Chapter Text
ᴍᴇʀᴄʏ
You took a bite of an apple you had stolen from the cart of the man who had kicked you out of the abandoned house that morning. As you walked through the busy streets of King's Landing, the noises surrounded you-the rumble of carriage wheels on cobblestones, the neighing and footsteps of horses, merchants calling out their wares, and a group of older men engaged in drinking and gambling.
This had been your life in King's Landing since you were abandoned there, getting kicked out of wherever you spent the night each morning and stealing food to quiet your growling stomach.
You were peacefully walking when a drunk man appeared out of nowhere. "Get off me, you filth!" you tried to pry his hands, but he didn't budge. His grip on your wrist was so strong that it started hurting. You seized a chance to knee him in the groin, causing his grip on you to loosen. You took that opportunity to run,
You kept glancing back to see if he was still following you, your full attention focused on escaping the man who had ill intent toward you.
"Shit, I'm so sorry," a voice said when your body collided with someone else. His arms caught you as your legs gave out from running.
"Please, help me... A drunk man—" you stammered, unable to form a complete sentence as you were out of breath and panicking. However, the boy understood and quickly noticed the drunken man searching for someone. The stranger grabbed you by the waist and pushed you against the nearest wall. You squealed at the sudden action, gripping his shirt tightly.
"Trust me," he said. You looked up to see the stranger gazing down at you. Your eyes widened as you realized that the person you had thought was a man was actually a girl dressed in boys' clothing. A few strands of her white hair escaped from beneath the hood of her shirt. Your breath hitched as the girl leaned closer, making it look like you two were kissing, trying to hide you from the man who was now just behind her.
She looked back to see the drunk man disappearing in another alley. She pulled away from you, taking a couple of steps back to give you back the space she invaded without your permission. You exhaled a breath you hadn't realized you were holding.
"I'm sorry. I had to," she apologized.
"You're-... You're the princess!" The words slipped out before you could stop them, and she quickly shushed you, glancing around to see if anyone had heard.
Her eyes fell on your collarbone, "And you're a Tyrell," she remarked, noticing the intricate yet stained embroidery of your house sigil on your torn dress.
The mention of your house made you sad and your blood boil. The house of Tyrell was the opposite of what everyone believed. They weren't as sweet-scented as their sigil of a flower that represented them. They had abandoned you, used you to further their own agendas and political gains, and threatened to strip you of your title and inheritance completely. You're just ten and four and couldn't defy them, as you still were not capable of providing yourself with basic needs.
Now, they have sent you to King's Landing to spy on the crown, especially the princess. Your house was known for its neutrality in political matters; however, neutrality could be perceived as a negative trait. It was the sign that most of the houses loyal to the crown overlooked. Seeing your house as harmless as a flower, not seeing the thorns beneath. It wouldn't surprise you if House Tyrell gained more power than most houses in Westeros in the future.
"What the fuck are you doing here?" she asked, her eyes scrutinizing you.
"I was exiled from home." All you could say out of fear of living in the street for the rest of your life. The princess didn't respond immediately, clearly expecting a different explanation. Something like "I just made the sigil myself" or "I stole the dress", because she knew that a Tyrell wouldn't come to King's Landing unannounced.
"I'm sorry," Rhaenyra said. You sensed an awkwardness in her demeanor, leading you to conclude that the princess was not a good starter conversationalist.
"Are you my father?" you asked bluntly.
She gave you a confused look. "No."
You pushed yourself off the wall. "Then, my forgiveness is not yours to receive, princess."
A brief silence hung between you two before she finally said, "Come with me?" and took your wrist, tugging you out of the alley.
"Where are you taking me?" you asked, but she offered no answer.
Since that day, you started living within the protection of the big wall of the Red Keep. The King took you in without asking too many questions about your exile, as your house was not an enemy of the crown.
That night, you wrote a letter to your father, informing him that you had entered the Red Keep. However, you deliberately left out the details, unable to stomach the thought of betraying the princess, especially after she had saved your life. Instead of sending it by raven, you entrusted it to a man sent by your father to receive your correspondence and keep an eye on you, waiting outside where the army of the crown was staying.
