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I opened up my green eyes. I had woken up from that dream again. The dream where I dreamt of home, of Skalitz. But Skalitz was all gone now, nothing but ruins and ashes, burnt down by the cumans. I still remember my dad urging me to run and my brother dying in my arms. Every night I dreamt of it and I woke up feeling sad.
God, if only I could have them back. I would give anything.
The door flew open, startling me.
“Theresa! Get up you lazy bitch! There’s work to do!” my uncle Peshek yelled at me.
His mean eyes glared at me, the way they glared at everyone. I couldn’t believe we were related. He didn’t look like my father at all. My father had been a brave man, and he had taught me to be brave too. So I glared back at Peshek.
“I know there’s work to do, I do all of it!”
It was true. Peshek was really lazy. Usually he went into town to go to the tavern, while I hauled sacks of flour like there was no tomorrow.
Peshek lingered in the doorway for a moment, his lips opening and parting as if he was trying to think of something to say.
“Bitch”, he grunted, then slammed the door, probably heading off to the tavern again.
“How original”, I mumbled, rolling my eyes.
I stood up and stretched, feeling my back aching from my uncomfortable bed. Then I caught my own face in the mirror above it, sticking out my tongue at it. I didn’t care about my looks at all. I knew that I was nothing special. Brown hair that I tied up in a ponytail to get out of my face, a skinny body that had never turned any boy’s head. My father always told me I had my mother’s eyes; so unnaturally green that they had earned me the mean nickname cat-eyes when I was a child. And no one except my father had ever called me beautiful. Besides Henry, but we had known each other forever, it just didn’t count.
While I laced up my corset I wondered if he would stop by at the mill today.
The sun was a glowing orb in the blue sky when I stepped outside the door. I put my hands over my eyes to shade them and gazed up at the castle that loomed on the cliffs above the mill. I sometimes wondered what it would be like to live there. Every now and again I caught the glimpse of noble girls when I went into town to buy stuff for Peshek. They all wore silk gowns that showed off their ample bosoms, and their hair flowed freely down to their waist. Mud never seemed to stick to the hem of their dresses, and they moved gracefully like dancers, never having been weighed down by baskets full of groceries or sacks full of flour. I looked down at my own dress. It was brown, made out of roughspun fabric, always stained with flour and mud. Not that it bothered me. Those noble girls would probably have died if even a speck of mud came in contact with their delicate skin, but I wondered if maybe I knew something about life that they didn’t. I had always felt that all the suffering I had been put through would somehow be rewarded in the end. I had to believe that the world was a good place, even if it didn’t always seem like it.
“Tess!”
I pulled myself out of my thoughts and looked to where the voice was coming from.
“Henry!” I called out, walking towards him only to feel my feet slipping in the mud.
A strong arm grabbed me around the waist before I fell.
“Clumsy”, he grinned, his ocean-blue eyes glistening playfully.
God, those eyes.
It’s not like I was in love with Henry, but there was no doubt that he was very good-looking. I had known him all my life, and sometimes I still remembered him as that slightly pudgy, shy boy that I had grown up alongside with. But now I could feel the muscles of his broad shoulders under my hand, and see the traces of stubble on his square-jaw. The only boyish things left about him was his soft, full lips and the brown swoop of hair that hung down across his strong brow.
For a moment we looked at each other, then I loosened myself from his grip, shoving him playfully in the chest.
“Fuck you!” I exclaimed.
His grin became wider, almost wolfish. My stomach churned.
“That’s not how a lady ought to speak!” he chided.
“Lucky for you I’m not a lady then”, I grinned back, giving him a curtsy. “Did you bring the swords?”
He nodded, dropping the duffel bag he had been carrying on the ground and unzipping it to take out two wooden swords. It had been my idea to have him teach me swordfighting. Back in our village we had never needed such skills, but after the attack on Skalitz I never wanted to be unprepared again. Henry had always dreamt of being a knight, and trained to be a swordfighter even before he knew that he would need it. Even though he was only a blacksmith’s son he had honed his skills enough for the young Lord of Rattay to notice and take him under his wing. It had never made sense to me why he would do that, by all accounts he was a mean kind of guy, and no one seemed to like him much, but he had still made Henry his bodyguard. I wonder if he knew that Henry was passing down his skills to a random mill girl, but I suspected that if he did, he would have put an end to it.
We went behind the mill where the river glittered in the sun and the trees bent down to dip their branches in the current. It was my favorite place to be, and Henry’s too, whether we were practicing with our wooden swords or just sat and talked over a slice of bread and cheese.
