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“You’re not going home, yet?” Hanamaki asked as Oikawa pulled his pair of running shoes from his locker. There was a curious look in his friend and teammate’s usually bored face and Oikawa averted his gaze almost immediately knowing that if his eyes as much as lingered even for a few seconds, Hanamaki would definitely know.
“Ah yes. Just going to run a few laps around the school.” His voice wavered a bit but he wished that the club room was too noisy with the second years and first years discussing where to go for some quick snacks before heading home.
“Does Iwaizumi know?” He asked, and Oikawa abruptly stopped lacing his shoes to look up at Hanamaki who had finished buttoning up his shirt and shrugging on his blazer, totally forgoing the necktie because as he had said time and again, it was such a bother to wear those kinds of things. He smiled, “Well, why does he have to?”
Hanamaki gave him a look before he shrugged nonchalantly, “I don’t know. It’s just…” His voice trailed off, but he didn’t have to say it. Even when he asked the question, the words somehow tasted bitter in his tongue because Oikawa knew what was going on in his mind. Of course, Oikawa didn’t have to tell Iwaizumi anything about what he does every waking moment, just like they didn’t have to always have lunch together (considering they were in different classes) and yes, they didn’t even have to walk to school together and walk home every day—but, just like the usual times, he and they always, sort of normally did.
“Oi Makki, did you bring any umbrella? Looks like it’s gonna rain.” Oikawa’s thoughts were disturbed when their middle blocker, Matsukawa Issei walked over to them, placing a hand on Hanamaki’s shoulder. For some reason, Oikawa saw the smaller teen blush but chose not to comment on it. “Ah, yes.” Hanamaki said but Matsukawa eyed Oikawa curiously, too, “Wait, you’re not going home yet?”
Oikawa sighed—and shook his head, “Yeah—wait, what’s the big deal with me staying late?”
Matsukawa simply looked around, “Not really. More of you staying late without Iwaizumi checking in on you.” Oikawa gaped at the two of them disbelievingly, opening his mouth to say something but before he could, the door to the club swung open as Iwaizumi entered.
“Speak of the devil.” Matsukawa chuckled. Oikawa looked down and hurriedly finished lacing his shoes. Iwaizumi moved towards him slowly, tapping both Matsukawa and Hanamaki on their shoulders before he stood in front of Oikawa to open his locker.
“What devil?” He asked taking off his jersey jacket and dropping it on the empty space on the bench where Oikawa was currently sitting, trying to make himself smaller. He was standing a few inches away from him—their bodies not even touching and yet Oikawa’s pulse rate instantly began to pick up.
Oikawa looked up from under his lashes just to see Iwaizumi peeling off his shirt. Wrong move. He could see the way Iwaizumi’s abdominal muscles tighten with his every move and his eyes wandered towards the line of his chest muscles as he pulled his shirt higher and off of his sinfully shaped arms. Oikawa’s heart beat quickened and he looked down again. Shit, this is bad.
The two third years merely snickered, noticing the way Oikawa ogled at Iwaizumi before one of the first years, probably Kindaichi, called Iwaizumi to ask about the very same topic Oikawa was avoiding for almost three days straight now. “Iwaizumi-san, I heard a second-year girl confessed to you last Monday.”
Unsubtle murmurs started to spread upon the incomplete information and suddenly, everyone was interested. Except for him. Oikawa held his breath and clamped his teeth on his lower lip to avoid any sound to escape his lips. He could walk out now and leave the room because he really didn’t want hear anything about the topic, let alone, participate in it.
He had seen the whole thing happen before him—the least he wanted was a reminder of how the entire thing made him feel. This wasn’t the first time Oikawa saw somebody confess to his best friend but this was the first time Iwaizumi didn’t outright rejected whoever it was. Maybe because she was the prettiest—and Oikawa, had to at least, admit that. She had chocolate brown eyes, light brown hair and her pale face was dusted with tiny freckles. Even in his standards, she was a sight to be seen.
