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[5]
Yuuri Katsuki looked like he was a shy boy.
Victor noticed him in passing because they were competing on the same rink, and it was not as if there were many skaters like them as it was. Unlike Chris, or even JJ, the new skater from Japan was actually rather nondescript; he bowed politely when greeted, talked softly when spoken to, and pretty much seemed to do his best to blend in the background.
He did, however, follow Victor with his eyes.
It was no bother, really, and anyway, Victor was used to people staring. There was just something about the younger man, too, that piqued Victor's interest in turn. It was like one of those things, times when you just inexplicably liked somebody, as though you have known them all your life. Somehow, you just want to be their friend.
Yuuri Katsuki was obviously a fan, but he did not approach Victor. Victor thought there were a few times when he was about to do so, but every time, Yuuri Katsuki just seemed to back down at the last minute. He grew worse, too, when he seemed to flub his routine at the last stretch of the program. It was not due to a lack of talent, though, as far as Victor could see. Yuuri just seemed... anxious about something, and he looked distracted there on the rink. It was a shame.
The last time Victor saw him was when they were about to leave the venue. He caught Yuuri staring again, and thinking to help out this time (or maybe do his part, since by that point, it was not as if he was not watching Yuuri in turn), he smiled and threw out:
"A commemorative photo? Sure!"
What Victor failed to grasp, however, was the extent of Yuuri's shyness. The younger man just bowed his head and turned away, leaving Victor to blink at the back of his head.
It was a surprise, therefore, when months later, Yakov suddenly sent him a link to a video. Watch it, Yakov had written on the text, and with nothing better to do, Victor immediately clicked the link.
It was uncanny. The shy boy Victor remembered from the last Grand Prix seemed different on this unknown ice rink. He did not seem as though he was a completely different person, no - it was still him, with that boy-next-door charm, but he was more relaxed in the video, instead of having that deer-in-the-headlights look he had back in competition.
The words to "Stay Close to Me" were faint but undeniable in the background. Victor almost did not need it, for even with the poor volume, he could clearly imagine the music, just watching Yuuri skate.
Victor wished he was more gifted with words, for then perhaps he could better describe what he felt when he saw Yuuri skating to his program. Yuuri danced and swayed along with the pained melody and he skated to the song as though the longing there was fuel for his spins and jumps. But because Victor's grasp on words were not quite up to par, he could only describe it later to Yakov in the way it first passed through his mind at that moment of discovery: watching that video, it almost felt like falling in love.
[4]
Yuuri, up close, was adorable.
Victor confirmed it: Yuuri was a fan. His room was filled with Victor Nikiforov memorabilia, from the posters that were almost wallpapers on the wall, to the framed photos of Victor that Yuuri apparently favored.
Victor had not meant to peek; he really just wanted to talk to Yuuri and get to know him better. Yuuri, of course, had been mortified when he found Victor in his room and promptly burst into full blown panic. Victor, on the other hand, spent the three minutes of Yuuri's nervous breakdown taming his own embarrassment. After all, who would not feel embarrassed? Of course, he had encountered fans before, but he never entered their rooms, and so this was... this was an entirely different experience altogether.
Fortunately for him, between the two of them, age was on Victor's side. He was able to rein the flush on his face sooner than Yuuri could contain his panic. In the end, Victor was well enough to tease him about it, and eventually even used the knowledge as leverage (blackmail) to get Yuuri to train more.
"Now, now, Yuuri. It is almost as if you do not wish to hear the lessons I am imparting. Am I not your hero anymore? Were those posters just remnants of the past that you just did not care enough to remove?"
"God, just please shut up about that."
It was adorable how Yuuri responded - a mix of believable agony and grave-deep embarrassment. Victor delighted in Yuuri's reactions. They both knew Yuuri still idolized Victor, and while Victor was never one to feel overly proud of people admiring him in the past, somehow Yuuri pulled it out of him, and he revelled in such things now.
