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Resilience.
the ability to be happy, successful, and more again after something difficult or bad has happened.
An adjective that described those individuals that seemed always capable of facing whatever came their way without backing down, no matter how many times it may hit them.
Recovering and raising above themselves each and every time.
If asked to think of the most resilient person they knew many names would probably come to people’s heads, perduring at their worst and then rising along that.
In the current age of Japan one Umamusume was known for that very characteristic along with her incredible attitude.
A starry loser who would have never been anyone were it not for her drive to continue, a loser who’s race today marked her defeat number 80.
Under the rain, running on wet dirt she had her worst performance in the last year. Coming on tenth place on a ten person race that she had been so sure would go well.
Her trainer had spoken of this race as one where not many threatening Umas for her level would be participating, that this would be her chance to get that first victory she had been chasing for so long.
She wanted to fall into the ground, to shout desperately out of rage and despair. Swallowing it she waved at the spectators, smiling at them despite what her heart asked.
Avoiding doing her routine she began moving right away.
“Too muddy” Haru kicked a handful of dirt back while leaving the track, the wetness had slowed her pace down immensely today and at each part of the race she had struggled to make enough power to blast through everyone. “I’ll just have to do better next time!”
She smiled, she always had to smile even when she felt that her run had gone horribly, speaking loud enough for the spectators to hear her to maintain her character.
(Not a character Haru! This is who you are!) Running still felt good, and she loved it, yet today her defeat was one that stung enough for her to feel through that love for running she has. (…It’s just another loss…right?...)
It was not, she knew that, if it had been fact that she had done badly herself or that the others were too strong then she would have accepted this with a smile and continued on as she usually did.
But no.
She lost due to luck. The weather came at the last moment and stopped what might have been her first victory, a ticket into an even bigger stage and the winning live.
All without any real warning or way for her to prepare herself for it.
Her legs trembled with both pain and frustration as she entered the runners tunnel, each step hurt in ways it hadn’t before, holding a smile felt harder and harder each moment.
Tears threatened to start an endless stream of every cumulative failure she’d held, every fear of her never reaching what she desired coming to fruition. (Hold it in and smile Haru…you can’t falter now) So she stretched the grin, nobody would notice its wrongness here anyways.
Eventually she reached her assigned room in the racecourse, inside was her Trainer waiting, most likely worried about her as always. (…) She hesitated, he would note her attitude, he would realize that something was off about herself.
As one of the closest people to herself here Haru was sure he would be able to recognize if her smile was not as real as it should. “Come on” Lifting her hands she slapped herself on both cheeks, breathing slowly once more before getting all the frustration her little body held down. “Trainer!”
She burst open through the door. “It was so hard to run today!” walking wobbly towards the seats. “The ground became so woosh! And I went down and slipped and…and” Halfway through her ramble she stopped, only now she noted that nobody else was here.
There was no need for her smile to hold right now. “Trainer?” Her voice a whisper her eyes swept the room again. “Are…are you really not here?”
All pretense of things being fine were dropped, Haru turned quickly towards the exit and into the runner’s tunnel, taking the opposite side from where she’d come.
Frantically she watched as the entrance that connected the spectator stands with their area remained locked, a security guard standing in front of the door quietly waiting for the teams to leave for the day.
Seeing her approach he stopped, recognizing her in an instant. “Miss Haru Urara?” Tasting the words, sure about who he was talking to but not sure how to approach it.
“Yes! That’s me” Zeroing on the man as soon as she heard her name she walked as fast as her exhausted legs allowed her, almost stumbling into the ground. “I wanted to ask if-” She was cut off.
Raising his hand he stopped. “-I had seen your trainer? I have a message from him actually” Turning her panic into confusion, which Haru only now realized that it had made her drop her persona.
“Phew!” Loudly and kind off exaggerated was her attempt at looking relieved when she was not. “So you know where he is!?” Giving the guard the best happy stare she could.
Seeing his expression soften somewhat she knew it went alright. “He had some sort of emergency call from somewhere, claiming to have called Tracen’s secretary to take care of your return to the Academy” It was relieving to think he hadn’t been so incredibly disappointed in her to the point of leaving but now another worry was dropped in her heart.
However now she was in Tazuna’s hands, a woman she knew from more than just being the secretary. “Thank you for your help!” Waving the man goodbye Haru went back the way she came, once more ending up in her assigned room.
The door was closed behind her…and she collapsed.
Trembling uncontrollably the racer felt her legs finally give out, falling knee first into the cold floor and slumping forward as her breath began to lose control.
Haru had tried to ignore it up until now, but after such a disastrous race her body felt on the breaking point. (My stretches, I should…do…my stretches) Painfully she twisted herself into a better position, distracting herself with her body as to not think of her trainer for now.
She spent a while in the floor, trying her best to keep her face with the same optimistic smile despite nobody being around just for the same of consistency.
Slowly working up her body to let it relax and reduce the pains he felt.
-CRACK-
Halfway through a movement she felt her joints pop, a sharp momentary pain suddenly turning dull. “Phew…it feels better” Muttering to herself.
With her stretching over Haru laid backwards facing up, simply staring at the ceiling in contemplation.
The clock in the room continued ticking, here she could only think of her failure. (80…80 tries and the furthest I’ve gotten is third) And now her biggest chance had turned to be a flop, her trainer had some sort of emergency and her feet hurt like never before due to the effort.
Little tears began to fall from her eyes the more she thought about it, every moment her brain just circled those topics, trapped in a loop of thoughts that pushed her mood further and further down.
She didn’t feel like moving, she didn’t feel like smiling, she didn’t feel that need to run. Haru just wanted to lay here, lay here until something gave her an actual way out of the pit she’s dug herself in ever since enrolling in Tracen.
(Maybe I should have listened to mom…maybe it really was a stupid fantasy) The tears poured harder, her breath hitching every few seconds as Haru finally let all of her pain and frustration out in a wail of misery.
For once, she was not believing in her dream.
“why…why am like this…?”
There she would remain for ten minutes, ten long minutes of her misery just shown to herself and nobody else.
Leaving it out for the first time in years, letting herself not smile and feel horrible once in her entire racing career.
Just for her to see…because she still had not given up.
Maybe believing might be impossible right now, but even through that her resolve would not waver, her desire was worth pursuing. Haru Urara was a beautiful ideal she would forever hold to the highest of standings and she refuses to let it rot.
To achieve her dream she’d get back up once more, just not at this moment.
…
Hours later Haru was seen exiting the Kochi Racecourse, nothing seemingly out of place with the girl other than how messy she looked.
Truth to be told, there was some satisfaction in having cried, in having just spilled her guts out in the floor for a while. (There’s…a lightness in my chest after all of this) She was smiling, not the usually large and radiant smile but a pure one.
Her smiles would normally hold some pain or frustration within them, every waking second was secrecy and struggles for her so despite the happiness at just being able to run and pursue her dream negativity tented to sweep into them.
But after letting it all out, there was none to do so with this one.
And just like that, Haru had gotten up once more after falling to her lowest.
For she was Haru Urara a determined Uma who would not stop until her dream is fulfilled.
Her Resilience would one day pay off, even if she had to fall a thousand more times.
—END—
—Mystic—
