Chapter Text
Kakashi regarded his students carefully as they ran laps. He studied each of them closely, trying to gauge their readiness for his next training session.
Sakura was past due for it. He'd be surprised if she didn't already know the bare bone basics of it. Kunoichi were always the most vulnerable in that area and were often carefully instructed from a very young age. Plus, she had parents. Kakashi had spent more than one uncomfortable dinner assuring the very loving couple about the safety of their daughter in his hands, and Mrs. Haruno with her lovely smoked fish dishes hadn't stuck him as the type to coddle her daughter. Mr. Haruno was another matter, but he was also a total pushover so Kakashi doubted the man got much say in his own household.
Sasuke would be problematic. The boy put up such a strong front in that area, but Kakashi very much doubted he had a clue about anything. He actually didn't think the boy was ready for this bit of training, but Kakashi knew that if he waited for Sasuke to be ready the Uchiha heir would be going gray and wrinkly. Not to mention, Kakashi didn't even have an idea of which direction the boy'd go. No, putting it off would do Sasuke no good at all. Better to get it over with before he learned the hard way.
Naruto would also be a problem, but in an entirely different way. For all that his actions seemed to scream that he knew things, Kakashi had a hard time thinking the kid knew anything of substance. He'd have to beat out any preconceived notions from the idiot's mind before he could teach him right. Which would take time and effort because most things with Naruto required that.
It'd be nice if he could sit his whole team down and go through the training all in one go, but he knew that wouldn't be an option. Genin were notorious for trying to escape this block of training, and, quite frankly, Kakashi knew his team well enough to appreciate that they had a better chance of escaping any trap he set up if they were all together.
He'd have to stagger them. Sasuke first because the boy would straight up disappear if he had the slightest inkling of what was coming. Naruto next because he'd be too dense to realize the warning signs. Sakura last because he had actual hope that the girl wouldn't need as much effort or training, and Kakashi would need to end the day on an easy note.
Plan of attack decided, Kakashi closed his book with a snap that got him three turned heads and poorly concealed looks of hope. "Four more laps," Naruto didn't hide his groan as the kids staggered past him. Tired and sweaty and sounding like a stampeding horde. He wondered if he should've left off borrowing some of Gai's training regiments for all of two seconds.
"And when you're done we can talk about tomorrow's training," Kakashi cheerfully called out to the back of his student's heads, "while you do two more laps. On your hands."
Naruto's groan turned into a yelp as one of his teammates bitch slapped him too quickly for Kakashi to see. He hummed in pleasure as he opened his book up again and skipped ahead a chapter to the really interesting bits.
~
"Stupid, Pig!" Sakura ran through the streets, dodging people and weaving her way to the training grounds. She was late for training. Not just a few minutes late, she was late enough to give even Kakashi pause. Stupid Ino and her stupid fashion magazine and those stupid boots that Sakura had spent way too much time staring at.
Not that she could really blame herself if she let the time slip away from her. She was used to training early in the day and having her afternoons to herself. She'd never had to meet up for anything that wasn't a mission this late in the day before. As Sakura skidded to a halt in their usual training field she wondered what was so special about this training that Kakashi had to take them on individually.
Glancing around wildly, Sakura relaxed slightly when she only spoted Naruto. Kakashi was nowhere in sight. Sakura joged up to her teammate, still looking for their team leader and wondering if she could get away with using one of his own excuses on him, "Naruto, where's Kakashi?"
Naruto started badly at her voice, and his head swung up. Sakura frowned at how pale the usually active boy looked, his blue eyes dazed and seem to be looking right through her as he slowly shook his head. Not saying anything. Anything at all, and that was more than a little terrifying to Sakura who had just gotten used to the loudmouth's never ending chatter.
"N-Naruto?" Sakura crouched before him and hesitantly reached out to feel his forehead, but aborted the move when he flinched back from her hand. "What happened? Was- was the training that bad? Or-"
Sakura nearly screamed as something uncurled from a branch above them and droped to the ground with a feral hiss. She has a kunai out and was in a defensive stance before she realized it was Sasuke. Crouched next to a mumbling Naruto who didn't react at all to the sudden move. His dark eyes were just as dazed as Naruto's but look wilder, more dangerous and Sakura took another uneasy step back. "Sasuke?"
The boys went absolutely still, eyes widening in something too close to fear for Sakura's comfort and locking on something just over her right shoulder. Sakura whirled, blade out and ready to run from whatever made her normally strong and courageous teammates shake.
Kakashi smiled benevolently down at her. Hands in his pockets as he mildly said, "Ah, there you are. I was starting to think I'd have to hunt you down."
