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Izuku wiped the sweat from his brow, and took a step back to admire his work. His bedroom, completely barren except for the presence of his bed and desk. It was a bit of a somber sight, seeing his room devoid of all of the items that reflected the person who once lived there. The walls were littered with holes where his numerous hero-themed posters hung. His desk looked like a skeleton without all of his notebooks stacked about. He took one last look at his bedroom before turning off the light, and carrying the last box from the room.
“Remember to hand wash your binders frequently. Let them air-dry. Take at least one day a week off from binding to rest your body. If it feels too tight, do not hesitate to change out. Keep a sports bra wherever you go just in case. Even if you’re out with-”
“Mom, I know how to take care of myself. Don’t worry! I’ll be fine!” Izuku assured his nervous mother. Inko gave a sad smile, then looked a little more serious.
“Just remember, you don’t have to come out to anyone if you’re not comfortable with it. You are not obligated to tell anyone. Don’t feel forced to.” Inko added. Izuku gave her a smile in return.
“I know, Mom. I wasn’t planning on telling anyone. Not yet, anyway.” before Inko could stop herself, she pulled her son into crushing yet gentle hug, something that only a mother could accomplish.
“I’m really going to miss you, Izuku.” Inko said into Izuku’s shoulder. Izuku hugged her back with the same force, burying his nose into her hair. She smelled like laundry detergent and perfume.
“I’ll miss you too, Mom.” Inko pulled away and grasped her son’s shoulders. She stared directly into his eyes.
“Don’t forget our deal.” Inko was very serious.
“I won’t worry you anymore.” Izuku answered confidently.
-
It had been about a week since the students of U.A. transferred to the dorms, and everyone soon found their rhythm. Some students like Bakugou and Tokoyami preferred to spend their time either in their respective rooms, or doing individual training. Others, like Ashido and Kirishima, did quite the opposite and enjoyed being with the other students in their common space.
Izuku, at first overwhelmed by the sudden change at first, also developed a new sense of normalcy. However, he discovered that there were things that he had to be more secretive about. One of these things was binding. Usually, right after he got home from school, he would change out of his binder and exchange it for a comfortable sports bra. He never had to worry about not wearing his binder at home as he knew that his mother would still see him as her son. His classmates, however, he wasn’t so sure.
Instead of openly hand-washing his binders, he now had to revert back to being secretive about it, and finding time when everyone was away from the dorms or sleeping. This gave izuku a dreadful sense of deja vu, reminding him of when he was still closeted to his mother. He took every opportunity when his mother had gone out or went to bed early to wash his binder without her knowing until he finally told her.
With Izuku’s first week at the dorms coming to a close, Izuku decided that he could no longer put off washing his binders, and made a plan. He would have to wait until everyone was asleep and use the kitchen sink, as the dorm laundromat was locked past curfew.
-
Izuku closed his door as quietly as he could, and tip-toed his way to the kitchen, being extremely careful to not disturb his classmates. He figured that they would not be pleased if they were woken up at three AM. He even took the extra precaution of stuffing his binders down his shirt to hide them from view of he were to be caught.
When he reached the kitchen, he put the stopper in the sink, put some soap in the bottom, and slightly twisted the handle of the cold water. Not enough for the full force of the faucet, but enough that water would slowly fill the sink and not make too much noise. Izuku winched at the light pang of the stream of water hitting the bottom of the metal sink, but relaxed as the found wasn’t too loud. Izuku checked over his shoulder jerkily, double checking that the coast was clear, and placed his four binders in the slowly growing pool of water. Izuku let himself relax a bit while he waited for the sink to fill, slightly giving in to the fatigue after another harsh day of training. Once the sink was filled, Izuku snapped himself awake, and turned the handle back to its original position. He rolled up his sleeves, and began to work.
Izuku dipped his hands into the cold, soapy water and grasped one of his binders. He slowly moved it around the water to mix the soap into it before lifting it out of the water to wring it out. He did this several times before moving on to the next binder. On the third binder, he felt a pang in his stomach. He wasn’t sure if his sleep-deprived mind was playing tricks on him, but he could have sworn he could hear light footsteps coming from the hallway, and approaching. His body felt like it had been frozen as he panicked.
