Chapter Text
"It was nothing. It is nothing. Just water, some water...", he repeated over and over as quiet whispers of the liquid were shuttering the silence of the bathroom. "It was just Minecraft..." His breathy voice was also shuttering with water running down his hands.
His face was wet, little droplets gathered on his chin, trying to escape a whimpering mess that Avery was right now. For a moment he stopped breathing, gathering the courage to...
Splash!
The face once again met cool water. Avery stopped breathing. This irrational fear of water substituting air in his lungs, fear of them burning, aching, trying to execute the most basic function... This was unbearable. Avery's vision blurred once again.
He grabbed a nearest towel with his shaky hands and wiped his face, only then he finally took a sharp breath. Ironically, his eyes began to water. "Why, why, why… It was just fucking Minecraft!" he screamed, his head in his hands as he sat on the cold bathroom floor.
The water still ran, quietly making him go insane (if he already wasn't).
"Hi, Derek, you ok?" Avery said entering the rented apartment of his friend.
"Hello, yeah, I'm feeling marginally better." Derek was sitting on the couch with the laptop on his lap seemingly trying to get some work done.
"Great! I hope ya didn't change your mind" Avery cheerfully jumped onto the couch beside Derek, looking at him expectantly.
"As I already said, you are always welcome here, regardless of reason." A kind smile appeared on his lips as he faced Avery.
"Thanks, man. I'm really sick of the dorms. My roommate is always listening to this cringe music in the middle of the night. I fear I'll hear it in my nightmares someday." He yawned, sleepily stretching.
"Then you should go ready yourself to sleep. You look quite tired."
"Oh, already sending me off to bed?" The smug smile appeared on Avery's face as he leaned closer to Derek. "You really like sleeping with me, don't you?"
"Of course I do, Avery. And I'm aware it brings you comfort as well." Derek's own slightly smug smile appeared, as he continued to type something.
"Yeah, whatever", Avery brushed it off, standing up and heading to the bathroom.
It was a couple of months after the New Year's Eve. After having a complete mental breakdown because of Derek's supposed death, he somehow tracked down his address, called an ambulance and got there to support him. All in the same night of the 1st of January of 2026. The year sure started rough. But after that it was a couple of weeks of visiting Derek at the hospital (almost every day). It was quite hard for them to cope with everything that had happened, Avery was desperately helping his friend in every way he could. The next couple of weeks he spent practically living with Derek, helping him recover from long malnourishment, easing his migraines with his banter. They even slept together in the same bed, as Derek was having constant nightmares and really needed support of the only person that will ever understand even a fraction of what he went through. Avery was happy that he could be that person for Derek. Afterall, he almost gave up his life for the future of the world. And, of course, Derek himself, his intelligence and kindness and patience were just too appealing, Avery just couldn't leave the guy alone after all of that.
Well, Avery's extended stay was the reason why he's got his own stuff at the apartment, like a toothbrush, some towels and spare clothes.
He locked the bathroom door, took his clothes off, and directed his attention to the showerhead mounted to the wall over the bathtub. For a couple of moments he was just standing there, looking at the tap, chewing on the inside of his cheek and mentally preparing himself for the water. Something that he now had to deal with daily.
"It's okay, breathe in and out..." He thought to himself and got into the bathtub. He slowly took the showerhead, which thankfully was detachable, directed it away from himself and turned the water on. The sound of the running water still unnerved him and feeling it on his skin still sent the chills down his spine. But he was okay.
Taking a deep breath he turned the showerhead towards himself. The water quickly ran down his chest to his stomach and legs. He got used to this.
He quickly showered carefully avoiding getting water on his face and only sometimes noticing himself holding his breath. It was okay. The main challenge was to wash his hair. It was good that he didn't have to do it every day, but it was still inevitable and troublesome.
Having gathered some courage, he turned the shower back on. Firstly he just tried to stand there, with his head under the shower. He failed miserably.
His breathing rapidly quickened as soon as he felt the water touch his face. Even streams of water were running down his forehead, his cheeks, wetting his eyes, only barely avoiding his airways. He was hyperaware of every little drop of water that slowed down between his lips, as if trying to pry them open and make their way inside. He tried, he really tried to steady his breathing and his rapid thoughts, but with every second the memory of his lungs burning became more vivid.
"Ok, th-that's enough" his shaky thoughts escaped, he turned off the water in panic. After a few breaths he shampooed his hair that wasn't quite wet enough, but that had to do.
Again.
This time in order to avoid having a panic attack he just settled on holding his breath and just finishing as quickly as possible. After doing so he nearly jumped out of the shower, dried himself off and brushed his teeth. After getting dressed in his comfy pajamas he left the room with a towel on his shoulders.
