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ʟᴏᴍʟ
You'd known Rhaenyra Targaryen since you were both younger and carefree. You met her the first time when she joined the dance festival in a part of the city you grew up in. The second would be when you saved the Princess from a man who tried to kill her when she snuck out of the Red Keep to the dangerous part of the city.
You were just an orphan girl, and it was your combat skills and saving the Princess that gave you the privilege, which helped pull you out of poverty and got you living inside the safest walls of the Red Keep. It was Rhaenyra who pleaded with her mother and father to take you in. Since then, you became friends, and you swore to her your loyalty and protection, and swore you'd get her the Iron Throne.
You had fallen deeply for the Princess without knowing it. It was just when Rhaenyra fell for her uncle's deception in the brothel to ruin her image and reputation as an heir to the Iron Throne that you realized your love for her. You accidentally confessed to her when you were angry and worried about her actions when the rumor came to you. It turned out she felt the same and returned it.
You had never seen her smile like that when she learned that you returned her feelings after her mother, Queen Aemma, died. However, two moons after, that smile was wiped off her gorgeous face when her father announced that he had chosen Alicent Hightower as her wife. She resented Alicent and her father for that. You stayed through all of that, and she was grateful. You hated the look of betrayal on her face when she learned about it.
When Alicent was announced to be with child, it made Rhaenyra worry more about her inheritance, because if the babe came out a boy, the council would side with the babe rather than her, despite her being proclaimed heir. At the end of the day, she would never be a boy.
It was a boy.
Rhaenyra had to take a husband and make an heir to secure her succession, and you understand that. You had nothing to offer. No land. No wealth. No titles. You're just an orphan, nothing more.
You had already come to terms with it. There's no place for both women and men to love each other in this ferocious world. You and Rhaenyra would never be married. You would never get to wed the love of your life. You had come to terms with the consequences of being that way and loving a woman... so it would hurt less.
Rhaenyra would always comfort and reassure you about the love she bore for you. You believed that.
You're thankful to the gods that it was Ser Laenor Velaryon she was wed to. He's a good man with a good heart.
However, everything had changed when Daemon returned, and they decided to go to Dragonstone after the incident with Rhaenyra's and Alicent's children. She brought you there with them.
Rhaenyra and Daemon got wed after Ser Laenor died. She didn't consult or inform you about it as she did before. It hurts you.
You spent little to no time together. She had canceled all your plans, rejected you, and ignored you. Whenever you confronted her about it, it turned into an endless cycle of arguments.
"What would you have me do? I am occupied, preparing for the war that may come!" she argued. You didn't answer because you had already voiced them out to her, but she didn't listen.
You still loved her despite everything. You hated that about yourself. You couldn't bring yourself to hate her. It felt as if nothing she could do would make you think otherwise.
One day, she summoned the small council. You were there as you were part of it. Rhaenyra listed all the houses that hadn't chosen a side yet. She wanted to send a letter reminding them to whom they swore an oath.
Rhaenyra rested her hands on the map table, looking at it. "We must first secure the support of Winterfell, the Eyrie, and Storm's End."
"I'll prepare the ravens, Your Grace," the maester said.
"I think it would be good and convincing if we bear those messages ourselves, Your Grace," you said. Rhaenyra looked at you, and you couldn't read her expression.
"She's right." Jacaerys backed you up as he had the same sentiment.
"We should bear those messages. Dragons can fly faster than ravens, and they're more convincing. Send us," he had a determined look on his face. You gave Jace a look, as your suggestion was not intended for them to do.
Rhaenyra stared at her son for a moment, thinking about whether it would be a good plan.
"Very well." After that, everyone agreed to the plan, and she dismissed the council.
"Except for you." You were certain that she was referring to you. You halted and went back to where you had been standing during the meeting.
"You're Grace?" You called her, as she said nothing for a moment, just looking at you.
She wanted to tell you something; she couldn't put it into words. "Never mind. I apologize. You are dismissed." then turned her back on you, looking at the fireplace.
"You're doing it again," you mumbled.
"What?"
"Dismissing me, again." She didn't reply to you after that.
