Actions

Work Header

annoying ass vampire what the fuuuuck

Summary:

in this world vampires are like annoying rodents that show up sometimes out of nowhere and theyre a pain in the ass to deal with and everyone hates them and they also really suck. also like mosquitos. anyways one bites kris and now they have to deal with that and susie helps them. whatever

Notes:

i wrote this like. a while back but idk when . so i went through this and changed it a little bit (throws this fic at the floor and it makes a loud wet SPLAT sound)

(See the end of the work for more notes.)

Work Text:

Susie and Kris had just been watching movies after having some pizza for dinner. The latter's mom isn't home, though they still didn't want to do anything too diabolical and evil like throw a whole ass party but they were still bored so they just invited Susie over.

The movie they put on, of course, was boring as shit so they'd already been wandering around and doing small things as it played; neither of them truly paid much attention at all to it.

Eventually, Kris announces, "hey, I'm gonna go take the trash out," noticing that it was full after tossing the pizza box.

"Aight, have fun, hehah." cackles Susie.

"Pfft- yeah, whatever."

Kris heads outside, carrying the large bag with them. It's pretty dark outside but with the nearby lights from houses, including some street lights, they can see enough to actually deal with this. For once, they're not too pissed at light pollution. They stand there in the cool, peaceful and silent air for a moment before moving to hurl the trash into its respective bin. Just after, they swear they hear something rustling against the bushes and trees in the distance.

Kris feels something's off but they try to ignore it and walk back towards the door, quicker than they'd originally intended.

But something runs up and pins them down. A small surprised sound arises from them and they immediately reach for their pocket knife, quickly swinging behind them but it grabs their wrist and just pins them down harder.

And then it tosses the knife aside.

Fuck.

They cry out Susie's name, or attempt to, because a sound barely escapes their lips before a claw is clasped over their mouth. Its other arm goes to just keep their arms to their sides, wrapping it under them whilst it uses the rest of its body to just pin them down.

...Fucking shit.

Kris squirms for a moment, which was, admittedly, rather useless. Then they suddenly feel something sharp at the side of their neck, startling them, and before they have time to think about it, its fangs are stabbed into their skin. They yelp but it just digs them in deeper, Kris hissing through their teeth in pain and trying to push it off again.

They feel... something being drained from them, though. After a few moments, they get a little dizzier. Despite that, Kris makes an attempt to strain themselves a bit to reach for their discarded pocket knife. The fanged thing on top of them doesn’t bat an eye. Fingertips graze the weapon but they can barely reach it… Barely. Unfortunately, the sharper bit is facing them, too, and the chunk you’d typically hold is facing away. But either way, they just push their arm further and grab it anyways. It cuts into their palm a bit but they quickly turn it over and slash across the face of their attacker. It hisses like a pissed off cat and moves back a bit, giving Kris space to move back as well. They make an attempt to get back on their feet, but they weakly fall back with a whine. Too dizzy and disoriented, and there's a throbbing headache that pulses in the back of their skull.

Kris manages to muster up the strength to choke out Susie's name again uninterrupted, collapsed against the ground and on the verge of passing out.

A split second later, the door whips open to reveal a slightly panicked Susie, and her expression only grows more panicked to see the situation, even when the thing that attacked them hisses and scurries away into the forest again at the sight of her. She runs over to Kris, takes a few steps back to the house again, and then just runs over and scoops them into her arms before running inside.

She mutters to herself various repeated swear words, quickly laying them on the couch before running to the bathroom and returning with a bunch of... various supplies Kris can't exactly identify. Kris moves to sit up, a small attempt to maybe shake off the dizziness, although it doesn't get much better.

Her claw gently nudges their chin and they move it so that she has better access to the wound. They can't exactly tell what she's doing but they can assume she's cleaning the wound or something along the lines of that. And she's being oddly gentle. And her hands are warm enough to melt into and...

"Hey, don't fall asleep just yet."

