Archive of Our Own

At first, I was curious. I mean, octopus facts, garbage luck, raging social anxiety? It read like a puzzle at first, and I decided to see what I could figure out about him. That, and I felt sorry for him. How could I not, after I'd watched him flailing around like that and then seen him get inked.

Nakamura (he was pretty sure it was Nakamura, but he might have misheard the name) scrubbed ink off of his face while Aiki tried really hard not to laugh at him.

He'd already blown that notion completely out of the water, but it didn't hurt to try.

Unfortunately, Nakamura's face was still covered in sticky black gunk. Aiki wanted to sigh sympathetically, but what actually happened was another, even louder peal of laughter. Everyone turned to look, and Nakamura turned a brilliant shade of red under the ink. Aiki winced.

"Uh... Maybe you should come with me? I bet they've got something to deal with that stuff in the biology room, since they're doing octostuff today." he shifted to get in the way of the worst of the staring. Nakamura turned even redder, but he let out a squeak that Aiki chose to believe was meant to be a yes, so Aiki gestured with his head and said "can you get the door?"

Nakamura walked to the door with his head down. There was practically a little rain cloud following him around. Once they were in the hall, he shuffled gloomily along.

"I... Um... Sorry. For laughing at you, I mean. That must have been pretty embarrassing."

Nakamura straightened up at his voice, like he'd just remembered he wasn't alone. "It's okay," he said unconvincingly.

"How do you know so much about octopuses?"

Nakamura slowed down for a couple of steps, then started walking faster. "No reason," he said.

Once again, unconvincingly.

"I mean, I think it's kinda cool, actually. I like animals, and unusual animals are a lot of fun." Aiki was maybe reaching a bit to try and salvage a conversation that was slowly spiraling in ways he didn't quite understand, but he really did like animals, even if he never really considered the charm of the humble octopus before. The animal's oily skin squirmed and wriggled in his hands, and one of its arms wrapped around his wrist.

It was surprisingly strong. Very grippy.

"I... they're my favorite animal. I've had two pet octopuses." Nakamura turned to look at Aiki, like he couldn't quite believe they were still talking to each other. The ink all over his face made him look gloomy and really, really, really bleak, like a hopeless peasant in a show about the dark ages.

"Lucky!" Aiki crowed. "I've never had any pets at all! What are their names?"

Nakamura pioneered a new shade of red. "I got Icchan when Jacques died last month. They don't live very long."

"Jacques?"

If Nakamura kept turning redder, he was gonna pass out. "I named him after Jacques Cousteau," he mumbled. He opened the door of the biology classroom, and Aiki rushed in ahead to keep Nakamura from being any more embarrassed than he absolutely had to be.

"I think I found the last octopus," he called out.

Several students looked up from handling an octopus in a little tank, and the teacher pointed wordlessly to the tank. Aiki set his passenger down gingerly and looked at the other two octopuses. "Hi again, guys," he joked. Nakamura made a strangled noise behind him. Aiki approached the teacher quickly and leaned in to say "my friend got kinda inked. Do you know how to get rid of it?"

The teacher looked up at Nakamura, visibly bit his lip to keep from laughing, and handed Aiki a small stack of little individually wrapped wet wipes. "I made sure to stock up on these earlier today," he said.

Aiki nodded and hurried back to Nakamura, to shuffle him out of the classroom. Nakamura scrubbed at his face, and the wipes seemed to be actually helping, though they couldn't wipe out his furious blush, and the upside-down faceprint on his apron was probably permanent. Fortunately, the stain had a sort of awkward cuteness going for it.

"So if they don't live very long, how long do I have to meet Icchan?"

Nakamura tripped on his own feet. Aiki lunged forward to catch him, and they ended up both on the floor, Aiki's right hip and knee stinging. Nakamura hadn't faceplanted into the linoleum, though, so mission accomplished.

Nakamura scrambled upright. "I'm sorry," he began, but Aiki waved him off, smiling through the pain because the poor guy didn't need to feel any worse, he was already obviously having a rough day.

"It's okay, I'm the one who jumped to the floor," Aiki said. He held out a hand. "Help me up?"

Nakamura's blush had been starting to fade, but it suddenly went nuclear, before he snapped his right hand out and hauled Aiki to his feet.

Nakamura was strong. Huh.

Aiki tested his knee and hip. It hurt, but there was no real damage. He pretended he didn't want to limp on the way back to the classroom.

Everybody was already done when they got in. Aiki went to gather his stuff, and when he was ready to go, he saw Nakamura fidgeting with his own bag.

Nakamura looked up, and Aiki realized he'd probably been staring. Oops. He flashed Nakamura a little smile and started out of the classroom.

"Probably about nine months," Nakamura blurted.

Aiki stopped short. "Huh?"

Nakamura was looking at the floor like it owed him money. "It's hard to tell how old an octopus is when you get it, but Icchan is probably on the younger side, so if you want to meet him, you've probably got about nine months."

Something in Aiki's guts wiggled happily at the not-quite invitation. "Yeah? Maybe I can come visit sometime. I'm, uh, I'm Hirose. You're... Nakamura, right?"

Nakamura nodded stiffly. "Nakamura Okuto," he squeaked.

But then, I guess that only explains part of it. After one real conversation, I decided I liked the guy. He was earnest, and he had this enthusiasm that was really cool, not cool like a badass movie star, but cool like someone I could enjoy hanging out with.

"Oh! Like the one found at school today!"

Nakamura turned another interesting color. Aiki tried not to wince visibly. The poor guy was clearly uncomfortable at being found in this section of the store. He'd obviously been having another rough day, what with the cockroach incident and that fall in the hallway that had to have hurt worse than he let on.

Well, honesty and reassurance had worked once already. Go for it, Hirose. If he's here on purpose, he'll know.

"Actually, I was kinda looking for volume one of that series," Aiki confessed. "The concept is kinda wild, but it looked like there was a lot of worldbuilding, so I got curious."

Magenta, Aiki was pretty sure that shade was called. Nakamura's eyes slowly, nervously tracked down to the table. Aiki looked.

It was the manga.

He looked up at Nakamura.

Oh.

Oh no.

Oh dear sweet fuck no.

"It was yours," Aiki whispered. "I'm so sorry, I didn't... Oh, and you probably don't want anyone to know, I mean, obviously you were embarrassed about it, I get it, but now you... can't... get it back... from Otogiri..."

Guilt welled up like a backed up toilet.

"I'll buy you a new one if you can help me find volume one."

Aiki had once heard a tourist use the phrase "deer in the headlights." He'd never even seen a deer in person, but he suddenly understood the concept perfectly. Nakamura looked like he was gonna friggin' die. Aiki picked up a copy from the table and handed it to Nakamura, who took it with a hand that moved like a manufacturing robot from a factory, one joint at a time. "And I promise I won't tell anyone."

The promise seemed to break the spell on Nakamura. He swallowed, and he pointed down one of the aisles. "It's this way."

Crimson, Aiki decided.

Nakamura led the way, nerves clearly still mostly in control of his body. He crouched at a lower shelf and pulled out the volume.

"How many are there?" Aiki asked.

"Five, but the mangaka says there'll be nine in the end." Nakamura handed him the book. "Volume three is my favorite."

