Chapter Text
General POV:
...It is quiet in the dusk of Faraway Town.
...A little boy has been sleeping here for a very, VERY long time.
The TV has been left turned on in that boy's living room, which is quite a sight, given that it's happnely only once in a while. Perhaps, he was tired of watching Captain Spaceboy reruns as of late, and that reboot of Sweetheart's Quest for Hearts was definitely nightmare fuel. In Channel 55, it quickly reverted over out of a commercial break, the latest showing support for Orange Joe, turning back to an old documentary of Faraway Town. Dressed in a tuxedo, the reporter asks, ".....Are we clear?", before whispers run about and he says, "Alright.". Coughing his throat, he begins to speak:
".....And that concludes about the tourist attractions of Faraway Town. Now.....let's get down to even deeper depths of this mundane town, especially about its.....radioactive origins.
Here, five miles away from the natural forests surrounding this town, lies what used to be the town's power source back in 1955, a radioactive, nuclear power plant of desolate nature, hidden deep in the woods. Back then, everyone had loved it, it produced more than enough electricity, bills were at their lowest, and the people were more than happy enough to let it go through..........However, a terrible cataclysm had happened in late 1965, just a month before Former CEO Douglas Thorne would raise his announced 10th anniversary celebration. Just before the staff could manage to celebrate in the breakroom, some freak accident happened outside of the security system, appearing to have been a technical malfunction in Electrical Unit 6. Only about 50 of the 427 people working there have managed to escape with their lives intact, and about 20 of those people had suffered from radiation exposure. The cause is still yet unknown, with a profound lack of evidence, yet all fingers appeared to have pointed at Mr. Thorne, given his 'prioritization of profit over safety values', as claimed by survivors and their peers. Eventually, as expected, the town quickly abandoned it for more favorable methods to get their wonderful electricity, and the infamous Mr. Thorne has been placed in Closeby Jail, though, for many of the elders in Faraway Town, it feels more like a hollow victory......The site's been rotting ever since, fenced and barricaded up, the radiation still having minor leaks that many have classified to be a death trap.
Warning to all who behold and loom into the depths of Faraway Town.....No matter where you choose to live, or regardless of how long your stay might be......
Beware of the Faraway Chemical Plant. It is a DEATH TRAP.....
..........
And now, back to the weather with Prof. Lilli! Lilli?"
The TV keeps spouting about with the weather forecast, usual as ever in Faraway Town, where nothing of the unusual ever happens............
Outside the town, however, in the Deep Woods, the Faraway Chemical Plant looms about.
Faraway Town is quite a nice, little town, but it's quite surrounded by forestal life besides its exits, entrances, and highways, life that presents many dangers to its people, especially the youth who dare trek across these lands. Fences loom about the green mist of the radioactive waste left behind in that fatal site, as the once-pristine steel rusts and decays, stone cracking bit by bit, leaving holes big enough for the red-eyed stank of passing rodents to come through, teeth sharp and fur shriveled up. Within the abandoned site, it was nothing short of a radioactive hell.
Rows of rows of catwalks are from the first to seventh floors, looking much like a cascading puzzle of spirals, if one were to walk to the center and look upwards. Green mist arises from whatever toxic sludge was left behind in the accident, spoiling the atmosphere inside, thankfully restrained from going any further by added restraints towards the doors and windowsills. Machinery left abadoned and electrical wires chewed up by the foolish rats and whatever animals dare enter, it was an imminent ticking time bomb, ready to be set up.
Atop the tallest catwalk lied a cracked, rusted barrel of toxic sludge was left standing around ever since it was abandoned, time having decayed its all-supposed-lasting material........as it was only a matter of short time before the rats could chew through the dense steel.
Rats were merely playing aboust with their food, dragging it thorugh the holes and dainty little cracks and chewing on spoiled berries and cheese and whatever small prey they could lie their jaws upon, blood drooling across the floor. Two rats, we shall call them, Luke and Adalie, are arguing at the top, skittering and squealing in that rat-language that no human can decipher, with Luke holding one and a half pieces of cheese, the half being that Luke "stole" from her....
Luke: Dude, I can take that cheese all I want! It's my junk on my steel!
Adalie: What?! No, you can't take mine!! That was your junk on your side! And you stole half of mine!!
Luke: No, I didn't!
Adalie: Yes, you did!
Luke: What do you know-?!
Adalie: IT'S NOT PROPER GARBAGE ETIQUETTE!!
Luke: Stay the f*ck on your side!! This is f*cking garbage we're eating here, there's-a no such thing as etiquette for eating garbage!!
Adalie: Maybe try to have some goddamn decency! We're rats, but it's not like we can't have some manners!!