As time passed, you and Rhaenyra grew closer. The princess often kept you company, as you were the only friend she had in the city after her last one had betrayed her. You didn't mind; in fact, you enjoyed her presence, a constant reminder that you weren't alone in a city that still felt strange to you.
*
It was dark and all black as you looked around. You heard voices you couldn't recognize, except for your father's.
"I wish it were you who died that day," his voice echoed repeatedly before everything went black again. You could feel your heart pounding against your chest.
Suddenly, you felt a hand drag you out of the cart when you refused to move.
"No! Please, don't leave me here," you pleaded with the knight disguised as a merchant after he cut the rope binding your wrists.
"Do as your father pleases, my lady. You'll return to Highgarden when you do as he commands," he said.
You looked around; it was dark and empty again. Your father's voice grew louder and louder, but no one was around.
"Please, leave me alone!" you shouted, pressing your hands against your ears.
*
You sat up, catching your breath as your eyes scanned the room. You relaxed when your surroundings registered in your brain. Cautiously, so as not to wake the girl beside you, you pried the blanket off your body and swung your legs over the edge of the bed. You walked to the table and poured water into a wooden cup.
"I told you to wake me up when bad dreams plague your sleep." You felt a warm body press against your back, her arms wrapping around your waist, and her chin resting on your shoulder.
You turned your head to see her eyes still closed. "Go back to sleep, Nyra," you said, placing the cup back on the table after finishing half of its contents.
"Come back to bed," she pouted, her eyes still closed, shaking her head. It had become her sixth sense to notice whenever you were missing from beside her or gone from her sight.
"I will. Just give me a few moments." She hummed, not moving from her position.
This had become your nightly routine. The day you were sent to the city haunted you in your sleep, the same bad dream every night. It was the very reason Rhaenyra slept in your chamber instead of her own. Aside from the obvious reason—her fondness for you, which everyone knew except the two of you
ᴍᴇʀᴄʏ
One day, you and Rhaenyra were in your chamber, each occupied with your own tasks. Rhaenyra had no duties at the small council that day, as the meeting had been postponed.
"What are you writing?" she asked after growing bored with the book she was reading. She turned her body toward you, lying on her stomach and propping her chin on her hand for support.
"Nothing," you sighed, putting the parchment away into your secret box.
"Another letter you won't send?" she guessed. You just nodded. It wasn't entirely a lie. All the letters you wrote ended up unsent because you stopped sending them nineteen moons ago when you couldn't bear the thought of betraying Rhaenyra any further. However, that didn't stop you from writing. The more you got to know the princess during your stay, the more you realized she was nothing like the person your father had described—unworthy, apathetic, arrogant, and other negative traits. Rhaenyra was the opposite of those.
Rhaenyra bounced off the bed and walked over to you. She bent down, wrapping her arms around you in a hug from behind. All she knew was that these were normal letters you wanted to send to your family in Highgarden... as a daughter who longed for her family, asking for forgiveness.
You wanted to tell her the truth, but you didn't want to hurt her or lose her. What she didn't know wouldn't hurt her. You'd deal with it later; for now, you wanted to enjoy this moment with Rhaenyra, praying to the gods that the love between you two would be enough for her mercy.
"Come with me later?" she said, tilting her head to look at you with a devilish look on her face.
"No, Rhaenyra. Your honor was stained the last time you snuck out," you said, frowning, recalling how deeply it had affected you–much to your surprise. That was when you realized you had developed feelings for the princess. It explained the pang you felt whenever her face lit up at the mention of Daemon Targaryen.
"I don't concern myself with that anymore. The King already has the male heir he desperately wanted," she said, though you knew it wasn't true.
"Both of us knew it wasn't true," she sighed, pulling away from you.
"Nyra," you called.
She sat down on the edge of your bed before letting herself slide down to the floor, her back resting against the bedside. "You're right... It's just... I wanted him to see me and disregard those standards that an heir should be male." You joined her, hoping your presence would offer some comfort.
