Archive of Our Own

"That's the fourth person in two weeks," Chimney comments as they look at the news on the screen. Another person found, but not fully themselves.

The news reporter on the screen begins to comment on the woman who was found condition, "Just like the last three this woman was found on the street in the early hours of the morning injured severely and once family came to visit she threw a fit, believing them to be the ones to have hurt her but with alibis it was once again proven not to be the family of the victim so it's believed that whoever is taking these people is doing something to make them believe there being hurt by there loved ones," the reporter explains.

"It's horrible, Athena's working the case and the victims seem deranged, scared their spouses and friends tried to kill them," Bobby tells them from where he's cutting peppers.

"Are there any leads?" Eddie asks but Bobby shakes his head.

"But the victims, they've got to know now that their families didn't do it right?" Buck questions as he grates some cheese, there making pasta but this whole story is making his stomach feel a bit on edge.

"They were told, shown the news report but not a lot is changing them, they're terrified, they've got therapists and the best psychologists working on them but there's some other factor into all of this they can't find, Athena thinks if she can find whoever is behind this she'll get the best answers from them," Bobby explains and before anything else can be asked the bell rings forcing them to abandon the cooking and the speculations to later.

***

Buck is going to do it. Nope, no he isn't, yes he is. No definitely a lot. His inner turmoil is running on hyper speed as he debates doing something incredibly stupid but incredibly important. Tell Eddie he likes him. It's been brewing in him for years and he needs to let it out, needs to be honest, and face rejection. So that is why he's driving towards Eddie's house, he knows Chris is away, it's just Eddie home, and Buck is going to tell him.

Or not. He keeps pulling over, debating then driving again. It's happened four times, he's only a ten minute drive from Eddie's and it's taking over half an hour. 

On the fifth time he gets out of the car when he pulls over and he's really terrified, this can't go right, it won't, when he gets there and tells Eddie, he will be hated, he'll ruin everything. What was he thinking? He could have lost Chris over this, he's pushed his feelings down for years, he can do it forever, he can, he will, he-

Something is jabbed into his neck, sharp and dangerous. It's a needle, there's arms around him, unwanted. He tries to put up a fight, to get his attacker off but he feels sluggish, his movements slow as the world tips on its axis and everything grows dark till there is nothing.

When he awakes he is alone and it's cold but he's no longer by his car he's in a pitch black room, a cold stone floor pressing against his left side. When he moves he can feel his arms and legs are bound by ropes.

"Hello?" He yells but he finds his throat dry, how long has it been? Why is he here again? It's all out of place. A loud screech fills the air and then a song begins to play, it's familiar like he knows the lyrics but he's too disorientated to place them, the song plays out until the end and then there is the sound of two finger clicks and then silence. Buck feels even worse than he did to begin with.

Then there are footsteps, loud and echoing, heels from the sound of it and then a voice so close to his ear he jumps, "Hello Evan," his sister's voice says. After the initial fright he relaxes, it's Maddie, she's here to rescue him, she has to be.

"Maddie, oh thank God, can out help me o-" he doesn't get to finish as a heeled shoe kicks into his ribs, hard and painful, he gasps out into the air and before he can even catch his breath there's another kick and another and another, they repeat and he squirms but he can't move far. Finally they stop, his ribs feel at least bruised, possibly broken and his shirt wet, where's Maddie? She was just here, he was sure of it. The light turns on and it's her, there in front of him.

"That's what you deserve Evan, after everything you've put me through, put my family through, you weren't meant to be here, Daniel was, he was my brother, not you, never you, it would have been better if you never existed," she hisses and then then her footsteps retreat leaving him alone, in pain and so utterly confused and betrayed he feel like he can't breath, that he shouldn't. The lights switch off.

It might have been minutes or hours even days he wouldn't know, he's managed to push himself to sit up even though it causes his ribs to scream at him in protest and he also wants nothing more than to give up because Maddie who is the person who has loved him all his life, doesn't. It had always been them against the world but it clearly hadn't, she had told him she had given him her car so he was away from the bad around them or maybe because he was the bad around her, a constant reminder of what he had lost and who was too brave. He wanted to give up but he couldn't, he still had family, the 118 still loved him, things could be funny with Chimney after all this but he still had to fight to get there, back to them.

"Ah look how pathetic he is," yells the familiar voice of Hen.

"Yeah even more than usual," comes a response from Chimney and then the lights come on and there on the other side of this bleak warehouse now coming towards him is Hen and Chim.

Hen is grinning and holding a metal pipe as Chimney walks beside her with a matching grin. Buck heart drops, something is wrong, something is terribly wrong. "Evan Buckley, the man, the myth, the nuisance, it was about time we dispose of our problems," Chimney says, crouching down to eye level.

Buck is terrified, what the hell is happening? Is this all a sick joke, a prank, it can't be, it's not cruel. Not them. Not Maddie. "Guys whatever I've done wrong I'll fix it, I'll change, please," he tells them, eyes flickering between the two, his words came out harshly, his throat raw, had he cried? When was the last time he drank? Everything is out of place, he's missing things.