Luke: Oh, ya wanna be polite?! I'll show ya f*cking polite!! Gragh!!
Luke punches Adalie right in the lower left jaw.......as she breathes, coughs, looks away.....and does a roundhouse right to Luke's nose, as some of the other rats notice, with even a few, that being Luke's bro, Jackson, and Adalie's fellow holemate, Mika, trying to hold them back, causing an eventual struggle that ended up in Adalie turning around, tail in a whipping motion that struck Luke right in the eye. Crashing right into the barrel, the material finally gave away, as the giant barrel twisted, tipped some liquid out.......and finally fell, as a violent tsunami of radioactive sludge came pouring down the catwalks right onto the floor. The unfortunate rats and animals on the ground floor didn't even stand a chance. Inside the radioactive sludge, something had changed inside the rodents' biology.
Hair began to twist its own color, a paleness coming about in the rats, teeth sharpening even more, eyes turning full-on red, tails enlarging about, their minds rotting by the influence of the sludge. The rats' claws begin to enlarge, as they shriek in agonizing pain, losing their ability to communicate by the zombie-like state of the sludge, looking around for meat to chew. And that's only for the lesser animals. Outside of the factory, the sludge begins to affect each and every single thing around them, mutating them to imaginative and outlandish degrees, with only those at the top of the food chain having limited mutations. Bunnies began to grow several, small limbs, discolored and made to look like spider legs, becoming wild and skittering throughout the floors and walls, crashing through the already-decayed windows. Plants became alive, carnivorous, even, some enlaging and taking the camoflauge as striped watermelons, with one small leaf being the "leader", growing upwards and becoming carnivorous as he growled and roared, leading the plants away to gather some real meat. Insects became mutated, looking about with a savage, even cannibalistic hunger for some, wasps enlarging while flies buzzed in agony, their wings enlarging, allowing for greater flight and speed. Wild dogs lost all of their senses, barking and losing themselves to the seething rage that consumes them bit by bit, yet all of that doesn't even compare to those larger than them, especially the bears.......as they groaned in agony, glow a full-on red across their outline, becoming ANGRY, their fur more disheveled and teeth and claws sharpened, looking around with nothing more than meat to chew and the sadism of tearing out one's face off.
A rat by the second catwalk, an rat of easily-anxious nature, wearing a small prop mini-hat, from one of those small vendor stands around those giant buildings where the humans would play baseball, asked, "Uhhhhhh.......David? Are you alr-AAAAAHHHH!!", as one of the infected rats jumped up with quick ease, tearing through flesh and crunching through bones. Mutated animals of all kinds began to tear off the catwalks and surround the entire ground floor, as Jackson and Luke stare at one another at the top of the peak, horrified at what is unfolding right in front of their eyes, synchronously screaming:
"DEATHRATS!!!!!"
Luke screamed, "F*CK THIS, EVERY RAT FOR HIMSELF!!", as the four of them scuttled across the collapsing upwards catwalk, the foundations beginning to tear by the Rare Bears crashing open the steel beams. With no more time left, Jackson grabbed Luke and the others by his tail, roping around their other tails like a lasso, as he screamed, "HANG ON!!". Everything became silent as the catwalk collapsed and Jackson leaped with whatever strength he had left, the others staring down in vertigo, holding on for dear life as they see all their rodent friends become consumed by their own, that or the predators ambushing them in the shadows. Jackson then landed roughly, his claws being scratched across the rough surface of a pipe, heading upwards the pipe, looking at an open window at the top......that is, until he came across a weak point in the metal.
"AAAUGH!!", Jackson screamed, as the RV heating pipe bent loose, letting out flammable hydrogen that nearly closed up Luke, Adalie, and Mika's throats, as it spread throughout the entire facility.
"JACK!!", they all screamed, their faces being quite near the gaping claws of a Rare Bear, as it roared and attempted to close the distance between it and the three dangling rodents.
"NO F*CKING TIME!! Blame me later!", as Jackson jumped the gap of the bent pipe and ran upwards as fast as he can, the jaws of the Rare Bear nearly slamming upon them.
Jackson then jumped through the open window, just before the hydrogen gas began to travel through the closed door.......of the boiler room, as the females screamed. Luke, seeing no other option but to jump for dear life and hope that they don't crack their necks open on the fall, then loosened his tail away from Jackson's, telling everyone, "On the count of 3, jump, ok?! One....Two......Thr-".
BOOOOOOOMMMMMM!!!!!
...............
...............L.....u..........Luke........LUKE......
Jackson: Luke, WAKE UP!!
Luke: GAAAAHH!!!........I......Are we alright?
Jackson: Luke.......Bro......I wanna let you know how F*CKING stupid you were back there. We ALMOST died!!
Luke: Are you serious?! A-Adelie was the one who started all of this!!