She also seemed nice and smart—the first time Oikawa saw a girl confess without even shedding a tear. She boldly told Iwaizumi how she had been watching his games back when he played for Kitagawa Daiichi—because apparently, the girl also came from that school, and ever since then, she had been secretly admiring him from afar, hoping to get the courage to someday confess to him.
And she did—on a Monday morning. When Oikawa and Iwaizumi were walking to school, the girl came up to them and asked if he could talk to Iwaizumi alone to which the latter was actually surprised about since he thought the girl was one of Oikawa’s fangirls.
If he was really Iwaizumi’s friend—which he is—he’d be happy for him. Having a pretty girl care for him was probably what Iwaizumi deserved anyway. He might look tough and rough on the outside, but Oikawa knew and had since long accepted that between the two of them, Iwaizumi had always been the caring one, the reliable one—the one who could be a perfect boyfriend, all things considered.
He knew all this… So he didn’t understand the bitter taste in his mouth, the lump forming in his throat nor the dull pain expanding in his chest, making it hard to breathe. What the hell is this?
“Ah, yes.” Was Iwaizumi’s only response, shoving his sweaty shirt inside his gym bag and slipping into his school uniform. “I think she’s in your class, Watari.” The second year libero stopped from rummaging around his bag to look up at the vice-captain, “Eh? Did you mean Mayu-chan?”
Mayu-chan. Even her name is pretty. Oikawa’s fist clenched against the cup of his knees—his knuckles turning white with the pressure, his fingernails digging the skin of his palms and he released a shuddery breath to hopefully calm himself but it wasn’t working. Shit.
“Mayu-chan? You mean that pretty class representative?” Yahaba inquired and Watari nodded. Yahaba walked towards his senior and placed a hand on his shoulder, “Way to go, Iwaizumi-san. Mayu-chan is one of the prettiest girls in school. You’re lucky to have her.”
Oikawa had heard enough. Before he could stop himself, he rose from his seat and in a slightly harsher voice than what he planned, pronounced, “I’m going now.” His voice was too loud or too hard because the club suddenly fell silent. He looked around to see the confused pairs of eyes directed at him and he just wished the floor beneath them would open up and swallow him whole. Thankfully, Hanamaki came to his rescue almost immediately, “Yeah. See you tomorrow.”
He waved at Oikawa and grabbed Matsukawa who was still snickering beside him by the arm and dragged him out the club. The rest of the team members suddenly remembered that club activities were already over and they should all be going home so they retreated back to their own businesses.
Oikawa wanted to leave now, but he still needed to close his locker—which meant he had to stand beside Iwaizumi to reach it. He debated over it for a while before Iwaizumi gave him a side glance, “What are you still doing in your club uniform?” Iwaizumi noticed his shoes and frowned, “You’re not thinking of still doing some training, are you?”
Oikawa didn’t answer which irked Iwaizumi even more, “Oi, Trashykawa.” Oikawa wondered if he should just ignore Iwaizumi but thought that ignoring the guy was pointless—they were friends and whatever he was feeling wasn’t enough excuse to take it out on him, “I’m just going for a run, Iwa-chan.” He replied flashing him one of the biggest, sparkiest smiles he could muster despite the harrowing hole drilling his insides, making everything hurt. Iwaizumi was taken aback probably by how sparkly his face looked and Oikawa used the chance to push him aside, close his locker door and jog out of the room, saying goodbye to the rest of the team.
He started running right away, not even bothering to stretch or warm up. He just came from practice so there was no need for that—at least not today. The summer air was thick with humidity and the sky wasn’t the typical picture-perfect summer sky one would have imagined. He did hear from the news last night that rain was expected tonight, but he didn’t think it would steal away the beautiful sunset he always enjoyed witnessing when he and Iwaizumi walked home from school.
Well, it wasn’t just the sunset that was stolen from him, anyway. He thought bitterly as he made the first turn to where the football field of their school was. Practice has also already ended for the club, it seems as only a few club members were doing individual practices at the goal post and across the field. He remembered when the two of them were kids and neither of them had any inkling that the two of them would fall in love with volleyball. Iwaizumi tried out soccer, and was surprisingly good at it. Okay, maybe he shouldn’t be surprised at all, considering how Iwaizumi had always been the athletic type.