You stared at her back. You could see how stressed she was by the way she hugged herself, caressing her arms. You sighed and walked towards her; however, you halted, unsure if you were still allowed to be in her proximity, as you hadn't been in a while.
"Come here," she turned to look at you. You stood there with a loving look in your eyes, offering her your arms. Rhaenyra hesitated, knowing she didn't deserve it. She practically ran to you when you didn't falter.
You felt her quickly melt and relax in your arms, clutching onto you tightly. You two inhaled each other's scent, as it's been so long since you two were in that proximity. You placed a lingering kiss on her head.
"I'm sorry," she muttered.
"I know."
ʟᴏᴍʟ
The next day, you helped Jace and Luke prepare for their travels to get the support their Queen needed to take back what was rightfully hers.
"Don't engage in any fight, especially you, Jace," you said, knowing that sometimes the boy couldn't handle his emotions, handing the sword to Jacaerys. He was about to take it when you pulled it back.
"Promise me," Luke said, laughing at her brother.
"I promise."
"You too, Luke." You gave him a stern look.
"I promise, Elise."
"Very well. Now, your mother is waiting," you said, placing your hands on their shoulders. Then, you took them to their mother, who was waiting outside.
Rhaenyra looked at you, smiling before turning to her sons.
"If you take these errands, you must go as messengers, not as warriors. You must take no part in any fighting. Swear it to me now under the eyes of the sevens." The knight took a couple of steps forward, holding a big book. Luke was the first one to put his hand on it and swore, followed by Jace.
Rhaenyra gave Winterfell to Jace and Storm's End to Luke. Worry was evident in her eyes as she gave her sons that task. She gave her sons one last hug and kiss on their heads.
"Safe travels, my princes," you said, and were surprised when the two embraced you. Rhaenyra just watched the interaction with a small smile.
"Now, keep your promise and your oath," you said.
ʟᴏᴍʟ
You were at the council meeting when Daemon arrived, walking straight to Rhaenyra and telling her something. You watched in horror as you saw her clutch her stomach, and her legs almost gave out.
You didn't know what Daemon told her, but by the looks of it, it was horrendous news. Daemon walked to you and told you what was written in the parchment sent by a raven.
You held on to the table for support when you heard the news. Your eyes blurred as your tears swelled up. The first thing that came to your mind was that it was your fault, as it was your suggestion, your idea to have the message be sent in person.
Daemon ushered the council out of the room to leave you two.
You heard a painful sob from Rhaenyra, who was already on the floor, on her knees, crying at the death of her son.
You collected yourself together. If it was painful for you, you could not imagine the pain she was feeling. Lucerys was her son; he came out of her. Her pain was nothing compared to yours.
You tried to console her, but she pulled away from your touch.
"It's your fault," Rhaenyra mumbled, but you heard it loud and clear.
You were taken aback. Your heart broke at the confirmation of your thoughts. You felt like someone had knocked the air out of you as you felt a sharp pain line through your heart.
The voices in your head started to blame you, too.
'It's your fault,' it echoed in your head. A sob tried to escape your lips, but you swallowed it down.
"You don't mean that." Your voice came out weak.
Rhaenyra stood up and turned to you. "It's your fault. If you didn't suggest it, Luke would still be here! Both of my sons would still be here!" Venom laced in her voice. You knew it was her grief talking, but it still hurt you.
You never felt so small in your life. You looked away as you couldn't bear the look she was giving you. The look of hatred was so sharp, as if it were the edge of a blade piercing through your heart. The look as if she didn't bear any love for you at all, as if you were the one who killed her son.
Maybe you deserved it. Maybe you didn't. You didn't care anymore. All you knew and were thinking was the look she gave you and the words that escaped her lips.
"Oh, my sweet boy."
ʟᴏᴍʟ
You didn't leave your room after that. You hadn't heard any words from her or anyone either. The Dragonstone was quiet and mourning. Usually the castle was not this quiet, as Jace, Luke, Joffrey, and the twins were running around. Now, it's all gone...just deafening silence.
You hadn't slept a wink since the news came. You didn't like closing your eyes, as all you could see was Luke. You were having nightmares about it. It was always you who was the villain in it, who killed him.