Anyway, it was good for the both of them to have motivation, because truly, Yuuri needed a lot of work. He was... fuller, than any skater Victor knew. Technically, he remembered Yuuri to be slimmer than this, but boy, did he let himself go after the competition.
But if Victor were to be honest about it, Yuuri's figure was only a problem because of the skating. It was not unpleasant, per se, and actually, it was even kind of adorable, too. Victor had started skating early and went through a rather spartan lifestyle because of his training, but even without that, his was not the body type to grow fat. Yuuri, on the other hand, had to work hard to keep slim, for otherwise, his arms tended to grow flabby and his body could grow like a pear.
Victor found it... cute.
Of course, as Yuuri's coach, Victor knew not to say such a thing. One should not encourage counterproductive habits, after all, and Yuuri's love for katsudon needed restraining, not enabling.
Victor found himself teasing Yuuri constantly. He called him "piggy", which riled up Yuuri quite beautifully. Yuuri definitely didn't like it, the same way he didn't like it when Victor teased him about his love life (or lack, thereof). At the same time, however, it did not seem as if he knew how to get angry, and so his half-hearted scolding and intense blushing only encouraged Victor's teasing. It was fun for Victor, and anyway, he had been known to tease the people he was fond of.
Yuuri did eventually lose the weight he needed to return to skating. Victor still called him "piggy" mostly out of affection now, but Yuuri never seemed to realize that. It seemed to confuse him, and he even asked (whined to) Victor about being called that name when he was already at the right weight. He was actually a bit dense, Yuuri Katsuki.
Some days, though, particularly when Yuuri laid heaving on the pavement, having run the distance Victor made him run (it was amazing, actually, for Victor only thought to test him, but apparently Yuuri can run the length of the entire city - twice), Victor would remember when Yuuri still looked the piggy from months prior. Sometimes, he found he missed that Yuuri, and sometimes, he would think that maybe it wouldn't be so bad. When Yuuri decides to retire, it probably wouldn't hurt, if Victor let him gain a bit of that old weight back.
[3]
Yuuri was... well, "sexy" probably was not the first word - probably not even one of the first ten words - one would think to describe Yuuri.
Yuuri realizing Eros, though, was a revelation.
It was funny, at first. Yuuri was apparently one of those rare virgins in their mid-20's. Victor even had a guilty moment when he wondered if he was corrupting Yuuri to a certain extent, giving him this program.
Assigning Eros to Yuuri seemed like a good idea at the time. Yurio was full of angry, teenager energy, and so Agape would have been the kind of challenge he needed to stretch his understanding of skating. Eros, on the other hand, was the more mature routine and obviously had to go to the skater who was legal. But apart from that, Victor had also hoped that Eros would help Yuuri overcome his shyness.
Working with a person who never had a lover, never even had a girlfriend, did pose as a bit of a challenge. Eros was undeniably sexual love, and so it did need sexual energy at least to some extent. Victor asked Yuuri if he ever liked somebody, but Yuuri kept describing these vague images that were insufficient muses for Eros. Victor then thought to ask if Yuuri ever admired or wanted anyone even if that said someone was not a potential partner, like a local idol, or a celebrity...
That was when he remembered the posters in Yuuri's room. Victor promptly shut his mouth, and he did not ask - but he did keep it in mind.
He supposed it was his fault, in the end. To be fair though, it was not as though there were many alternatives, and there was no one else in the rink when they practiced (there used to be Yurio, but he was not always around when it was Yuuri's turn to practice his whole routine). Between the two of them, of course Yuuri would be the one to exude the part, and Victor... well, it was just logical, wasn't it? Victor had used the words "seduce me" because they lacked other targets.
Yuuri, though... Yuuri was a good student, with a good ear, apparently. He listened well to instructions, and delivered.