But Oikawa had whined about it; he cried for hours when Iwaizumi pronounced that he would join a football club when they reached middle school because by then, Oikawa was already curious about volleyball—he had watched some matches in TV. To shut him up, Iwaizumi played with him, and got ultimately hooked. When they grew up, he openly teased the guy that he was the reason why he got to play volleyball. Iwaizumi would smack his head every so often, but wouldn’t deny it so he reveled on that idea. However, now, he wondered if that was what he had always been doing with him—forcing him to do things. Forcing his friendship where it wasn’t needed.
He picked up his pace until his lungs burned from lack of oxygen and his leg muscles strained from jumping too much in their practice and now this torture—but even those things didn’t hurt more than the churning pain in his chest. He didn’t want to think or feel things… didn’t want to hear any more of his own thoughts because he was just realizing how selfish he really was. He didn’t deserve their friendship. He didn’t deserve Iwaizumi.
He was a bad friend—possibly the worst. He always, always stole the limelight from the natural athletic prowess of his best friend—and why? Because he couldn’t let him surpass him, he couldn’t let him outshine him and then leave him alone. He always, always destroyed Iwaizumi’s confidence in himself only because if he realized he deserved so much better—which he actually does—Oikawa would suddenly be erased from the picture.
But why did he want to be in the picture, anyway?
He made another turn towards the gate of their school but stopped in his tracks when he saw Iwaizumi already on his way home—and he wasn’t alone. Mayu-chan was with him and their steps were slow but completely in sync. He was carrying her bag, just like a proper gentleman and she was blushing all over the place.
Oikawa’s heart clenched because the two of them actually looked perfect together. He didn’t even had it in him to call out and say goodbye because they looked so comfortable in their silence, their shoulders brushing against each other, knuckles touching ever so slightly. It was so beautiful, it hurt.
He remembered how selfish he had been their entire friendship and thought that maybe, he could change it today—in one simple move. He took a deep breath and plastered a huge smile on his face, determined to walk up to them and congratulate them on their new love. It was relatively easy—they were just a few feet from him, he could easily reach out to them in just a few steps, or probably call him out… but his legs wouldn’t move forward, his mouth wouldn’t form words.
Instead, his feet backed up suddenly, his mouth clenched tight and he turned around, wishing to avoid everything he was seeing. But before he could even start running, he heard his name being called, “Oikawa!” He ignored it—trying his best to outrun his racing pulse as he fought to remain sane even when the pain was driving him crazy because…
Because the spot beside Iwaizumi belonged to him. Had always been his! He hadn’t said it out loud, but the realization rang loud in his ears, deafening all the sense of reason he still had. He realized what was bugging him all along. Why it hurt; why even when he realized how selfish of a friend he was for not being sincerely happy with Iwaizumi having a girlfriend, he still couldn’t bring himself to walk up to them and congratulate them both.
He’s in love with him. It was pathetic and really just sad… even desperate because he knew this was going nowhere. Iwaizumi was his childhood friend and he always looked out for Oikawa. If he knew these feelings, he would probably be nice about it, shrug it off as some phase he would grow out of, like his obsession about Kageyama surpassing him, but if it was anything like that… then there’s no guarantee he’d grow over it anytime soon. Eitherway, he knew if Iwaizumi learned about this, their friendship wouldn’t be the same and Oikawa wasn’t prepared to do just that.
Oikawa didn’t know how many rounds he made when he headed back to the club, but his legs were already trembling with exhaustion when he slumped down on the floor of their club. He leaned against the wall, looking up at the ceiling until his vision got blurry.
When the tears fell, he didn’t bother wiping them away.
He didn’t know when the rain started, but when he closed up their club, the rain was already falling down in torrents. He rummaged inside his bag only to find out he didn’t bring any umbrella. He cursed himself softly for spending an hour crying inside the club when he could have just gone home and cried in his room.