Adalie: Hey, don't you pin this on me!! I'm not the one who stole MY food!
Micah: U-uh……Guys…….
Luke: Oh, f*ck you, girl! Go eat your own sh*t!
Adalie: That's a bodily function we all have, dumb*ss!!
Jackson: This doesn't change a goddamn thing right now!! Right now, we just unleashed a goddamn nuclear catastrophe and now, nearly all of our friends are dead!!
Luke: You don't know that!! Maybe they survived!
Adalie: Yea, ok! Yea, let's just pretend that the guy who caused all this is also the guy who's trying to be the "optimstic hero"! Yea, suck a d*ck!
Mika: Guys.....
Luke: Hey, that's fucking homophobic!! And I'll have you know that we all have occasional gay moments, hypocrite!!
Jackson: Ok, this is getting REALLY off-topic!!
Luke: Yea, like that time we both saw Adalie having you and Mika in a GODDAMN THR-!
Mika: GUYS!!!
Luke, Jackson, and Adalie: WHAT?!
Mika doesn't even bother to respond. Slapping her own forehead, she merely points to what appears to be a gaping hole in the wall, already torn out from aging and now the radioactive waste.......which is heading throughout the Deep Woods....
Luke:.......I don't know about you guys, but I'm about to go see what's all that gunk heading towards...
Adalie: WHAT?! Oh hell no, you get back here, we're not done yet!
Jackson: Luke, what are you doing?! You're gonna drop dead if ya get close!!
As the rats began to scuttle further deep in the woods, or rather, as Adalie and the others chase Luke, the radioactive waste was unfortunately too fast for them, the slopes of the hills allowing the waste to easily slide through and contaminate everything around the sludge, while the rats grow slow and weary from exhaustion. About five miles away from the rats.......a quintet of naturally-growing turnips are embedded within the dirt.......That's when they began to change.
The turnips shook, their vegetable, inanimate bodies......becoming animate, roots being pulled out on their own. White and purple exteriors began to turn into brown, their shape becoming more of a teardrop, and the roots began to smoothen out, gathering together and forming two stubby feet for each. The sludge had began to fizz on the leaves of the turnips, leaving only a dainty sprout carrying about two leaves for each turnip. The radioactive sludge then began to change them.....internally, infusing with their roots to create a natural nervous system, the turnips gaining sentience, all the while the interiors of the turnips turned more hollow, no longer having the vegetable material that's been violently coughed out by the turnips, but rather a full-on, specialized digestive system that allows them to eat without the need to poop it out. With a new nervous system beginning to form inside them, each of them sprouted outs two black dots for eyes, and a mouth with a tongue and actual teeth to chew..........as they woke up and screamed a whine out of being.....well, alive for the first time.
Turnip #2: W-w-what?! I-I'm speaking?! I-I can speak words?!
Turnip #3: W-where even are we?!?!
Turnip #4: I-I don't know! Maybe if I knock myself out, I'll turn back to normal!!
The fourth turnip then pathetically began to try and knock himself onto the bark of a random tree, only for two problems to occur with one knocking themselves out in this place. One: the turnip's body didn't exactly bring enough kinetic force to knock itself out. Two:.......The tree's already dead, with the rough bark being softened and decaying out.
Turnip #1: O-ok, j-just calm down! Apparently, we can talk, walk, and speak words that somehow seems natural to us..........And we're lost.....
Turnip #5: Hey, why not that little town over there?
They all then turned about, seeing.....some weird, little thingamabob stopping them from reaching further, a giant wall made out of metal wires. On the other side, they see........darkness, except for a few standalone panels being brightened by mechanisms they have no idea about, including tons of weird, blue little panels at the edge of this weird, little land. Seeing not many options to cross the barrier, the turnips began to climb on top of one another, with the fifth ready to leap for his life and hope he doesn't splatter on the landing.........Only for the first turnip, the one unfortunately at the bottom, balancing four of his fellow folks, whatever they are, to then notice a small, little tear, as he walked away, causing the other four to land down.
Turnips #2-5: Hey!!
Turnip #1: Hang on, I think I found another way in there.....
