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The Wanderer opens his eyes, feeling well-recharged after a night of shutting down. He sits up on the bed that Nahida made for him despite his protests. She claimed that he deserved a soft spot to sleep, even if he's not actually sleeping.
It has become a habit for him to cradle his Vision first thing in the morning, to feel the physical symbol of his heart and the breeze that kisses his hand back.
He freezes, however, when his knuckles brush against nothing. He whips his head down to see that the golden feather, the last object tying him to his mother, is gone.
His mind flips through all of the possibilities of where he could've left it if it's not in its usual place beneath his vision, even though he knows he never takes it off.
Not when he only wore a karijinu, not when he had it hidden under his Harbinger outfit, not even after he was reborn and forgotten by his mother.
He tells himself it's just a random feather, that Ei probably didn't even spare a second look before plucking it from a bird. That she didn't care for it, and for him even less.
He doesn't respond to Nahida's pleasantries and heads straight to class.
He can't concentrate.
The Vahumana professor is going on about ancient Liyue, and he cannot, for the life of him, pay attention.
It's stupid, so stupid, but he almost feels bare without the feather. He struggles to keep his eyes on the professor, but they keep shifting down to his chest.
He only wrote a few lines on his paper when he sees Paimon leaping into the Traveler's arms. He glances down, like he's fucking jealous that Paimon has someone to pick her up from class.
What he didn't expect was for the Traveler to spot him and come to his desk. "Hey, Wanderer, how's it been?"
Paimon trails behind her. "Oh yeah, I'm a little worried about Hat Guy. He's usually so loud in class, but he hasn't said a thing today!”
"I would stop talking, Paimon, if you know what's good for you," he says without bite.
Paimon whips her head around and stomps in the air. "Fine, my fault for worrying!"
The Traveler glares at them both. "Alright, you two." Her eyes drift back to the Wanderer and soften. "Wait..."
"What?" he quips.
"Nothing. It's just... something looks off. You slept well?"
"Puppets don't sleep."
"You know what I mean." The Traveler is more perceptive than she lets on, so she has probably already figured it out but doesn't know how to approach the subject.
"Well, we promised Nahida we'd eat dinner together, right?" Paimon intercepts. "Hat Guy, are you gonna be there?"
He folds his arms together. "Whatever."
He and the Traveler fall into a quiet rhythm beside each other.
"You lost the feather?" the Traveler whispers after Paimon flies into the Sanctuary of Surathana.
Even though the Wanderer has predicted this moment, he still flinches when he’s face to face with her big, golden eyes. Like she can see right through him.
He feigns ignorance. “What feather?”
“Don't play dumb with me. You know, that feather that you always have on you?”
“How do you even notice that? You're a creep,” he says half-heartedly.
She rolls her eyes, yet still holds the door for him. “And you're impossible. It's right under your Vision; kinda hard not to notice when it's missing.”
She has a point, but he's not admitting that to her face. “Whatever.”
Being back in the same place where he realized he lost it makes him depressed. Maybe he should tell her the whole truth, so she can help him find it. She's not the world-renowned Traveler for nothing.
Before he can open his mouth, Paimon waves them over. “Come, Traveler and Hat Guy!”
The Traveler shoots him a glance before beaming at Paimon. “Coming! Save some for me!”
Puppets don't need to sleep, but he does so anyway. The same goes for eating, even if his body just converts food to energy.
“Hat Guy, you didn't even say good morning to me today,” Nahida teases. “Was class that important today?”
“Nuh uh, Nahida. This guy didn't even pay attention the entire time!” Paimon points at him, and he wonders why he's stuck here with these three.
“And guess what, my paper will still be better than yours.”
“I don't know about that. Paimon is super smart, you know,” the Traveler says with a mouthful of Pita Pockets.
“Yeah!” Paimon grins. “And I definitely know more about Liyue than you; we’ve had so many adventures and friends there.”
“Is something wrong, Hat Guy?” Nahida interrupts. Leave it to Bleeding Heart No. 1 and No. 2 to notice that something’s wrong with him.
His eyes flicker and meet the Traveler’s, who’s staring at him with equal concern. He swallows, knowing he can’t hide from them for very long.
“It's nothing, really. I just lost my creator's memento,” he blurts out, intentionally replacing mother with creator in his mind before he speaks.
The room falls silent, which is deafening in such a large space. Normally, even echoes would bounce off the walls.
“Do you…” The Traveler tries. “Want me to ask her to make another one?”
If he had a heart, it would drop. “What? No. Of course not. It's just a regular yellow feather. Could find it on any bird.”
“Where did you lose it?” Nahida rests a finger on her chin.
“I don't know, I couldn't find it when I woke up this morning.”
“Then it should still be here, right? No one except us has been here.”
“It’s whatever, to be honest. It's stupid. I don't want to trouble Lesser Lord Kusanali with something like this,” he lies.
She ignores him, which he’s secretly thankful for, time and time again. “I’ll tell you if I find anything.”
Paimon nods her head. “Yeah! The Traveler and I are great at finding things! Leave it to us!”
He grows restless as they spend the night hunting for the feather in the large Sanctuary. One by one, they tell him with pity in their voices that they’ve come up empty.
It was time for the Traveler and Paimon to leave and for him and Nahida to sleep, so they bid each other farewell.
His eyes stay open as he lies on his bed. He feels like a child.
It’s ironic, but he feels like crying. Why did Ei even give him the ability to shred tears? It ruined his life when it just began.