Oh. They just hum in response.

"...Now that I'm talking and you seem to be responding, um, what even happened?"

Kris takes a moment to begin, "dunno, um... taking out trash... saw... heard something in th' forest... uh... when I turned around I got pinned out n' I used my pocket knife to stab it... but I couldn't get up... too dizzy..."

"Oh yeah. Forgot vampire venom does that. I think blood loss is… also not good."

"...You know about-?"

"Yeah, found, uh... I found a book in the librarby for parents I think about how to take care of humans and I went through it ‘cause I was curious and it said vampires can definitely go after y’all. And the venom only makes you lightheaded, I’m pretty sure."

"s' kinda pointless. the venom... just a pain in the ass."

"Prolly so you'd stay put or something. Unfortunately for that dumbass, I got there before it could take too much blood. And now you only really need some bandaging. And water, probably." At that same moment, Susie takes a few small pieces of paper off of a bandage and she leans in to stick it over the bite wound.

"...mm." Kris turns over on the couch, facing the back of it, though its infinitely more comfortable for some reason.

"You don't drink enough water either way. Too much Dr. Pepper. Like, I like Dr. Pepper too but you have fuckin' ungodly amounts of it." She notices the small and shallow yet still bleeding cuts on their palm, and she wraps a bit of gauze around their hand.

"Hmhah, what makes it ungodly...?"

"Noelle told me once when you two were a little younger you'd go on walks a lot n' once you stopped at the corner store to get three of those tall cans of Dr. Pepper. And you drank all of them."

"I mean... it's good. like, um... it... tastes like rust... and it's fun."

"People who HATE it usually say it tastes like rust. Tastes more like 7th grade for some reason. And cavetown. Yeah. But still, you need to drink water." She grabs a cup from the cabinet and saunters over to the sink to fill it up before giving it to Kris.

"Thanks," they say between small sips as Susie sits down next to them, shaking the couch for a split second.

Looking at the TV, though, she makes a sort of grimace. "Alright, I'm actually kinda done with this shitass movie. You too?" She’s not sure if they can even watch anything in their condition, but she asks, anyways.

Kris nods and she just shuts the TV off. They inquire sleepily, "Can we cuddle...?"

"Yeah, sure. Still on the couch or in your room? Or you and your brother's room. Whatever, he's at college."

“Mm… whatever s’ fine…”

Susie thinks for a moment and decides their bed is probably going to be the more comfortable option for them, so she scoops them into her arms and starts walking upstairs. She notes to herself to later look into the effects of vampire venom just in case the book she skimmed through didn’t say enough. She’s sure it wouldn’t skip anything important like any fatal effects… but, well, she should still do it just to be safe.

Opening the door to their room, she sets them on their bed and she adds, “I’m gonna go get you some more water.” Kris just hums in response, and Susie starts to walk back downstairs. She’s been around their house enough to know what’s in which cabinets (although the forks and spoons sometimes switch spots every handful of months) so she opens one and grabs a pale light blue water bottle before turning the sink on and filling it with water. Screwing the top back on, she starts to walk upstairs again.

Looking at Kris, they’re collapsed over their bed, nearly passed out. Susie sighs and places the water bottle on their nightstand. Kris mumbles, “m’ I gonna, like, turn into a vampire or something…?”

“Nah, that’s just a myth.”

“Mm… awesomesauce… sorry, also, if m’ being inconvenient-”

“What? You literally almost died. Why do you care if you’re being inconvenient. Also, no, you’re not. You’re my awesome friend and I like helping you because I care about you? Idiot.” Kris laughs a little at the affectionate insults, and Susie sits on the foot of their bed. She then adds, “are you still up for cuddles, anyways?”

They nod and she wraps her arms around them, laying down and bringing them down with her. Kris just melts against her chest while she grabs the blankets and pulls them up, and they mumble, “also, um… did I actually thank you earlier or did I say it in my head…?”