Sucking in whatever gut he had, the first turnip then squeezed through the hole in the fence, popping out of the other side, with another weird panel, one made out of smoothened steel, somehow sticking to this barricade. It appears to have words......that none of them can understand, not having an ounce of reading skill in them. Squeezing in, they begin to explore this outlandish place, one made out of weird squares with brick coverings on the top, with the other locations being rectangles with giant, see-through glass embedded at the front, almost as if they want people to look inside, making their newly-developed "thinking machines" all fogged up. Eventually, they then saw an open panel, glowing bright with blue light. Looking inside, they see.......a weird space inside, one with dark-red walls, multiple rectangles, one apparently made out of wood, coupled with a weird wooden instrument, a white sheet with scribbles on it, and a cushioned-looking sitting-machine, and the other panelled with glass nearby a comfortable-looking sleeping-machine, given that they see two weird figures sleeping inside. The smaller figure has weird brown "sprouts on her left side", looking really smooth while the other side is kinda bare, with red square-shaped things holding glass panels on her face, a blue top for her upper body, long blue coverings for her legs, and brown, thick coverings for her feet, making the turnips really confused. The larger, admittedly fatter one, wears a red covering over another black covering over his belly, and has a lot of weird "sprouts" all over his body, from his arms to even his lower jawline. They see various green life of all kinds, appearing to be as inaminate as they once were, furniture they can't even begin to identify, and the source of the bright light:......a large, blocky panel showing a weird show called "NFL", whatever that means.
Turnip #1:.......Do you think that this weird square will give us the answers we need?
Turnip #5: I dunno. But I don't think we're gonna get any luck watching it in peace if those two are around.
Turnip #2: Ok, ok.......I got an idea.
Turnip #1: Hey! I thought I was the plan-maker here.
Turnip #2: Uh, no. You're the idea-maker. I'm the plan-maker. Big difference.
Turnip #1: What? How does that make a-
He doesn't even get to explain before Turnip #2 jumped through the open window, carefully being quiet with each step he took, hopeful as to not irritate the two inexplicable beings sleeping atop the couch. He looked around as to how he can distract them.........trying to touch every nook and cranny to see what could create a loud noise, from grabbing weird golden handles and sliding panels of brown furniture left and right, punting, on the back, the weird black thing that the two aliens are sleeping atop. Seeing that he's not gonna find a distraction here, he sneaks further to what appears to be another room with appliances that he cannot even begin to fathom, starting with the first thing that comes to his sight:.......something called "a fridge", as said from a loose price tag. He opens it and takes a peek and ponder.
Turnip #2:........Why on Earth do these aliens need a giant white box?.......Brrr, and it's so cold too. What a waste of resources.
Looking further, he sees something white atop the counter. Interested, he gathers his willpower and jumps high enough to reach the edge of the countertop with his teeth. Jumping upwards, he then finds this white thing to be some weird square-shaped thingamajig with buttons and a weird lens on the back he can't figure out. Curious, he begins to take it and press some of the random buttons with symbols he can't decipher. A weird ring tone happens......and a CLICK comes upon, hearing a voice come out of it, one that seems quite dull yet........with life, in a weird sense.
Daphne:........Welcome to Othermart's Bakery. My name is Daphne. Unfortunately, dear customer, we're closed for the night. Feel free to come back to the bakery at 8 AM tomorrow.
Turnip #2: Um.......Hi? How are you speaking?
Daphne:......Through the phone?.......I'm sorry, did you get the wrong number, or do you wish to make an online order? Because we unfortunately do not take delivery orders.
Turnip #2:......Phone? What's that?
Daphne: I'm sorry, who is this? You sound a bit.......young.
Turnip #2: Well, I was just born, so.....
Daphne:........We do not tolerate any phone scammers. Don't call this line again.
The phone goes BEEP with a deafening tone that quickly fades away.
Turnip #2: Ok, so this is a PHONE, definitely some weird tool people use to communicate or talk with one another......Maybe, I could use that to wake the two up......
He looks around to see who to call to make a loud noise......and sees a yellow book titled, "PHONE BOOK". Sensing the perfect idea, Turnip #2 looks around the pages of the book, from some local business named Othermart to Fix-It Guy's Shop to Gino's, whatever that means, and then sees a slip of paper between the pages, seeing some weird colorful paper with weird aliens in dancing poses he's never seen before, and a phone number for the title: BEST DJ PARTY EVAH!! COME CALL THIS NUMBER IF YOU WISH TO RAISE IT LOUD!! COMING TO YA: DJ AWESOMA!!
........He didn't even hesitate. Beeping sounds were made with the phone's numbers being pressed, and the final button being pressed to call the number. He ran off, hid behind the couch and waited......
DJ AWESOMA: RAISE IT UP, Y'ALL!!!!!
Loud music blasts from the phone, shaking the walls of the room and the adjacent room, including the two figures, as they immediately wake up, screaming and getting their senses hit right at them.
Kim: GAH!! W-what the hell was that?
Vance: Sh*t, sh*t! Quick, the kitchen!! Help me turn it off before Mom wakes up!
The two figures run into the KITCHEN and immediately slam the phone off, panting in a mix of shock and anxiety over what their mom will do if she found out that they were eating candy and watching TV all late.