He blinks the tears away and forces himself to shut down for the night.
"Mom?” he says, a crack in his voice.
A woman with long, braided violet hair turns around and there, where he expected to see confusion or disgust, is surprise.
“You're…”
He can't help the tears that spill out. No, no. He can't cry in front of her again. He brushes them away with his arm, but they continue to flow.
He wants to be mad instead. Yell at her for everything. Maybe kill her, once and for all.
But he finds that there is little to no anger inside him.
He takes a few tentative steps forward, until she does too. “It's you. I remember. You… you lived.”
He wants to laugh at the irony of that again, but only manages to say, “You remember me?”
“Yes. You have her eyes. But I remember giving you a feather, didn't I? It's not on you?”
He swallows the lump in his throat. “I—I lost it.”
“Oh. That happens,” she says, but her eyes say otherwise. They are downcast, seemingly disappointed.
“But?” he tries.
“But I imbued it with my own power, so it could serve as protection. And if one day I did forget you, be it erosion or whatever else, I’ll take a look at it, and I will remember.”
The Wanderer sits up on the bed with a jolt. He clenches his left chest, tears rolling down his cheeks again.
He didn't even know he could dream, and that was so vivid that he wasn't sure if it was a dream or if it had already happened.
He scoffs. Even if he didn't lose the feather, Irminsul made sure that Ei isn’t even aware of his existence, let alone remember him or show him any affection.
There’s a slight twinge in his chest that tells him that if Ei does see it, she would remember, like she promised in his dream.
No use to dwell on the impossible, however, now that it's lost to the void.
It’s the weekend, so he doesn't have any classes. He pushes the paper he has to finish out of his head and goes for a stroll to clear his mind.
When he opens the doors of the Sanctuary, he sees the Traveler standing on the other side. He hurries to close the doors on instinct, but she is quick to block them with her arms.
“What do you want?” he sneers.
“I came to check on you. You were like a shell of a person yesterday, you know?”
“Lesser Lord Kusanali sent you?”
She blinks, as if she’s currently deciding whether to sell out Nahida or not. “Kinda. But I’m worried about you too. Don't worry, Paimon’s with Alhaitham right now, so you can tell me anything.”
“Who said I was gonna—” he starts, then grumbles. “Who knows, maybe I prefer Paimon’s company to yours. At least I know she won't pity me like I’m a child.”
“Oh, come on.” The Traveler lets herself inside anyway. “You don't want to vent to someone? Not even a little bit?”
He furrows his eyes at her. “I told you before. It's nothing.”
“That's the biggest lie I ever heard,” she murmurs under her breath. “I would react the same, y’know, if I lost the flower in my hair.”
The Wanderer glances upward at the flower in question. He remembers learning about them. “Are those Inteyvats? They grow in Khaenri’ah…”
“Yes, but also my brother's and my homeland. So if I lost them, I would lose everything connecting him and I. And I would scream or cry too. We've never been apart for this long before. I’d do anything to see him again.”
He glances down, deep in thought. He knows what she's getting at. “...I don't know if I want to see her again.”
The Traveler is silent for a moment. “I get that.”
“I want to hate her. But now that centuries have passed… I just want her to remember me.”
Arms suddenly wrap around his waist. “What are you—” he says, trying to resist.
“Continue.”
“I—” He rolls his eyes, despite the warm waves washing over him. “I don’t think she was exactly wrong in doing what she did. She wanted someone who could hold her Gnosis. I mean, I was given a second chance and I still couldn’t…”
Those arms soothe his back in reassuring circles. He can’t stop the words from flowing once they're out, but he does everything in his power to push back the tears. He doesn’t want to imagine the look on the Traveler’s face if he does cry in front of her.
He hasn’t cried in a long time, not even when he lost the Gnosis since he was unconscious until Nahida woke him up. And now, it’s because of a stupid thing like this. “I should be grateful she didn't kill me. But she… and that fox youkai… they promised me they would help. But Tatarasuna was in ruin and nobody came…”
The Traveler’s shoulder presses against his cheek. He doesn't know if she pushed him or he leaned in by himself, but she smells like seagrass and Padisarahs. Like home.
Her hands move to the back of his head, each gesture more foreign than the last. “It's alright, Wanderer.”
They stand like that, in a quiet embrace near the entrance of the Sanctuary, for a long time. When the Wanderer speaks, his voice is rough. “Y’know, I appreciate you calling me that.”
“What? Your name? I gave it to you.”
He pushes her away. “Ugh, stop treating me like you’re my mom. I just meant… ugh, this is embarrassing," he murmurs, like they weren't almost on top of each other a moment ago. “That you don't call me Hat Guy, or whatever.”
She smiles wryly. “You like your name?”
“I mean, it fits.”
“And because it matches mine?”
“No! You—” he splutters.
“It's not actually my real name.”
His open mouth morphs into a frown. “Makes sense. You have a mother.”
“No, actually. My brother and I are just twin stars. But that is why my real name is Lumine.”
Lumine. Lu-mine. It sounds sweet and bright on his tongue when he silently repeats it. He stares at her blankly. “Lumine.”
She chuckles, a blush creeping across her cheeks. “Yes. Only my brother ever called me that, so you better not tell anyone else.”
It feels weird to know the true name of someone so secretive, like they've both been ripped open and laid bare. None of her closest friends knows, not even Paimon. But he does.