No use regretting it anyway, because he needed to go home no matter what. He had already prepared himself for the rain when he went down from their club so he wasn’t expecting someone to be waiting for him at the foot of the stairs, carrying two umbrellas.
“I-Iwa-chan?” He called softly, not sure if he was just imagining things.
Hearing his name being called, Iwaizumi looked up and nodded at him, “Yoh, Oikawa.” He wasn’t in his uniform already and just like before, Iwaizumi always looked crazy cool in casual clothes.
He was frozen on the spot, knowing the only obvious thing to do was to go down and face him. He wasn’t prepared for that, but he figured he would never be anyway so he might as well do it now. Still, his steps were heavy and unsure. He stopped a step from Iwaizumi and despite the newfound ache budding in his heart, was able to smile, “What are you doing here? I thought you already left.”
Iwaizumi yawned a bit, not even bothering to cover his mouth and other times Oikawa would have said it was rude but he was busy holding his breath to even say anything remotely close to that, “I did. I just came back.”
“Why?” He couldn’t help the shiver that ran down his spine and the small flicker of hope slowly soothing his tired heart. It was almost addictive.
Iwaizumi frowned—the same frown he always gave whenever he thinks Oikawa’s being a complete idiot—and presented him with a light blue umbrella which incidentally closely resembled Oikawa’s own. “You forgot your umbrella in my room the last time you came over.”
“Oh.” Was the only thing Oikawa said because the last time he went to Iwaizumi’s house was during a sleepover three weeks ago. He even forgot that he left it somewhere, and yet Iwaizumi remembered. He took the umbrella and smiled again, “Thank you and sorry for bothering you.”
Nobody noticed the way both of them opened their umbrellas at the same time and stepped into the rain at the exact moment. Nobody noticed the way their movements were too in sync, it almost looked like a choreographed dance. Nobody—especially not Oikawa who despite his aching leg muscles made his strides wide and fast, hoping he could walk ahead and not by Iwaizumi’s side—a spot that already wasn’t his.
“Why are you avoiding me?” Iwaizumi said, his voice loud and clear despite the heavy fall of rain. Oikawa wanted to pretend to not hear but Iwaizumi reached out to grab his shoulder and force him to stop. Oikawa blinked at him innocently, “I don’t think I understand.”
“Stop shitting me.” Iwaizumi growled at him, the nails on his shoulders digging past the point of tolerable to painful, “You’ve been avoiding me since Monday.”
Oikawa didn’t know how to react. His mind was telling him to totally deny it but his heart was telling him otherwise. Really, he only had two choices but both of them wouldn’t leave him scratch-free. He chose to follow his brain this time, because there were a gazillion times he let his heart decide for him and it always ended up ugly. He would still hurt, but at least the lost wouldn’t be as devastating. For once, he chose to do the smart thing—at least that was the plan.
Because suddenly, dropping the umbrella he held, letting the rainy wind sweep it a few feet from them, he used both hand to grab the collar of Iwaizumi’s jacket and pull him into a chaste kiss. He saw Iwaizumi’s green eyes widen in shock, heard the soft muffled gasp as he tasted the rain off of his warm, wet lips.
The moment was quick and terribly short and he ached for more but before Iwaizumi could push him off of him, Oikawa had already pulled away, face flushed red, “I’m sorry.” He whispered, sure that Iwaizumi couldn’t hear him. He stood there looking down at his feet, waiting for whatever was coming for him—a look of disgust, a kick, a punch—he was ready to take it all because shit! He deserved it after pulling a stunt like that.
The rain poured heavily against him, and in just a few seconds, he already looked like a drowned rat. He heard Iwaizumi groan aloud before cursing loudly, “Goddammit, Shittykawa!” It only took moments for the words to register in his brain before he was being pulled under Iwaizumi’s umbrella. “Iwa—“ His voice was cut off when lips pressed against his own, stopping his mouth from saying anything else.