Kim: Ok, that was a close one. Let's not risk that again. C'mon, Vance, I'm not getting busted again.
Vance: Y-yeah, way ahead of ya.
The two figures immediately walk out of the kitchen and then into another room shrouded in darkness, the creaking of wood being audible as the other Turnips came out.
Turnip #3:......Are they gone? If they're not, I'm ready to rip off some leaves.
Turnip #2: Everything's fine. They're gone now. Apparently, they're scared of someone named "Mom".
Turnip #4: Heh, wow. Who would be scared of someone with such a silly name?
The other Turnips fall from the window's wooden frame, then looking at the weird square panel in front of them, seeing the boring "NFL".
Turnip #3: Ugh, this thing is boring. When is this square gonna show us something interesting?
Turnip #1: Hey, c'mon, guys. There may be some way to change this......this.......what is this?
Jumping up and looking about three inches from the front of the TV, Turnip #4 became quite confused.
Turnip #4: Um......It says that it's something called "a channel". What weird language those aliens have.
Turnip #5: Hm......Maybe there's some way to change it?
Turnip #1: Well, while those two aliens were heading to stop the noise, they did leave this behind.
Turnip #1 then used his stem to wrap around a weird black rectangle, with many, MANY buttons on it, mostly being white, with the exceptions of a few reds and blues. He immediately checks the label on it, reading TV Remote, as he becomes confused, especially when he reads something called PWR OFF. Maybe if I......Turnip #1 immediately then uses his two leaves to press atop the top-left button.....as the square becomes black.
Turnip #1: Uhhhh....Whoops?
Turnip #2-5: AAAH!!
Turnip #2: Are you nuts?! You just shut off the only answer we might have as to where we are!!
Turnip #3: Turn it back on!! Give me that!!
Turnip #1 found himself surrounded at all corners by his charging fellows, where all of them fought under a cloud of leaf slaps and throws, grabbing each other's leaves and throwing them across the floor, eventually causing the remote to fall off Turnip #1's stem and bounce across all of their heads, landing on the side with the buttons.....as the square showed a different channel.
Turnip #4: Huh? Hey....What's that say?
Turnip #5:.......Um......It says......."Cartoon Channel V". It reads, "the craziest, whackiest hijinks you'll ever see".
Turnip #4: Ooh! That sounds interesting! Lemme me watch!
Turnip #1: Uhhhh.......Weird, it's showing some weird segments. What are those called?
Turnip #2: Hang on.....Lemme see.....
Turnip #2 leans further....and further.....and further....before the TV shouted: "And now back to our Whacky, Cacky Commercials! Don't miss 'em!!", causing him to fall off the brown platform holding the TV.
Turnip #2: GAH!! That hurt!
Turnip #1: So.......they're commercials. Weird, seems that these commercials are selling weird things.......Wanna watch?
Turnip #4: Is that even a question?
Jumping atop the black platform, which was surprisingly very soft, explaining how those two aliens easily closed their eyes without waking up from Turnip #2's steps, they began to watch.....Well, most of them, as Turnip #5 found a weird, colorful, little, half-empty bag of something called "taffy".
Turnip #5: Hm? What's this?.......Looks like a bag of weird, little square thingies. Taffy? Ugh, seems like trash........Oh, well, that's what I was made to eat.
Turnip #5 pops one of the squares into his mouth.....and spits it out, tasting awful with the mouthfeel of what feels like wood.
Turnip #5: Blegh!! What is this?! Even garbage doesn't taste this.....dry!! Ugh! What is this, made of wood?!
Turnip #3 began to inspect it......seeing a loose corner of the square, unwrapping it to see.....a green square, as he said, "Hey, ya forgot to take this layer off, dumbie".
Turnip #5:........Oh. Well, lemme taste one.
Turnip #5 puts it in his mouth......and becomes enveloped in what feels like a spiral of colors unwrapping around his very vision, his tongue feeling like satisfying bolts are shooting down his taste buds, as his body unconsciously shivers.
Turnip #1: Uhhhh......Hey, are you alright-?
Turnip #5: WOOHOOO!! Tastes like sweet rain is raining down my mouth!! I gotta have more!
Turnip #5 begins to unwrap and gobble the candies, as Turnip #1 says, ".......Ok, moving on.....", as the commercials began to play.
.........Commerical Break!! (For all you watching, too bad!! Enjoy these commercials that will not be a part of this spectacular story!!.......Or will they?)
FIZZ!!
"Are you tired of your annoying friend making things difficult for you? Are they messing with you so much that you want to prank and beat the crap out of them for karma?", as a little girl is getting really pissed off at her play-date, a boy wearing orange pants and a blue shirt, for him eating the majority of her cookies called "Oreos", and winning each and every single gaming match.
