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“We should go look for her.”
Her voice came out quiet, just above a whisper. Lapis turned to look at her, brows furrowed in confusion.
“Who?”
Peridot’s eyes snapped to hers’, and for the briefest moment, she saw a flicker of — something dark. It passed before she could blink, though, and Peridot simply continued with a flat voice that didn’t fit the face she'd seen glow so brightly, “If you had been listening, I said; Pumpkin is missing. We should go look for her.”
Lapis offered an uneasy smile, nodding along gently. She really had zoned out, hadn’t she? Seeing Peridot for the first time in months, and she was already blowing it, “Yeah, we should. Did you check the bathroom?”
Oh. Shoot.
The smaller gem just stood. The tension in her body made it very clear that she made sense of Lapis’ words in an instant. Peridot had been to the moon base, of course she knew there was an observation chamber, of course Lapis had run her mouth like a total — clod — and let Peridot know she’d been spying on her. Great. Perfect.
“It was the first place I looked. No, she wasn’t there,” The obvious tension went unaddressed, and Peridot just continued on as Lapis blinked in poorly veiled surprise, “she tries to locate our old residence when in distress, so my guess is that she’s there.” Her green hand waved vaguely in the direction of the countryside, and she met Lapis’ eyes again. She couldn’t help but shudder just a bit at the callous stare that Peridot levelled her with, but nodded anyway.
“Okay, I’ll fly us there.”
Peridot raised a hand just as Lapis’ wings unfurled, “No need. There’s a warp in the temple. You can fly there if you want, I suppose.”
“Oh. Right, yeah,” Lapis flushed in embarrassment, brushing the nape of her neck with her palm, “I’ll—head over then.”
Briskly, Peridot nodded and made her way into the precarious wreckage of the beach house without sparing Lapis another glance. Moments later, with a few clangs of steel and sounds of effort, the warp pad hummed and beamed with light before vanishing. Lapis pumped her wings and glided through the air, surveying the damage the diamonds had caused as she passed over the city on her way to the countryside. Chunks of shining gold debris dotted the beach and ocean, glistening dangerously beneath the harsh sunlight. She'd most certainly have to aid in cleaning that mess up.
But first, there was a far more dire mess she needed to clean up.
She landed on the soft grass soundlessly, soaking in the view after so many months. The corn was all gone — presumably harvested, she knew Peridot would never let such hard work go to waste — and in its place, a herd of cows grazed passively. Where the barn had once been, there was a gaping crater, now covered in a thin layer of grass. Across the crater stood Peridot — stock still, unwavering blank eyes staring at Lapis. She felt her body tense on instinct.
"You search the fields, I'll search the forest." She stated, louder than necessary considering the small distance between them.
She spoke without thinking, thinly veiled desperation cracking her voice, "I'll—I'll come with you. It would be more efficient to thoroughly search one place, rather than be seperate."
Peridot's brows furrowed ever so slightly in the way they did when she was considering something. She blinked, then nodded imperceptibly, barely sparing a moment before walking towards the woods. Lapis beat her wings to cross the crater, falling into stride next to the shorter gem. Despite Peridot's shorter limbs, Lapis found herself struggling to keep up. The brief walk passed silently, without a glance shared between them.
There are many things I should say, but they would upset you, so in general I—don't say those things…?
They walked beneath the canopy, the shade from the thick foliage drawing a shiver from her core. Her eyes burned— burned with unshed tears of frustration, burned into the back of Peridot's head. Too many words flooded the back of her throat, threatening to erupt and upset Peridot further. With the caution of treading on thin ice, Lapis slowly spoke:
"Even if it's summer, it's still so chilly under here," she quickened her pace, trying to catch Peridot's eyes behind her (new, spiked) visor, "why is that?"
"You know what shadows are, Lazuli," Peridot informed blankly, "if it's too cold for you, you don't need to be here." Her walking slowed just enough for her to meet Lapis' wavering gaze.
"No, I—" Lapis swallowed, really considering Peridot's proposal of being anywhere but here, "I want to talk."
"I don't see what there is to talk about."
"So much!" Lapis bit out, feeling the swarm of seawater at the back of her throat again as she gestured explosively with her whole body, "Peridot, I've been gone for months, surely I've missed things!"
"Three months, fourteen days, eight hours, and twelve minutes," Peridot leveled Lapis with a sharp eye, "I'm aware."
Their walk came to a halt, mission seemingly pushed to the side. Lapis squeezed her eyelids shut and pinched the bridge of her nose, attempting to quell the headache buzzing behind her eyes. Peridot continued observing her with an impassive expression, clearly waiting for something.
