Chapter Text
Sunghoon would say there were three pivotal moments in his life that he classified as sexual awakenings. Jake would argue a fourth during their first week at university but Sunghoon has tried his hardest to forget about that night.
His first awakening happened at the unripe age of 14, as if Sunghoon wasn’t already in enough turmoil from all the changes happening in his life and body by that point.
Sunghoon had grown up next door to the Kangs for as long as he could remember, so naturally, he grew up stuck to Kang Taehyun’s skin. The end of the school semester meant that the two boys had free reign over Taehyun’s Xbox for the evening, hence why both boys were cycling through the streets like mad men racing to get home.
Sweat poured down Sunghoon’s hairline and behind his ears as his limbs pedaled away, but all he could think about was getting his hands on the latest game Taehyun had bragged about receiving for his birthday. As the two boys turned the corner, Sunghoon could see their row of houses, dark grey roofs peering over tall walls as the boys got closer and closer to their house gates.
Taehyun’s house gate was wide open, which Sunghoon was grateful for since it saved them the 5 seconds of needing to manually open it. The freedom to game all night was so close, Sunghoon could taste the pounding headache he was going to have in the morning from staring at a bright screen in the dark all night. 50 meters away … 25 meters … 10 meters .. 5 met-
“WAH!” Sunghoon yelped as he jerked his bike to the left, narrowly missing the figure that had suddenly meandered into his path. In doing so, Sunghoon had redirected his bike towards Taehyun’s open gates, which he was sure to crash into. He barely had time to tense up and close his eyes in anticipation of the impact when a sudden jerk from the back of his bike stopped him in his path to his own destruction. His tires came to a screeching halt a foot in front of the gates, cranium safely intact.
“Woah, I’m sorry Hoon-ah, hyung didn’t mean to get in your way.”
Sunghoon blinked, hands still tight around his bike handle bars. His feet were kicked up and off the pedals like he had been bracing for impact, though in hindsight, he realized his ankles would have probably painfully folded into themselves upon impact.
Sunghoon silently promised his mother to attend church with her next weekend. He was still counting his miracles when he heard Taehyun exclaim from next to him, “Hyung! I didn’t know you were coming home today!”
Sunghoon nearly pulled something in his neck as he whipped his upper body around to get a look at his attempted murderer and savior, only to look into a pair of eyes as big as Taehyun’s. And then his eyes dropped and saw arms.
“Oh, Jungkook-hyung. W-Welcome home.”
Jeon Jungkook’s right hand held onto the back rack of Sunghoon’s bike, his body crouched over slightly in his rush to grab ahold of the bike. Which meant he was a lot closer to Sunghoon’s face. Which meant Sunghoon got a close look at just how much Jeon Jungkook had changed after his first year of university, and how big his arms had gotten.
Jungkook still carried the same easy-going, warm look in his eyes (which were too similar to Taehyun’s for Sunghoon to truly believe that there wasn’t some biological relation between the two step-brothers), but he was bigger. He was big. Jeon Jungkook was fucking fit.
Metal glinted in Sunghoon’s peripherals as he discovered a set of hoop earrings on each of Jungkook’s lobes, which Sunghoon was devastatingly jealous of considering just yesterday his own mother had refused his pleas to get his ears pierced. Jungkook’s hair was also a dark, chestnut brown, and his eyebrows were tinted to match. There was a dusted line of black across his waterline (makeup, Sunghoon bemoaned, another thing his mother wouldn’t let him use at 14).
Sunghoon trailed his eyes down to see a leather jacket wrapped around Jungkook’s shoulders which certainly weren’t that broad when he had left for university a year ago. The jacket clung to Jungkook’s upper body in a way Sunghoon wasn’t even aware leather jackets could cling to a human body. And his thighs… were begging to be released by his skinny jeans.
Sunghoon had grown up next to the Kangs for as long as he could remember, but he had grown up next to the Jeon-Kangs for seven years. Taehyun’s father had gotten remarried to Jungkook’s mother, and so Jungkook and his mother had moved next door to the Parks seven years ago. Sunghoon’s best friend had gotten a new step-brother and step-mother, and Sunghoon had also gotten a hyung-like figure that was always around.