"Where should we start, how about the lawsuit?" Hen says and then without warning she hits him hard down on the leg, the one that put them in that position, the leg that got trapped under the fire truck and caused him. A scream escapes him, unexpected and pained, he doesn't even register Hen passing the pipe to Chimney.

"Or how about when you hid where Maddie was from me?" Chimney says and he hits him in the face, just like when he was punched but now with a pipe. Hot searing pain slaps him on the face as blood begins to seep down him, from there he doesn't register much, just more hits and words and anger. They hate him. He doesn't even realise they left until the lights turn off. Time passes. The blood dries but the pain remains, so much pain, he can't move anymore, now curled on his side. He must have slept because he feels groggy, or maybe he hadn't.

They hate him, Hen, Chimney and Maddie hate him. He deserves it, he knows all the things he's been told are true and had always thought they'd hold a grudge for it, but not like this, this is rage and bitter and it makes Buck angry and broken, he trusted them, loved them, and this whole time this is what they thought of him, this is how they treated him so easily.

Ravi and May turn up next, they make his torment a game, they've got blades, throwing them at him from afar as they yell things, Ravi is angry as to how he was treated as a probie, tormented, May is angry at how he tried to waltz his way into there family when he isn't allowed, he isn't family, there's a reason for that, his own blood doesn't want him, why should they? There's a concerning amount of blood now, some caked on him all dry, some new and oozing, Buck's unsure what parts of him are unscathed, he doesn't care much, he's feeling numb and dehydrated, when his stomach protest for food he thinks good, but then he stops, he still has people waiting for him, he's not completely along.

"Look who it is, really always asking for attention aren't you," Bobby's voice calls and God know, not him too, he can't bare anyone else, he can't.

"Always wanting too much, how selfish can he be, " Athena says and then the lights are on and the pair he saw as parental figures walk close to him, his vision is fuzzy at first but he focuses on them, he notices a bat in Bobby's hand and sighs, closing his eyes. 

"Get on with it," he says and he hears them pause, the footsteps stop momentarily but then they start and he's hit again and again as they talk to him.

"You're not our kid, as much as you think you are, as you think you could be, you are nothing, less than dirt on my shoe," Athena hisses.

"You mean nothing to me, to the team your a burden, always the let down, disobeying orders and getting in the way, I should have gotten rid of you years ago but I didn't out of pity but now I realise you don't even deserve that," Bobby tells him as he's hit again and again and then soon it's over, it's all over and Buck is sure he's going to die, he wants to, there's not much to hang onto.

But then he thinks of Eddie. He was driving to his house, Eddie who despite all odds has always had his back when the time came for it. Buck loved him and he just knows there had to be something there too, something to stop Eddie from hurting him too, he's not sure he could bear that too.

"Evan!" a voice calls through the darkness, unbearably familiar he lets out a sob, no not him too, not Eddie, the light switches in and there he is. He comes over and unlike the other he gets close to Buck, very close. He pulls a pocket knife from his pocket and begins to cut the restraints from Buck's legs and then arms and a sense of relief floods through him, he sags in place. 

"Ed's" he mumbles, barely able to get the word out Eddie shushes him, pressing a finger to his lips and then he pulls his head into his lap. Buck can barely move and the action is comforting so he more than allows it as tears well in his eyes. "Ed's," he repeats and Eddie smiles at him before running a hand through Buck's hair and then down the side of his face and then his arm but there he stops at the exposed piece of skin and then he's holding it still.

"You're so gullible, so stupid, you really think I care don't you, I don't care, neither does Chris, you really believe that I could love you, no one can love you, something so horrid and pathetic, so disgusting, you're a freak," he hisses and then he's pressing the blade into Buck's skin, making slices across his arm until the word FREAK is carved into his skin, he doesn't move he can't, what does he have left.

"You're nothing Evan," Eddie says and then he's walking away and Buck doesn't remember much else, doesn't feel much else, just blood and pain, then wind.

It's windy, he opens his eyes and there's two ladies in front of him. He's on a pavement on some street.

"Megan it's the guy on this poster, the guy who went missing the other week it was all over the news, he's a firefighter," one of the ladies says from a couple paces away.

"Call the number on the poster, I'll call 9-1-1," Megan says.

He feels out of it but he's free, he's no longer in that room with people that hate him. There's a lot of pain and confusion but he's able to look up at the sky and see it instead of darkness.

"Hey Buck, your friend is on the way, it is Buck right?" says the lady who had been a bit further at first, now kneeling next to him. He nods.

"Candice do you think he's dying, that's a lot of blood, the lady on the phone is asking?" Megan asks.

"Maybe, I mean I can't tell if he's still bleeding, maybe you should use your sweater to soak up the blood," Candice suggested.

"This is literally vintage," Megan tells her, gesturing to the green and blue patterned jumper.