Derek was in the kitchen, drinking tea.
"Are you okay?" He said, after directing his gaze on Avery, that had walked into the kitchen and sat across from him.
"Uhm, yeah, why?" Fuck, thought Avery, as his voice was still kinda shaky.
"You just look a bit scared". There was a slight worry in Derek's gaze.
"Nah, I'm okay, just sleepy". He yawned when he acknowledged that.
"Okay." Derek's calm response sent shivers down the other's spine. Thankfully, Derek didn't notice it, as he got up from the table to the countertop to refill his cup of tea. "Do you want some tea?"
"No, thanks."
Instead of returning to his seat Derek stood next to Avery. "Did you rinse off your hair?" He studied it with his gaze and then gently brushed it, feeling some leftover shampoo in his hand. "It's definitely still soapy".
"Ah, yeah it's ok, I'll just wipe it off" Avery almost choked on his words. He grabbed the towel and started going through his hair. Embarrassment clang to his chest, his face was probably red.
"You still should rinse it off one more time."
"No!" With only a thought of getting his head under water again Avery began to panic, resulting in a definitely sharper and faster response than he expected. "S-sorry, no, I don't feel like it. I'd better get into bed, I really wanna sleep". Avery was actively avoiding eye contact and laughing nervously, as Derek was hovering over him with a worried expression.
"Avery, is something wrong?"
"No, I said, it's ok. Look I'm just tired, man, and I was kinda sloppy, is it a crime?" He afterall had some courage to face Derek, trying to maintain a neutral expression of someone who is not panicking over some water.
"Avery, please, I know when you are lying and how you behave when troubled. I'm just worried about you." Derek tried to look reassuring, he took Avery's hand, so that maybe the other wouldn't escape so easily. Physical touch also usually could calm both of them down.
"I know, I know, but it's nothing, really." He felt like he himself was hammering nails through his heart by lying to Derek.
"Then why do you look like a cat on hot bricks?" Derek squeezed his hand a bit. Avery looked at their hands, debating if he should finally tell his friend about another embarrassing consequence of that night.
He truly didn't know how he managed to hide it from Derek, who could read Avery like an open book. Maybe because in the beginning there was a clear reason for them to be on edge all the time, then he got lucky that Derek wasn't so attentive. But now, when Derek is doing a bit better it's inevitable that he has to tell him about this. He knew this from the beginning, but he really didn't want to load his friend with his minor panic attacks from water, when Derek was recovering from months long malnutrition, constant migraines and PTSD.
"Okay… I’ll tell you, but it’s stupid and I don’t want you-"
“Avey, if you are so anxious about it, then it isn’t stupid.” Derek put a hand on the other’s shoulder, his gaze was firm.
Avery sighed. "Yeah…” And finally gathered his courage to say: “I'm kinda... scared of water."
"Why didn't you tell me sooner?" Derek leaned down to be on the same level as Avery, now gripping both of his hands, brows furrowed in concern.
"Well, what was I supposed to say? That I'm having panic attacks from water because of a fucking game?" Avery felt a lump in his throat that was already resulting in his teary eyes and a raised voice.
"Avery, you were in a trance, and that state was far from just a game. You were drowning yourself repeatedly during the span of 12 hours." After hearing the sentence Avery finally snapped, tears streaming down his face, his breathing was shaky and his sobs tear through the quiet atmosphere of the apartment. Memories were burning up in his head.
"Sorry, it's okay. Just... Please, don't downplay your problems." Derek hugged Avery, trying to calm him.
"Well, you definitely have some bigger ones compared to mine." Avery firmly gripped the other's back, trying to ground himself.
"Don't compare them either. You are important to me Avery, and I'm a fool for not noticing your pain sooner." Derek felt as if a dagger was digging into his heart. How could Avery simply disregard his own problems and emotions? But Derek knew, from the infinite knowledge burned into his head, he knew how and precisely why Avery disregarded his personal problems throughout all his life.
"You already have a lot on your shoulders."
"You have as well, Avery, and you are still helping me through mine, please, let me help you through yours". Derek pulled away, now looking into the other's teary eyes expectantly, silently asking for his trust.
"Thank you, Derek". Said Avery, as he once again pulled Derek into a hug, feeling his firm grip on his back and nestling his face in the crook of the other's neck.
They were sitting like that for a couple of minutes, before their breathing calmed down. Avery pulled away, drying his tears with a towel that was barely lying on the chair.
"Do you feel better?"
"Yeah, like the weight was lifted off my shoulders." Avery sighed contentedly.
"Then let's wash your hair properly". Said Derek, standing up and giving an inviting hand.
"Okay."
Avery was so thankful for him.