Archive of Our Own

❄️Winter ❄️

Bestie with the Best Tea 🫖: DM between Colin and Penelope

Pen: 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

Colin: Shut up

Pen: 45 🤣

Colin: And I repeat, shut up

Pen: Your listening age is nearly two decades older than your chronological age

Colin: Thank you for the maths, John Nash

Pen: Listen, when I agreed to make a collab list, I was hoping it would be with someone from my generation

Colin: Whereas I’m collabing with a toddler

Pen: My listening age is ONE year younger than my real age

Pen: You, on the other hand, are basically collecting your pension

Colin: Have you ever even HEARD of this quaint relic called a deep cut

Pen: Sorry, I don’t speak 4 pm dinner

Colin: I’m blocking you on the socials

Pen: You can’t, you would miss me too much and it would screw up your 5 pm bedtime 😆

Colin: ISTG

Pen: I get that you appreciate a classic, but some of the shit on your list is from when Noah was still crowdfunding for the arc 😂

Colin: Your choices could wake people up from comas

Colin: Migraines 101

Pen: Really helping with the old age allegations there, pops

Colin: Okay, I didn’t want to have to do this but

Colin: *sends screenshot*

Pen: Fuck me. I plead the fifth

Colin: No

Colin: You don’t magically become American when I call you out on your bullshit, Feathers

Pen: Feathers. That’s a new one

Colin: Do you like it?

Pen: No 😀

Colin: Sigh. PEN. You cannot deny the evidence of my own eyes and your own playlist

Pen: I need to block you on spotify if you’re gonna abuse your privileges like this

Colin: Stating the facts is not "abusing the privileges”

Colin: Mr. Springfield looks might cozy on your little playlist for someone who is decidedly “of the era” 😌

Pen: I was framed

Colin: 🤨

Pen: Okay, whatever, maaaybbeee that one is a bit of a bopper. But the key word is BOPPING

Pen: Some of the tunes on your list are NOT boppers, Gandalf

Colin: 🎶All the rest is just jivin’, honey. I’ve done everything for youuuuu, you’ve done nothing for meeeeeeee 🎵

Pen: Omg you’re such a fucking loser I hate you

Colin: You love me

Pen: You have no idea how much

Pen: I don’t even like the song that 🎶This one way love affair ain’t fair, it ain't no affair to me 🎶

Colin: 🎤It’s all give and take, and you just take, and I can’t take it, you see 🎤

Pen: Pause for serious contemplation?

Colin: And I was just in the groove

Colin: Pause accepted

Pen: Is that how it felt to you? When you broke it off with Marina? All take, no give

Colin: Lol, I’ll never get anything past you, huh?

Pen: I just remembered you adding this song to the rotation right after the breakup

Pen: The lyrics don’t feel so coincidental

Colin: Yeah, well

Pen: We don’t have to talk about it. I just wondered

Colin: You can wonder, I don’t mind

Pen: Damn, we were in the boogie zone and I just dragged us right down into dumpville

Colin: Boogie zone? And I’m the one who sounds a thousand years old?

Pen: Hush. I propose a motion that Mr. Springfield should be on our master playlist

Colin: Motion accepted

Pen: Motion passed

Colin: To the dance?

Pen: To the dance 🕺

Pen: Wait, wait, one last thing

Colin: Yees?

Pen: When did you become a secret swiftie?

Colin: Oh ftlog I have only THREE taylor songs on there

Colin: And Hy forced me to add Love Story after she watched some barmy rom-com that had it blaring on the soundtrack

Pen: JOIN USSSSSSS, COLIN

Pen: Make the friendship bracelets with me

Pen: 

Colin: Blocking you isn’t enough, I’m getting a restraining order

🌺 Spring 🌺

Bestie with the Best Tea 🫖: DM between Colin and Penelope

Pen: Did you land safely?

Colin: Yes ma’am

Colin: But I fell asleep on the plane so I look like a car crash right now

Pen: Sexy

Colin: 😉

Pen: When does this assignment wrap up?

