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Peter stood outside the door to Wade's apartment, hoping against hope that the older man showed him even a shred of mercy that he knew he didn't deserve and let him in out of the rain. After the last year and a half of hell that he'd subjected the merc to, he really wasn't expecting much -
The door slowly swung open, Wade muttering curses under his breath as he pulled his mask down with one hand and began fishing around in his back pocket with the other, "Y'know, one would think living on top of a Chinese restaurant would mean my food would be delivered in a reasonable amount of time. It's been two fucking- oh."
"Wade." And suddenly, Peter was having difficulty swallowing around the lump in his throat. "You look... good."
Good was perhaps a little bit of a stretch. After a moment's hesitation, Peter allowed his eyes to rake up and down the merc's body... okay, perhaps a big stretch. Clothes that had seemed just a hair too tight now hung loose off the older man's frame, the well-defined muscles that Peter had loved to trace with his tongue in the heat of passion now virtually nonexistent. He looked about as healthy as he had in the last few weeks before he'd agreed to take part in the Weapon X program, and Peter struggled with how much that terrified him. Logically, he knew Wade couldn't die, that the cancer that had nearly claimed his life five years ago couldn't touch him now...
Wade worried the bottom of his mask, one of the many tells that Peter had come to realize meant the merc was extremely uncomfortable with the situation and was struggling to find a way to deal. Peter allowed his eyes to fall, taking in the way the rain was soaking his feet through the holes in his sneakers. Funny, for a minute there he'd actually managed to forget that it was raining. Wade seemed to just be noticing the unfortunate weather conditions as well, because his face scrunched with consideration beneath the mask, before turning to head back upstairs... and leaving the door wide open, the unspoken invitation hanging heavily in the air.
Because Peter certainly didn't deserve to follow his ex-boyfriend upstairs, or the towel that was unceremoniously tossed in his direction when he stepped inside the door, or the mug of questionable-looking hot chocolate that was shoved into his hands five minutes later. He didn't deserve to stumble into Wade's life a year and a half after their break-up because of -
Pain shot through his bare foot when it came down atop a well-loved block, the wood worn down from baby slobber and incoming baby teeth. It didn't take him long to realize that the rest of the blocks, as well as several other baby toys, were strewn across the living room. "Sorry. I would've cleaned, but I wasn't expecting company."
Peter flinched. Surely Wade couldn't have changed so much in a year and a half that he'd taken up cleaning after himself? "No, I'm sorry. I should've called first -,"
"You have a lot of things to apologize for, Peter. Dropping by unannounced isn't one of them." Wade said softly. "Now, why're you really here?"
"She'll be one year old tomorrow, right?" Peter asked.
Wade, slipping his mask off, graced the younger man with a frown, "Yeah, and what does that matter to you? Because, excuse me if I'm wrong, but breaking up with me when I told you I was pregnant kind of negates any right you might've had to the kid."
Peter frowned. A year and a half later, and being slapped in the face by his own stupidity hurt just as bad now as it had then. "I was a twenty-year-old college student struggling to just keep my head above water. I was more dead than alive, functioning on less than five hours of sleep a night, trying to be the genius everyone swore I was destined to be."
The words resonated about as well as they had the first time he'd said them. Wade was painfully unimpressed, and more than slightly annoyed that after a year and a half he couldn't come up with a better excuse for his behavior. Yeah, he was a twenty-year-old college student, son of the infamous Tony Stark, billionaire-playboy extraordinaire and Steve Rogers, the literal embodiment of America - but Wade was a fucking mercenary. Even without the mask, it was impossible for him to just blend into society, so he always had a target on his back. He'd been fucking terrified at the idea of bringing a helpless infant into his bloody, murderous world... and Peter had just left.
Now, he slept with a loaded gun under his pillow. He hadn't had a decent night's sleep in almost a year, too afraid that if he let down his guard his baby would just disappear. His mind was a literal wreck - well, more so than usual - and if he wasn't so afraid of being caught off-guard he wouldn't have his guns at the apartment at all. He didn't trust anyone enough to watch his daughter while he took jobs, so he hadn't worked in over a year. It was only a matter of time before he could no longer afford the apartment -
"But if you think that that's all I came to say," Peter smiled softly, trying not to let Wade's nonplussed expression bother him, "you're wrong. I'm now a twenty-one year old college student, struggling just to keep my head above water. I'm a fucking walking zombie, and I'm not going to graduate magna cum laude. And I've realized... that's okay."
"Come again?" Wade paused, really taking the time to listen to Peter this time around.
"Life isn't going to get any easier. Once I graduate, I'll just be stepping out into a structure-less world that my education has failed to prepare me for. I might be able to write a front-page worthy column, but I still won't know how to tell the girl in the next cubicle that everyone in the office knows she's playing solitaire instead of editing articles -,"
Wade's confusion would've almost been comical, under different circumstances. "I still don't understand what this has to do with Everett's birthday -,"
Peter released a breath he didn't realize he'd been holding, "Her name is Everett?" He didn't even try to hide the break in his voice.
