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Negotiations are always tense, stressful and annoying. Negotiations with the Autobots even more so. Despite what Starscream claimed, he was not the most exhausted, that title belonged to Shockwave.
As a double agent Shockwave was doing twice the work as his peers. He had to be at the negotiation table as Longarm Prime ‘fighting’ for the Autobots, and at night he was Megatron’s third in-command. He was doing everything in his power to give the Decepticons the advantage while also perfectly faking the opposite.
He was tired and he couldn’t act like it because Ultra Magnus would get suspicious. And Blurr for that matter, he was sending the agent out on missions just so he wouldn’t catch on to anything. As soon as these negotiations were over, he was retiring as Longarm and taking time off as Shockwave.
Seriously, if Starscream complained about his exhaustion he was going to throw him in a blackhole. He wasn’t the one waking up before the sun rose for an impromptu meeting in the library.
“Thank you for meeting me,” said Optimus, “Especially at this time.”
This meeting was stupidly early because while Longarm Prime had the day off, Shockwave did not.
“Of course, you said you have important information you wish to share.” If it was anyone else Shockwave would have denied the meeting, but this was Optimus Prime, he rarely if ever gave him faulty information. He was smart for an Autobot.
“Yes, I have reason to believe Lord Megatron has feelings for me.”
Oh Primus, “Is that so?”
“Yes Sir, I created a presentation for you.”
If someone were to shoot him right now, he might just thank them. Optimus wasn’t a bad looking mech by any means, he was a fighter and Shockwave knew that he was somewhat in Lord Megatron’s orbit. The Prime was pretty darn preceptive, if he said Megatron liked him then he was probably right.
“That is a bold claim, I hope your evidence matches it.”
“I believe it does Longarm Prime,” Optimus set up a projector, putting in a disk, “I have organized this in chronological order so the evidence may seem insufficient but trust me it builds to a bigger picture.”
He was about to learn way too much about his lord’s love life. Shockwave supposed this is what he signed up for when he became head of intelligence but still this was a bit much.
“Understood, please begin.”
Optimus nodded and clicked to the first slide which was bullet points, “I would like to begin with context, me and my team are on repairs duty. Seeing as the ships are in good shape there wasn’t much for us to do. To keep in fighting form, I visit the sparring arena. That is where I became sparring partners with Lord Megatron.”
Frag this is worse than he thought, “How often do you two spar?”
“About once every three solar cycles.” Optimus clicked to the next slide, “Given that I rarely best him and at most give him a few dents I believe him choosing me as a sparring partner is a sign of his regard.”
“You bested him in a spare?” Shockwave interrupted.
“Only recently.” The fact that he managed that feat was far more impressive than the Prime was giving credit to.
“Optimus, Megatron is no easy foe if you managed to beat him even once than he is right to take you as a sparring partner.”
“Then I suppose none of this can be classified as romantic intent.”
“No, I don’t believe so,” never mind that sparring was a common form of courtship among Decepticons. Or the fact he probably did the sexiest thing he could do to Megatron.
“Then I shall skip ahead,” he skipped past five slides, and Shockwave could have sworn for a nanoclick one of the slides was a picture of Megatron’s servo on Optimus’s aft. “Upon learning about my interest in history he gave me access to his private library.”
Shockwave was really too busy because how did he miss that. That Library was so private that not even he had access to it.
“That’s very nice of him,” he said as condescendingly as possible.
“Sir, surely you realized this isn’t anything ordinary.”
“I see you have formed a friendship with him.”
“I really do believe he is trying to court me,” Optimus clicked to the next slide, “Five decacycles ago we were in the Inco forest.”
“What were you doing there?” if he said fragging Shockwave was actually going to kill Megatron. All the advantages he worked so hard for the Decepticons would be gone. Ultra Magnus could ask for anything in exchange for Optimus. Not that that would happen, but it was getting scarily close to reality.
“Sparring, apparently there is an ancient stone there that you spare on to know if the other’s intentions are true,” that was a courting ritual, not that Optimus knew it.
“I thought we moved passed sparring.”
“Right sir, I bring this up because we were attacked by cyber-wolfs. We fought them off, but my leg was badly damaged. Lord Megatron carried me to his breth, there his top medic treated me. Now he claimed it was closer than the medic bay, but I suspect there is more at play.”
That was an understatement, it was taking everything in Shockwave to keep his composure, “Lord Megatron is not the type to let mechs be pointlessly injured if he states that is the reason then we best believe it.”