Colin: A week, and then off to Pattaya for a break

Pen: Good, you’ve earned it

Pen: This work stretch has been endless for you

Colin: Yeah, but the magazine is hoping to submit this set of articles as part of a grant we’re applying for

Colin: Have to put in the hours

Pen: It’s a lock

Colin: Some might argue that travelling for work is like having a constant break anyways, so the Pattaya sojourn is frivolous lol

Pen: You and Ant get into it again? 🫂

Colin: It’s fine lol

Colin: He’s entitled to what he feels

Pen: You aren’t doing luxury tourism, Col

Pen: You barely leave the hotels unless you’re on location filming or interviewing, and then you write and edit constantly

Colin: Yeah

Pen: I feel for Ant, I do. Having to live life in boardrooms since he was barely 20 sucks all the whimsy out of a person

Pen: But I hate that he diminishes your work like that

Colin: You don’t diminish it ♥️

Colin: That counts for more

Pen: Team Colin since day 1, baby 😉

Colin: I wish you could come with me for some of the trips

Pen: I wish you weren’t missing my birthday

Colin: I’m sorry

Pen: Wait, no, that came out wrong

Pen: I didn’t mean it like making you feel guilty

Pen: I meant like, I’ll miss you

Pen: Cake just doesn’t taste as good when you aren’t polishing it all of like the world is running out of chocolate

Colin: Lol!

Colin: I’ve told you enough times I cannot be left unsupervised around any type of ganache

Pen: You can’t be left unsupervised around stale biscuits

Colin: 😇

Pen: Hey

Colin: Mhmm?

Pen: I see more of my boppy bops have been making it onto your list

Colin: I know not of what you speak

Pen: I speak of 🎵Baby, you’re like candy in my veinsssssss 🎵

Colin: Okay, in my defense

Pen: You’re a 15 year old girl at heart? 😍

Colin: The “kissing my best friend” trend that was going TikTok viral a while ago

Colin: You couldn’t escape that song if you tried

Colin: Just learned to steer into the skid

Pen: ONE OF US! ONE OF US !

Colin: 🙄

Colin: Your goofy boppers help with the homesickness more than my croony tunes

Pen: ❤️

Pen: Is it really bad this time?

Colin: Not more than usual. Just…. Different than usual

Pen: How’s that?

Colin: Kate’s pregnant

Pen: I was on the broadcast announcement group lol, I know

Colin: No. Kate’s pregnant. Which means I’m going to have a niece or nephew soon

Pen: You can come home for the birth, Col. Even if it’s just for a few days

Colin: I know. I just feel confused lately

Colin: Things are happening that I want to come back for

Colin: But nothing has happened yet I want to STAY for

Colin: God, that makes me sound like such a fucking twat

Pen: No, it doesn’t

Pen: Wanting wings isn’t evil

Colin: Missing everyone’s lives is

Pen: You’re WORKING

Pen: You’re not just lazing on the beach drinking margaritas

Colin: They resent me, Pen. Half of them resent me leaving, the other half are just too kind to say it

Pen: You always do your best to come back for all the important occasions

Colin: What if it’s not enough?

Pen: I wouldn’t say this to them, because I’m not trying to cause waves

Pen: But they all get vacation time, Col

Pen: They all have the money and the time to travel

Pen: Anthony has a private fucking jet, by the way

Pen: Have any of them ever once offered to visit you on-site while you’re shooting?

Pen: Or offered to come spend time with you learning about what YOU love to do?

Pen: Because even flying all over the world, you take the time to KNOW them all

Pen: Every gift you send is so thoughtful, every letter you send is written with so much love

Pen: LETTERS. You take the time to write fucking letters in the year of our lord 2026, when most people don’t have the patience to write a coherent tweet

Pen: Don’t you minimize that

Pen: Maybe you miss some of their things, but they’ve missed out on just as much of you

Pen: So if you’re gonna play the blame game, make sure everyone is assigned their due

Pen: And I will now climb off my soapbox and talk to you about Pink Pony Club ending up on our masterlist

Pen: Which is clearly alluding to your long held dreams of shimmying on stage in pink heels

Pen: Which I will pay you to do, by the way. You’re so handsome, you’ll probably rock the Louboutins better than your sisters 😒

Colin: Pen

Pen: Don’t yell at me for lecturing you

Pen:

Colin: Thank you for seeing me

Pen: Not allowed, as it is not a favour

Colin: Can you ever accept a single act of gratitude with a tiny modicum of grace?