"Promise me, when everything descends into chaos, and everyone else turns their backs on me, you'll be there and stay by my side," she said, turning her head to look at you, still resting against the bed.
You turned to face her. Both of you could feel each other's breath due to the close proximity. You looked her in the eyes, and it was not the first time she was vulnerable in front of you. Her eyes were glossy with unshed tears; you knew she was holding back.
"I promise. I'll be your constant in this inconstant world." You watched her demeanor relax before she rested her head on your shoulder.
"I think going to the Norm will help a bit, don't you think?" You watched her face perk up at the mention of it. The term "Norm" referred to the world outside the Red Keep, a term only you two knew.
"Just don't make me wear that fake hair again," you said, shaking off the image of you in white hair.
Later that night, the two of you snuck out, with Rhaenyra leading you through the secret passage in her room. When you emerged outside, the streets were alive with people dancing and singing, celebrating a festival. You let her drag you into the throng of revelers. Everyone was dancing.
You enjoyed yourself. Nobody paid attention to either of you, or to anyone else; it felt liberating to be free from scrutiny. You smiled at the sight of Rhaenyra, carefree and happy. You didn't want anything to wipe that joy from her face.
The two of you eventually sat on a bench along the sidewalk, taking a break with fermented drinks in hand.
"I wish we could be like this forever," she said, her eyes on the crowd, longing for something she knew she could never have. Now that she had tasted this freedom, it wouldn't surprise you if she sought it out at every opportunity. She poured your mug a second round. You glared at her but didn't say anything.
That night, both of you felt free, unburdened by the responsibilities and expectations you were normally bound by. For one night, you both experienced what it was like to be kids your age.
You briefly looked away when you apologized to someone you accidentally bumped into. When you turned back, Rhaenyra had disappeared. Panic bubbled in your chest as you searched for her. You squealed when you were suddenly dragged into a dark alley and pressed against a cold wall.
"Relax, it's just me." You instantly calmed at the sound of her voice.
"Stop disappearing on me like that," you said, punching her chest in frustration. She laughed, but the mood quickly shifted to something more serious.
You could hear your heartbeat in your ears as she inched closer, invading the space between you. Rhaenyra waited for you to push her away, but you didn't. You could feel each other's breath, the scent of alcohol lingering.
She pushed her luck and captured your lips. Relief washed over her when you kissed her back, your arms wrapping around her neck. You both pulled away to catch your breath.
"Let's get out of here."
Once safely back in her chamber, Rhaenyra kissed you again, pushing you against the door of the secret passage, her hands exploring your figure. You helped each other remove your disguises, leaving you both naked.
"My eyes are up here," you teased when her gaze lingered on your body for a little too long.
That night was special. She made you feel loved, worshipped, and safe. It was just the two of you, ignoring the outside world and focusing on what was constant between you. You never wanted the night to end, but the Seven Gods didn't always grant wishes... and that included yours.
You knew it ended there. In the Seven Kingdoms, except for Dorne, love between two women or two men was considered blasphemy. Just thinking about it, you realized there was nothing inherently wrong with it—unless you were heavily indoctrinated by the Seven Septons. Politically, it was unacceptable because two women or two men could not produce an heir to continue the bloodline. In the end, it all boiled down to lineage: an heir born out of love or duty. Regardless, it was an heir—nothing less, but more important than anything else.
ᴍᴇʀᴄʏ
In the days that followed, Rhaenyra couldn't keep her hands off you, nor could she stop kissing you whenever the two of you were alone.
"No, I don't want to go," she whined, burying her face against your stomach when a knight arrived to fetch her. You had been discussing her worries about her inheritance under the godswood. The King was expecting a male child from his new wife, Alicent Hightower.
"You have to. It's your duty as an heir to the Iron Throne. And, if I might add, it's quite adorable," you said, running your fingers through her silver hair.
"Adorable?! No!" She looked up at you in disbelief. "It has nothing to do with ruling!" She then buried her face back against your stomach.
"Well, you have a point. But being there allows you to hear them talk about politics. It might help you understand how men think and behave in such matters."
