply saying you want to watch something else.
They sat in silence for quite some time, with Kiyoomi’s hand having found it’s way onto the others thigh drawing little shapes, it was surprisingly comfortable for him. Silence never bothered him, but normally when he was with Atsumu there was just very little of it. Even when they were doing something that didn’t require talking, Atsumu just couldn’t help but give little comments here and there.
Even though he seemed to have calmed down properly already, Kiyoomi couldn’t help but notice how Atsumu’s breathing started to get even slower. All the tension is his muscles seemed to have melted away as well.
Suddenly Atsumu spoke, drawing him out of his thoughts.
“I should go it’s gettin’ late, thanks for everythin’ Omi” Atsumu said. Trying to escape the pile of blankets and pillows Kiyoomi had in his bed.
“You don't have to go,” Kiyoomi blurted. He hadn’t even thought of what he was saying before he said it, but he couldn't say he regretted his offer.
“Oh, are ya sure?” Atsumu asked. The surprise was evident in both his voice and face, giving Kiyoomi a small bit of satisfaction at having so obviously caught him of guard.
“Yeah,” Kiyoomi said. Heat rising to his cheeks, he didn’t need a mirror to know his cheeks were flushed. They sat in silence for a moment—Atsumu clearly unsure of how to proceed—before he spoke again, “Let me just get you a toothbrush.”
The walk to his bathroom was silent, and unlike their silence just moments before, this one felt rather uncomfortable. Both of them seemed to be consumed by their thoughts, and unsure of how to act.
Atsumu was messing around with a knotted bracelet he wore on his nondominant hand, whilst Kiyoomi got a new toothbrush out of one of his cabinets. He handed him the toothbrush and started on his own dental hygiene routine, naturally Atsumu finished first since he only had to brush his teeth.
The rest of the time Kiyoomi spend brushing his teeth he could feel a pair of eyes on him, still he took his time to properly complete his routine—deciding he would be fine to skip his evening skincare routine for once.
“Do ya really do at that every night?” Atsumu asked. When Kiyoomi was done, and made eye contact with him through the mirror while washing his hands.
“Yes, and you should too. I’m sure your dentist would appreciate it.”
“Omi if ya think I care about my dentist yer sorely mistaken.”
He was glad Atsumu was feeling well enough to participate in their usual banter again.
“Well they’re your teeth, do with them what you will,” Kiyoomi said. Rinsing the soap off of his hands before drying them with a hand towel.
Atsumu’s chuckle was the only sound between them, besides their footsteps, as they walked back to his bedroom. As he got into bed again he noticed Atsumu was standing rather awkwardly at the foot of the bed, and urged him to get in.
After his struggle of finding the remote again, which got lost in between his collection of blankets on his bed, he asked Atsumu if he would like to watch an episode of the show they were watching together, which he did.
For the first time tonight, or really anytime, he was the one to initiate contact between them. Hesitantly he put his hand on Atsumu thigh—which was once again almost touching his own, he hoped that the moment hadn’t passed by yet.
That when Atsumu’s obvious episode of vulnerability had ended, that the touchy effect that came with it hadn't worn off yet. Although he wasn’t sure if his touchiness really was a side effect of him being vulnerable, or that he was just no longer hiding it.
As luck would have it Atsumu didn't seem put off by his initiation, quite the opposite actually. As once more he felt his head come to lie on his shoulder, and the entirety of their sides touch, all the way from their shoulders to their knees.
“Good night?” Kiyoomi half asked, half stated. Seeing as when the episode they were watching came to an end Atsumu looked about ready to fall asleep right there on his shoulder.
“I’m awake,” Atsumu said, getting betrayed by the yawn that followed immediately afterwards.
“I’m sure you are,” Kiyoomi quipped. “It’s fine if you’re tired, its late anyway.”
He heard Atsumu mumble something about him being right about it being late, as he felt Atsumu lifting himself off of him. Much to his surprise he started to lift the blankets off of himself as well.
“What are you doing Miya?”
“Oh well I figured ya wouldn’t want me sleepin’ in the bed with ya,” Atsumu admitted. Reaching for his bracelet again, a habit Kiyoomi had started noticing a while ago.
“I’m not making you sleep on the couch it’s fine,” Kiyoomi said. Suddenly it dawned on him that Atsumu might not be comfortable with it, so he added “unless that’s what you want of course.”
“If ya don’t mind I think I’ll take the bed.”
With that Atsumu went to lie down again, only this time he didn't feel the mattress sinking under Atsumu’s weight next him—he was lying down at very other side of the bed.
“I don’t bite Miya, you don’t have to lie right on the edge of the mattress,” Kiyoomi said facetiously.
So he scooted a few centimeters over to the middle, and Kiyoomi had to hold back a chuckle as Atsumu was still pretty much entirely on the edge of the mattress.
“Come here,” Kiyoomi said. Stretching out his arm, urging him to come lie with him once more.