"He looks like he needs that ugly sweater more than you do," Candice says, earning her a shocked gasp but before Buck could entertain the fight anymore a loud screech of tires caught his attention and a car door slamming and in a matter of moments beside him is Eddie Diaz.

Suddenly adrenaline surges through him, he's here to finish the job, he has to be, he's up in an instant, staggering backwards, away from Eddie a few paces before he's crumbling again, his legs too beaten to bear his weight.

"No, no, go away, please go away, I'm sorry I'll go, I'll leave, don't kill me," Buck tells him, his voice raspy from dehydration and lack of use, Eddie stops and pales but doesn't move.

"I'm not here to hurt you Buck, I would never hurt you, I'm here to help, you're hurt and scared and your going to go to the hospital so you can get better, no one will ever hurt you again, I promise," Eddie says softly and then he crouches down to his level on the floor, still with the distant between him. "But whilst we wait for the ambulance can I check you over, you need to be treated as soon as possible Buck," Eddie says and his voice is soft, fake.

"Liar," Buck hisses, anger rising, he won't be gullible again, won't believe in Eddie's false kindness, no he will stay angry and he will fight. 

Eddie deflates, "Buck please, I won't hurt you," 

Buck doesn't answer, just shakily holds up the words etched into his arm, and tries to glare Eddie down, he manages to hold his ground for a few moments but soon enough it's too unbearable, he can't even look at the man he once loved.

"What the hell is going on?" Candice asked but before she can get any semblance of an answer sirens wail as an ambulance turns up beside Eddie's car and there out in an instant, three paramedics swarm Buck, checking his injuries and asking questions that he doesn't answer, he's glad to be separated from Eddie in this time, it allows tears to well in his eyes. Finally he's loaded onto a gurney and put into the ambulance, two paramedics get in as one heads to the driver's seat but then Eddie gets in and Buck struggles.

"Get him out! Get him out!" he tries to yell and the message is clear, Eddie has a pained look on his face but he leaves the ambulance. Good. Finally, Buck can breathe.

***

What the hell was that? Getting the call was the best news Eddie had received. It had been over a week since Buck's car had been found on the side of the road and so many rumours had circled, he had left town, been kidnapped, slept walked, anything could have occurred but there was no proof of anything in particular, no signs of struggle, no packed bags or messages it was so painfully unknown.

The team worked well to get word out, making posters, getting it to the press, Buck was going to get home to them one way or another. Maddie was distraught and Eddie felt the same. Buck wouldn't just leave like this, things had been good, really good, and he seemed happy, Eddie was sure he was, but was he not?

But that call and finding his best friend bloody, bruised and terrified on the side of the pavement was nothing he expected. Especially Buck being terrified of him, a part of Eddie's heart that had been fractured from Buck's disappearance had healed on finding him alive but then broken all over again at the terror on his face.

He began making calls as he tailed the ambulance to the hospital, luckily Maddie had been the dispatcher on call and had already relayed the information to Chimney of Buck's reappearance but she didn't know the full extent of his state, neither did Eddie but his emotional state was not something Eddie wanted to explain over call. Eddie contacted Bobby and Ravi and Hen had already been called by Chimney and everyone was heading to the hospital, ready to be with Buck as soon as possible, but a horrible thought had crossed Eddie's mind about Buck's behaviour and he just prayed he was wrong.

By the time he had managed to park the ambulance was empty and upon reaching the desk he learned Buck was being seen by doctors. Eddie yearned to be by his side but he knew there were so many reasons he couldn't.

He filled out forms about Buck while he waited, he and Bobby were listed as emergency contacts so he at least knew that if anything happened he would be notified. Not long after he finished the form did Maddie and Bobby turn up.

"How is he?" Maddie asked, still dressed in her dispatch uniform.

"I don't know he was really bloodied up and he wouldn't let me touch him, he-" Eddie stopped himself for a moment, swallowing. "I think he thinks I hurt him," Eddie says.

"What?" Bobby blurts but before Eddie can explain a doctor comes through the doors.

"Family of Evan Buckley," she says and the three turn to her and she takes that as a hint and makes a beeline towards them. "Hello I'm Doctor Davis, what is your relation to Mr Buckley," she asks.

"I'm his sister Maddie Han and these are his emergency contacts, Robert Nash and Edmundo Diaz," Maddie explains and the woman looks at the clipboard in her hand and nods.

"Alright, follow me so we can discuss his condition more privately," she says and they do, following her from the waiting room into an empty office.

"Mr Buckley has several broken ribs, his right arm is broken, his left leg fractured and he's got a grade three concussion, there is also several lacerations across him, I've had his arm reset and put in a sling and his leg is currently being casted, he's very dehydrated and underfed so we've got some IV's but he's expected to make a full recovery on the injury front," she explains to her and that is a relief but there's a look on her face there's more.

"What is it?" Eddie asks.