After some coaxing, the princess finally relented. She gave you a hug, subtly placing a kiss below your earlobe, before leaving to attend the small council meeting as a cupbearer.
Afterward, you returned to your chamber. As you neared it, you noticed the door slightly ajar. Quietly, you pushed it open and found your belongings scattered across the room. Your steps halted when you saw a hooded man standing in front of your desk.
You were about to retreat when the man turned around and saw you silently. He immediately chased after you as you tried to flee, dragging you back inside and covering your mouth when you attempted to scream.
"I apologize, my lady; I was just following orders," he said, his tone tinged with sympathy. He knew how ferocious your father was, but he couldn't disobey orders or break his oath. Would that make him a good knight? He thought so.
You heard a sound of a blade being unsheathed. You looked at him, pleading, but you couldn't make out who he was—only his eyes were visible, and it was glossy. Before you knew it, the dagger was buried in your stomach. You groaned in pain as he pulled the dagger out, then left you alone, closing the door behind him to cover his tracks.
You quickly pressed your hands to your wound, trying to stem the bleeding. You managed to reach your desk, only to find your secret box was gone. As you grew weaker, you braced yourself against the desk for support. You tried to yell for help, but all you could taste was blood. Summoning all your strength, you staggered out of your chamber. Ser Erryk found you just before you lost consciousness.
When Rhaenyra heard the news, she went straight to the infirmary, barging through the door without paying attention to the looks from the maids inside. She sat beside your bed, watching your chest rise and fall as the maester stitched your wound.
"She'll be alright, princess. Hopefully, she'll wake up soon," the maester said after finishing the stitches, before leaving the princess alone with you.
"Find who did this!" the King commanded upon seeing your condition.
"Will do, Your Grace," Ser Erryk replied without hesitation. He left without further questions, though he knew finding the man would be a difficult task, as no traces were left behind. To this day, no one knows who the assailant was, but rumors suggest it was your brother.
ᴍᴇʀᴄʏ
When you woke up, you found her sleeping in the chair beside you, her head resting on her forearm on the bed, while her other hand held yours. You winced and groaned as you tried to reach for the water on the small table beside your bed, which awakened the princess.
"God, you're okay," Rhaenyra said, squeezing your hand. She reached for the wooden cup and brought it to your lips. After you drank, you moved your body, gritting your teeth against the pain.
"Don't move, you embecile!" she scolded, but you ignored her and kept scooting away. You patted the space beside you. "Lie with me." Once she settled in, you laid your head on her shoulder, and both of your hands instinctively linked.
You were transferred to Rhaenyra's chamber as she offered it while your chamber was still being cleaned. The princess was attentive and caring, never leaving your side until you were able to dress and undress without tears in your eyes.
"I told you to call for me when you want to change your dress," she sternly said when she saw you attempting it on your own. She carefully helped you lift your arms and put on a light dress. You cried silently as you let her assist you.
After dinner was delivered and eaten, you both lay down together. "I want to go somewhere in Essos," you said, beginning to feel the effects of the medicinal liquid the maester had given you. Your head rested on her arm, which was wrapped around you, as you lay together with your intertwined hands raised above you, watching them.
She knew it was the medicine talking, but she replied anyway. "Then we'll run away to Essos, leave this all behind, and just eat lemon cakes."You laughed at the mention of lemon cakes, though the wishful thinking left a sad feeling in both of you.
In the following days, the King betrothed his daughter to Ser Laenor. You already understood the political strategy behind it: she had to marry and produce an heir—a male heir—to compensate for her father's deviant decision to name Princess Rhaenyra, a woman, as his heir to the Iron Throne. It was something for the masses to look forward to. The King did not strip Rhaenyra of her inheritance to the throne as compensation, much to the dismay of many.
You understood all of this, but that didn't make the situation any less painful.
"I understand your concern, Your Grace. However, my bloodline ends with me, and they have my brother to continue the Tyrell lineage," you replied when the King asked about finding a man to spend the rest of your life with. The King respected your wish, as it was not the concern of the throne.
