Work Text:
(I have found the perfect paradox, that if you love until it hurts, there can be no more hurt, only more love)
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"I'm sorry, Jimin," Taehyung says, quietly. It's night time in their shared apartment. Taehyung has a brown duffel bag resting by his feet, one that's filled to the brim with baggy clothes and meaningful belongings. There's a picture frame somewhere in there, of Taehyung and Jimin and an Eskimo kiss.
(and one jeon jungkook hiding behind the scenes)
He's seated on his double bed, where normally three people peacefully sleep - or in Taehyung the Insomniac's case: rest. His feet have Maroon 1460 Doc Martens covering them, whereas Jimin's Adidas Superstar sneakers are left at the entrance of the apartment. Timberland's are vacant from it's usual spot, along with three pairs of 270mm shoes. They're lying in the boot of a dusty yellow car on the street - but not the Timberland's, no, those are probably chilling at someone elses doorstep.
"T-Tae, what's going on?" Jimin breathes heavily, a feeble attempt at resisting the anxious feeling in his chest. Jimin probably knows what's going on. There's a missing photo on their shared mirror to tell him what's going on, along with a nonexistent clothing mountain on a wheely chair, and useless scattered items no longer being uselessly scattered.
He could very well assume that Taehyung had just decided to do a little spring cleaning, maybe gotten rid of a few miscellaneous items here and there. Except there's a cute mini cactus plant not in the living room, and there's an entire shelf of anime-based collections missing, along with a Batman mug, a dirty sock, and a bottle of Hello Kitty hand cream, that renders his 'cean-up theory' wrong. Jimin knows that Taehyung could never survive without his Pink Sanrio Strawberry Hello Kitty hand cream.
("Smell it, Jiminie! It smells like strawberry yoghurt! God the packaging is so cute! Thank you so much - where'd you find it?")
If it hadn't been for the bag and the Taehyung, the entire apartment would look entirely Taehyung-less. It was almost a picture perfect rendition of the year before Taehyung existed to Jimin. It was a year that Jimin heavily enjoyed, because Jungkook is an amazing boyfriend and he just has great friends in general - but a year that he wishes he'd never have to go back to, because Taehyung is also a great boyfriend, and so is Jungkook, and he has equally great friends and doesn't want to lose any of them.
Especially not Taehyung.
"Taetae?"
There's a Taehyung on the bed (keyword: a), but Jimin doesn't know if it's his Taehyung. He knows what's going on. But why? Had he been a bad boyfriend? He knew Taehyung was having issues but - but he didn't think it was this bad. 'This bad' being Taehyung sitting on a double bed with downcast eyes and a frown that doesn't belong there.
"Jimin," Taehyung starts, because Jimin deserves an explanation. As tempted as he was to just disappear without a word, that would have been horribly rude and all sorts of wrong. Jimin deserves to have explanations and answers and face-to-face discussions. Honestly, Jimin deserves everything. Unfortunately, Taehyung can't give everything - he can't even give him himself.
"Jimin, I love you." He says. It's true. "I've loved you since you sat next to me in college," Jimin is shaking his head and sobbing, looking just about ready to break. Taehyung stands up, takes Jimin's hand and leads him to sit on bed's edge in some attempt to calm him down.
"I loved you when you offered to begin a relationship with you and Kookie," their hands are intertwined and Taehyung doesn't know how he's holding on. "And I loved you when you asked me to move in to this place."
This wasn't really where he had planned on going, but who was he to deny fate?
"I loved you when you suddenly decided to go on an overseas road trip, but then got us lost in the middle of america. I loved talking to you about nothing on the back of a truck, watching the stars pass even if we were desperately lost."
Jimin sniffles when he looks up, eyes lost and desperate. "Th-then why?" He cries in a whisper. Taehyung doesn't know how he could be so beautiful, with all his puffy eyes and puffier cheeks. He moves Jimin's hair to the side as he reaches to smooth the knitted eyebrows. It's only when Jimin ceases his frown that Taehyung let's himself smile.
"Because I'm not in the right relationship." He declares. He had told these insecurities to Jimin when their romance had first began, but he had let himself be persuaded by puppy eyes and adorable pouts to push everything he knew to the side. He had never found the right time to fulfill his side of "if it doesn't work for you, then it's okay to stop. I don't want to force you, deal?" until now.
He felt like it was never his place to fall in love with Jimin and interrupt a loving relationship - even if Jimin refers to it (him) as a lovely addition. Taehyung could never understand why Jungkook was so okay with his inclusion, but the boy himself had a thing for another upperclassman, so he guesses open relationships were just his sort of thing.
It was definitely not Taehyungs thing. He doesn't know how he let it get to the point where he's a waterfall in their shower, sobbing because he has Jimin but Jimin will never be his. He's sobbing because he has everything he's wanted - so why is he so unhappy? If Jimin's happy shouldn't he be? Being possessive isn't cute, but Jimin is and he can't help the purple that spreads in his body from time to time.