The seconds ticked by until he realized what was happening. Iwaizumi is kissing him. Iwaizumi is kissing him under the rain. It was also different from the way he kissed him a few moments ago, because Iwaizumi’s lips were moving against his, nipping and sucking on his lips until the smell and taste of spearmint assaulted his senses, setting his wet body on fire. His mouth unconsciously fell slightly open and Iwaizumi used this opportunity to grab his chin, tilt his head to get more leverage and more access. He felt the warm heat of his tongue swipe on his lips and the world around him started spinning.
But, with all the sensations he was feeling, jerking his muscles into action, Oikawa was still too stunned to respond to the wanton kiss, too shocked to even make sense of what was happening. Iwaizumi noticed this and stopped abruptly to look into his eyes directly with an unusually anxious expression, “Shit, Oikawa. Was that just a fluke?”
The rain was pelting their bodies with fat raindrops as the umbrella was too small for the two of them, but not one of them bothered to break away and find shelter because moving would mean they would have to break the moment and they had long waited for this to happen.
Iwaizumi waited for his response and if only he wasn’t so oblivious, he would have seen that Oikawa was already scarlet red from embarrassment, he would have heard that fast hammering in his chest from all the fluttering in his stomach or he would have noticed that for such a smooth talker, Oikawa somehow lost his ability to talk. A few moments passed until Oikawa shook his head and swallowed a few more times, “N-No, it’s not.”
Iwaizumi gave a toothy grin which for some reason brightened everything in that gloomy night and Oikawa felt his heart drop, “Good.” He said before grabbing Oikawa’s wrist and dragging him back to the club, totally neglecting Oikawa’s blue umbrella on the ground. Oikawa let him lead him back because all the strength in his body totally left him and he felt like he was just floating in air.
Iwaizumi used his spare key to open the club, powering up the lights before facing Oikawa who meekly followed him and closed the door after him. He looked so unsure of himself, Iwaizumi noted and it brought him back to when Oikawa almost hit Kageyama because he was afraid of being surpassed. It was painful because this was his fault—he did this to him. Oikawa gave a half-hearted laugh, “I don’t think Mayu-chan would appreciate it if…”
“Stop talking about her.” Iwaizumi cut him off before he could say anything else to self-destroy, “I just kissed you, idiot. What the hell are you doing talking about someone else?”
“But she’s your girlfriend!” Oikawa snapped but it sounded more of a pathetic whine. Iwaizumi gaped at him, “What?! She’s a girl who confessed to me and who I turned her down. What the fuck is new with that?”
Oikawa frowned, confused at his claim. “B-But you go home together.”
Iwaizumi huffed in annoyance, scratching his already damp hair, “Well, that girl doesn’t know how to take ‘no’ for an answer. She insists on walking home with me so I let her since she lives just a few blocks away from us, and well… you’re not walking home with me, anyway.”
Oikawa blinked at him, shocked, “What, so this was my fault?”
“I didn’t think you’d mind.” Iwaizumi shrugged, finally taking off his wet jacket, “Besides, I didn’t know my feelings were requited until only a few minutes ago.” Oikawa just gaped at him, still refusing to believe what he just said. He went over his locker, opened it and took two fresh towels, throwing one at Oikawa who was already slumped on the floor, hands grabbing the sides of his face in a total look of defeat.
“Oikawa.” Iwaizumi called him, but Oikawa couldn’t face him right now. It was stupid. He was too embarrassed to admit that he was… “Were you jealous?” Iwaizumi asked and he wanted to spite him because really, he didn’t have to say it out loud, did he? “I’m not.” He retorted but even to him, the lie sounded weak and obvious. He took a few shaky breaths before he let the words roll off his tongue like a dam finally bursting open, “It’s just that… when I look at the two of you… you do look really good together… And I feel really bad because no matter how much I tried… I couldn’t be sincerely happy for you. But when I think about it, it’s not because she isn’t perfect for you. I just didn’t like you… with someone else and I know that’s selfish but…”
“Tooru.” Oikawa stopped mid-sentence because there were only a handful of times that Iwaizumi decided to call him by his given name, “If you don’t stop now, I’m seriously going to punch you.”