"Yeah?" Aiki looked at the cover. He shrugged. He had extra money to blow today, he'd been saving up, and there was enough to cover maybe the whole series, plus replacing Nakamura's lost volume five, but... "Then grab numbers two and three for me while you're down there. I'll trust the expert."

Carmine.

Nakamura pulled out the two extra volumes and Aiki added them to his handful. "Come on," he said. "I'll buy these and give you the replacement."

Nakamura was a sort of dusty rose color through the whole purchase, which Aiki gallantly didn't laugh about. When he handed over the manga, the poor guy stood there like he was shellshocked. Aiki couldn't help still feeling kinda guilty, though. "You hungry? I can buy you something as a little extra apology."

Ooh, vermillion.

Aiki led the way to the nearest cheap café and relayed Nakamura's mumbled order to the server with a cheerful "Don't worry, he's just tired." he opened up the first volume to read the first couple of pages, and found himself laughing almost immediately.

When Nakamura gave him a questioning (mildly panicked) look, he popped his receipt in to mark the page and said "Makunouchi talks like a sexy food safety lecture. That's amazing!"

Their food arrived, and when his dish hit the table in front of him, Nakamura abruptly started laughing.

It was nice. He had a good laugh.

"He does! Every couple of scenes, he gives a tip about mold or bacteria or something. In fact, in chapter six, he-" Nakamura clapped his hands over his mouth. "Sorry. No spoilers."

Salmon pink.

"So how did you find this series, anyway?" Aiki asked after his first couple of bites.

Nakamura got really quiet for a minute. "I overheard a couple of girls talking about it."

Ruby.

"It sounded interesting."

Yeah. Interesting. There I was, at a café with a guy I barely knew, talking about a manga I didn't dare let anyone at school know I had bought. Life has a way of being interesting when you think it should be boring. People too, I guess. Okuto was a walking attack of bad luck, and he was kind, and he was catastrophically shy, and I was happily learning new shades of red from him. So yeah. Interesting.

Aiki very rapidly decided that no mouse in the world was cute enough to justify this. He'd seen a video online once about a kid who got locked in a shed over the weekend and died of heat stroke. That did not make being trapped in a stifling storage room any less nerve wracking. It already felt like an oven, and he was fighting panic.

Probably would be losing that fight, too, except Nakamura was there.

And Kawamura, but she was less reassuring.

The first half hour or so, they pushed down panic with conversation. The shine started to wear off of that around the fifteen minute mark, when the climbing temperature and dead silence from outside began to get hard to ignore.

Letting the silence inside made it worse, though. His skin crawled, like every drop of sweat was a fly inching down his face. The back of his shirt was soaked. Nakamura and Kawamura both looked better off, probably not coming to grips with newfound claustrophobia.

He really didn't want to have a screaming breakdown in Nakamura's arms.

So he suggested word games. Kawamura started them off, and then Nakamura went next, but if Aiki was going to be perfectly honest with himself, he was barely keeping it together, and he blurted out...

Okay, so what he thought he meant to say, when he actually did think about it afterwards, was "are you two crushing on each other?"

He was glad he didn't manage to say it correctly in the instant after his brain caught up to his stupid, stupid mouth. Both Nakamura and Kawamura looked like startled cats, denying having crushes like lying liars.

"Yeah, me either," he managed. Nakamura still looked very alarmed.

Cinnabar.

Aiki took a deep breath. "I'm kinda freaking out," he admitted. "It's way too hot, and I'm hungry, and I'm thirsty. This is scary."

The red drained slowly out of Nakamura's face. He looked around. He stood up. "Kawamura, help me move some stuff. I wanna see if we can open that window, but I need to climb up there."

"Oh, that's a good idea," Kawamura said.

Aiki started to get up, but Nakamura pressed a hand down on his shoulder, gentle but firm. "Stay there. We can do this."

Aiki felt his own face glowing like a streetlight. Blaze orange, he thought.

There were a few minutes of scraping and shuffling, and then Nakamura grunted as he started to climb stacked up equipment to a dingey, tiny window near the top of the back wall. Aiki turned to watch.

Nakamura wasn't graceful. He had more than proved that in class today. But he was strong, and determined. Sweat ran down his face and made the back of his shirt cling to him, highlighting the muscles of his back as he pulled himself up. His calves and thighs tightened up next as he scrambled up next to the window and fumbled with the latch.

"I got it!" he exclaimed, and he pulled it open.

About six inches. It stuck fast at that point, and the force of his next pull sent the whole precarious stack leaning dangerously to the side.

"Nakamura!" Aiki yelled, and he jumped to catch him while Kawamura yelped.

Nakamura landed on Aiki's left side, and they both went sprawling. Stepping boxes bounced off of the floor, and Nakamura gasped in pain. Aiki rolled out from under him and threw himself to his side, reaching out to check him for injuries.

There was a gash across Nakamura's forehead, bleeding freely. He groaned and opened his eyes, pale and dazed.

"Nakamura, oh man, say something," Aiki said, patting helplessly over his friend's body like he knew what a broken bone would feel like.

"Oh, Hirose, you don't have to be scared," Nakamura said in a dreamy voice. "I'll protect you."

Aiki froze. He felt a cold dash of fear. Nakamura sounded delirious.

Nakamura reached up and made a poorly-coordinated attempt to touch his face. Aiki caught his hand just as blood began running into Nakamura's left eye. Nakamura froze. He blinked. He brought his free hand to his eye.

Blood red.

He screamed.

Kawamura screamed.

Aiki stared at the flowing blood for a moment more, then he dropped Nakamura's hand and pulled his own shirt off. Only the front wasn't drenched with sweat, and he didn't want to get sweat in a gash like that. He pulled hard at the fabric until he managed to extract a long strip from the front of his shirt.

One strip wasn't going to do the job, so he made a few more tears, to make a pad of fabric he could hold to the wound with the long strip. He pressed the pad to Nakamura's forehead, and Nakamura quieted suddenly. Kawamura watched with wide eyes.

"Just... Just hold that there," Aiki breathed. Nakamura reached up to hold the fabric in place so Aiki could tie it onto him.

Blood didn't immediately seep through, so Aiki called it a minor win, but with a blow to the head that hard...

"You probably have a concussion. You can't fall asleep. Please, please don't pass out on us." Aiki tried to pretend he was only afraid of the confined space, and then he tried to pretend he was only afraid for Nakamura, and he and Kawamura talked incessantly.

Horribly, he found himself grateful for what Nakamura had done. It wasn't much, but a tiny breeze sometimes came from the cracked window as they kept Nakamura awake.

Aiki talked about octopuses, and animals, and mouses ("actually, Hirose, the plural is mice." "Oh, thanks, Nakamura. I feel kinda dumb now." "Don't worry, it's cute." "Okay, you definitely have a concussion"), and manga, and video games. Kawamura talked about sports, and rambled about things she admired about Nakamura, and also about manga, and about drawing.

She definitely had a crush on Nakamura, but Aiki didn't think Nakamura returned her feelings after all.

When Coach and Mister Otogiri finally opened up the storage room, it felt like days had passed.

Also, Coach added several new obscenities to Aiki's vocabulary when he saw Nakamura's blood-soaked bandage.