Sunghoon had always trailed behind Jungkook in twin awe with Taehyun, who had been delighted to get a hyung as cool as Jungkookie-hyung. Jungkook had always treated the two well, sneaking them fruit gummies before dinner, teaching them how to ride bikes, and even lending them his gaming systems to use while he was away for college. He was always smiling and ruffling Sunghoon’s hair, and Sunghoon always let him.
But this was not the Jungkook who Sunghoon had said goodbye to when the former had left for his first year of university.
No… this Jungkook had discovered a gym and the wonders of the mall ecosystem. The sweet Jungkookie-hyung with unruly limbs who had a sometimes-awkward-step in his gait had smoothed out into a handsome, cool college student that was currently throwing Sunghoon’s world into a 180.
This Jeon Jungkook was … attractive.
Yes, Sunghoon had had crushes before, but they had all been far too innocent, far too sweet for Sunghoon to consider any of them anything beyond “cute.” They had also all been girls.
“You okay, Hoon-ah?” Jungkook asked, eyebrows furrowed in worry as he leaned in even closer to check on Sunghoon. Sunghoon held his breath as the distance between them closed even more, eyes darting everywhere as he refused to look his hyung in the eyes. He nodded quickly, hoping Jungkook would move away before Sunghoon turned purple and passed out from lack of oxygen.
Taehyun let out an exasperated breath. “He’s fine, hyung,” he muttered hurriedly, eager to start interrogating Jungkook with questions about college life and not at all concerned about how close Sunghoon was to cracking his skull open. Sunghoon would remember that. “Now tell us about college! How are your classes? Is the music program good? Are the professors nice? How is Taehyungie-hyung? Are you guys still roommates? Is he also coming to visit?”
Sunghoon winced at the growing pile of inquiries Taehyun was throwing at Jungkook. One of the primary reasons why Sunghoon and Taehyun got along so well was because they were both boys of few words… most of the time. It was often that one would find the two simply communicating in blinks, nods, and shrugs.
But Taehyun had been fascinated with the idea of going to college ever since Jungkook had started applying. He had been glued to Jungkook’s side as the older researched campuses, decided on his program, and filled out applications. He had even ambitiously started making his own list of colleges he wanted to apply to, very ambitiously, Taehyun’s own father had noted.
Sunghoon simply went along with everything Taehyun did. He would probably end up at the same university as him, either way.
Jungkook took Taehyun’s questions like a champion, unlike Sunghoon. He let out a huff of laughter, before finally letting go of Sunghoon’s bike. Sunghoon jolted as his bike almost started moving again, quickly slamming his feet against the ground to root himself in place. “I’ll have all the time to tell you about college over dinner, Taehyun-ah. Hyung has to go somewhere now.”
Sunghoon almost (almost!) pouted, while Taehyun did pout. They had clearly both wanted to spend the evening hearing all about Jungkook’s time on campus, and Sunghoon had wanted to spend more time observing (staring at) all the ways Jungkook had grown over the last year. Taehyun was surely about to protest Jungkook’s departure, had it not been for the chime of a voice behind the three boys.
“Oh Jungkook-ah, I found them.”
A head of blond hair appeared through the gates of Taehyun’s house, along with the ringing of car keys. Blond hair… and thighs.
Arms and thighs… if this was what the college experience was like then Sunghoon was about to become just as ambitious as Taehyun.
A smile immediately grew on Jungkook’s face while his hand reached out towards the man with blond hair, fingers lightly wrapping around his wrist as he pulled him closer. “Jimin-hyung, this is my brother Taehyun and his friend Sunghoon, our next door neighbor,” Jungkook introduced. There was an almost-nervous look in Jungkook’s eyes as he turned back to face Taehyun, his smile turning from adoring to shy. “Tyun-ah, this is Park Jimin, my boyfriend.”
Sunghoon felt his world crash, quite literally.
If you asked Sunghoon, he would have said that some sort of pathetic, desperate force had pushed him to his side and caused him to fall off the bike and onto the ground. If you asked Taehyun, who was eyeing Sunghoon’s limp form with something akin to disgust, he would’ve said that Sunghoon was the pathetic, desperate force.
Sunghoon was a mess of tangled limbs on the ground, narrowly missing the bike from falling on him by some force of luck. Or so he thought.
