Work Text:
MIDNA: Woman, 23
ZELDA: Woman, 21
LINK: Man, 22
PEACH: Woman, 24
Time: Present day, early evening
Place: New York apartment shared by all four characters
Setting: A couch sits up against a window with a coffee table in front of the couch. One door sits stage left and another sits stage right
Zelda is sprawled across the couch scrolling on her phone. Midna enters from stage right blasting the Mii theme at full volume from her phone. Zelda sits up, still slouching against the back
ZELDA: (groaning) Midna! For the love of god, please turn down that music. I have a hangover.
MIDNA: That sounds like a you problem, not a mii problem. Anyways, I just needed to get your attention. I need to talk to you about something.
ZELDA: I don’t know if I’m in the best state to really help you, but I can listen.
Midna stops the music and goes to sit next to Zelda
MIDNA: So, this is a weird thing that’s come up, but I don’t know who else to talk to cause this is not an ask Link situation.
ZELDA: When is it ever an ask Link situation?
MIDNA: Zelda! He’s your Boyfriend!
ZELDA: And? That just means I can say shit like that and get away with it.
MIDNA: Ok, ok, ok. What I was trying to say is that... (hesitates) (rushing) I think I’m in love with Peach and I don’t know if I should tell her.
Midna buries her head in her hands. Zelda sits straight up and looks straight at Midna, smirking.
ZELDA: Wo! I win the bet!
Midna looks up, confused.
MIDNA: What bet?
ZELDA; Oh, I just bet Link and Akira that you were in love with Peach. Adriel was on my side.
MIDNA: Dear god, it was that obvious?
ZELDA: I was suspicious after I noticed how you acted when Link and I started dating. I expected you to be a little bit more upset since he’s your ex, but you just didn’t care. Then about a week after that Adriel straight up asked me if you were bi, since she is too and has a good eye for things like that.
MIDNA: Of course, Adriel asked you that.
ZELDA: I said I didn’t know, so she and I paid close attention to you and when we tried to bring it up to the guys, they were like (Male imitation voice)“No way she likes peach, you're just reading into it too much” (Normal voice) so we made a bet.
MIDNA: How did you know before I knew.
ZELDA: You are way more obvious than you think you are. Anyways, I think you should tell her.
MIDNA: What if she doesn’t feel the same?
ZELDA: Then you take the rejection and go on with your life. Oh well.
Zelda shrugs. Link enters from stage right, scrolling on his phone. He looks up and spots Zelda and Midna and waves.
LINK: Oh, hey guys. Whatcha doing.
ZELDA: Just talking. What about you?
LINK: I was actually coming in to print Midna’s birthday party invites.
Link walks over to the couch and kisses Zelda. Peach enters from stage left and sighs loudly.
ZELDA: What was that for?
PEACH: My level of gay has reached “sighing deeply whenever anything extremely heterosexual happens near me”. That’s why.
Zelda rolls her eyes.
PEACH: Why be in a relationship anyways? What do people in relationships even do?
ZELDA: Care about someone with your whole heart and dedicate your life to making them happy.
PEACH: Okay. Didn’t ask.
LINK: Asks question. “Didn’t Ask”
PEACH: Thanks for the play by play, captain obvious.
Midna Sinks back into the couch before Zelda pushes her to stand up.
MIDNA: Um, Peach...
PEACH: Yeah?
MIDNA: Would you... Would there be a possibility you might... Would you go on a walk with me!
PEACH: (Face softening) Midna. Of course I’ll go on a walk with you. Do you mean like now. I have the evening off so now works for me.
MIDNA: (Blushing) Yeah, no works for me too.
Peach opens the door and gestures for Midna to follow. Midna walks to the door and they exit stage left together. The printer prints several things. When it’s finished, Link walks over to it and grabs the papers.
LINK: Goddamn it, the printer broke while printing out Midna’s birthday invitations.
ZELDA: Well, what are they supposed to say?
LINK: Midna’s birthday.
ZELDA: So, what do they say instead?
LINK: Midna’s bi.
ZELDA: Works out either way.
LINK: (Surprised) What?!
END SCENE
SCENE TWO
Setting: The parking lot of a mcdonalds.
Midna and Peach are sitting on a curb on stage right, laughing
MIDNA: I’m glad you were willing to go on a walk with me.
PEACH: I needed an excuse to get out of the house anyway. Zelda and Link have been bothering me these last couple of weeks.
MIDNA: Do you really dislike relationships that much?
PEACH: Nah. I don’t normally mind people in relationships, but for whatever reason whenever I look at the two of them, I get a weird feeling.
MIDNA: What sort of a feeling?
PEACH: I don’t know. It’s a feeling in my gut, uh, kinda like jealousy. But I have nothing to be jealous of them for.
MIDNA: Weird
PEACH: Anyways, did you have a specific reason you wanted to go on a walk with me or did you just need to get out of the house like me?
MIDNA: I mean, I did need to get out of the house, but I also wanted to hang out with you.
PEACH: Fair, I am awesome to hang out with.
MIDNA: Yeah...
They sit in silence for a few seconds.
MIDNA: (Rushing) I don’t know how to say this, so I’m just going to come out and say it. I’m in love with you!
Peach stares at Midna, surprised
MIDNA: I’m sorry, I ruined everything, didn’t I? You can just forget I said anything,
Midna stands up and tries to walk away. Peach grabs her hand and stands up.
MIDNA: What are you doing?
PEACH: Getting rid of that weird feeling.
Peach pulls Midna towards herself and kisses her. Midna stands in shock. Peach pulls back still holding Midna’s arms.
PEACH: Was that ok?
MIDNA: That was more than ok.
Midna pulls Peach into a deep kiss.
END SCENE