"Did you bandage that, Hirose?" Mister Otogiri asked.

Aiki nodded.

Mister Otogiri smiled. "Good job. That must have been scary. I'm going to call the hospital. You stay with him and help him stay awake."

"Still?" Nakamura complained. "I'm so tiiired."

"That's why you're staying awake," Aiki said.

The hospital sent an ambulance. Aiki called home to let his sister know he was going to ride with Nakamura to the hospital, and he and Mister Otogiri parted ways with Coach and Kawamura to follow Nakamura into the ambulance.

"This is a pretty good bandage, for a torn up gym shirt," the EMT said as they started moving. "Was that you, kid?"

"Yeah, Hirose is amazing," Nakamura said distantly. He looked over at Aiki.

Coral red.

The part that made me feel stupid only happened later. I think probably Coach Niou, Kawamura, and Mister Otogiri all figured it out before me. Probably the same day. I mean, the Storage Room Incident was kinda... Big.

Nakamura made an incredible noise.

Beet red.

He jumped up from his bed like a soldier snapping to attention. Aiki half expected him to salute. The stitches over his left eye looked a lot better on the other end of a night and day of rest. Kinda rogueish and cool, actually. "H-Hirose... What are you doing here?"

Aiki pulled his bag off his back to get out the papers he'd brought. He handed them over. "Mister Otogiri send me with these, I mean, I volunteered, because I wanted to make sure you were okay, after yesterday, I mean. HeyisthatIcchan?"

Nakamura jumped on the distraction like a pouncing cat. He went to the aquarium perched on his desk and crouched down. "Yeah, haha, this is my boy."

Pomegranate.

"He's cute," Aiki said. He leaned in to watch the octopus wave his little arms around.

"You think so? I mean, I know he's cute, but most people-"

"I thought you'd know by now that I'm not most people."

Cherry.

Nakamura kept his eyes on Icchan as his face crawled from there into the infrared. "Um. I think I might have said some... weird... stuff last night. I, uh, I mean, um, sorry."

Aiki stopped trying to pretend he was watching the octopus instead of Nakamura's reflection in the glass. "I don't mind. I was just glad you were talking."

"That nurse said you did a great job," Nakamura said. Aiki knew that already. The nurse had said it to him, after all. "I just... Thank you. I was trying to help you, and you ended up helping me. I felt kinda useless."

"You did help me."

Candy apple.

Maybe Aiki should have grabbed a snack on the way over.

"There wasn't a huge breeze, but having the window open helped a little, and I liked knowing that you cared enough to try, and I couldn't focus too much on how scared I was while I was helping you, so even getting hurt helped, kinda."

He and Nakamura stared at each other for a few moments, or possibly several hours. Then, both at once:

"I'm glad you're okay."

Aiki laughed, and Nakamura joined in after a moment. Aiki sat down on the floor. Nakamura's room was clean and neat, with a few little personal touches that were understated and very him, somehow. He sat, too. "Let's not do that again, though. Turns out I'm claustrophobic and I don't like seeing my friends get concussions."

Nakamura let out one sharp laugh and then turned serious. "I'm your friend?"

Aiki grinned. "Yeah, obviously, dude. You're, like, totally cool." His grin turned conspiratorial. "I bet Kawamura thinks so, too. You know she was crushing on you, right?"

Strawberry.

Maybe Aiki just wanted some fruit?

"Oh, uh... I mean, I should... I don't, I mean, about her, I mean," Nakamura trailed off.

"Yeah, you didn't seem interested. Not your type, huh?"

Nakamura nodded.

"So what is your type?"

The strawberry got riper.

Aiki spotted Nakamura's copies of Lovable Lunches on his desk and decided to tease. "Is it Taku? Or are you more of a Makunouchi guy?"

Nakamura looked like he was about to pass out.

Uh oh.

Damage control. Reassurance? A joke? Apologize?

"more of a taku guy," Nakamura said in a very, very small voice.

Oh, fuck.

He'd gone and teased his apparently gay friend about liking a bl manga. Aiki was, officially, an asshole.

"Oh. Well, that's cool, then. I guess that's why you weren't into Kawamura."

Nakamura stared at the floor. There were tears streaming down his face. Aiki squirmed in place, then rushed forward to hug him. Nakamura made another one of his squeaking sounds.

"I'm sorry, Nakamura. I didn't mean to be a jerk."

Nakamura mumbled something that was muffled by Aiki's shoulder, which he was possibly jamming Nakamura's face into in a remorseful death grip. He loosened his grip to let Nakamura adjust, and was rewarded with a somber "aren't you afraid I'll-"

"Okay, shut up," Aiki said. "No, I'm not afraid you'll... Anything. You're my friend. I'm your friend. I was already keeping a secret for you." He held Nakamura out by the shoulders so he could look him in the eye.

Tomato sauce.

"Listen. I wanna see you and hang out at school tomorrow, okay? I'm not gonna make fun of you or, like, tell anybody anything you don't want me to. And I'm getting your number. Go grab your phone. If you don't show up tomorrow, I'm calling you and yelling at you until you come. I don't want you to worry. Okay?"

And yeah, maybe not realizing makes me stupid. But maybe it could have been worse, too. At least I did figure it out eventually. Can you imagine if there had been endless, torturous years of dancing around it? Or if I'd screwed it up, broken everything hurt him and myself and probably a zillion other people just by being dumb?

"Um. No."

"What, c'mon, Hirose," Takeuchi whined.

Aiki shook his head. "No way, man." A part of him (a stupid part) wanted to say point blank exactly why the answer was no, but he chose to talk around it instead because he wasn't going to break a week of successfully keeping his promise just to blow Nakamura's cover trying to get Takeuchi to shut up. "Look, what if one of our classmates is gay? Would you want to explain to him why you thought this was a good idea? If you like Hamaoka that much, go talk to her, but I'm not flirting with you to make a girl like you."

Aiki didn't storm off, but there was definitely some stalking involved. He could hear Takeuchi calling him a chicken, but he ignored it. Normally, he might have gone along with it, but doing that... He didn't want to even think about having that conversation with Nakamura.

When he got to his desk, he sat down heavily, and pointedly ignored Takeuchi giving him a dirty look.

"What's his problem?" Oomori asked.

Aiki shook his head. "Nope. Not getting into it. You can ask him if you want, but don't help him out with his stupid scheme. It's a bad idea."

Oomori stood there for a bit, staring. "What is he up to that's so dumb he can't even get you to go along with it?"

Aiki sighed. "Like I said, I'm not getting into it."

But he looked back, almost involuntarily, at Nakamura.

Nakamura looked up at about the same moment.

Old rose.

Aiki smiled at him.

Yeah, he couldn't betray his friend's trust like that. And besides, he liked Nakamura better than Takeuchi.

Wait.

He liked Nakamura better than Takeuchi?

He hadn't even been aware that he liked his friends different amounts.

Did he like Oomori better than Takeuchi?
Okay, maybe a little, but he couldn't totally trust that, because he was kinda mad at Takeuchi.

But he definitely liked Nakamura more than Takeuchi. And if it was uncertain about Oomori, then that implied that he liked Nakamura more than he liked Oomori. Except that he'd only known Nakamura for a couple of weeks, and he'd known Oomori practically his whole life, so how could he like Nakamura more than him? Did he like Nakamura more than...