"I'm so— I'm sorry," Lapis swallowed, the salt water rapidly filling her lungs, "I'm glad I came to my senses, of course, but I never should have left in the first place. I'm sorry." The confidence she had felt hours earlier, landing upon the beach and gazing upon Peridot’s small form against the sand, faded more and more with each passing moment.
“Okay.”
What?
“…Okay?”
“Yes,” Peridot dipped her head in affirmation, seemingly content, before turning around and continuing to walk, “Okay. Can we find Pumpkin?”
“Wh— Peridot, that can’t just be it. I know you. I know you’re upset,” Lapis clenched her fists and held them against her chest, trying to keep the emotions from bursting out of her ribcage, “I screwed up, I left, I hurt you… I—”
Peridot whipped around, visage twisted into an angry snarl. A growl escaped her gritted teeth,
“But you apologized! That’s how it goes— you come back, you say sorry, and things go back to normal,” Peridot gestured firmly and mechanically with her hand, each event split by a small distance in the air, the other tugging fiercely at her hair, “But. It. Can’t! The barn and all of our Morps are gone, Garnet’s married, the Bismuth that poofed you all those years ago is here, Steven’s a diamond now, and— and— AND WE CAN’T FIND PUMPKIN!”
Despite the lack of lungs, Peridot took a hiccuping breath, arms clutching her torso like a lifeline. Lapis felt like she was drifting in space with no water to summon her wings — she had never been on the receiving end of Peridot’s anger. It scared her.
When she saw tears prickling at the edges of the smaller gem’s eyes, she didn’t think before performing the gesture of comfort she’d received so many times before. Lapis’ arms found their way around her torso, offering a squeeze to assure she was there. Peridot tensed fiercely at the touch.
“I shouldn’t have left. I was just scared, stupid, not thinking about how it would affect you. I’m bad, there’s something wrong with me, Peridot. It’s okay to stay mad at me, I—”
“I don’t think you’re bad!” She snapped, pulling away from Lapis with a startling force. She searched Peridot’s eyes, only to find the anger simmering down and leaving exhaustion in its wake. Lapis’ hands hovered in the air, unsure of where to go. The tension in the air melted into something somber, leaving her to shrink into herself with guilt.
“I’m… sorry.” Her hands lowered to her sides, eyes darting away from Peridot’s face, which scrunched up in frustration.
“I’m upset, yes. You shouldn’t have left, yes, but—” She swallowed, appearing at a loss for once, “do… do you really believe I’d think so poorly of you? That I’d—I’d never want to see you again?”
Lapis felt the swirling emotions settle in her stomach, threatening to burn through with how potent the shame she felt was. She thought about the nights spent with her back to the sky, safely asleep, knowing the other gem shuffling around in the dark would keep her safe, even if it meant laying down her life. The patience that Peridot had on the days where her head was filled with storm clouds and tsunamis which threatened to pull her under.
When she looked at Peridot, tired face freckled with sunlight, all that ran through her mind was; “No, of course I don’t think that. You’re too kind to ever hate me.”
Instead of speaking, she stood awkwardly and wrung her hands, unsure how to pass the fog clouding her mind and express her remorse.
After finally opening her mouth, all she could muster was a stifled sob, quickly covered by her palm. Peridot flinched at the sound as if she had been struck, arms raising uncertainly in the air.
"I missed you, Peridot. I missed you so much. I didn't ever want to leave, I was just so scared of losing the life we had that I tore it up out of the ground myself, I just—" She swallowed and dug crescents into her palms in an attempt to dispel the tears prickling at her eyes, “I just want you to know it was wrong for me to leave. To know that I don't ever plan on doing it again."
They stood in silence, leaving Lapis' words to hang awkwardly in the air. She wished the wind would pick up and blow them away and let them both forget about her ever saying anything, but that was stupid and impossible, and Peridot's face looked sullen in a way that made Lapis want to cry far more than Blue Diamond's manipulative abilities ever did. The forest seemed to constrict her, causing unease to brew dangerously in the pit of her stomach, make her feel like something was out to get them. She wanted to pick Peridot up and protect her from all the things that could hurt her, but — she was one of those things.
"…Okay."
"Okay."
"Y— yes. Really, this time. But…" Peridot worried her lip, eyes everywhere but meeting Lapis'.
Lapis inched forward, "Yes?"
"I'm going to need. Time," She enunciated cautiously, beginning to shrink into herself, "Things can't just 'go back to normal' when, rationally speaking… They weren't ever normal to begin with." A small, pitiful smile made its way onto her face, lighting up the forest despite its size.
Lapis nearly tipped over with how ferociously she nodded, "Of course — of course. I'd never ask you to rush. I don't want you to feel like you have to lie to me again, not ever."
"I'll try," Peridot muttered, twiddling with her fingers, before raising her voice rather abruptly, "Can we actually look for Pumpkin now?"