Your heart broke when she sobbed uncontrollably once the door to her chamber was closed. She lay on her bed with her face buried in her pillows. She curled up on your side when you lay next to her.
"I want to marry only you," she said, her voice muffled by sobs.
"I wish the same, my love. However, I have nothing to offer you." You replied as your fingers played with her silver hair while your other hand caressed her arm resting on your midsection.
It's true. You had nothing to offer. You were living in a foreign city with no gold or title. You were dependent on what the friendship you had with the princess could offer.
"I don't care," she said. You ignored your breaking heart as you tended to hers.
You wished Rhaenyra had been born a son, even if it meant everything would have been different and you might never have met her. Being a son would have spared her from the ferocious double standards society imposed on women. It would have made everything easier—wouldn't it?
Rhaenyra had made an arrangement with Ser Laenor Velaryon, which he agreed to before their wedding night, so they could continue seeing their lovers without any issues on either side.
On the day of their wedding, Ser Laenor's lover was killed. Witnesses said that Joffrey provoked Ser Criston, causing the latter to lose his temper. No one knew exactly what Joffrey said that led to his death.
Despite that unfortunate event, the wedding proceeded. You were among those who witnessed their vows. Later that night, Rhaenyra snuck out of her bedroom and came to your chamber, while Laenor was outside mourning the death of his lover.
"After you two... do that, can you come here?" You paused. "We don't have to do anything... I want to lie with you in silence." You told her after she asked for your permission to consummate the marriage with her husband, as required by law.
"Alright," you smiled at her response. At least you could still have her, and that was all that mattered.
Rhaenyra scooted closer to you, holding you tightly. She knew how hard it had been for you, even if you hadn't spoken a word about it. You let out the tears you had been holding back all day. She placed a kiss on the crown of your head as tears escaped her eyes as well.
Rhaenyra did exactly what you asked of her. She came to your chamber every time they had sex. The two of you didn't say anything, just enjoyed each other's presence in silence. She focused solely on you, trying to rid herself of the feelings and memories of the activity she had with her husband.
After a couple of tries, you expected Rhaenyra to be with child, but it didn't happen when she and Laenor suggested Ser Harwin; you agreed, as he was a good friend to both you and Rhaenyra.
After years, Rhaenyra gave birth to three beautiful sons, whom you treated as your own. You cared for them and looked out for them when Ser Harwin and Ser Laenor were not around, allowing Rhaenyra some much-needed rest.
You followed them to Dragonstone, as Rhaenyra insisted. You had nothing to lose and no one left in the city, but had everything and everyone to gain by joining them. She and Laenor decided to leave the city following the incident involving Alicent and her children. They had been contemplating this move since Ser Harwin's death, as rumors about the true parentage of their children were circulating the city. It was also for the protection of her children, as the city had become a toxic environment for them.
ᴍᴇʀᴄʏ
At Dragonstone, you assisted with council work as much as you could. When there were no council meetings, you trained with Jacaerys and Lucerys, under the guidance of Ser Erryk and Ser Steffon.
One day, Rhaenyra's small council was thrown into turmoil when the Queen did not arrive. Rhaenys ordered the Queensguard to search Dragonstone for the missing Queen. Aerys, still a young boy struggling with his emotions, barked at you.
"Where's the queen?" he demanded, making everyone focus on you, anticipating an answer. Your close relationship with the Queens was well known. Anyone with eyes and know show to use them could discern what was happening between you two.
Most men in the Queen's council also resented you for the influence you seemed to have over the Queen, envying the power you wielded in her presence.
"I don't know, Jace," you replied, uncomfortable with the sudden attention.
His irritation led him to repeat the question, but you stuck to your previous answer, "You're barking up the wrong tree, Jacaerys." His expression shifted at the mention of his full name, and he fell silent.
You hadn't heard from Rhaenyra since she left your chamber the previous night. There had been no unusual behavior or signs that she would disappear without notice.
"Ser Harrold is also nowhere to be found, princess," a knight reported.