Oh, hell.

Nakamura returned his smile. Aiki waved.

Why did he wave? That was just awkward.

Eyes forward, Hirose. He turned to the front of the classroom when Nakamura returned the wave with a goofy smile.

Okay, okay, don't panic. He was definitely panicking. There's no reason to panic, nothing to panic about, what are you even thinking about panicking for, Hirose?

Yeah, he needed to listen to himself. No panicking. Everything is fine, you are a normal, non-freaking-out human being with a cool-as-a-cucumber attitude and a massive crush on your friend.

Oh. Okay, so that was quite possibly new information. A part of him wondered how long he'd had a crush. Another part of him...

Hmm...

Another part of him was screaming incoherently

He let his head slowly sink to his desk, and there it stayed except for the brief moments when Mister Otogiri prodded him to pay attention. By the end of the day, he'd apparently provoked enough worry for Mister Otogiri to ask him to stay late.

"What's up with you today?" he asked. "You're not usually off in the clouds like that. Is everything okay?"

Aiki looked around. Mister Otogiri had chosen an empty classroom to talk to him in, but he still felt the need to make sure there was nobody who might overhear. Not that he was sure what he was going to say until words started pouring out of him.

"I had a fight with my friend Takeuchi this morning and it made me realize that... Um... I mean... Didyoueverhaveacrushonaboy?"

Mister Otogiri raised an eyebrow. He was otherwise utterly unruffled. "Takeuchi?"

Aiki felt his face heating up. "No. Ew, no."

Mister Otogiri snorted. "Oh, good. It's unprofessional to tell a student he has bad taste in men. Look, Hirose, I don't think you need to hear about my personal life to know how you feel. You're a bright kid, and you're sensitive. I think you've probably got a lot to offer to this boy. Whoever he is. But you're still just a kid. I know everything feels like the most intense feelings you'll ever have right now, but you'll do a lot better if you breathe, and don't panic, and pay attention. If you and this boy end up dating, then good for you, but it's not the end of the world if you don't. There's plenty of fish in the sea, so don't get so stuck on this one that you start losing yourself. And try not to worry."

In my defense, I had never had a crush before. At all. I mean, I knew my guts felt like they were holding a go kart rally. I knew even short conversations with Nakamura felt like running a marathon. But I had literally zero context for any of how I felt. Suddenly, Nakamura's awkward smile and gloominess were a dazzling beacon and a brooding intensity, and I was horribly aware that I'd felt that way the whole time. It sucked.

Nakamura heaved into the toilet again. Aiki winced.

"Please let me die," Nakamura groaned.

Aiki had a sudden and very vivid vision of Nakamura's tombstone: Rest In Peace, Nakamura Okuto, puked his guts out at school.

Awkwardly (it was all awkward now), he reached out to rub Nakamura's back. "Get it all out. I'm right here."

Nakamura shuddered his way through the misery until he fell still, and then Aiki helped him up, helped him to wash his hands and face, and brought him to the nurse's office.

There wasn't anybody there. He led Nakamura to one of the beds. "I'll get you some water."

He didn't run away, but he didn't exactly feel brave filling up a paper cup at the sink. He grabbed another couple of empty cups in case Nakamura wanted to rinse his mouth out.

He did.

It really should've been gross, but apparently he was apocalyptically down bad, because he kept having to resist the urge to tenderly fix Nakamura's hair, or hold his hand, or press a little kiss to the top of his head, all of which would have been creepy and intrusive, and there was no way Nakamura wanted someone he barely knew deciding that the most awkward possible coming out was a reason to experiment, and he especially wouldn't want that while he was sick.

"Do you think you ate some bad fish or something?" he tried.

Nakamura shook his head.

Cardinal. Also chartreuse, around the eyes and lips.

Aiki needed to not look at Nakamura's lips too much.

"Protein powder," he admitted. "I think I used too much."

The image of a super buff Nakamura wormed into Aiki's head and stood there, flexing. It didn't feel right. Besides, "you're already really strong, though. What do you need protein powder for?"

Fire engine red. Still a little mint around the eyes.

"I'm strong?"

"Yeah, totally! What, are you trying to look like a bodybuilder?" When Nakamura looked determinedly at the ceiling, Aiki sighed. "I mean, it's not my business, but I think those big bodybuilder guys look kinda silly."

"You're right," Nakamura squawked, "I'll never take protein powder again!" His stomach gurgled unpleasantly. "Definitely never again," he added with a miserable groan.

Aiki looked down at the floor. If Nakamura looked now, he'd see Aiki's blush, and then it would all be over. "I'll let you get some rest," he said. "I'll just be on the other side of the curtain, okay?"

He stood up, and he went to the one little table in the room, and he tried to pretend he wasn't holding in an earth-shattering scream.

Nakamura was right there. In the storage room, he hadn't known how he felt (which was good because that would have been a disaster), but now... Taking care of him, seeing him sick and vulnerable, it felt intimate and domestic. Yeah he knew Nakamura was gay, but there was a difference between liking guys and liking him, specifically. He had to be... normal. Even if normal was hard. Even if it was impossible. It was a crush. Chances were, it would pass anyway. And if it didn't, he couldn't risk freaking out his extremely anxious friend and ruining a good friendship that it seemed like Nakamura really needed.

Nakamura didn't seem to have any close friends. He talked to Kawamura sometimes, but with her increasingly obvious crush, that didn't really count. It was just Aiki. Just Nakamura and Hirose. He couldn't break that for him.

Time dragged its feet. Nakamura breathed steadily, with no more gurgling or retching.

Don't be creepy.

Aiki stood up.

He paced.

He sat down.

He played on his phone.

He stood up.

Finally, temptation got the better of him. He drew the curtain around Nakamura's bed aside and looked in.

Asleep, Nakamura was...

He wasn't beautiful. He looked like an ordinary boy. His brow was a little furrowed, his bangs hanging off to the side. He frowned in his sleep, and Aiki could see him clenching his jaw just a little, so that the lines of his face weren't really softened. His breathing was slow and deep, moving his shoulders and stomach. One of his hands was on top of his stomach, and the other at his side.

"Huh. That's what I thought."

Aiki jumped so hard he almost hit the ceiling. Mister Otogiri didn't seem to have woken up Nakamura, so Aiki retreated to the table.

Carefully.

"I was just checking on him."

"Of course," Mister Otogiri said, and then he smiled slyly. "Even if you looked like you were checking on a batch of cookies." He shrugged. "I get it, though. He's got a kind of awkward charm."

"Can we please talk about literally anything else?"

Mister Otogiri laughed.

The messed up part is how much simpler I could have made things for myself if I'd been worse at hiding my feelings. But hiding my feelings has always been really easy. It comes naturally. How much different would it have been if I'd let him see the right sappy smile, or if I'd said something too tender and flirty? Like I said, some of it made me feel really stupid. But I guess love is like that, right? Like, every single rom-com is about people acting stupid because they're in love, right? Why not me?

"Yup. I thought I'd find you here."

Nakamura flinched as Aiki turned his novelty hat so the tag wasn't covering up his face anymore. He might have wanted to hide behind it, but Nakamura would probably think that was weird, and he already felt enough like a weirdo for following him in after balking at the price of admission.