Lapis couldn't help it; she snorted and barked out a laugh, looking down to see a rather offended Peridot, "Pfffsh— obviously."
—
Slowly but surely, the tension in the atmosphere melted away, and the silence between them warmed into passive conversation. The air was still cold under the canopy, but the company made up for it. Peridot had brought her tablet with her (unsurprising, but where did she hide it?) and passed it off to Lapis while it was blasting some somber instrumental "country" music she remembered hearing quite often when they lived together, and even more often through the orbservatory.
"Pumpkin and I listened to it a lot when you were away," she barely whispered, hands lingering over Lapis' for just a moment as she passed over the device, "I imagine she'd recognize it and come back. She's always been intelligent like that, you know."
Time inched forward until the sun began to vanish beneath the horizon, painting the sky a dusty orange-red that forced Peridot to illuminate her gem. They had searched a reasonable portion of the forest and moved onto the fields, where Lapis cackled down from the sky at Peridot who was being swarmed by cows that mistook her head for fresh grass. The air was light with their laughter, and Lapis was struck once again with a bolt of thunderous anger at herself for leaving this.
She dove down without thinking and scooped Peridot up onto her back — a movement she'd performed countless times before — and flawlessly freed her from her bovine prison, earning a few confused bugles from below. Peridot broke the silence first: "I wish I had brought my lid. Aerial search would have most certainly been more effective…" Lapis took this as an invitation to keep her there and simply kept gliding.
By the time they'd circled back around to the crater (after a fruitless search,) the moon had taken her place in the sky and Lapis' eyelids had begun to droop. She kicks herself for getting into the habit of sleeping, now it had begun to catch up to her. Her wings slink back into her gem as she lands on the ground, wobbling just a bit from exhaustion and Peridot's weight on her back. The little gem slides down and rests a palm on the small of Lapis' back, urging her ahead.
"You're tired. You go rest, I'll keep looking. She's bound to turn up somewhere." Peridot's usual high-strung tone seemed sobered as well, especially prominent in the slow way she walked ahead. Lapis eased up next to her, leaning forward to meet her eyes.
"You look pretty beat yourself, besides—" Lapis stifled a yawn with the heel of her palm, "—We've already checked this whole area, and those cows look really interested in your head again." She snickered behind her hand, lifting her other to point out the distant herd slowly growing closer.
Peridot whimpered under her breath and inched back towards Lapis, who only giggled louder at the sight, "Err… I suppose we can head back. Our little veggie-head is smart, she can handle a few hours on her own." There was a note of pride in her voice beneath the fatigue, and Lapis felt her chest loosen.
'Our.' At least that much is still true.
Lapis offered to fly them both back, but Peridot insisted upon taking the warp: "Save your energy. You look so exhausted."
Bismuth greeted them as jovially as ever, one hammer-hand hovering over a board of wood, other raised to wave at them with a beaming smile on her face. The tension on her shoulders seemed to have eased, sensing the two of them had worked something out.
"You two turnin' in? Never appealed to me, but I'll try to lower the volume while you're both out," She paused her hammering to whistle, hands on her hips and eyes to the ceiling, "Yellow 'n Blue really did a number on this place."
Peridot raised a hand to stop her, "No need. I plan to remain conscious to assist in repairs," she smiled and shot a sly glance to Lapis, jabbing a thumb in her direction, "besides, this one snores too loud for me to try."
Lapis flushed with embarassment and whacked her finger away with the back of her hand, trying and failing to hide her smile. Bismuth threw her head back in laughter, meeting Peridot's eyes with a smile, "Alright, I'd be happy to see the stuff you new gems can do."
"The sentiment is shared," Peridot returned with a puffed out chest, reminding Lapis of those small exotic birds trying to impress a potential suitor, "however, I'd like to go… examine the wreckage of my former home before we get started. I won't take too long."
Bismuth's expression softened and she raised a palm, "No worries, take your time. I'll still be here."
"Right. Yes," Peridot wrung her hands (shivering lightly, Lapis noted,) and dipped her head to Bismuth before scampering away, "Thank you." Lapis trailed behind, legs protesting against any position that wasn't horizontal.
The beach was littered with debris that she would typically have to avoid, but her new footwear offered respite from her typical awkward dance across the sand. Peridot had no issue with walking directly over metal shrapnel and wooden scrap, quickly making her way down to the shoreline. Lapis wondered if that was simply an extension of Peridot's dense form, or if she was so fixated on making it to the barn that she didn't notice. Regardless; Lapis winced every time she stepped on a shard of glass or large splinter. She wanted to pick her up and safely place her next to the rubble, but she was still unsure of Peridot's stance on touch.