“Midoriya?” Izuku jumped even though he was expecting it. He turned around and was greeted with a very tired looking Todoroki.
“Todoroki, what are you doing up so late?”
“I should ask you the same.”
Izuku laughed and scratched the back of his head nervously, internally trying not to explode. Todoroki gave an odd look and strode over to the fridge. He opened the fridge, retrieved a pitcher of cool water. He then shifted right next to Izuku to grab a glass from the cupboard. Izuku squeaked in surprise, and tried his best to both move out of his way and hide his view from the sink at the same time. Todoroki retrieved his glass and raised an eyebrow at Izuku’s erratic movements, then shifted his gaze down to the sink, where one of Izuku’s binders was peeking out from the bubbles in the water. Todoroki’s eyes widened in recognition.
“Midoriya, are those binders?” Izuku wanted to curl up and die. He hid his face in his hands and turned his back to Todoroki. It took all he had not to run back to his room, but he knew he would be leaving his binders in plain view and he would wake his other classmates. Todoroki immediately felt guilty. Upsetting his classmate was not his intention. Todoroki looked down in shame. There was only one way to make up for this.
“You know, you aren’t alone in this.” Todoroki spoke softly. This caught Izuku’s attention. He slowly turned about to face his friend, curiosity blooming in his misty eyes. Suddenly, Izuku’s eyes widened in realization.
“Y-you mean that… you too-”
“I’m not transgender, I'm agender.” Todoroki revealed truthfully. Izuku was surprised. Who knew that there would be another genderqueer person at U.A.? In his class no less. Todoroki looked like he had more to say, so Izuku respectfully waited and listened.
“Growing up, I realized that I've never felt like a boy or girl. Neither of this labels felt like me. I tried telling my father when I was younger, what a mistake that was.” Todoroki gave a bitter laugh and an emotionless smile at the ground.
“He refused to hear me out, and he still does. He told me that I was his perfect 'son' and 'masterpiece' and that I didn't 'have time to indulge in delusions'.” Izuku gave an empathetic look. He knew how it felt to be rejected. If his hellish years in middle school taught him anything, it was that not everyone could be as accepting as his mother or Bakugou are, even if Bakugou refused to say it out loud.
“I guess what I'm trying to say is that if you need someone with common ground to talk to about this kind of stuff, I'll be here.” Todoroki added, rather shyly.
“T-that goes for y-you too!” Izuku blurted, then immediately slapped his hands against his mouth, remembering that he was supposed to be quiet. Todoroki gave a relieved smile, and finally drank from his glass.
“How did you know these were binders?” Izuku asked, lifting one from the water.
“What questioning kid hasn't turned to the internet for answers? I did a lot of research on transgender identity before I knew I was agender.” Todoroki answered simply. It made perfect sense to Izuku. He himself conducted many late-night journeys through websites, Internet forums, and YouTube channels for answers.
Todoroki finished his water, placed the glass on the counter, and began to walk back to his room.
“What pronouns do you use?” Izuku asked. Todoroki stopped, and smiled at Izuku.
“They/Them. Thanks for asking.” With that, Todoroki retreated to the hallway, leaving Izuku alone in the dark kitchen. Izuku smiled to himself, and returned to his washing, the weight on his shoulders feeling way lighter than before. He didn't have to carry it alone anymore. He had someone to share the weight with. That thought made Izuku grin to himself. He hurriedly finished washing his binders before anyone else could walk in on him, and hung his binders to dry in his room.
-
Having someone to talk to about his gender identity was both strange and amazing. Izuku had never met another genderqueer individual in person before, so he wasn’t aware of the topics that would be too personal for him to discuss with Todoroki. However, once he had broken the ice with Todoroki, he learned that there were virtually no boundaries that should be kept away from. He found that Todoroki thought about these things as well, and they had established early-on that they did not have to hold back from anything during their conversations. This is what made it amazing for both of them. The two of them grew closer as a result, and soon became very good friends.