'It's your fault,' it played like a mantra in your head. It swirled in your mind while it struck your heart. What killed you more was that it was Rhaenyra's voice that was in your head.
"It's my fault." Your voice cracked, as fresh tears fell on your cheeks.
Your mind brought you back to the moments when you were training him how to handle a dagger. Then, your mind reminded you of the dagger commissioned for Lucerys by Lord Corlys, the dagger the boy would never get to see. You remembered how excited Lord Corlys was about it when he told you. Now, the dagger has become a reminder of the owner who never gets to hold it.
You just stared at the ceiling until exhaustion took you in.
You were awakened by a loud knock on your door. You sat up. You still felt tired, even though you had just woken up.
"The Queen has summoned the small council." A knight said.
"I'll be there." You replied and changed your dress before going to the meeting hall.
When you arrived, you saw Jace in there with a red nose and puffy eyes from crying. You stood farthest in the room than you used to; you didn't know if the Queen would want you to be near her. You could feel her eyes on you when you walked in, but you didn't make any sort of eye contact with her. You didn't want to see what was in her eyes that she held for you.
Jace stood next to you. "Go back, Jace." You told him to go back to where he was standing because you didn't want to cause any more issues with the Queen, but he refused.
The meeting started after Princess Rhaenys arrived with Lord Corlys. The council discussed the next plan, as the House of Arryn had pledged its support and the House of Stark had promised to send two thousand men.
"I want you, Elise, to lead the attack on King's Landing. Also, I want you to make sure that no civilians will be harmed." You looked up at the mention of your name. She was looking sharply at you.
You could see in your peripheral view that Jace looked at his mother in protest. He was about to voice it out, but you placed your hand on his arm to stop him.
All their eyes were on you. It was no secret that the Queen blamed you for the death of his son. She was so loud that night, and they heard it... just like you did.
"Your Grace, my expertise is not swo-..." You were cut off.
"You will avenge my son. I want Aemond Targaryen."
"May your plans come to fruition, Your Grace," was all you could say, slightly bowing, giving up. You could feel Jacaerys' eyes on you. He was mentally yelling at you for not trying.
You wanted to protest; however, by the look on her face, nothing would change her mind. You're afraid you wouldn't make it out alive. The gods know how it terrifies you. You're sent to your graveyard. You're not skilled with swords, only with daggers. You're walking with only daggers to a sword fight. There's no way you can make it. You would be dead before you could slit someone's throat. You couldn't do anything about it. It's the Queen's word. Her words were the law. Also, you swore an oath to her when you two were young.
As you always did, you came to terms with it so it would hurt less. You accepted your fate.
ʟᴏᴍʟ
You sat on the seashore, hugging your knees. The waves were reaching your bare feet and dampening the hem of your dress, but you didn't care. Your gaze was on the birds flying above the sea. You envied the birds; they were flying, catching food without any responsibility. They're free.
Your mind had always gone back to Lucerys. You felt like you had also lost a son. Lucerys Velaryon was like a son to you. You treated him as one, just as you treated the rest of Rhaenyra's children, because you knew you could never have one yourself. You couldn't bear a child; a maester confirmed to you that, and it still crushed you whenever you thought of it. And Rhaenyra's children were the closest you could have, and you lost one.
You knew your pain was nothing compared to what she's feeling. You shook it off, but it still hurt you regardless.
You were snapped out of the train of your thoughts when you heard someone removing their sword behind you, but you ignored it. However, you quickly wiped your cheeks with the back of your hands.
"Hey," you heard a deep voice behind you. It was Jace. You protested when he sat down beside you, as you didn't want his trousers to be damp, but he ignored you and continued, copying you.
"I'm sorry for your loss," you spoke, turning your head, looking at him, your right cheek resting on your knees.
"And I'm sorry," you said before turning your attention back to the horizon, avoiding his gaze.
You could feel his eyes on you. Jacaerys knew you were blaming yourself as he was blaming him.
"I shouldn't have suggested it. It should be me. It was my-... fault." The last word came out as a whisper, but he heard it.
"It's not! It was Aemond Targaryen and his reckless actions that killed my brother! Not you," he told you, emphasizing it to you.