"I thought you were f-fine with it?" Jimin sobs into Taehyungs chest. Taehyung pats his hair soothingly and waits until Jimin's breath evens to continue.
"I tried to be fine with it, I really did - and I'll never regret loving you - but it just didn't work out for me. I should have told you earlier but I guess I was too scared of losing you."
Jimin stutters a nod. Some part of Taehyung wishes Jimin would fight for his love so they can have a happily ever after, but then most of Taehyung wakes up and accepts it for what it is - a breakup.
"I don't think I have the capacity to love more than one person like you do, Jiminie, and that's okay. I'm not asking you to change." Taehyung smiles genuinely, he doesn't know how. He guesses it's just impossible for him to feel anything but light and well - happy when Jimin's by his side. Even if the boy mentioned isn't happy at all.
Jimin sits up suddenly, wiping his tears with cute sweater paws. Taehyung almost coos, almost pats his head, almost kisses his knuckles. His melting heart oozes into his stomach when he realizes he'll never get to do that again.
"Taehyung no, please, I love you so much I don't want to lose you - "
"You won't." Taehyung interrupts, holding Jimin's face in his hands, squishing chubby cheeks. "You will never. I'll always be here for you Jimin, I just can't be there for you like you want me to."
Jimin shakes his head furiously, brown hair tussling side to side. He shifts his legs until he's sitting full on Taehyungs lap. His frowning squishy pout is determined and adorable and Taehyung can't help but beam a grin in reply. It's incomprehensible, really, the extent of which he loves Jimin.
"If you love me then don't go. I need you, Taehyungie, more than you can imagine. You're the love of my life!" He all but screams at the stop-fucking-smiling Taehyung.
"I'm a love of your life. You'll be okay, Jimin, you still have Kookie, and all your friends, everyone will still be here."
"You won't." Jimin whispers, or more accurately: accuses. There's a shift in Jimin's eyes when he realizes his approach isn't working. The desperation is clean in his voice. "What about Kookie? Are you going to tell him?"
Taehyung has the audacity to laugh as he pulls Jimin into a tight hug. Jimin has the audacity to pout.
"Baby," he almost feels bad using the term of endearment, "Jiminie," he corrects. "I told you, as much as I love Kookie, I'll never love him like I love you - like the way you love him. He doesn't love me either, I know. I told him earlier too, he left to give us space. He's a great kid you know."
"I know."
Jimin sounds significantly better now, even if there are angry red marks marring his soft cheeks. Taehyungs expression is soft when he stares at Jimin's hard - but weak - gaze.
"This is too easy for you!" Jimin wails, latching his arms around Taehyungs neck. It's a characteristic wail though, all light-hearted whining, and Taehyung automatically knows that Jimin will be alright. That Jimin's already accepted it, probably has from the moment he walked in.
"Trust me it's not," he says as he rests their foreheads against each other, "god I love you so much you know."
"Then kiss me."
Taehyung doesn't know if it's the right thing to do, if he should just end it where it is - this is a good ending, a satisfying ending, safe...
Regardless he indulges himself, because Jimin deserves the world, but mostly because he needs to feel Jimin against him one last time. "Before I do," Taehyung struggles through the lump in his throat in the shape of: 'last'.
He pauses, is his request okay to ask?
Jimin desperately nudges him on, "yes?"
"Can I just have on selfish request."
It's probably - no, definitely rude of Taehyung to ask Jimin for requests when he's in the middle of breaking his heart. But he excuses it on three years of beautiful memories and one moment of perfect closure.
"Anything, please - "
"Then... Just, just for when we kiss, and only then..." Taehyung hesitates, still unsure, but Jimin's breath on his lips carry him on. "Can you be mine?"
Of course it's impossible to ask for that, because there's no way Jimin can be just his without breaking up with Jungkook (and he's sure that's something he could never do) but it's about the illusion, and maybe he can imagine that on the other side of his tears, in the blurry world he feels, there's a Jimin-and-Taehyung that belong to each other and each other alone.
Jimin cries like a river, and his nod is too enthusiastic for his breathy "yes," as he knocks their lips together like it was their second kiss - desperate because the first was kind of disappointing.
Jimin is too needy for movement, and Taehyung is too needy for emotion. "I'm yours, only yours," Jimin whispers into Taehyungs lips, and dives back in. Taehyung doesn't ever want the moment to end. He wants to be set in a loop, with his hands on Jimin's hips, and Jimin's hands in his hair. Lips attached like they belong, like they're a two-piece puzzle.
Taehyung knows there's probably a better comparison, but Jimin is his for the moment and he's not going to waste it on throwaway thoughts.
His hands dive beneath Jimin's waistband, and digs bruises into Jimin's hips with marks that are obviously Taehyungs. Hickeys would mean taking his lips off of Jimin's lips, and Taehyung never plans on doing that - even when his breath leaves his lungs painfully writhing.
