Chapter Text
“Y’know Paul, I was super bummed about Char canceling tonight..” Ted slurred out slowly, stumbling forward “But hey at least I get to spend the night with yooouuuu...”
Ted landed on his dingy old couch, sprawling out like roadkill. Paul didn’t even try to sit down, standing awkwardly in place. He couldn’t stop himself from glancing at the clock on the mantle. 9:34 it read, in obnoxiously red letters. It was past time for him to be home. Ted may have been slightly more tolerable drunk, but only slightly. The numbers changed to 9:35.
“I’m not spending the night.” Paul corrected him, taking an affirmative step towards the door “I just want to make sure you didn’t run anybody off the road.”
Ted tilted his head, face like that of a sad dejected puppy. His dignity barely held solid through his drunken stupor. He rubbed his face rhythmically with his free hand, as if he was trying to wipe away that expression. Paul hadn’t seen him look that genuinely disappointed before. It was getting late for him, he reassured himself, maybe he was seeing things.
“Oh come on Paul, the night is still young!” Ted gestured haphazardly with his bottle “I know the club’s not your speed, but I’m sure I’ve got a game of mahjong around here somewherrrre…”
Ted tried to get up from the couch, but fell backwards. He set down the whiskey bottle on the couch, and made a second attempt, which failed. Anxiously, Paul rushed over and placed the bottle on the ground before it could spill. Ted reached out his hand for help up. Paul pretended not to notice.
“You’re too drunk for mahjong, and we don’t have enough people.” Paul rushed an excuse, once again stepping away, adding “And we have work in the morning.”
He almost ran towards the door, catching a glance at the familiar clock face. 9:37, no, 9:38. If he made a break for it now and bolted home he might be able to still get a respectable eight hours of sleep- with time for a Beanies breakfast run! Ted saw his impatience and knew his pleas had fallen on deaf ears.
“Finneee..” Ted mumbled, burrowing his face into the couch in defeat “Go ahead and leave me too… Everyone I love doeesss.”
The last part of that sentence was muffled by the cushions. Paul couldn’t tell if he heard him right. It didn’t matter, Paul had to remind himself, he was just drunk. By the next morning he would be back to his normal self; His normal, annoyingly charismatic and assholic self.
“Okay?” Paul awkwardly responded, inching closer to the door.
Paul was about to turn the doorknob, when he heard a loud sigh echo from behind him. He could have just ignored it, but he couldn’t. Something in his gut wouldn’t let him. It was a hunch, a feeling that there was something more to Ted's clingy behavior.
“What?” Paul asked curtly, turning back to face Ted.
Ted lifted his head from the couch and met Paul’s gaze. He was going to gripe about something but the thought escaped him. Those bright blue eyes only made his intoxication worse. It was like bathing his brain in a crystal clear stream, enveloping him in a sense of tranquility. They were like ice to him, frigid, so cold they pierced through him like heat.
Paul returned the stare, but not for the same reason. Ted’s eyes were pretty, sure, they were a warm honey brown, but Paul didn’t care about that. He was just confused. Ted had never acted this way, drunk or not. There had to be something he wasn’t telling him, something that was slowly breaking free thanks to the alcohol in his system.
“I was going to say something…” Ted spoke up after a moment of silence “But god your eyes… They are sooo fucking beautiful.. I forgot..”
Paul blinked slowly, catching glimpses of the door as he did. His face felt warm, god was he blushing? He hoped it wasn’t obvious with the dimness of the empty house. Why was he blushing? It was just a stupid compliment from a drunk coworker.
“Thanks?” Paul accepted the compliment, shifting in place “I think.”
Ted cackled, hiding his face in his hands. Paul rolled his eyes in outward annoyance, yet relief washed over him. That was it. That compliment was obviously a joke. He knew there was no way Ted could be that nice. But why did he feel… disappointed? The clock numbers changed again.
“You think?” Ted mimicked between giggles. “God, you are such a loser! Why do you have to be so...”
Ted paused suddenly, sitting upright and at attention. Instinct halted him from going further. He had already said too much. Yet, he could feel the words on the tip of his tongue. The alcohol did wonders to loosen his mouth. Those words, that confession, could slip and spill out anytime. He could almost feel it in his stomach, nausea from an admission he just needed to throw up and get over with.
“So, what?” Paul prodded, stepping away from the door.
He didn’t even know why he asked. He didn’t even know what he wanted to hear. A pit formed in his stomach, burrowing deeper each tense unanswered second. Ted couldn’t hold back the truth any longer. Those frosty eyes did wonders to coax his mouth open. Like a dam bursting, the words rapidly spewed free.
“So... hot?” Ted started hesitantly, then corrected himself “No, I think cute is more the word- Not that you aren’t hot, I mean I’ve seen you without your shirt half buttoned and... Woah…”
Ted trailed off at the thought, blabbering incoherently. Suddenly his work clothes felt too hot, he was practically sweating through them. Paul was rooted in place, between Ted and the door. The warmth in his face had grown into a fire that raged within his entire body. He couldn’t understand why he was reacting this way. To be fair, he couldn’t understand anything at that point. His thoughts were numbed by shock.
“What are you trying to say, Ted?” Paul continued to question, his tone audibly more shaky than before.
Ted groaned exasperatedly and rolled away from Paul.
