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John walked into his tent, groaning in relief as he collapsed onto his cot. After hours of sitting in a crowded room with a great number of the other men, hardly ever given a moment to rest from sitting in a hideously uncomfortable chair, constantly writing as plans were being discussed for a final movement against the British, it seemed that there wasn’t an inch of his body that wasn’t sore. He set to trying to work the tension from his ink-stained fingers, periodically stealing glances toward the tent’s entrance, in hopes of seeing Alexander return.
After finally managing a satisfying pop of relief from his knuckles, John heard a soft rustling. He sighed and looked over his shoulder, hoping the entrance didn’t cave in on itself again (a testament to his and Alexander’s rushed assembly) but was pleased to see that his tent mate had returned.
A familiar weight settled behind John, and the latter shifted in order to accommodate the new addition.
“I think you know very well that this cot is hardly large enough for me, let alone the both of us,” John said, any malice in the statement betrayed by his fond tone.
“That hasn’t once stopped me before, has it,” Alexander responded, punctuating his words with a gentle kiss to John’s neck.
John squirmed under Alexander’s affection, turning over to face him. “I’d ask you if you were too exhausted to make the four foot journey to your own cot, but I doubt that is the case,” he teased, kissing his lover’s nose in return.
“Oh, but I am. The moment I lay eyes on you, my legs give out, and I simply lose all hope of going any further.”
John rolled his eyes, not unused to Hamilton’s sentimental declarations. “Honestly, Alexander, I’ve no idea how you aren’t even a little tired after all that writing and planning. It was incredibly excessive, even for you,” he said, yawning at the thought of it.
“Oh, I must confess, I was fading out a bit toward the end,” Alexander admitted. “But afterward, I decided that I must try my luck one last time and ask-“
“Beg,” John corrected with a drowsy smile.
“-His Excellency for a command,” Alexander finished, ignoring the interruption. “And he finally agreed”
John’s eyes widened as he sat up. If he was falling asleep before, he was wide-awake now. “He...he did?”
Alexander grinned in unrestrained pride. “Yes. I’ve finally ben promised the command I’ve been asking for all these years.”
“Alexander, that’s wonderful,” John said, kissing his lover firmly on the mouth before pulling him into an embrace.
The younger man smiled softly, taking John’s face in his hands and running his thumbs over his freckled cheeks. “Isn’t it amazing? I’ll be able to help lead our troops to victory in the final moments of this war.” Kiss “And then, the real work begins.” Kiss “We return home” Kiss “and we begin to build our new nation.”
The smile slowly faded from John’s face.
Home
He wasn’t sure what exactly that would entail. Most of his fellow men knew what to expect as they would return to their families, to their wives.
John tore his gaze from Alexander’s hopeful smile at the thought of Alexander’s wife, of his own wife.
He knew there would be no excuse for Martha to stay in England anymore. She and their daughter could finally come join him in America.
Good Lord. Their daughter
Alexander had clearly noticed a change, because he tilted John’s chin up so the older man would look at him.
“My dear Laurens, what’s wrong?”
John tried to feign a smile when he said, “Oh, I was just thinking about what the future holds for me.”
Alexander nodded, giving a reassuring smile in return.
“My dear, you don’t need to worry. You and I can return to law after this is all over. I can finish my studies, and we can open our own practice together. And I’m sure His Excellency will have something in store for us soon enough-“
“No.” Alexander looked like he’d been hit at this interruption, but John pressed on. “You seem to forget that I now have to make arrangements for my wife to come and join me. I’ve got to be concerned with that”
“Of course,” Alexander said dismissively “but you could always make plans to move to New York. Surely your wife wouldn’t mind.”
“Alex, I’m not quite sure you understand what I’m trying to say-“
“I certainly do understand, Dearest Laurens,” Alexander insisted. “I understand completely that your wife will be arriving, but that does not mean anything must change between you and I.”
“Except it does,” John snapped. “It changes everything.”
“John, please,” Alexander began, touching his hand to John’s face.
John pushed him away and continued, “Alex, this cannot go on. This,” he gestured between the two of them “must stop. Things will be much different once the war has ended. We will have wives to think about, and think of my daughter, and your son. Just because you see fit to ignore them now doesn’t mean you can continue to do so once you return home.” It was a low blow, and he knew it, but the frustration of the situation was only making it harder to filter his thoughts.
Alexander flinched, but immediately schooled his features back into something resembling calm.
“You’re one to talk. Don’t act as if you haven’t done the same to your wife and child. You’re no better than I am.”
“Yes, but at least you don’t have to worry about making up for it. Your son is an infant; he’ll never remember a time when you weren’t there. Frances is 5 years old,” he said, voice shaking. God, when was the last time he’d called his daughter by her name? “I’ve missed her entire life. I’m going to have to spend every moment trying to make amends and hope she won’t hate and resent me for leaving her to fight in the war. Martha promises that Frances will understand, but who can really say if that’s true?”
Alexander’s face softened. “Dear John, I know you’ll make it right. But imagine our children getting to grow up together; I’ve no doubt that Betsey and Martha would get along, and Frances could be something of an older sister to my son-“
“No, Alexander,” John interrupted, his voice breaking. “We’ve become too close. We can claim to be close friends as much as we’d like, but if someone were to suspect the truth about us…I’ve nearly disgraced my wife twice already. Getting her pregnant, then leaving her behind right after the wedding, before our daughter was even born. I cannot risk it again.” He turned away. “This simply is not worth it.”
Alexander stiffened beside him. “I see. Well, if that is how you truly feel.”
John nodded, still looking at the wall, the floor, anything but the man beside him. “It is.”
The two sat in a tense silence before John broke it, whispering, “perhaps it would be best if you slept in your own cot tonight.”
Nodding wordlessly, Alexander crossed the short distance to his own cot, laying down, back turned to Laurens.
Those four feet had never seemed so far before.
John looked up and stared at Alexander’s back, hoping he’d say something more.
When he didn’t, John settled back down, mirroring Alexander’s position.
A beat of silence
“Goodnight, Alexander.”
Silence
A whisper
“Goodnight, Dear Laurens.”