When Yuuri skated Eros during his competition with Yurio, Victor knew that the other had had a breakthrough. Yuuri's movements were more fluid, more relaxed, and he brought so much heat with him on that rink that it was impossible to think that he was still imagining katsudon. Yuuri was seductive there on the ice, and Victor watched him first with fascination, then with raised eyebrows, and then ended up just outright staring at him wide-eyed. Victor had been glad for the dim light, for by the end of Yuuri's program, Victor's chest was pounding with delight, and he felt flushed with the kind of excitement he couldn't remember last feeling.
Victor could not help but smile in amusement when Yuuri later explained how he imagined himself instead being the woman, and how that helped him channel the right persona into the routine. But then, Victor had gone on along with the whole katsudon idea, so going along with the woman this time was no hard feat.
Anyway, Yuuri seemed to appreciate Victor's efforts. He told Victor so one day. "You meet me where I am, and push me from there. You do not laugh at me, even though I know my methods are sometimes silly."
"Hmm? What is this?" Victor had quipped with a smile. "Are you giving me feedback on my performance as your coach?"
Yuuri grinned, sort of rolled his eyes, but he blushed, too. "I'm thanking you," he said, and he smiled a soft smile that Victor could not help but return.
He kept improving, too. Eventually, he was landing those quad salchows consistently in practice. Eventually, too, though Yuuri did not seem to notice, his movements began to change. The steps came to him more naturally, and while he moved fluidly still, it was no longer so clear if one were following the silhouette of a woman or a man. Yuuri seemed like he was somewhere in between, or somewhere beyond it, something uniquely him. It was that odd, inexplicable sort of charm that pulled one to watch him from beginning to end, and still think it beautiful, even though one had already watched the program a hundred times over. Victor could watch Yuuri everyday.
Finally, when they came to China, Yuuri somehow seemed to find something else to add to his magic. It was what Victor had grown to call it - Yuuri's pull, that thing that came out when he skated that made it difficult to look away.
When Victor told Yuuri to skate as he was, Yuuri did something even better: he boldly met him straight in the eyes, even pressing their foreheads together before saying, "Don't ever take your eyes off me."
And Victor didn't. He couldn't. Throughout that routine, he could not help but flush, could not help but grin. He must have looked silly, watching Yuuri with wide eyes and a wide smile, but it was inevitable, for watching Yuuri seduce you with his Eros was just nothing short of amazing.
[2]
Yuuri was just full of surprises.
He was a treasure trove of pure and innocent things and he kept surprising Victor time and time again. It was thrilling. Victor loved surprises, and Yuuri was a gift that just kept on giving.
Of course, it was sometimes also maddening, too. Yuuri had his moments. Not all surprises were the good kind. Yuuri could actually be rather stubborn, and he had injured himself once or twice pulling the kinds of stunts he did even after Victor explicitly told him not to do something. He had banged his face against a wall, fell unpleasantly on the ice - one time even almost breaking a wrist, landing on it after a fall - and Victor had had to nurse him back before scolding him for disobeying and worrying his coach.
But overall, so much of what Yuuri did were things that Victor enjoyed. Sometimes, they were not really big surprises, but just subtle ones that were still memorable and still mattered.
Victor was not a perfect coach by any stretch. Yakov had already expressed his disapproval of Victor's sudden decision to become a coach, but the older man would outright laugh if he knew the kinds of things Victor got up to. It was also at that time in China, right before Yuuri's short program. They ate at a nice restaurant - Yuuri's friends came, but the details were a bit vague to Victor given his state by that point. Victor had had a bit too much to drink and Yuuri ended up needing to drag/carry him back to their shared hotel room.
"I'm sorry, Yuuri," he apologized later, when Yuuri had brought him to bed. "I got carried away and drank too much again. But you'll be fine tomorrow even without me functioning, I am sure of it."
Yuuri just scrunched up his nose at the apology. "You can really be a handful at times," he said with clear disapproval. Victor ended up grinning though (at least, he thought he grinned), because even like that, Yuuri was still kind of cute.
He had already given Victor water to drink, so now he sat on the bed beside him. He placed a hand on Victor's forehead as if to check on him, but Victor could not help but close his eyes to it, too. Yuuri's hand was cool against Victor's flushed skin and it felt wonderful, especially with that weight on his tired eyes.