“Ah! Are you okay?”
The force of luck was named Park Jimin, Jeon Jungkook’s boyfriend.
For the second time that day Sunghoon found his face alarmingly close to yet another handsome man. Park Jimin had arguably the most cherubic face that Sunghoon had ever seen, with pouty, glossed lips that were parted and shaped into an ‘o’ of concern (likely regarding Sunghoon’s inability to control his own center of gravity). Sunghoon was close enough to see the mole adorning one of Jimin’s cheekbones, along with the litter of freckles spread across his plump cheeks and button nose.
Park Jimin was an angel, Sunghoon decided.
Taehyun let out an obnoxious cough, immediately breaking Sunghoon out of his spell. He was still eyeing Sunghoon with the same look of disgust, and Sunghoon couldn’t even blame him.
Sunghoon blinked, breath caught in his throat as he realized it was his cue to answer. “Mhm,” he stuttered out, hoping it was a dignified enough response to let Jimin know that Sunghoon was, in fact, capable of understanding basic Korean.
Jimin also blinked, but his lips quickly pulled into a fond grin and he let out a giggle. A giggle. Sunghoon swore he heard a choir behind him.
“Cute,” Jimin giggled again, as if Sunghoon wasn’t already hearing things that weren’t there. He quickly pushed himself upwards, pulling Sunghoon’s bike up with him (which he had caught, turns out) and securing the bike’s kickstand. He then wrapped both hands around Sunghoon’s clammy ones (when had they even accumulated that much sweat…) and pulled the younger boy up to his feet. Sunghoon staggered slightly but Jimin immediately caught a hold of him, allowing Sunghoon a second to stabilize himself before he finally let go.
Jimin took a step back towards Jungkook, a sweet smile still on his face as he turned to Taehyun. “It’s nice to finally meet you, Taehyun. Jungkook has told me so much about you!”
It was now Taehyun’s turn to blush at Jimin’s sudden attention on him, and Sunghoon’s turn to get in a laugh. “O-oh, nice to meet you Jimin-ssi.”
Jimin and Jungkook both barked out laughs at Taehyun’s use of formalities. “Just Jimin-hyung,” Jimin grinned, his hand reaching out to ruffle Taehyun’s hair, which only made the younger boy’s blush worsen. “I’m excited to hear more about the both of you, but Jungkook and I have a movie to catch soon.”
Both Taehyun and Sunghoon’s shoulders dropped in disappointment, which did not go unnoticed by Jungkook. “We’ll catch up later over dinner,” Jungkook promised, also reaching both of his hands out to ruffle both Sunghoon and Taehyun’s hair. Sunghoon was sure that if either Jungkook or Jimin made contact with him one more time, he might not make it to dinner. “Mom knows you’re staying over too, Hoon. You both can ask us all the questions you want about college tonight.”
It ended up being Taehyun who did most of the talking that night, Sunghoon content with simply listening, nodding, and blushing every time Jungkook or Jimin directed a question towards him or even did so much as make eye contact with him. Park Jimin was a dance major, which explained the thighs. He was a year older than Jungkook, lived in the town over, and was also best friends with Taehyung, another one of Jungkook’s handsome friends from college.
Jungkook’s mom, Taehyun’s dad, and especially Taehyun all took to Jimin quickly, sweetened by the boy’s manners and looks. Sitting side by side, Jungkook and Jimin looked like a gorgeous pair. Sunghoon knew this, and noted it every time the couple would grin at one another while pushing food onto the other’s plate, all cut up neatly and arranged into the perfect bite. Jungkook even insisted on helping Jimin peel apart the perilla leaves scattered among the banchans in front of them, earning a thrilled giggle from Jungkook’s mom.
They were seemingly the perfect couple, and Sunghoon couldn’t look either of them in the eye without coughing up the stack of three perilla leaves he had shoved down his throat, unpeeled and stuck to one another.
Sunghoon went home that night with the new-found knowledge that he liked boys.
The second life-altering scenario happened during Sunghoon’s second year of university on an oddly warm March afternoon.
