Chapter Text
He’s heard old tales that when one’s life is coming to an end, events of said life flashes through one’s brain for however long your heart continues to beat.
Is that what this is?
His brain lags somewhat as his eyes slowly scan around the room, grogginess having completely overtaken him.
He doesn’t remember such a room or such a bed in his life. No, this place is unfamiliar, new. Nothing like Unsha’s manor or Anakt garden.
Where am I?
An oxygen mask takes up some of his field of vision causing even more confusion.
He really doesn’t remember being in a bed on oxygen at any point in his life which leads him to his next train of thought.
Am I alive?
He has to be. Why else would he have an oxygen mask on?
But if I’m alive what happened to-
Panic overrides the grogginess in his system and he jolts up as dread engulfs him.
They couldn’t have killed him
He won
They wouldn’t have-
Cold damp hands press against his chest as panic bubbles to the surface and dilated teal eyes stare directly into his own wide obsidian ones.
“D-Don’t get up.” Till’s voice sounds raw, painful.
A relief washes over Ivan knowing Till’s safe, alive but one question remains that keeps him somewhat on edge.
“Where are…The Segyein?” the black haired man asks surprised how quiet, how distant his voice sounds.
His eyes fall back onto Till.
The grey haired man looks like he really doesn’t know what to do with himself, standing there awkwardly with his hands against Ivan’s chest. Ivan watches as a multitude of things flash across his face.
Trauma, exhaustion, anger, upset and maybe weirdly concern.
Why?
Ivan repeats his question and Till just stares at him for a moment before speaking again.
“...Not near.” he mutters.
“Where are we then?”
He shrugs looking just as lost as Ivan feels.
Till’s eyes are red and puffy, he rubs his arm against his eyes, smudging his eye make up more as he does. He looks like he wants to embrace him but he seems to be holding himself back for some reason.
It doesn’t take a genius to know he’s been crying but it begs one question for Ivan: Why?
Ivan stares up at him as tears roll down the grey haired man’s face before he slides his hands up to Ivan’s shoulders, practically gripping them as hard as he can. It should hurt, his nails scratch against Ivan’s skin but he doesn’t really feel anything.
“You fucking idiot!” Till growls out looking downright furious as he squeezes his shoulders. “Why would you do that?! What the fuck were you thi-” he yells the best he can before turning away to cough.
When Till turns back he looks at him with complete fury in his eyes.
Why are you angry with me?
You should be grateful
It was all for you
You needed to survive
His gaze lingers, furious but also filled with pain, upset among other things Ivan can’t name nor understand.
Ivan reaches a hand up and Till hunches. His fingertips brush against the silver choker around his neck making the grey haired man flinch.
Does it hurt?
Did I hurt you?
“...Why do you think?...You know how it goes, one of us has to die. It’s the nature of the competition.” Ivan replies with a slight coldness in his voice as he says it. “Did you want to die? Was that more preferable?”
Deep down he knows the answer, why else would Till have stopped singing and practically given up, why would he surrender under his fingertips?
But he’s not the preferable option, he never will be in Ivan’s eyes. A world without Till would be a miserable world Ivan would want no part in.
Till flinches at his words. Clearly he’s hit a nerve, he’s quite good at that when it comes to Till and previously Sua too.
“The fuck is wrong with you?” The grey haired man’s teal eyes look shiny, like he might cry again. “...Don’t ask shit like that.” he dodges the question, eyes darting to the side.
These twisted emotions
Among other things
But I’m not the only messed up one here
“Noted.” Ivan mutters, forcing a small smile.
Till scowls at him and sniffles before he speaks up again. “..You’ll fuck something up….Lie down…Bastard.”
He’ll fuck something up?
The taller man blinks and looks down. There's bandages wrapped around his torso and left shoulder along with a tube sticking out of the side of his body where his lung is.
He should have suspected his actions would have consequences but at the same time why should he? After he’d collapsed he expected nothing but darkness.
“...You’ve got a collapsed lung.” Till mutters as he notices Ivan staring at said tube. “Lie down. Don’t touch it.”
“..I’m not that stupid.”
Till tries to look unimpressed but his eyes are too wide to achieve such, he looks far too emotional.
Ivan finally listens to him, noticing a slight relief flicker across Till’s face as he does. Said face is paler than usual, like all the colours drained from it.
The black haired man’s hand goes up, landing on a breathing mask covering his nose and mouth. He goes to remove it but the grey haired man stops him.
“Don’t.”
“You should sleep.” Ivan mutters to him, making Till huff.
Or get medical attention
“I don’t want to.” he replies, stubbornly, shifting on his chair. He looks downright uncomfortable with the suggestion.
He doesn’t want to be here
He’s only here out of pity
“You look like shit.” he offers a weak smile wondering if maybe Till will smile back.
That’s a lie, even in this state, Till still looks perfect.
“...Thanks, you too.” Till mutters, half hearted.