“Alright, do you remember what we practiced last time?” Henry asked, throwing me one of the swords. I caught it, spinning it around my hand a couple of times before sinking into the correct stance.
“Lunges, of course”, I said.
“Show me then.”
He had barely finished the sentence before I was on him. He barely had time to parry, and a startled laugh flew out across his lips. It was a sound as beautiful as birdsong.
Despite my slight frame, my sudden onslaught managed to topple him over, and we ended up sprawling in the soft grass; me on top of him.
He blinked up at me, his unfairly long eyelashes fluttering. A breeze ruffled his hair, and his soft lips are slightly parted.
For some reason I couldn’t take my eyes off them.
His hand moved up to my face, brushing a strand of hair out of my face, tucking it gently behind my ear. I could feel my insides turning into liquid. His impossibly blue eyes flickered down to my lips, and lingered.
And then, oh god, his tongue darted out to wet his lips.
“Uhm”, he said. Then I felt his hands on my waist as he politely urged me to climb off him. For a moment we just sat in silence in the grass, listening to the river. Then Henry cleared his throat. “Actually, Theresa, I came to ask you something.”
“What?”, I said, my heart pounding.
To tell the truth I could barely hear him. Oh my god, I wanted to kiss him. Wait, no, of course I didn’t. It was Henry. Just Henry. Shy, kind Henry, my best friend.
“Well… Lord Capon is hosting a ball in a few days. He told me I had to bring a girl with me.”
I scoffed at the mention of Lord Capon. The less I heard about him the better. “He does like demanding random things from you, doesn’t he?”
“It’s not so strange to bring a pretty girl to a ball”, Henry protested.
I turned away my face so he wouldn't see me blush. “But why does he care if you do or not?”
“I don’t know, but will you come with me, Tess?”
I should have seen it coming of course, but for some reason I hadn’t connected that the girl he meant to ask was me. It was crazy to invite a mill girl to such a fancy event. I was certain Lord Capon wouldn’t approve.
Exactly. Lord Capon won’t approve.
I couldn’t help but smile at that thought. But it was still an insane idea.
“I don’t know…”, I said. “What would I even wear? I only have this dress.”
“I like that dress”, Henry softly said.
“It’s hardly appropriate for a ball at the castle though.”
“I suppose not... I could pay for it though, I have more than enough money.”
I felt the sting of jealousy. Lord Capon was very generous with giving out money to his servants, probably because they would turn against him and his outrageous demands otherwise. Still, it felt wrong to accept it.
“I don’t know, Henry…”
“You saved me in Skalitz”, he said, voice turned low and earnest. It sent a shiver down my spine. “I still owe you everything, and after this I’ll owe you even more. Please, Theresa?”
It was true. I had saved him in Skalitz, and I would do it again in a heartbeat. He had gone there to find his parents, and despite the fact that he had told me not to, I had followed him, because I couldn’t stand the thought of losing him too. I still remember the rain falling down and the sky grey as ash. A couple of bandits had overtaken Henry, and I still don’t know where I found the courage to do what I did, but before they could overtake him I had stepped out into the muddy street and yelled:
“Hey, goatfuckers!”
It was a highly creative and, most of all, effective insult. The bandits had all turned to look at me, and in the moment of confusion Henry had managed to overtake them, his sword swinging through the air like a silver arch. It had been strange to see him like that, so ferocious and angry. Maybe that’s when I started to see him just a little differently. Maybe that’s when he became something else than the shy boy I had grown up with.
He was angry at me afterwards, telling me that it hadn’t been safe for me to follow him, that I could have died.
“You could have died too! And what would I have left then?” I had yelled at him, tears of rage filling my eyes. It was like the anger ran off him when he saw me crying, and he held me in the rain. I felt… safe with him, in a way I had never felt with anyone.
“Fine”, I said, punching him lightly on the shoulder. “I’ll come with you to that fucking ball, alright?”
Henry grinned. “Awesome! Thank you!”
I picked up my wooden sword that had been discarded in the grass, and I raised my eyebrows at him.
“Another round?”, I asked.
He bowed his head. “As my lady commands.”
✦ . ⁺ . ✦ . ⁺ . ✦
We kept the swordfighting up until noon, then Henry took out some oranges and candied almonds he had stolen from the castle kitchens, while I fetched some bread and cheese that we could have for lunch. We sat side by side in the grass, talking and laughing as usual.