The campus trees bore the closed buds of cherry blossoms waiting to bloom in a few week’s time. Some of them were already puffy with their pink color while others were a beige green awaiting their spring tints. Early batches of plum blossoms had already bloomed and wafted their sweet, dewy aroma all through the campus grounds, marking the beginning of spring just in time for the new semester.
Sunghoon hated it.
“You know you would be having a better time if you weren’t wearing all those layers, right?”
Sunghoon exhaled sharply, not bothering to turn his head while his eyes darted to his peripherals where Jake stood. Jake looked a whole lot jollier than Sunghoon wearing only a light jacket. His nose was also significantly less red than Sunghoon’s.
“The forecast said 10 degrees Celsius. I was expecting 10 degrees Celsius. Not a 10 degrees Celsius that feels like 20 degrees Celsius because of the fucking sun.”
Jake simply shrugged, offering no help whatsoever to Sunghoon’s heat retention issue. “No one told you to wear a heattech and fuzzy socks.” He pointed out unhelpfully, again. “And you can always take it off, you just choose not to.”
“I just don’t want to carry it around everywhere,” Sunghoon grumbled, as if Jake should have known that about his best friend.
Jake let out a huff of amusement and brushed off Sunghoon’s irritation, knowing better than to continue the discussion. “I don’t know why you’re even out here. I’m the one that signed up for the Freshman Welcome Week Committee, not you. Plus, your rhinitis is killing you, literally.”
Sunghoon sniffled as if to prove Jake’s point, before letting out a loud sneeze.
Jake scrunched his nose in disgust, shoving a scrunched up napkin he had pocketed from the cafeteria into Sunghoon’s hand. “You’re disgusting,” he muttered.
Sunghoon shot Jake a nasty side-eye before burrowing his nose into the folded up napkin and blowing out. “Eugh,” he groaned at the release of pressure in his nose, tilting his head back to get a good inhale of oxygen before his nose congested itself again. “I’m here because if I stay in our apartment then I have to listen to Heeseung-hyung and Jay go at it like jackrabbits, again.”
Jake shuddered at Sunghoon’s words. “Just be glad you didn’t live with Jay while he and Heeseung were in their figuring-it-out stage.” There was a hint of trauma laced into Jake’s words as his face paled while recalling a memory. “He forgot the sock on the door handle once… now I know about the mole on Heeseung-hyung’s lower back.”
Despite his overheating body, Sunghoon also shuddered, a vacant look glazing over his eyes. “You’re telling me. I found out things about Taehyun last year that I wish I never had.”
Sunghoon and Taehyun had been roommates for their first year on campus, until Huening Kai transferred in. For his own sanity, and the lack of sleep he was getting, Sunghoon gave in and switched dorms with Huening Kai so that lovestruck Taehyun could spend nights with his new boyfriend without disrupting Sunghoon’s circadian rhythm. Blessfully, his new roommate Choi Beomgyu had very few midnight guests over.
“Still, wouldn’t it be nice though?” Jake cut in, the corners of his lips lifting in thought. “To have someone like that in your life?”
Sunghoon furrowed his thick brows. “I know plenty of people on campus who would like to sleep with you.”
Jake flushed at Sunghoon’s blunt words, eyes widening. “Wha- t-that’s not what I meant,” he sputtered, swiping at Sunghoon’s head as the latter laughed at Jake’s embarrassment. It always amused Sunghoon how easy Jake was to fluster. “I meant being in a relationship, that kind of thing.”
Sunghoon hummed, humoring Jake for a moment. Since Sunghoon had first met Jake in Calculus class back in their first year, he had immediately pegged Jake to be the wistful, romantic type. Whenever it rained, Jake would forlornly lean forward in his seat, chin perched in hand as he marvelled over the idea of kissing someone in the rain. When he saw couples in matching outfits littering campus, Jake would smile as if he were imagining himself in a matching outfit of his own. When he saw 1+1 deals at the convenience store that the two liked to frequent, Jake would sigh about how perfect the deal was for couples. Sunghoon wasn’t sure why Jake thought he needed to be in a relationship for that one. He didn’t think a relationship was necessary for a convenience store sale.
And that’s why Sunghoon was the exact opposite of Jake.
Finding out he liked boys through Jungkook and Jimin had been enough of a revelation for Sunghoon. He was more than fine coming to terms with that. However, finding a more practical participant for his affections since Jungkook was taken and problematically older had been far harder.