Nakamura looked back at the octopus tank, and then back to Aiki.

"You really like octopuses, huh?"

Poppy red.

"Most people think that's weird," Nakamura said glumly.

"It's not, though," Aiki insisted. "It's just like liking dogs or cats." He tried for a joke. "Maybe a little wetter."

Nakamura stared at him, and then he laughed.

Aiki's heart crawled up out of his throat to flutter around the ceiling. For a moment, he indulged in an intense fantasy about Nakamura continuing to laugh for the rest of eternity. When Nakamura fell silent, he went fishing (ha) for something to get his voice out again. "Is it true they go into pots?"

Nakamura smiled in a special way when he talked about octopuses. It was like he stopped worrying so much for just a minute. Aiki didn't really absorb a word of what he said, but that didn't matter: it was amazing just to watch him being happy.

"Wow, you know so much. You're like a real life expert!"

Rufous red.

Nakamura laughed again, maybe a little nervously. Aiki stood up, mostly so Nakamura wouldn't see his blush, and went to go look at other fish. "You know, anyone who thinks you're weird for liking octopuses sounds like a jerk to me. You gotta be true to who you really are. Now c'mon, there's lots more fishes for us to see!"

He wandered over to another tank and looked inside at a bunch of garden eels. "They've got tons of 'em. Man, garden eels rock!" Nakamura stepped up next to him. Aiki was starting to ramble. He could feel his limited cool factor seeping away. "Oh, crabs! Did I ever tell you about how I love crabbies? They're on my top ten faves list!" Nakamura doesn't want to hear you rant about crabs, he told himself sternly.

And then he went and made it worse.

He managed to keep a relatively level head until they got done with the aquarium, at which point, his mouth started running again. It started innocently enough, talking about why he liked aquariums, and then he just couldn't make himself shut up, so he blabbed, "I was actually kinda relieved when Takeuchi ditched us."

Badmouthing his friend in front of his crush (his kind, sensitive crush) felt like a really bad idea, but the expected disappointment didn't come. Instead, Nakamura sounded confused. "Really? But it seems like you two are always together."

Good. A chance to backpedal, and maybe explain. And to hopefully not say anything stupid about having been excited to have time alone with Nakamura.

"We are. Don't get me wrong, it can be really fun, but if I'm around him too long, the vibes can get kinda off. He starts making dirty jokes or talking about..." Okay, not a safe subject. Pivot, Hirose, pivot! "And he always talks me into stuff. Like a couple of weeks ago..."

Aiki stared at the wall. Sometimes, you pivot right into a wall.

"What happened a couple of weeks ago?"

Maybe it was possible to spontaneously develop a fainting disorder. Maybe he could just pass out, and wake up in Nakamura's arms, and Nakamura would be looking at him with those tender eyes like that time in the hospital, but less cross-eyed, and he would call his name, all concerned, like...

"Hirose?"

Well, he'd rather Nakamura called him Aiki, if he was being honest.

"Hirose, are you okay?"

Aiki squeaked. He knew he did, and he wanted to maybe die a little bit. "I, um... I told him no. But he wanted-I shut him down really quick-he wanted me to act all flirty with him to impress Hamaoka. I told him, I mean, I didn't tell him anything, besides no, but I mentioned that that would be really mean if there was anyone in our class who was gay, but I didn't say I knew anyone who, I mean, you know, there's-"

"Hirose..."

He turned to look at Nakamura.

Burgundy.

"Th... Thank you. That would've been... You did the right thing. You're a very kind person."

Nakamura got up. Aiki stood, too. "Where do you want to go next?"

"Next?" Nakamura said. "You mean... We're not done?"

Yeah, like he was going to pass up a whole day alone with Nakamura.

The afternoon slipped by like a dream. A sometimes very awkward dream, but his moments of nerves and dreading certainty that Nakamura could see right through him were more than made up for by the happy swooping of his heart as it continued to flutter around overhead. Eventually, though, the light started to go golden and soft. He and Nakamura made their way to the shore.

"It's really pretty here," Aiki said. "But I'm kinda melting."

Nakamura laughed that beautiful laugh. "Yeah. You really don't like heat, do you?"

If Aiki's answering laugh was kinda nervous, it wasn't his fault. "Not even a little. Give me a snowstorm any day."

"Yeah? Are you a mountain guy or an ocean guy?"

He looked out over the harbor. "I think I have to say ocean. I mean, we're standing right in front of it."

Nakamura laughed again. Aiki considered getting a book of jokes somewhere. He turned to look at Nakamura as they talked. He was so, so completely screwed.

"Hey, Hirose!"

He jumped. When had Nakamura made eye contact with him? When had he gotten so close to Nakamura?

Aiki turned to look at Takeuchi.

"There you are! Come on, we're going to ride the ferry!" Takeuchi was standing with Hamaoka's group. He beckoned Aiki over.

Aiki turned back to Nakamura. He opened his mouth to say sorry, that he'd see him later, and then he snapped it shut. He sighed.

"You don't have to go," Nakamura said, barely above a whisper. "Be true to who you really are. It's. It's good advice."

Aiki turned around. "No thanks, Takeuchi!"

"What? But without you we're one person short for the discount!"

He felt bad. It wasn't just Takeuchi. He turned to Nakamura. "Do you wanna go on the ferry?"

Nakamura looked like he'd swallowed a live octopus. That seemed like a no. Aiki turned back around. "Sorry, Takeuchi!" He started towards a nice-looking garden. Nakamura followed him. He sat down, and Nakamura sat next to him.

"Thanks, Nakamura. I'm really glad you were with me back there."

Nakamura stood up, sudden and stiff. He reached into his pocket and produced a little envelope. "Here. I got you this," he said.

Aiki took it. "Can I open it?" Because of course, when someone hands you an envelope and says they got it for you, you're supposed to leave it closed.

Nakamura nodded, and Aiki opened up the envelope.

There was a little acrylic crab keychain inside.

Barn red. Scarlet. Imperial red.

"You said you liked crabs, so I thought you would like that."

"I love him! He's so cute!" Aiki looked up at Nakamura.

He felt his breath, too deep, his heartbeat like a jackhammer. The golden hour painted Nakamura in red and orange.

"Nakamura?" he said, so quiet it felt like he was whispering a prayer.

"Yeah?"

"You can, um... You can call me Aiki. If you want. I mean, we talk about a lot of... A lot of important things stuff, and I-"

"Okuto!" Nakamura blurted. "You can call me Okuto."

Aiki looked down at the crab again. He looked back up, and he nearly missed that Mister Otogiri was wandering around the garden. If he had missed it, he wasn't sure he wouldn't have embarrassed himself. He jumped up and ran to Mister Otogiri.

"Oh, hey, Hirose," Mister Otogiri said. "Spending some time with Nakamura, huh?"

Ugh. He was so smug. And cool. And his hair was so nice.

"Hey, Teach. Nakamura's been taking pictures all day, but there's not one of us together. Can you take one?"

Mister Otogiri smiled a little wider.

Okay, yeah, so you could also say, after a certain point, that I was just stupid. I will... I will graciously admit that it's possible. But it wasn't the only thing that got in my way. Like, this isn't just about me being stupid.