“Ya don’t mind?” Atsumu asked hesitantly, yet crawling over to him all the same.
“No.”
With that he felt Atsumu’s body pressed against him again, a heavy, yet surprisingly comforting weight. The longest bits of Atsumu’s hair tickling his neck as he’s resting his head on Kiyoomi’s shoulder.
He felt his arm going numb from the way Atsumu was lying on it, still he didn't feel the urge to move—not wanting to disturb the moment. He was currently listening to Atsumu’s opinion on a book he had mentioned that he was reading, which Atsumu decided to read as well.
Safe to say they have very different tastes in media, luckily for him though it wasn’t anything horror—this time at least.
Once Atsumu had caught him up to where exactly he was in the book, and shared every little thought he had about it, he fell silent. They sat in silence for a little while and he was half expecting Atsumu to fall asleep any second now before he spoke again.
“Can I tell ya something?” Atsumu whispered, nesting his head even further into the crook of Kiyoomi’s neck, tickling Kiyoomi’s neck with his breath every word he spoke.
“Go ahead,” Kiyoomi said. His hand finding its way onto Atsumu’s leg again, which was half thrown over his own.
Now that they were properly cuddling, he realized that he unknowingly started looking forward to the small touches Atsumu seemed to give out so carelessly. Like putting his hand on someones arm while talking to them, hugging his teammates after they scored a point, letting their knees touch whilst sitting next to each other, and many more.
“I think yer the first real close friend I’ve ever had.”
Kiyoomi’s hand stilled on his leg for just a second, before resuming tracing little lines again. That was probably the furthest thing from what he expected him to say.
“Miya, I have hard time believing that’s true,” Kiyoomi said. And he fully meant it, Atsumu was the type of person who seemed to love being in the spotlight, the type to have loads of friends.
“I think it is though,” Atsumu said. His voice coming out barely above a whisper, if he wasn’t listening as close as he was he would've missed it. But he’s always paying attention to him, he just couldn’t help it—even if he tried not to he just kept finding Atsumu everywhere.
Even in places where Atsumu wasn’t physically present, everything seemed to remind him of either Atsumu himself, something he had told him about, or just something that reminded him of the other.
“What about Suna, and people from high school, or the guys from volleyball?”
“Suna’s just ‘Samu’s boyfriend, they’ve been together since forever. Everyone’s always just friends with ‘Samu and unfortunately for them, I am a byproduct of that. And ya have met Shouyou and Bokuto, they’re friends with everyone.”
“Don’t put it like that Miya, you’re not just a byproduct. You’re an amazing friend to have, no matter how you became friends, I’m certain they feel the same.”
He had a hard time envisioning Atsumu not being surrounded by a big group of people who he called his friends, and vice versa. Even thinking of him not being able to make friends of his own and becoming friends with the people Osamu choose to befriend made him feel like he didn’t know Atsumu at all.
“It’s true, I’m not very likeable Omi,” Atsumu said. It was evident in his voice he was holding back tears, Kiyoomi hated it. He couldn’t stand the thought of Atsumu thinking he wasn’t likeable, when he was so easy for him to like.
“You’ve got to be nicer to yourself Miya, you’re plenty likable. I like you, and that's certainly not how I feel about most people. I promise you that the right people will like you, and they’ll show you they do. But they can only do that if you let them.”
“Omi ya hafta stop being so nice, yer gonna make me cry.”
“Then cry Atsumu, you’re allowed to.”
apparently that was all Atsumu needed to hear to finally allow himself to let loose the tears he was holding back. Kiyoomi had a feeling this was something he’s been needing to let go for a long time now.
“Come here,” Kiyoomi said. He made an attempt to maneuver Atsumu fully on top of him, although it proved itself rather hard without Atsumu’s assistance.
“I’m gonna get ya all wet like this Omi,” Atsumu said. Letting himself be moved on top of him regardless.
“I think I’ll survive,” Kiyoomi said softly. Moving his now free hand into Atsumu’s hair, gently scratching has scalp. Letting his other arm rest on his back, tracing non existing patterns into the fabric of his shirt, feeling the print of the constellation beneath his finger tips.
From the sound of Atsumu’s sniffling slowly getting less—until it faded into nothingness, and the rising and falling of his chest evening out, and subsequently getting less frequent, it didn’t take long for Atsumu to fall asleep in Kiyoomi’s embrace.
Neither did it take long for himself to fall asleep. The comforting weight of Atsumu on top of him, and the feeling of his warmth seeping through both their clothing was all he needed to fall asleep. Only letting himself do so after being sure Atsumu was as well.
Being able to hold Atsumu was something he’d never even considered as an option, but now that he was doing it he knew this would be a feeling he’d long for many more times to come. It felt nice being allowed to hold Atsumu—he could only hope Atsumu shared that feeling. Hope that it made him feel cared for, to help him see that the people in his life cared about him, and did actually like him for who he was and not just his brother.