"Well, now you can!! With the Friend-o-Pranker, a whole box with options of how to prank!! From a springed boxing glove to a shaving cream launcher, you'll never run outta ways to get your sweet karma!!", as a jack-in-the-box shows, fitted with all sides from all sorts of pranking options, a springed boxing glove at the top, shaving cream launcher at the right side, a fart speaker at the left side, and so forth, as the girl begins to prank the little boy over and over, much to his annoyance.
"Now selling for only $19.99!! And for a limited time only, purchase will come with free shaving cream!!", as a sale stock screen comes about, much to the Turnips' confusion.
Turnip #4:.......Why would anyone buy that?
FIZZ!
".........Well, howdy there!!", as a silent desert environment then became lively, when a rag doll popped out from the screen, one with rosy cheeks, wild hair, and dressed in a quite-eccentric cowgirl outfit, wearing the usual hat and boots, with brown leather boots and gloves fitted with spurs at the bottom to help her travel through the ground at fast speeds, and a blue skirt, wearing a vaccuum atop her back, the handle atop her hands being multi-purposed, as she showed off all her features with the bravado.
"Name's Clammity 'Calamity' Cam, the bravest and danger-est outlaw of the Outwest Wiles! All from my gold-sucking vacuum, my mini-rotor system saving me from the greatest of cliffs, and the flamethrower that is my vaccuum itself! Now, you're all wondering: What am I doing here, not running from the local sherrifs?! Well, I'm rooting out for my quest to obtain the Sacred Gold of these Wiles, but I sure could use yer help! Come on over and see if we can find that treasure ourselves!!", as a narrator voice came out, saying, "That's right, folks! For this month only, only one is chosen with their very own Clammity Cam doll to find the sacred treasure buried and hidden underneath somewhere mysterious, a place where only the most daring and adventurous folk can find! Purchase now for only $4.99!!", showing the doll itself, with the vaccuum being equipeed with a LED to show a fake flame, and a small rotor, helicopter-like system for the doll to hover about from the air.
Clammity then speaks her final words, while her theme song arrives:
"♪So, let's come on up, and see if ya can stick up right there with yer gun!!♪
♪They say look out for the Outwest Wiles, but it's all smiles and fun!!♪
♪Cause I'm the rootingest-tootingest, shootingest, dangerousest, funn-est outlaw of the OUTWEST WILES!!~♪
YEEHAW!!!"
Turnip #3:.......So, leaves up if ya agree we gotta try that sometime.
All the others turn their leaves up in agreement.
FIZZ!
A cartoon sky appears, down below, being a battlefield between two kingdoms, one red and the other blue. Swords and arrows and so forth were shooting about through pawns and knights, the title flashing the title, "War 673", as both the Blue and Red Kingdoms' armies......just groaned from exhaustion, leaving the battle midway, as they came about back to their Kings and Queens, moping about, flashing between both sides as the Blue and Red Kings and Queens asked what happened.
Blue Pawn #1: "Ugh, I'm so tired of this!! War after war, battle after battle, it's been the same f-"
Red Pawn #5: "-reaking thing!! Don't get me wrong, I like combatting our enemies, but we should try something a bit more-"
Blue Knight #55: "-pizazz! It's just moving and fighting, moving and fighting! Can't we have a bit more-"
Red Bishop #2: "-with chance? Yes, I know it sounds wrong and sinful, but we can't just-"
Blue Rook #45: "-do the same thing again after it's been, like what?! 50 years?!"
Blue King: ".......Can you please say the same thing again, this time, in full sentences?
Blue Pawn #27: I'd love to, but I'm too busy-
Red Pawn #18 (echoing about): "-moping about!!"
"Well, look no further!!", a voice shouts as the front doors of the Blue Kingdom open up, making everyone turn around to see.......a weird midget wearing makeup to have white skin, white gloves, and a grand-piano grin with tongue sticking out, all the while holding a jester-bell cane and a deck of cards.
Blue King: Who are you?
Jester: I am Jester de la Funnies, the funnista of the cards themselves!! Pick a card, any card, and decide your move!
A curious Blue Pawn takes one, being a BLOCKADE card, as a natural barrier of earth emerged in front of the pawn, protecting it, as the Blue Armies began to cheer and become interested. A montage appears, with real-life kids playing atop the board, choosing Action Cards to change positions of the player, change the board using plastic props, and so much more, with the Red Armies being persuaded to join in too. Jester turns to the screen, speaking to the Turnips.
Jester: That's right, my humble-a-daloo folks! For this moment, for only $9.99, you can choose the fate of the board and the battle between Blue and Red! Come and join us for a brawl you'll never forget! HOO-HA!!
Turnip #4: Geez, I really hope we aren't actually in the battlefield.