Pen: No

Colin: You really do make me feel seen in ways I’ve never felt seen before

Pen: What are best friends for?

Colin: Yeah. Best friends

Pen: Sometimes, I think of what you would say if I asked you to stay for me

Colin: Sometimes, I think maybe I could stay if it was for you

Colin: 🤗

Pen: 😘

Pen: Okay, so where did we land on that you dancing on stage thing? Because I’ve seen those quads on the beach, Bridgerton

Pen: Humanity deserves to see those muscles in fishnet stockings. Do it for the nation

Colin:

☀️ Summer ☀️

Bestie with the Best Tea 🫖: DM between Colin and Penelope

Colin: Hey

Pen: I’m fine

Colin: Pen, you don’t have to pretend here

Colin: Safe space

Pen: When is your flight taking off?

Colin: One hour, it got delayed

Colin: I’ll land at Heathrow around 7-ish

Pen: I’ll come pick you up

Colin: I’ll uber it, Pen

Colin: I’m coming straight to Portia’s anyway

Colin: You shouldn’t be running errands right now

Pen: Running errands won’t make him any less dead, Colin

Colin: Pen

Pen: I’m sorry. That was so out of line

Colin: It’s okay 🤗

Pen: It’s not. But I just feel so

Pen: I’m so angry. And I want to yell at everyone

Pen: I told them I was going for a petrol run just to get away from them

Pen: Just to get away from my family, what the fuck is wrong with me. Who event wants to get AWAY from family at a time like this

Colin: Times like this don’t have rules, love

Colin: We’ll stop by mine for a bit when you pick me up

Colin: Or stop at a park, whatever

Colin: You can scream, or cry. Curse. Sing showtunes

Colin: What feels the best

Pen: I just want to hug you

Colin: Soon 🫂 So, so soon, I promise

Pen: I was listening to the one from your list

Colin: Which one?

Pen: The Cranberries one

Colin: Dreams?

Pen: Yeah

Pen: Since we got the call

Pen: These lines: “I want more, impossible to ignore.”

Pen: I know it’s about love coming true, or taking that chance

Pen: But that’s what Dad was like his whole life

Pen: Nothing he had was enough for him

Pen: He wanted more constantly. More money, a bigger thrill, a bigger gamble, a new mistress, some new exotic trip, always more more more

Pen: Look where it landed him

Pen: But he couldn’t help it. It was impossible for him to not want it

Pen: People think of “settling” as such a negative thing

Pen: But we would have given anything to have him settle. To just want us. A wife, kids, his home, come back to us in the evening

Pen: But no, nope. “I know I’ve felt this way before, but now I’m feeling it even more.”

Pen: That was him. Every new thing was even bigger and then now… he’s never going to feel

Pen: He ended up where he dreaded the most. Standing still

Colin: I know

Pen: If he was gonna move, why couldn’t he move like YOU

Pen: You move around the world chasing dreams too, but you make everything more beautiful in the process. You make people want to have wings

Pen: He was like a fucking hurricane

Colin: I wish he wasn’t

Colin: You don’t deserve hurricanes

Pen: Choose one of the good ones of our masterlist

Pen: Anything

Pen: Give me something good to focus on so I don’t cry

Colin: It’s okay to cry

Pen: Not until I have you here

Colin: Okay ♥️

Colin: Sit Next To Me, the ftp song

Colin: Let’s hit play together, it’ll be like we’re sharing headphones

Pen: Okay

Colin: You know my favorite lyrics?

Pen: ?

Colin: “And now it's over, we're sober, symptoms of the culture. And the night ain't getting any younger, last call’s around the corner.”

Colin: Not trying to force optimism or a best case scenario

Colin: We need that sometimes, don't we

Colin: Someone to just let things be what they are

Pen: “Just fading out these talkers ‘cause now all I want is you.”