"We've contacted the police after Mr Buckley claimed the injuries were given to him by his coworkers and family, they were able to rule out anyone working on his firefighter team given your schedules and you too Mrs Han given you being the dispatcher on call for a start, I can't say much but Sargent Grant will be here soon to explain the situation," Doctor Davis explains.

Everything stills, "He was kidnapped like those other four people wasn't he? Forced to believe his family hurt him?" Bobby says, his voice wavering.

"I can't disclose anything, it's Sargent Grant's duty to give or detain information," she begins to tell them.

"Athena Grant is my wife, whatever she knows I will know soon enough and so will they so you can tell us now," Bobby practically commands, it's in his captain voice.

"He's showing the same symptoms, agitation, confusion, he does have reconciliation of what was happening before he was taken but whilst taken all he remembers is violence nothing else not if he slept, ate or drank even though he must have a bit to have kept him alive this long, he's refused to see anyone, says he'll leave if he does, it's too early to do so but as soon as possible he'll be assigned a psychiatrist team and therapists to help him understand the situation but from what we know so far there's been no clear way to get through to the victims, " she explains.

There's a knock on the door and then it's opening, Athena walking in, her face is neutral, she stands on business only.

"Doctor Davis, I'm Sargent Grant," she says, extending her hand.

"Ah yes I've already heard about you," she responds, gesturing to the trio. "Could you follow me to Mr Buckley whilst you three stay here," she says and they all nod.

It's a solid minute before Athena returns to the room alone, a look of terror that none of them had ever seen her wear on her face.

"I've never seen him so manic, they had to sedate him, he looked terrified of me," she explains. "He's a victim of the kidnapping I'm investigating but I'll have to hand the case over given the circumstances," she explains, she still stays quite neutral but all of them can see under her professional attitude.

"So what are we meant to do?" Maddie asks and Eddie feels fear rise in him just by seeing Athena grimace.

"All the victims have been separated from their families for the time being given how it's mentally and physically affecting both sides, he will know we didn't do it, he will be told but even then it's not as easy as believing and being told, to them it happened, what needs to be done is catching the offenders and finding out how they did what they have," she explains.

"So what do you expect us to just abandon him, did you even see him Athena he looked half dead when I found him," Eddie blurts, he knows he's an angry man, he knows that anger is showing now, red hot fury seeping through him.

Athena sighs, "I saw him, not in his worst state but I saw him too and I do not expect you to leave him alone but he needs you to do so, the more you push the more you danger him, Buck needs time and space and if we love him we must do that," she tells him.

Eddie does love him. More than anyone knows and that's what makes it that much harder to just let him go. He nods.

***

He's got a pen and paper in front of him with a solid five names written on it. Christopher, Karen, Mara, Denny, & Jee-Yun. It's a big debate to write Karen and her kids and he even thinks about writing Taylor but he's not ready to burden her.

He was told to write down names of people he trusted. Whilst Karen is married to Hen she wasn't there, he had to believe she was still good, Christopher couldn't hurt him, nor his niece and in the end if he could trust Karen he could definitely trust her kids.

But that was the thing with all these names, they all had ties to the ones who hurt him, the chances of their kids being allowed around him was very unlikely and he explained it to the man who asked him to write the names but all he got in response was a weird look.

It had been over a week in the hospital, he hadn't lashed out as badly as when Athena came in where he almost managed to climb out the window on the third floor but a lot of unfamiliar faces spoke with him, officers, a few psychiatrists and doctors, when they tried to speak about the people who hurt him he wouldn't speak, it was still to raw, he wanted away from them, to rid them from his mind.

His injuries were for once not his biggest worry. Usually when Buck ended up in hospital he wanted to rush the recovery process and get back to work but now going to work seems like a threat. He thought at first once he gave his statement they would be arrested, it seemed right but he was just told that nothing would be going forward and he had been to tired to fight it, just confused and so damn tired. He couldn't even imagine himself in a court room with them so maybe leaving it for now was the best answer whilst he recovered.

It was late one Tuesday afternoon when his door was knocked on and in walked the familiar face of Karen Wilson.

The air stilled but she then smiled and stood by the door, "Hey Buck, can I come in," she asked and it was the first bit of pure compassion he had received since waking up here so he nodded and she came in, shutting the door and finding a seat close to his bed.

"How are you feeling?" She asked.

"I don't know," he mumbled. "My life has been turned upside down and I'm stuck in the room unable to escape it," he explains.

"I know it seems that way right now but things will get better, I promise," she says and she lays a hand on his wrist, it's comforting but she's got a look on her face, the same one all his doctors and specialists have worn.

"How can you say that, do you even know what they did to me, what your wife did to me?" He asks, he doesn't mean it in anger, he is angry but also frightened, he wants to trust Karen but given how close she is to Hen it's not that easy to trust.

"Buck, do you remember those people in the news who were kidnapped and made to believe their families hurt them," she explains and he nods remembering reading about it. He nods. "Honey, that's what happened to you," she says softly.