It had been nearly two days since the Queen's disappearance. You hadn't slept at all during that time. Her children were restless, especially Jacaerys, who came to you one night in Rhaenyra's study to apologize for his outburst.
"It's alright, my prince." You pulled him into a comforting hug, sensing how much he needed it. Though he's a bit taller than you now, he still seems like a little boy burdened with the weight of a sword at such a young age.
"What's keeping you up at this hour? Do you want me to fetch something from the maester?" you asked. He shook his head, and after a moment, he excused himself and returned to his chamber.
"Fuck! Don't scare me like that!" you exclaimed, startled when you turned around and saw Mysaria standing near the door. You had been lost in thought, staring at the fireplace, and hadn't realized she was there.
"I apologize, my lady." You turned back to the fire. In your peripheral vision, you saw her standing to your left, also watching the flames. Silence enveloped you, punctuated only by the crackling fire.
"I know you had something to do with Her Grace's disappearance," you spoke. "However, I will not condemn you for it. I know she will not act recklessly, not anymore, and doesn't take orders easily from others."
"Except from you," Mysaria said, catching your confused look. She met your gaze, her words reminding you of a political conversation you'd had with Rhaenyra. 'Maybe there's another way to do this without bloodshed,' you had said. You hadn't expected her to seek another way on her own.
"I really hope you won't betray her, Mysaria."
"I am loyal to no one. However, Her Grace showed me mercy and kindness when no one else did. I believe she is meant to be a queen."
Loyal to no one but herself. You were skeptical of her words but kept silent, knowing that provoking her might push her away from the Queen. Mysaria was important. She had access to the city, and the common folks were her followers.
"Very well. Don't even think about betraying her, or you won't see the light of day."
"Wouldn't think of it, my lady." You wished her good night before leaving.
ᴍᴇʀᴄʏ
The council was deep in discussion about the army led by Criston Cole, spotted by Baela during a patrol near Rook's Rest, and the unreturned ravens from Harrenhal. The room, full of men, quickly shifted to indirect accusations of inaction and a lack of leadership, escalating into a heated argument.
"Does it speak falsely, my prince? This council is rudderless." Ser Alfred retorted.
"I'm doing my best to steer it, Ser Alfred," Rhaenys spoke.
The knight stood up, "Why should your voice be any louder than ours, princess? The Queen didn't make you hand," he said, launching into a rant about the need for command from the Queen and the King Consort rather than her.
"Sit down, Ser Alfred. The mere fact that you addressed her as 'Princess' says it all," you spoke up. Ser Alfred was about to retort when Ser Corlys walked in, causing him to stop abruptly. Rhaenys's husband lectured the council on their greed for power instead of focusing on planning while the enemies were on the move.
A moment later, the tone in the room shifted to a calmer discussion.
"We need to send dragons..." Jace began, but he was cut off when Rhaenyra entered in a simple dress.
"Where?" she asked, prompting everyone to stand in courtesy.
Jace cleared his throat, "To support the war that your vassals have been fighting in your absence... Your Grace," he emphasized.
You placed a hand on his arm, trying to remind him to keep his temper in check. Rhaenyra, wiping her hands with a towel, was not amused by the tone her son used. Princess Rhaenys began explaining the situation at Rook's Rest.
"Where have you been these last days? You vanished without so much as a word."
"Jace," you whispered, but he ignored you.
"Well, I apologized for my absence and the secrecy, but such was necessary. I went to King's Landing to meet Queen Alicent and sue for peace."
"You saw Alicent!" he exclaimed; annoyance was clearly evident in his voice.
"Yes, I did."
"You could've been taken or slain!"
She sighed, clenching her jaw. "I inherited 80 years of peace from my father, and before I was to end it, I needed to know that there was no other path," she said, clearly frustrated with her son's attitude. Yet, you could sense there was another reason fueling her frustration.
"And now I do," she almost mumbled, her face showing disappointment as she didn't like the choice that was left to her. "Only one choice remains to me: either I win my claim or die."
The prince seemed calmer now, "We stand at the ready."
