Chapter Text
Katsy hides slightly behind Kinger as they exit the pillow fort. It's not that she's afraid of the others — Okay no. She is afraid of them. Or, more specifically, their reactions. But, she did agree to be the one to tell them, since she won't mince words about it. She takes a deep breath, and side-steps Kinger to stand in front of the others.
"Okay guys," Katsy says, "We've got good news and bad news. Good news: our birthdays and old names are all recorded in the files!"
"That's… really good actually," Zooble says.
Jax narrows his eyes, "So what's the bad news?"
"We're legally considered C&A's company property," Katsy deadpans, "Which means we no longer have any of the legal rights and protections we used to."
"… Oh shit," Pomni mutters.
Katsy nods grimly.
"Any leads on an exit?" Gangle asks.
"No, that's not an option in the cards anyway," Katsy replies, "I mean, we're all brainscans, so how are we expected to leave? We did find coordinates listed for each one of us though, all to different places in the woods next to the C&A building we all got here from."
"Coordinates in the woods?" Jax asks, "Are we sure this isn't just some… I dunno, cheap ass horror set up?"
"Wh— I didn't do this!" Caine sputters.
"Didn't say you did," Jax retorts, "But somebody definitely did."
"But why?" Zooble asks, "This shit makes no sense!"
"We know it doesn't," Kinger carefully interjects, "But we also don't know any more than you do. We only just found all of this, but you needed to know this too. So we have to put our heads together and figure this out, although it's gonna take a lot of time, and we don't even have to do it yet if you aren't ready."
"So we're all just… copies?" Pomni asks, "We're not real?"
"Of course you're real!" Caine says, "Is a copy of a PNG not still a PNG? Just because you're copies doesn't mean you're not real humans!"
No one speaks for a while. Katsy sits down on the floor, and leans back against the pillow fort. She closes her eyes, and sighs. She feels Caine sit down with her, and lean into her side.
"… Could we see our names?" Gangle asks.
"Of course," Kinger replies, "Though I would rather you each come in one at a time. There's not a ton of space in the fort, and I don't think anyone would like being crowded around in there, heh."
Each of them goes in, then comes out. Each with a tiny smile or a soft frown, and a little sheet of paper. Katsy doesn't join them. She already saw her name, saw her birthday. She doesn't need to see them again. Besides, she doesn't… really connect to her old name. It doesn't feel like hers. Maybe its because she's gone nine years without it, maybe its the fact she holds no memories of it before she saw it today, who knows. Katsy finds it hard to really care. It's not her name anymore, it hasn't been for years. … She wonders if Ragatha and Kinger feel the same.
Someone sits down next to her.
"Um," Pomni starts, "What… What was your name?"
"Does it matter?" Katsy asks.
"Huh?"
"I mean, I've been Katsy for years. So does it matter what I was called out there?"
"… I think it does."
"That's nice. But I don't want you to know. I'm still just Katsy. That's the only name I need."
"Okay," Pomni pauses, "Could I tell you mine, though?"
"Sure."
"Penny. Penny Taylor."
"'S a nice name."
"Thanks, I just wish it didn't feel so… weird."
Katsy turns to her, "What do you mean?"
"I— I mean, like, I've only been here a few weeks or something, right? But everything outside feels so… distant, now. Like all of that out there was a dream, even though it wasn't. So my real name feels weird too, feels like a dream, because I can't remember it. … The real Penny is still out there somewhere, completely unaware that she left me behind. She doesn't know I exist at all. And I don't… I don't know how to feel about it."
Pomni buries her head in her knees. Katsy frowns, and pulls her tail out from around Caine to wrap it loosely around Pomni instead. Pomni sniffles, but gives a fragile smile.
Katsy hums, "… Maybe you don't need to feel any way about it at all."
Pomni looks up at her.
"Like, I dunno," Katsy shrugs, "You don't have to know how to feel about it yet. You just relearned it, and like— Y'know, sometimes you just… gotta go with the flow or whatever. Figure it out whenever, there's no pressure to understand. No time limits or shit like that, yeah?"
"Yeah…"
Pomni lightly pets Katsy's tail, prompting a low purr to rumble from her chest. Next to her, Katsy feels Caine's avatar sharpen, the lights of the Circus dim into soft blue hues. Katsy's eyes flutter closed, and she drifts into sleep.
"—n't wake her!" someone hisses.
Katsy's ear twitches lightly.