He pulls his arm from her hand, "You're lying, you're trying to trick me, or they've tricked you, I saw Karen, saw their faces and they told me things only they would know," he retorts, the beeping of his heart monitor rapidly increasing.

"No one else knew Howard punched me, just me, Edmundo and Howard, but in the warehouse they knew too, Howard told me, so how does that work?" he continues.

"I- I don't know how they would know that but they did, something unexplainable happened but it wasn't them, there your family and there all worried sick," she responds but she's looking wary, eyes flickering to the increasing volume of the machines he's hooked up to.

"Christopher is here," she blurts and at that he calms a bit. "He's in the waiting room, he wants to see you, I can come get him and we don't have to talk about this at all, you can just talk with Chris, how does that sound?" She asks.

"Good, that sounds good," he responds softly and she nods, getting up from the chair exiting the room.

***

When Karen walks into the waiting room she looks dazed, Eddie stands up and walks over to her quickly.

"Is he okay?" was the first thing coming out of his mouth. Whilst the doctors kept them in the loop just having some honesty from someone who actually knows Buck was needed.

She sighs and then speaks, "He's not himself, he looks like he's healing alright but he got wound up really easily, I tried to tell him it wasn't real and he remembered the news but he didn't believe me," Karen explains. "The only thing that calmed him down was telling him Chris was here," she tells him and glances at the boy sitting in the chair looking over at them. "I think seeing him will definitely help," 

So that's how Eddie lets his son walk with Karen towards the room where Buck was staying. It was really hard trying to explain to him how Buck wasn't wanting to see a lot of people without saying the reason why.

He knew Athena was working endlessly on this case and he believed she could get the culprits but this waiting game would surely be the end of Eddie, he was sure of it.

***

Buck spent over an hour talking with Chris about his school projects, crappy hospital food, the latest gossip with his cousins and so much more. He really tried not to wince when Eddie was mentioned, he knew better than to upset Christopher by accusing his dad. Even though he was a bad man Eddie was still Chris' dad and he was surprised Chris was even here given that.

After the hour passed they had to separate as nurses came in to check his vitals, Chris made him promise that they'd see each other again soon and he just hoped they were able to keep that promise.

By the end of that week he was discharged with a bag full of painkillers and four appointments per week with different specialists. He was given a lift home by an officer and then left for his apartment. It was so quiet. He had become used to the hustle and bustle of the hospital to keep his thoughts at bay but here it was too quiet. He used to just go to Eddie's if the silence of his apartment became too much but that wasn't an option anymore.

He slept a lot over the next few weeks when he wasn't at appointments, Karen came over every so often accompanied with Mara and Denny and occasionally Chris and even once with Jee-Yun.

It was nice hanging out with the kids but still there was a reminder in his head of whose these kids are, their parents hurt him, tried to kill him and now they were here.

Two months into the sessions with psychiatrists and therapists did Buck finally believe them. It wasn't his friends and family that hurt him, but still in his head they were. Its what plagued his nightmares and all he thought about. 

"You could try seeing them, on your terms at least, some of the other victims have found themselves able to see family and friends," his therapist tells him.

"But what if I don't want to?" He asks. It's true he doesn't, he's trying to start a new life without them, began volunteering at a charity organisation and looking for a new job, he can't be a firefighter it reminds him too much of them.

"Try, if not for you then for them, your family will be missing you," the man responds and so Buck nods and that's how he finds himself walking with Karen towards her front door.

He thought it was best to no to overwhelm himself. Maddie and Chimney were too much to face at once, in the same way seeing Bobby and Athena would be hard and then seeing Eddie was always an option with Chris there but facing him seemed terrifying in it's own way. So facing Hen with Karen seemed like the best option.

When he came in it was quiet, the kids were at school so that if anything went sideways they wouldn't have to be witness but Buck had promised he would be good and Karen in return had promised that if he needed or wanted to leave at any point he was able to do so.

Hen was sitting on the couch when they got in and she didn't move. It was terrifying seeing her. Suddenly he was back in that place, Hen and Chimney there, hitting him with a pipe again and again. He felt like he was struggling to breathe, that was until he saw Hen's face contort, she looked as terrified as him, like she wanted to reach out but knew better. Whoever that was in the room wasn't Hen, this is Hen, but yet he's still terrified.

"I- you- Hi Henrietta!" He finally blurts. 

"Hey Buck," she says softly and he knows that tone of voice, hearing Hen use it a thousand times on scared victims. That's what Buck was now, a victim.

"It's good to see you," Hen tells him.

"Yeah, it's- it's um," he fumbles with his words, he's always been used to his brain being able to respond to anything, but now he can't think of any right words.

"It's alright, I know this is hard for you, you don't have to say anything you don't mean, it really means a lot just getting to see you," she tells him.

He's there for twenty minutes in total, the hardest twenty minutes he's had in a long time. He found making sure he was always high up in comparison to Hen really helped, he felt like a cat trying to assert himself with power, looking down. They spoke a bit, Hen asked how he was and what he had been up to and he managed to tell her a bit about the volunteering and the doctors but not much more before he felt he needed to leave.

