Actions

Work Header

Rating:
Archive Warning:
Category:
Fandoms:
Language:
𒀝𒅗𒁺𒌑
Series:
Part 43 of Akkadian Translations
Stats:
Published:
2026-06-19
Words:
333
Chapters:
1/1
Comments:
6
Kudos:
23
Bookmarks:
2
Hits:
205

Babylon Got Back

Summary:

An Akkadian (Ancient Babylonian) translation of I Like Big Butts and I Cannot Lie

Notes:

Šumgallī ul iḫaššeḫki, šumma bappirī ul tīšî- My giant snake does not desire thee, if round barley wafers thou dost not possess.

(See the end of the work for more notes.)

Work Text:

Ilī! Bêkī! Ina qinnātīša amrī! Qinnātīša šurbûm!- My gods! Becky! Look to her buttocks! Her buttocks are the largest!

Ana Šamḫat zammerim imaššul. Tīdîšu- She resembles the mistress of a poet. Thou knowest this.

Minu zammerī šunūti iḫakkimūšunūti?- Who understands those poets?

Edāniš iqabbûšim aššu šī muššulti šamḫatim- They only talk to her because she is the likeness of a prostitute.

Agana, Qinnātīša! šina šurbûm!- Come on, her buttocks! They are the largest…

 

Ul sarrākam, warktīn pilḫā!- I am not a liar, revere buttocks!

Attunu, aḫī, lā tusarrarā!- You my brothers, do not be false!

Bēt awīltam irrub- When a woman enters,

Itti qablim ṣuḫḫurim- With a tiny waist,

U kippāt urkutim- And a circle of buttocks,

Šupluḫātunu!- Ye are made affraid!

Šudannin! Kēttuma- Be strengthened! Verily,

Warktān šuāti malâ- Those buttocks are made full.

Ina kusītīša ḫalpā,- They are slipped into her tunic-

Adīanšināti! Waqrā!- I pass judgement on them! They are worthy!

Narāmī, lušeṭḫīki - My love, may I bring thee near,

U ereḫḫīki- And have sex with thee,

Aḫḫīya udabbabūninni - My brothers they pester me,

Ki išarīšunu uštenellēšunūti- That she causes their penises to go up repeatedly.

 

Ooh, Lugalwarktānda- Ooh Lugal-butt-banda

Ina narkabtī ḫarrānam eršī- Ask for a journey in my chariot,

Amrīnni, amrīnni- Choose me, choose me,

Ki narkabtim ina ḫūl šarrim- Like a chariot on a major road,

Ina sârim ammarši- I see her dancing,

Ina riāšim ammarši- I see her rejoicing,

Iḫīal, anīal- She sweats, I lie down.

Tuppātim ezêršināti- I hate clay tablets,

Ša warktīn sapnātim- Which flattened buttocks,

Idallalāšināti- They extol,

Awīlam ina suqim u tašâlšu- Ask a man on the street,

Warktīn irâmšināti- He loves buttocks.

 

Agana, Aḫḫīya! Aḫḫīya!- Come on, my brothers! My brothers!

Bēletka warktin īšu? Does your mistress possess buttocks?

Šuribbīšu! Šuribbīšu!- Shake it! Shake it!

Eli warktān šâti irubbū! Before those buttocks I tremble!

Bābilum warktīn īšu- Babylon possesses buttocks.

 

First verse in Cuneiform:

𒌌𒊬𒊏𒅗𒄠𒉿𒊏𒀝𒋾 𒅔𒉺𒀠𒄩

𒀜𒌈𒉡𒀀𒄭𒆷𒌈𒊭𒊏𒊏𒊏

𒁀𒀜𒀀𒉿𒂖𒋬 𒄠𒄿𒊒𒌒

𒀜𒋾𒅗𒀊𒇷𒅎𒋢𒄷𒄷𒊑𒅎

𒌋𒆏𒉺𒋬𒌨𒆪𒁴

𒋗𒌒𒇻𒄩𒌈𒉡

𒋗𒁷𒉌𒅔𒅗𒀜𒌈𒈠

𒉿𒊏𒀝𒋾 𒅔𒋗𒀀𒋾𒈠𒆷

𒄿𒈾𒆪𒋛𒋾𒊭𒄩𒀠𒉺

𒀀𒁲𒀭𒋛𒈾𒋾𒉿𒀝𒊏

𒈾𒊏𒈪𒇻𒊺𒋾𒄭𒆠

𒌋𒂊𒊑𒄭𒄭𒆠

𒄴𒄭𒐊𒌋𒁳𒁀𒁍𒉌𒅔𒉌

𒆠𒄿𒊭𒊑𒋗𒉡𒍚𒋼𒉈𒂖𒇷𒋗𒉡𒋾

Notes:

I decided to prioritize making this scan over keeping the original meaning; initially I did a more literal translation, but it just had too many syllables.
The More Literal Translation:
QinnAtim rabiåtim apallaḫ, u ul usarrar- Wide buttocks I revere, and I am not false
Attunu, akhI lA tusarrarā!- You my brothers, do not be false!
Shumma šugītam ana ayyakim irrub- When a marriagable woman enters the temple
Itti qablim ṣuḫḫurim- With a tiny waist
U kippAt urkutim ina pAnIka ikkip- And a circle of buttocks comes near to your face
Tašaḫḫussi! - Thou art in awe of her!

I obviously had no idea how the hell to translate Rump-o-smooth-skin, so I stuck the word buttocks into the name of the sumerian mythologyical figure Lugalbanda, basically Lugal-butt-banda

Series this work belongs to: