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Footsteps echo around the hallway as Jason stomps his way into a Watchtower meeting room.
Sitting at the head of the table, dressed as Batman, Dick shuffles through a stack of papers. He glances over at his tablet- pulled up to the Watchtower’s security feed- waiting for his brother to inevitably make his way into the room.
Sighing, Dick sets the papers aside and gives a toothy grin as the door slides open. “What’s up, Little Wing?”
Jason, in full Red Hood gear sans helmet, points a finger at Dick. “Don’t fuck with me, dickface. You know why I’m here.”
Swiveling in his chair, Dick fakes a frown. “Nope. Not a clue why you would be here instead of in the cave, seeing as you have a concussion.”
“Who gives a shit about a concussion?” Jason stalks over to Dick and looms over him. “You took the keys to my fucking bike.”
Dick pushes his chair back and stands, turning his back to the table and leaning against it. “C’mon, Jay,” Dick loosely crosses his arms. “You think I would have the keys to your bike? You have a concussion. It’s Alfie’s rule that we can’t drive, not mine. So you came up here, before a Justice League meeting, mind you, for no reason.”
“Two things about that that I call bullshit on. One: I watched the fucking cave video and saw you swipe my keys. Two: There is no league meeting scheduled today.” Jason retorts with a smirk. He leans forward and around Dick, grabbing the stack of papers. He shakes them in front of Dick’s face and then starts to read them. “Nice little extra bit of paperwork. Real official.”
“Yeah, Jay. I print off paperwork about Lex Luthor’s newest death machines for fun.” Dick swipes the papers back from Jason’s hand. “Alfred told me to hide the keys, so you’re wasting your time. And, this is a last-minute meeting that Clark called, so you do have to leave before everyone shows up and wonders why Mr. Dufflebag of Heads is sitting in on the meeting.”
Making a shooing motion at Jason, Dick smirks.
Jason crosses his arms and sneers at Dick. “I’m not leaving until I have my keys, or I know where they are. Also, if Clark called the meeting, wouldn’t he be here?”
Dick drops his smirk, grabbing his tablet from the table as it starts to chirp, announcing the zeta beam is being activated. “Shit,” Dick mutters, swiping over to look at the security camera, watching where Clark goes first, “You’re forgetting the fact that Clark is almost as bad as Barry when it comes to being on time. And now Clark is making his way down the hallway.” The tablet chirps again. “Diana is here now, too. Shit.”
Looking up from the tablet, Dick looks from Jason to the table. “Hide under the table.”
“What?” Jason throws his hands up. “I’m not hiding under the fucking table.”
Dick grabs Jason’s shoulder and starts pushing him down. “You can and you will because someone wanted to stay dead and be a crime lord.” Jason glares at Dick, but starts to move under the table. “If you get caught, I’m taking you off our list.”
Jason flips Dick off.
“I’m not staying under here for more than 10 minutes, Dickface.” Jason grits out, scooting under the table. Dick squats down and looks under the table. Pulling the cowl over his head, he starts muttering under his breath while unlatching the cape. Standing back up, Dick drapes the cape over the chair and pushes it in, blocking Jason from view.
“Just stay down and stay quiet.” Dick grits out to Jason as he makes sure the rest of the meeting is ready.
The door swooshes open moments later, and Clark and Diana make their way into the room.
“Batman,” Clark greets cheerfully, giving Dick a trademark smile.
“Are you having a good day, Batman?” Diana asks, walking to her spot to the right of Batman’s. Diana gives a questioning look to the cape draped over the chair.
“Hmmph.” Is the only response that Dick gives as he passes a few papers to Diana. Clark also grabs some papers and starts putting them around the table as a handful more Leaguers start to walk into the room.
Dick’s tablet chirps and picks it back up, reading the messages
Lil’ Wing: You look stupid without the cape on.
Lil’ Wing: Actually, you just look stupid.
Big Bird: Y do u have a phone
Lil’ Wing: Why can't you spell still? I know English isn’t your first language, but Jesus H. Christ. That is atrocious.
Big Bird: I’m telling Agent A
Lil’ Wing: Fuck off and start your dumbass meeting.
Looking up, Dick takes count of a fairly full table. Taking a seat, he looks over at Clark and asks, “Are you ready to begin, Superman?”
Clark looks up, startled from his stack of notes, reaching for the board’s controller, and nods his head. “Yes, so as everyone can see on the papers in front of you, Lex is once again building an elaborate device to wreak mayhem.”
Pretending to take notes, Dick looks back down at his tablet.
Lil’ Wing: How often do you think that Clark just wants to say Lex is back on his bullshit?
Lil’ Wing: Actually, he’s never back on his bullshit. He never stops. He just continues his bullshit?
Lil’ Wing: Did replacement send you that TikTok edit of Lex acting evil, and it was talking about how he’s bald and torturing people who have hair? Honestly, it was pretty spot on.
Big Bird: Yeah I saw it
Big Bird: Lex is in love with Supes. U ever think it’s just like a shitty enemies to lovers thing?????
Lil’ Wing: 🤮
Lil’ Wing: Y’know, it’s pretty popular that people think you are supposed to be with Supes😝
Big Bird: Not me!!!!!!!!
Big Bird: Don’t fucking say that!!!!!!!!!
Big Bird: What the fuck is rong with you?!?!?!?
Lil’ Wing: Maybe learn how to spell, and I won’t send you the pages of fanfiction I could find.
Big Bird: Jack.
Big Bird: Ass.
Lil’ Wing: Sure, I might be, but I’m cramping under here, and you are running out of time.
