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It was never really easy ever since Steve has left. He’s not technically dead, no. He’s somewhere out there living a life that he has always mourned for. With the love of his life and a kid. After being used to doing everything for his close ones, protecting them, he finally chose what was the best for himself. After all, he has never truly let go of his past. Maybe that’s why he never got serious with Natasha or Sharon. Maybe that was partly the reason why he was so ready to risk it all for his dear friend - Bucky Barnes. Perhaps Bucky was some sort of anchor that reminded him of his life back then. So when Steve finally got an amazing opportunity to go back in time, he didn’t miss it.
Life is supposed to be good now. Avengers have returned half the population back. Families and friends are back together. But it’s so challenging to catch up with time when the world has been going on for 5 years without you. However, having someone by your side might help.
Bucky and Sam’s relationship wasn’t so smooth from the very start due to Bucky’s PTSD. Sam had texted him, he always did. The thing was that he never got a response. Bucky was avoiding basically any type of communication, which was worsening his state. However, the whole Walker-is-a-new-cap situation made him finally reach out to Sam just to confront him about giving up the shield, which was so important, since it was Steve’s heritage.
Their journey was… something. Very feisty and complicated. It seemed like they really weren’t made for each other and it made absolutely no sense that they both are Roger’s closest friends. Yeah, they were really getting on each other's nerves. However, as they were forced to do some work together, they started growing on each other. It wasn’t instant, but slow and undeliberate. How surprising it was when Bucky found himself working on the family boat, spending time with Sarah and her sweet kids. That seemed pretty intimate. Something that only close friends would do. Well, they liked to convince themselves that it was just a friendly thing at first, but it was getting too hard to fight it. Hell, they were hopelessly in love with each other.
It didn’t feel right. Bucky told himself that it’s nothing when his stomach did a thing when Sam was lying on the seats looking like a snack, or when he would laugh at his joke about his extravagant costume. Can’t a guy admire another man anymore?
Sam was dealing with the same thing. The difference was that he didn’t restrain himself that much. He kind of accepted that Bucky wasn't indifferent to him, he never really tried to get rid of his feelings. But he didn’t dive all in either. There was no chance of them getting together.
Well, that’s what he thought.
It was a great evening when they both were sitting in a small local bar with dim lights. The conversation was flowing just perfectly and the laughter of both of them were filling the room. Sam had drunk quite a lot though. Two wine bottles was a crazy amount, especially considering the fact that he wasn’t usually like that. Bucky even felt a little jealous since it was impossible for him to get drunk. He missed getting loose so easily.
Sam was acting a bit too relaxed. Alcohol had taken over him and he just spilled everything he had wanted to say out like it wasn’t serious.
“You know what, Buck? I love you, man” he said with a proud smile on his face while placing a firm hand on his friend’s shoulder. It sounded too casual for something that was actually so profound for him.
That made Bucky’s heart sink for a moment. Hearing these words from the man for whom he secretly cared so much for felt so surreal. But he had to remind himself that Sam didn’t mean it like that and was just happy to have him as his mate.
“Can’t believe I’m saying that but I love you too, buddy” as he shrugged. Bucky almost had to force those words out. He could feel a lump in his throat forming and it hurt him because he knew that they two meant two different types of love. But hey, love is love and it comes in all kinds. That’s what he told himself.
“No” Sam let out a sigh “you don’t understand me, I’m saying that I love you. Like, actually love you” he furrowed his eyebrows like he was seriously offended by this miscommunication.
Bucky couldn’t find any words to respond with at first. Because what do you even do in this situation? The man that he was hopelessly in love with was basically confessing his feelings to him right now but deep down he knew that this isn’t it. The very obvious drunk note in his voice was like a cold shower , a reminder that he’s not being for real. “Oh, these drinks do something to you” he muttered.