Optimus raised an eyebrow which was fair, he was hardly acting like an intelligence officer, much less the head of the department. “If you say so sir.”
“I do, if that is all I best be leaving,” and kicking Megatron in the aft for making his job ten times harder.
“Longarm, I really do think Lord Megatron likes me.”
“Clearly you two are becoming friends, this will make the negotiations easier, good job soldier,” Shockwave needed more sleep before dealing with this.
“Romantically,” Optimus snapped clicking through a few slides, “He sent me this, his exact words being this made me think of you.”
It was an erotic poem. An explicit poem using smithery as a metaphor for sex. It was long, filthy, and downright pornographic.
“Are you sure this wasn’t said as a joke.” Optimus flipped through six more slides with poems that were fortunately tamer but still of the same genre.
“Decepticons are known for their dryer tones and their crass humor,” Shockwave felt desperate for saying it.
“He wrote the last one,” well that explained the sword metaphor.
“I will be honest while Autobots often show their affection through poems for Decepticons it is much more of a source of humor than anything.”
“He can bite my axe if this is a joke.”
“Now, now this is just a cultural misunderstanding, don’t take it to personally, just be honored that Megatron felt close enough to share this with you,” great he was starting to sound like Lugnut. At least he didn’t add glorious leader.
Defeated, Optimus sat down, “I can’t help but think I have misinterpreted all of our interactions.”
“I am more than happy to put them in the right context.”
“He gave me a battle axe.” Slideshow flipped to an image of a beautiful grey and purple axe. If he wasn’t crazy that axe came from his lord’s personal collection.
“I’m guessing the engraving means courage.”
“You’re right, truly a lovely gift for a friend,” it actually meant beloved, “Anything else?”
“Not much,” the mech looked truly depressed, “Just looks I kept misinterpreting. You know I really thought he was courting me, you must think I’m crazy, but I really thought he was going to ask to bond. I should get my processors checked.”
“Well, if that is all.”
“Test something out for me,” Optimus had a dangerous look to his optics, “If Lord Megatron were to like an Autobot enough to bond with them it would strength the treaty, and we both want this treaty even if negotiations are pain, it’s what’s best for our people. I may be wrong about Megatron’s feelings, but I know he cares for his people. He’s well educated and knows the ways of the Autobots so maybe he is-”
“He likes seekers,” Shockwave cut him off, “Lord Megatron has always liked seekers he has yet to show a preference for other bots much less truck bots. Even if he did like you what would we gain by one of our Primes leaving us?”
“We could get full protection of the neutral planets.”
Right, Autobots wanted the right to defend anything that Decepticons so much as glared at. As if some power-hungry freak wasn’t going to abuse it and start another war.
“That be great if he actually had any feelings for you.”
“That would be something,” Optimus muttered staring into his lap.
“Right…” Shockwave paused, did he want Megatron or an advantage for the Autobots. It was getting hard to tell with how sad he was looking. “You really thought he liked you.”
“He told me I was going to have beautiful sparklings someday.”
“It is natural for Decepticons to tell each other they’ll have strong offspring, I imagine he changed the word to fit autobots’ sensibilities.” Something was bothering Shockwave, he understood Megatron liked the Autobot, but he was failing to see why he was going this hard for someone who wouldn’t be a good fit for Kaon.
Then it clicked with him. As Longarm he received reports that Optimus and his team were exploring Kaon. As Shockwave he received reports of autobots helping out at orphanages, traveling to the mountains to heal bots, and general repairs across the city.
“Has your team been active in Kaon?”
“We been helping out here and there.”
So that’s why Megatron was this hung up on him. Oh Primus, this disgraced Prime was going to be his future superior, “That’s very noble of you and your team.”
“Thank you, I apologized for taking up your time.”
“It’s no problem, I’m happy to help.”
“Have you shared this information with anyone else?” If he shared this with Ultra Magnus it was all over for them, they were absolutely losing every concession they had.
“No sir.”
“Given the false conclusion you should keep it to yourself.”
“Yes sir.”
Shockwave nodded watching Optimus leave. He picked up the clicker; there were twenty slides left. He had a Decepticon meeting and that was going to be a helmache and a half. At least he had blackmail.
Now if he could convince Ultra Magnus to propose a conjunx contract to strengthen the treaty. That way it was on the Autobots to propose it and the advantage was to the Decepticons. The only problem was making sure Megatron didn’t bond with the Prime before then.