"I won't!" someone else whispers, "She sleeps like the dead, anyway!"
There's a crick in her neck. Katsy shifts, stretches, and leans back onto the pillow(?) she's sleeping against.
"… Oh thank God," the first voice whispers, "Damn it, Caine, I told you you're being too loud!"
"No I'm not!" the second voice hisses, "She's slept through much louder!"
Katsy yawns, then lets herself go boneless. Her eyes flutter slightly, showing reds and blues in stripes. She grumbles a bit as her pillow(?) moves under her.
"You really need to be qu—"
Katsy drifts off.
"—ake her back to her room, if you're getting uncomfortable?" a voice whispers.
"No, no," another whispers, "That's much more likely to wake her than any noise."
"…Really?"
Katsy snuffles. Her nose itches.
"You're whispering too damn loud!" someone else hisses.
"I can't get any quieter," the first voice whispers, "Sorry."
"I can be quieter," the second voice whispers, "But then you won't be able to hear me."
Katsy sneezes, then shifts over to her other side.
"… She's still asleep, right?" the third voice whispers.
"Yep," the second voice murmurs, "Just a bit of restlessness. She won't remember it wh—"
Katsy bolts upright, "THE GRASS IS TURNING BLUE."
"… What?" Pomni asks.
Katsy stares through her.
"… Hello?" Pomni waves a hand in front of Katsy's face. No response.
Katsy stumbles to her feet, and takes a few steps away. Without looking up, Caine grabs her and gently pulls her back down.
"I don't wanna go to fishes…" Katsy grumbles.
"Is she… sleep walking?" Pomni asks.
"Is that what it's called?" Caine blinks, "I didn't know there was a name for it. But yes, that's probably what she—"
Bleary eyes crack open to the dim light of the Circus's night cycle. Katsy shuffles herself upright. Caine appears to have left, but Pomni is still there.
"Are you awake?" Pomni asks.
"… Why would I not be?" Katsy replies, "I'm sitting up, aren't I?"
"You were sleepwalking, or something, earlier," Pomni says, "So I wanted to make sure before I called the others over."
"Called them over for what?" Katsy asks.
"We need to talk about what happened. Like, actually talk."
'… I don't want to.' Katsy sighs, and nods. Pomni nods back, and walks away to collect the rest of the troupe. 'I really don't want to talk about it. We have to. They're expecting answers. I don't care. I do. Yeah, I care. We shouldn't have to explain. Tough shit."
"Alright," Pomni walks back into Katsy's line of sight, "We're all here."
Jax doesn't hesitate, "What the fuck was that, huh?"
"You'll have to be more specific," Katsy states.
"That whole fucking stunt!" Jax says, "Screaming and yelling at us like, I don't know, like we killed your fucking dog in front of you!"
"… I hate to ever agree with Jax," Zooble says, "But we deserve answers."
"No you don't, no you fucking don't," Katsy says, then cringes, "Sorry, sorry, I didn't— Yes I did— I didn't—"
Gold splits off, "I did mean what I said! You don't fucking speak for me!"
Zooble inclines their head at her, still looking at Katsy, "Yeah, explain that."
"Don't fucking talk about me like I'm not here!" Gold shouts, "You think I don't fucking hear you? Think I'm stupid??"
"Wh— No, Gold," Ragatha stammers, "No-one's saying that—"
"Shut the fuck up Rags," Jax interrupts, "I wanna hear what the fuckwit has to say. You jumped right in and just started defending your freaky little boyfriend — who, mind you, had been tormenting us for days. If you ask me, I'd say he needed that fucking wake up call."
"Good thing I didn't fucking ask you, then," Gold snarls, "Would you fucking like it if I came into your Goddamn house and told you how much it sucked, how you should change your life to be how I like it, how you should just change everything, that you should just never do anything you enjoy ever again, and in FACT, it's your Goddamn fault that I hate myself? Would you like that??"
"Wait, hold on," Zooble interjects, "What the fuck does that have to do with anything?"
"Oh, I'm sorry," Gold drawls, "Was I talking to you?"
"Gold!" Katsy squeaks, "Be nice!"
"I'm not nice! I don't need to be nice, because nice doesn't get us anywhere except 6 feet deep!" Gold whips back around to the others, "I've fucking had it up to HERE with y'all! You're fucking hypocrites, you know that?! All of you!"
"Wh—?!"
