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The Imperial Palace awoke to a celebration, not an official one, not a national one and not even one that appeared anywhere upon the imperial calendar. Yet somehow it had become the most important event in the minds of several very determined individuals.
It was Father's Day. This, unfortunately, meant that Cale Henituse was being bothered before breakfast.
The first sign of trouble came when the bedchamber doors exploded open. Not opened but exploded. The distinction mattered.
"Human! Wake up!"
Cale groaned. The sun had barely risen. The baby had spent most of the night demonstrating that newborns possessed a remarkable disregard for sleep. His back hurt, his shoulders hurt, his dignity had abandoned him sometime during childbirth and now Raon was shouting. Life was unfair. "Go away."
"No." The answer arrived immediately and naturally.
Cale opened one eye. Raon hovered above the bed with all the enthusiasm of a military commander announcing victory. Behind him stood On and Hong, each carrying carefully wrapped bundles.
Immediately, Cale became suspicious. Nothing good ever followed wrapped bundles. Especially when children were involved. "What did you do?"
"We prepared gifts." The answer came from On which somehow made the situation more alarming.
Hong nodded enthusiastically. "It is Father's Day."
Silence followed and then Cale blinked. Once, twice and the realization settled unexpectedly. Father's Day. The words felt strange and unfamiliar but not because he disliked them but because they now applied to him.
The baby sleeping peacefully beside him possessed the extraordinary ability to make even simple truths feel unbelievable.
Across the bed, Alberu had also awakened. The emperor looked considerably more rested than Cale. This was deeply offensive. "How."
Alberu smiled. "I slept."
"You have the same child."
"The child likes me."
"The child likes food."
"A distinction without meaning."
The conversation ended when Raon dramatically landed upon the bed. "Human! Cookie Prince! We have gifts!"
The children immediately began presenting offerings. On went first. With all the dignity expected of a noble lady, she handed Cale a carefully bound book. Inside were sketches. Dozens of them. The household, the family, the nursery, the baby and everyone. Moments preserved in ink.
Cale stared quietly and then looked away. The children knew him too well. "It's acceptable."
On smiled because she knew the translation was: He loved it.
Hong's gift followed. The kitten beast-person proudly presented a wooden carving. Unfortunately, the carving resembled absolutely nothing.
Cale turned it over, then sideways and then upside down. "What is it?"
"It's you."
Silence overcame the chamber.
"That is me?"
"Yes."
"..."
"It looks just like you."
"It does not."
"It really does."
Alberu looked and immediately laughed. A terrible mistake. The emperor spent the next several minutes being glared at.
Meanwhile, Raon presented his gift. The dragon produced a chest. A large and suspiciously heavy chest.
Cale closed his eyes. "No."
"Yes."
"No."
"Yes."
The chest opened. Gold, jewels, precious stones and treasures, enough wealth to destabilize a minor kingdom.
"The little human and human deserve treasure."
"Raon."
"Yes?"
"Where did you get this?"
The dragon looked offended. "I am a dragon."
This explained absolutely nothing. Unfortunately, everyone accepted the explanation. Even Alberu. The traitor.
By this point, little Caelum had finally awakened. The newborn stretched dramatically. Tiny fists emerged from blankets. Tiny yawns followed.
The room immediately softened. Every single person present turned toward the child. A phenomenon Cale had noticed frequently. Caelum possessed remarkable power, not magical power but the ability to reduce terrifying people into fools.
The baby blinked sleepily which resulted in Raon and Hong gasping and On smiling. Alberu looked hopelessly enchanted. Cale pretended not to be. Nobody believed him.
The infant eventually found himself transferred into Cale's arms. Tiny, warm and comfortable. The baby immediately settled.
A small hand reached upward and the room held its breath. The hand landed against Cale's cheek and then—
A tiny kiss or something close enough to qualify landed on the redhead's cheek and the room exploded.
"The little human kissed human!" Raon nearly crashed into the ceiling.
Hong looked delighted and On looked emotional. A servant somewhere began crying.
Cale stared. The baby stared back and then yawned as though nothing important had happened.
Meanwhile, everyone else had already reached several conclusions.
"The baby understands Father's Day."
"No."
"The baby planned this."
"No."
"The baby appreciates human."
"It is three days old."
"An exceptionally intelligent three-day-old."
Cale sighed. The misunderstanding spread immediately. Within minutes, everyone had become convinced that Caelum intentionally chose this morning to express filial affection.
The reality remained considerably simpler. The baby had discovered faces and then everything became worse because Alberu, watching this exchange, smiled. A soft, hopeful and dangerous smile. The smile of a man expecting equal treatment.
The emperor carefully extended his arms. "Come here."
Caelum blinked and then happily allowed himself to be transferred. Alberu immediately looked victorious. The baby settled comfortably.
The emperor looked as though he had personally conquered the continent and then—
Disaster struck. The warning signs existed but nobody noticed. The baby wriggled and made a small noise while looking suspiciously comfortable.
Several seconds later, a warm sensation spread across Alberu's robes. Silence followed. Complete, and absolute silence.
The emperor froze alongside the room. The baby looked pleased with himself. Alberu slowly looked downward and then upward and then downward again.
"..."
The realization arrived. The imperial heir had peed on him. Directly and without hesitation, without mercy and without regret. The room held its breath and then Hong snorted, a dangerous beginning.
Raon immediately lost control. The dragon's laughter echoed throughout the chamber.
On covered her mouth, not quickly enough. Even several servants abandoned all hope of professionalism.
Meanwhile, Alberu remained frozen. The emperor of the Roan Empire, ruler of countless subjects, master strategist, political genius and victim of a three-day-old infant.
The baby cooed as though proud.
Raon pointed dramatically. "The little human has chosen violence!"
"No."
"The little human has challenged Cookie Prince!"
"No."
"The little human marks his territory."
"RAON."
The dragon laughed harder. At this point even Cale had surrendered. His shoulders shook and a smile escaped then another. Eventually laughter followed.
The room erupted. Alberu stared at his husband and then at the baby then at his ruined robes and sighed. "You kissed one father."
The baby blinked.
"You assaulted the other."
A tiny burble emerged which made the room gasp.
"He admits it!"
"No."
"He takes responsibility!"
"He literally cannot."
"The little human is honorable."
The misunderstanding expanded instantly. By evening, half the palace had heard the story, by nightfall, several versions existed. In one telling, the baby had intentionally chosen his favorite parent, in another, the baby had bestowed blessings, and in a third, the baby had demonstrated political awareness.
The truth remained considerably less dramatic. Caelum Crossman was three days old. He had kissed one of his fathers and he had peed on another and somehow, despite this, both fathers spent the remainder of the day convinced they were the luckiest men in the empire.
The baby, meanwhile, slept peacefully through the chaos he had created. A true member of the family already.