"But what would you do if they turned out to be bones from a real skeleton?" Okuto was definitely teasing now. It made for a wild, intoxicating mix of emotions, dominated by a familiar fluttery-heart feeling.

"Come on, don't say that," Aiki protested. "There's no way!"

Okuto grinned at him. He was obviously having fun. Aiki turned and headed right back out of the science room.

Once they were back in the hallway, Okuto stuck his hands in his pockets. "Did that really scare you?"

"I mean, aren't there things that scare the living daylights out of you?"

Okuto gave the tiniest shrug. "I dunno. I mean, I'm okay with haunted houses and stuff."

Aiki blinked. Great. He was brave, too. He was gonna just have to burst into flames. "That's so cool. You actually watch horror movies?"

"Is it really that weird to you? Are you saying you don't?"

It would have felt good to lie and have Okuto believe him, but he wasn't sure he'd be able to pull it off. He stepped a little closer. "Can't stand 'em," he confessed.

Okuto turned a look on him that felt vaguely familiar. "Don't worry. There's not really anything here."

It was the look he'd given the octopuses in the cooking class. Protective, a little affectionate. Indulgent.

Something rattled nearby. Aiki nearly jumped out of his skin. He caught Okuto's hand purely on instinct (okay, maybe just mostly on instinct) and whirled toward the source of the noise.

A window rattled in its frame. "Oh. It was just the wind."

Okuto squeezed his hand. "You really are jumpy, Aiki."

He knew for a fact that he was turning some truly fantastic color that Okuto would just have to name for himself. "Sorry." He probably would have shrieked like a baby if it would get Okuto to say his name like that again. They'd been using each other's given names once in a while since the class trip, but it still felt intimate and secret in the best way.

"Nothing to be sorry for," Okuto said. "I just didn't expect it."

Oh crap, he was gonna melt. Okuto was looking at him with a knowing smile, and his heart was, at this point, out the window and flying through the clouds. A crazy, stupid part of him wanted to... He backed away from the thought. Inappropriate, Hirose.

"Wow, good stuff!"

They both jumped. Aiki half expected Okuto to take a swing at the kneeling figure of Tamura, who was pointing a camera at a moment that Aiki very much did not want on camera, thank you.

"Tamura, what are you doing?" Okuto gasped. Aiki shuffled around behind him, still gripping his hand.

"Getting the shot. You two have something great going!"

"How long have you been here?" Aiki asked.

Tamura grinned. "Since the science room."

Oh, hell.

The footage in that camera was going to literally kill Aiki.

Fortunately, that was when the ghost (Mister Otogiri) showed up and confiscated Tamura's camera. Aiki had never been happier to be scolded.

Until he realized he was still holding Okuto's hand. Oomori had definitely noticed, but nobody said anything.

Once they were all out of the school, they headed off in little groups. Soon, it was just him, Okuto, and Oomori.

Eventually, they had to part ways, Okuto heading towards his home while Aiki and Oomori started off together in the opposite direction. Oomori was quiet in the darkness for about a quarter mile, and then:

"So when are you gonna tell him?"

Aiki chose not to think about the noise he made before he said "what are you talking about?"

"You know what I'm talking about. Nakamura. You're In love with him. I don't get it, but I can tell. You're just lucky he's oblivious." Oomori nudged him with his elbow. "I'm not gonna tell anybody, but you know, I'm not the only one wondering. You've been calling him 'Okuto' when you guys don't think anyone can hear you ever since the class trip, and you're always trying to make him laugh, or make him blush."

Maybe there was a manhole somewhere he could throw himself into. It had worked for Okuto that one time.

"Man, you got it bad," Oomori laughed. "You were just thinking about him again. I could tell 'cause you went all smiley."

"Dude, shut up," Aiki said, which wasn't a denial. "I'm... I'm not gonna tell him."

"Really?" Oomori shook his head. "Dude, he lets you call him Okuto. He obviously thinks you're pretty cool. Come on, go for it, Hirose. Even if he turns you down, at least you'll know."

And he wanted to. But...

Yeah. But.

Saho looked up from the table when he slipped into the apartment. She was still in her uniform from work, her hair tied back while she poked at her phone. "Hey, bro... Are you okay?"

He winced. "Don't worry about me. I just had a long day."

He hurried to his room: mattress on the floor, chair too small, folding table for a desk, stack of manga in the corner, the same six posters he'd had for two years.

But.

Okuto lived in a big, clean house in a nice part of town. He had a mom and a dad and a little sister and a pet octopus. He went to aquariums and bookstores and cafés and he bought trinkets for his friends. He was smart, and he talked like a sophisticated adult. He was handsome and strong.

Aiki was just... Hirose.

Small. Poor. Immature. Hardly any family.

He couldn't offer anything to Okuto.

I mean, do you know how miserable it is growing up poor? I always felt like I didn't deserve things. Couldn't afford anything really nice. Sure, little luxuries here and there, and my sister always made sure I had some spending money, but... Summers were the hardest. The apartment got so hot, and going out with my friends always meant spending money, and I just couldn't keep up.
​
Aiki was gonna die. He was gonna die happy, but he was gonna die.

First off, it had been Okuto's idea.

Second, Okuto had volunteered to pay for pretty much everything.

Third, and most importantly, Okuto looked incredible in a yukata. Aiki felt shabby and unremarkable next to him.

Okuto led the way into the festival grounds and looked around. The bright lights and distant music were almost overwhelming. He stuck close to Okuto's side. Aiki rarely got to attend festivals this size.

"So, where do you wanna go?" Okuto asked.

Aiki pushed down the urge to grab his hand. He wouldn't appreciate it.

"Let's see if they've got any fun games."

They did. He and Okuto both absolutely sucked at scooping goldfish out of a trough, which Okuto seemed weirdly disappointed by, and Okuto was awful at the dart throwing game, but Aiki managed to convince him to try the strength tester thingy, and Okuto earned a small prize from that (he chose a hat shaped like a crab, which he immediately popped onto Aiki's head. Aiki did not freak out, but only because Okuto immediately turned an interesting shade of jasper and started giggling), and Aiki did pretty well at target shooting with a water gun (he earned an octopus hat, which he had to reach up to put on Okuto's head. This did not help him to keep his composure).

Eventually, losing at festival games got a bit repetitive, so they got themselves some food. When Okuto went off to use the bathroom, Aiki browsed the stalls nearby.

One of them was selling keychains. He had a little money left over from the week, so he made a quick purchase and then nervously tucked it away before Okuto got out.

"Are you having fun," he asked when Okuto popped up again, still wearing his octopus hat.

Okuto nodded, little tiny tentacles bobbing around his face.

Venetian red.

"Shouldn't I be asking you that, though? I invited you."

"I guess so. And yeah, before you ask, I'm having tons of fun. I usually can't afford to go to a big festival like this."

Okuto bumped his shoulder. "Then I'm glad I invited you."

Holy shit, Aiki was in love. He was in love and he was gonna die.

"I promise I'll cover the next-"

"Don't worry about it," Okuto interrupted. "This is what friends are for, right? I just want to make sure you're happy."

Oh, he was happy. He was also going to explode.