He tells himself that the pain in his chest is from his lack of breath - because he's too far into this dreamy illusion and he'd hate to break it.
Taehyung is too dizzy from the rush though, and Jimin pulls back to break it. He's panting heavily on bruised lips, so much so that when Taehyung pants back they share the same air.
His fingers wrap themselves around Jimin's jaw, and brings their lips together again. This time it's slow. Jimin tilts his head into the kiss with an airy moan. "God, Jimin, I love you so much." He speaks into the kiss, and Jimin replies with loving pressure.
It's probably the sweetest kiss Taehyung has ever had, it's also probably the wettest. It's a kiss that's meant for Jimin and Jimin alone, there's no Jungkook in the picture. It's a kiss Jungkook will never have the pleasure of knowing. It's a selfish thought, unfair too - but life is unfair and Jungkook will probably understand.
Taehyung just wants a few moments to love Jimin like he's always loved Jimin. He smiles into the kiss - he's happy.
In their three year relationship Taehyung has probably never felt as content as right now - giving his final, goodbye kiss amidst a teary separation. It's a sense of freedom he's never had otherwise.
No dishonesty, no jealousy, no self doubt. Just pure aching love.
He separates the kiss with a chuckle when Jimin starts to hiccup. "Jimin, I've got to go."
He really hates to break the illusion, but any longer and he'll regret staying. He really hates the responsible part of his brain, gnawing at him incessantly to stay focused.
Jimin doesn't reply, well not verbally anyway. He tightens his grip around Taehyungs neck and pushes himself forward until there's no space between them at all.
They fall against the bed, Taehyungs legs still bent off the edge. Jimin shakes his head no.
"Jimin, please - "
"Taetae," and oh god, Jimin sounds so broken. "Please, please, please don't go." Jimin is a stubborn man, a Busan man he claims, therefore Jimin never begs. Atleast Taehyung has never heard it himself - until now.
He's a sucker. He gently tucks Jimin into the bed, pulling the duvet to cover the both of them as he pushes himself against the headboard of the bed. He let's Jimin settle himself against his body. He seems like a child in this moment, small and vulnerable.
It's because of this thought that Taehyung reaches into his pocket to text Jungkook to come home soon - he doesn't get the chance to complete his message though, because Jimin is looking up at him with big doe eyes and lips that say "you're mine."
"Go to sleep, love." Taehyung knows how sleepy Jimin gets after he cries so it's endearing to see Jimin attempt to stay awake even against the comfort of the bed.
"I can't," he yawns sleepily, "or else you'll be gone when I wake."
Taehyung doesn't deny this. Its simply the matter-of-fact truth. He has a hotel booked in Daegu and a three hour road trip with Hoseok to drive. This breakup had been planned for a week and now that it's been executed, Taehyung needs a long awaited break.
Taehyung refuses to lie, but affirming it will make Jimin feel worse. "Hey, I'll sing for you, how does that sound?" He compromises. It works as Jimin nods against his chest with a soft "hmm", and Taehyung figures it won't be long before the love of his life falls asleep.
Taehyung sings a children's song he doesn't really know the lyrics to, and let's a sleepy Jimin correct his words from time to time. It's a wonder that a bleary eyed and sleepy Jimin still manages to sing so breathtakingly.
It's when he's softly singing "with a heart that's nothing but lonely and anxious I'm waiting for you like this" that Jimin whispers "I love you."
"I love you," Taehyung continues the song. "I love you."
It doesn't matter that there's only a few lines left to sing because he knows, once he finishes the last note, that the rise and fall of Jimin's chest means he's asleep.
Taehyung looks outside the curtains for a second, letting the setting sun set a pretty picture over the room. It's peaceful and calm and he knows everything will be alright.
It's with that thought that he moves away from Jimin with unfamiliar ease, there's a constriction in his chest that tempts him to stay, but he decides to press an "I'm sorry," against Jimin's forehead instead. He picks up the last trace of himself, his brown duffel bag, and -
When Jimin wakes up he'll find the apartment completely Taehyung-less. At most he might grasp a lingering scent by his side but that will be overpowered by Jungkooks presence in a matter of moments. He'll think for a moment that Taehyung was just a dream, and in his tired state he'll let himself fall back asleep, tears and all, to chase that dream.
- closes the door.
"Hey hyung, if you ever hook up with Jimin, I won't mind, you know, as some rekindled flame for your super hot ex, I know how much you both love each other. And if you ever want to come back, you're always welcome. We both love you a lot hyung."
"I love you too, Kook, but for now just go back home please, he needs you right now."
"He probably needs you most, you know"
"I know. Hey, if you ever wanna meet up sometime-"
"I'll hold that onto you."
"See you later then?"
"Yeah, later hyung."