Colin: Soon 🫂

Pen: 🫂🫂🫂

🍂 Autumn 🍂

Bestie with the Best Tea 🫖: DM between Colin and Penelope

Pen: Your sister is batshit crazy

Colin: That narrows it down to all of them for different reasons

Colin: I'm gonna need more

Pen: Eloise

Pen: Her and Phil were getting into it about their different music choices at his birthday party

Pen: And she said that a lack of musical compatibility probably spells doom for sexual compatibility

Colin: I don't want to think about Eloise's sexual anything with anyone

Colin: But I believe you

Pen: Imagine potentially implying that someone is bad in the sack because they don't like the same tunes as you?

Pen: By that logic, the two of us shouldn't even be friends

Colin: But we aren't testing our sack compatibility

Colin: I mean, I'm not trying to get you in the sack

Colin: I mean, there are no sacks in our relationship!

Pen: Can you just call me unfuckable and move on with your life 😑

Colin: I said no such thing! Don't put words in my mouth

Colin: I'm sure you're

Colin: I mean, your fuckability isn't the question at hand

Colin: What are we even talking about????

Pen: How I'm a potato you wouldn't fuck

Colin:

Pen: Gonna change my legal name to unfuckable potato

Colin: Gonna change my legal name to Penelope's Bitch

Pen:

Colin: OKAY

Colin: Also, does El’s theory work both ways?

Pen: Meaning?

Colin: If a lack of musical compatibility is indicative of sexual incompatibility

Colin: Does sharing the same musical tastes mean you'll naturally be good in bed together?

Pen: Oh

Pen: Hmmm, okay food for thought

Colin: ALSO, what about the interim?

Colin: Is having some compatibility, and some incompatibility in musical tastes, mean that you’ll only be good in bed together HALF the time?

Pen: Wait, are you talking about us now?

Pen: It’s not enough that I’m an unfuckable potato, but now I’m only good at sex half the time when you ARE fucking me?

Colin: Penelope Anne Featherington

Pen: I want to behave but I’m not gonna

Colin: Why are you being insane

Pen: I haven’t gotten laid in over a year

Pen: I am very sensitive to any negative insinuations about my sexual prowess currently

Colin: One, I did not insinuate anything of the sort

Pen: Then why was it insinuation-shaped?

Colin: 😑

Colin: And secondly, give yourself grace

Colin: Your last relationship was with an ornithologist who liked to regale us with tales of seals and polar bears over dinner

Colin: I’m surprised your lady bits didn’t board themselves shut out of protest permanently

Pen: Snob much? How do you know he wasn’t dicking me down real good

Colin: Penelope, please

Colin: The only way that man was making you wet was if you were showering to get away from him

Pen:

Colin: 😉

Pen: Col

Colin: Pen?

Pen: I miss you

Colin: I miss you more

Pen: Sometimes I wish

Colin: ?

Colin: You didn’t finish that sentence

Pen: Nevermind. Lost my train of thought

Colin: Pen

Pen: Yeah?

Colin: Do you sometimes wish I could come home to stay?

Pen: Of course I want you to be here more. We’d all love that, we love you

Colin: No

Colin: You, specifically

Colin: Do YOU want me to come back?

Pen: Do you want me to want that?

Colin: I want you to be allowed to have expectations of me

Colin: If you wanted to

Pen: How do I answer that

Pen: OMG OMG OMG

Pen: Eloise just texted me, Kate just went into labour!

Colin: Shit, group chats are blowing up

Pen: Your assignment is done right????

Colin: Yes, have a couple week’s break before the next

Pen: Book your flight back right now! I’ll see if I can distract the rest of those bozos so you see baby first and immediately become favourite uncle

Colin: My best girl 😘

Colin: Booking

❄️ Winter ❄️

Bestie with the Best Tea 🫖: DM between Colin and Penelope

Pen: Rumour mill at work says there’s an application for a publishing grant opening up soon

Colin: Yeah?