Susie honestly doesn’t recall. The memory probably melted away in the panic if they’d said it. She says, “umhh… I don’t remember, but it’s whatevertown.”

“...Hm. Uh, thanks, for… helping, and stuff.”

“Yeah, dude, of course.” She realizes she’ll probably have to tell their mom at some point about them getting bit by a vampire but… she decides that’s a problem for future Susie and brushes it off for later.

Kris randomly blurts out, though, “hh… your voice sounds nice…”

Susie blushes, snapping out of her thoughts. “Huh?”

“I like your voice… s’ like… sounds… uh… like oreos and whipped peanut butter.” Frankly, she actually doesn’t like her voice that much. Her tail starts wagging but she pays no mind to it. Kris notices, though, and smiles a little bit, and they add, “your tail’s wagging.”

“...Shut up,” she growls affectionately. Kris giggles a bit, and so does she. “Whatever, you need to drink more water. Have you had any of it from that water bottle yet?” They shake their head. Susie sighs, grabbing it and handing it to them. Begrudgingly, they take a few sips from it, leaving Susie content knowing they’ve actually had something to drink, and they stretch their arm a bit to put it back on the nightstand before yawning.

Susie hums with thought and pulls out her phone. “I’m gonna look up the effects of the venom, actually. Just to be sure.” Kris makes a small sound to acknowledge her and she starts typing into the search bar her question… hm. Scrolling a bit, she sees it just affects their behavior a little bit, makes them dizzy and disoriented for around an hour or less, and could make it hard to walk. Not anything she doesn’t already know, honestly.

She finds a little blurb somewhere saying how to treat vampire bite victims, though it’s pretty much summarizing what she’s already doing for them now. The only new thing is that it says to make sure they get sleep though with how they’re doing, they probably won’t be awake any longer. Speaking of Kris… she looks up at them.

“How are you holding up?” she asks.

“Mm… just thinkin’. s’ weird how they go for the neck and not anywhere else…” they joke, “coulda bought me dinner first,” and Susie rolls her eyes with a giggle in response.

“I… actually, that is kinda weird. I dunno, maybe it tastes better or something? To be fair, I also don’t know what blood tastes like in the first place. Monsters don’t have blood.”

Kris just looks at her weird. “Blood is bitter as hell, I… I dunno about that.”

“How do YOU know??”

“I dunno, I’ve licked scratches before, n’ stuff.”

“Pfft- and why would you do that?”

Kris shrugs. And Susie laughs, jostling them a little bit by accident, though it doesn’t bother them at all or anything. “It tastes like metal. In a bad way, not in the Dr. Pepper way,” they grimace, remembering the weird, metallic taste. “I don’t really… see why a vampire would wanna eat it.”

“I guess they kind of have to or else they’ll die.”

“Well, they could’ve eaten a rabbit n’ the forest or somethin’ instead… prolly would’ve been easier. …I had a dang knife, n’...” they just start to ramble incomprehensibly into Susie’s shoulder, trailing off, but she doesn’t stop them. For a moment, their head lolls for a moment, nearly falling asleep, but they catch themself and wake up again.

“You don’t gotta stay awake,” says Susie, “you should get some sleep, anyways. Honestly, we should both get sleep. It’s almost, like, 11 PM.”

They take a moment to respond. “Yeah, fair…” they yawn, and Susie pulls the blanket up a little higher. “Goodnight, nm… hhs…” they’re about to say something but they start to fall asleep again, and this time without catching themself and forcing themself awake. Susie yawns as well, shifting a little bit so now they’re laying next to her but still pulled close to her chest. And, of course, being so late, it’s not long before she drifts to sleep as well, holding Kris tight like a stuffed animal.

Notes:

if you know me outside of ao3 . dont talk to me about this fic. ill kill you with rocks /j /nm (joking u can talk to me about it but dont mention it in public or i might consider it (joking again!! unless…))