Turnip #3: Bah! Speak for yourself! I love me some action!
Turnip #1: Ok, moving on.....Looks like there's one more commercial. Hope this is a good one.
FIZZ!
Across the ground floor of colorful shops, a man in a full-on classy tuxedo appeared, saying, "Hey, all you nostaglic folks!! Are you wanting to see a full-on experience of being inside your actual favorite cartoon, comic, or so forth?! Well, I, Richard Donaldez, and my friend here, Edward Finkle, or 'Eddy Tinkle', as we like to call him, have started our very first start-up venture to create a spectacular masterpiece for all whose imagination is great and their sense of adventure greater: Dreamy Park!!", as the screen pans over to a full-on view of a four-acre theme park revolving around multiple regions.
Eddy Tinkle, one dressed in a red showman-like outfit with a tophat and fancy cane, then says, wrapping his shoulder around Edward's neck all friendly-like, "That's right, Rich Donald-Duck, heh heh! Here, we have just started up our first three parts of the park, and are currently in expansion right now! Our areas include.....", as the screen pans over to a spacey, sci-fi region of pink lands, floating spaceship attractions and rides, and space pirate mascots.
"Otherworld!! Based from the famous comic book series of Captain Spaceboy himself, we have created a land for all-time fans, both young and old alike!! Come meet the Space Pirates in-person, traverse across the planets with them, and defeat evil aliens with Captain Spaceboy himself!!", showing the Space Pirates, the center of the square showing an actor with pink-dyed hair, a utility belt holding a prop laser ray, Captain Spaceboy's outfit, and full-on blue body-dye, making himself look like a perfect copy of THE Captain Spaceboy.
Turnip #2: Huh, so that's the leader? Doesn't look like much.......
Turnip #1: Best keep an eye on him if we ever come there.
Eddy speaks, "Another fantastic area would be......The Forest of Secrets!! Are you looking for a place of mystery and horrors lurking about the corners? Well, this place is the right one for you. Venture out into the darkness and see what lies beyond, travel through the musty and dank caves, and beware of the many, MANY creatures that lie beyond here......Nothing is as it seems.", as the square pans over to.......a dark forestal region with spiders, people in horrific, dishevled bear costumes, and mechanicizations that blur the lines between fantasy and reality, one example being.......a POTTED PLANT with an eye on its side and spider legs to help it walk.
Turnip #5: YIKE!!! (as it jumps inside the taffy bag, trying to hide)
Turnip #1: Ok, well, that's something that I can't unsee.
Turnip #4:.......Ok, note to self: Never learn what......that is. Something tells me that is not a thing to be known about.
"And finally, our main attraction....", as Richard speaks, walking from the screen with Eddie, revealing......a pink kingdom, with a giant, pink castle, the sign reading, with Richard and Eddie announcing, "Sweetheart Land!!", with an energy that makes all of the Turnips then stop whatever they're doing, being on the edge of the black platform, leaning in to see the screen, almost as if this place is home to them.
"That's right, all you Sweetheart fans!! Not only is Sweetheart getting her own show, 'Sweetheart's Quest for Hearts', a bachelorette show where she is on a quest to find her right knights and the love of her life throughout, but her very own Kingdom!! Come and meet her in-person, dazzle in and be merry indulging in all the sweet shops she has, and find out if you're right for her very heart!!", as the screen pans over.....to a tanned woman with long, wavy, pink ponytails and a royal pink-and-red dress adorned in bows, hearts, and polka dots, a large, very noticeable pink polka dot bowtie atop her head, holding a flail with a heart-shaped head, as she cheerfully says, "OHOHOHOHO!!", looking like the most beautiful lady in existence to them, and, behind her, an army of.......beings looking exactly like the Turnips.
Sweetheart, clearing her throat, gives a beautiful smile that dazzles in the glitter and sparkles, "Hello, all my beloved subjects! I am Princess Sweetheart herself, and, as of right now, I am looking for Five Great Knights to be upon my kingdom so that I may enjoy my life with my beloved in-hand with ease! The first one should be practical, ideal, one who comes up with great ideas and always is ready to take up the task, the second one should be smart, knowledgeable, with quite the confidence in his skills, the third one should be brash, bold, and strong with a bravery that outshines whatever size and status he may hold, the fourth one should be soft, humorous in dark times, and friendly to be around, and the fifth one should be always the comedic relief, whatever that may be, one who always improvises, has a big stomach, and an even bigger heart! Ohohoho! With you five, wherever you may be, and my beloved SPROUT MOLES, I cannot wait to see what the true love of my life is!! Thank you all so much, and please, enjoy my Kingdom!", as the screen goes back to Richard and Edward, smiling.