“Why do you have to be so... Yourself!” Ted grumbled into the couch “And why am I so into you? It's so embarrassing-”
“You… like me?” Paul stared wide eyed, confirming “Like, in that way?”
Ted immediately turned around and glared at him. His true nature managed to peek through all the booze.
“Duh!” He responded, gesturing wildly in frustration “God your fucking useless, Paul- No wait...”
Ted noticed Paul wince at his outburst. He rubbed his temples again, taking a second to calm down. Anger was his go to emotion, no matter if he was drunk or sober. For him it was always a choice between being angry or bawling his eyes out, and he would prefer being an angry asshole than a pathetic sobbing baby. Yet, this time, he took a deep breath. He couldn’t scare away Paul now, not after he had confessed what he just had.
“You’re not useless, Paul.” Ted corrected himself, his tone uncharacteristically soft “You’re... Wonderful? I don’t know, I’m not good at this sappy shit.”
Ted sank back into the couch, stretching out and laying down. He buried his face into one of the mismatched decorative pillows. Between the long day at work, the whisky in his system, and the current conversation, he just wanted to curl up and sleep away all of his problems. Paul was perplexed by Ted’s sudden shift in behavior, especially with his tone. In the years that he had worked with him at CCRP, he had never heard Ted sound like that… sweet?
“Thanks?” Paul awkwardly accepted again, shifting in place “You’re.. Wonderful too?”
He noted a shaking in his own voice, in his breath. Why did he sound like that? Why did he even return the compliment? Unsortable emotions bubbled up behind his flat expression. His heart pounded in his chest, or was it fluttering? He already had difficulties knowing how he felt on an everyday basis, and Ted was no help.
They mingled in a moment of strange quiet. Ted stayed motionless on the couch. For a second, Paul assumed he had just fallen asleep. Yet, he couldn’t will himself to turn away. His eyes were stuck on the man in front of him, examining him in the dim light. There wasn’t anything that special about him really, he tried to reason with himself, he should just go. As he finally turned to the door, Ted spoke up again.
“Thank you Paul. For driving me home.” Ted said evenly “Are you sure you won’t stay the night?”
Ted lifted up his head from the pillow, giving Paul a final unabashedly begging gaze. For the moment, the thought entered Paul’s mind and it exhilarated him. Paul barely dodged his eyeline, looking towards the clock. If he had met that man’s gorgeous puppy dog eyes, he might have actually given in.
“Not tonight.” Paul replied shortly, grabbing onto the doorknob firmly.
Ted began to protest again, but Paul didn’t stay to hear. Without a parting goodbye, Paul wrenched open the door and practically bolted through. In a daze, he hastily walked down the steps, and into the parking lot.
Sitting in his car, Paul rested his head on the headrest. He already had a headache from the ordeal, and his quick escape down the stairs probably had just made it worse. Thoughts swirled around in his head, thoughts he dared not to acknowledge lest they actually become real. His breathing quickened, his heart pounded- God what was happening to him? He just needed to calm down, he reassured himself, it was just late and he had a long day. Maybe, some background noise would help, like a podcast or a talk show.
He turned on his car radio, immediately being startled awake by loud pop music. Instinctively, switched the station, being met with something worse... A love song. He changed the station again frantically. The only sound he found tolerable at the moment was static. It was like white noise, a perfect backdrop to empty his mind and dump all of his thoughts in the trash.
Paul couldn't begin to understand why he was reacting like this. Why had Ted’s confession actually shaken him? Why did it spark fear.. but also… something else. A different emotion, one he had difficulties understanding. His heart pattered in his chest, butterflies fluttered in his stomach, warmth radiated from deep within his core and stretched to his extremities. He buried his head in his hands, trying to hide from it all.. but he couldn’t hide from the realization, the pieces all clicked together.
Ted was in love with him. And worse… Paul loved him back.
Once it hit him, his fear was replaced by a new emotion: annoyance. Rubbing his eyes he couldn’t help but think, why him? If it had been one sided, Paul could have easily chocked it up to Ted being desperate as usual. Paul liking him back meant it couldn’t have been a fluke, not another frivolous fling for Ted to pursue then forget about. Though, Paul couldn’t be sure. Maybe what they had would fizzle out… What did they even have anyway?!? What did Paul have that all his past one night stands didn’t?!?
Paul glanced at himself in the rearview mirror. His eye bags had become more pronounced in a short period of time. Work had drained him, but Ted’s confession sucked the soul out of him. Some part of him told him that he should be happy, but the anxiety boiled in his stomach was far more distracting. He needed to run, to scream, to throw up, anything he could do to just get his mind off of that bastard. Just long enough so he could make it home and then break down.
Straightening himself, he prepared to do something drastic. He turned the radio knob again, shaking as he switched it back to the station he despised. Generic, peppy pop music blasted from his car radio. The self inflicted torment of synthetic snares and cheesy lyrics would surely distract him on the drive home. Finally, he put his car in reverse, and fled the scene. He left his emotions in the rear view mirror, right alongside a man who was just now sobering up and realizing the gravity of what he had said.
Ted made a mad dash to his apartment door, tripping over the bottle in his sloppy haste. It spilled its remaining contents and stained the shag carpet, which had already been splotched with his other vices. On the floor, he groaned in mild pain and cursed at himself. Just great... He fucked it all up again, but this time he couldn't drink it away.