It was hard for Sunghoon to find any of the boys at school cute, more so since he had grown up with most of them. He thought college would be his new beginning and chance to find someone, except everyone here was just not for him.
And this was where Jake would typically intervene and insist that perhaps Sunghoon was the romantic one if he was really rejecting everyone to find the one person he was willing to wait for. But Sunghoon thought he was being practical, not romantic. What was the point in dating someone you didn’t see sticking around forever, he thought. Sunghoon wasn’t sure he had the time or mental capacity to battle failed talking stages and relationships (the disastrous kiss he shared with Jake at their first college party had been enough). And if that meant he wouldn’t have the college romance experience that Jake idolized, then so be it.
So Sunghoon shrugged at Jake and pretended to have seriously contemplated his words and imagined being in a relationship. It was always easier that way, and better than sharing his true feelings. Being truthful would only lead to Jake launching into another rant about needing to experience ‘love and loss,’ and the perils of potentially being bad at sex before ‘finding the one.’
“I guess,” Sunghoon mumbled, eyes fluttering around the campus ground as he watched the flow of new students flounder around, some lost and some in awe of their new home. Truthfully, he had wanted to join Jake because Sunghoon was a nosey people-watcher. “You said Jungwon was moving in today, right?” Jungwon was Heeseung’s younger brother, and one of the new first-year students at their university.
Jake nodded. “Heeseung-hyung said he and his roommate were both moving in today, someone from back home. Said he was nice too, name’s Kim S-”
“AH!”
One second, Jake had been speaking to his friend. The next, there was a vacant space where Sunghoon had just been. Jake looked down and found his friend in a pile on the floor, another body on top of his. “What the hell, dude.” Jake muttered, in disbelief that Sunghoon would choose to collapse on him while he was speaking.
Sunghoon groaned, joints aching in too much pain to even rebut. He had mercifully fallen (been pushed) into the grass and his shoulders had taken the brunt of the fall, though there was sure to be a sore spot on the back of his head for a week or two. It was his chest that had been met with a solid weight barreling into him, and it was still curled up there, letting out its own groan of pain.
Sunghoon lifted his head up as far as he could to meet a pair of apologetic, warm brown eyes.
“Ah, I’m so sorry, so sorry,” a sweet voice bemoaned regretfully, brown eyes rounding in embarrassment and fear. “I’m so sorry, sunbae-nim!”
Sunghoon inhaled sharply, breath caught in his throat. His hand that hadn’t been bracing the ground from his fall was wrapped around the weight on his chest, which he was starting to put together was a real human boy. A beautiful human boy.
“Sunoo-hyung!” Another voice called out from a few feet away. Sunghoon would have been able to guess that this voice belonged to Jungwon had his attention been anywhere besides on the boy on top of him. Said boy started to squirm at Jungwon’s voice, and as he tried to scramble his way back up, he landed a solid elbow right on top of Sunghoon’s shoulder.
“Wait, wait,” Sunghoon groaned, tightening his arm around the boy on top of him. The boy froze, starting to realize that he had accidentally worsened his circumstances by choking out the sunbae-nim that he had slammed to the ground. Sunghoon wrapped his other arm gently around the boy and rolled the two over onto their sides, finally able to relax his craning neck. “You okay?” He asked kindly.
The boy took a moment to digest Sunghoon’s words, before nodding so furiously that Sunghoon was sure he would smack his head against the ground. “Yes, yes!” He yelled, likely due to nerves. Sunghoon flinched at the volume.
His eyes swept across the face in front of him, breath slowing as he took in sweet pouty lips and foxy eyes that were still rounded in fear. A head of pink hair reminiscent of the soon-to-bloom cherry blossoms sat atop his head. A matching pink splotch of color littered across the boy’s cheeks, and it took everything in Sunghoon not to reach a finger out and poke one of them. Long lashes fluttered wildly as the boy anxiously awaited for Sunghoon to start yelling at him, short staccatos of air leaving his nose as if he were purposely trying to stop himself from breathing on Sunghoon’s face.
It was only then that Sunghoon realized there was barely an inch of space between their faces.