“I dreamt about Skalitz again”, I said when there was a lull in the conversation.
“I’m sorry”, he said, putting his big hand on my thin shoulder, stroking it with his thumb. His touch sent a jolt of electricity through my entire body.
“It’s alright, I just… I miss my family.”
“Me too”, Henry agreed. “And I miss… Bianca.”
Bianca. An involuntary wave of jealousy surged through me. Bianca had been the prettiest girl in our village, and her and Henry had been engaged to be married. The cumans had killed her, and Henry had been devastated. I had not been able to find that same sadness in me. It made me feel really guilty, because I knew that the world was unkind to women, and that we had to care for each other when no one else did. But Bianca had never extended that courtesy to me. In fact, she had often made me feel that I was worth nothing, just a plain girl that would never amount to anything. I didn’t have her raven black hair or piercing gaze, I didn’t have her silver-bell laughter or lips perpetually drawn into a seductive smirk. It was no wonder that she had turned the head of every boy in Skalitz, and it was no wonder that Henry still loved her. If he could, he would have taken her to that ball, and she would have whirled across the marble floors in Henry’s arms and it would have looked like she belonged there. Meanwhile I’m sure I would end up tripping over my own feet and making a fool of myself.
“I understand”, I said softly. And I did. After all, Henry used to have the most beautiful girl in the world, and now he only had me.
✦ . ⁺ . ✦ . ⁺ . ✦
The next day I snuck out of the mill and into town while Peshek slept off a hangover. In the town square I met my best friend Johanka, who had agreed to come shopping with me. Her long brown hair tumbled down to her shoulders, and she fixed her brown eyes on me as she smiled.
“I can’t believe you got invited to the ball!”, she exclaimed, hugging me. “Oh, I’m so jealous.”
“I would gladly let you go in my stead”, I laughed.
“Of course you would, but Henry wouldn’t”, Johanka winked.
“It’s not like that”, I protested. “We’re just friends.”
It felt like a lie. Lately things had been different, hadn’t they? But I didn’t want to think about that.
Johanka rolled her eyes, not so easily fooled. “Okay, and I’m the queen of Bohemia.”
“I don’t want to talk about it, alright?” I mumbled, embarrassed to feel my face growing red. I was 20 years old for fuck’s sake, far too old to be a blushing maiden. Though, admittedly, I was quite inexperienced in the romance department. I had only ever kissed one boy; I was 14 and it had been on a dare. But I still remembered that strange heat it had brought into my body, and yesterday I had felt it again with Henry.
How could it be possible, that all your life you looked at someone and they were nothing but a friend, then from one day to another you realised that there was a man standing in front of you?
Me and Johanka entered the dress shop, and the tailor greeted us pleasantly. I looked around the store, not even knowing where to begin. Most of the dresses looked quite expensive, and judging by the skeptical look the tailor gave us when we took too long to choose, he was thinking the same thing.
“Oh, what about this one?” Johanka said, pulling out a lovely blue dress embroidered with geometric patterns along the hem and the collar. It wasn’t anything special, but neither was I, and I wasn’t going to pretend to be either.
“Maybe”, I said, feeling the fabric between my fingers. It was soft and smooth. Silently I wondered what Henry would think about it, and if he would like the feeling of it against his hands when he had his hand on my waist as we whirled on the dance floor…
Stop. Thinking. About. His. Hands.
Just then the bell above the door jingled, as another customer entered the store. I had my back turned but Johanka gasped softly.
“Oh my fucking god”, she whispered excitedly. “It’s Lord Capon.”
I turned around, and there he was.
I had glimpsed him before of course. He was often frequenting the taverns around town, so it wasn’t unusual to see him riding through the streets on his black steed, his golden jacket shining in the sun. But it was entirely different seeing him up close. He was taller and more broad-shouldered than I thought. Though he was definitely slightly slimmer than Henry, I didn’t doubt that they were well-matched in strength. As he walked into the store he moved with the grace of a wildcat, and his pale hand casually rested on the pommel of the long sword that hung from his belt, apparently more than ready to whip it out at a moment’s notice. As was customary for the Lord of Rattay, he wore his golden jacket, and with the sunlight coming in from the window and catching in his blonde hair he gleamed brighter than the sun itself.
His impossibly bright blue eyes swept across the room and landed on the two of us.
He smiled. It was a dangerous smile.
Oh fuck. I thought, with a sinking feeling. He’s hot.