“What?!” Oikawa gasped turning to Iwaizumi who was looking at him with a gentle expression, his heart almost ached. He pouted, realizing it was a joke, “Why did you have to ruin the moment?”
“I’m not the one ruining it.” Iwaizumi said, “Do you really think I don’t know how selfish you are? Don’t you think that if that bothered me, I would have been the first one to punch some sense into your thick skull?”
It took a few moments before Oikawa realized his meaning, waves of embarrassment began crashing on him repeatedly, he wanted to bang his head on the wall. He looked down at his pruned hands, refusing to meet Iwaizumi’s eyes even when the latter called out to him. Of course, if there was one person who could look beyond his pretty boy façade and know about his true selfish nature, that would be Iwaizumi. Even things he didn’t know about himself, Iwaizumi would somehow know. That was how their relationship worked anyway.
A towel fell on his head, covering his face and he felt Iwaizumi sit beside him. The heat emanating from his body had somehow tripled and Oikawa had to admit, he enjoyed the extra warmth. “If you don’t change, you’d get a cold.” Iwaizumi said softly. Oikawa didn’t move and he heard Iwaizumi click his teeth in annoyance before two strong hands grabbed the towel on his head and began rubbing furiously.
“Ow! Ow! Iwa-chan, stop it!” He tried to grab Iwaizumi’s hand to stop him, but instead, the latter caught both his hands and pushed it against the closed door, pinning him effectively on the wall. Oikawa’s breath caught in his throat, his eyes widening as he watched Iwaizumi skim his face intently as if he was memorizing every tiny detail of his features. He could melt under those green eyes.
Instinctively, Oikawa closed his eyes and waited for Iwaizumi’s lips to settle on his eager ones. His eyes, however, snapped open when he heard a soft chuckle coming from the man who dropped his hands immediately. “I’m not just going to kiss you.” Iwaizumi said in between laughs and Oikawa gave a petulant scowl, “Mean, Iwa-chan.”
The laughter died down and Iwaizumi gave him a serious look, “If I did, I wouldn’t be able to promise you I’d stop there.” Iwaizumi said and Oikawa’s eyes almost popped out of its sockets upon realizing what he meant. His face turned beet red and a certain heat started deep within him at the prospect of them doing more than a kiss, but Iwaizumi flicked his forehead, “Oi. Don’t get ideas, Shittykawa.”
He said that, and yet his cheeks flared up with those simple words. Oh, it was too cute. Oikawa wouldn’t, for the love of him, let this chance pass him by. He leaned forward, pressing their foreheads together and whispered, “But in the near future?”
Iwaizumi smacked him at the back of his head, “Drop it or I’ll hit you.”
“You just did!” He complained, rubbing the area of impact. Iwaizumi simply glared at him, but in one quick movement, he had swooped in, grabbed him by his chin and placed a very quick kiss on his lips, releasing him without a moment’s pause. Oikawa was caught off-guard, again, “No fair.”
That night, the two of them walked side by side, Oikawa finding comfort in returning to the spot beside Iwaizumi which had always been his. He was selfish, alright—because he wanted to possess everything about Iwaizumi, without giving a chance to anyone who wanted to love him too, because for him—only he could love Iwaizumi the way he deserved to be loved.
They didn’t talk about what would happen next, if what happened meant they’re already officially dating because both of them settled with the comfortable silence which somehow always seemed to find its way between them.
They didn’t need words anyway because when their knuckles bumped against each other, Iwaizumi deliberately took his hand and laced their fingers together, not letting go until they reached the point where the two of them have to part ways to head to their own homes. They did, but not until Oikawa pulled on Iwaizumi and kissed his lips, biting down not too gently on the latter’s lower lip. Iwaizumi groaned aloud, the sound was music to Oikawa's ears, at least until Iwaizumi glared at him and swore that he’d get his revenge.
Oikawa blew him a kiss. He simply couldn’t wait.
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