Sam was staring at him like he just heard something from the stupidest human being alive. Confusion and even frustration was written all over his face. “No, they don’t! I love you, okay? Is it that hard to understand that? I have been in love with you for a while now!” He raised his voice which made the bartender shoot them a glance.
“No, stop doing that, Sam” Bucky cut him off and he stood from his seat and began to lift Sam from his seat too because there was no way that they were making a scene . in public. He dragged Sam outside the bar. Cold night air suddenly hit them, causing shivers.
“So what the hell was that?” Bucky slightly raised his voice. He could feel his breaths getting shorter and mind more blurry.
“I said what I said, Buck. Yes, I am in love with you, can you believe it? And I am tired of pretending that I’m not, I am tired of maintaining the image of a perfect black captain when all I wanna do is to be with you!” he snapped. Seems like he’s been holding those words for a long time.
Bucky’s expression shifted as he started to believe Sam. He has never sounded like that but he still couldn’t believe it. It made no sense. “I… I don’t know” was all he could say.
That made Sam take a deep breath in and close his eyes. He was really getting on his nerves while he was confessing his love to him. “That’s fine, Buck. If you don’t want it then-”
Sam was cut off by the sudden crash of Bucky’s lips on his. He was so caught off guard that he couldn’t process what was going on at first but after a brief moment he returned the kiss.
The kiss wasn’t gentle or sweet, it was rather hungry and deliberate. Like a whole making out session. Bucky soon leaned in and deepened the kiss even more, his hands were grabbing the back of Sam’s head, meanwhile his were on his shoulders. The tongues dancing together and fighting for dominance. The kind of dance that spoke instead of words. Sam couldn’t help but sigh into the kiss. Maybe it was a sigh of relief, of lust or it was just the fact that he was running out of air. Probably all three. Soon being out of breath, Bucky was the first to break the kiss. His eyes fell onto Sam’s face immediately to see his reaction. He felt like his heart was about to jump out of his chest. The last time he had felt a rush of adrenaline like this was probably back in the 40s when he first fought in an actual war.
Sam found his eyes. Not so long after he killed the distance first and kissed him again. This time it was more gentle, not so rushed. Now they didn’t have to prove each other anything.
It’s been a year and a half now. They were still dating. It wasn’t easy, not at all. The obstacles that they had to overcome felt too challenging sometimes. That level of challenge when they were on verge of breaking up, but it has never happened. Maintaining a healthy relationship with a traumatised ex assassin wasn’t something on Sam’s bucket list, but here we are. You can’t command your feelings, neither can you tell your heart to stop feeling anything. Sam has already tried but he lost in that battle. So whenever things got complicated between them they would figure it out. Slowly, not so effectively, but they did in fact visit a relationship psychologist and just do any recommended stuff to strengthen their genuine bond. So they were doing pretty great now that they found each other. However, when Bucky got into politics, everything went down.
“Congressman Barnes, could you please tell us what congress is planning to do now that the petrol has increased its price by about 5 percent?” Another journalist shoved the mic in his face and basically forced him to talk in front of the camera. Gosh, he had no idea what to think about it. It just never crossed his mind.
“Well, that’s no good… yes, it’s bad, very bad and um… thank you” giving not exactly a good response, he excused himself to finally get through that loud crowd of nosy reporters who kept asking questions like he had something to say.
He thought that politics would be an amazing way to help his recovery therapy. Besides that, he would finally be able to fix his public image. He thought that he could show civilians that he is nothing like the winter soldier anymore, that he wished only the best for the city.
He had been doing great since meeting Sam and dating him, so he kept working on his state. Well, that’s what he thought he was doing. He never fancied politics, never wanted to be involved, but life is full of surprises. And today he is a congressman. Bucky himself didn’t expect that people would actually vote for him, knowing his past. But he did win. Thanks to all the young women. Their votes matter. And now he lives quite a different life. He has to attend meetings where a load of men in suits gather and talk about important things, he has to face being a very public persona now and welcome all the features that are attached to this. But his career wasn’t that bad, he tried his best. He learned the speeches, he got some pr training but he still couldn’t tie a tie properly. His boyfriend did that for him every morning like it was an unspoken rule.