Wade seemed to struggle with himself for a moment, as if he were contemplating all the ways he could come to regret this decision... before nodding. "Yeah. I call her Evvie."
Something seemed to swell up in Peter's chest, the feeling so impossibly strong it couldn't have been anything other than love. "I don't deserve her. I don't deserve you. I know that." Peter drew in a deep breath, "And I'm so fucking sorry it took me this long to realize that our love wouldn't have meant half as much to me if I hadn't had to fight for it."
Ever since he was seventeen, he'd been fighting for Wade. Fighting his fathers for permission to date him, fighting the other Avengers when they tried to exclude him, fighting the demons that the merc tried to pretend didn't exist... But when Wade had really needed him to step up to the plate, to assume responsibility for his actions, he'd thrown up the white flag of surrender. And now he was standing there, attempting to repair a year and a half's worth of hurt with words that could never accurately convey just how sorry he really was. There was just so much he wanted to say, so much he needed to say -
"Coffee?" Wade asked. Peter hadn't even realized that a pot had been brewing until the machine beeped, and Wade hurried off into the kitchen if only to ease the tension in the air. After several seconds, Peter agreed. "You still take it with cream, no sugar?"
"After everything I've done to you, why would you remember something so mundane?" Peter asked, half-pained and half-awed by Wade's memory.
"Because loving someone is about knowing them - and all the bothersome little quirks that make them who they are." Wade said softly. "Plus, I never understood how you could stomach that shit. No sugar? Seriously, man, that's just gross."
Peter was silent for a beat, before softly assuring, "I still love you too, you know."
"You don't get to jump back into the frontline after the battle is over, Peter. That's not how it works."
"I know I fucked up, baby. And I know that one little apology won't do shit - but I'll say it anyway. I'm sorry." He reached into his coat pocket, "And I brought something to prove it."
Wade dropped his mug of coffee on the ground when Peter dropped to one knee, producing a black velvet box from his pocket. His hands remained frozen in mid-air, trembling slightly as the reality of the situation began to sink in. Peter was about to fucking propose.
Peter, if possible, looked even more nervous than Wade. He struggled for a second to open the box, and by the time he did, he was shaking so badly he almost dropped the ring. And the ring... oh God, the ring was everything Wade had been hoping for before the break-up that had sent him spiraling even deeper into his little cesspool of insanity. The center stone was a handsome round-cut ruby, with much smaller blue sapphires and black spinel surrounding it. The gems were set in a warm, 14-karat rose gold.
"What I've been doing a real shit job of trying to explain is that I realize now that life doesn't get any easier - it just gets different. There will always be challenges I'm unprepared for, battles that I can't win... but I realize now that not even bothering to try doesn't benefit anyone. It only hurts the people that matter most. I hurt you, Wade, and I'm so sorry."
"Peter..." Wade trailed off, unsure about what to say.
"Right now, I'm doing what I should've done a year and a half ago. I'm banking on us. I'm not asking you to take this ring and forget what I've done. I'm asking you to accept my promise that nothing is more important to me than you and that baby girl, nothing, and to realize I'll spend the rest of my life indebted to you for even letting me get this far."
Wade sucked in a deep breath, "Are you asking me to..?"
"Yes, Wade," he sighed, "I am attempting to ask you to marry me."
"You really are an idiot, aren't you?"
Before Peter had the chance to interpret Wade's reaction as rejection, Wade slipped the ring onto his finger and admired how vibrantly the ruby gleamed even under the less than stellar kitchen lighting. It was the ring they'd picked out together, three months before they'd broken up, and Wade's heart fluttered when he realized that Peter had kept it all this time. It didn't make everything magically okay again... but it was definitely a start.
"Do you want to..." Wade swallowed hard, allowing himself a moment to collect his thoughts. "Do you want to meet your daughter?"
Peter's eyes widened. "C-Can I?"
Wade nodded, "Yeah... just give me a sec." And with that, he vanished into the bedroom.
A few minutes later, he emerged with a healthy baby girl in his arms. She blinked tiredly, probably just rousing from a mid-afternoon nap. After a few seconds, her blue eyes focused and zeroed in on Peter. Wade brought her closer, before plopping her chubby little body into Peter's arms. Those perfect blue eyes stared at him for a minute, taking him in, before his baby girl smiled and began giggling. Wade let out a breath of relief, running a hand over the girl's tawny black curls.
Their baby girl was just enamored with her Papa, and by the tears rolling down Peter's cheeks, he was just as much in love with his daughter. He hugged her as tightly as he dared, resolving to never allow his own foolish fears to come between him and his family again.
It wasn't perfect, but it was definitely a start.