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Dick walked into his apartment practically falling through the door. He shut it behind him and slumped against it, sighing admittedly dramatically.
His patrol was awful. It was supposed to be a simple drug bust but as he came face to face with the perp it was none other than Catalina Flores. The woman who'd sexually assaulted him when he was only sixteen years old.
Dick had never froze like that on a mission before. She along with her henchmen got away and it took Dick another half hour to calm down enough to get home.
"Rough day on the hero patrol?" Dick opened his eyes to see Slade Wilson sat far too comfortably on his couch, three swords spread on the table and one on his lap as he sharpened it.
It took less than two seconds for Dick to throw on a faux mask of normalcy to avoid suspicion from his boyfriend. The last thing he needed was for him to find out how broken and dirty he was.
"How many times do I have to tell you to keep your murdering weapons off my coffee table. Damien picked that out for me you know."
"Oh well in that case-" Slade started before cutting himself off with an uncaring look at his boyfriend.
"Slade."
"Fine, whatever makes you happy Birdie." In one swift motion Slade swept up the swords and slid them back into their places on his suit. "I had to do something while I waited."
The mercenary stood from the couch as Nightwing walked further into the apartment. He wolf whistled loudly as he unapologetically stared at Dick's lower half, especially the way the skin tight suit accentuated it.
Dick didn't grant him a response as he continued into the bedroom to change. Slade would probably change as well as he was still in his uniform and always kept a spare outfit at his boyfriend's place.
He paused in the doorway of the room as he watched Dick methodically grabbing clothes from drawers. Something seemed up but he figured the other was most likely just tired from patrolling the city.
"Everything good in that pretty head of yours?"
He flashed him his token charming grin when he replied, "All good over here."
Dick bent down to grab pajama pants from the bottom drawer.
Smack
The sound of Slade's palm connecting with his boyfriend's perfect ass may be on his list of the top 5 sounds in the world.
Dick froze for a second before he slowly stood and turned to face him a small smirk tugging at the corners of his mouth, "Need something, Wilson?"
"Mhm," Slade murmured, "you, baby."
Dick leaned up on his tip toes and pressed their lips together, wrapping his arms around the older man's neck. This was what he needed, Slade would distract him and he wouldn't have to think about Catalina anymore.
Slade moved both hands to Dick's ass and squeezed it, hard, eliciting a moan from Nightwing before he fully lifted him into his arms.
Dick settled his legs around the other's waist as the kiss deepened and their tongues began the familiar battle for dominance. Slade comfortable held him the air, he was pretty positive they could have sex like this but Dick wouldn't admit how much that thought turned him on.
Slade set him on the bed and settled between his legs without breaking the kiss. One hand moved to Dick's thigh as he rewrapped the man's legs around him and the other went up to his jaw.
He'll never want you for anything but this. No one will.
Dick tried to shut off the voice in his head, he knew Slade loved him and he'd proven it on multiple occasions. His lack of self worth couldn't ruin this.
You thought she loved you too.
Slade began taking off the Nightwing suit, it took a minute because of the protective measures Bruce installed to make it harder but Slade knew his way around it.
Worthless. Dirty.
Shut up, Dick thought back at the voice in his head. He couldn't shut down, couldn't go into one of his episodes, or worse scenario start crying.
If he cried, he knew Slade would stop and that couldn't happen. It couldn't happen cause Dick needed this. He needed to be distracted from all the awful thoughts in his head, needed Slade's hands to replace the phantom ones that he couldn't stop feeling.
"-little bird? Come back to me, I'm right here." He'd been so lost in thought he didn't notice that tears had in fact started falling silently down his face.
Slade had gotten off him and moved so they were lying next to eachother, Slade being sat up so he could see Dick's face.
No no no! This wasn't supposed to happen. He'll never want me if I can't give him what he wants.
"I- no. No- I'm fine, just keep goin-" Sobs he was trying to suppress were breaking up he attempted sentence.
"Hey, hey, breathe little bird. I got you, nothing else is gonna happen tonight."
The words were meant to reassure him but all Dick heard was , "I don't want you anymore".
He felt the tears coming and covered his face with his hands, scooting into a sitting position.
Great going, Grayson. Sit here and cry like a fucking damsel.
Dick absolutely hated this. He was Nightwing, the oldest of the Robins, a crime fighting vigilante for God's sake. But here he sat, sobs hitting him against his will.
"Just-just give me a mi-minute and we can-" He couldn't help the hiccups that interrupted him.
"Deep breaths, baby. In and out, follow my breathing." With a surprising amount of gentleness he placed one of Dick's hand on his chest and exaggerated his breaths.
"I can't- I-just-"
"Shhh, you don't need to talk baby. Just breathe, we'll figure everything else out later."
They sat like that for around four minutes as Dick slowly regulated his breathing to match Slade's. Eventually he calmed enough to talk coherently.
"I'm sorry."
"Nothing to apologize for, little bird. Okay if I touch you?"
Dick gave him a look, "I'm not delicate, Slade. I don't need you treating me like I'm made of glass."
"I never said you were. However, you are in a fragile state, at the moment," He added at Dick's harsh glare to being called fragile,"and given you are my precious boyfriend, I am allowed to be gentle."
He was met with an unimpressed look, "Right, Slade Wilson and gentle are two words everyone pairs together. Come to think of it I can't think of anything that describes you better."
"Only for you, baby."
Dick huffed before slouching down further on the bed.