Big Bird: Don’t you dare. I will tell Alfie about the vase you broke.
As Superman continues to rattle on about Lex’s evil plans, Dick takes in the rest of the room, trying to ignore Jason as he tries to pull a layer of armor off the batsuit.
Big Bird: Stop messing with my armor. DON’T STAB ME AGAIN!
Lil’ Wing: Big baby.
Diana is attentively listening to Clark on his right. Across the table, Shazam takes a pen and tries to write with it again. Dick watches as the other hero sighs and sets the pen down, then rests his chin in his hand. A few seats over, Manhunter watches Shazam and slides a pen over. Shazam smiles and lifts his head, noticing a few seconds too late, but reaching for the pen. The pen slides past Shazam and onto the floor.
“My bad,” Shazam mutters as he leans over the side of the chair to grab the pen off the floor. Closing his eyes, Dick takes a silent breath in, waiting for the inevitable. “Jeez, it fell further than I- um.”
Eyes wide, Shazam sits ramrod straight and looks right at Dick. Clark gets quiet, and everyone looks over at Shazam. “Uh, Batman, there is someone sitting by your feet.”
All eyes turn to Batman.
There is a beat of silence. Slowly, a few others start to look under the table.
Taking the reins, Dick responds, keeping his voice level, “Yes. There is.” Standing, Dick pushes his chair away and presses both hands against the table. “This was an improvised training exercise. Only one of you passed.”
“Batman,” Superman starts, setting his clicker on the table in front of him. He rubs at the bridge of his nose, “You really had someone hide under the table for a training exercise?”
“Yes.”
“Yes,” Jason mocks, coming to stand beside his brother. Jason rolls his eyes as several heroes reach for their weapons. “Jesus, stand down there, killers.”
“Batman, part of your training exercise includes having a known murderer and one of the League’s most wanted come into the Watchtower?” Diana questions, keeping her stance relaxed, but her hand resting on the hilt of her sword.
Dick turns and points a finger at Jason, “That’s it. I’m taking you off of the League's most wanted list.”
“What the hell?” Jason throws his hands up and gives Diana a look of betrayal. “That’s infringing on my civil liberties or some shit.”
“No, it’s not, and I don’t care,” Dick responds. He ignores motions for the rest of the League to sit down, grabbing his tablet. He side steps as Jason tries to take the tablet from his hand. “I’m taking you off, and my problem is solved.”
“What the hell?” Jason lunges for the tablet again, ignoring how the sudden movement makes his head spin. “You’re not my dad, you can’t do that.”
“Call it older brother privileges.” Dick snarks back as he puts the tablet behind his back.
The rest of the league is watching as Batman, a capeless one at that, continues to sidestep and move away from the Red Hood. Bewildered, Superman finally stands and moves to place a hand between both of them. Taking a breath, Superman looks between the two men before he finally sighs, “Batman, is it wise to remove him from our watch list?”
“No.” Jason grits out as he glares at Dick and then at Superman’s hand on his shoulder.
“Yes,” Dick responds at the same time. With extra emphasis, Dick continues, “He is reformed. He had some bad side effects.”
“I’ll show you a bad side effect.” Jason spits back with little heat behind it. He shakes Superman’s hand off his shoulder and takes a step back. He holds his palm open to Dick, “Just give me my keys, and I will be on my merry fucking way.”
“I still do not have your keys. I told you that earlier.” Dick responds, smacking Jason’s hand down. “I gave them away. Now, go back to the medbay, and later your ride will come to pick you up, and I will give the keys to them.”
“You’re a real dick.” Jason hisses out. Several sharp breaths sound throughout the room, waiting for Batman to snap and break the no-killing rule. To the surprise of everyone in the room, the corner of Batman’s mouth just slightly twitches.
“Good-bye, Hood.” Dick stares down his brother, leaving several tense moments as the Red Hood stares down Batman. “I will tell A about the vase.”
“That was-” Jason starts, cutting off as Dick slightly tilts his head. Jason clenches his fists. “Fuck you.”
Turning sharply, Jason stalks out of the meeting room.
Turning back towards the rest of the group, Batman takes a step forward and sits down. He gestures for Superman to continue. Superman takes a step back towards the board, clicking onto the next screen.
“Are we really just going to ignore that?” Shazam asks, looking around at the other leaguers who also seem confused, but have learned long ago not to question Batman.
“Uh hem, as I was saying, Lex will be setting-” pausing and his eyes flickering to the door, Superman slowly informs Batman, “Uh, Red Hood said,” several leaguers tense, expecting a brutal threat, “to tell you that you owe him ice cream.”
“Hmm.” Picking up his tablet, Dick looks at the newest message waiting for him.
Lil’ Wing: Because I think Superman is a big baby who won’t have any follow-through, I said, “Tell Batman that I am eating that dumb mother fuckers ice cream that he has left in his freezer and his dumbass is taking me out for ice cream later and buying.”
Lil’ Wing: Also, you look stupid.
Big Bird: luv u 2
Lil’ Wing: Fuck off
Big Bird: ♥️
Setting the tablet down, Dick resigns himself to listening to Clark drone on and silently suffering the loss of the mint chip in his freezer.
—
“So, did we know that Batman had a brother?” Shazam asks Green Arrow during monitor duty, a day after the meeting.
Green Arrow shakes his head, “I thought spooky was a cryptid or a demon or something of the sort. I never thought they could have a family. But, he has those kids, so I guess him having a brother isn’t actually all that crazy.”
“Right, that makes sense.” Shazam nods his head in agreement. “Wait? Batman has kids!”