"Shut up! I'm not fucking done!" Gold points at Zooble, "And you know what?! You're the worst hypocrite of all!"
"And why's that?" they ask.
"Oh wow, I fucking wonder why!?" Gold snarks, "Maybe it's how you think it's okay to tell someone you thought they were next in line for death? Maybe how you don't seem to recognize that treating someone just as badly as they treat you doesn't actually fix anything, and just makes it worse? Maybe how you seem to have such a narrow view of what traits are acceptable in a person, and then the second someone doesn't fit in that box, you suddenly couldn't give a single shit about their feelings!"
"That's not even true," Zooble says.
"Oh really?! Riddle me this, Batman! Which one speaks louder, actions or words? Ding ding ding!! It's ACTIONS! And oh, Zooble, your actions just scream that you couldn't give a single shit about Kinger, Jax, or me! You treat Jax like shit! And before you get all 'Oh why are you defending him' again, what's the golden rule?"
"The— Seriously??"
"What's the fucking golden rule, Zooble?!"
"Wh— 'Treat others how you want to be treated', or something."
"That it is! You know what the golden rule isn't? 'Treat others the way they treat you'! And yet here you fucking are. But that's not even all of it! Like, really, Zooble, do you honestly think that slapping a 'no offense' onto a statement that basically says 'I expected you to die next' is gonna make it any better? Really?"
"When did I ever—"
"Two weeks ago! You said it to Kinger after Caine put Kaufmo in the Cellar! Do you even know how fucked up it is to say shit like that to someone?! I'm fucking sick of your shit, Zooble! You're just as big a dick as Jax, you just get off scot-free because— I don't even know why! But it pisses me off, and I'm Goddamn sick of putting up with it!"
Gold pants, rage radiating from her in waves. Katsy gently takes her hand, and pulls her back in. She curls her knees to her chest, and rests her head on them.
"… Katsy?" Ragatha asks, "Are you alright?"
"No," Katsy mutters, "I think Gold made that clear."
"What's your fucking problem with me??" Zooble exclaims, "Seriously! What the fuck was that?"
"You treat me like a child," Katsy says, "You don't respect me."
"I don't treat you like a child," Zooble sputters, "And I do respect you!"
"No you don't," Katsy shakes her head, "If you respect me, then why didn't you listen to Gold? She already told you, very bluntly, exactly what my issue with you is. Do you need me to spell it out for you? 'Cause that'll just hammer home the point, won't it? You're an asshole."
"And you aren't?"
"Oh, I know I can be. That's the difference, here. I'm fucking self-aware, and I'm at least trying to be better. Are you? Because it certainly don't look like it. You've been here for less than two years, yet you act like you fuckin' own the place. You act like everyone else is some huge imposition on your life, and you act like you don't need to fuckin' explain yourself to anyone. You think Caine acts like a child? Really? Have you looked in a mirror?"
"Yeah, and I fucking hated it! Look at me, I'm stuck with this horrible fucking body that never feels right! That doesn't make me childish!"
"Newsflash, Zooble! Everybody fuckin' hates their bodies here! That's just how it fuckin' works! We're all walkin' around wearin' our deepest insecurities like its the hot new thing! Y'ain't fuckin' special! I hate how fuckin' obvious it is that I'm fucked in the head, but you ain't ever heard a peep from me about it! And yeah, hatin' your body don't make you childish, but that ain't what I was fuckin' talkin' about!"
"Then what were you talking about?!"
"Your sheer fuckin' refusal to see anyone who don't fit into your narrow lil' box of acceptable traits as a complex person with a convoluted inner world! And y'know what makes me think that?! Because in what fuckin' world is it okay for you to yell at someone that they shouldn't be angry that everybody seems to fuckin' hate 'em?! You know fuckin' what, Zooble?! I think I'd lose my shit too if all I ever heard for years was how much people hated everythin' I did!"
"Stop bringing Caine into this, we're talking about you!"
"For the love of GOD, Zooble! You ain't fuckin' listenin' to me! My fuckin' problem with you is how you treat others! So of fuckin' COURSE I'm gonna be talkin' about other people! This is why I said you treat me like a damn child! You're doin' it right now! Because you don't fuckin' LISTEN!"
Katsy buries her head in her hands and screams. Then she takes a deep breath, and looks back up.
"I— I'm done," she sighs, "I'm leavin'. Don't fuckin' follow me."
Katsy gets up, and slinks away.