“Sunoo-hyung, are you okay?” Jungwon’s voice called out. Sunghoon felt the boy in front of him tug away and start to be lifted.
It was then that Sunghoon did something extremely mortifying, mortifying enough that it would haunt him and his future bloodline for centuries. They might even spit on his grave for this.
Sunghoon tugged back.
Sunoo let out an ‘oof’ as he was tugged back into Sunghoon’s chest, face tinged with confusion as his lashes fluttered again. Sunghoon could only stare at the boy in his arms and desperately attempt to memorize every feature. He was rudely interrupted again.
“Let him go, you fool,” Jake hissed in his ear, before pulling Sunghoon’s arm away from Sunoo and dragging him to his feet by the scruff of his collar. Jungwon was helping Sunoo up rather kindly compared to the way Jake had manhandled Sunghoon. Jungwon was also gripping onto Sunoo’s sleeve and eyeing Sunghoon warily as if the latter was about to manhandle him again.
Before anyone could speak, Sunoo dropped his upper body into a deep bow, startling Jake who yelped at the sudden movement. His head nearly met his knees. “I’m so sorry, sunbae-nim! I wasn’t watching where I was walking and ran right into you, I’m so sorry!”
Jungwon stifled his laugh, tugging Sunoo back up by his sleeve.“It’s just Sunghoon-hyung, you don’t have to apologize.”
Yeah, he was Heeseung’s brother alright, Sunghoon thought.
Sunoo blinked as Jungwon pulled him back up, lips parted in an ‘o’ as he seemed to put face to name from the stories Heeseung had probably told him. His eyes darted to Jake. “You must be Jake sunbae-nim?” He asked, voiced pitched up in a way that took everything in Sunghoon not to coo over.
While not as equally smitten as Sunghoon, Jake seemed to find Sunoo cute enough to beam widely. “Call me Jake-hyung!” Jake threw an arm in Sunghoon’s direction, nearly socking him in the chest. “And this is Sunghoon. Heeseung told us about you, welcome to Seoul!”
“I’m Sunghoon,” Sunghoon repeated, because he simply could not make the situation any more embarrassing than it already was for him. Jake’s smile dropped. Jungwon winced.
Sunoo, the angel he was, giggled behind his hand. Sunghoon was sure he heard a choir behind him. “Hi Sunghoonie-hyung,” Sunoo smiled sweetly, sending an arrow right through Sunghoon’s heart. His pink hair fell across his eyes cinematically, and Sunghoon wasn’t entirely sure whether this was reality, or a scene from one of his BL manhwas.
Spring was beautiful, Sunghoon decided.
The third and final nail to Sunghoon’s coffin was hammered in during the end of Sunghoon’s first semester of second year, on a terribly warm summer evening.
July nights were always sticky, depressingly humid, and the bain of Sunghoon’s existence. He had already changed shirts twice that day and his underwear once. He could never stand being in sweaty clothes for longer than 15 minutes. Sunghoon never took to heat well and everybody knew this, hence why the Average Rate of Words Exchanged With Sunghoon annually dropped by 40% once the heatwaves hit. It didn’t help that he had made friends with what felt like a litter of puppies that reveled in sitting, standing, and being skin-to-skin with one another.
Like right now, how Sunghoon could barely move his right arm to reach for the tongs in order to flip the charring beef brisket over before it completely burned–because someone had to and clearly everyone else unanimously decided that Sunghoon was in charge of grilling meat for the night.
He had been able to flip the meat, no thanks to Riki on his right who rarely applied the concept of personal space when he was around his hyungs. Wide-eyed and simply happy to be here, Riki was always clinging onto the people around him, and of course everybody let him because who would be foul enough to say no to him? Certainly not Sunghoon. Hence why his right arm was sticky with an unbelievable amount of sweat from being pressed up against Riki’s left arm.
On his left was Sunoo, and Sunghoon had done that on purpose. Fine, he would be the designated meat griller of the night, but only if he too got to be pressed up against Sunoo. And no one was going to deny Sunghoon, not when he stood towering behind Sunoo with a grim expression shadowed across his face until everyone else ceremoniously shuffled towards the other seats without a word, leaving one empty seat besides Sunghoon.