But what can I say? All the people closest to me... I guess I see now that they knew me better than I knew myself. Isn't that just how being a teenager works? You don't know dick-all about yourself between the ages of twelve and twenty, but you're convinced everyone else knows all your deepest secrets and anxieties. Meanwhile, the people you think are judging you the harshest see your best self all the time. It's hell.

"I bet you'll have a lot in common," Aiki said. "Just sit tight."

It was maybe a little... Tricky.

The thing was, he didn't really know, but Kōsei was either unsubtle or secure enough not to care about having bit of a vibe. And he really was sure they'd have a lot in common. And he wanted Okuto to be happy. And he wanted Kōsei to be happy. So if he maybe... Conveniently had something to do, that was in furtherance of his friends' happiness.

Even if a complete success would make him miserable.

So, he talked business while he kept half an eye on the window. Kōsei handed Okuto something after a couple of minutes. When he looked next, Okuto was showing Kōsei a notebook. It was full of drawings, he thought.

Okuto could draw, apparently. Aiki wanted to scream a little. He had to be an idiot.

By the time he left the school again, sunset was approaching, and both of his friends had had a long time to talk.

To each other.

Without him.

Selflessness sucked so bad.

Okuto and Kōsei weren't exactly...

He hadn't expected to find them in a tender embrace or anything, but he'd expected chemistry, at least. Okuto deserved the best, and Kōsei was the best guy he knew (besides Okuto) (it was possible that Aiki had once nursed a small crush on Kōsei, now that he thought of it, but nothing like he felt about Okuto) (this was the most painful thing he had ever set out to do).

Instead of chemistry, though, there was a sort of gloomy tension between them. Physically, they were both sitting on the bike rack, but spiritually, they were practically crumpled up on the ground.

Yikes.

Conversation was stilted and curt all the way to Okuto's house. His momentary thought of telling Kōsei about Icchan was clearly a terrible idea, so he said goodbye to Kōsei and walked with Okuto up to the front door.

"I'm... Sorry. I thought you would get along with him."

"Matsamura is okay, I guess," Okuto said in a voice sticky with disliking.

Aiki sighed. "I was... I was actually kinda trying to set you up with him."

Carnelian. It looked like Okuto's head was gonna explode.

"You were..." Okuto shook his head, like he couldn't process the idea. He started to shade towards purple. Finally, he babbled out, "you really don't have to set me up with anyone."

Aiki felt his shoulders come up. He reached to scratch the back of his neck. "Sorry. I won't do it again."

Okuto waved his hands between them like he could wipe away the awkwardness. "It's not that I don't appreciate the thought! I'm just... I don't... I gotta go."

Okuto fled into his house.

Aiki forced himself to leave. He forced himself to go home, to go all the way to his room before he started crying.

Oomori says it was my self esteem. Saho says it was that I never feel anything halfway. I spent so goddamn long torturing myself. I loved him, and I wanted the best for him, and of course that couldn't be me. I kept trying to give him the best. Somewhere in there, I stopped trying to give him the best for him.

"Um... This is my place."

Aiki really didn't want to be showing Okuto, but Saho had insisted on inviting him after she saw them act together in Tamura's stupid friggin play.

Which, if he was going to be perfectly honest with himself, he had very much liked until his big sister invited the most beautiful boy in the world into their embarrassing, tiny apartment.

"Um, I'm sorry-"

"Nonsense," Saho interrupted before Okuto could get a word out. "You're absolutely welcome here. I mean, with how much Aiki talks about you, it almost feels like I've known you months, anyways."

Oh god, why?

"Saho!" Aiki started to escape towards his bedroom and froze in place when he realized that would mean Okuto would see it.

Okuto was looking around. Aiki could feel every water stain, every dirty dish left out, every ragged bit of furniture in need of replacing, every outdated appliance, every rusty hinge, all of them like needles in his skin.

"It's true, though. I'm glad to meet you, Nakamura-Kun."

Okuto stared at her for a moment. He looked a little shocked. "Uh. L-likewise. You have a nice little home. Is it just you two?"

"Uh huh," Saho said. "Our parents passed in a car accident seven years ago. I've raised Aiki ever since. And I'd say I've done a pretty damn good job!"

Okuto's jaw dropped a little. "I'm sorry to hear about your loss. I didn't know."

"Yeah, I try not to talk about it," Aiki ground out. "It bums people out." he glared at Saho. She smiled such a bland, innocent smile that he almost believed she didn't know what she was doing.

"I'm sorry, Aiki, I assumed you would have already told him. Well, why don't you two go and chat while I put together some snacks for us. I can't send you home hungry, Nakamura-Kun." She shooed them towards Aiki's room, practically shoved them through the door, really.

Aiki had been in Okuto's room maybe ten times, mostly to exchange mangas, and once to read the newest Lovable Lunches together. He hadn't gotten used to it. None of his wildest fantasies had involved Okuto coming to his room, though. No, that was mostly the nightmares.

"I'm so sorry," Okuto said as soon as the door was closed.

Okay. Pity wasn't the worst reaction. Aiki stared at the ground.

"I know you're... Pretty private. She just kept insisting. I didn't mean to intrude." He looked around. "I like your posters, though. You have good taste. And the folding table is a good idea! I bet you have lots of room when you need extra floor space. Last year, I had to do a science project and there was stuff all over my room because Jacques' table and my desk were too awkward. I ended up spilling acetone on the dining room table and my mom freaked out. Having a desk I could just fold up would've saved my butt."

"I know it's... A lot smaller than your house," Aiki muttered.

Okuto shrugged. "I know, but what's important is that it's yours. I bet your sister works really hard to keep it this nice, too."

"Nice?" It almost felt like he was being teased.

"Yeah. It can't be easy to keep up with without anybody but you two. I mean, you're always at school, and she must be busy, too, but you can tell how much she cares."

The tears started without the slightest permission. Aiki didn't even think before he buried his face in Okuto's chest. Okuto stood stock still for a moment before strong arms wrapped around Aiki's back.

"I didn't want you to see this," Aiki sobbed. "It's... It's..."

"It's fine," Okuto said. "You're... You're my friend. It doesn't matter if you're rich or poor. It matters if you're happy. Your happiness is, it's, it's important."

"But I'm not happy here," Aiki told Okuto's chest.

There was a long silence. "Then we don't have to be here. I'm serious. We can leave right now if you want. You don't have to force yourself to do anything you don't want to."

Aiki nearly asked to go with him to his house, to stay the night, and to hell with how selfish he knew he would feel, damn every consequence, he just wanted.

But there were plenty of reasons not to. The ways it felt like it would be a supreme fuckup with Okuto, of course, and how selfish he would feel, but Saho would be worried, and he couldn't just run away.

"I... Okuto, I live here. I can't just leave. Not... Not forever."

There was a knock on the door. Okuto went to the door and retrieved a plate of snacks with a quiet thanks to Saho. They ate in silence, sitting on the mattress. When the snacks were all gone, Okuto spoke up again at last.

"You know, Aiki, you can come over to my house if you ever need a break from here, but I'd be really happy if you were ever happy enough here to invite me. It's your home. That's special."

A part of Aiki, something between his soul and his head and his heart, wanted to grab Okuto and kiss him, to never, ever, ever let go. He rode the wave of desire until it crested and washed away. "Thank you, Okuto."