Pen: Yeah

Colin: You’re going to apply, right? Your manuscript has been done forever and it’s incredible

Pen: I don’t know. I want to

Colin: You have to

Pen: But I’m much younger than most of the people who’ll go for it

Colin: You’re also more accomplished

Pen: You’re not an an unbiased source

Colin: Impossible to be when it comes to you, tbf

Colin: But even objectively

Colin: You have more writing awards than shoes

Colin: And I’ve read your book. You write with such passion and wit, the world deserves to see it

Pen: 🥺

Pen: I can't even act like a pain in your arse when you're being so sweet and supportive

Colin: Lol! Sorry to deprive you, but you have like a seven second rebound rate

Pen: That's true 😈

Colin: My contract is up for renewal soon too. In spring

Pen: Yeah?

Colin: Yeah

Pen: It has to be pretty secure, I mean your articles and videos have the best feedback by miles

Pen: The next three writers after you barely rank in comparison

Colin: Yeah, no, I'm not super worried. My numbers are fairly solid

Pen: What?

Colin: I didn't say anything

Pen: The ‘BUT’ was hanging onto the end of your sentence in big neon lettering

Colin: Don't exaggerate

Pen: Spill

Colin: Nothing, just weighing the pros and cons of continuing on with this lifestyle

Pen: Are you thinking of leaving the magazine?

Colin: Not necessarily. There's a couple of job openings that would keep me local, without a pay cut

Colin: I could keep doing the work I love, but be closer to you everyone

Colin: And I control my socials, so it's not like those would be affected. I'd just have to some logistical reshuffling

Pen: I'd love to have you home

Pen: Fuck, all of us would, this would be amazing

Colin: Yeah?

Pen: Yes! But are you sure you're ready to give all of that stuff up? Seeing the world, all the adventures

Colin: I think I'm maybe ready to see what adventures are waiting for me at home

Pen: I support you no matter what you decide, you know that

Colin: I know ♥️

Pen: Bah, know what I wish?

Colin: What?

Pen: That I could just be selfish and say the thing

Colin: What thing

Pen: The thing you aren't supposed to say to your best friend because it's too selfish

Colin: You're the least selfish person on the planet, Pen

Colin: Tell me

Pen: If I was just considering ME. What I want, and no one else

Pen: I'd say just come home

Colin: Yeah?

Pen: Yeah. I don't think you going to other places is what creates the magic in your work

Pen: I kind of think you take the magic with you wherever you go

Pen: So being here could be just as much as adventure, because you'd make it that way

Pen: And I'd have my favorite person in the world here with me ♥️

Pen: Lol, sorry

Colin: Don't be

Colin: I like that you want me around

Pen: I always want you around, how is that even a question

Pen: I just felt weird asking myself to be a factor in your decision

Colin: You don't have to ask that

Colin: I mean I'm glad you did

Colin: But you've always been a factor

Pen: Yeah?

Colin: Yes

Pen: Lol, you know this feels so movie airport scene

Colin: How's that?

Pen: Just, you know. If you come back for me, or with me as a factor, it'll kind of me grand-gestury

Pen: The equivalent of the hero running through security to stop the girl from boarding the flight

Colin: You never struck me as someone who'd be into the grand gesture

Pen: Nah, you're right. That's not my cup of tea

Colin: And what's your cup of tea?

Pen: A strong cup of builders. One sugar, splash of milk 😁

Colin:

Pen: Finnneeee

Pen: I don't think a gesture has to be grand, or small. I mean, I don't size shame gestures

Pen: As long as it's customized to the person, and shows thought

Pen: A private joke immortalized in some way, or something that took effort because the person you're making it for is worth the effort

Colin: ♥️♥️♥️

Pen: Col

Colin: Yeah?

Pen: Don't come home because I'm asking you to

Colin: I know

Pen: Come home when the reason to stay is big enough that roots aren't scarier than wings 🫂

Colin: I think I may know that reason

Colin: Hey, tell you what

Colin: When you get the grant

Pen: IF

Colin: WHEN you get the grant, I'll plan a fun gift for you

Pen: 😃

Pen: Omg guess what, work just called, I got the grant! Gimme my gift NOW

Colin: Nice try

Pen: You know I hate surprises!