Karen walked him out, "You did great, Buck, I'm proud," she said, laying a comforting hand on his arm.

"All my instincts were telling me to get out, that I wasn't safe, I've never felt like that around Hen, I shouldn't feel like that because I know that wasn't her in that room now but I do and I don't think it'll go away," Buck tells her.

"Well either way we're happy you tried, just trying is one of the strongest things you can do," she explains to him and he nods in response.

Two weeks later he's at Maddie and Chimney's house. All planned in advance by Karen, Jee-Yun is with the Lee's so unfortunately he doesn't have anyone this time to hide behind him, it'll just be him and them. Two on one. His sister and brother in law. He's terrified. He stands outside the door for almost twenty minutes before finally knocking. It's only a couple seconds before the door is swung open and there is Maddie.

"Hey Buck," she says softly.

"Hi," he practically squeaks, his heart beating like a drum. His sister looks different from when he last saw her, she looks tired and her hair is longer but it's her alright and yet he's still scared.

"Come on in," she said with a warm smile and she heads inside and he follows her a few seconds later till there in the living room and there is Chimney.

It's awkward conversation for a while, how are you and what's been going on, but the casual talking points keep him calm, they mean he doesn't need to put his guard down at all.

The same situation repeats with Bobby and Athena then May and Ravi, it's an awkward conversation ended by Buck abruptly leaving because he got too uncomfortable. He was happy he had faced them and had given them an opportunity to see them but to him it felt like a closure and goodbye. Perhaps it was, because facing them again felt too hard.

"These people, they stalked their victims for years, found out everything about them to perfect the crime, made it as real as possible. It was sadistic and yet it worked perfectly," Athena explains to him on his visit. They'd been uncovering more and more information but no one had been caught yet, she was the secondary on the case now but still working twice as hard to help him, for that he was grateful but wasn't able to express it well.

He doesn't plan his visit to Eddie exactly, he had Karen tell him when everyone was free beforehand so they all expected to have a visit from him but he usually planned it out in advance. With Eddie he can't plan it. There was something different about Eddie's encounter with him in the warehouse, the way he was so gentle and considerate and then he carved that word into his arm, the word he could still see by looking at the skin. He was scared that if he over-thought seeing Eddie he would never even do it, and well that's how he got into this situation, over thinking just seeing Eddie. 

He avoided him to say the least, weeks after seeing the others he still hadn't even decided on a date to see him and that must have been the thing that drove Eddie to make this choice.

Buck had just finished a call with a job interviewer when the door knocked, it was odd as it was midday. Karen usually called before showing up and only on rare occasion showed up announced, other than that there hadn't been that many others, his parents had visited for a few days until his mother just told him to grow up and see his sister, he asked them to leave after that and then other then them it was neighbours. They hadn't interacted much before this but they had all seen his face on the news and then saw how he wouldn't have friends over like he once did. The elderly lady a couple doors down invited him for coffee every so often and the two guys across from him had invited him to the bar a few times. It was nice but wasn't the same. It could never be the same. But either way the likelihood of it being any of them was still small as he had seen all three recently.

He walked to his door and opened it, readying himself for a possible suprise and indeed he was surprised because right in front of him was Eddie Diaz. So Buck did the only rational thing he could think of, he screamed and slammed the door.

Quickly he skidded back, whacking into the kitchen island as hurried breaths ran through him.

"Buck, I'm sorry!" Yelled Eddie above the rush of blood in his ears. "I shouldn't have shown up unannounced, I shouldn't have shown up at all, I just wanted to see you, I'm sorry, I'll leave just once you tell me you're okay," he tells him.

His mind is a whirlwind, he wasn't prepared, he could have never been prepared for Eddie, the terror is unlike any other but so is the want, he doesn't want Eddie to leave, it's odd, with the door closed he knows Eddie is on the other side but he can't see him, isn't having to completely face him.

After calming himself he finally calls out, "I'm okay," 

"Good, I'm sorry Buck, it won't happen again, goodbye," he responds.

"Come in!" Buck yells before he can think it through.

"What?" Eddie yells back.

Buck moves backwards, further from the door.

"You can come in, Edmundo," he says. That's an issue he's faced himself with, calling everyone by their full names, the nicknames feel out of place.

There's a breath pause before the handle is turning and the door is gently pushed open revealing Eddie. Now that Buck can properly see him there's instantly evidence of some changes with him, he looks tired, perhaps a bit thinner even, he doesn't look as full of life as he once was, things have shifted.

"I'm sorry I showed up unannounced," Eddie repeats now to his face.

"I'm sorry I avoided you," Buck admits. 

"It's okay, you have nothing to apologise for, ever," Eddie tells him as he shifts awkwardly in the doorframe.