He rubs a hand against his throat where Ivan’s hands had been Anakt knows how many hours ago. Then stops when he notices Ivan watching him and looks over to him.
“...Why did you do that?”
“One of us had to-”
“Not that.” Till sighs and rubs at his throat again. “Choke me…Touch lips.”
Ivan shifts in the bed, anyone else would answer him, explain themselves but Ivan can’t bring himself to. Till deserves, hell is owed an answer but he’s a coward who can’t give him one.
“Shouldn’t you alert someone I’ve woken up?” he asks, changing the subject. Trying and failing to sound lighthearted.
The grey haired man seems unhappy with said attempt, opening and closing his mouth a few times, frowning more each time he does before standing.
“We’re not done here.” he utters, turning to leave, a mixture of emotions on his face.
“Leaving implies we are.”
He half expects Till to curse at him but he instead just glares.
Ivan breathes, waving him off with a small smile which Till scowls at, flipping him off.
* * *
The fact he’s in no pain means he’s medicated. How long will said medication last before the pain kicks back in? How long could he mask it before someone notices?
Till looks back at him from the doorway, he looks both younger and older than he actually is at this very moment.
He’s still wearing his round six outfit, trying his hardest to suppress a shiver but Ivan notices.
He’ll get sick if he doesn’t dry off
Teal eyes practically bore into his soul.
It sets him on fire to have such an intense gaze aimed at him but it terrifies him at the same time.
He’ll learn you’re no better than the Segyein
Then he’ll leave
* * *
The moment Till leaves, he bumps into something or more accurately someone.
“S-Sorry.” A cough overtakes him and a hand is rubbing circles on his back.
“You should probably get your throat checked, kid.” An unfamiliar voice says, causing him to look up with a frown.
A man with bleach blonde hair, brown roots and a wide smile. One of the rebels who brought him and Ivan here. Lewie? Huey? He honestly can’t remember anything outside of his and Ivan’s round, outside being dragged away from him screaming and cursing until he ended up having a coughing fit.
“I-I’m f-fine.” he says hoping if he’s quiet enough he’ll avoid coughing again. Granted the stuttering isn’t helping.
The mystery man looks unsure with that.
“Can’t hurt to check.”
Till glances back to the door.
“I-Ivan’s awake.” he blurts out just as the mystery man speaks up.
“You’ll be back with your buddy in no time kid, promise.”
The man blinks before grabbing a walkie talkie attached to one of his belt loops. He clicks it.
“The kid’s awake.” he states calmly before a voice Till recognizes as Mizi’s comes over.
“Ivan’s awake?! I’m on my way.”
He doesn’t know why she’d hadn’t been waiting with him for the black haired man to wake up. Maybe she was giving them space after what happened? Yeah maybe that’s why.
Mizi and Ivan have been close ever since they were kids, it makes sense for her to be so concerned, so relieved. Till would be lying if he said he hadn’t been jealous of said closeness. How much Ivan hogged Mizi whenever they played.
She didn’t play with you
He did
“I’m gonna check over your other friend too.”
“Thank you Dewey.”
It was always him
Dewey puts an arm around him which makes Till startle. Despite how he comes off on the stage, he’s actually quite shy and the new face being so friendly makes him hunch somewhat.
“What’s your name kid?”
The guy doesn’t even know him and he’s already like this. Is he always like this with new faces?
“...T-Till.” he mutters before practically going into a trance. If Dewey says anything else, Till doesn’t hear him.
He guides him forward as Till walks practically on autopilot, his brain flashing through the previous events on the stage as he walks.
Touching lips, Ivan’s hand on the back of his head, hands squeezing his throat.
His throat feels tight, everything feels like it’s closing in. He has to practically fight himself to avoid choking.
Why did he try to sacrifice himself for me?
His eyes sting and a rage boils under his skin.
Why?
Why?
Why?!
* * *
Ivan’s not sure how long he’s been staring up at the ceiling when the pink haired woman walks in.
A look of complete boredom switches to one of utter surprise and shock.
“...Mizi?” he sounds almost uncertain as he says her name. A name he thought he’d never utter again and a face he thought he’d seen the last of after her round with Luka.
The woman hums and sits next to his bedside, she grabs his hand and squeezes tightly, tears fill her chartreuse eyes.
“...I thought I’d lost you too.” Her voice is quiet, unsteady, almost a whisper.
So vulnerable he doesn’t really know how to respond, so he just squeezes her hand back as much as he can manage right now.
She blinks and tears rapidly rush down her cheeks and he carefully pulls her against his chest, resting his good arm against her back.
Ivan just sits there, unsure on how to react, what to even say. It feels awkward almost to him, he’d never expected to see her again let alone get such a reaction.
He tenses and Mizi looks up at him, eyes wet.
“Sorry...Am I hurting you?”
“No.” he mutters and almost flinches as she cuddles him gently.
Anger he could handle, frustration, insults but this broke his brain somewhat.
Did she perhaps care about him?
No
That makes no sense
Why would she?