Izuku had a lot of things piling on him that he needed to let out, and Todoroki was a very good listener. They always sat there with a friendly gaze, willing to listen to anything, even when Izuku would bring up topics that Todoroki could not relate to, such as binding. Izuku would go on and on about issues that he was having, and Todoroki listened, occasionally responding or agreeing. After Izuku had gotten it all out of his system, he discovered that Todoroki also had a lot of things on their chest. Most of their problems seemed to stem from their father, Endeavor, Izuku noticed. Izuku had grown up thinking that Endeavor was an amazing person, able to resolve conflicts in a flash and save everyone who was in trouble. This changed his perspective drastically. Todoroki’s stories of his harsh and secluded childhood revealed a new side to Endeavor that Izuku would not have thought to be possible when he was younger. Izuku had never thought that he could hate a hero, but now he wasn’t so sure.
-
“Your hair is getting pretty long.” Izuku noted upon greeting Todoroki on break from class in the hallway.
“Yeah, I’m trying to grow it out a bit.” Todoroki said, flipping a lock of their dual-colored hair behind their ear. Their hair was now a little ways past their jaw.
“Oh, that’s cool. Anything in particular that you want to do with it?” Izuku asked. Todoroki’s eyes lit up.
“I’ve always admired hair buns, and have wanted one for as long as I could remember. I always liked how my sisters looked with them, but my father ever allowed me to grow my hair very long.” Todoroki explained, their expression getting slightly more solemn as their sentence progressed.
“You should totally grow it out! You’ll look so nice! It’ll make you look more androgynous, too.” Izuku piped in. This made Todoroki smile. It was a nice sight. This was a perk of being able to talk to Todoroki about things like this openly. Izuku was one of the only people that got to see Todoroki smile so bright. It suited their face much more than their usual poker face.
The next day, Todoroki came into class with their hair pulled into a small ponytail, as their hair was too short to fit into a bun just yet, only leaving a few stray red and white hairs astray across their forehead. Their scar was clearly visible, but that didn’t seem to bother Todoroki in the slightest. Many of Class 1-A gave Todoroki compliments on their new look, and a small smile fixated itself on their face that never seemed disappear for the entire day. Izuku loved seeing his friend so happy, and a smile of his own came over his face.
-
“Hey Todoroki, do you feel dysphoria?” Izuku wondered, glancing over at Todoroki, who was seated in a chair adjacent to the couch that Izuku had perched himself on in the common room of the dorms. Todoroki looked thoughtful for a moment, then answered.
“For you it feels like you’re wrong all over, right? And you constantly worry about being feminine?” Izuku nodded. “It’s kind of like that for me, but not quite.”
“What’s the difference?” Izuku questioned curiously.
“For me, I just have times when I long to have attributes that aren’t associated with either gender. It’s hard to explain. I guess I could have the perfect blend of a female and male body to be perfectly in the middle.” Todoroki explained.
“I think I get it. You feel bad about yourself because you have a masculine body, but you’re not a masculine person.” Izuku inquired.
“Yeah, basically.” Izuku looked down at his lap with a guilty face.
“I hope that you don’t take this the wrong way, but I’m kind of jealous of you.” Todoroki snapped their head to Izuku’s bowed head with a surprised expression on their face. Izuku had never mentioned anything like this before. “You were born with a masculine body. That’s what I’ve always wanted. I know that you don’t like being masculine, but I can’t help but be jealous sometimes.” Izuku blurted. Todoroki’s face softened into a knowing look.
“To be completely honest, I’m kind of jealous of you sometimes too.” Izuku’s eyebrows shot up to his hairline, and stared at Todoroki with a look that demanded an explanation.
“When you wear smaller clothes or when you don’t bind you look more androgynous, and that makes me jealous.” Todoroki said quietly, in obvious shame. The two of them sat there, stealing shy glances at each other every few seconds, their eyes darting back and forth. Slowly but surely, the nervous atmosphere lifted, and the mood lightened. Izuku began to giggle while the edges of Todoroki’s mouth curled upward. Soon, giggles and smiles became heavy laughing and soft chuckles. When the two had let it out of their systems, they gave pitiful smiled at each other.
“Talk about the grass being greener on the other side.” Todoroki snickered.
“Yeah, no kidding.” Izuku agreed, feeling much lighter than he had earlier. “It’s nice to know that I wasn’t the only one that felt like this.”
“It’s always nice to know that you’re not alone.” Izuku smiled in agreement.
“Yeah, it is.”