Sunoo, none the wiser, simply beamed and plopped into the seat between Jake and Sunghoon.
“Can I have that piece, Sunghoon-ah?” Jay asked from across the table, chopsticks hovering in above the grill as if he were an eagle ready to swoop in.
Sunghoon knocked Jay’s chopsticks away with his tongs with a crossed look. As if he was going to let someone else have this piece that he so graciously saved from burning. As if he was going to let someone else reap the benefits of his hard work tonight. As if he was going t-
“Can I have that piece, Hoonie-hyung?” A honey-like voice sweetly asked.
As if on autopilot, Sunghoon immediately moved his tongs to deposit a piece of the brisket onto the plate to his left.
From across the table, Jay glared. “Pathetic,” he mouthed, looking Sunghoon right in the eye. Sunghoon stuck his tongue out in retaliation. Then, he turned to Sunoo who had his eyes closed in bliss while chewing on the piece of meat Sunghoon had withheld from Jay.
“Eat up, Sunoo-ya,” he chirped happily, already forming a bite of meat, ssamjang, and pickled radish with his chopsticks. A perfect bite, just the way Sunoo liked it. As soon as Sunoo was done chewing, Sunghoon pushed his chopsticks forward with the new bite, easily depositing the food into Sunoo’s mouth. Sunoo obediently accepted the bite, a smile of appreciation shining through his eyes as crinkles formed around them. Wisps of his freshly-dyed brown hair fell across his forehead, curling at the bottom from the night’s humidity.
As always, Sunghoon’s heart throbbed at the sight of Sunoo.
“He looks jolly as hell,” Heeseung mumbled from beside Jay. Sunghoon had heard it, of course he did. And had he not turned to pass another glare at Heeseung, he would’ve seen the prideful smile take over Sunoo’s face at Heeseung’s words.
“Guess who Jungwon-hyung and I saw today!” Riki excitedly babbled, a piece of lettuce sticking out of the corner of his mouth. Jungwon dutifully leaned over and plucked it out, before popping it into his own mouth. Heeseung winced. “Jungkook-hyung!”
Jungwon perked up, nodded eagerly. “That’s right, hyung came to our dance team rehearsal today.” He leaned into Riki’s side, who wordlessly wrapped his arm around Jungwon’s waist–the arm that wasn’t still stuck to Sunghoon’s side. “Some of the dance team alumni dropped by to monitor our piece before next weekend’s competition.”
Sunghoon’s posture immediately straightened at the mention of Jungkook. “Jungkookie-hyung? Taehyun didn’t tell me he was visiting…” Sunghoon mumbled, lips pursing in a quiet pout.
Sunoo’s eyes flashed to Sunghoon briefly, before returning back to his plate. He let out a disgruntled huff of air through his nose.
Sunghoon caught none of it, but everybody else at the table did. Jake chortled and Sunoo kicked his shin under the table. Again, Sunghoon caught none of it.
“Did Jimin-hyung show up?” Heeseung asked through a mouthful of brisket. Jay flinched as a piece of spit-muddled meat flew out of Heeseung’s mouth and onto Jay’s shoulder. Heeseung smiled at his boyfriend guiltily before dusting the meat off of Jay’s shirt.
Riki shook his head. “No, Jimin-hyung is on tour right now. I think Jungkook-hyung said he was in Amsterdam yesterday?” Riki’s lips formed into a pout, a dejected tone evident as he continued. “I wanted to ask him for feedback on my audition piece… But wow, Jungkook-hyung’s arms are even crazier now! Seriously, I asked him for his arm routine.”
Something buzzed in Sunghoon’s ears at Riki’s words like he was one of Pavlov’s dogs.
Sunoo finally spoke up after his bout of silence. There was a devilish look in his eyes that terrified everyone at the table except for Sunghoon, whose ears were still ringing. “That’s right, Jungkook-hyung has really nice arms.” He hummed in thought, as if to add fuel to the fire he set himself. “He wore a tank top in his last Instagram post. Wow… he looks so hot.”
Everyone else at the table froze, but no one more than Sunghoon. Whatever ringing Sunghoon had been hearing suddenly went silent and was replaced with static noise. It took him a few moments to properly comprehend Sunoo’s words, moments that everyone else spent looking even more terrified as their eyes darted from Sunghoon, to a smirking Sunoo, and back to Sunghoon.