The discussion then shifted to more complex matters as they began planning the attack. The men in the room became more engaged, their eagerness to proceed palpable now that the Queen had no other choice but to act. Rhaenys volunteered to lead the attack on Cole's army when Rhaenyra declined her son's offer to take it on himself.
Throughout the meeting, Rhaenyra did not once glance at you or seek your opinion as she usually did in the past. You shrugged it off, assuming she was focused on more pressing matters that required no one else's input.
The meeting was dismissed after all matters had been addressed. As the room cleared and night deepened, you remained behind, while Rhaenyra walked to the fireplace at the far end of the council room.
"Alicent told me they received a raven from Highgarden containing your pardon," she said. The world seemed to halt at her words. You could hear your own heartbeat pounding in your ears.
The moment you had dreaded had finally arrived, haunting you. All these years, you thought they had let go of you. They had stripped you of your titles and inheritance—what more could they want? Then you remembered the secret box that had been stolen from you.
"Why would they pardon you?" Her voice was cold and distant. Rhaenyra knew all the information she needed. However, she wanted to hear it from you, perhaps in the hope that the accusation was wrong or to confirm the painful truth that the person she had loved the most had betrayed her.
"Nyra..." Your body tensed as two guards entered the room, standing silently in the corner, awaiting her command.
"It's 'Your Grace' to you!"Her gaze was fierce.
"Why would they pardon you?" she repeated, her eyes never leaving yours. You tried to approach her, but she stepped back, shattering your heart in the process.
Taking a deep breath, you began, "I was in exile, sent to King's Landing to spy on the throne and on you as a punishment. But I stopped, I swear, once I got to know you. I didn't send the letters I wrote because I had nothing to lose if I defied their orders—they had already stripped me of everything. However, the unsent letters were stolen from me by a man who snuck into my room, which I suspect was their doing," you explained, revealing the details she needed.
You had stopped spying just eight moons after you entered the Red Keep and became friends with the princess. You couldn't bear what you were doing. The princess had shown you kindness, and yet you were betraying her behind her back.
You no longer cared about the pardon. It meant nothing to you once you were exiled. It left a bitter taste in your mouth whenever you were addressed as 'my lady,' as you no longer felt like one. You had grown up without the title and privilege; why would you need it now? It brought nothing but the burden of responsibilities and expectations. They should have given it back to you back then—why now?
"You spied on me then," Rhaenyra said, nodding to herself as if that's the only thing her mind picked up on.
In her mind, you were now a threat to her plans. The realization that you had spied on her before made her question what might stop you from doing it again. She struggled to trust you after learning this. Initially, she thought Queen Alicent was slandering you, but the letter containing your pardon had forced her to confront the truth.
"All this time, I thought you were genuine with everything you showed me..." Her expression was a painful mix of betrayal, hurt, and anger. Her heart felt heavy with these emotions.
It made you feel sick in your stomach.
"The letters? You were writing them in front of me while I genuinely thought it was nothing!" Rhaenyra's voice was sharp with accusation. You averted your gaze.
"What did you write in them?"
"Information," you whispered.
"You know I didn't send t—..."
"It doesn't matter! You still wrote them, and they were stolen. Now they know whatever information you wrote. You have weakened me by depriving me of a potential ally." Her words made you crumble.
"They are never an ally," you gritted.
"And so are you. You are a traitor to the crown, the subjects, and to me." Rhaenyra was doing everything in her power not to breakdown. She couldn't believe you could betray her after all you had shared.
You smiled bitterly to yourself. You had seen this coming, but it still broke your heart. You had hoped she might overlook your past mistakes and forgive you, especially since you had stopped spying years ago and had known her since you were both young.
You were young and dumb, and certainly terrified. Terrified of how the world would treat you without the surname next to your name, albeit the responsibilities and expectations that came with it.
You wish you hadn't written those letters. You should have burned them when you had the chance, but the man stole them first, nearly costing you your life. Now, it might cost you your life.
You didn't pry off the hands on your arms when the Queen gave the order to send you away to what you fear: dungeons.
"You are fortunate that the Seven Gods are at your side. What you did is indictable of beheading."