Instead, she opted to whisk her hand through the air and allow the ocean to swallow up the particularly dangerous chunks of rubble, leaving nothing but soft sand to surround what once was the barn. Peridot hardly took notice, slowing to a stop at the edge of the ruins. When the diamond had burst from the rubble, most of the parts had been scattered into the water and washed back ashore in a jumbled up mess. Peridot leaned down and lifted up the soggy, mildew-lined remains of her little green being up from the ruins. The stitches where her bow had been taken from were stripped and torn open, leaving its torso pitifully flat from the missing stuffing. Lapis watched silently as Peridot's free hand ghosted over her collarbone, where the bow would usually rest.
"I didn't move anything," Lapis breathed into the tense air, "some part of me thought it should have looked presentable—if I came back, that was."
Peridot only muttered in response, "That makes sense." Her hand fell limply to her side and she discarded the plush being on the ground with a quiet plop. She pushed away some boards that hung precariously overhead and crawled inside with a little squeak of effort. Lapis fidgeted with anxiety, craning her neck to get a better look of the dark ruins; that was one positive to being as small as Peridot was, she supposed. Lapis couldn't protect her inside a place she couldn't see, though, so that brought it back down to neutral.
"Pu— Pumpkin?"
Her eyes widened and she rushed forward, pulling the wood apart without a moment of thought.
Sure enough, the little organism was wiggling with excitement on a very knocked-over Peridot, nubby paws patting away at her visor. "What were you—Pluh—doing in here, girl?"
Pumpkin ignored her in favor of scampering across the moist sand towards Lapis, yipping with joy. In her mouth was a terribly soggy keep-case, its cover barely legible under the dirt coating its surface. However, she recognized the green and white flag immediately.
"For me, love?" Lapis smiled brightly while cooing down at Pumpkin, who ignored her, again, in favor of nibbling at her new flip-flops, "Hey, quit that. I need those."
The little gourd took the venomless scolding as an invite to leap up into Lapis' arms, the motion still instinctive even after months. Lapis twitched her wrist to pull the excess water clogging Pumpkin's hide, smiling down at the way the organism snuggled further into her chest with a contented gurgle.
Lapis crouched to the floor and scooped up the keep-case, clicking it open with her thumb. Surprisingly; the inside had gone relatively untouched. She wasn't sure on the status of the other DVDs, however — she'd have to get some new ones for Peridot. She absentmindedly planted a kiss on Pumpkin's round head as she closed the keep-case with a click.
Peridot peeled herself off of the soggy ground, hair tussled every which way. She grumbled under her breath while dusting the sand off of her thighs, unaware of Pumpkin wiggling ferociously in Lapis' arms in an attempt to reach her. Lapis breathed a laugh and gently lowered Pumpkin onto the sand, barely reaching her knees before the little beast was darting across the sand.
She held the keep-case between two free fingers, cautiously raising her head to meet Peridot's eyes. There was something deeply tired about her expression, but Lapis didn't question it, only passing her the case.
The tension between them weighed a tonne, the only sound permeating the silence being Pumpkin's delighted wiggles, the creaking of the unstable barn, and the soft lapping of waves upon the sand. Peridot no longer met Lapis' eyes, opting to instead watch Pumpkin squirm in her arms with the faintest hint of a smile.
Lapis couldn't help it. She stared. She'd spent days on end watching the green gem — both in-person and in the Orbservatory. Hours memorizing each and every crease of her face, curve of her body; the way she squinted with her smile, the faint wrinkle of her nose-bridge when she laughed, the way her hands danced through the air with jerky, patternless motions as she spoke, the near-imperceptible pouch just at the bottom of her stomach that Pumpkin loved to curl up on — the list was long, almost embarrassingly so. It occupied the active space of her mind during the impossibly long, isolating hours spent awake on the Earth's moon. She could only spend so long sleeping, and even then, her nights were never dreamless. She was haunted by the look of betrayal on her barnmate's face as she ascended higher into the sky with everything they'd built together in tow.
Though Lapis believed she'd seen every expression Peridot would ever make, she'd never seen one as lifeless as the one she had now.
She looked beautiful, even when mourning the Gem that stood right in front of her.
"Hey, you two!" Came a hoarse voice from the beach-house. Peridot snapped out of her stupor and glanced up, body loosening at the sight of Steven's father — Greg? — waving down at them. Pumpkin thrashed around in excitement and leapt out of Lapis' arms to locate the source of the sound.
Peridot didn't turn back to Lapis, only scuttling up the sandy beach towards the human, leaving her to trail behind.
"There you guys are! Jeez, we've been looking for you everywhere." Greg stumbled down the hill gracelessly in his sandals to meet the two gems halfway. Before Peridot could undeniably attempt to correct him on their whereabouts, Greg cut her off in a serious tone.
"We got — uh — a message from Steven."