Colin: It's not a surprise, it's incentivizing you to apply

Pen: So not only do I have to do this high-pressure application, I have to actually WIN to even get a gift?

Colin: Yes

Pen: And if I'm a big old loser who loses?

Colin: You still get a gift, but also a big tub of your favorite passionfruit sorbet

Pen: And mini eclairs 😠

Colin: And mini eclairs 😘

🌺 Spring 🌺

Bestie with the Best Tea 🫖: DM between Colin and Penelope

Colin: Hey

Pen: One sec one sec one sec!

Colin: Keep your knickers on, Featherington, there is no ticking sword here

Pen: Mixed metaphors are so hot

Colin: What?

Pen: Ticking CLOCK, HANGING sword 🤭

Colin: Shut up, I've had a very poor night's sleep

Pen: Poor grandpa

Pen: Okay, I am here, I am free, I am so fucking excited let's do this!!

Pen: A gift for the fact that I am, drumroll please, the recipient of a fancy new publishing grant that's right bitches!!!

Colin: That's my girl! 😍

Colin: First stop, Danbury. Next stop: world domination!

Pen: With a pit stop to have a baby or two with Ryan Gosling and/or snag Colin Firth as my sugar daddy

Colin: I am the only Colin in your life

Pen: But I don't call you Daddy, do I? 😏

Colin: This convo has immediately gone off the rails

Pen: Bold of you to assume it was ever ON the rails

Colin: You're right, that one's on me

Colin: Okay, ready for the rules?

Pen: Dork 😘 Lay em on me

Colin: I have a time stamp for the 10 songs. Each time stamp is a specific set of words. Together, they make a sentence

Pen: Words together make a sentence? 😱😱😱

Colin: Penelope Anne ISTG

Pen: Sorry 😇 I'm just excited! 🥺

Colin: ♥️

Colin: You get the sentence right, spell it out here. It’s something I wanted to tell you, but I thought I’d get a little creative

Pen: Is the sentence the gift?

Colin: Sort of, yes

Pen: So if I get it wrong, I don't get my gift? First I have to do homework, then I don't get a gift if the grade is bad?

Colin: Yes

Pen: This is a lot of work

Colin: Yes. But to be fair, so are you

Pen:

Colin: 😉

Colin: Ready?

Pen: Born ready, baby

Colin: https://open.spotify.com/playlist/5muRMiqdZTOWvXW02iCYhk?si=2I7wk0pWROmoYGiYwWOL7A

Colin: You have the playlist pulled up?

Pen: Yes sir

Pen: Awww, it’s called “For Penelope”

Pen: Zero points for creativity, a million points for cute 😍

Colin: Le sigh

Pen: Le I adore you

Colin: Okay, some of the time stamps move quickly, so you’ll have to do some educated guessing

Pen: Next time, just get me a spa certificate

Colin: Stop yapping and grab your pencil and paper

Pen: At the ready, let’s go 💃💃💃

Colin: 1st song, 0:35-0:36

Pen: Got it

Colin: 2nd song, 0:36-0:37

Pen: Okay

Colin: 3rd song, 0:24-0:27

Pen: Got it

Colin: Song 4, 0:44-0:48

Pen: Colin…

Colin: It’s okay, trust me. Song five, 1:49-1:55

Pen: Col, what’s going on?

Colin: Keep listening ❤️

Colin: Song 6, 0:50-1:06

Pen: Col…

Colin: Couple more, Pen. We’re almost done

Pen: Okay…

Colin: Song 7, 1:10-1:13

Pen: Oh my god

Colin: Song 8, 1:01-1:09

Pen: If this is a joke, I’m going to end your lineage

Colin: Shhh… almost done

Colin: Song 9, 1:40-1:51

Pen: I can’t breathe

Colin: One more, Pen

Pen: I hate you

Colin: Last one ♥️

Colin: 10th song, 0:27-0:30

Pen: That one wasn’t on our masterlist

Colin: I know

Pen: You deviated just to find one with my name?

Colin: Yes

Pen: That’s all of them?

Colin: Yes

Colin: For the love of god, say something

Pen: My heart just went into factory reset, gimme a fucking minute!