Yuuri took care of him that night, which had been a pleasant surprise. Victor slept through most of it, and he was not feeling anywhere close to great in the morning. But he did wake up with Yuuri beside him, and that was always a plus.
More on not being the perfect coach (Victor was on a roll, really, in China), just days later, lost as he was on how to comfort or motivate Yuuri, he ended up saying something even doubly devastating before Yuuri's free skate program.
Yuuri scolded him for it.
It had been a while since Victor had last been scolded. Even from Yakov, in recent years, Victor mostly received frowning grunts, which from the old coach was actually his version of approval. It had been a while since Victor was last told that he was bad at something.
"Just have more faith than I do that I will win!" Yuuri had cried. "You don't have to say anything. Just stay close to me!"
It was a strange experience, being told how to be with someone. Victor realized then that people could go through life trying to figure how to be or how to act with somebody. When how you are and what another person needed did not go well together, then it was only natural not to pursue that relationship. But when somebody told you what they needed and told you how to comfort them, then, did that not mean that you mattered enough, that they acknowledged that you did have that ability to console them, if you but only knew how?
He and Yuuri, they were a team. This was what Victor thought as he led Yuuri back into the rink. They stood by one another and that was the important thing. If Victor made a mistake, Yuuri would pull him back and tell him how to do it better, which, up until then, Victor had thought was only the other way around, given that he was the coach. But Yuuri seemed to recognize first that theirs was a relationship where there should be give and take. In this sense, he was an easy person to take care of. Victor could trust Yuuri to tell him when something was not working.
He still was not entirely confident of his role as coach given the events of the day, but that, at least, had been a wonderful thing, even a comfort, to discover.
Victor had already been moved as it was, and so watching Yuuri in that free skate program only served to warm his already active heart. It did not help either that Yuuri had never been that relaxed even in practice, and so the music just seemed to flow through him, making him even more wonderful to watch. Yuuri was beautiful there on the ice, and Victor could feel that same tightening in his chest whenever he watched the other, especially in recent days.
When Yuuri did the quad flip though, that... that was the last straw. It was crazy; Yuuri was crazy. Apparently, nailing those combination jumps on the second half was not this program's biggest surprise. Yuuri had never even attempted the quad flip in practice, more focused as they had been in just nailing the quads that he already had under his belt.
But then, the quadruple flip had always been...
Victor could not take it. He did not even let himself finish the thought. It was useless, however, because all the same, he could hear the announcers say it about Yuuri, too: "The quadruple flip is a signature jump of Victor Nikiforov, his coach, but not even Nikiforov would attempt a jump this difficult at the end of a program, when fatigue would be at its peak. Here is a man who will go above and beyond our expectation..."
Victor could not hear the rest clearly, so loud was the blood rushing through his ears. His face felt all too hot, and his eyes felt as though they were tearing up.
The next thing he knew, he was running to the kiss and cry, running to Yuuri. It was crazy, but really it was Yuuri's fault, because somehow these things just kept happening around him. Never had Victor been so surprised by anyone - moved by anyone - and so when he ended up jumping Yuuri and kissing him even before he got off the ice, well... Victor would chalk it up to being taken by surprise, and Yuuri deserving to be surprised in turn every once in a while, too.
[1]
Yuuri Katsuki was not a selfish person. He never demanded anything from Victor, and if anything, despite being the athlete, despite having the full right to demand from the world all that he needed to get to gold, Yuuri never asked of Victor more than Victor was willing to give.
Victor never had anyone to take care of before. He had always been told to take care of himself, to be the best that he could be. For the longest time, nearly all his life, skating and being the best at it had been his reason for living and his source of fulfillment.
Being with Yuuri, however, had shown him something vastly different. Victor found that he liked living beyond himself, that having somebody who found comfort in him, found strength in him, was something altogether foreign before Yuuri came along, but it was something Victor could grow used to. It was better, even, than being on the ice himself.