"It's not your fault I'm all schizo now though, you shouldn't have to be treated different because of how I think things went down, it wasn't real so what happened wasn't on you, you don't need to apologise at all, I shouldn't apologise," Buck blurts and this, this is different. It's not awkward, it's scary and honest and that's honestly how it's always been with Eddie but now it's heightened, it's been months and yet there is still some semblance of the same. "Come sit down," he says trying to put some light on his blurt and Eddie follows orders walking in. This is when Buck knows a mistake has been made because he freezes up for a seconds before moving a bit so he's out the way so that Eddie can come sit on one side of the kitchen island as he stands across on the other side.

"I've missed you, it's not the same at work or at home," Eddie tells him and this is definitely different because everyone else tried not to talk about the impact of his absence but Eddie is being honest. "It's been pretty horrible not knowing how you are or what you're going through, Karen's been good with keeping me updated and Chris tells me about all his visits but not seeing you myself it was harsh, " the brunette explains to him.

"I don't try to be cruel, I'm really not, I know it wasn't real, but when I look at you, at any of them I'm back at that place, I feel like I'm going to get attacked or killed despite knowing the truth, they've messed with my mind somehow, it just felt so real," Buck tells him. Being honest has always been one of the easiest things he could do with Eddie but even now he feels some restraint within himself.

"You doing far more then expected Buck, we're being selfish, he'll I'm probably being it the most being here, you need space and I show up, it's just so sudden, losing you, I never thought it would happen and then it just did and the last time I saw you where you were bloodied up and horrified by me, that couldn't been the last memory I had of you, it just couldn't be," Eddie tells him.

They talk for half an hour before Eddie himself leaves and it was so different compared to the others, whilst yes he was just as jumpy maybe even more so, it was natural, it was just him and Eddie, but yet again it felt like closure.

He gets a call the day later, he's hired. The job interview was for a teaching assistant job in Nevada. It's a change, it's a different state even but he can't stay stuck here, walking cautiously scared he's going to bump into his family. Being a firefighter is too much of a harsh reminder for them, this job is a change, a new home, new job, new Buck. What is this like Buck 6.0? He's not sure.

He packs up everything within two days and says goodbyes, for his family he writes letters and gives them to Karen the day he's leaving, not enough time for things to change but enough time for them to know and for them to understand, she hugs him tight, tells him he'll always have a place with them no matter how he feels and he hugs her tighter thanking her for everything.

Buck chooses not to face Chris, he's sure if he has to tell the boy he'll never leave and that'll be selfish, he can see how hard it is for the boy, having to only see Buck without his father, working on weird schedules to do so. Buck will always love this kid but he can't keep hurting him to do so.

It's late in the evening when he finally finished loading his jeep and sets off into the night. Los Angeles was meant to be his new home but yet again he's on the road, still as lost as he was when he had first got into the jeep, maybe he can never have a true home, a nomad so to say, that sounded right.

He's almost at state lines when a taxi car skids in front of him and stops and out steps one angry looking Eddie Diaz who stomps out of the taxi seems to have a short conversation with the driver who looks annoyed to then drives off, and then he stomps over to the jeeps and knocks on the window which Buck rolls down, shocked with his heart beating loud in his chest.

"You left,"

"I had too,"

"You didn't even say goodbye," Eddie says softly, the anger seeming to slowly rinse out of him.

"I couldn't," Buck returns. "It's in the letters I gave to Karen," he explains.

"I don't want to read some letter like you've died Buck, I want to hear it from you, you're still here, your family is here, " Eddie tells him.

"I think the Buck you know left a long time ago," he tells him. "And I'm sorry for that," Buck says. "But you need to call that driver back and head home Edmundo,"

"I left my phone at home," Eddie tells him.

"How are you getting back then?" Buck questions, fingers flexing around the wheel.

"I didn't think that far," is his response.

Buck sighs, he can't just leave him here, hell last time Buck got out of a car really didn't end well so he wasn't going to leave him, "Jesus just get in I'll give you a lift, then I'm going okay, in the back, wait no passenger," he decides. First he wanted Eddie as far as possible but then he was sure he would constantly be checking the rear view mirror so beside him was better. Luckily Eddie complies and gets in so Buck is able to turn the car and begin heading home.

"How did you know where I was?" Buck asks.

"Chris, has you on find my phone, he's with Hen and Karen tonight," Eddie explains.

Buck nods but doesn't speak and it's silent then for a while till Eddie talks again, "That night, when you got taken, why were you out?" He asks and wow isn't that a million dollar question, because the truth is he was out for Eddie, to tell him something ridiculous, that he can't even think about now.

"I can't remember," is his response, a twisted lie that he's sure the man beside him doesn't buy but nevertheless he stays quiet. It's weird with Eddie this close, within arms reach, if Buck wanted to he could grab him, if Eddie wanted to so could he.

Once they pull up by Eddie's house there's a silence hung in the air. Then Eddie's phone buzzes and he pulls it from his pocket breaking it, Eddie takes it out to read the notification.