Okuto excused himself after a while, and when he left, Saho came into Aiki's room.

"I didn't mean to embarrass you," she said. "I just... Really wanted to meet him." She started to rub his shoulder, with soothing, apologetic squeezes. "For what it's worth, Aiki? I approve of this one. He's a good person."

I'd never felt more vulnerable, more exposed, than the first time he saw my home. Never since, either. Not once. I felt more dressed the night I lost my virginity. I felt more confident in the hospital with appendicitis. I felt safer in a shady back alley in Tokyo. He stood there with me in what must have been the worst moment of my life, and... I really should have just... gone for it.

It was Kawamura. Okuto looked about ready to dart for cover, but Aiki could see something he couldn't: a familiar sheet of paper. He pointed.

"Okuto, look. She's got a ticket. No point hiding, you'll be in line together." He forced himself to sound cheery and teasing instead of like he was dying inside when he added, "I'll bet she thinks you're having a meet-cute with her in line."

Oxblood. Beautiful.

Okuto sighed. "Aiki, you know I'm not... You're teasing me."

Aiki both allowed and forced himself to smile. He even managed to make it kind of a shit-eating grin. A little.

Kinda.

"Hirose? N-Nakamura?" Kawamura hurried over to them.

"Hi Kawamura," Okuto said. He looked like he was braced for laughter and teasing.

That wasn't what he got. Instead, she looked over them both and then said "Nakamura! You won a ticket, too? That's so cool! Did you get one, too, Hirose?"

Aiki shook his head. "I couldn't-"

"I offered him my ticket when he didn't win one, but he said no," Okuto interrupted, which was technically correct, but left out the fact that he hadn't been able to pay the entry fee.

Kawamura looked between them. "I didn't know you were a fan, Hirose. I mean, I've seen Nakamura reading it at school, but I always see you with martial arts manga."

"Yeah. I'm... I'm actually a pretty big fan."

Kawamura stared at him. She flushed a bit. "You two are friends. If you deliver these for me, and I get to keep the signed copy, I'll give you my ticket so you can go together." Kawamura held out a bag and an envelope with her ticket.

"What?" Aiki shook his head. "I can't!"

"I insist! It's better for two people who are friends to go together than two people who barely... who barely know each other."

A call for the signing to begin echoed through tinny speakers. Aiki pursed his lips.

"Really, I promise it's okay. You should go have fun, Hirose."

He reached out slowly and took the bag, envelope, and ticket. "I promise I'll make it up to you."

She nodded and pushed him and Okuto towards the stairs where a line was forming.

"Did... she really just do that?" Okuto said once they were in line.

Aiki nodded. "I didn't know she was that nice."

Okuto bumped his shoulder gently as they reached the bottom of the stairs. "Kawamura is a really kind person. Did you know she's a talented artist, too?"

Aiki grinned. "Yeah, actually. She helps out Tamura with her drawings sometimes."

Aiki did not mention the portrait of Okuto he had asked her to draw a couple of weeks ago.

It was not relevant.

Besides, he had better things to focus on, like being with Okuto.

I mean... What else is there to say? I was in love. Head over heels. I would have done anything for him. And somehow, I convinced myself that... Well, we all convince ourselves of something stupid once in a while, don't we?

Sakamoto-

Hana looked eager. She looked enamored. It made Hirose feel... wanted.

And it was a good idea. There was a brand new octopus pencil in his pocket. There was a keychain in its wrapper in his bag. He needed someone to think about other than Okuto.

He smiled at her. "Then do you wanna go on a date?"

She did.

It was good. They started to walk home together after committee meetings. Those were already the days he didn't walk home with Okuto. They went for walks together, and he took her to a café once.

He couldn't afford to really treat her much.

It all fell apart the day they got caught in the rain. It was a shower that kicked up out of nowhere after a meeting. He pulled his jacket off and held it up to at least keep some of the rain off of the (mostly off of her, he liked to think he was a gentleman).

He liked her. He wasn't sure if he felt the same for her that he did for Okuto, but... They laughed as they sprinted to his apartment. He wasn't In love with her, but he could fall for her if he wanted to. This happy, pretty girl, with her bright laugh and her love of life, could be...

She was enough.

"Shit, you're soaked," he laughed as he opened up the door.

It didn't occur to him what he was doing until she was already inside.

Hana looked around. "You're soaked, too, silly."

He set his soggy jacket down. "I think my sister is still at work. I'll get us towels."

Hirose ran to pull a couple of towels out of the cupboard in the bathroom. He and Hana both dried their hair and he went to go put on a dry shirt and pants and turn on the wall heater for her.

"Sorry," he said. "If Saho was a little smaller, I could lend you something of hers to wear, but she's too tall."

Hana shrugged. "I understand."

He tried not to look around. He could see the old, careworn markings of age on the kitchen faucet from the door. "Sorry about the... My place. It's kinda... crappy."

Hana shook her head. "That doesn't matter. It's not like I like you for your fancy house or anything. This is your home. What matters is if you're happy here."

She blushed a light, dusty pink.

He couldn't say it. He couldn't tell her the truth, and he couldn't make himself lie. He was alone in his apartment with his girlfriend, and he couldn't even convince himself to show her the rest of it. He couldn't, because suddenly he knew she would be just as kind about it as Okuto.

And that would kill him.

Sometimes, just sometimes, you make a terrible mistake, but you have the chance to fix it.

Aiki was tired. He'd been tired for a week.

Okuto came around the corner, and he pushed himself up from where he was leaning against the shelves. "Hey, Okuto."

Okuto stopped. For a moment, he was a photograph of himself, surprised, beautiful.

Red.

"You stayed late, too? Did you have something to do?" Okuto got out his street shoes.

"No. I mean... I mean kinda. I... Did you... Did you get chocolates from anyone today?"

Okuto made another one of his little noises. "No," he said hesitantly.

Aiki looked at his own little locker. just get it over with. Go for it Hirose.

"I... almost did." or talk around it, apparently. Okuto looked like he was having trouble swallowing the idea of almost getting chocolates.

"How... do you know that?" Okuto said slowly.

"Well, I assume. I... I was dating Hana-you know, Sakamoto? But I broke up with her last week. I... I didn't tell you." Aiki kept his eyes firmly on the ground. "If I hadn't done that, I guess she probably would have... You know... But I did. Because..."

He turned, reached into his locker, and drew out the chocolates that had been sitting in his bag all day. The octopus keychain was taped to the top of the box.

"Because I wanted to give you these, and to tell you that I really, really like you. A lot. I'm kinda crazy about you actually, and I wanted to ask you to be my boyfriend."

Okuto's face turned...

Aiki didn't bother naming the color. He just felt the moment, living in the pause for as long as he could, and then Okuto dropped his bag and closed the distance between them in three even steps. The chocolates and the keychain fell to the floor as all the space between them vanished in an instant. Okuto was kissing him, he was kissing Okuto, he and Okuto were kissing. They were still in the school building. A teacher or another student could show up at any moment. It was really very improper.

He didn't care. For all Aiki cared, a marching band could sweep them up and put them on a parade float in front of everyone. He would still keep kissing Okuto.

Sometimes you just get really, really stupid lucky.​