He began longing to know what else Yuuri wanted. He wanted to know what else Yuuri needed, had to know what else Victor could yet give. But Yuuri was not selfish, so he seldom asked Victor for things upfront.
In fact, Yuuri never asked from Victor even half of what Victor was willing to give, which was silly, because nowadays, it felt as though there was little he would deny Yuuri. Still, it seemed as though Yuuri was the one who kept giving more of himself, at the end of the day.
Victor still could not forget Yuuri's face when he sent Victor off back to Japan, to be with Makkachin if worse came to worst. Victor would not have asked it; when he heard the news, he had already resigned himself to the possibility of losing his long-time friend without even getting to say goodbye.
It was Yuuri who insisted that Victor go back.
"Nothing is worth not being beside somebody you love, especially at a time when they need you the most! Go home, Victor. I will be fine!"
He said it with tears in his eyes, too, the silly thing. He obviously did not want to be alone, but it was brave of him, to set those feelings aside so Victor could be with Makkachin.
Nothing is worth not being beside somebody you love. Victor could not help but smile. Silly Yuuri. Did he not realize that either way, Victor would end up leaving behind someone dear to him? Did Yuuri still not understand?
Victor was pulled out from his thoughts by a soft paw landing on his knee. He looked down then, and smiled at Makkachin.
"You miss Yuuri, too, Makkachin? What is it?" His eyes were led on the list of flights that flashed overhead. He had been looking up at it impatiently ever since he arrived. Now, it finally flashed the words Victor had been waiting for for hours.
His breath caught in his throat. Yuuri's plane had landed.
Oh, he missed Yuuri. He felt it most keenly now, when Yuuri was finally so close. He remembered their last call, Yuuri telling him that he barely made it into qualifying for the Grand Prix Final. He even apologized to Victor for not doing as well as they both hoped, and he promised to do much better once they were back in competition.
Yuuri was not selfish. He never thought to blame Victor for his performance in the free skate. He did not tell Victor that he should have been there, as his coach, as his friend, or whatever else he was to Yuuri in those days.
And so, in the end, Victor could not help himself. Seeing Yuuri on the other side of the glass, coming out from arrival, Victor found himself running to where the doors were. Yuuri, too, looked like he could not wait to be with Victor as well. The ache in Victor's chest only grew worse seeing Yuuri running alongside him, to the point that he could barely breathe.
He opened his arms in front of those doors and Yuuri ran, falling easily into Victor's embrace.
Yuuri was a precious thing. He was never selfish. That was why Victor knew how much it took for him to say what he did then, after he hugged Victor back just as tightly, as though their days apart had been difficult for him as well, and that this moment now was relief, finally.
"Please be mine until I retire," said Yuuri, his face looking as though he would cry. "Until I retire, please take care of me!"
That was how Victor realized it: it was not only selfishness, nor even Yuuri's newly found boldness. In that moment, Yuuri was also at one of his most honest. Yuuri never asked for things like this, so doing so now, with all its consequences - his monopoly of Victor, his taking everything from him within that time, even Victor's skating - was a wonder. And yet, Only until you retire, Yuuri?
Victor knew that Yuuri must have missed him, too, as much as Victor missed him during their time apart. He heard it in their last call, when instead of being angry about Victor's absence, all Yuuri said was that he wished Victor could have been there. Victor heard it when Yuuri said he was coming home, that he could not wait to see him again, and begged Victor to please be there when he arrived.
Victor could not help but smile. Yuuri should really learn to ask for more. He still did not even ask for half of what Victor was willing to give. Victor would have given him the world.
Victor took that precious hand and kissed it. "It sounds like a marriage proposal, no?"
Yuuri looked surprised, but instead of his usual embarrased protests, he only returned a smile. He stepped back, too, into his coach's waiting arms, and Victor could not take it, how precious Yuuri had become to him.
Oh, my Yuuri. His arms wrapped around his charge even tighter. There truly was no one like him.
"I hope you never retire."
I hope I can love you forever.