"Are you feeling up to telling me what happened in that gorgeous head?" A pause before he continued. "I didn't... I didn't hurt you did I?"
He'd never heard his boyfriend, the terrifying mercenary's voice sound so hesitant before. Not until he thought he'd hurt Dick.
"No, no Slade I promise. You didn't do anything, it's just my stupid brain and I just can't shut it off sometimes."
"Dick I want you to tell me. You know I never would on purpose but I don't always know my own strength and if I hurt you-"
"Slade. Stop it, you didn't hurt me."
He must have sensed his reticence given his response.
"But.. someone else did?"
The way Slade was being so gentle and patient with him made Dick want to cry all over again.
Why is he being like this?
"If someone hurt you just tell me little bird, I'll take care of it." Slade cupped his jaw and tenderly rubbed his thumb across his cheek.
Telling someone might help. That's what you always tell your brothers to do. Talk about it. But Slade... Slade was his boyfriend, he couldn't lose him because of this.
Dick tucked his head in his hands, "I... if I tell you, just please don't walk out yet. Not tonight."
"Not going anywhere."
With a deep inhale he started talking.
"When I was sixteen I killed someone."
Slade raised his eyebrows in surprise even though Dick couldn't see it through his hands.
"You did?"
"Mhm. Blockbuster. She shot him, she shot him and I didn't do a thing to stop her."
That made him pause, "She? Who's 'she'?"
Dick took a stuttered breath before answering, he needed to make sure he wouldn't start crying again.
Slade got up from the bed and Dick felt what could only be called a whimper reluctantly escape from his mouth. He didn't remove his hands to look but he knew what was happening. Slade was leaving, without a word.
It made sense, who would want to be around him especially when he was like this?
He heard rustling sounds and gingerly lowered his hands only to see Slade climbing back into the bed, only now rather than his armed uniform he wore sweatpants and a t-shirt.
"Thought this would be more comfortable for you, c'mere baby." He climbed back under the covers and pulled Dick flush against his chest, tucking his head into his neck.
Dick wasn't used to this, wasn't used to being coddled and cared for. He was the oldest brother, he did the caring and even did the coddling when needed. It was so incredible rare the roles were reversed that he felt himself shiver as he relaxed against Slade.
"Let it out, birdie, I got you. Nothings gonna hurt you, never while I'm here."
Slade continued whispering reassurances until he felt his boy release some of the tension in his body and once again steady his breathing.
Before he really thought enough to talk him out of the idea, Dick decided to rip off the bandage.
"I was raped."
"What." He'd never felt Slade go so still or feel so tense in all their relationship.
This is it. This is where he leaves you.
"Please I- you have to understand, I didn't want it. I tried Slade, I tried to tell her but-"
Slade just held him closer and shut his eyes for a moment. He couldn't lose it right now or Dick would think he was upset with him. That was the farthest thing from the truth, the only person he was upset with is whoever dared to touch what isn't theirs.
"I believe you, angel. It wasn't your fault, not at all." It was taking everything in him to ask who but he had to resist. If he knew the name he wouldn't be able to think past murder.
Dick tentatively pulled away enough to look Slade in the eye. His bright blue eyes were tear ridden and full of confusion.
Slade Wilson didn't think he had any heart strings left to tug on until tonight.
"You aren't...mad?"
"I actually don't think I've ever been so furious in my life, but not at you, little bird. Never at you." He gently brushed away a tear from Dick's face.
The vigilante still seemed puzzled so Slade specified what he meant, "Baby, I am not upset with you, not in the slightest. I am only mad at whoever dared to touch you without your permission."
Dick rolled onto his back and huffed a wet laugh, "I don't even know if it was against my permission anymore. I said no, but she did it anyways and she didn't see anything wrong with it. How am I supposed to know Slade?"
His voice was like an empty void of his usual charm and liveliness.
"Dick, you didn't want it, you said no and she raped you anyway. That's all there is to it, birdie."
Another silent tear fell down Dick's face as he turned to look at Slade.
"Catalina Flores,-" Slade tucked the name away in the back of his mind. "she goes by Tarantula. I was trying to help her out, it was stupid I don't know why I did it-"
"You did it because you're you, you help people, anyone you can. It's one of the things I love about you, little bird. Even if it's a little foreign to me."
That seemed to make him feel at least a little better before he continued.
"That's when she did it, when she shot Blockbuster. After I let her I ran to the roof, I felt so checked out I couldn't even think straight."
Slade didn't like where this was going.
"She followed me up and pushed me down and layed down on top of me. I told her to get off but she-she...well you can finish the rest."
Yes he certainly could. It surprised him that the instinct to hold and comfort his boyfriend surpassed the instinct to eliminate the woman who hurt him. Not by very much.
"Can I hold you, darling?"
"You still want to?" The tears he'd been forcing down broke through like water through a damn. Mixture of confusion, fear, doubt, and above all, relief flooded through him.
"Oh, baby of course I do. Come here." For the second time that night, Dick hid his face in the crook of Slade's neck and Slade held him close, kissing his hair.
"I got you, baby, you're safe."
They stayed like that until Slade heard Dick snoring softly and he finally relaxed, Dick was sleeping peacefully.
Slade would do no such thing. He wouldn't be killing Catalina Flores tonight but she would not live to see another sunset. Under any circumstance that wasn't Dick lying on top of him, she wouldn't see another sunrise.
For now he'd be content here, holding his lovely boyfriend, watching for any potential threats or anything that could possibly upset said boyfriend further.
Everything else could wait till tomorrow.