Thoughts of how tardy she was had fled Sakura's mind upon seeing Naruto and Sasuke, and they didn't come back as she pointed to the boys, "There's something wrong with them! What happened?"
"There's nothing wrong with them," Kakashi scoffed and barely spared a glance at the cowering boys who were --Sakura glanced back-- using Sakura as a physical shield as they continued to stare at Kakashi with haunted eyes. "They're just being idiots. Now," Kakashi fixed her with a stern gaze as he swept his hand out away from the boys, "come with me. There's a few things I need to explain to you and I'd rather not have to do it over their screams."
"I- but-" the instinct to obey her team leader fought with her natural instinct to run, and Sakura's knees locked in the confusion. A whimper --Naruto or Sasuke, she couldn't tell-- nearly broke the stalemate, inciting her to run, but Kakashi had already become too impatient and grabbed her.
"Don't be like that, Sakura. It's not as bad as they think," Kakashi said as he fixed a disappointed look on the boys.
She squeaked as she was firmly but gently tugged away. Kakashi walked into the woods, dragging her to a fallen log where a pile of scrolls and familiar orange books waited on the ground. She noticed the pile of shredded rope and obvious signs of struggle as she was deposited on the log. Kakashi loomed over her, deadly serious as he asked, "Alright, Sakura, what do you know about the birds and the bees?"
~
Naruto trudged through the streets. Oddly sullen for a trip that would end at Ichiraku's for dinner. One that he wouldn't be paying for even. Kakashi figured he owed his students that much for the "trauma." At least he was aware of his surroundings again, and not mumbling about perverts every few seconds.
Sasuke matched Naruto's pace. The normally sullen boy wouldn't seem any different if he didn't hiss at anyone who looked at him too long. Female or male, because Kakashi wasn't going to be the teacher who didn't prepare his student for every possibility.
He allowed himself to chuckle as he turned a page in his book. They'd get over it soon enough, and be better off for the knowledge in the long run. Sure, maybe they were too young for the practical advice he'd given them, but they'd thank him later for it when they were fumbling their way towards losing their virginity.
Ichiraku loomed up before them and Naruto seemed to perk up a bit at the tantalizing scent of ramen. Kakashi chuckled again and hitched up Sakura's dead weight higher on his back, ignoring the way her pointy chin dug into his shoulder. It was only a few more feet before he could set her down onto a stool and get some warm food into all their stomachs.
"Four bowls, please," Kakashi nodded a greeting at the owner, who looked down right worried at Naruto's less than enthusiastic greeting. Sasuke's glare didn't seem to faze him, though the way he glared Ayame down did get a raised eyebrow. Kakashi moved to the stool next to the perpetually angry boy and tried to offload his burden into her usual seat.
Sakura's arms and legs tightened around him, and Kakashi blinked as a tug at the offending appendages dragged a very feral growl from his usually sweet student. A second tug only made her tighten her grip to the point of near strangulation. Kakashi sighed in defeat and offered up his book. Sakura snatched the book away and slid off his back like an eel, settling onto the stool and burying her nose in the orange covered book. Her eyes darted rapidly across the page as Kakashi settled next to her.
The look on Naruto's face was pure horror as he whimpered, "Sakura...."
Sakura grunted but didn't look up from the book, and Kakashi didn't blame her one bit. He fondly remembered the very first time he'd read that scene and knew he hadn't been much better. The use of restraints in that scene had been truly inspired, and Kakashi would have seriously hurt anyone who interrupted his reading.
Sasuke unbent enough to turn his usual disdainful glare on the girl, "How can you stand to read that trash?"
"Shut up! It's not trash," Sakura reached out and aimed a poor smack at Sasuke that missed but still stunned both boys. Kakashi made a note to better train her on using her peripheral later. Maybe with another book, because there was no better way to learn that particular skill. "You're just pussies."
Bowls of steaming ramen clattered a little too loudly onto the bar in the ensuing silence. Naruto and Sasuke looked downright scandalized, and Kakashi worried that they were heading for another breakdown as he waited for them to turn away enough to pull his mask down and eat. All in all, it wasn't a bad end for the day. He'd actually anticipated much worse going into it.
A warm bit of pride for his students came to life in his chest.
"Kakashi," Sakura peeled her eyes away from the book enough to look up at him with big, pleading eyes, "do they have an all boys version of this?"
Naruto made a truly indescribable sound as his eyes went vacant, broth dripping down his face. Sasuke curled up on the stool and shuddered in horror. Kakashi felt his throat become tight and blinked rapidly as a tear threatened to escape his eye. He gripped his favorite student tightly and managed to choke out, "Yes, yes there is Sakura."
Kakashi had the best students in the world.