And they never went public. Apparently, congressman Barnes had to follow a specific image. He’s living a new life now, is really invested in politics and is single. He is not seeing anyone and is always open to talk to beautiful women like they have a chance. An image like that was supposed to maintain his reputation.
The metal sound of the keys opening the door was heard. Daddy’s home. Bucky closed the door behind him, nonchalantly took his shoes off and dropped his bag somewhere on the floor, not even bothering to care about the laptop that was in there. He could hear the sound of tv playing in the living room. Sam was sitting on the couch there and staring at the screen. His gaze is instant and when his guy walked in he just stole a glance and kept watching TV, not even bothering to stand up and greet him properly. Bucky sat next to him, the couch dipped where he sat under his weight.
There was news playing. A man and a lady were talking about… him. Oh no, Bucky knows where this is about to go.
“Brand new congressman Barnes is doing pretty good lately! Getting sixty six percent of the vote he has won and now he attends congress meetings. And it seems to me that he is a smooth criminal! Isn’t he, Rachel?” A man turned his head to his coworker. Sam furrowed his eyebrows slightly.
“Oh yes, he is. And apparently, the man is single”
And then there is a fragment of him answering the question about his personal life. “You know, even though I have a serious career now, I still don’t have a ring on my finger!” Followed with a charming smile. Bucky cringed at himself like it was not him, totally not him.
“So ladies, I think y’all can get your hopes up!” Rachel said.
That was the moment when Sam picked up the TV remote control and turned that annoying program off. He finally turned his head at Bucky and sighed as he looked him up and down. He was wearing a polished suit, a nice shirt underneath with a blue tie that he tied for him hours before. His hair was slicked. That was not him.
“You finished with your day?” Those words sounded like bullets from Sam’s mouth. His tone wasn’t exactly friendly.
Bucky cleared his throat. “Yep, I am.” Silence. A very awkward one. “You?”
That made Sam sigh from frustration. “There is no need to lie about your personal life, Buck. You are letting everybody else decide who you get to be”
“It’s just politics, man”
“No, it’s you”
“I know, Sam, that’s just a public image! My PR team works on that a lot, it’s not like I’m dumping you, okay?” He put an arm behind where Sam was sitting like they were having a normal conversation.
“Then what does it make you? You hide, pretend to be someone else, why? People will like you, but it’s not Bucky, that’s just a coward asshole” he snapped.
Bucky was taken aback by the sudden shout but didn’t snap back. He knew better than that because deep down he knew that Sam had a point.
“What about me, Buck? I was basically forced into becoming Captain America! Steve left me shoes that are too big to fill. The whole country prays for that man, yet here I am, a black man without the serum. But I’m still here” he spread his hands in the air.
Bucky didn’t answer him, Sam left no room for words, he was right and that was eating Bucky from the inside. A weird feeling spread all over his chest. The weight of guilt made his heart too heavy. He was too blind and too invested in the whole new politician thing that he abandoned the moral. Sam was someone that he genuinely admired, he was always mesmerised by the way Sam still stands on the ground despite all the criticism he is getting on a daily basis. And he has never changed a thing about himself. Let that sink in.
“I’m sorry. I am sorry, Sam” Bucky turned his head at him and Sam could read the sincere understanding written on his face. He scanned over his face one more time just to make sure he was not faking it, but that was not the case. “I should have known better than that”
That made Sam’s heart melt despite the pain he was feeling just a minute before so he couldn’t help but wrap arms around Bucky, taking him into a warm embrace. They were so pressed together that they could feel each other's heart beating. Bucky gently placed his chin on Sam’s firm shoulder. That was a hug of comfort. Meanwhile Sam was taking into Bucky's familiar scent with his eyes closed.
Maybe, that’s what the home really is about.