“Ah…” Jake mumbled quietly. “He’s done it now…”
Sunghoon felt a small nudge on his right side. “Hyung,” Riki anxiously whispered in his ear. “Hyung, are you okay?”
Sunghoon blinked once, twice, and three times all while staring directly into the grill in front of him as if he had been hypnotized by it. He shook himself out of his daze at Riki’s worried almost-pleas, neck twisting as he took in every worried look directed towards him from the table (aside from Sunoo, of course). “Huh?” He asked dumbly.
“Are you okay, Sunghoonie-hyung?” Sunoo batted his eyelashes innocently as his big brown eyes practically bore into Sunghoon’s soul. Sunghoon felt like he was about to die. “Is something wrong?”
Sunghoon thought too highly of Sunoo to ever accuse the younger boy of being cunning or sly in any manner. To him, Sunoo was the angel who could do no harm–always perfect. To all his other friends, Sunoo was the devil reincarnated who got away with everything because of how much Sunghoon spoiled him (that’s not to say they didn’t spoil him just as much). So Sunghoon didn’t detect the sticky sweet drawl in Sunoo’s words, nor did he catch onto how fake the look of worry painted across his angelic features was.
Again, everybody else at the table did. They always noticed when Sunoo baited Sunghoon into a raging pool of jealousy.
Sunghoon was embarrassingly possessive of Sunoo–and everybody notes that it was embarrassing because Sunoo and Sunghoon weren’t even dating. Sunoo just had Sunghoon wrapped around his finger. So if anyone who looked even remotely interested in Sunoo came near him, they would bear the curse of being glowered down by a terrifying, Sunghoon-shaped shadow hovering over Sunoo’s shoulder. So really, it was Sunghoon who had wrapped himself around Sunoo’s finger–or maybe his entire fist.
If you asked Jungwon, and by extension, Riki, they would tell you that Sunoo wasn’t any better. It was exactly the reason why Sunoo had curled his sticky-sweet fingers into Sunghoon’s chest that night and tugged his organs every which way. It was exactly why Sunoo was pretending to be all concerned about Sunghoon while stirring the pot himself.
But Sunghoon was too pathetic to know that.
“Pathetic,” Jay repeats. No one needed to be told who he was talking about.
Sunghoon didn’t hear Jay, or maybe he just couldn’t. He was too absorbed by Sunoo’s attention. “H-huh?” He stammered, watching as Sunoo’s eyes widened a fraction larger (deceptively, the table noted). “Y-yeah. I’m okay Sun.”
Sunoo’s pout of worry quickly melted into a saccharine glow. He let out a charming giggle–charming to Sunghoon, evil to everybody else. And then he turned back to the table and eagerly said, “so, Jungkook-hyung-”
Jake groaned, and Sunghoon froze up again.
So yes, Sunghoon was gay. He was gay and in love with Kim Sunoo, he had pieced this much together from the amalgamation of his three sexual awakenings. He was gay, in love with Kim Sunoo, and jealous of his first love, Jeon Jungkook.
More specifically, Sunghoon was jealous of Jeon Jungkook’s arms.
It’s crazy, really, how fast the things that once brought you joy could turn into your worst enemy. The arms that kept you up for multiple sleepless nights and threw you down a rabbit hole of Quotev’s Am I Gay? quizzes could be the very same ones that were now being ogled by the current love of your life. Really, how fucked up was that? Very fucked up, if you asked Sunghoon.
And Sunghoon had really nice arms too–he really did! He went to the gym regularly and never missed his daily protein intake. Sunghoon personally thought his biceps were his greatest asset, as he told Jake and Jay.
“You have no good assets,” Jay said plainly. Sunghoon sneezed in his face.
“So sorry, it’s the rhinitis,” he lied.
Jake shoved another napkin into Sunghoon’s face and said in reference to Sunghoon’s greatest asset, “I’m sure they’re great.”
But Sunghoon didn’t really care what Jake or Jay thought. He only cared about what Sunoo thought–about him, his arms, and his arms being better than on par with Jeon Jungkook’s arms.
So Sunghoon was just going to have to show Sunoo.