Edward speaks, "And there you have it, folks! For only $19.99 a ticket, or $49.99 for a full-on group or family pass, you can join in the everlasting fun of Dreamy Park!!".
Richard and Edward waves, with the lead man, Richard, speaking, "We can't wait to see you soon!!", as the screen flashes back to.......now another commercial, the title reading, "Looney Tunes: Merrie Melodies"......before Turnip #3 turned off the square with the remote, as they're struck with a revelation of who they are.
Turnip #5:.....So.....That's who we are.
Turnip #4: That's what we're meant to be.
Turnip #3: Sprout Moles.
Turnip #2:.....We're Sprout Moles.
Sprout Mole #1:.......We have to go. We have to go NOW.
Sprout Mole #5: What? Aw, come on! Lemme finish my taffy!
Sprout Mole #1: No, guys! This is......This is way bigger than us and especially our food! We were brought here for a reason! Maybe it's to be the Five Great Knights! We already fit the roles, don't we?
Sprout Mole #4: Wh-what do you mean?
Sprout Mole #1: Think about it! I'm the one who always thinks of the ideas! I'm practical, ideal, and always willing to take the action, the leader himself!
Sprout Mole #2: Hey! I'm the one who got those aliens outta there!
Sprout Mole #1: Exactly, Number 2! You're the smart one, the one who knows best, the plan-maker who always gets ready! And you, Number 3, you're the one who's bold and brash, ready to pick a fight with anything! Number 4, you're the one who's always lovely with the world, always ready to hand a leaf, and Number 5, you're the one who, uh......
Sprout Mole #5: Yea? (as he eats nearly all of the taffy from the colorful bag)
Sprout Mole #1:......You're you, you love to eat, and you're sure more than that, too. So, whaddaya say, guys, let's head to Sweetheart Land and become the Five Great Knights!!
Sprout Mole #3: Ya know what?.........That's a crazy idea. I like that.
Sprout Mole #4: Yea, I think I wanna go too. Sweetheart sounds like a very pretty and nice lady, maybe she'll let us into our kingdom.
Sprout Mole #5: Hey, if it includes more sweets to eat, I'm in.
Sprout Mole #2: Hold it. We can't just walk up in there and demand those positions. We need to.....somehow prove them......Maybe there's something in this weird little land that we can offer for them.
Sprout Mole #1: Ok, how's about this? Me and Numbers 2-3 will look over that giant establishment in the middle, and, Numbers 4 and 5, you're taking care of looking over the rest of these weird little squares.....whatever they are.
Sprout Mole #2: Son of a Sprout Mole, we need to find some way to understand these places we're in.......
Sprout Mole #1: I think I saw an establishment for "books", whatever they are. Maybe they can help us understand.
Sprout Mole #2:.....Sounds like a decent idea. I'm in.
With no further words spared, the Sprout Moles began to split up, Sprout Moles #1 and #2 leaping back from the window to scout for the giant building at the center, some giant square with the red words flashing into the night like a firefly: OTHERMART, with Sprout Mole #3 being on the lookout for them, walking backwards and scouting for any potential fights. Meanwhile, Sprout Moles #4 and 5 decided to exit through the front, seeing some weird gold-like handle on the door....as Sprout Mole #4 said, "Quick. Give me a boost".
Sprout Mole #5 groaned, leaning his head for Sprout Mole #4, as Sprout Mole #4 bounced atop it to grab the handle with his teeth, his weight doing the job as the handle turned....and let them out.
Sprout Mole #5: So.......which big square to check first?
Sprout Mole #4: Mmph bpthlb mplh.
Sprout Mole #5: You do realize I can't hear you like that?
Sprout Mole #4: (As he lets go and crashes down to the ground) I was-oof!-saying that we should probably try that house. That weird dog could be a guardian for a princess's treasure.
Leaf pointing, Sprout Mole #5 sees a lavishly green yard different from all the others, seeing two spinning star-shaped toys on the ground, one orange and the other blue, adjacent to it being....some small white square with a triangle-like red roof. It was apparently the inside that brought their attention, seeing some weird animal with its tongue out, repeatedly panting for some odd reason and a red thingy around his neck with a golden emblem hanging on it.
Sprout Mole #4: What do you think that is?
Sprout Mole #5: Dunno. Looks like some kind of great beast blocking the path. I'm more confused as to why is it breathing?
Sprout Mole #4: Do you think it has fire breath?
Sprout Mole #5: Welp, only one way to find out, right?.....
Step after step, the two Sprout Moles walk closely, hiding behind the natural cover of the white barrier between them and the yard, shivering with fear of being mauled by whatever creature this animal is.
Sprout Mole #4:.......Uh......What is that weird red thingy around his neck?
[Placeholder, expect more edits very soon]