'It's not what your mother told me,' you wanted to shout, but you didn't. You didn't want him to know that the Queen, his mother, blamed you for Luke's death, and that you couldn't get her voice out of your head after she told you that. You just stayed quiet. You didn't want to villainize her in her son's mind.
Jace's eyes welled up with tears when he saw one escape yours.
"I sent us, I and my brother. It's I." You turned to him.
"It's not your fault, Jace." You told him—the words you couldn't say to yourself.
You unwrapped your arm from your knees to reach for his face to wipe those tears. However, before you even got to do that, he scooted over and clung to your side, and silently cried.
You held him, caressing his arm. You never knew how much you needed someone close to you until now. You never had someone to hug, ask how you were, and to comfort you growing up. Rhaenyra gave you all that; now it felt like you were back to when you were young, when you had no one.
"Oh my sweetheart, you're too hard on yourself," you said, resting your head on his.
He calmed down a moment later, but didn't pull away from you. You two stayed in the same position. You were both already soaked as the sea level rose slightly; however, neither of you cared.
"Why did you agree to lead the attack?" Jace starter.
"The Queen didn't ask. Her Grace commanded it." Your voice was quiet.
"But you're walking in your graveyard."
"I swore to her when we were young, when they took me in the Red Keep." You didn't explain any further, as he already knew the story.
"I swear to you, to protect you 'til my last breath. My loyalty, my life, my blade, and my heart are yours." You repeated the oath that you remembered so dearly.
You confessed your love for the Queen to her eldest son. However, you didn't care anymore. You're trying to be honest about everything now. There's a possibility that you would die in the city, anyway. You treat all the words you say as if they're your last words.
"You love her."
"I do. Who wouldn't?" We didn't utter any words.
"Can I ask you a favor?"
"Anything," he pulled away.
"Can you give Rhaenyra flowers after the attack, if u-..under the circumstances I don't make it?" I cleared my throat in the middle of my sentence as I felt a lump in my throat.
"No," he firmly said. "You will give it to her yourself," Jace said, refusing to face the truth that there might be a chance you would not make it.
"Please?" you pleaded under your breath.
He sighed, then nodded her head before he reached for you, "Please, don't do it. I-...I can't lose you, either." Fresh tears fell from his eyes. His breathing was hoarse from crying, as he clung to you.
ʟᴏᴍʟ
That night, you didn't sleep a wink. You were tossing around. If you weren't thinking of Luke, you were thinking about what might happen in the city when you attacked. This was going to be your first war, hopefully not your last.
You decided to sharpen your blades until you didn't know dusk had come. You started preparing for the long march and the attack. The castle was filled with the noises of steps, clangs of shields, sheathing swords, and roars of dragons.
You changed into warrior clothes, then braided your hair into a warrior's braid. You were wearing only light body armor, as you didn't want any heavy equipment on you that would hinder your moves. After you secured your daggers on your shoulders, arms, waist, thighs, and legs, you headed outside.
You were descending the stairs, and you saw her talking to Princess Rhaenys. Both of their eyes landed on you. The Princess excused herself, heading to Meleys.
"Your Grace," you bowed.
Rhaenyra's eyes were on you, and yours were on the floor. Her heart clenched as you found the coldstone more interesting than her presence. She regretted her words. All of them. However, she couldn't take them all back now.
She was about to speak when the blow of the horn indicating the departure halted her.
"I will avenge your son, Your Grace. I'll get you Aemond Targaryen's head and the usurper king's head." Her heart clenched at the mention of the courtesy and not of her name, as if you were not deserving of it. She couldn't do anything but watch you walk away from her.
You were stopped by Jace before you hopped on your horse.
"I wish you the best, all the strength... I-I don't know the words." Jace blushed.
"It's alright, my prince."
"It's Jace," he groaned, making you chuckle.
"Here," he said, handing you his dagger that was once Rhaenyra's when she was young. It was his mother's gift on his thirteenth name day.
"Please?" He said, pushing the dagger in your hand when you made no move to take it.
"You honor me, mooncake." You took it, and you were tackled by his hug. You pulled away your hand that was gripping the Valyrian dagger to avoid hurting you two. You carefully sheathed the blade behind his back before returning his hug.