Colin: Sorry, sorry!

Pen: So this isn’t a sick joke?

Colin: No

Pen: You want to come home…?

Colin: I am coming home. I applied for the local writing position. I start in two weeks.

Pen: This is such bullshit

Colin: Why???

Pen: I’ve felt this way for you for like a decade, how did YOU beat me to the confession

Colin: For a decade? Really?

Pen: With the perfect curated playlist, too

Pen: It’s not enough that every Bridgerton is hotter than lava and richer than god, you’re all like Captain Wentworth levels of romantic

Colin: Okay, can we talk about how you’ve felt the same for a decade????

Pen: No. We can talk about THIS. What you just did

Pen: Because ????

Colin: Yeah ♥️

Pen: Really?

Colin: Really

Pen: For how long?

Colin: I've felt it for a while now, but I didn't want to say anything until I knew I was going to be around. That wouldn't be fair

Pen: Okay but you know you aren't allowed to actually say the words to me directly until we're face to face

Colin: I'm aware

Pen: I hate you

Colin: No, you don't 😉

Pen: You aren't back for another two weeks!!

Pen: So now I know how you feel and I have to wait two weeks to do anything about it?!

Colin: I’m coming back next week, didn't I mention that?

Colin: Wanted some time to… recuperate, before the new gig begins

Pen: I'm trying to do an anagram thing on the word recuperate to make it slutty, but the best I can come up with it Recur Peeta

Pen: Fucking dammit

Colin: Something slutty, huh?

Pen: Please, a decade of foreplay here!

Pen: We're not leaving my flat for months, nay YEARS

Colin: I haven't given you a decade of foreplay, but I very much plan to now

Colin: Make up for lost time 😏

Pen: Yes, you owe me eleventy million orgasms for the ones you'd have given me if you weren't still away for a week

Colin: Your estimation of my sexual prowess is doing wonders for my ego

Pen: Colin!

Colin: Pen!

Pen: Look what you just sent me with this playlist!!!

Colin: I know ♥️

Pen: OMG?

Colin: OMG here as well

Pen: Okay, there is only ONE way to manage this week apart before you rail me into next year

Colin:

Pen: We have to start a sexy time playlist!!!

Pen: A soundtrack for the carnal relations we will have

Colin: I can think of plenty of sounds you're gonna make without needing Spotify, Pen 😏

Pen: Hey, have your whore era AFTER you're in town

Pen: Okay, calling this playlist “It's All Love After All”

Colin: That's rather adorable

Pen: Yes, but the songs will be all BANGers

Pen: See how I emphasized the word BANG there?

Colin: I missed it the first time with the subtlety, but yes, now it's loud and clear

Pen: Plus giving it a cute name legitimizes me in the eyes of Jesus since this is essentially our first ever porn collab 😍

Colin: The first of many 😍

Pen: Don't think I didn't notice, btw

Colin: Hmm?

Pen: Time stamp 5…

Colin: Yeah… I wasn't sure about using it for a minute, but I thought maybe you could have a happy memory for it

Pen: I'll only think of this memory now when I listen to it

Colin: Good 🤗

Pen: Okay, so just to verify one last time for posterity…

Pen: You time stamp 9 me?

Colin: I time stamp 9 you so much

Pen: I time stamp 9 you, too

Pen: Always have ♥️

🎶

(I encourage you to do the time stamp word search yourself if you have a few spare minutes, just for fun, since the list is accessible ♥️ but here's Colin's message)

Time stamp 1: I wanna…

Time stamp 2: Beg You…

Time stamp 3: Let Me get What I want …

Time stamp 4: How Can we go back to being friends…

Time stamp 5: I want more, impossible to ignore…

Time stamp 6: I don’t wanna get undressed for a new person all over again, I won’t wanna kiss someone else’s neck, and have to pretend it’s yours instead….

Time stamp 7: I’ll give you my heart and the rest is up to you…

Time stamp 8: Oh home, let me come home, home is wherever I’m with you…

Time stamp 9: Ah, and you know I love you so, you know I love you so…

Time stamp 10: Penelope, Penelope