"You told me you didn't have your phone," Buck says, Eddie had lied.

"I was being selfish, haven't we established that's my thing now," Eddie says and Buck almost laughs but it gets stuck in his throat for numerous reasons but mostly the look on Eddie's face.

"Can I try something," he says.

"What?"

"Alright, scratch that I'm just going for it," Eddie says and Buck felt the need to prepare himself for a lot of things but none of those things were Eddie Diaz breaking out into song singing, Bad Omens very off key. Buck stares at him wide eyed throughout the whole thing until he finally finishes.

"So how do you feel?" Eddie asks.

"Like you need to get out of my car, goodbye Edmundo," Buck says and it kind of pains him how Eddie's face crumples and he nods, exiting the car.

"I'll miss you Buck, always, don't ever forget you have a home here," Eddie says and Buck nods more looking at the road ahead then the man. Eddie sighs and closes the door and Buck waits too beats before his foot is on the pedal and he's heading off again.

He gets only a block over when he's having to park the car and get out. His mind is flashing, those days in the warehouse fresh in his head once again but he's seeing them differently, all his friends aren't there, it's masked individuals wearing some sort of voice modulators, there beating him as a song plays over and over again the one Eddie had just sung for him. It wasn't real, he knows it wasn't real for real now. Buck sobs and grasps for air to fill his lungs as he crumples on the street. He's there for maybe an hour, maybe five minutes but once he's got himself together he's running.

He's sprinting towards the house he calls home, to the man he never wanted to leave behind and never will, because he remembers it all. When he's at the door he doesn't knock, opens it with the spare key that's always been next to the one for his apartment on his keyring and then he's running inside, forgetting about taking off his shoes until he's in the living room and finds Eddie sat on the couch. He looks up with him, eyes red and puffed, most likely mirroring Bucks.

"Eddie," Buck breathes and he almost cries again just at his own words, Eddie, his Eddie, not Edmundo.

"Buck," Eddie says cautiously, standing.

Buck doesn't waste time, he's over in seconds and yanks Eddie into a death grip hug allowing himself to bury into Eddie's shoulder.

Eddie doesn't hug back and at first Buck is confused but then he remembers what Eddie thinks, he believes Buck is probably still terrified of him.

"I'm back, I'm me, I remember so please Eddie just hug me," he tells him and that's all the brunette needs to be hugging him tightly too.

They both end up crying again as they hold each other, months without this and Buck wants to make up for lost time. Part of him wants to be going to see everyone else, his sister, his friends but right now all he really needs is Eddie, Eddie to hold him as he holds Eddie.

"I lied, that night I remember where I was going, I was going to you," he tells him. "I was coming to talk to you about something but I kept getting scared, kept getting out the car until I couldn't get back in it," Buck explains.

Eddie pulls away a bit to look at him, "You can tell me anything Buck, I never want you to be scared to talk to me,"

"Can you promise me that things will stay the same no matter what I say?" Buck asks, wiping at his eyes.

"Always," Eddie says, using his own hand now to wipe Bucks tears.

"I was in love with you, I am in love with you," Buck says and he can't meet Eddie's eye but he had to say it, he hasn't been able to tell him but now he can speak, now he's back and he still feels the same.

Eddie doesn't respond and Buck feels scared but not as much as before. But then there's a hand on his cheek and he's being pushed to face Eddie and look at him and there Buck can see unshed tears in his eyes.

"You don't know how long I've been waiting to hear that," he says and then without a beat he leans forward and kisses Buck. 

It's a surprise to say the least but soon enough Buck adjusts and he kisses back and they have a rhythm soon enough and kiss until they lose their breaths.

"I love you," Eddie says softly.

"I love you too," Buck responds.

He spends the night tangled up with Eddie in his bed, holding him tightly as if he'll lose him in his head again if he lets go. Eddie tells him that they had found his kidnappers and had gotten insight in the investigation that the song Eddie sang to him could break the hypnosis. It just took a few minutes to fully break it seemed.

They left the house first thing in the morning and headed to Maddie's, they decided not to tell anyone so Buck wasn't swarmed all at once and could surprise everyone. Once the door opens revealing Chimney he's hugging the shorter man and possibly giving him a heart attack on not even giving him enough time to speak or breath before he's finding his sister and pulling her into a hug.

"I'm back, I remember everything," he says softly, holding his sister who held him back tightly.

"I've missed you so much," she cries.

He sees Bobby and Athena next and the two hold him tight, Bobby for so long he feels like he's losing circulation.

"We're putting you in bubble wrap," Bobby tells him.

"Or on house arrest, permanently," Athena suggests making him laugh.

He sees Hen next, Eddie by his side and just seeing Eddie and Buck together put the biggest smile on Chris' face they had ever seen.

Hen hugs him as tight as the others, the same again happens with May and Ravi and oh he had missed this so much, his family. 

He turns down the job and is back with the 118 fire team and finally things feel right for the first time in too long.