"I love that name." He mumbled against your shoulder.
"I know you do."
ʟᴏᴍʟ
You looked back before you slightly kicked the horse to proceed. You wanted her to know that you bore no hatred towards her. Rhaenyra saw that and read the message you wanted to convey. She smiled to herself, but didn't let it show in her eyes.
Jace saw that. The love between you and his mother. He knew that since he was a child; however, he couldn't understand it back then, but now he did. He knew that what his mother felt for you was nothing compared to what she felt for Ser Harwin, Ser Laenor, and Daemon.
He felt bad for you two and a little anger toward her mother about it, for sending you away, and for making you think Luke's death was your fault. The maids in the castle weren't exactly quiet when gossiping about what they heard that night.
Jace placed a comforting hand on her mother's hand resting on the stone counter as they watched you grow smaller and smaller.
ʟᴏᴍʟ
You're going restless as you swing the sword you stole from the body of the knight you killed on your way to the castle. You were covered in dirt, blood, or sweat; you couldn't really tell. You felt an ache all over your body, but it was tolerable due to the adrenaline in your system. All you wanted was to end this, get the usurper's head, and present them to Rhaenyra with the throne.
After you killed three men who tried to charge at you, you heard a voice behind you.
"Look who I have here. The bitch's whore." You turned around and saw the one-eyed prince in his en garde stance.
All you felt was anger. However, you didn't want it to cloud your mind as you had to plan your movements. Knowingly, Aemond was skilled with a sword.
He was the first to make an attack. In every attack he struck, you retaliated. Aemond talked shit about everyone important to you, trying to provoke you.
It happened so quickly, you felt a hot, stirring pain in your right chest. The sword was quickly pulled out, making you yelp and drop your stolen sword. You looked at Aemond before looking down to see that it was not Aemond's sword but someone else's sword, from behind. You didn't notice that Aemond was looking at someone from behind you, signaling to attack you while he was distracting you.
It was Aegon's sword. He was cheering at what he had done, which seemed to be the first time he had used his sword. However, it halted after a slash of a sword echoed.
"No!" Aemond shouted.
You stumbled a bit when you turned around. You, Daemon, were smirking, with Aegon's body lying on the floor, his head detached from his body.
Aemond was distracted by what happened, and you took that as a chance to charge at him with the dagger Jace gave you. The one-eyed prince was taken aback by your attack and tried to block it, but it was too late. Jace's dagger was already in his chest.
"One last word, pretty boy?" You twisted the blade before pulling it, making him fall on his knees and hands.
"Whore," you heard.
"Do me the honor, my lady," Daemon said, handing you Dark Sister. You grabbed it; you stumbled when it weighed on your hands.
You summoned all the strength that was left in you. You grunted when you lifted the sword. "This is for Lucerys Velaryon." then swung it, beheading Aemond Targaryen.
"What are you doing here?" You asked as you turned to hand Dark Sister to Daemon.
"Need to make sure you're alive. You're too important to the Queen." He said.
Your body swayed as you felt light-headed. Daemon quickly caught you. The war's aftermath started to take a toll on you.
You pushed yourself away from his touch and began collecting their heads. You held them by the hair; however, Daemon snatched them from you. You didn't try to get them back, ignoring Daemon's plea as you headed to the big door.
However, you halted when Rhaenyra appeared in the throne room, catching her breath. She ran towards you, skipping the steps when she saw your state.
Rhaenyra wrapped her arms around you, not caring about the blood that would stain her dress. Your arms automatically wrapped around hers as if they belonged there.
"I-..." You winced when you tried to inhale. "...have avenged Lucerys Velaryon, your grace." You said, squeezing your eyes shut as you tried to unblur your eyes that were starting to blur.
"I hope I am forgiven, Your Gra-..." Your voice broke at the end as you found it difficult to breathe, feeling the sharp pain in your chest when you inhaled.
She pulled away, cupping your face in her hands.
"I'm so sorry for Luke. I-..." You cried, tasting metal in your mouth, gulping it.
"No. No. It's not your fault." Rhaenyra said, trying and wishing she could go back and take back the words that escaped her lips a week ago. You felt something lifted from your shoulder when she said that.
