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Rui Kamishiro had always admired Tsukasa Tenma’s ability to disappear. Not in the way most people would think.
Not because Tsukasa was good at pretending. Tsukasa was actually terrible at pretending.
He was loud, honest and obvious. Most of the time.
If Tsukasa was happy, everyone knew. If he was annoyed, everyone knew. If he was excited, everyone knew.
There was never a need to question what Tsukasa felt. Or that's what Rui thought.
He threw himself forward. Completely, and always without hesitation.
That was why Rui had told him before.
“Don’t just act the role. Understand it".
Because Rui knew Tsukasa’s strength. He didn’t create emotions by calculating them.
He created them by feeling them.
By reaching into himself and finding something that connected.
Rui thought that was beautiful.
He still did.
But now…
Now he wondered if he had unknowingly shown Tsukasa a door. And someone else had pushed him too far through it.
Rui remembered.. He remembered every moment.
He remembered watching Sakaki work with Tsukasa.
Rui thought it was just another way of improving. Another better technique or a different approach. Feeling was the key, was it not?
Tsukasa would only learn more.
Rui was right, but there were changes.
Slow and quiet, but they were present.
The difference was hard to notice because Tsukasa was still Tsukasa. He still laughed. Still shouted. Still made ridiculous declarations. Still acted like the world was waiting for his next performance.
But Rui noticed the pauses and the empty looks.
The moments where Tsukasa came back from a scene but looked like part of him was still somewhere else.
The way he started carrying emotions from characters long after the curtain closed.
Sakaki had made hm dig into things that hurt. Things he had buried.
Being forgotten.
Never being enough.
Memories connected to his childhood. To his family. To the loneliness he never admitted.
And the worst part? Tsukasa seemed to be accepting it.
Because it worked.
“Again.”
The word echoed through the theater. Rui stood at the side of the stage.
Watching.
Tsukasa repeated the scene.
Again. And again, and then again.
Every movement was perfect. The emotions were there. The audience would have been amazed.
Rui was too and ...that was the problem.
Tsukasa had become incredible. But Rui couldn’t celebrate, not when he knew what was underneath.
Finally, Tsukasa stopped and turned around, immediately smiling.
“Rui!”
That smile. So bright and familiar?
“What did you think?”
Rui didn’t answer immediately. Tsukasa tilted his head.
“Hmm? Did I leave you speechless?”
Normally, Rui would have teased him, he would have laughed.
Instead, he said:
“Are you okay?”
The question made Tsukasa pause. Only for a second.
Then he laughed. "Of course I am.”
Rui stared. That answer...that automatic answer.
“You didn’t even think about it.”
“Think about what?”
“Whether you’re okay.”
Tsukasa blinked. Rui looked at him again.
“You decided the answer, Tsukasa-kun”
It was quiet for a split second, but then Tsukasa smiled again.
“I’m fine, Rui.”
Rui felt his chest tighten, he had heard that too many times.
“Do you remember what I told you?”
Tsukasa looked confused.
“What?”
“About acting.” Rui looked down.“I told you to understand the character.”
Tsukasa’s expression softened.
“Yes.”
“I told you not to just imitate them.”
“Yes.”
“I told you to feel what they feel.”
"So I did", Tsukasa nodded, slowly. "I did exactly what you said.”
That hurt.
Because Tsukasa wasn’t blaming him. He wasn’t angry. He was just stating a fact.
“I finally understood.” Tsukasa continued. "I have finally reached that level.”
Rui’s expression hardened. "No.”
Tsukasa stopped.
“This is not the way.” Rui looked away, he could not keep looking at Tsukasa. "You are hurting yourself".
Tsukasa looked away. "You misunderstand, Rui.”
“You don’t even hear it anymore.”
“Hear what?”
“How you talk.” Rui stepped closer. "You talk like the pain was just a tool.”
Tsukasa’s eyes narrowed.
“The method helped me.”
Rui went silent. There it was. The answer he was not prepared to hear.
The thing Tsukasa truly believed.
“I improved.” Tsukasa said. "I have become better.”
“I know.”
“Then why are you upset?”
Because Rui couldn’t explain it. He wasn’t upset that Tsukasa grew.
He was upset because Tsukasa thought the only way forward was through suffering.
“Because I am watching you disappear.”
Tsukasa went quiet.
Rui’s voice lowered. "I am watching you become so focused on becoming the character and hurting yourself that sometimes I can not tell where you end and they began.”
A pause. "And you still smiled.”
Tsukasa looked down.
“You still acted like everything was normal.”
The smile on Tsukasa’s face weakened.
“But I know you're hurt, Tsukasa-kun.” Rui’s voice cracked slightly. "Everyone else sees the star. The loud one and the happy one".
Silence.
“The one who always says he’ll become the greatest.” Rui looked at him once again.
“But I know there’s more and I know there’s a part of you that’s tired.”
Tsukasa looked away.
“And I know you hide it because you think everyone needs you to keep shining.”
Tsukasa didn't respond immediately. But then..
“I’m sorry.” Tsukasa looked away. "I can’t say I won’t do it again.”
Rui stared and Tsukasa continued.
“If it wasn’t for that training method…” His voice became quiet. "I wouldn’t have been able to improve.”
Rui closed his eyes, he hated that he understood.
“I can’t deny what it gave me.” Tsukasa said. "I can’t pretend it meant nothing.”
“I’m not asking you to pretend.” Rui responded immediately. "I’m asking you to stop acting like it is the only way.”
Tsukasa shook his head. "But it worked.”
“That doesn’t make it right.”
“It made me better.”
“It hurts you.”
“It made me better.”
The repetition was what broke Rui because Tsukasa wasn’t listening anymore. Not because he didn’t care, but because he cared too much.
He cared so much about reaching his dream that he couldn’t see what he was sacrificing.
“You really believe that.” Rui whispered.
“Yes.” No hesitation.
And that was the answer. Everything went silent.
Two people who understood each other better than almost anyone. And somehow… still couldn’t reach each other.
Rui could almost see behind Tsukasa’s smile.
He could see the fear and the guilt and the exhaustion.
The part of him that was still a child who wanted to be seen.
But seeing wasn’t enough.
Knowing wasn’t enough.
Because Tsukasa still stood there. Still smiling and believing. Still telling himself that if it made him better…
Then it was worth it.
And Rui hated that he was the person who once told him to open that door.
Because now he was standing on the other side of it and calling Tsukasa’s name ... but it was not enough to reach him.