Out of adrenaline, your injuries were taking a toll on your body. Your legs couldn't support your weight anymore and had let you collapse.
Her eyes widened at your state. She caught you and slowly lowered you to the floor. "Call a maester, Daemon!" She shouted. Her vision blurred as the tears escaped her eyes. Horror filled her eyes as she just now assessed your body.
"Nyra," you coughed; blood started to fill your mouth. Rhaenyra tried to put pressure on your wound, as she was panicking. Fear was bubbling in her chest—the fear of losing you.
You studied her face as that was going to be the last time you'd ever see it. You lifted your hand to reach for her cheek, to wipe the tears that were dampening her face. She leaned into your touch as she held your hand.
"Keep your eyes open for me for a while, my love. The maester is on his way." She prayed to the seven gods for a miracle to save you.
You started to see dots in your vision, and it took you a lot of effort to keep your eyes open.
"Where is the maester?!" She shouted before turning back to you.
"I think... Daemon is a g-..good man. He's good for you." Your words made her sob.
"No, you're the one who's good for me... I'm sorry." She started to sob.
She regretted everything she had done that caused you pain. She regretted canceling your plans, not spending time with you, ignoring you, and turning your efforts to talk to her into arguments. She regretted blaming you for the death of his son, for sending you to King's Landing, and now, it has cost you your life.
"Tell Jace, I killed Aemond with-... his d-dagger..., and I love him and Joffrey... Your twins won't remember me." Tears escaped your eyes at the thought of them. Rhaenyra completely broke down at your words.
You tried to inhale, "The throne is yours now, Your Grace... Too bad, I won't get to see you on it."
"I'll try to meet Luke, if there's an afterlife." Rhaenyra sobbed harder when she noticed your breath shortened.
"Maybe in another life, we'll dance again." Both of you smiled at the memory of your first meeting. You could feel yourself growing weaker by the second, and she could feel and see it.
"Ilybīlon, ñuha jorrāelagon. Ilybīlon." She said, although she herself didn't know if there was another life. [We will, my love. We will.]
"Aōhon iksan, ñuha jorrāelagon... ñuha rūklon." It came out as a whisper, as blood rushing to your lips. [I love you, my love... my Queen.]
"I love you," she returned, watching the light leave your eyes as you exhaled your last breath. A scream tore her throat as she shook your body, hoping you were jesting and you'd open those eyes again, but you didn't.
Syrax's roar can be heard in the distance, mourning for the love she witnessed and felt from her dragonrider.
She rested her head on your linked hands that were placed on your chest, as she sobbed. She lost her son, and now she has lost the love of her life. Everything came crashing down on her. Two important people in her life are gone now. It took Rhaenyra a moment to pull away from you; then she ordered the people around to attend to the aftermath of what had happened.
Daemon and Rhaenys were watching not far away from the two. They witnessed everything and couldn't help but shed tears. Their mind now flew to strategies and ways to make the Queen move forward, as they knew someone important, other than her children, was gone now.
No one had ever seen the Queen cry before—except at the death of her unborn child and Luke—until she cried for you. The sight of the Queen mourning the loss of her life was heartbreaking. They could see the love between you two was nothing compared to the love that she had had before.
They had witnessed it—the love between you two. Queen Rhaenyra's and Elise's love for each other became a tale told to children centuries later. Some would say Elise loved her too early, and Queen Rhaenyra loved her too late. Others would say they loved each other because it felt right. Not too early, not too late.
'Love someone until you can't' and 'Love someone while you still have them' — phrases that often followed when a mother or father told their child the tale of their love. It was a tragedy yet a beautiful story.
When she returned to Dragonstone, she told his son the heartbreaking news. Baela also shed a tear, as you were a mother to her.
Jace handed his mother a bouquet. "She told me to g-give it to you if she doesn't—..." His voice cracked. Rhaenyra embraced his son before accepting the flowers.
'Well, it's just a marker that another thirty days have passed since we met,' the young you echoed in her head as fresh tears rolled down her cheeks starring at it.
Today marked the one hundred and seventy thirty-day period since you and Rhaenyra had danced at the festival.